Chapter 27

Octavia stood outside the bunker and watched as Echo and the rest of those defecting started working their way to the edge of Polis. Miller came up behind her. She knew why he hadn't been with her for the last few minutes.

"Everything ready?"

"Sha, Blodreina," he replied.

"Good. Let Echo get most of the clear before you have the sharpshooters open fire. Their targets are marked, correct?"

"Sha, Bloreina, just as you ordered," he told her.

She nodded as she stood there. Miller was waiting as ordered and they could both see the people that had taken up residence in the dilapidated city watching them. She knew that he was waiting for the order to fire. He would have made himself one of the sharpshooters because it was his own men that he was sending into the fray.

She stood there. She didn't know how she felt about the entire situation. She was sending Echo on a spy mission. It was what she was trained for, but Echo was necessarily loyal to her or to Wonkru. She had proven to be loyal to Bellamy, but Octavia wasn't sure that was going to be enough for her to actually trust her. This mission would erase some of her actions, but Octavia knew that she would never forget them. Echo might be allowed in, but she would always be watched. It was a small concession, mostly for Bellamy's sake, and they both knew it.

"We are going to fire above and at the ship first," Miller told her.

"Make them fun for it?"

"Yes, but the ones we are supposed to hit will stay in the back and make sure that those leaving get to the ship first."

"Good," Octavia said.

She just watched as Echo moved through the streets. She was keeping to the shadows and had a group of people behind her. She was leading them out. At one point, she looked up to where Octavia was standing. There was a silent salute via hand signals and then she lead the people out of Polis.

"Fire at will," Octavia ordered.

Shots rang out. The concussion echoed through the fallen buildings. She stood there, resolute, and with a sneer on her face. She wasn't happy. She didn't like loosing people and she didn't want to hurt anyone, but she knew that they had to make it look more believable for Diyoza. If no one got hurt, Diyoza would believe that she could take them easily. She couldn't let Diyoza have any sort of advantage. She needed her to be worried about the rest of those that were still in Polis.

Miller finally stopped firing. The ship closed and took off from the outskirts of Polis and headed back for Eden. She was angry. It wasn't an ideal situation, but she had to work with what she had. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to not be so angry. She'd sent her spy and some guards. They would get word back to her and cause issues for Diyoza as only Grounders could. A small smile crossed her face. Grabbing her cloak, she turned from where she was standing and started to make her way back down to the bunker.

"I'm tired, Miller."

"I'll keep everyone away," he replied.

"Thank you," she stated as they worked their way down and back to her office.

"Blodreina," he started as they neared the office door.

"What?"

"What of your brother and her?" he asked, not wanting to be too loud or say it in English for them to understand.

Octavia looked up and saw both Bellamy and Clarke standing there, waiting. She sighed. She couldn't imagine what they wanted from her now. Echo was on her way. They would hopefully have communication with those still in Eden soon. There was nothing else for them to worry about. There was nothing else for them to discuss, unless they wanted to make battle plans. Then, she saw Gaia, Niylah and Madi heading for the office as well. She wanted to hang her head.

"There is no rest for the weary," she mused.

"Do you want me to send them away? I will bar them from entry, Blodreina. You need to rest. You are still getting well and the people need to see you at your best. They will understand. I will make them. That is what I am here for, ai Blodreina," he told her.

"That you are, Miller. That you are, but they will not leave, especially Clarke. Is the other door still accessible?"

"Sha," he answered.

"Send Timo and two others. I'll go down and come back up that way. Clarke and Madi are the only ones allowed in my quarters. Send the rest away," she told him as they came to a stop near the ramp up to the office.

"Take Berg and Ford with you. He'll stay with you until I can get Timo and the others to you. Take your time, Blodreina. I'll take care of the rest of them," Miller stated.

Berg moved up from his position at hearing his commander's words. He was a big and burly man. Ford moved as soon as Miller gave her a look. She was a very slight woman, but she was a scrapper. Her dark blond hair and dark skin marked her as from the Plain Riders. Octavia looked at them both and smiled. She nodded at them and then they all turned to take the alternate route into her office and bedroom.

She heard Bellamy shout at her as she moved away and into the bunker. She also heard him be quickly quieted by Miller. She loved that boy. He was good to her and he deserved so much more than being the captain of the guard, but he wouldn't take it. He was too humble for that and she knew it. She also knew that he liked his position. She was proud to be her personal guard and the head of the guard period. It also afforded him more time with Jackson. She smiled at the thought. They were perfect for each other and she promised herself to keep them together as long as she could.

As they worked their way around and to the other entrance, Octavia hoped that Echo would succeed quickly. She hated waiting and she knew that she would have to wait to attack again. They couldn't just cross the desert and there were other things that needed to be dealt with. One of which was Cooper and the other was the farm. She didn't want to let the bunker go. She knew that it would hold things that they would need in Eden. Plus, it would be good to have somewhere to go if they had to, if for some reason Eden failed. She liked to have back up plans. Polis and the bunker would be the back up.

They walked through the bunker. Some of the people eyed her. It was to be expected. By now, word that she had opened fire on the defectors would have spread to those that stayed. She didn't mean to be such a tyrant, but she didn't know how else to protect them all from Diyoza. She knew that they wouldn't understand it because they didn't know Diyoza. Sure, she attacked them, but then she gave them an out. She'd offered peace and Octavia had spurned her. That was all they knew, but they also knew that Octavia had Clarke and as long as she had Clarke, they would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Octavia lead them to the back door of her bedroom. It was something that Cadogan obviously had put in as a safety measure for himself. There wasn't an alternate exit out of the bunker, but he had his own way to get to it through a separate hallway and this back door. She was sure that he didn't share that knowledge with many. It hadn't been many times that she'd used this entrance anyway. And, besides her guards, the only other person that knew of the hallway was Gaia. She found out later it was because Gaia would come there to pray. And, then she found the giant sacred symbol on the wall and realized that Gaia wasn't praying to the goddesses that the Grounders followed but Becca Praimheda herself. She stopped in front of it and placed her hands on the symbol.

"Blodreina?" Berg asked when she stopped.

"I'm just giving thanks to Beka."

"Beka?"

"Praimheda, she buried behind there, I believe. Cadogan kept her close to not make her a martyr and he failed. She started all the krus and the hedas. She was your salvation before you knew that you needed it. She protected us here. Her knowledge made Wanheda stronger, better, and helped her survive Praimfaya. Beka gave us the hedas," Octavia told them.

"But, the hedas are no more. We have you now, Blodreina. We do not need the hedas," Berg replied.

"That maybe true, Berg, but she still saved us. We owe her to remember her and what she did for us. The hedas may be no more, but that doesn't mean that we forget our past or where we came from," she told him.

"Sha, Blodreina," he stated and bowed his head.

She nodded back to him and they continued down the corridor. When she made it to the door, she opened it and walked inside. She didn't even turn to close the door. She knew that they would. And, sure enough, she heard the door close. She also knew in that moment that she was alone. It was the first time in a long time that she was honestly alone. There were no guards, no council members, no one asking for her opinion or advise or needing her to approve something. And, yes, the guards were on the other side of the door, but they weren't be intrusive. They were giving her privacy, on both doors.

She walked further into her bedroom and over to the bed. She fell down upon it, landing and bouncing slightly in the middle of it. She closed her eyes for just a second before she realized that she was still in her armor. Her cloak was still attached and she needed to remove it all before she even dared to dream about sleep. She opened her eyes and rolled up. Getting up off the bed, she moved to a chair across the room and began to remove everything down to her ribbed black tank and her pants. She took off her belt and dropped her sword into the chair. She ran her hand around the back of her pants and felt the knife that stayed there. Closing her eyes, she smiled.

She was always armed. It was something that both Indra and Gaia agreed on, and something that Miller insisted on. She laughed at him. They knew she could fight, but that didn't mean that she would always be able to get out everything. In fact, Indra taught her to fight dirty and make sure that she always found a way out, stating "living was more important than not having a leader." Octavia didn't understand what she meant at first, but then she remembered how many times Lexa survived things that she shouldn't have, or she was where she shouldn't be. Octavia always had to be ready and two steps ahead of her enemies, real or not. And, now that was Diyoza.

Huffing she went back to the bed and plopped down, again. She didn't have the energy to pretend to care. She just wanted things to be better, but she had to wait. She knew that it was a good plan, even if she didn't like it. She wanted to shut out the world and just sleep for days, but she knew she couldn't. There were plenty of things to do, but Miller was right, too. She was stressing too much and she needed to rest while they others did their jobs. It was hard, but she knew she had to do it. She would have to push her personal feelings down and out of the way. She was their leader, but she wouldn't be able to lead if she couldn't function.

She shifted her arm. It was still stiff, but it didn't hurt that much. She reached over and touched the few stitches that Clarke had given her. She was better than her mother in sewing people up. Her stitches were tighter and closer together, but she figured it was just because Clarke was still a young fisa. She took her time while Abby knew the importance of closing the wounds quickly. She didn't mean to compare the two, but she couldn't help it. She missed Abby's quiet, constant presence. She didn't realize how much she needed her until that moment. She wasn't just Clarke's mother, she was also Octavia's. She flexed her arm again and closed her eyes.

She knew that sleep would be a long time in coming. She couldn't shut off her mind. They weren't in the woods getting ready for a fight. She couldn't just tell herself to sleep because she knew that there things that she needed to do and address. She rarely took time for herself and it was probably not a good time to do it, but she knew that Miller had her back and he wasn't going to let anyone disturb her.

Her eyes popped open. She heard the faint sound again behind her, coming from her office. She didn't move. She didn't even twitch, thanks to Indra's teachings. She waited as she listened, trying to pinpoint exactly where the sound was coming from and who it was. Being the leader of over eight hundred, she had amazingly learned everyone's sounds in movements. It was hard, but it had saved her numerous times while sparring and other situations that she didn't know the full extent of because she addressed the person before they could do anything to her.

She made sure that she kept her breathing even. She didn't move. She just listened, but as she did so, she slid her right hand under her back to the handle of the knife that was there. She heard the movement get closer to the door separating the office and the bedroom. She knew she had to make her move now or they would be able to rush her before she had a chance to defend herself.

She flew over the bed and was on her bare feet. The knife had been thrown at the door, but at the last minute, she decided to pull it to the left a bit. It landed in the door frame solidly. She was already at her belt drawing her sword when she realized that it was Madi who was in the doorway. She dropped her sword and ran to the frightened girl.

"MADI!" Clarke yelled from the other room as Octavia gathered her up in a hug.

"I'm sorry..." they both said to each other.

"I didn't want to wake you," Madi offered dumbly.

"I...I'm sorry if I scared you," Octavia told her.

Octavia pushed her away to look her over again. Her bright, blue eyes were huge, but she didn't move as Octavia checked her. She didn't move away as Clarke did the same. When Clarke was happy that Madi was safe and unharmed, she turned to look at Octavia. The fire and ire in her eyes was very telling and it made Octavia shiver.

"What were you thinking?" she questioned as she tore into Octavia.

"I didn't know it was her," Octavia lamented.

"And, you didn't think to ask?"

"Would you?" Octavia inquired with a cocked eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"I am trying to make sure that everyone lives, plan a war, and keep too many people from defecting. And, in doing all of that, I know that I've pissed a lot of people off. Is it so wrong that I would think that someone would try to kill me?" Octavia questioned. "I didn't hit her. That should worry you both more. If I can't hit a target with a knife, what good am I on the field of battle leading the army? But, I didn't hit her. I scared her, sure, but she is unharmed."

Clarke just stared at her. Madi smiled. Looking from Clark to Octavia, she knew that she had to do something to break the tension between them.

"She's right, Clarke. I should have said something so that she knew it was me coming in here to check on her. You would have reacted badly if we were back in the valley. You've done it before," Madi stated and Octavia gave Clarke a pointed look.

"Yes, well, that was because..."

"It is the same. She's Skairipa. She's a gona. She has to be ready to defend herself, especially being in her position. You told me that Lexa was always ready to," Madi started.

"Okay. Okay. Drop it, Madi. And, use English. We've talked about this. Not everyone speaks Trig here," Clarke told her.

"Actually...they do," Octavia said.

"What?" Clarke asked.

"They've all been taught. Everyone in the bunker speaks both Gonaslenge en Trigedaslenge. It was one of my first mandates. We needed to be able to communicate with each other. Gaia and Kane were in charge of the schooling. Some of them even learned to read Gonaslenge."

Clarke looked at her like she had three heads. Shaking her head, she pushed Madi back into the office. She stood up and looked at Octavia. She shook her head at the dark haired woman before her.

"You scared her," Clarke accused.

"I didn't...I'm sorry."

"Octavia...I get it. I do, really. It's just that...she's..."

"Your daughter?"

"Yes," Clarke answered exasperatedly.

"I...is there something that you wanted to talk to me about, Clarke?"

"I wanted to talk to you about earlier," Clarke stated.

"There is nothing to talk about. I'm tired. It's been a really long and trying day. Feel free to stay in here though. I know that you don't want her expose to Gaia, but you need to be aware that Niylah has bought into Wonkru, Clarke. She isn't the same person that she was before she came into the bunker. Six years in here will change even the best of us."

"I know. I am not the same, either, Octavia. I want to see her. I want to talk to her, but I don't know that we could ever be together again. I am not saying that it's me or her; I'm saying that things are different for us all. My priorities have changed. I am not only worried about getting to Mom and getting her away from Diyoza, but I have to make sure that Madi survives and gets to go home. That valley is more hers than anyone else's, Octavia. But, I also know that she'll put me first because she doesn't want to lose me," Clarke told her.

"Can you blame her?" Octavia ask her. "You're all she has left, Clarke. She would do anything for you and she will if she thinks that it will help you, no matter how dangerous it is. Kind of like you climbing a tower and move a satellite dish to make sure that Bell, Raven and them got into the Go-Sci ring, yeah?"

"I hate it when you're right," Clarke muttered.

"I do, too," Octavia replied as she moved further into the bedroom.

Octavia sat down in the chair and looked at Clarke. She was waiting to see if Clarke was going to sit or if she was going to leave. Clarke watched her. She could see the worry in Octavia's eyes.

"You are actually worried about them, aren't you?"

"Did you honestly think I was so callus?"

"Have you met Indra?" Clarke asked sarcastically.

"She isn't callus, Clarke. She's a seasoned warrior. She know that emotions cloud a warrior's judgement, but even in the end, she was rooting for you and Lexa. She saw how you pushed Lexa and made her better. She won't admit it, but she was glad that Lexa found you," Octavia told her.

"Was she now?"

"Look. We had plenty of time to talk about various subjects while we were here. Some things were bound to come that were both taboo and strange for us to contemplate, especially after listening to you on the radio some mornings. I couldn't help it. I wanted to know, so I asked. That was the one thing that everyone could agree on who decided to mentor me."

"What was that?" Clarke inquired.

"Knowledge is power."

"It really is. So, what did you learn from listening to me? How to punish yourself? How to always question if there was another way for you to have done things?"

"I know that you did all that, Clarke, but it helped me. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it really is. There were days that I didn't know how I would handle it all, but I knew that you had, so I had to, too. There were days that I just wanted to crawl up into a ball or bust my way out and let the radiation have me. I didn't care about the people. I cared about myself, but I realized very quickly that I couldn't be selfish. It wasn't fair. I had to do what I had to do in order to protect them all and keep them alive. I didn't mind that they hated me. I didn't care that they thought I became a tyrant. They didn't know what I did. They didn't understand that we almost starved to death. They didn't understand that I made them all work the farm to keep them from going insane. They didn't understand because I didn't tell them. They didn't need to worry about it. I did."

"But why?" Clarke probed.

"Because I was their leader and that was part of the job. I didn't get that with you before and I'm sorry. I get it now. The crown is heavy, Clarke and it weighs down not only our heads but our hearts."

"Octavia..."

"So, I'm sorry if I upset you or offended you by kissing you early. I didn't mean to, but you have to understand that you were the only voice of clarity that I had for six years. You gave me a perspective that no one but maybe Jaha could have, but he was dead. I couldn't exactly go to your mother, either, if I wanted. She had enough to deal with. And, at some point, Kane checked out."

"But, you kissed me."

"I did."

"Octavia..."

"Look, I don't know what you want to me say, Clarke. I care about you. Feelings and emotions were bound to blur for me and I might have transferred some of those to you. I don't know what else to tell you. You were the light that kept me going, but like all things, sometimes reality isn't the same. I'm sorry... I need to sleep."

"Let me check your arm, again," Clarke demanded.

"It can wait. Go talk to Bell. Make sure he doesn't do something stupid like go after Echo."

"He won't."

"He might."

"He won't."

"Why do you say that?" Octavia asked her.

"We already talked. He is still not happy about you shooting your own people, but I get it and I saw the shots. None of them were life threatening. I don't think that Diyoza will believe that it was a decoy to get the guard on the ship with Echo. It was a smart plan," Clarke told her.

"And, now we wait."

"Now, we wait," Clarke murmured. "What did you do with whatever down time you had? I know you didn't train all the time. What did you do when you were alone, Octavia?"

"I listened to you," she said simply, looking at Clarke, hoping that her emotions were still in check.