Chapter Twenty-Four
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS.
Without sorrows no one becomes a saint.
~ Chinese Proverb
The smallest sound was like the beat of a drum to Sheng's ears. He lay lifelessly on his stomach, his limbs entangled in the sheets on his bed. Last night, Enlai had somehow managed to goad him into a drinking contest. Sheng, who had not drunk so heavily in years, put up a valiant effort but he did not need to see Enlai's smug face to know that he had lost.
He tentatively opened his eyes, controlling the amount of light that entered them. He groaned and turned his head. His mouth was dry and his limbs heavy so he could not get up for water or even call a servant. He groaned again and little by little pushed himself up into a sitting position.
The bedroom door swung open with a bang and Enlai charged in.
"Finally, you're awake! It's already afternoon!"
Sheng covered his ears. Enlai's voice was like angry waves crashing upon the seashore.
"Could you be any louder?" he asked in a vicious whisper.
Enlai continued to speak as Harmless slipped into the room after him. Enlai grinned broadly down at Sheng but Harmless' eyes held a smidgen of concern. That upset Sheng who did not like feeling like an invalid.
"If you knew what a poor drinker you were, why'd you drink so much?" asked Enlai, hands on hips.
Sheng propped himself up on his elbows.
"It seemed like a good way to past the time."
He fell back against his bed and cringed from the impact his head made on the pillow. Enlai plopped down on the bed beside him, a mocking expression on his face.
"Huangdi, you're not about to die from drinking? Surely?"
Sheng's lips pulled away from his teeth in disgust.
"Have no fear, Enlai." He cleared his throat. "Bring some paper. I'll name Harmless emperor after me, and you the court jester. You'll have a roof over your head for the rest of your life."
A small smile crossed Harmless' face and he glanced at Enlai before returning his gaze to Sheng.
"Yeah yeah, joke all you want!" said Enlai. "But look at yourself. You've lost a lot of weight these past months and now you look even worse. I shouldn't have gotten you drinking. I should have known - no, you should have known better!"
"My condition isn't your fault Enlai," said Sheng, closing his eyes. "Stop being dramatic."
Enlai scowled.
"What do you want to eat?" he asked, harshly.
"Nothing," said Sheng. "Everything tastes bland to me."
"You must be sick."
"Not sick," Sheng told him. "Empty."
"That's because you're starving!" said Enlai. "The cooks really outdid themselves today. Come and have something."
Sheng covered his face with his hand.
"I am not hungry, Enlai," he said. "I should be in high spirits, I know. I thought I would be satisfied when Yongzheng perished at my hands and for a moment I was... but his death has changed little. I thought something would change in me but nothing has. And I keep waiting for it."
Sheng felt like a knife was being pressed into his skull.
"I feel worse than I did when he was alive. At least then I felt like I had a higher purpose, a goal, but now..."
"You still have his son to kill," said Enlai, biting one of his nails.
Harmless sat on the bed and Sheng lowered his hand to look at the man. The expression on his face made Sheng feel exposed because unlike Enlai, Harmless was able to see past his exterior. And.. they had such similar souls.
"After I kill Xiao Lang, what then? My entire life has been about Yongzheng and Xiao Lang. When my cousin dies, that may just be the end of me too. In time I may come to be just like any other emperor - lethargic and weak."
"Now who's being dramatic? You're better than that, better than anyone else - except me when it comes to alcohol!" grinned Enlai. "And, this is just a guess but I'm pretty sure I'm better at fucking too."
Sheng grimaced.
"Delude yourself all you like."
This made Enlai smile all the more and he tossed Harmless a 'can you believe this man?' look. He plopped down beside Sheng.
"Despite soon-to-be boredom... you shouldn't take too long to kill the prince," he said.
"Perhaps," Sheng said. "I should have ended him months ago it's true. Now he's probably angrier and more powerful than ever. Especially after what I've done."
"What do you mean?" asked Enlai.
Sheng told him and Harmless about Sakura. How he had robbed her of Xiao Lang's child.
"You went through a lot of trouble for this woman," said Enlai. "You desire her."
Sheng twisted in his bed.
"She did nothing to me, so I let her live. She will repay me with her company. It's that simple. Besides... Harmless likes her too, don't you?"
Harmless averted his eyes and Sheng chuckled.
"Something in her magic draws him to her. Opposites attract, I suppose. He was upset when he thought I was going to kill her."
"Why?" asked Enlai, looking from one man to the other.
"You know Harmless doesn't like killing women. Not unless he really has to. He was quite distressed when I ordered him to kill Meilin."
"Your cousin?"
"Yes. It's a good thing Sakura and the Guardian Beast interrupted us." Sheng gripped his hair. "Now be quick and and bring me some water, court jester."
Enlai made to leave when he realized what he was doing. He halted immediately.
"I'm not your damn servant!"
"Everyone under heaven is Huangdi's servant," drawled Sheng. His grip on his hair tightened. "And must you insist on talking so loudly?"
Harmless slipped out of the room. No doubt, he was off to fetch Sheng the water himself. Enlai gazed at Sheng for a moment and for some reason, Sheng felt he should be wary of this attention.
"What are you thinking?" he asked the younger man.
"The prince is coming here to kill you," he said, truly serious for once. "It wouldn't be a fair fight if you're not equally committed to his death."
"I will kill him." Sheng held out his hands. A dark aura surrounded them like a haze. "Harmless is helping me increase the capacity of magic I can control. I will be win this war. And your harem of women will not cease."
Enlai was grim for once in his life.
"You could send one of us-"
"No," said Sheng firmly.
"I can kill him now."
"You barely escaped last time."
"I've been practicing."
"I said no. Xiao Lang is mine."
Enlai sat on a chair, glaring at Sheng who had no faith in him. Sheng was tired. That much was clear. Harmless should not be encouraging him to use more dark magic. They should be throwing parties, screwing women, beheading criminals. Instead, Harmless was tearing a willing Sheng in two - one half wanted to rest, the other wanted to cause pain.
The sooner Xiao Lang was dead, the sooner Sheng could move on with his life. Enlai wanted this for him, not for the money or women but because Sheng had pulled him from a dark place once and he wanted to repay the favour. He sank deeper into the chair.
He will repay it.
The meeting among the generals and Syaoran concluded. Moments before, when Syaoran had laid out his plan of action to seize the Forbidden City, the generals hesitated to point out any weaknesses they might have seen. It was only with Yue and Renshu's encouragement did they all eventually agree on a solid plan.
The generals kowtowed and left. Syaoran drew the papers on the ground towards him. He studied them and nodded to himself. He picked up a book, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, and ran his fingers down the front like it was a love letter. There were many things Yue wanted to speak to him about but he dare not broach the topics until he was sure Syaoran would have the patience for his questions.
"Why are you still here?" asked Syaoran, looking at Yue.
Yue's eyes widened slightly.
"I always remain behind," said Yue. It was like Syaoran had a sudden case of amnesia. "Should you wish to discuss the plans some more."
"No," said Syaoran. "I'm satisfied. Once Hiiragizawa arrives with the Moon Bell, everything will fall in its proper place."
He put the papers away in a trunk and locked it. He cracked his fingers and then twisted his body to crack his back. He exhaled.
"I think I'll kill Renshu in the battle."
Yue's head snapped to Syaoran.
"He wants me dead too. I can see it in his eyes," said Syaoran, walking up to Yue. "I made him Great Imperial Son and he still years to be Huangdi. Even with all that we are contending with."
"We have always suspected this," said Yue. "But he is a prince of China. I think he deserves a more honourable death."
"Honour? For a man who fled when he should have stood and fought?"
"No," said Yue. "Honour for the First Son of China and the Great Imperial Son."
Syaoran tilted his head, his gaze cutting.
"He may die without my interference. Words are his most formidable weapons. I shall wait and see what unfolds."
Yue was unconvinced but he said nothing. He had never heard Syaoran talk about killing one of his family members before. That was of course, unless Huangdi himself was thinking about disposing of someone.
A servant came in, and crouching low, he made Syaoran's futon and practically crawled from the tent. Syaoran did not seem to notice him but abruptly he proclaimed, "I need to sleep. Get out."
Yue rose to his feet. For a moment, he thought he felt a cold anger coursing through him for the way he was spoken to. But as he made to leave the tent, he realized, it was not the sole reason. He was disappointed with his emperor.
"Why did you do it?" he asked, stopping short at the tent's entrance.
"Am I supposed to understand that vague question?" asked Syaoran.
"The concubine. Lady Sakura who saved your life with significant risk to her own."
Syaoran tensed.
"Careful Yue."
He blew out the lamps, casting the tent in darkness and made his way to the futon.
"You say Li Renshu is not an honourable man; he's not the only one."
Yue felt the piercing gaze of Syaoran upon his back.
"Speak one more time general. See what happens."
Syaoran was grating Yue's nerves. He was worse than he usually was when he was on a march. Everything and everyone irritated him. If leaving the concubine behind affected him so much, why did he do it? Yue knew why. He was a coward! Syaoran tried to act like he was uninterested in the woman and for some time he may have convinced himself of it. However, his recent touchiness said otherwise. Yue needed Eriol to return soon because even though he had sworn never to harm a hair on that boy's head, he was seriously tempted to pluck them from his scalp by the handful.
He went to a secluded area to spread his long wings. May his ancestors give him the strength to cope with Li Xiao Lang. Mid-air, Yue's clothes quickly grew damp from the clouds. He had grown accustomed to the conditions in the sky many years ago so they did not bother him. Tonight however, he felt the cold in his bones.
Yue made a sharp turn. What was that below him? A tent? It was a fair distance away from the army camp. Enemy soldiers? Assassins, perhaps?
He pulled his wings back and descended. As he drew closer, he saw eight horses. He recognized than as imperial horses because of the saddles. What were they doing all the way out here? His feet touched the earth and he approached the tent warily.
Voices came from within it, but Yue could not hear anything that was being said clearly. There was a rustling sound and a man stepped out from the tent. Both froze as they took in the sight of the other.
"You," said Yue.
The man placed a finger to his lips and gestured to some trees a bit away. Yue followed him, still a little taken aback.
"You're still here."
"You caught me," said Touya, a peeved look on his face.
"I did not know what had become of your sister," said Yue. "I only noticed her absence a few days ago. How long have you been gone?"
"A week now," said Touya, his voice low.
He explained all that had happened to Yue. When he was finished, all Yue could say was, "I see."
The silence between them thickened in its awkwardness.
"The child lived then?"
"Yes," said Touya. "But to be honest, it can still go either way."
Yue nodded.
"You did not take the chance to leave?" he asked Touya. "It is what you wanted."
"You're right," said Touya. "But why should I be the one to give my sister news that would hurt her? Why do I have to be the bad one? Why couldn't your gaki emperor have ended things himself?"
Yue gave Touya a cutting look but asked, "She doesn't know?"
"I told her we have to travel behind the army. I told her the gaki said it's safer." He shrugged. "His words seem to be like gold to her."
"Xiao Lang would not like this," said Yue, folding his arms. His face was sombre."His anger will be great when he finds out you have disobeyed him. That you have encouraged his soldiers to disobey-"
"Disobeyed him?" asked Touya in amazement. "Let me say for the last time: I am not Chinese. I'm not his servant like you. I can do whatever the hell I want!"
Touya punched a tree trunk, tearing the flesh on his knuckles. He jabbed a finger at Yue.
"I knew this would happen! I knew he would throw her away. I want to tell her this so that we can return to our lives but I'm afraid. I'm afraid she'll never forgive me if I tell her. I know in my heart she can't hate him, so she'll hate me."
"I would like to see the boy."
"The boy?"
"Yes. He is my prince."
It was not that Yue was unsympathetic to Touya's plight; it was just that the baby interested him more. Huangdi had always thrown women at Syaoran's feet. He had believed in having as many children as possible and the fact that his favourite son had none had bothered him. Now, Syaoran had a son so it was only natural that Yue was curious.
Touya glanced at the tent uncertainly.
"I won't tell her anything," said Yue, quickly. "In fact, my presence may reinforce your story. I'll say Xiao Lang sent me."
"Fine," said Touya.
They entered the tent to find Nakuru with her hands clamped over her mouth. Sakura was dazed.
"What do you mean, 'since he left?' " she asked the older woman. "Nakuru-chan, what do you mean! Tell me what you mean."
"I'm sorry," said Nakuru, staring at Touya remorsefully. "I didn't mean to!"
Yue shot a look at Touya. The man was frozen. All blood had drained from his face.
"Onni-chan," said Sakura, practically begging for answers with that one word. She appeared like she had just taken a severe beating to the head, bewildered and disoriented. "But you said... I thought…"
Touya rushed to her, falling onto his knees. He gently touched her cheek as though anticipating that she would recoil from him.
"He left me behind?" she asked, breathlessly. "For safety, right? Not because he doesn't care?"
Yue knew tears would soon fall from Sakura's eyes. He could see them already building at the edges. Her gaze found his and her entire face lit up with hope.
"General Yue."
She craned her neck to see if anyone else was behind him. She did not need to speak his name. They all knew who she searched for. Touya, in a rare moment, turned to Yue for support. Yue remembered his words to confirm Touya's story but the optimism in Sakura's face made his stomach twist. He found himself unable to lie.
His silence confirmed her fear. Her head tilted and she continued to stare at him, a silent plea for him to say something. Yue shifted uneasily. The tent was too small for all the emotion in her eyes.
Yue could see her retreating from reality. He thought that he would prefer her to cry out loud. At least then, she would purge herself of these feelings instead of holding them in tightly. There was a little wheezing sound and Yue finally took notice of the bundle in Sakura's arms. She rocked him and murmured to him. Even when she was in distress, the boy was treated like fine silk that could easily slip out of her hands.
"This may seem like a terrible thing," said Touya. "But you're free to do what you want now. We can return home."
"China is my home, onii-chan," said Sakura, the tone in her voice as imperial as Li Yelan's herself.
"China doesn't want you anymore," said Touya. "I want you! I'm the one who cares for you more than anyone else. I'm the one who came all this way to rescue you. You act like that means nothing!"
"I don't want to be rescued," Sakura said. "I want to speak to Xiao Lang. I need to speak to him. This can't be true. You must have misunderstood."
"Misunderstood?" Touya pushed himself to his feet. Sinking his hand into his clothes, he pulled out a jade stone and flung it beside her. "That's for you. Infer what you will."
"You're lying," she said, not sparing a glance at the gem.
Touya seemed ready to punch something again. Yue knew the frustration he felt; it was a frustration only a younger sibling could bring.
"You get angry at me so easily," said Touya. He ran his hands through his hair. "What does the gaki emperor have to do to make you look at him the way you're looking at me?"
"You won't ever understand how I feel," Sakura whispered.
"I empathize Sakura," snapped Touya. "But listen to me! Even if he really loves you, he won't ever love you the way you want him to, the way you need him to. He's not that kind of man."
"Well not every man can be Otou-san. Not every man can be you!"
She arranged her futon covers and slid beneath them with the baby.
"Tomorrow, I am going to see Xiao Lang.
"Sakura-"
"Nothing can change my mind!"
"You think hearing the words from him will be easier?" asked Yue.
"I won't believe them otherwise."
Touya threw his hands into the air and left the tent. Denial on Kinomoto Sakura was quite chilling, Yue thought. Her decisive, abrupt tone reminded him of Syaoran only moments ago when he announced his intention to kill Renshu. He should warn her.
"This is not the best time," said Yue. "He isn't himself."
"Neither am I."
Sakura was stubborn because she was hurt. There was nothing more to say so he went outside. The cool night air rushed into his lungs. Did love always have to be this hard? Every story he had heard, every poem he had read about love, ended in tragedy. Perhaps love and pain were like night and day, always following each other in a never-ending cycle?
Touya stood near the horses, his head bowed on of their sides. His shoulders were slumped in defeat and the sight of the strong man reduced to such despair, stirred something in Yue.
"I took care of her since she was a baby," he told Yue. "But she's not a baby anymore and I hate it."
"I feel the same way about my brother," admitted Yue.
Touya looked at him.
"He's in the palace right?"
"Yes."
"Do you think he's..."
"I would know if he had died."
They spent the rest of the night together, talking. Yue had never spoken so many words to one person in a single sitting. They had lived under such different circumstances but their stories were so similar. It was like meeting a long lost brother after one had grown very old - there was too much to catch up on and so little time.
Touya fell asleep first and Yue allowed his head to rest against his shoulder. Tentatively at first, Yue stroked Touya's hair from his face like he had done to Yukito many years ago when they were young. Yet he was not thinking of Yukito tonight like he did every night since he last saw him. Tonight, he was enjoying the presence of Kinomoto Touya, a man who felt for others as much as he did and suffered because of it... as much as he did.
In another life, they could have been friends.
The first, clear spring day had arrived. The generals were outside at a low table, enjoying their half-hour break from the march. Thousands of soldiers were having a quick meal; some eating birds they had shot down. Some men bantered and told jokes, others enjoyed the light atmosphere silently and some took a quick nap. It was a rare moment. Even Syaoran seemed disarmed. He was sitting on a large, flat rock and opted to close his dark, glaring eyes as the wind fluttered through his brown hair.
Yue though, was the image of nervousness in the cheery ambiance. Time was passing slowly for him. If his hair was not already white, it would have turned that colour then and there. He fiddled nervously with the blue cuff on his ear; his eyes flicking about the soldiers. They landed on Syaoran and his body locked in place.
Yue kept his face blank. Syaoran knew something was not quite right and Yue hoped an interrogation was the last thing on Syaoran's mind. But Huangdi's eyes began to narrow and had Yue been a cavalry soldier, secrets would be spilled in an instant. However, Yue would not be done in so easily.
Through the corner of his eye, Yue saw a horse come into view. One person dressed in a colourful hanfu was on its back, while another walked beside the powerful beast, holding its reigns. A hush flowed through the camp, and gazes began to fall to the ground, lest they see what was forbidden to their eyes. Men drew back as the couple passed by. No one would dare touch a woman who could possibly belong to the emperor - his imperial concubine they knew he kept in camp - even if their excuse was protecting him. A head was a valuable thing and they wished to keep theirs on their necks.
Syaoran, his attention so bent upon Yue, had only just become conscious of the change in the atmosphere. His eyes fell to his hands and Yue saw a quick sequence of emotions flicker across his face. The emperor's fingers balled into tight fists.
Touya helped Sakura down from the horse. She came to stand directly behind Syaoran. Still, his gaze remained on his fists. A light breeze blew, whipping about Sakura's red and white hanfu. The material brushed past Syaoran's shoulders and still he made no movement even though he knew it was her.
"... Xiao Lang," called Sakura, so softly, Yue was forced to read her lips.
But Syaoran heard her, and he turned.
Yue could not see his face but Sakura's was plain to him. At first, she was smiling but that disappeared. Concubine and emperor regarded each other, still as statues for what seemed an endless moment. Then in one swift movement, Sakura's palm crashed into Syaoran's left cheek.
A/N:
Hey Tomodachi! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Read and Review. ^_^ Until next time, Ja ne!