My dear little broccolis 💚💚💚

💚 So remember that this pic is RATED M, and it is not only for the sexy times. Some dark moments will be approached in this story, and they can trigger some people. This is a fair warning to remind you that this story sets place in a dark world, which means it is bound to mountains dark themes.

Love, Mina 💚💚💚

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Chapter 27: Moral Dilemma (4,9K)

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💚 So, about the last chapter, know that Raymond comes from a life very different than ours (except if you are from a family of mobsters). I never claimed that he was a good guy in this story, actually, from the start, I stated that both he and Christian were mobsters who liked their position of power. This story is rated M for the lemons, but also for the world it is set in. You have to know that worse than this will happen. I do not condone the man, but I understand where he comes from. He is short-tempered, and I made a point on showing that with Elena's story. He goes after her uncle minutes after he sees that she is molested. Raymond protects those who are dear to him, and in his world, the best way to take care of a problem is a definite way: death.

💚Also, about the bone Eric threw to Christian, it is about Mike. Just before dying, Eric tried to 'save his life' by accusing Raymond to take care of Christian out of guilt for what he did to someone. And this is something that Christian had ignored until now. He did not care, because it did not bother him. And even now, he only cares for Ana's sake.

💚 Now, about this chapter, I don't know why, but I rewrote it twice. The first take of this chapter was supposed to be Jose's point-of-view, and it was pretty great. Well, I think it was. But afterwards, I had this idea to add the Michigan conversation, and I don't like splitting point-of-view within a chapter, so I had to rewrite this whole chapter, and add a few things. I know it is definitely shorter than the previous one, but I had to stop where I stopped, for obvious reasons.

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Christian's PoV

For a long moment, Christian remained silent, trying to process what Raymond had just told him about himself. It wasn't that he was really surprised (he had been suspecting much ever since he couldn't find anything about Michael Steele), but hearing the words coming out of Raymond's mouth gave them a sense of inescapable reality. And finally, the gravity of the situation came down to him,

"You killed your son!"

Raymond did not peep a word, his gaze steady on Christian who still had a hard time believing what he just heard. It wasn't much that he had a problem with Raymond ending someone's life, but more with the fact that Raymond was a family man who killed his own son. There was something wrong in this equation. And what made it even worse to Christian was the fact that he knew he wouldn't have reacted this way if it wasn't for Ana.

If he were honest with himself, he had been bracing himself for that outcome, and it didn't really bother him. After all, one did not become a fierce mobster by handing flyers about unicorns and rainbows. But this whole affair didn't have anything to do with him, and everything to do with Ana. Christian was sure that had he not been in a relationship with Ana and Agent Taylor had given him this file, he would have laughed it off with Raymond. He wouldn't even have brought the same way he did, he would have probably gone more nonchalant about it.

But the thing was, he was with Ana. And more than his relationship with her, he gave her his word that he would look for her brother. Now, how was he supposed to tell her that she would never see him again because her father killed him years ago?

"What was wrong with having him institutionalised?" He accused, uselessly wishing that Raymond would have opted for that less drastic option where Ana could still see her brother well and alive.

"I protected my daughter,' Raymond retorted, his voice far calmer than Christian's, and his eyes still on the young man, intense and calculating.

"By killing your son! Don't you see how wrong this is?! How many times did you ramble to me that family is what matters most?" Christian snapped back as he started pacing, his mind unable to think of anything else than his boss's daughter.

Ana did not talk often about her brother, even after she asked Christian to look for him. But still, the few times she mentioned her sibling, Christian could tell how much she missed him, and how much she still cared for that person that had deserted her, even after all those years.

Raymond did not move from his chair, his gaze following Christian as he was going in circles in his office, and he lightly said, "Family is what matters most. But this isn't something for you to worry. This is my burden, and I learnt to live with it. I know that this is something that will eat me until my dying breath, and I'm okay with it."

"No, you're not. Or you would have told your daughter long ago," Christian snorted before he could even think his words.

As soon as they escaped his mouth, he regretted them, though he kept his face unreadable. He kept on pacing, feeling Raymond's gaze on him intensify, and cursing himself for yet another split in front of Raymond. He knew it would appear as nothing to Raymond since he knew nothing of the relationship between him and Ana, but still, Christian didn't like feeling himself out of control, even for a few seconds.

"So, Ana is the one who told you about Michael," Raymond muttered, a hint of amusement tinting his voice and making Christian stop his pacing to look straight into the man's brown eyes, as he replied with all the confidence in the world,

"This file comes from that FBI agent who thinks that sharing with me parts of your past, will make me bend his way."

For the next few seconds, they had a silent clash, during which Raymond was daring Christian to stay in his lie. And though Christian knew he was dangerously playing with words, he stayed on his positions, for he knew that he never denied Raymond's statement, and only omitted part of the truth.

"You mean to tell me, that Ana who knew her brother better than anyone and knew his passion for France, didn't try to try to find her brother whilst in Paris?" Raymond challenged, his eyebrow up whilst a small smirk crept on his face.

Christian did not let that destabilised him, keeping his features cool and composed, even though he knew that he had cornered himself at a dead-end. For a mere second, he wondered if Raymond had known all along about Ana and him, and simply waited the opportune moment to take the matter in his own hands. After all, they were alone in his office, and why else would Raymond tell him about his darkest secret?

"She may, or may not have asked for me to look for her brother," He declared, opting for once again a veiled sample of the truth. It wasn't much a lie, but it wasn't as straightforward as he usually was with Raymond.

For a brief moment, Christian thought that he saw sadness on his boss's face, but that was quickly replaced by Raymond's usual mask. The older man cleared his throat, leaning a bit on his office, which did not go unnoticed by Christian who was still waiting to see if his mentor would pull his gun.

"And now that you found out what happened to him?"

"She asked me to find him, not what happened to him," Christian said with a cold voice, though if he were honest with himself, he still didn't know what he would tell the brunette.

Raymond longly looked at him with that way that Christian disliked so much, for it made him feel bare in front of his boss, and finally, the kingpin said, "I buried him in Michigan, where his mother was from. Under the name of Peter Jackson."

Christian took in the information, perfectly aware that Raymond did not give this as a free ride. There was something else behind this, even though he could not see it yet.

"Now that you know where he is, what are you going to tell Ana?" Raymond questioned, and Christian could swear that he heard a quiver in Raymond's voice.

He longly stared in his boss's eyes, before ostensibly turning his back on him, and leaving his office, without saying a word.

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Christian's PoV

As Jose came into his house, Christian finally opened his eyes. He had been waiting for his friend to come home for most of the evening, and a good part of the afternoon. Christian actually rarely came to Jose's place. Not because it was in a bad part of town, but because he knew that Jose liked to be alone in that special place. It was the house that saw him rise from the dirt, and this was the reason why Jose never tried to move out, and actually bought the house when he had enough money.

When Jose came into his living room, he silently watched Christian, not saying a word and hiding his surprise of seeing his best friend in his house. Christian waited for the Hispanic man to come and sit next to him, but once he did, he wasn't sure anymore if he made the right choice to come to him.

"Did she break up with you," Jose asked when Christian had remained silent for over five minutes. Christian frowned, surprised that his friend had this particular trail of thoughts, and shook his head, clarifying,

"I just saw Raymond, and … for the first time in my life, I'm not sure of what to do."

Jose patiently waited for Christian to explain what he meant, but the thing was, Christian was not sure of what Jose already knew or not. He was treading on thin ice, and he did not want to pull Jose down with him if he were to fall.

"Earlier today, I had an FBI agent giving me a file. He's the one I told you about, and he probably thought that giving me information about a certain person would make me more lenient toward his cause. The name on the file was Michael."

Carefully, he studied Jose's reaction, and it became obvious to Christian that Jose had known for a long time that Ana used to have a brother. Christian could even tell that Jose had a fairly good idea of what happened to the young man.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about him?" Christian asked, and Jose shrugged, pouring himself some ice tea.

"First of all, it is not my place. This is all Steele business. Second, I never knew anything for sure. I know that Raymond had a son and that one day, that son 'ran away'. But I also saw Raymond drink from a whiskey of his son's birth year a few days after the kid's 'disappearance', and he never really looked for him. If Ana were to run away, she would be found within the hour. Same with his Godchildren."

Christian nodded, sure that if he had been in Jose's shoes, he would have put two and two together, and just like his friend, he would have kept it for himself. As Jose said, it was not his business.

"So? Why are you questioning yourself over this?" Jose asked, and Christian lowered a bit his head, so he could rest his forehead on his knuckles.

"I have known about Raymond having a son for quite a while. Since Paris. Where Ana asked me personally to find her brother …"

For a moment, Jose stayed quiet, understanding what Christian had been thinking about ever since Raymond dropped that bomb on him. Should he stay loyal to his boss, like he had been all these years, and keep the secret for himself, pretending that he hadn't been able to find Ana's brother? Or should he stay true to his word, and let Ana know the truth, crushing the remains of her family in the process?

"This was bound to happen, Christian," Jose finally said, making Christian snap his head up to glare at him. "It was. You are in a relationship with two people who want your loyalty, and you keep one of those relationships a secret. You were bound to find yourself in the middle at some point. And I don't think you came to me to advise you about what you should do. It is not whether you should tell Ana or not, it is about to whom your allegiance is stronger. Ana or Raymond."

As he realised that Jose was right, Christian got off the couch with temper and paced through the living room. It was a dead-end in both situations. If he told Ana, he was betraying Raymond and the trust the man had built in him over the past decade. If he withheld the truth from Ana, it was her trust that he was destroying, before he could even be built on a solid basis.

There was no easy way out of this one. It wasn't the same situation as with Eric and when Ana had asked about him. Christian naturally eluded the answer, and Ana had had the good sense not to push the issue. And in this particular situation, Christian did not feel like betraying one person or the other, since Raymond never said anything about it.

It was obvious for the young man that Raymond did not want his daughter to find out what really happened to her brother. Like he told Christian, he learnt to live with the guilt, and Christian highly suspected that Raymond felt like he was in the same situation that he has been with his wife. He was too afraid to lose his daughter's love to be straightforward about what happened. Even if he was only protecting her.

"If it can help you, I never told Ethan," Jose said, making Christian stop with his incessant pacing to look at him. "When things started to be a bit more than friendly between us, Ethan asked if I knew what really happened to Mike. Mike was his best friend growing up, and he found it suspicious that a man like Raymond couldn't find his missing son, especially with all the resources he has."

"So you lied to your partner?" Christian asked, rising an eyebrow, because the two of them were perfectly aware that this was not an option for him.

Christian did not like to lie to the people he personally interacted with. Even with people he did not consider as close friends like Mia and Ryan, he avoided to lie to the most. He often eluded, or omitted the truth. But that was different that a straight lie to someone's face. Especially when that someone was Ana.

"No. I said that I did not know what happened to Mike, because I don't. I used the grey line. I suspect, but Ethan doesn't need to know what I suspect, and maybe Ana doesn't either."

Christian had a dark chuckle, sitting back next to his friend and letting him know, "I am not like you, Jose. I know exactly what happened to Michael Steele, and why."

"Don't tell me!" Jose precipitately said. Christian kept his lips sealed, understanding that the least Jose knew, the more he could deny anything concerning that situation.

"I just wish I hadn't given my word to Ana," Christian groaned out in frustration, throwing his head backwards.

"This never would have come up, if you had listened to me in the first place," Jose admonished, earning a death glare from Christian.

This was a recurring conversation between the two of them, and the more they talked about it, the more Jose warned Christian that there were ways to be hurt that did not involve physical pain. And each and every time Jose said those things, Christian stubbornly staid on his position, saying that he was fine as it was.

"I don't want to have this conversation again, Jose! My relationship with Ana is not the problem here. You don't want to go down that road with me," Christian warned, not in the mood to listen to yet another lecture from his friend. He knew that Jose meant well, and he had to admit that he had some very solid and compelling arguments. But … there was something preventing him to stop things with Ana, and pushed him to take things even further with her.

"This is just a small thing, Christian. But how are you going to feel, when Raymond orders you to ice someone who turns out to be one of her acquaintances. Or when Ana will ask something of you that goes against what Raymond taught you. If you want to keep that relationship with her, you have to come out of the closet. It is not healthy to have a secret relationship, to begin with."

"Aren't you being a bit hypocritical?" Christian asked with venom, annoyed that Jose always ended up being the voice of reason. Especially when he usually shut that voice down so easily, when it wasn't personified by his best friend.

Jose froze for a moment, realising that he wasn't as white of a sheep as he pretended to be, and stuttered, "It's … it's not the same. Ethan and I … we … it's not something that —"

"Don't you dare tell me that it won't last. We both know how you feel about that man, and we both know that, contrarily to me, you're the one who doesn't want to come out of the closet," Christian accused, though he immediately felt bad when he saw Jose's shoulders sink. He questioned him with a look, and Jose confessed,

"I think it is over between Ethan and I."

"Because of —"

"No. He thinks I'm having an affair with Mia. He saw me a couple of times with her after I cancelled on him, and he knows I spend most of my days with her. And since I can't really tell him what I do with her, he assumed the worst, sensing that I wasn't straightforward with him."

"But … you're gay. Why would Ethan even assume there is anything sexual between you and Mia?" Christian mused, baffled that this would be the reason for a fallout between Ethan and Jose. Jose looked down on his joined hands, and breathed deeply through his nose,

"Because I never really came out as 'full-on gay'. I liked Ethan, and what happened happened, but I am not liking waving the colours everywhere I go. And several times, this conversation came back as to was I gay or not."

Christian remained silent, not sure of what to do or tell. Even though he had never seen Ethan with Jose, it was obvious to him that Jose loved the eldest Kavanagh child. From the few times that Jose talked about his love life, it had been obvious to Christian. But he also knew that there was something holding Jose back, and now, he suspected that it was this very thing that tore the couple apart.

"Maybe you should try to let him know why it is so hard for you to be as open as him about you being together," He suggested, hoping to say the right things. But Jose darkly chuckled, leaning against the couch and closing his eyes, as he cynically asked,

"Have you told Ana about your sordid past? Have you told her about the ups and downs that forged your characters?"

"Partially."

"Well, in that case, you're a lot braver than me. I don't want Ethan's pity. I can take anything but his pity. And I'd rather have him throw me out, than have him look down on me with pity."

Christian looked at his friend who had kept his face unreadable while saying those words, and he suddenly wondered what had happened to Jose in his past to make him who he was now. He had already questioned Jose several times about his past, but Jose always said that he'd rather not talk about it, and Christian respected that decision. He understood that there were parts of his life that Jose would rather forget about, no matter how difficult it was.

He himself had some memories he would rather forget, and that he hadn't shared with Ana. But he couldn't tell if it was because he didn't want to see pity in her eyes, or because she still did not ask the right questions. When he had told her about his last foster family, and how he parted with them, it had made him very uncomfortable to see her tear up about it. mostly, because he had dealt with it a long time ago, and because he felt this was not reason enough.

But when he thought back of that moment a few days later, he had to admit that there had been something more than discomfort. He had a sort of new-found pleasure on confiding to Ana, and having her feel for him, no matter how he was now detached to the situation.

"Maybe you won't see pity in his eyes. All Ethan needs is a proof that you trust him. Maybe you telling him about —"

"I didn't even tell you, Christian," Jose cut him off, clearly not ready to take this step in his relationship with the Kavanagh.

Christian understood, and backed off, though he made a mental note to bring this conversation back in a near future. With a loud heave, he got up, even more, confused than before he came to his friend, and he let the Hispanic man know,

"I won't be here for the next couple of days. I'm going to Michigan."

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Christian's PoV

Christian stared at the tombstone, doing his best to ignore the little voice in his head that was telling him that he should have brought Ana with him, instead of telling her that he was leaving town for a couple of days. She didn't question him about his whereabouts, because she never did, and Christian kept for himself where he was actually going. Mostly because he did not know why he was doing it.

If he were honest with himself, a major part of him was glad that Raymond acted the way he did. The more he thought about it, the more anger he was building toward someone that he had never met, and would never meet. There was something twisted about Michael Steele, and no matter how Raymond had tried to rationalise his son's behaviour, by saying that Michael never grew out of his Oedipal complex and had transferred it to Ana for looking so much like her mother; Christian still thought that this was something unnatural.

And still, he couldn't condone Raymond's actions. Michael had been his son. Maybe Christian would have been more lenient and understanding if Raymond hadn't been the one to end Ana's brother's life. This was something that Christian had troubles dealing with, the fact that Raymond who was so overprotective about his daughter, and godchildren, took his son's life in the blink of an eye. sure, it was an impulse, but Michael was still his flesh and bones.

"Why did you tell me? You could have lied, I would have bought it," Christian suddenly said, sensing Raymond's gaze on him from a few feet away.

He heard Raymond walking to him until he was standing next to him. "You're probably one of the only person on this Earth who doesn't buy the lies he had been fed with, no matter how well crafted," Raymond uttered matter-of-factly. "Besides, you already knew before even asking me. Especially if you've been looking for him since Paris."

"Suspecting something is not the same thing as knowing something, and you know it," Christian coldly replied, avoiding on purpose the part where Ana had been mentioned.

Raymond stayed silent for a moment, looking at his son's tombstone as Christian pointed out, "You've been coming to Michigan every year ever since I worked for you. I never understood that particular movie, and never asked about it. I always assumed that it was a special date for you and your wife."

Once again, Raymond did not say a word, his eyes still on the tombstone dedicated to 'Peter Jackson'. Christian respected his silence, though he was curious as to whether it was because was at a loss of words, or if it was because Raymond was paying his respects to his son.

"What did you tell Ana?" He finally asked, making Christian frown. Raymond turned his head to him, and explained, "You said that she asked for you to find him, what did you tell her?"

"Nothing yet."

Raymond longly looked at Christian, before having a disabused smile and looking back at the grave. "You're looking at me with a whole different light."

"What does it have to do —"

"Had I ask you that question two days ago, you would have immediately told me that this did not concern you. But since you finally found something to judge me on, you're hesitant as to what you should do next."

Christian kept for himself what really made him feel hesitant, though it occurred to him that Raymond was far from wrong. He did see Raymond differently, making his mentor no longer that perfect highly praised figure above him.

"There is something that I don't understand …" Christian started, waiting for Raymond to give him a sign that Christian had his attention. "Why did you tell me? You could have told me to piss off, and I wouldn't have asked any more question. You kept this secret to yourself all those years, so why did you tell me?"

"To prepare you. So you would know the cost of being at the head of Idris. I have no doubts that had I been another man, with a regular job, I wouldn't have reacted the same way, and Ana would still have a brother as we speak. But being the man I am had its tolls on me. It made me less patient toward the issues that are close to my heart. It made me more prone to violence. It made me less regarding on what is wrong and right in society's eyes, and solely care about my own personal gains. I want you to know that being at the head of Idris isn't just a personal choice. It's a choice that will affect the family that you are so desperate to have."

As those words were said so nonchalantly, Christian felt a wave of anger wash through him, that seemed foreigner to him for it came at such a force. He had always been so in control of his emotions, that he was the first one shocked that he was having such a strong reaction, especially toward something that he had been kind of expecting.

"Who says I want to take over?" He strongly said, not doing one thing to hide his anger. "Who says I want to be at the head of Idris? You already have an heir, don't bring me into this."

"We both know that I won't bring Ana into this, and I know you're not stupid enough to think that I took you under my wings and trained you the way I did all these years, out of the goodness of my heart," Raymond snapped, though contrarily to Christian, he did not seem upset the least in the world by Christian's outburst.

Christian glared at the older man. "I don't want Idris. I don't want to replace you. I don't want to have this weight on my shoulders. Especially, if this is the cost," He argued, pointing Michael's grave to prove his words. "I want a normal family, and I certainly don't want them to have to pay the price."

"If you want a normal family, Christian, you chose the wrong line of work. How will you justify to your wife your late-night calls? The occasional bruises? The random strangers showing up at your place? Normal family doesn't go with being a mobster, and you know it. You've been postponing your personal life because you know it is impossible for you to have this little fantasy of yours."

Christian did not retort, aware that Raymond was right. But that did not mean that he was ready to admit that to his face. His mentor rested a comforting hand on his shoulder, and told him,

"Because I always had a soft spot for you, I will give you this one opportunity. If you want out, then leave. There will be no repercussion, as long as you don't go sell me out to the first cop you see. If you want that white picket fence life so much, I will let you off the hook, and scar-free. Think about it well, and let me know when you come back home."

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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

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~ So ... Christian has an outing of this life ... and who knows, maybe this is his opportunity to date Ana officially.

~ Anyway, question time:

💚What do you think of the conversation between Christian and Raymond?

💚What do you think MEthan and its downfall? And before you guys start jumping at her throat, Mia knows nothing of this.

💚 Do you think Christian will take Raymond on his offer? And do you think he will tell Ana about Mike? I'm curious at to your answer on this one

💚What did you think of this chapter overall? And what do you think will happen next?

💚What was your favourite part?

💚Anyway, E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, everything else is mine.

‼️FOR REVIEWERS‼️

I am so sorry, but once again this section is closed. I don't feel so well, and I'm trying to update as much as possible. But I would still like to take the time to THANK YOU ALL for the response towrd the last chapter. I know many of you want to know about present Ray and if he knows about our sneaky couple, but that's not for now. Just know that a lot has been said during that chapter, read between the lines. Once again, THANK YOU so much to all of you for taking the time to read the story, for following it and for reviewing it. You have no idea what it means to me.

Love, Mina💚💚💚