26 – ROYAL BLOOD

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The Third Timeline

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The first thing I feel is the cold. The sharp sensation grows stronger and stronger, like I've never felt it before. Not wind on my skin; it is a cold within my body. I reach inward on instinct, touching at my fire. This cold will kill me. I can't feel anything else.

I search harder for fire, straining to find any ember of it in my energy or blood. But there is nothing.

The effort exhausts me and I fall once again into the icy emptiness.

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The Second Timeline

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"DAMN YOU BOTH!"

Validar raised his hand and a storm of dark magic shot towards Chrom's back. I pushed him out of the way, taking the full force of the blast. I flew backwards and hit the ground hard. The clarity in my mind weakened and my magic withered.

I heard Chrom scream and the sounds of battle echoed in my head as my consciousness slipped in and out. Finally, I felt his hands on my face and his lips pressing against my forehead. "Are you all right?" he asked.

I looked over his shoulder at the body on the ground, dark energy seeping from its lifeless form.

"That's the end of him," Chrom said, pulling me to my feet and holding me in his arms. "Thanks to you we carried the day."

But I couldn't focus on his eyes or on the comfort of his touch. I couldn't tear my gaze away from the corpse and the dragon magic flowing out of it into the world, spiraling up like flames in a bonfire.

The dissociative feeling in my mind grew stronger. I could sense the dark magic released into the air penetrating my own energy, strengthening the static in my mind to an incoherent roar.

I heard Chrom's voice as if from far away. "We can rest easy now, at long last."

My heart pounded in my ears, louder and louder, each beat like a blow to my head. My vision grew red and my fingers burned with flames.

I could barely hear Chrom cry out, "Wait! What's wrong?"

I felt my hand on the hilt of my dagger as the dark magic burned its way through my body. My mind cleared and my vision steadied. I looked into Chrom's eyes to find that they were widened in shock.

He staggered back a step, staring at the blade in his chest. The Levin sword was crackling with flames. I looked down at my hands in horror and back up at him as he clutched at the dagger.

"This is not your fault," he said, struggling to stay on his feet. "Promise me you'll escape from this place…"

My body was rooted to the spot in terror.

"Please…" he gasped. "Go."

Chrom collapsed and I broke through my panic to fall to my knees beside him. I held his body in my arms and felt his shuddering breaths. He choked and the flame dissipated, leaving behind nothing but blood, singed flesh and the steel blade pierced deep into his body.

I'd seen this moment before so many times in my nightmares, seen the first Gray kill Chrom. I cursed Validar, I cursed the first Gray for not loving Chrom enough to control her magic, and I cursed myself for thinking that I was different.

"Please… please don't be gone. I tried- I tried so hard to control the magic, to keep it at bay. I swore this time it wouldn't…"

I felt Chrom's heart still beating and shock hit me. He was still alive. Energy was stirring inside him, unlike any I had felt before.

I picked up his hand and felt warmth radiating from it, magic.

"There is magic in all of my family," Emmeryn had told me once. Could it be possible?

Carefully, I pulled the blade from Chrom's chest and placed his hand against the wound, praying.

"Chrom!" I called. "Chrom, use it, use your energy. I know it's in there somewhere, hiding. Please, please find a way to use it. This is the eleventh hour. If you have any magic, use it now. Please. I beg you!"

Green light was flowing softly from his fingertips and from the wound in his chest, flowing out with his blood. But it was too faint to heal him.

"Chrom, come on. Please!"

I searched for any magic inside me that wasn't the dark magic. I found traces of my own energy, not Validar's. Placing my palm over Chrom's, I carefully pushed my energy outwards to empower his own. I didn't know if it would work but I had to try everything I could. I felt my dark magic revolt inside me and I clenched my teeth, forcing it back in, hating it with everything in my soul.

I fought the dragon magic and bowed my head, tears falling onto Chrom's body. My hatred slipped away, overcome by my desperate love. The passion filled my spirit, surging to life the pure, innocent fire inside me.

The magic flowed from my hands with warm clear light, stirring at Chrom's. His palms glowed stronger with healing magic and I felt air catch in his lungs.

His mouth opened with a breath and his wound began to close, his body restoring slowly. I pushed more energy into his, igniting his own. His body coursed with magic and his heart began to beat stronger.

"Come on, come on, Chrom. Please! I love you. I love you so much. Please, don't let me lose you."

The healing magic finished its work and retreated back into his core, exhausted of its power. Chrom gasped and opened his eyes.

I buried my face against his neck and sobbed. "You're alive. You're alive. Oh my gods, it worked."

"Gray…" he said faintly.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could control the dark magic. I swore I wouldn't hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"Sshh," he whispered. "We're both here now."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

We stayed there for a time, as I clung to him. Then as Chrom's strength returned, he tipped my chin up to look at him and smiled at me. I stared into his eyes, tears still in mine.

"You need to stay away from me," I said. "I know Validar is dead now and that my magic only reacts like that when he's around, but I can't be sure. I don't understand it enough. I cannot take such a risk again. I'm so sorry. I was so arrogant thinking I was stronger than him. I can never forgive myself for it."

"We will find a way to heal you. I know it. You healed me."

"I didn't. You have healing magic within you. I just helped stir it to life."

"What? I don't have any magic."

"Emm said once that there is magic in your whole family."

"But…" He didn't finish the thought. "If such miracles can happen, then I know now that others can. We'll heal you, Gray. I'm not letting you go anywhere."

"I can't take that risk!"

"Then let it be my risk. There are worse things than dying."

I knew I couldn't argue with him. And whether I let him change my mind or not, I couldn't leave him yet anyways. I had to make sure he was safe. My dark magic was stored away in my core for now and I doubt I had any energy left in me to fuel it at the moment.

"I love you," I said again. I didn't know what else to say.

Chrom put his hand behind my head and pulled me close to kiss me.

"That is all that matters to me," he said. "I trust the Gray who loves me so deeply much more than I fear Validar's magic. He is dead, his hold over you is gone. I have you back… just you, the man I love."

I kissed him again, desperately, and whispered, "I don't deserve you."

He smiled. "Love isn't about what we deserve."

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The Third Timeline

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This time when the cold returns, it sharpens my consciousness and I find sunlight dazzling my eyes. I blink until my eyes focus and I see familiar walls. Ylisstol.

Shivering, I pull the blankets tighter around me and try to take stock of my body. I can't feel any wounds, but neither can I feel any fire within me. The core of energy is dead and I've never felt so hollowed out before.

The door opens and Olivia tiptoes into the room. "You're awake!" she says, rushing over to sit at my bedside.

"How- how long have I been unconscious?"

"It's been a week," she replies.

"Chrom, Henry…"

"They're alive."

"And Validar?"

"Henry killed him. He's gone. Him, the Fire Emblem, everything."

"How did I survive?" I ask.

"You were healed," she says.

"But I thought- wasn't it impossible? Lissa couldn't heal me. I remember hearing your voices. She said I was gone."

"You nearly were."

"Then how-"

"It was Chrom," Olivia answers. "I don't know how, but he healed you. The Exalt says that all of their bloodline has healing magic, it just hadn't shown in Chrom before. He must have found it, when he needed it most."

The idea felt strangely familiar to me. Had I known it all along? But I could never have guessed at it. I hadn't felt any magic in him before. But is it because I never looked for any?

"Is he alright?" I ask.

"He was unconscious for a while. I couldn't feel any energy left in him, but he's recovering. He's been at your side for days. I finally convinced him to go sleep."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Then recollection hits me and fear twists in my heart. "Did something happen to the baby?"

"We can feel a heartbeat still," she says. "It was so faint, but yesterday we felt it again. But none of us can feel any energy in you. Your magic, the child's magic – it's gone."

"Exhausted?"

"No, it's just gone. I've never heard of someone losing their magic before."

The idea stuns me. "He's alive. Dear gods… I didn't even really know for sure if I was pregnant until I heard Lissa tell you."

Olivia places her hand on my stomach and closes her eyes. I can't feel her magic, for I have none to connect with it, but I know she is reaching out with it.

"You won't be able to feel it just yet, but I can still feel it: the child's heartbeat. It's incredible," she says softly.

I close my eyes, overwhelmed with too many emotions to make sense of.

Olivia takes my hand in hers and says, "You feel so cold."

"I've never been without my fire before."

She nods, but there is still a deep sadness in her expression I don't understand.

"There's something else you're not telling me," I say.

"You need to rest and recover," she replies. "I will tell you more later."

She moves to get up but I catch her wrist and ask, "Please, Olivia?"

She sits back down and looks at me.

"Thank you," I say. "I owe you more than words can express."

"For what?"

"For doing what you did. You stopped me from killing Henry. It must have not been easy. I owe you a debt I can never repay for your courage."

"I doubt many will agree with you. Chrom has hardly spoken to me."

"He will forgive you. It is not in his nature to hate."

"And you? You really don't hate me? You might have survived, but when I stabbed you I struck to kill."

"I know. But I would have blamed you more for hesitating," I tell her. "I am grateful for your strength. Sometimes it's impossible to save everyone. You made the right choice, and not many would have. But please, I know there is more for you to tell me. I don't need magic to feel your worry."

"I don't quite know how to explain," she says.

"Please, tell me."

She shifts uncomfortably and hesitates, then the words come pouring out of her with frantic worry. "It's Henry. He's… it's like he's gone. He hasn't spoken to me since that night. Every time I try to speak to him or touch him, he withdraws into himself and closes his eyes. I can't get through to him. I don't know what's wrong. The way he killed Validar, it was horrific. It would have destroyed many people. But Henry, he's different. He can handle horror like that. I know he's seen so many dark things in his life. He's always managed to keep a part of him removed from it, that wonderful, gentle part that loves so deeply."

"Has he seen any healers?"

"He has, but they can only heal his body. Even I can't heal his soul, though I've tried with everything in me. I think it's Validar's magic, the dark magic he pulled from you. It's eating him alive. He's feverish, pale, hardly eating or sleeping. He just sits there, hiding from everyone. I fear so much that part of him has died. He's just not himself, not at all. He won't even let Jasper into his room."

"Can I see him?" I ask.

Olivia's expression sharpens. "What could you do that I can't?" she snaps. "Your magic has all but killed him."

"I don't have any magic left. Please, can I see him?"

"I don't know if you can even get up."

I muster my strength enough to sit up and move my legs off the bed. I feel lightheaded and weak, but I manage to get to my feet. "I can move. Take me to him, please. I love him too, Olivia."

"If he won't speak to me, he won't speak to you."

"I know. I just want to see him."

Olivia gives in and takes my arm, helping me walk. She hands me a coat and I pull it on over my bedclothes. Together, we limp through the castle to Henry's room. Jasper is perched on the doorframe, his feathers ruffled and his head bowed.

He sees Olivia and drops down to her shoulder, nuzzling her neck and pecking her. "I know, love," she says, petting him. "I know."

She tries the doorknob but it is locked.

"Damn it," I swear.

"Just hold on," she says, fishing a lock pick from her pocket. "I've had to learn how to use this thing lately." In a few minutes, she has the lock undone and opens the door.

The shades are drawn over the windows and it takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim room. When they do, I see Henry sitting in the corner. But he isn't huddled up, he is leaning against the wall, legs splayed out before him and his hands in his lap.

Jasper flutters over to him, but doesn't touch him. He perches on a shelf next to Henry wearily, watching his friend.

Henry's eyes are closed but his body is shaking with silent sobs. In one hand, he's holding a knife.

"Henry!" Olivia cries and drops to her knees beside him, seizing the knife.

His eyes snap open and he tries to resist but she manages to wrest it from his hands. She throws it across the room and grabs his shoulders, pinning him against the wall. "What the fuck?" she gasps. "What the fuck were you going to do with that?"

He doesn't reply, closing his eyes again.

I approach him slowly on my unsteady feet and sit down beside him. He doesn't acknowledge my presence at all. Tears are slipping down his face and his jaw is clenched tight.

"What are you doing?" Olivia demands. "For fuck's sake! Answer me."

He opens his eyes and but stares down at the ground. "Thinking," he says in a hoarse voice.

"Thinking about what?" I ask softly.

He finally glances at me and his eyes widen slightly.

"I'm alive. My magic is gone, I think for good. But I'm alive, and so is my child," I reassure him. "And what about you? Are you still alive?"

"Obviously," he says.

Olivia still hasn't let go of him. "Finally you're speaking again," she says.

He refuses to meet her eyes.

"Why haven't you spoken to me sooner?" she asks.

"I have nothing to say," he answers.

I can't tell if it is grief or fury in Olivia's expression. She shakes his shoulders and stares at him until he looks into her eyes. "Let go of me," he says calmly. "Now."

"I am not going to let you go," she says.

"I need to talk to Gray."

Olivia glances at me with a hurt look. "Talk to me first," she says to him. "I've missed you, so much. You have no idea."

"I know. You keep breaking in here and staring at me."

Olivia growls and lets go of him. "Fuck you, Henry. Fuck you! I love you so much."

"Please, let me talk to Gray. Alone."

"Olivia," I say. "I'll keep him safe. Just for a moment, let him say whatever is on his mind. Then you can return and talk sense into him."

She stands stiffly and gives us both a withering glare. She leaves the room and Henry says, "Jasper, go with her."

He caws but Henry points at the door until he leaves the room with Olivia. I move closer to Henry, studying his face. He wipes the tears off his cheeks and looks back at me with reddened eyes and a blank expression.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "How can I help?"

"You can repay your debt."

"How?"

"I protected what you love. Now I need you to protect what I love."

"I will. I promise."

"Go get the knife," he says.

"What? No! I'm not letting either of us near any weapons for the rest of our lives!"

Henry stares at me. "You have no idea what is happening to me," he says. "If you love me, even if you just give half a damn about me, get that knife."

"Why?"

His expression wavers for a second with an emotion I think is anger or shame. "Because I'm a fucking coward. Always have been, always will. Gods damn you, Gray. You got all the strength. All I have is this bloody magic and no soul. Validar was right. The dragon magic was stronger in you than it was in me. I was the failed experiment."

"You killed him," I say.

"In the end. I wouldn't have if you weren't a superhuman firing a spell at death's door. No one should have been able to do that."

"Henry, I swear to hell, if you expect me to kill you, I'm not going to do it for anything. I love you."

I expect him to react in anger, but instead he begins to cry again. I take him in my arms and whisper, "What are you afraid of?"

"Dying. It's pathetic."

"It's not pathetic. I am so glad you are alive."

"You don't get it. Your magic's gone. You are going to live in peace now. But me… I'll always have it. I'll have his magic in my blood forever and with it a part of his soul - the part that was in you. I felt it when I killed him like that. I knew he was getting the last laugh. I can't let that happen."

"Leaving Olivia, leaving your family, that's what lets him win."

"He was always going to win. And I was always going to leave her. If I wasn't such a coward I would never have let her near me to begin with. I've fucked everything up, Gray. Please, just let me not keep fucking up for the rest of my life."

"I'm not doing it."

He sighs and his body sags in my arms. "I guess I'll find the courage one day. Or maybe I'll just starve to death."

I hold onto him tightly, trying to find anything to say to fix this, to convince him to keep going. A faint memory stirs in my mind. Chrom holding me after our fight with Validar. "I trust the Gray who loves me so deeply much more than I fear Validar's magic. He is dead, his hold over you is gone. I have you back… just you, the man I love."

"We aren't children of the dragon anymore," I say. "The dragon's dead. Validar's dead. He can't have any power over us anymore. And me… I trust the Henry that loves a woman so much he would put a knife to his own throat to save her, the brother that loves his sister enough to risk everything, the uncle that's going to help me raise my child and teach him how to talk to crows and make stupid potions. Validar's dead but you're here, just you, your soul, your mind, your love. We have all survived this, by so many miracles."

"You don't understand."

"I understand better than anyone," I tell him.

"Please, Gray. Olivia's gonna break back in any moment now. She's unstoppable. Please, I can't let her see this. That's why I can't ask her. She might have killed you, but I saw how much it grieved her to do it. If I ask her to kill me, she won't. She may be ruthless, but I'm her weakness. Gods damn me."

"Henry, do you trust me?" I ask.

"Not much."

"Talk to Olivia, comfort her. She's going out of her mind worrying about you. Just be with her for the rest of the day, even if it hurts like hell. Just for one day. Then tonight, I'll come back and we will do whatever we have to."

"You're not going to do it," he says, pulling out of my arms.

"Henry, look at me. I will keep my word, if you keep yours. Comfort Olivia in any way you can today, make sure she knows you love her. And in return, I will do what you ask of me."

"I can't ask for any more of her love. I never deserved it to begin with. It's just going to hurt her more."

"Love isn't about what we deserve. It's not about us. It's about the people who give it to us."

He stares at me for a long moment, then nods. "I give you my word."

"And for fuck's sake, pet Jasper. That crow is going to die if you don't reassure him you're still alive."

Henry smiles faintly. "Stupid bird."