A/N: I can't thank all of my devoted readers who have stuck with me this far into this different and incredible journey that this story has taken. I am always happy and filled with satisfaction when I get to deliver an early morning chapter for you guys. Well, more like afternoon now for me, but for some of you it may be late at night or early morning. This is another painful chapter, (Sorry) that I wanted to focus more on Regina. There is some Emma in the very beginning however. I hope you all like it just as much as you have the rest. On a last note, thank you to all my facebook followers who have daily been giving me words of encouragement for this story! Each and every one of you make this story worth the writing. I will do my best to post another update for this one as well as my newest one, Return To Me. Happy reading! :)
Ingrid was surprised to find Emma sitting by the breakfast table as she came down the stairs and made her way into the kitchen. She spotted the younger blonde with her head down, obviously exhausted from her long night. It made her feel at ease, at least to see her out of her room.
Emma lifted her head as she felt the older woman's presence.
By the look on Emma's face, she was clearly hungover, something Ingrid couldn't let pass. "Your first hangover." She commented, standing before the soldier, "The aftermath of drinking isn't as fun, is it?"
Emma remained silent as Ingrid moved towards the blonde, sitting beside her. "I'm not going to lecture you about staying out late and drinking, Emma." She said "You are twenty one and free to do as you wish. But, I would like to ask that you are careful. You want to go out fine, I'm all for that. Go out, distract yourself."
She stood to her feet, gathering up a pack of ice as her eyes studied Emma's injured hand. Gathering ice into a hand towel she kept around the kitchen. Emma's eyes studied her every movement, looking down as she gently placed the ice pack on her knuckles. The cold of it slowly overtaking her hand more and more.
"I'm sorry." Emma's voice was a soft whisper, her eyes focused on the ice pack that rested upon her hand. Even a little nursing gesture such as a simple ice pack made her think of Regina. She would have rushed to tend to her injury since that night. "I'm sorry if I scared you and that I lost control with him."
Ingrid chuckled, her blue eyes focused on the broken soldier before her who couldn't even look her in the eyes. "To give you some credit for last night, don't ever apologize for hitting that bastard. I actually quite enjoyed that." She joked. To which Emma's lips didn't even crack a smile. "Emma, look at me."
Emma's eyes remained focused on her hand. Too ashamed to look up at the older woman.
"That's an order, soldier." Ingrid's voice was firm, but gentle all at once. She continued as Emma looked up at her a pair of glossy green eyes. "I'm sorry too. I should have told you about him writing to me. Finding us. I guess I was just trying to protect you like when you were a little girl."
"You don't have to protect me." Emma shook her head.
"I know. But no matter how old you get, I'll always want to protect you. Anyone who loves you will want to do just that, just like you care for them." Her hand cupped the blonde's cheek, wiping away at a fallen tear with her thumb. "Oh, Emma. I wish I could be like your fairy Godmother and come in with a magical wand and protect that broken heart of yours."
More tears made their way down green eyes. Emma's breathing shaking as she was starting to struggle in holding them in again.
"But, unfortunately. That's life. You meet the love of your life, sometimes you make it and sometimes you get your heart broken." Her hand wiped away at her fallen tears, "And sometimes, you are the one who has to break someone's heart." She paused, "Love is… like a rose. You see the most beautiful one out an entire pile and you just know. That's the one for you. You chose it, nurture it with all the love you have in you so it'll do nothing but want to bloom for you. But even when you are most careful, even when you handle it with the most delicacy… life will find a way to remind you that just as it has its beauty to offer. It has its thorns too."
"Yeah, well this one had a pretty big thorn." Said Emma, her voice low.
Ingrid removed the ice pack from the soldier's hand, cupping it very gently with her own.
"Do you believe… that maybe she never loved me?" Emma's eyes met Ingrid's, hoping to see the answer she wanted in them.
Ingrid didn't hesitate, "No. I saw her with you, I spent some time conversing with her about you. Herself. And I don't believe that for one bit, that woman didn't love you."
"But, appearances could be deceiving. Right? Just like a rose." Emma replied coldly.
Ingrid took a moment to nod, "Just like a rose. No human being is easy, you know that better than anyone." She paused, "But I believe… that Regina is a woman who has a lot of her past unsolved, Emma. She comes from a complicated life that she never chose to have and she may not see it now, how strong of a woman she really is. But, we all do sooner or later."
"I just wish I could understand." Said Emma, "Understand why. How is going back to the man that won't offer her the happiness she truly wants make anything better?"
The older blonde shrugged, "I can't answer that. Only she can."
"I was going to ask her to marry me." Tears made their way down as Emma scoffed, her hand quickly wiping them away, "So stupid. She must be laughing at me right now, because the reality always was, I never had anything to offer her. Not really."
"I don't believe that, Emma." Replied Ingrid, "You have so much to offer. You do." She insisted as the blonde shook her head, "And if she couldn't see that then, I believe she will in time."
"And if she doesn't?" Tears made their way down again, her voice shaking.
Ingrid sighed, "Then, maybe that's life's way of telling you that you should move on. As painful as it may be. But only you get to decide how long are you willing to wait." She stretched out her arms towards the soldier who's body shook with muffled sobs as Emma quickly found her place in her loving embrace. "Just remember that I'm always here. And I will support you in whatever it is you decide for your life." Her embrace tightened around her, "Because Emma, you are the best gift life could have blessed me with." She broke their hug, her hands cupping the sides of her face as her eyes focused on Emma's teary, red ones, "You are my daughter. And I love you with everything I have in me." She smiled, "You are and always will be a fighter. You will get back up from this."
Emma nodded, embracing Ingrid again, tighter this time, as Ingrid's arms circled her just the same. 'You will get back up from this,' those words drummed inside her head, wishing she would know if that were at all true. Maybe it was. Her question now was…
When?
A yellow envelope was tossed onto a table, a few stacks of bills sliding out as a hand fell onto them.
"What's this?" asked Carl, looking up at the man before him.
"Call it a bonus." Robin walked over to the mini bar in the hotel room, serving himself a drink. "There's more where that came from if you keep doing your job."
Carl picked up a stack of bills, his eyes drinking in the amount before him. He chuckled, shaking his head.
"What's funny?" Asked Robin, the ice in his glass clinking as he raised it up to his lips to take a sip. The scotch burning his throat on the way down.
"I just can't believe, of all the people to fuck over," he chuckled again, "It had to be Emma Swan."
"Just make sure you watch her. Don't be stupid again and go confronting her about whatever problem you guys had in the past." Robin chuckled, bringing the glass of scotch near his lips again, "I don't want to have to visit you in the hospital, or worse. Become your doctor."
"What Emma and I have is something personal. It's not your business." The man snarled, the still fresh bruises on his face hurting just from the memory of that night.
Robin sat his glass down on the coffee table, standing to his feet as he looked down at the man, "Everything you do is my damn business." His hand grabbed onto the man's shirt, forcing him to look him in the eyes, "I don't care whatever issue you have with this woman Ingrid, she is not the priority. Emma is. I am paying you to watch her, not to go in there and stir up trouble. If you can't do a simple task such as watching, then I suggest you let someone else handle the job."
Carl slapped Robin's hand away, "I can do it."
"Be sure that you do or your next payment won't be as generous." Robin moved towards the bed, picking up his suit jacket as he placed it back on around his body, "Keep reporting back to me. To be frank, I could give two shits about what Emma Swan does with her life." He looked down at the man again, "But I do care about what Regina does with hers. Every step of the way."
Carl nodded, "Every step of the way."
"And remember. You do not make a move, unless I say so."
Robin walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him without another word. Feeling victorious as ever as things were going to his planning. He was paying this guy a lot of money for things to not be going his way after all. He had tabs on Emma and Regina both.
This entire situation wasn't easy. Regina was constantly followed by Robin's so called friend. Day and night, wherever she went. It surprised her how much everything changed in such little time. Her life seemed to move at paces she couldn't keep up with ever since leaving Emma. Robin was moving things incredibly fast. Everything was just the way he wanted it and she felt like she had no way out. But if in the end her sacrifice would save Emma, even she hated her for it- it became worth it.
Kathryn placed the last box of the brunette's stuff into the trunk of her Mercedes. Not happy at all with this situation. "That's the last one."
Regina slammed her trunk door shut, "Thank you." Her reply was numb. At work the brunette was all smiles, keeping her professional level to a key. But, outside of work, her story was completely different.
"Regina," Kathryn placed a hand on her best friend's shoulder, "You don't have to do this, you know." She shook her head, "You didn't have to leave Emma, make her believe all those horrible things about you that aren't true. Robin forced you to sleep with him." She paused, "If I were you, I would take this car packed up with my stuff, drive to Storybrooke get Emma and get the hell as far away as you possibly can."
Far away. That's where Regina wanted to be. Even if it wasn't with Emma, anywhere would be better than moving into Robin's apartment when him.
The brunette nurse shook her head, "Robin would know, Kathryn." She whispered, "He's not only having Emma followed, but me as well. Plus, she isn't the only one in danger. Everyone Emma knows in Storybrooke are in jeopardy and I can't have that in my conscience if something were to happen to them because of me." She paused, fighting back tears, "I'd rather have Emma hate me, thinking the worst of me than cause her more pain by putting her in danger or anyone else she loves."
"You are already causing her the biggest pain of all." Kathryn replied through clenched teeth, growing upset about this whole manipulative situation. "You can't just let this bastard win, Regina- we have to tell someone."
"No, Kathryn." She sighed, her heart aching as she could remember the look on Emma's face when everything changed, "Please, just… be lucky that after that punch you gave Robin, he didn't press any charges against you. And you didn't lose your job, simply because I had to convince him not to have you fired." She squeezed the blonde's hand as she took her within her own. Tears running down her eyes this time, "You're more than just my best friend and you know that. You've been through every possible relationship with me and I can't lose you too. I gave up the woman that I will always love and know I've lost with the biggest heartache imaginable. I can't lose you too."
Regina was much stronger than this and Kathryn knew it. But, she also knew that there wasn't anything the brunette wouldn't dare to do just for Emma's safety and others.
Kathryn pulled her best friend into a tight hug, allowing her to cry on her shoulder like many other times before. "You won't lose me. I'll miss having you around twenty four seven though."
"I'll miss you too." Regina's voice broke, her eyes closed as she savored their hug. Wishing it was Emma she was hugging, because right now she would give anything for one of the soldier's hugs.
"And I still think this is beyond ridiculous," The blonde whispered, "If you ever change your mind and want to run away with Emma. Let me know, you know I'll gladly help you."
Regina chuckled, wiping away her tears before she had to head over to Robin's place. "Emma would be crazy to forgive me after I convincingly made her think that she never meant anything to me. That ship has long sailed."
"I don't believe that. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Regina. And Emma is crazy for you."
"I have to go." She smiled a sad smile. The saddest Kathryn had ever seen in all the years she's known her. "I'll see you tomorrow for work."
"Regina…" Kathryn called out as the brunette mounted her vehicle, "Regina, don't do this!"
Regina didn't respond. She didn't give her friend one last glance. She simply started her car and drove off into what would now be her life. On the outside, at work, she seemed like the toughest woman alive, like she had her life all figured out. But on the inside, she was continuously dying. And as she drove down that long road, leaving behind everything that ever mattered to her, leaving behind the woman she would always love, tears ran down her face.
Regina unpacked her things, only her clothes for now and one box of her books. The apartment was big, its kitchen was pretty spacious with white walls and black cabinets, along with a black marbled counter top. It looked right into the living room, which was also surrounded by white walls, white furniture and a black center table. Robin was never one for unique tastes. She loved black, but she wouldn't ever have it in her kitchen.
The apartment was also cold. But given that she worked at a hospital, that she could get used to.
The bedroom was a little more to her liking. At least the bed wasn't black. She couldn't help but stare blankly at it, thinking that from now on she would be sleeping in this bed with a man she detested. Resented for taking away a life she was finally looking forward to living with a woman who with her persistence and patience, stole her heart.
Emma. That was a name she wasn't allowed to say ever again. Not in front of Robin anyway. It was one of his conditions, as well as sharing a bed with him. As long as she went along with this life now, Emma would be safe.
The brunette couldn't help but wonder what the soldier could be doing right now.
It was an answer she would never know that ate away at her any chance it got.
She blinked her thoughts away, getting back to unpacking her clothes and hanging them up inside the man's closet. Because everything here was his. Including her. She didn't want nor wished to have any rights towards his things. That was a plan she had with Emma. Where they would share absolutely everything, even when they fought.
But this? This wasn't a plan. This was a prison.
She hung a jacket inside the closet, purposely pushing the man's clothes far away from hers. As she turned to get the last piece of clothing, she stopped as before her, folded up neatly was Emma's blue jacket.
Regina's lips parted open, her hands slowly raising the jacket out of the box, the leather of it still soft as the blonde's scent hit her nostrils. She couldn't help but pull the jacket into an embrace as she sniffed in that unforgettable scent of something so sweet and soft. She couldn't believe the jacket still smelled like her. Then again, she wouldn't wear it much to not get rid of the scent. And to her luck, a bit of it was still there.
"Regina… That's a nice name."
"Turn around for me, please."
"We haven't gone on one date yet and already you want me to expose myself to you?"
"You know, if I loose my leg… you'll owe me that date."
"I should be thanking you. Tonight was everything I thought it would be. Everything I dreamed of it being since the moment we met."
Tears ran down her cheeks as she placed the jacket closer to her face, sobbing soft, muffled sobs as memories of Emma and her still flashed through her mind.
"This could come with challenges. Battles we can't possibly win. It's been so long. I'm afraid love may not be for me. Every time something good happens, life finds a way to rip it away."
"Then we'll fight it. Whatever challenges, whatever battles we are destined to face- I want to be there with you every step of the way."
"Emma… I don't know how to love very well."
"I'll show you."
It's funny that she thought of that moment on their first date. Because life, as cruel as it was being with them right now, did find a way to rip it all away.
Regina folded up the jacket as small as she could manage. She wasn't about to hang this in the closet for Robin to see. She walked up to a drawer and placed it underneath a pile of her clothes. It would be safer there. As she stood up right, she looked in the mirror. Only her eyes didn't fall on herself, they fell on the circular pendant that hung around her neck.
The brunette's hands came up behind her neck, as she removed it. The memory of when Emma gifted it to her, playing in her memory as clear as day.
"Keep it with you. So you'll know we'll see each other again."
Tears rolled down her cheeks, her eyes looking down at the swan pendant. She never imagined taking it off, unless Emma asked for it back. But wearing it around Robin was a dangerous thing.
However, she couldn't help but feel hopeful in the midst of all this mess. Could it be? That maybe, she would ever see Emma again? In how long of time, she wasn't sure. But she wished it so. Maybe Emma wouldn't be looking at her with the same love in her eyes anymore, maybe she would still hate her. But at least she would get to see her.
As she placed the necklace inside the same drawer, hidden underneath all her clothes, where it would be safe. She plopped on the bed as she closed the drawer. Hugging a pillow, as she placed it near her face to muffle her sobs. She hadn't had time to cry about it all, until now.
"You know, when I was in the war. Out in Afghanistan… I thought I had gone through everything that could possibly hurt me. Losing August, lying out there in the sand as thousands of bullets and bombs went off around me. I never imagined anything hurting more. Now I realize… You should have let me died that day in the hospital. Because right now I'm thinking that death would be better than this."
Regina's cries grew louder as Emma's cold look, her surprised and hurt features and pained words played in her mind. They were branded in there like something so permanent that even time wouldn't be able to erase. She had hurt her. And even though it wasn't intentional, and she didn't mean any of the lies she told her- even when she wished Emma could see right through her and figure it all out- she was thankful she hadn't. Not for her sake, but for Emma's.
Still, she had never felt more like a coward in all her life.
Because that's what she was. Even if she told herself that she was holding on strong to keep the woman she loved safe and all her loved ones.
Even when Kathryn repeatedly told her that she was a strong woman. She didn't see it that way.
Regina's exhausted body laid on top of the bed, where she had fallen asleep after a much needed cry.
She was so out of it that didn't even hear as Robin dropped his keys by the dresser as he entered the bedroom.
He loosened up his tie, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt as he sat beside the bed. His eyes observing a sleeping brunette. His hand came up to gently brush her hair away from her face as she began to move in her sleep. He moved his hand away so she wouldn't wake up, leaning down as he placed a kiss right on her temple before he stood up right to head into the bathroom.
That's when he heard a light grunt escape her, followed by a single word. Or name.
"Emma…"
That caused Robin to stop moving altogether. His jaw clenched as he turned to look at the brunette, verifying that she was still fast asleep. He pulled on his tie with all his strength, yanking it off his neck as he moved into the bathroom, slamming the door so hard that the very sound caused Regina to startle awake.