A/N: thanks for the reviews! Bellac27 thanks! It means a lot to me and keeps me going, school is really trying now and its absorbing all my energy, so every positive review or interesting idea helps keep the flame alive. Thank you once again!
XXX
"So, the king of Albion, the most powerful nation, has just turned up out of nowhere?" Iduna asked.
"Sounds about right" Agnarr clarified, wincing himself.
"And now we have to sit with him, who you called to his face a coward"
"That is also true" Agnarr folded his shoulders in on himself.
"This sounds suspicious" Iduna paced around the room, hands rubbing tightly together as she did so.
"I know, but the trade deal he is offering seems very generous, we need this boost after our losses Iduna" Agnarr paced with her two, mirroring her steps. She stopped and pinched her brow.
"Looks like we have no option other than to accept"
XXX
William was sat at the foot of the table, directly opposite Agnarr and Iduna, he picked at the warm soup with his fork and took tentative sips here and there. "Agnarr didn't mention anything about a wife" he said, causing the young couple to start coughing and spluttering.
"We aren't married yet" Iduna said, after the soup had stopped choking her.
"Which household do you belong to?" William asked, his steely grey eyes settling on her now. "Hapsburg? Gothenburg? Castille?"
"Oh, I belong to no royal lines" she said, taking another sip of soup to stifle the conversation.
"Then which lordship do you come from in this country" his eyes still bored into her, their pale and misty colour making her uneasy.
"None your majesty"
"I see, how long have you two been together?" he asked, brushing something off his crimson tunic.
"Nearly a year now" Agnarr joined in, taking Iduna's hand comfortingly, making her hackles slowly lower.
"Well I hope I get an invitation when you decide to marry" The crimson clad king took a sip of wine and smiled warmly at them, though his grey eyes still unsettled Iduna greatly.
"What of you? Do you have any children?" Agnarr asked.
"No, my child is my country. My niece Victoria will take over from me as Queen."
"Won't that present instability?" Iduna asked.
"Under her iron fist, it won't. Even if I had children of my own, I am certain that she would still be queen one day. She is as ruthless as I" he chuckled to himself lightly.
XXX
"That was weird" iduna whispered to him on their way back to their rooms.
"Very weird" he repeated.
They opened the door to their room, green and red rosemaling stretching up in delicate paint, as they had been starting to share it more often than not now. They found Kai lifting a box in the room, groaning under the weight of the heavy crate.
"Good evening your majesties, a new delivery to be sent to your room" with a last heave he dropped the box onto the wooden floor with a mighty bang. Agnarr flinched horrifically, nearly pulling free of their entwined arms, Iduna looked up to see him; his face was a pasty white.
"Your majesty you don't look so well" Kai said, rubbing his back from the strain. "Should I call a doctor?"
"No thank you Kai, I'm quite fine" his voice shook slightly, kai sending a look to Iduna as he bowed and left.
"What's the matter sweetie?" Iduna said, stroking his face softly when the door closed. Agnarr flinched away from it.
"Nothing I'm fine" Agnarr wrapped his hands around his shoulders, trying to shrink down, as though to contain himself. Conceal, don't feel. He repeated the mantra in his head, feeling the fear, anxiety and dread fade away into a numb pool.
"Something is the matter" Iduna placed a soft hand on his shoulder, but he flinched away with such a violence that he spun around and stared at her. His emerald green eyes were possessed with such a look of fear that she gasped. He shook violently once again but turned around to face the large triangular windows. He took a deep breath in and gazed out of them, green eyes a thousand miles away. She slipped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his back. He flinched again violently but softened slightly in the embrace.
"it's hard. I know that. But we are here for you Agnarr. Don't let it eat into you"
Conceal don't feel
"I know Iduna, and I thank you for it." he shook off the dread and fear, burying it down into a deep chasm somewhere within him. "But I'm fine. Just tired that's all" he turned around and placed a tender kiss to her forehead. The two settled in, Agnarr pulling an old book from his dresser.
"What are you reading?" she asked, resting her head on his shoulder as she wrapped an arm around his and breathed in his scent.
"Just some new Danish author" he said, turning to her and smiling. "It feels like a lifetime ago since that day" he said, a wistful look gracing his features.
"It does; doesn't it?" she sighed, holding tighter, "But it's nice to know we also have a lifetime ahead of us" she pressed a kiss to his chin, reading the words along with him.
"I hope so" he turned a page "I want to have a big family" he started to rub gentle circles into her arm.
"Me too, with three or four children" she closed her eyes and smiled warmly "Daughters or sons?"
"Daughters" he replied, "They get on better than boys do" he turned the page again "did you have any brothers or sisters in the forest" they hadn't discussed this yet, they had danced around the subject here and there but never confronted it head on.
"I had a sister; her name was Reina" Iduna said. "She died a few years ago from an illness" her eyes grew dark and she tightened her hold on him.
"I'm sorry" he said, pressing a kiss to her head.
"It was quick, she was weak. It was a while ago now" the words came out blocky and stiff as she tried to suppress the grief she still felt. "My mother's friend, Yelena, was more like a sister to me. Reina was always very weak and frail so she could never come outside, but I and Yelena were inseparable. We used to play in the streams and trees all day" a tear built up and slid down her tanned skin.
"Sounds like a good friend" the circles turned to spirals all up and down her arm "I never had one, my father was always focused on me training to be a king. When I was six, he sent me to the military academy. That's where I met Lieutenant Mattias. He showed me the ropes, showed me how to shoot, how to ride, how to lead and how to help. He was more of a father than my father was really" Agnarr laughed solemnly and looked at his father's portrait across from him.
"he sounds like a good man"
"He was, but he got trapped in the forest like your family" he cleared his throat and concentrated back on his book. "Do you think they're still fighting?" he asked, eyes still locked on the white pages.
"I hope not. I think our leader will realise the situation they're in and work with the Arendellians. I think they might hold some animosity though"
"Mattias was a practical man. I don't think he would keep on fighting if he knows what situation he is in." Agnarr sighed. "I love this"
"Love what?" Iduna asked, her deep blue eyes staring up at him.
"I love it just being us two, no council, no Albion Kings, no war and no crisis. Just you and me, in bed, reading a story together and talking about everything." he looked happy, a genuine smile coming onto his lips for the first time since he had returned.
"I love it too" she said. "I want to spend forever with you"
"Marry me" his voice was a whisper.
"What?" she got up, trying to decide if she was imagining things.
"Marry me" his voice was slightly more confident now, the determination turning his eyes a light green; seemingly illuminating themselves in the twilight.
"Yes" iduna's heart burst open and immediately threw herself into his arms, kissing him intensely. "I love you" she whispered in between kisses.
"I love you too" he said, hugging her tightly. "One good thing that came out of the war is that it made my mind up"
"Made your mind up on what" she sat down on her heels, pinning his legs to the bed.
"That I want to spend the rest of my life with you" she leant down and kissed him once again.
"And I you"
"Wait a second" he gently lifted her off him and left the bed, leaving a confused Iduna sat alone. He proposes to me and then leaves me. What the...
Agnarr came running back to the door, hiding something behind his back. "Close your eyes" he commanded, and she followed.
"Open them" she did so, and she saw him bent down on one knee, holding out a black felt box. Within it was a silver ring with a sapphire crusted with diamonds on the front. The sapphire itself was a dark blue, glinting in the evening light as the rays of the sun fell below the mountain. Her breath seized as she stared at the ring.
"it's beautiful" she whispered.
"It's yours. It was my mother's but she left it for me in her will, for when I find my true love" he offered the little felt box to her and she took it, putting on the beautiful ring and marvelling at it. Agnarr smiled like a young boy at her awestruck reaction, too dazed to notice her throwing herself at him and wrapping him in a crushing bear hug.
"It's amazing, thank you" she kissed him once again, the heat from his lips sending shockwaves down her spine.
"It matches your eyes" he said, breaking the kiss so he could breathe.
"If I could give you a forest to match your eyes I would" she moaned into his ear, the two just standing still in a tight embrace, the warmth of their bodies soothing each other.
"Come on my queen It's time for bed" he gave her an eskimo kiss that she loved so much and hauled her up bridal style, making her giggle and laugh all the way. When their bodies hit the mattress and the two became entwined with each other, sleep hit them and both fell into a restful sleep.
XXX
The courtyard was cold and damp, the long days of summer succumbing to the drag of autumn once more. Green and lush trees burnt to a golden amber, their leaves dropping here and there with slight gusts of wind leaving behind a carpet of golds and reds. The first frost had fallen last night, and the dewy grass gave away the chill in the air, freezing the lips of anyone venturing out. Agnarr watched carefully at the drill for the soldiers, their uniform ranks moving like one giant animal as a corporal or captain braked out orders; their immaculate green uniforms shivering here and there in the crisp morn.
"Tell me again how you structure your army?" William asked, inspecting the drill taking place in front of them.
"We have regiments, followed by battalions and then companies. Each regiment has 1000 men in it, each battalion 200 men and each company 40 men. They are randomised and not based on local area so one area isn't decimated in a single battle"
"Smart, but our system is founded upon each regiment being from the same area. Adds to the camaraderie." William drew his pipe again, releasing fumes out into the clear air. "I noticed Iduna was wearing a new ring this morning" he sent a glance to the younger king by the side of his eyes. "About time you had the nerve" he laughed and patted Agnarr on the back.
"At least I can face an actual battlefield" he quipped back, making the older man laugh.
"Please Agnarr we both know that only your life is at stake on the battlefield" he clasped his shoulder once again, drawing another breath through his pipe, releasing the acrid smoke. "In return for your hospitality I invite you to visit Albion one time, to see our forces in training. It is only fair that we return the offer."
"I will consider it, as you know it is more up to my fiancée than to me" the word felt sweet on his tongue as he tried it out.
"where is she from?" the question caught Agnarr off guard.
"Where is who from?"
"Iduna. She clearly isn't from around here"
"She's Sami, from the north" Agnarr avoided.
"I see, well I wish you all the best. My ship leaves this afternoon." Agnarr nodded in understanding as the Albion King left the courtyard.
XXX
3 days later
Moonlight filled their bedroom, its silver rays lighting up the wooden floorboards, casting shadows to the great paintings hung up on the walls. Iduna lay curled into Agnarr, the gentle rising and falling of her chest a stark contrast to his fitful snores. Warm blankets emblazoned with cross patterns and rosemaling lay strewn across them in order to keep out the early winter chills. Agnarr's head twitched and he groaned, suddenly captured by a violent nightmare of twisted bodies writhing in deep mud; their screams of help and pain echoing out through the darkness, clawing, clawing at his skin until he too was dragged underneath the sticky fluid at the bottom of each shell hole. He jumped awake, sitting bolt upright as he took in the moonlight, its silver rays tricking him for an instant into believing he was in the trenches still the night of the attack. Manic green eyes darted around the room, looking for a rifle that wasn't there; but soon fell on a stirring girl beside him. He closed his eyes and repeated his lifeline.
Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show.
He slowed his breathing and pushed the thoughts down into the chasm again, the numbness giving relief to the racing heartbeat and burning pain scratching at his navel. Iduna sat up with him, jolted awake by his frantic movements.
"What's the matter?" she placed a warm hand on his shoulder.
"Nothing flower, just a bad dream. It's over now." he pulled her into his embrace, hugging her tightly.
"Want to talk?"
"It's okay, it was a silly dream" he whispered, still eyeing the moonlight with a cautionary look, as though the light itself threatened to pull himself out of reality and back into the mud and gunfire of the field.
XXX
Agnarr stared blankly at the plate of toast in front of him, he watched the yellow butter slowly disintegrate into the crumbly bread with tired eyes; the deep purple bags underneath them giving away his sleepless night. Unmoving and unflinching he blankly stared, the butter's death distracting him from the scenes playing out behind his eyes, distracting him from the fear and bitter hatred coursing through him. A loud crash rang out in the great hall, causing agnarr to flinch and his pulse to quicken, as he searched around for the source of the offending noise, only to see gerda close a window that had blown open with the autumn gales. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, settling on Iduna eating a round of jam on toast, in between turning the pages of an ancient textbook.
"What are you reading?" he asked, willing himself to get away from his spiral.
"historical astronomical records, I think the sky changes more than just due to the seasons; a sort of progression if you will." she returned to the giant book; dark blue eyes excited with each new snippet of information she learnt.
"What's on the agenda for today?" he asked, rubbing his coarse face once again for the second time that morning.
"We are doing a tour of the village to celebrate our engagement" she put extra emphasis on the final word, raising her left hand to show off the sapphire ring. "And then we are going to come back for games night. You still need to beat me at blackjack" she smiled at him, and he half-heartedly returned it.
XXX
The village was busy, too busy, Agnarr thought as he went from shop to shop; from workplace to workplace, meeting every villager and townsperson with half of an idea of how to do... anything. He sighed as he braced for yet another workshop tour, a show of a selection of hammers, sickles or bicycles? Agnarr's face scrunched up at trying to remember when he saw anyone riding a bicycle in the town. Iduna clung onto him faithfully though, and at each request she would gladly show off the ring and smile warmly at them, pressing a kiss to Agnarr here and there.
Yes, that definitely makes this worth it he thought to himself, smiling warmly at each memory of her tender lips.
The next stop was the butchers, one that Agnarr was actually looking forward too. The shop owner made the best pies in all of Arendelle and always had a specialty prepared for Agnarr whenever he visited. He let go of his tense shoulders slightly and breathed in the salty sea air of the docks, slightly tugging on Iduna's hand who returned the expression as a sign of solidarity. He closed his eyes and focused, bringing himself about to face the last engagement of the day before their cherished games night which would often last into the early hours of the morning, mugs of hot chocolate scattered about the library like petals on a windy day. He looked down at iduna and sighed lovingly at her, her blue eyes looking back with a loving warmth that made his chest feel tingly, the sensation as vivid and as powerful as the first day they met. Together they stepped through the doorway into the butcher's.
And Agnarr went pale.
The smell of the fresh meat brought him to the shelling and the dugouts; the open wounds producing an identical smell. His face blanched and a cold sweat broke out on his brow, unbeknownst to him he started trembling violently.
"Agnarr what's the matter?" he heard iduna shout-whisper to him.
Conceal don't feel, conceal don't feel.
He forced the mantra to repeat in his head like some mad prayer to a godless earth. Each deep breath he took to try and stop his racing pulse instead filled his senses with the stench of the freshly cut meat, exasperating his panic even more so that each breath added a level of pain and anxiety until he boiled over.
Conceal don't feel
The prayer wasn't working
"Your majesty are you okay?" the butcher asked behind his closed eyes.
Don't let it show
Agnarr tried his hardest to speak, but his mouth just opened and closed in absolute silence.
"I don't think he's too well." Iduna saved him "he was feeling a bit fluey last night and it's been a long day"
"I understand entirely your majesty, after all, the castle picks up pies from us every week so its nothing new for him. I hope he gets well, and here are some sausages to ease his recovery" the old baker smiled warmly at the worried Iduna and the blanched agnarr, who's trembling now overcame him entirely and caused his teeth to chatter violently. Iduna curtsied politely and thanked the butcher, taking the sausages and wheeling a very poorly Agnarr out of the shop, the sweat on his brow now visible in the afternoon sun.
"What happened?" Iduna asked, stopping them when they were in an alley.
"The smell" he whispered, placing an unsteady arm against the wall to stabilise himself. Iduna nodded in silent knowledge. He breathed deeply now, the offending aroma gone, as he repeated his mantra.
Conceal it don't feel it.
Don't let it show.
And with that, the last of the panic ebbed away into a melancholy numbness that was better and worse than any injury on the battlefield.
"I'm better now, let's go home"
XXX#
This chapter was more about to showcase the effects of PTSD on Agnarr and how disruptive it is to his lifestyle. Please R&R and comment as it does mean a lot to me. Thanks for reading!