Free Time Events: Sayuri Sasaki (Side C)
EVENT 1: Despite being a romance manga author, Sayuri-san doesn't know what it's like to fall in love.
I asked Sayuri-san about her manga. Since Breakneck Canyon featured a gay couple and sex scenes, it was prominently featured on the list of books that were banned from the Saint Mary's High school library. There was even a notice saying something to the effect of "No, we will never have Breakneck Canyon in the library, so stop asking." Because of that, Sayuri-san wasn't surprised or disappointed that I'd never read it, and thus was patient when it came to answering my questions.
"I'm curious, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Not at all, Sayuri-san," I said. "Since I went to an all-girls' school and I'm heterosexual, I haven't met any boys that I'm interested in."
When I considered who was left among the boys in our class, I didn't have a lot of choice. Kurogane-san was gay, Kirishima-san didn't seem capable of love, I couldn't stand Asakura, Karita-san was untrustworthy and I hadn't spent much time with Kumakura-san. Higurashi-san was the only boy I was at all close with, but I think both of us valued our professional relationship too much to fall in love.
"Oh," Sayuri-san said. "I thought you might have had a crush on Akira-chan."
"I didn't," I said. "She was a friend, and probably the first real friend I've ever had, but there wasn't anything 'special' between us."
"I see," Sayuri-san said. "I guess it's only natural that I misjudged your relationship. I'm sorry."
Sayuri-san bowed in apology.
"It's fine," I said. "But in any case, I guess you haven't fallen in love, either?"
"You could say that," Sayuri-san said, "although I have had people I was interested in. One was the president of my former school's s student council, a beautiful, intelligent and athletic girl two years my senior. I wasn't the only one to feel that way, of course, but I knew I never had a chance."
"Why not?" I said.
"A few reasons," Sayuri-san said. "She and I never spoke, since the only times I saw her were when she addressed the school body. She was also preparing to take entrance exams, she didn't have time for me... or anyone, really. Even if she did, she was probably heterosexual, and even if she was into girls, I had a lot of competition. It didn't cost anything to fantasize about her, but I knew that I didn't have a chance."
I was reminded of how my mom once took me to look at some dolls in a fancy toy store when I was little. It was fun to take a look at them, even if I knew they were far too expensive for a teacher and a single mother. From what I'd just heard, Sayuri-san was mature enough to recognize that she couldn't always get what she wanted in life, and live with that.
"I've always been fascinated by romances between the senpai and kohai," Sasaki said, "even if I don't think it would really would work out. The relationship between a respectable senpai and an awe-struck kohai would only work as long as the latter pines after and pursues the former. When the latter catches the former, the relationship should become an equal one."
"That's certainly true," I said, "but why do you say that?"
"My dad was my mom's senpai in high school," Sayuri-san said. "Once they started going out, she stopped calling him 'Sasaki-senpai' and started calling him 'Shinji-san.' Of course, even before then, Mom didn't put him on a pedestal like everyone else did. In fact, she wasn't sure she liked him."
I'd heard this story a million times before. A man and a woman start out hating each other, but by the end of the movie, they fall in love. When done well, it was a heartwarming way of showing how people could overcome their differences, but when done poorly, it came off as nothing more than a cliché.
"Is that so?" I said. "But how did your parents get together, then?"
"That's a good question," Sayuri-san said, "not to mention one that I often ask myself in hindsight. You see, Mom became friends with my dad's younger sister, Sanae-san, and got to know him better. When she did finally meet him, Mom realized that Dad didn't mind that she didn't have the greatest first impression of him... not when he felt the same way. They ended up fighting after that, but quickly became friends, and started going out by the end of the year."
My feelings of disbelief were probably written all over my face, since Sayuri-san chuckled mirthlessly.
"I can tell you're still not sold on my parents being a happy couple, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said.
"Th-That's not it," I said. "Part of it's related to how I find it hard to say things that might offend people. That's not to say it doesn't happen anyway; it's just that I wouldn't say what your mother did."
"I understand," Sayuri-san said, "but in any case, you weren't wrong to feel that way. If they'd known back then how things would turn out then... well, forget it."
Sayuri-san quickly changed the subject. I wanted to ask her what she meant, but it wasn't fair to ask her about a sensitive topic regarding her parents when I hadn't told her about mine. In any case, her family was probably not the happiest in the world, and I hoped she'd confide in me about them.
EVENT 2: Sayuri-san's art is amazing, but she's not nearly as confident about her writing. That being said, she persists and tries to improve her skills, since she has a story to tell.
Sayuri-san and I talked about her manga for a little while. The committee evaluating her as an Ultimate candidate didn't have time to read and evaluate the entire thing, so the judges evaluated the initial one-shot submission, the first chapter, and a few of the chapters that had just come out before making their decision.
"That's amazing, Sayuri-san," I said. "You really seem like you're good at writing romance."
"You really think so?" Sayuri-san said. "I'm... not so sure."
I wasn't sure whether Sayuri-san was being modest or she really believed that.
"As surprising as it may be, I don't think I know all that much about love," Sayuri-san said. "After all, I'm known as the Ultimate Manga Artist, not the Ultimate Romance Writer. When I was evaluated by Talent High School, the administration seemed more impressed with my art than the story. It's a bit like how Tatsuki-chan was given an Ultimate title for her guitar skills, rather than her singing."
"Is that a bad thing?" I said.
Sayuri-san didn't answer immediately. As disheartened as she'd sounded, she had to concede that it wasn't all bad.
"I have mixed feelings about it," Sayuri-san said. "On the one hand, I'm glad that my artistic skills were recognized as the best in my field. I've always been fond of manga, since there are certain things you can portray through pictures that you can't in text. That, and my talent in drawing, were why I chose to become a manga artist rather than a novelist."
"Good for you," I said, "but what's the bad part?"
"On the other hand," Sayuri-san said, "I wish my writing had been given similar recognition. The importance of good art in a manga can't be understated, but in the end, the art is simply a means of telling the story. Even if you excel with the visual aspects of the story, such as character design, scenery and panel layout, you also need good dialogue, character development and storytelling."
I could see what Sayuri-san was getting at, but knew that there were a lot of people who couldn't do either. I could barely draw a picture of a man and a woman kissing, let alone do so with the various pens and other tools manga artists needed to produce their work. The one time I'd written a romance story for a creative writing class, I barely got a passing grade.
"That's disappointing," I said, "but at the same time, shouldn't you be glad to be the best in at least one aspect of your work?"
"Fair enough," Sayuri-san said. "That said, success in a field as competitive as manga means not settling for anything less than your best. As such, for the sake of my pride as a manga artist, and in order to continue to publish manga, I'll have to constantly improve myself."
"Keep at it," I said, "but have you ever considered partnering up with a more experienced writer?"
Sayuri-san shook her head.
"No," Sayuri-san said. "It's not a bad idea in theory, but I don't know anyone who not only can do the job, but would be easy to work with. Besides, even if I did, there are stories that I want to tell myself."
I smiled encouragingly, but wondered if personal experience had shown Sayuri-san that it could often be difficult for people to forge a lasting partnership. Too many marriages ended up falling apart or becoming loveless, so perhaps Sayuri-san knew that from personal experience.
EVENT 3: Sayuri-san finds it difficult to write a heartwarming but still believable love story.
Sayuri-san and I talked about some modern romances, and discussed the various clichés that were in them. If nothing else, Sayuri-san was quite familiar with the tropes of the genre.
"You know, Sayuri-san, I meant what I said last time," I said. "I think you have the skills to make an original and interesting love story, and most critics that I remember seem to think you did a good job with the story. If the judges praise your artwork, it's just because it's that good."
"I'm glad you think so, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said. "I suppose that my perfectionism is only part of the reason why I'm dissatisfied with the romance side. The other part is that even if I can make a good romance story, I don't know if it does justice to the real thing."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"As you can imagine, fictional love stories aren't always realistic," Sayuri-san said, "like how a knight rescues a princess and they live happily ever after. But would the princess really fall in love with someone who'd just met, even if she owes him her life? What would a marriage between a knight and a princess mean for them in the future?"
I wished I'd watched Summer's End while I'd had the chance. While I'd normally watch anything that Akira-san appeared in, the series was a bit dark and brutal for my tastes, especially the controversial rape scene early on. If I'd become familiar with it, I might have learned a bit about the rules for marriage in a medieval society.
"It's hard for me to say," I said. "Maybe the knight would become a prince by marrying into the royal family, or maybe the princess would be disowned- or worse- for marrying below her station."
"That's a good guess," Sayuri-san said, "but in many romance stories, I can't help but be afraid that disaster is in store for the couple after the story ends and the credits roll. After all, even if the conflict is resolved, anything can happen in the future."
I knew all too well what Sayuri-san meant. Mom and Dad had enjoyed years of happiness together, but thanks to a reckless driver, Dad had been deprived of his life, as well as the joys of fatherhood. Of course, even if my parents had gotten married, would their marriage have been a happy one?
"You're right about that," I said. "Maybe you could write a sequel to your manga in which the two leads are married?"
"I've thought about it," Sayuri-san said, "but there isn't much demand for that kind of story. Besides, most writing involves conflict of some kind, so I'd have to avoid adding contrived drama without making the whole thing boring, either. Considering the difficulties involved with this, I'd rather move on and start a new series, leaving what happens next to my readers' imaginations"
I was starting to understand some of the challenges of writing romance, ones that even the Ultimate Manga Artist struggled with. That said, while it made sense for Sayuri-san to think carefully about all aspects of her works, she seemed unusually conscious about the staying power of her couples' relationships, and I suspected there was a personal reason behind it.
EVENT 4: Sayuri-san's parents are the main reason why she lacks confidence in her ability to write a realistic loving relationship. Despite that, she does believe that with the right qualities, people can make romantic relationships work.
We talked for a bit about some more romance tropes, ones that would seemingly preclude healthy relationships, such as two lovers who couldn't seem to stop arguing, even for a minute.
"I've been thinking, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said, "and I decided to tell you why I'm so worried about my romances being true to life. It's a story that I've only told Miharu-chan."
I immediately knew the significance of the latter remark, since I wasn't the only one who'd lost a friend on the last island. Sayuri-san hadn't just lost Akira-san, but also Mihama-san, who'd been her cabin mate and confidant. If Sayuri-san trusted me enough to tell me this story, the least I could do was listen.
"I'm listening," I said. "Please, begin whenever you're ready."
"When my parents first got together, they were very much in love," Sayuri-san said. "Sure, they argued a lot, but they seemed like they enjoyed that, and it didn't take away from how much they loved each other."
As heartwarming as Sayuri-san's story sounded, I remembered that it was one of the romantic couple archetypes she'd always complained about. The fact that her story was told in the past tense wasn't lost on me, either.
"That... didn't last," Sayuri-san said. "When Mom got pregnant with me and got married to Dad- in that order- my parents realized that keeping a marriage together is hard work. The arguments got worse, not to mention more frequent, as they struggled with the stress of being married and raising a young daughter. By the time I was in fourth grade, they ended up divorcing."
"I'm sorry..." I said. "I don't know what to say about this, since my situation is different, but..."
"It's fine, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said. "I appreciate the thought."
While Sayuri-san's father was probably still alive, unlike mine, she and I knew what it was like to have our once loving families ripped apart. She might very well have suffered from the social stigma attached to divorce, but if she did, she didn't show it.
"I talked with Sanae-san about this," Sayuri-san said, "and she said that Mom and Dad do fondly remember their time together, even if they're too bitter to love the other anymore. But it does make me wonder if love is idealized. Obviously, you should be able to love your significant other, but it's not the only thing that keeps a marriage together. Both people need to be willing to make compromises, sacrifices and allowances for the other's differences in order to be a stable couple."
"I think so, too," I said, "but if you found someone who could do that, wouldn't it only be natural for you to fall in love with that person?"
"Of course," Sayuri-san said. "People fall in love for the wrong reasons, and the concept of a 'soulmate' is mostly a myth, but if you meet someone who does have the qualities to be a good partner, I'm sure you'll know."
I smiled. Sayuri-san was a bit self-deprecating when it came to romance writing- not that I had room to talk- but one thing was clear. She had a clear idea of what she wanted to express and how to do so, an absolutely vital roadmap to her success. All that she had left was to travel the roads outlined in that map, and her abilities would see her to her final destination.
EVENT 5: Sayuri-san still believes in the power of love and in happy endings, and hopes to express that in her manga.
Sayuri-san and I met in her cabin.
"You know, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said, "I just remembered part of the reason why I got into romance manga in the first place."
"Why's that?" I said.
"After my parents divorced, I wondered if true love didn't actually exist," Sayuri-san said, "and feared that the perfect 'happily ever after' endings in so many love stories were too good to be true. Despite that, I wanted to write a love story with a happy ending that could feasibly happen in real life."
I smiled approvingly. Perhaps Sayuri-san's lack of faith in her writing was less because of the title she'd gotten, and more because she had no way of knowing whether she'd accomplished it.
"That's a good goal," I said.
"I'm glad you think so," Sayuri-san said, "but it's also one that isn't easy to accomplish, because there's no clearly defined set of criteria for it. If I want to set a record for the best-selling romance manga, all I need to do is write well enough to sell manga volumes, and the sales figures will show whether I achieve the goal. If I want to write the story that I've always wanted to, the only way I can make progress is to continually improve my writing."
"Good luck with that," I said. "I'll be rooting for you, both in manga and in romance."
"Thank you, Chiyuri-chan," Sayuri-san said. "I'm glad to have a friend like you."
We shook hands. A part of me wondered why it had taken me so long to open to someone as kind-hearted and gregarious as Sayuri-san, but I was glad I'd done so before it was too late. I hoped that someday, she'd be able to write an excellent happy ending for her manga, as well as earn one for herself in real life.
Author's Notes
This was one of the first Free Time Event chains I thought of for Chiyuri, although it took me a bit longer to flesh out all the details.
I'd originally planned to make more of a deal out of the fact that Sayuri was born from an unplanned pregnancy, but wasn't sure how to work it in to the series of Free Time Events.