I went back to the house, but only long enough to grab my saber and the clothes I'd worn here. I shoved them both into my pack, and slung it over my shoulder.
He'd known. The entire time we'd been here, he'd known. And, he'd had breakfast and trained, and laughed, and carried on as if it were nothing.
I just couldn't stay here, knowing that he'd come back, come home to me, as if I were already his.
I passed his open bedroom door, his scent hitting my nose, and paused, looking in at the bed we'd shared. The Bond whined, tugging me back, toward Ben.
I was too angry to care.
I moved to the door and threw it open, not at all surprised when I found Ciir'sae standing on the front step.
She looked at my face, and then to the pack on my shoulder and frowned.
"Did he send you?" I asked, flatly.
"No." She replied. "I received an alert that there had been an… altercation, and went to see him. He wont tell me what's going on."
"Well," I said, bitterly. "That makes two of us."
I stepped around her.
"Rey." She called, but I was already several strides toward the Port. "I'm sure he has his reasons for not telling you."
I stopped, heat rising to my cheeks, and looked over my shoulder at her. "You knew?"
She folded her hands in front of her. "If this is about your Mated Bond, yes."
He'd told his cousin, but hadn't told me. And, I didn't know it was possible, but that fact made me angrier.
I scoffed, shaking my head, and took another step forward.
"Rey, please." She begged. "At least hear him out."
I turned to face her. "Forgive me, Ciir'sae." I sighed. "But, I thought it was made clear that I don't need permission if i want to leave."
Her nostrils flared, and she set her jaw as she watched me turn back around.
She made no further attempts to stop me.
I landed on Kashyyyk a few hours later, and spotted Chewie under the Falcon, an open tool box next to him.
He walked out, and stood to his full height, watching me as I approached.
He studied my face, my eyes, and then he nodded toward the loading bay of the Falcon. A silent acknowledgment that he knew id tell him about what happened when I was ready.
Now, I needed space and solitude. And he was giving me both.
I went to my room and closed the door, looking around at the familiar space.
My parachute was still in a wadded heap on the floor, my bunk was unmade, and laying next to my dirty flight suit, was a pair of black leather gloves.
I stalked over and snatched them up, burying them in the dirty clothes bin so that I wouldn't have to see them.
He'd found out about the Bond when we'd learned how to shield. I remembered being called to him that day and that he looked like he was about to vomit. He had quickly built a barrier around his mind and refused to tell me what was wrong.
But, his feelings had tumbled right into me, and I remembered that he'd been scared. Not for himself, but for someone else.
If you accepted the Bond, it would damn you to a life of running from every assassin who would kill you just to get to me. He'd said. Then, his eyes had watered. You and any children you'd give me.
Because he was Supreme Leader. And if I accepted the Bond, it'll effectively announce to the entire galaxy exactly how to bring him to his knees.
And, if we had children, if he gave me the family that I so desperately craved, it would mean a life of wondering which assassin would succeed.
And, he hadn't told me, because he knew that wasn't a life I wanted.
My chest ached.
Because he was right.
I didn't want that. But, I did want him.
I'd driven myself crazy these past few months with exactly how badly I'd wanted him.
Mate.
He was my Force chosen mate. Not lover. Not husband. More than that. He was my soul bonded partner. And, the bond that was between us was so deep and so permanent it was recognized by users and non-users alike.
A soft knock broke the silence and I quickly wiped the moisture from my eyes before inviting them in.
It was Chewie, with a crock of hot soup and fresh bread. "Thought you'd be hungry." He muttered softly.
My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I'd been too focused on getting to him, on saving him, the need to protect him so deep that it surpassed everything else. But, I didn't have much of an appetite.
I shook my head, and he sat it on a nearby table. "Do you want to talk?" He offered.
I shook my head again.
He nodded, and headed toward my door. "When you do, you know where to find me."
And, then I was alone again.
I went to the cramped adjoining refresher, and turned the water on, setting the temperature too high and hissing as I stepped into the stream.
My anger had faded but in its wake was something worse.
I'd grown used to being hurt, but, in these past few months, Ben had healed that part of me.
And, now, he'd broken my heart so completely, it felt as if my chest was caving in on itself.
My dams broke, and I cried, the shower drowning out the sound of my sobbing.
I didn't get out until the water was frigid, and I shivered as I pulled on a pair of flannel sleep pants, and an old threadbare long-sleeved shirt.
I went to the food Chewie had left and ate my dinner in silence.
I was about to crawl into my bunk when my spine prickled, and I felt him step through the Bond.
He was so panicked, it made my own pulse race. "Where are you?" He demanded.
I didn't look up. I couldn't see him, see the worry in his eyes or I'd fall apart again.
He came to stand in front of me, and gently cupped my cheek with a trembling hand, gripping my forearm with the other. "I came back to the house and you're just gone."
"I need time... to sort this out." I told him. "Away from you." I felt a stab of pain through the Bond as he released me.
I stepped away, and put my back to him, covering my mouth with my hands to keep another sob from escaping.
"Rey," He breathed, and it felt as if his chest was caving in, too.
And then he was gone.