Her legs were barely able to carry her to the sofa where she slumped down. Exhaling shakily, she whispered to herself, "Get a grip, Hales." She lowered her hood, untied her hair and ran her hands through the dark mass when she heard a click.
Elite soldier and technician, of course he'd be able to break into her apartment. And of course he'd think it'd be alright to do so.
Arrogant, arrogant man!
Unable to face him again, she braced her elbows on her thighs and held her head in her hands, her eyes closed. A faint whisper of sound was the only indication he was there, besides the smell of his aftershave that wrapped around her like the safest, warmest of embraces.
No!
Big hands locked around her wrists and Hailey's head snapped up. James sat on one knee in front of the sofa and looked straight at her. She almost whimpered at the physical contact, need and pain intertwining so extremely, it felt as if her heart would burst apart.
"I had visions," James said, his face blank and his gaze hard as he kept holding onto her wrists. Hailey turned her head away and stared out of the window. She would not be coaxed and seduced into acceptance, and James was intelligent enough use the physical attraction between them as his ace in the hole to get what he wanted from her. She refused to be used like that, even if he still made her heart flutter and skin flush.
"At first I thought someone wanted to eliminate me and gain access to the Squad. The reason why I left was because I believe you will be used to coerce me." His thumb caressed her pulse.
Hailey closed her eyes and listened to him, even though she was hurting and furious. This was what she'd wanted to know, what she needed to stop her reeling mind. Maybe then, she could finally have some peace.
James continued. "The only option I saw was to distance myself from you to keep you out of harm's way."
"You had the vision when we were at the bar, didn't you?" her voice was hollow. When he inclined his head, Hailey's eyes flashed to his.
The lack of trust he put in her, the way he kept her in the dark about this, it felt like betrayal of their promise to be honest with each other. She knew it was irrational, but he left.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice sounded hoarse now, raw and twisted and jagged, like the scars across her heart.
"I had no choice."
Hailey pulled her wrists out of his hold and stood up. "Bullshit."
James lifted from the ground, towering over her. "You would have argued against it, and then I wouldn't have known if it could have worked." His tone was steel. "I had to try it to keep you out of danger." He thrust a hand through his hair. "I had to try."
Hailey tipped up her head and pushed at his chest. She only now realized no answer would be good enough. His answers didn't give her peace at all. Nothing he had to say could justify his departure. Knowing why didn't stop the anger.
It only made it worse.
"No, you didn't!" she shouted, the all-consuming pain and rage inside her pouring out. "You should have told me! You never should have left!" Tears ran over her cheeks in hot streams as she pushed at him again. "You led me to believe you were leaving because of our physical issues!" Another push. "That being with me was a problem you didn't want to fix!" The pushing turned into pounding, her fists coming down on his pectorals. "That you didn't want me anymore!"
Grabbing her wrists again, James pulled her close. "Hailey, stop." He tugged her closer when she tried to pull away. "Stop fighting me."
Sobbing, Hailey rested her head against his chest, her hands clenching in his shirt as she inhaled his scent. James released her wrists and enclosed her in his arms. "It was never like that," he murmured against her ear. "I'll always want you."
The warmth of the embrace combined with his soft words made her cry even harder. She'd needed him so badly these past couple of weeks and he hadn't been there for her. She couldn't count the number of times she'd wished he'd been there to hold her like this, to comfort her.
"You were tortured." His deep voice made his chest vibrate.
Hailey shook her head. "No." She didn't want to hear his stupid excuses.
Leaning back and cupping her chin, James forced her to meet his gaze, his voice raw, stripped of its usual arrogance. "I saw it, Hailey. I saw your death." He looked away for a moment before returning his gaze to her, his jaw tight. "I had to try," he quietly repeated.
Hailey wiped away her tears while she tried to process everything he was saying. "What changed?"
Azure blue clouded over with shadows. "After I left, the vision altered. At first I thought you were safe. A foreshadowing the day after I left indicated my plan had worked."
Hailey frowned when she noticed his stark stance. "But it didn't, did it?" Her mind was still spinning. The numbing feeling of the past weeks was replaced by an overload of sensations at the sight, smell and feel of James. It was as if she'd lived in a bad dream and he'd woken her somehow.
Still… it hadn't been a dream.
It was so tempting to stay in his embrace, so tempting to melt into the safety of his big, warm body and forget everything that had happened. But even though Hailey logically understood why James had left, why he'd made the choice to protect her, she couldn't mend her shredded heart so easily. She wished she could erase the hurt, the anger, the insecurity… but she couldn't.
Pushing herself out of his hold–the closeness of him confusing to her senses–she paced through the living area. After several minutes, an alarm bell went off in her head, breaking through the chaotic mess of emotions. She froze and snapped up her head. "They came for me tonight."
James inclined his head while he gauged her response.
Hailey ran her hands through her hair. "Jesus." She inhaled a shaky breath. "Jesus," she repeated. "If I hadn't used my Tk?"
James' jaw was stone, his golden skin pulled tightly over the bones and tendons. "They would have caught you. I wasn't there in time."
Rubbing her face with her hands, Hailey pushed back her hair and looked at James again. "And who are these ominous 'they'?" she asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "In my visions, multiple people are responsible for your death." His arms were crossed in front of his chest, his muscles bunched under the leather-synth jacket he was wearing.
A part of her wanted to embrace him, to comfort him, to borrow his strength. But another part coiled back at the mere thought of touching him again.
It had hurt too much.
She continued pacing back and forth, then came to a halt again. "Why?" A ping in her head. "My draining abilities," she whispered.
Inhaling deeply, she battled the anxiety that tried to take her over. At first her abilities had ruined her life, and just when she thought she was picking up the pieces, things were taking a turn for the worst. She hated this destructive power, wished she could somehow get rid of it. At least then her life would be normal again, instead of such a chaotic mess.
But you wouldn't have met him either.
Though, right now, Hailey couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
"That's the only reason I can think of," the object of her thoughts said quietly. Hailey shuddered, the skin of her nape prickling. Even though James wasn't holding her anymore, his mere presence was distracting her.
She leaned against the narrow wall between the big windows of her living room. "I need some time to let this sink in," she muttered. She tipped up her head and met James' gaze. "Alone."
James closed the distance between them, his hands fisted and his movements uncharacteristically stiff. "I'm not leaving you again." The tone of his voice made her arm hairs rise.
Stubborn irritation sparked in Hailey's response. "I was fine before you showed up. I don't need a bodyguard." No, she wouldn't be able to deal with him so close–she was already on the verge of throwing herself at him. Even though he hurt her and made choices she would've never made, she wasn't able to just be angry with him and leave it at that. Already she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, the compulsion towards him unmistakable, just as it had always been. A voice in her mind whispered that his stark features were hers to soften, that his rigid body was hers to ease.
She brutally smothered the whisper when James didn't respond to her previous statement. "What?"
"You weren't alone then either."
Dumbstruck, Hailey stared at him. "What?" She covered her face with her hands as embarrassment took over, a deep blush creeping up on her cheeks. "You had me shadowed?"
Hailey groaned internally. Because if the Arrows had kept an eye on her, it meant they'd undoubtedly noticed her grim mood. Instead of sulking in privacy, now the entire Squad probably knew how deep she'd sunk after James had left. And since she found out during her stay at the valley that the Arrows gossiped more than elderly at a nursing home, James probably knew about it as well.
Wonderful. Just great.
James' tone was inexorable. "Of course."
Damn it!
"Did you really think I'd leave without keeping you safe?"
There it is, that fucking arrogant tone again!
Hailey threw her hands in the air. "Jesus, James! I don't know what to think anymore!" she exclaimed. "Three weeks ago, we were talking, just talking. And when I turned around, you were gone! You vanished!" She stepped close enough to stand toe-to-toe with him. "Now you've decided to come back and you expect me to do what, exactly? Smile meekly and kiss you in welcome?" She bared her teeth at him. "Do you think I'm that desperate?"
Her body quivered with anger as her Tk lashed out and caused the furniture in the apartment to shudder. "You reject me, then you want me. You call me yours, then you tell me that being with me is a problem. You leave me, just to walk back into my life when you feel like it!" Hailey was aware she was shouting, but she couldn't help herself. Hurt, anger, confusion, need, betrayal, love… the emotions collided and poured out. "You keep vacillating, make a goddamn decision and stick with it!"
She wrapped her arms around her shaking body and saw the haunting shadows deepen in James' eyes. The furniture stopped shuddering as her heart beat painfully, the feeling heavy in her chest.
"Did you ever stop to think about how worried I was? How much I needed you to be here for me?" Vulnerability in her quiet voice. "How bad you hu–" she cut off her words before she'd start to cry all over again.
"Tell me," James demanded.
The thing was… he didn't have the right to demand anything from her.
Shaking her head, Hailey slipped past him, needing distance. "It doesn't matter," she said softly. "Not anymore." She paced towards the hallway and kicked out her running shoes. Sighing, she stared at the floor.
Christ, she really couldn't deal with this, with him.
Her head felt like a block of plascrete and body was tired. Even though she probably needed to eat something after using her powers so explosively, she doubted she'd be able to swallow a single bite of food past the lump that had taken permanent residence in her throat directly after James' return.
Hailey turned towards James, who was looking out of the window. "I need to sleep," she said. James' posture was straight as his eyes were focused on something outside, but to Hailey, it felt off. He was tense, on edge. She could tell by the way his skin was pulled taut over his cheekbones, by the stiffness in his shoulders. "You can sleep on the couch."
After fetching him a pillow and a blanket, Hailey showered and brushed her teeth. When she was finished, she didn't stop to look at her reflection.
No need to make yourself feel worse than you already do.
She walked to the door that connected her bedroom to the living area. James was still standing in front of the window, his posture a familiar sight, his head held high, eyes watchful, hands clasped behind his back and his booted feet slightly spread. Hailey's aching heart jerked inside her chest.
James turned his head towards her.
Before she could second guess herself and turn into that desperate woman she resented, Hailey whispered good night and closed the door between them.