I slipped on my nightgown and sat on the bed while waiting for Haymitch to finish in the bathroom. I can't go to sleep without him. Last night, I didn't sleep at all because I was scared that there's no one to wake me when I get nightmares.
"I always love that on you", Haymitch said when he got out of the bathroom.
He's always conscious about the scar on his chest but not in front of me. I am glad. It means that he trusts me that he's comfortable to shot it in front of me.
"…and I love it when you're fresh from the shower", I teased and he laughed.
He climbed towards the bed and ran his fingers on my nightgown to feel the fabric, or so I'd like to think. He smells nice, addictive. He no longer smells like alcohol and I'm still addicted to him. I suddenly realized how close he is to me and I felt his warm breath on my skin and I flinched.
"I'm sorry", he apologized and backed away.
"No…don't go", I stopped him.
I didn't flinch because I'm scared. I don't want him to go. I want him with me, always.
"Eff…I'm not rushing you to anything. I don't want you to do things just because of me", he said.
I ran my hand on his handsome face and brushed the hair away from it.
"You're not rushing me into anything. I want you…always have, always will", I replied and that's enough for him to let go.
I instantly felt his lips on mine and I responded. God…I haven't felt like this in so long. I think I almost forgot what it felt like to be with him and it's not like it's the first time. Of course, we slept together before but those times were different. Those were the times resulted from a heated argument and ended up with me pinned against the wall and despite my better judgment and the obvious fact that he's drunk, I let him. This is different. He's not drunk and we didn't fight each other. I felt his hands all over me and it felt good.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked to my ear and then licked it.
"Oh, I'm sure, darling", I answered letting out a slight moan from my throat and the man pinned me down on the bed.
I've been with a lot of man in my life, most of them I didn't like. No one and I mean no one touches me the way Haymitch does. He can be extremely aggressive, rough and gentle at the same time. It's so hard to describe. His lips left mine and I groaned in frustration. I realized his lips are traveling downwards 'til it reached my thighs. I almost screamed when I felt them graced the right area between my thighs. I bit my lip trying to remain quiet. I don't want to wake Peeta, Katniss and Johanna next door.
"Haymitch—", I muttered almost pleading to not stop.
His hand found my breast and kept on going. If he keeps this up, I won't last that long but I think that's his goal. He finally looked up at me and substituted his lips with his fingers. I gasped and grabbed his arm but he stayed there while watching me.
"Sweetheart…" I whispered and I swear I saw him smirked.
"It's alright, princess. You can let go", he whispered to my ear with his tone so low and dangerous.
"Haymitch…" I muttered trying not to give in so easy but I doubt I'll win.
"Come for me, sweetheart", he urges and that was it.
I've tried it all, booze, cigarette, pills…nothing ever gave me this kind of high. It wasn't long when I felt him inside me and it's driving me crazy. I'm still sensitive and he's already moving eagerly.
"Oh god…Haymitch…shit…" I muttered.
He chuckled.
"Manners, princess", he teased.
Right. I forgot. His hands removing my nightgown as he goes along which is a wonder to me how on Panem he's doing it. Suddenly, I felt conscious. I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
"Don't", I said and he frowned. "You won't like it. It's different than the last time you saw me that way", I explained.
He understood what I meant but he removed my hand and resumed undressing me. I averted my eyes not wanting to see his disappointment.
"You're beautiful", he suddenly said.
I turned to him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. I am covered with scars and yet here he is on top of me telling me I'm beautiful.
"Are you drunk, Haymitch?" I can't help but asked.
He laughed.
"No, princess. I am not drunk. I am very much sober and I'm glad I am so I can frame this moment in my head clearly. You're beautiful. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life", he answered.
"Stop patronizing, Haymitch. I am ugly. I am filled with scars", I disagreed.
He started moving painfully slow this time maintaining his eyes on me. His fingers trace each of my scars.
"You're not ugly. These scars are the proofs of the things you overcome in your life. They made you stronger, better. I like my woman real. You are real, Eff. I don't want a doll or a mannequin. I want you. I have always wanted you even with you colorful wigs and hideous makeup. Don't ever say you're anything less. Do you understand?" he said firmly.
"I do…" I responded breathing heavily with each thrust.
"Good. Now, try to last a little longer because I'm going to take my time with you, princess. Oh, and don't worry about the neighbors, because I'm going to make you moan all night", he said and pressed his lips to mine.