Uriel walked into his father's quarters and found his brother sitting on the couch. No one else was in sight, though it would mainly only be their father and Lucifer's human detective. Amenadiel had settled back into his own quarters, though Uriel was sure he checked on Lucifer frequently. "Where's Dad?"
Lucifer turned to his brother. "His office."
"What about Detective Decker?"
"The library. Her interest in celestial history has been peaked since coming here," Lucifer said.
Uriel walked over and sat down in a chair near his brother. "You and I haven't really talked since everything happened." It wasn't entirely true. It wasn't like they didn't talk at all. They made small talk, but they never spoke of anything deep. "Why'd you go after her Lucifer? You didn't have to take a beating for me."
"Well, I wasn't really expecting to. I thought her powers were dimmed by her human body, and they were, but not nearly as much as I thought. I didn't think she was a threat to me," Lucifer said.
"Would it have changed anything if you thought she did?" Uriel asked curiously.
"No. I was angry. She had no right to lay her hands on you. I could only see the scars she left on you, and the ones I knew she planned to leave if she got her hands on you again," Lucifer said. He had no regrets as far as his confrontation with his mother had gone, not even in what he'd learned from her. It hurt so badly to know the truth about his rebellion, but he needed to. He needed to know the truth about his father.
"Thank you, but you shouldn't have had to go through that. It was a big part of why I came to stop her. I didn't want her to hurt you like she had me," Uriel said.
Lucifer laughed bitterly. "Yes, well, unbeknownst to all of us, she'd done her damage to me long before that night. Obviously she did worse to you, but she'd already hurt me," He said. He hated his mother. He still blamed himself for what happened during his rebellion, and still wished his father would send him to Hell, like he deserved, but he blamed his mother too. She set him up to do it.
"I don't know if she did do worse to me. Physically, she may have done worse to me, but she never forced me out of my home. She never made me think Dad didn't love me. She did make me feel weak though, like I should've been able to fight her," Uriel said.
"You couldn't. You would've failed if you'd tried, and you probably just would've made it worse. I'm sorry, Uriel," Lucifer said.
"For what?" Uriel asked confused.
"It was my fault. Mum told me she never loved any of us, but she hated me. She wanted to hurt me. She wanted me dead, but she couldn't touch me," Lucifer explained.
"You think she went after me because of you?" Uriel asked.
"Yes, I know she did. She told me she did," Lucifer said.
"Lucifer, ninety-five percent of what she uttered were lies. She beat me bloody before and after you were sent to Hell, after she did hurt you. She did it to Michael too. How do you explain that?" Uriel asked.
"Another casualty, that and he'd threatened to tell Dad what she was doing to humans. She hated me more than any of you. If she'd had me to take her anger out on…"
"She got off on hurting us. I saw the glee in her eyes whenever she saw my pain. It wouldn't have made any difference if you'd been one of her punching bags. But I could've made a difference. If I'd told Dad the first time she hit me, or even one of the many times after that, I could've saved you and Michael from the same fate. You never would've fallen," Uriel said.
Just then, God came out and joined them. He'd heard a good deal of their conversation. He'd planned to stay mum to give them privacy, but he could no longer do so when they both started blaming themselves. "Boys, stop this. I'm not going to let either of you blame yourselves for this.
"But if I'd said something…" Uriel started.
God sat down on the couch next to his other son and addressed Uriel. "Okay, son, yes, it would've changed things, but you had no way of knowing what was going to happen. Plus, you were dealing with your own pain. It was not your job to look out for anyone else."
"Yes, it was. I was their brother. Siblings are supposed to protect each other. I should've said something," Uriel said guiltily.
"Uriel, I can't deny that I wish you'd told me, but the fact that you didn't doesn't mean you're to blame. Your mother knew what buttons to push to get you to keep quiet. She harmed you not just with her hands, but her words as well. You aren't responsible for what she did, and you must stop trying to think about what would've happened if you'd done something different. That is a very easy, but destructive road to go down because it doesn't do any good," God said. He knew all too well how destructive that road was because he'd found himself going down it at times as well. He'd wondered many times how it would be different if he'd just been paying more attention. As he told his son, it didn't do any good.
Uriel nodded that he understood, but it was still hard for him to not think about what would've happened had he not stayed silent.
God turned to his other son. "As for you, Samael, what I said to your brother is true for you as well. Your mother knew what to say in order to hurt you. She wanted you to blame yourself for what she did to your brother."
"That doesn't mean it's not true," Lucifer said as he looked down at his hands.
"Look at me," God instructed before gently taking his son by the chin and turning his head to look him in the eyes. "Tell me exactly why you feel you're responsible."
"Because she wanted to hurt me the most. She hated me because I was the closest to you. That's what she told me," Lucifer said.
"So, she hurt you because I loved you, and it stands to reason she hurt your siblings for the same reason. Perhaps she wanted to hurt you all in different degrees, but she hurt you because I love you all. Does that mean it's my fault for loving you all?" God asked.
"No. That doesn't make sense," Lucifer said.
"It makes as much sense as what you said. You believe you're responsible because your mother wanted to hurt you. It stands to reason that it's my fault because I'm the one she ultimately wanted to hurt," God reasoned.
Lucifer didn't say anything. He didn't know how to respond. He knew he didn't blame his father for his mother's actions. He had nothing to do with them.
"Listen, boys, I know things are difficult right now, but we will get through it. The first step in that is placing the blame where it belongs. You both have to stop blaming yourselves. It only gives your mother what she wanted. It allows her to hurt you more. We can't let her do that, alright?"
Uriel nodded. "I'll try, but it's hard."
"I know, son, believe me. How about you, Samael? Do you think you can try to let the guilt go?" God asked.
"I don't know," Lucifer said. He had a lot to feel guilty about, not just his belief that his mother hurt his siblings because of him. There was also what her lies caused him to do. It was why he felt he deserved to die and go back to Hell.
"That's okay. I thank you for being honest with me. We'll take it one day at a time. We'll keep talking about things until you can accept the truth. That goes for you too, Uriel. Like I said, we will get through this," he said.
Uriel and Lucifer both nodded, though Lucifer wasn't so sure of that either.