Previously, on 100 Stories:

Dick: what are you, a talk-show host?

Shut up!

Jason: where's the fun in that?

Dick: previously, the various members of the Batfamily decided to retell stories and torture each other, along with their glorified talk-show host.

I'll dump you both in a volcano.

Jason: no you won't.

You're right, I won't. But I WILL hire Damian to do it.

Dick: ...

Jason: ...

Better.

Line Break

Mari had explained the commotion upstairs to Bruce after they got the cure situated. ("I just got a call! The cannibalism has set in! Diana bit Hal, and Barry bit Diana!"-Superman.)

So the two headed upstairs and saw Dick on top of the boys, ready to attack.

Let's just say Bruce wasn't happy. In fact, he was so unhappy that the only member of the family who tried to keep the boys from killing each other (aside from himself and Alfred, of course) had succumbed to their level of bodily harm.

It was this realization that made Bruce sit down in the Story Chair. Dick and the others were smirking, and Bruce wondered if he had done the right thing-taking Dick's place telling stories.

He decided that, no, he did not do the right thing. In fact, he's probably just doomed himself to 50 years in Arkham, enjoying tea parties with the Joker, Riddler, and Bane. Wait, Bane doesn't do tea parties, does he? Nah, probably Ivy.

"What's wrong, dad?" Dick asked innocently. "Dunno know what story to tell?"

"Well, what were you about to tell?" Bruce asked him. Dick smiled really big at him.

"I said Snow Daughter and Fire Son."

Now, Bruce smiled at him, causing Dick to frown. He wasn't expecting this.

"Jokes on you… I know this story," Bruce told him, and you could see the panic on Dick's face. "And I have the perfect people in mind for it."

Mari sat down beside Dick, patting him on the head. Damian was on his other side, Tim got the other chair, and Jason decided to sit on the floor. There was more room on the couch, but for reasons unknown, he preferred the floor.

Ok, then. Once upon a time, there was an unnamed couple who lived alone in the woods. Don't get too attached to them.

"Oh," Jason said. Barely one sentence in, and already we were facing character death.

One random day, in the snow, the wife mentioned that she wanted a kid. I don't remember what the husband was doing, and I don't really want to come up with something, so I'll just skip to the part where an icicle fell in her mouth and she didn't panic, choke, and die.

Jason snickered at this. Dick started kicking his legs, feeling a little hyper. This panicked Bruce a bit, because Dick kicking his legs usually didn't end in something good… eh, he was gonna leave for work soon, anyway. He would let the boys deal with hyper Dick.

A couple months later, and the woman had a daughter. I'll just call her Barbara.

Dick groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Are you seriously doing this?" He asked Bruce.

"Yep," Bruce answered, without hesitation.

Barbara loved the snow, and she didn't feel the cold. SHE DID NOT BURST INTO SONG AT RANDOM TIMES, OR BUILD GIANT ICE CASTLES, OR MAKE SENTIENT LIFE IN THE FORM OF A SNOWMAN, UNLIKE SOME SNOW-THEMED PRINCESSES OUT THERE.

"Hey, she's the queen, not a princess," Dick corrected him.

"Hey, this isn't Disney," Damian snapped.

"Hey, get on with the story!" Tim interrupted the three-way battle.

Jason snickered and Mari sighed. She loved visiting her uncles and grandfather! There was never a dull moment with them.

But when Barbara was near fire, or out in the sun, she acted like a vampire. She couldn't stand them. Like, physically. She would literally melt if she got too close.

Another random day, the mom said that she wished they had a fire-child. Don't ask how this works, because I don't know, but an ember from their fire landed in her lap, and a couple months later they had a son.

"This is probably Farmer Bruce's magic powers shining through," Jason stated. Damian just stared at him.

"So… he has powers now?"

"I dunno-does he?" Jason asked. Both boys looked at Dick, who sighed.

"If you want him to have powers, I guess he can have powers."

The two boys cheered while Bruce gave Dick a look that said: "why… just, WHY."

Dick shrugged and gestured for Bruce to continue.

This kid is Dick.

"And immediately all respect for you goes down the drain," Dick stated, and Bruce stuck his tongue out at him. Dick did the same.

He was the exact opposite of his sister. He ran around in the sun, and if he was in the snow he would turn into a popsicle in a matter of seconds, which is highly impossible for the average human body, because the average human body would completely freeze over at -42F, which is -41.1 repeating in Celsius, and this happens within 5-10 minutes.

Everyone was staring at Bruce, mostly not understanding what he had just said. He cleared his throat, but smirked all the same. Obviously, he needed to keep training them, and it seemed that they needed it in basic science.

Which means the two couldn't stand being near each other. I mean, literally, not mentally. They loved each other in the special way that all siblings care for each other.

He waited patiently as the boys (except Dick) all glared at each other.

Remember how I said not to get attached to the parents? Yeah, they died. But thankfully, the kids were all grown up.

The Bats felt bad, but at least these kids were lucky that their parents didn't die as children. That would've hit too close to home (for most of them, anyway.)

The two wanted to leave their childhood home, but they didn't want to go alone. The only people they had was each other, but they couldn't be near each other or else they would both die.

"They should battle it out and see who the victor is," Damian suggested.

"How about they don't?" Tim also suggested.

Barbara pulled out two giant cloaks for them to wear. When they put them on, she couldn't feel Dick's heat, and he couldn't feel her cold. So, off they went.

They were on the road for a while. Whenever they stopped to eat and rest, Dick would set up a tent with a warm fire, and Barbara would sit out in the snow, because that's where she was most comfortable. When it was time to eat, they put on the cloaks and joined up outside.

Now, in the original story, this is the part where a prince comes up and marries the daughter, and lets the son live in a giant oven in the basement while she gets a personal freezer. I'm going to change it up slightly. You see, because I'm already torturing Dick, and to be a jerk to all of you listening, it's gonna be a princess who shows up and marries Dick, then follows through with the oven and the freezer. One guess as to who the princess is.

"The End," Bruce said, as everyone snickered towards Dick.

"Bruce, I'm gonna-"

"Be late for work!" Bruce exclaimed. He had timed the ending of his story perfectly, and would now be taking his leave. "Guys, make sure Dick doesn't eat anything sugary today. I think he's feeling hyper."

"I haven't had a sugar problem since I was 10!" Dick yelled, but Bruce shuddered.

"A time we refer to in the League as 'The Dark Days'."

"What's the League?" Mari asked innocently, sensing the opportunity. Everyone except Dick and Bruce panicked a bit.

"That's another thing we call W.E," Tim said quickly.

"But why not stick with W.E?" Mari asked, maybe having too much fun.

"BECAUSE WHY NOT?!?!?!!?!" They all exclaimed, except for Dick and Bruce, who got into a silent conversation.

Finally, Bruce tossed something from his pocket into the air, which Dick caught easily. Before another word could be said, Bruce was out the door with a very angry Dick Grayson chasing after him.

"So…" Jason said awkwardly. Everyone turned to him. "Who wants to help me sneak sugar into all of Dick's food?"

Two different pairs of hands shot into the air (Damian and Tim, obviously) while Mari ran upstairs to call Barbara. She had a bad feeling about this.

Line Break

Dick: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!??!?!??

Jason: why not?

Dick: do you REALLY want to know what happens when a 10-year-old me is on a sugar rush?

Jason: yes.

Dick: ...

Dick: me too. It was always a blur to me.