Caution: contains assault and foul language

Worship of the Gods

I had a dream,
I got everything I wanted
Not what you think
and if I'm being honest
it might've been a nightmare

– Billie Eilish, Everything I wanted

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Fire Within

There was a beat of time where the light-heartedness of their conversation continued. And then he realised what he had said. "I wasn't going to tell anyone," he stuttered. Ellie placed her goblet down and took a step back, staring at him fearfully. "Ellie," he said again.

She shook her head. "N-no. How do you know?"

"You're my… friend. You ask these questions and feel so much… emotion. Emotion Aesir aren't capable of feeling. I just…"

"I have to go," she said. He lurched forward and grabbed her arm, startling her. "Let go of me!"

Lounn released her as if her skin were burning coals. He looked sick. It made Ellie want to be sick. Turning on her heel, she fled the feast hall and ran down a corridor. There was a faint shouting behind her which encouraged her to begin sprinting.

Ellie came to a corner and smacked into a group novice warriors. She couldn't really say she was in the lowest band of trainees anymore. New recruits had flooded in just last week and they liked to watch Ellie's group practising. It gave her a sense of pride. Still, she did not know them and was not inclined to begin new friendships.

She whirled immediately. Several hands reached for her, stopping her still in the flickering corridor.

"Watch where ye going, petal?" one leaned close, his hand wrapped around her arm. His friend slid against her side; his bodice covered in vomit. The flowers atop his hair were drooping and mushy. "Shall we harvest my lineage?" he said against her ear.

"Ne skeifr drpr munni ne svinhqfdi," she spat, shoving them both away. Surprisingly, they stumbled back. They should've known better than to approach a better-trained warrior. (I will cleave your lying maggot mouth from your swine head).

"Bitter words," one said. "Give us a taste of the flower and we'll be on our way."

Another shape emerged behind them. "Taste my boot when I kick your teeth in," she stepped back and clenched her firsts. Lounn's figure protested in Norse, pushing through the men. It was a short exchange which reminded Ellie of snarling wolves.

"Leave me alone-" Ellie began and quick footsteps echoed behind her. She wheeled around, preparing to hit whoever it was. Loki Odinson's presence frightened all of Ellie's unwarranted company. The prince loomed beside Ellie like a beast controlling inferior creatures. The novices were flushed as they nodded and scarpered back down the corridor. Lounn hesitated, glancing between the prince and Ellie.

"Please-" he started.

"Go," Loki said.

Ellie's heart ached watching Lounn turn on his heel and disappear into the palace. He looked distraught but it was an issue she didn't want to deal with until tomorrow. "He knows," she stared after him. "He knows what I am."

The prince cast a glance back through the archway. "So, you result to fleeing," he stated. Ellie clenched her teeth but was at a loss for words. She hung her head, feeling drained. "Why did you follow me?"

"Human emotion leaks out of you." The prince uncomfortably expelled the waves of despair rolling out of her. They attempted to seep into his pores. With gritted teeth, he turned away. "Meet me at dawn by the Eastern gates," he said. "And try not to succumb to the arousal of common folk again." With not much further thought, he stalked back into the feast hall and into the arms of a heavenly Aesir guest who'd been eyeing him all night.

Ellie watched the sun rise and kiss her skin in speckles of gold. She wasn't sure how long she'd been standing outside the Eastern gates, but she had an exhausted feeling that she hadn't slept much at all. In fact, she had no recollection of returning to the barracks at all.

There was a tingling sensation in her fingertips, probably from the ale and shock of Lounn's words. Now she was calm, she was willing to explain herself. Unless he was frightened to death of her now and had already blabbered everything to Gustav and Vidar. A part of her felt that Lounn was true and good; he wouldn't say a word.

Ellie chewed her forefinger's nail. A shadow leered out of the gates, catching her attention. He was a rickety, hunched man with a crooked walking-stick. She diverted her gaze and twiddled her thumbs. The man hobbled forwards, suffering with a clear breathing issue. He coughed.

"Morning, little petal."

Ellie gave him an awkward smile.

"Blessed be, Lithasblot," he leered. "Fancy a trip into the woods?"

"I'm actually waiting for someone."

"You could come with me."

"I really can't. Sorry, I have to wait here."

The man sneered, tapping the ground with his stick. "Come with me. I am all you need."

With a snort, Ellie crossed her arms. "Mate, I have no idea who you are. I'm not going anywhere."

"Surely, I taught you to obey me, Eurelia."

"If you don't-" she began and stopped, her fist mid-clench. Her muscles relaxed and she stared at the eyes of the old man. They were crystal blue. "Loki?" The man's thin lips tilted up. It wasn't just his eyes, but his voice. Of course, this man had a different one, but the prince always pronounced her name in the same manner. It was alluring; the word would creep down her ear and wrap around her soul.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised you didn't turn up as a great beast since you love frightening me."

"On occasion," he said. "Don't tempt me."

"You're the God of Tricks, shouldn't you be tempting me?"

"Have I not by asking you to meet me at dawn?" with a wink, he started towards the forest at an alarmingly slow speed. A sly grin danced in his features as he doddered beside Ellie. The slow walk was torturous for her. Several times Loki slipped and cackled like a delusional semi-sane grandfather. By the time they reached a wooden bridge on the edge of the woodland, a pot-bellied man stood waiting for them.

"You can't get through here," he chided. "This woodland belongs to me. If you want in, you gotta pay."

Ellie reached for her coin pouch just as Loki began talking. "How much?" he asked. The farmer's face brightened.

"My usual rate: 10 gold. For a young thing like you: six gold coins," he said, crossing his arms. He tilted his head upwards, watching Ellie and Loki over his nose. Ellie's temper flared and she was about to tell him to stick the money where the sun didn't shine. Her and Loki would find another way round; he was always boasting about his secret tunnels.

"Thank you, good sir," the farmer said as Loki placed a number of gold coins into his hands. There was far more than six. "Kind sir," the farmer drawled, not bothering to hide his giddiness. "Careful in there. Lots of thieves lurking."

"I'll say," Ellie said icily, continuing past the farmer with Loki. When they were out of earshot, she looked at him in disbelief. "Why did you give him all of your money? We could've – haggled or told him to push off!

"Perhaps," Loki shrugged.

"What? Why didn't we?"

"Eurelia, there's two things you waste your breath on; talking to idiots and talking about idiots." Loki smirked knowingly and took his hand out from under his cloak. In his palm sat a bounty of glistening coins. Ellie gasped.

"You stole his purse?" she said incredulously.

"Of course I didn't. Do you believe the son of Odin is a common thief?" Loki pocketed the coins, they jingled in his leather pouch.

"Magic. You made him see coins which weren't really there." Ellie's eyes widened. She reached a hand out and grabbed his ratty tunic. "Show me," she said, "please." Loki gladly obliged, unable to stop the need to inspire awe.

His skin was wrinkled and covered in sunspots as he took the pouch out. Ellie held out a hand expectedly and Loki placed a couple of coins in her palm. They were cold and heavy, engraved with a rune. She moved her hand, testing the weightiness. "They feel real," she said, looking up at him.

There was a glint in his eye, "how can we say anything is real at all?" Ellie laughed, staring after him as he continued down the woodland path, slightly faster. The charade was clearly tedious for him.

Out of the sight of the conman, Loki transformed into his own figure. The stout man stretched into the lithe, young prince wearing a puff-sleeved tunic and matching trousers. Ellie caught up and handed the coins back to him.

His smooth fingers enclosed around the money and then he flung them forwards. Ellie gasped, a curse forming on her lips. Suddenly, the coins burst into a dozen butterflies.

"Gods!" she cried, rushing forwards and stretching a hand up. Her sleeve fell passed her elbow, exposing her rosary. It glinted in the sunlight. Ellie wrapped a hand around her wrist and held it to her chest, meeting Loki's gaze.

"Our Gods are your Gods, or don't you recall?" he said, brushing past.

It had been several days since her last prayer. Weekdays didn't exist on Asgard so Ellie lost track of Sundays. She tried to tell herself that training, festivities and magic had been too time-consuming. However, the argument fizzled in her mind because she knew the truth was, she had forgotten.

Heavenly Father, I am… I am so sorry.

Ellie squeezed her eyes tightly and took off after the son of the Allfather.

He had reached the edge of a great hill and stopped. Ellie stood beside him; her wrist held to her chest. Hundreds of miles of farmland lay before them, woven with greens, yellows and amber. Six-legged cattle, horned goats and glistening sheep lazily mowed through the field below. Their bleats were soothing. It was so peaceful and similar to the Welsh countryside that Ellie felt tempted to close her eyes and imagine she was on one of the few trips the nuns allowed them on.

A calf whined and darted towards its mother. Her lips turned up at the maternal softness found across the universe.

With warning, Loki whipped an arm out and thrust a burning ball of fire into the air. The heat burst, hurting Ellie's face. She stepped back, startled and stared at him.

"What are you doing?" she cried.

"Save them," he cast a look down at the unaware farm animals. "Or I will drop this and burn them all."

Ellie held a hand up, hurriedly levelling with the prince. Her eyes were bold and large as she looked between him and the fire. She channelled her energy, pushing it out of her heart and into her limb.

"Take ahold of it," Loki ordered. "I will let go now."

Ellie cried out and took hold of the fire. It sent a burst of agony through her, consuming every particle. Another pained noise emerged out of her mouth. Her hand was shaking and the fire was spitting mid-air.

"I can't do it. I can't, I can't do it," she repeated, her voice shaking

"Look at me," Loki ordered. Ellie lifted her eyes slowly; his form was a blur.

She was sweating through her garments as she struggled to control the fire. It was draining her strength, feeling like a string was attached to each nerve and pulling her in one thousand different directions. Loki raised a hand and stretched his fingers to mirror her.

"Breathe," he said. Ellie let out a sob. "Breathe, Eurelia. Inhale. Exhale."

She fought to follow his commands. Loki repeated himself twice; giving her time to follow. She swore she caught his fingers flex and the air suddenly feel clean. It made it easier when there was no more ash to coat her throat. The stench of smoke disappeared had also disappeared.

"Good," said Loki. "Now, close your eyes."

"But–"

"Close your eyes, Eurelia."

She did so. It became more difficult to control the flames. Gasping, she stumbled back and scrunched her face up. "I can't!"

Loki watched her carefully. He had already noted the inches of her posture; the rigidity of her body and tainted storage of energy. "You can," he pressed. "Breathe and forget the agony. Feel the creature inside of you."

Exhaling, Ellie thought of her fingertips and then her wrists. She followed an image of her body until she reached her collar and was envisioning the skin of her thorax. Loki's voice came again, telling her how it was a wave that crashed against the shore of her ribs. If she focused, she could feel the water kissing her insides. It was not there to cause pain, but to heal.

Ellie's face softened. She breathed.

Water flooded her veins, splashing around the curve of her elbow and reaching the dead-end of her fingers. It caused her shiver. She felt the burning extinguish.

The fire crumpled, curling in on itself. It crackled loudly, startling the farm animals. They scattered in different directions as the flames roared above. Ellie thrust her other hand out, channelling every inch of energy out of her fingertips.

In her mind, the red-hot flames shrunk like a crisp packet in a microwave. They finally slammed together as a ball which fell to the ground as a freezing, rock-solid chunk of ash. Opening her eyes, she found Loki watching her intensely. His gaze slid down to the ground.

A goat sniffed the ash and bleated. The world adjusted back to normality as the birds chirped and the breeze swished through the trees once more.

Ellie exhaled, taking a step back. To her delight, she felt energy coursing through her. She smiled widely, flashing teeth.

"Again?" the prince said.

Ellie and Loki parted at the outskirts of Asgard's lowertown. Him as a hobbling, old man and Ellie enthralled with excitement. The Völva's home was hidden down a maze of narrow alleys, which were heaving with rats and vermin. Ellie stepped over a toad the size of her torso and continued on her way. She reached the slanted door of the Seer.

As she raised a hand to knock, the door opened and the Völva was looking up at her. Well, he was facing her. Whether or not he could see behind the skin that covered his eyes was a question Ellie didn't want to ask.

"Lovely to see you in the flesh," he drawled, his voice like nails on a chalkboard.

"It has been a while since we saw one another, yes." Bending her head as she entered, her nose met the overpowering stench of dried flowers and rich perfume. It surrounded her and she swore the air was tainted purple from the odours. Was there a type of magic to repel pungent stenches?

"Well," the Völva laughed as he led her down an uneven hallway, the ceiling was too low for Ellie. "I have been seeing you quite often. You have been playing with fire, haven't you?" Tapping his head with a long finger, he continued to giggle.

"Right," she scoffed. "Do you watch me when I bathe too?"

The Völva reached for the rusty handle of a door. It opened with a groan and then several tinkles which sounded like hanging trinkets clanging against the wood. Another wave of smells hit her; ones of rose and lavender, a hint of coriander. As Ellie joined him in the room, he was already sat down.

The walls were covered in carpets and rugs with streams of scarves looping around and up and down. An assortment of bangles, bracelets and necklaces were pinned up. They glistened in the candlelight. Cushions littered the floor, making it difficult for Ellie to be sophisticated. She stumbled over a velvet one and ending up just sinking to the floor opposite the Völva.

She kept him at arm's reach.

"Ask me a question, Eurelia," he said distantly, tilting his head up and exposing a row of rotten teeth.

"It's not really a question. I want information," Ellie said. "I want to know about Niamh Chinn Òir."

Grinning ear-to-ear, the Völva leaned forwards and eagerly waited for Ellie to continue. She hesitated. "She was murdered, wasn't she?" Ellie watched the rotting man tilt his head as if her words delighted him. She sensed that the answers she was seeking would not give her peace. "Tell me why there is so much secrecy surrounding this woman."

"Niamh Chinn Òir, a vast subject to tell thee about," murmured the Völva. Ellie could not pull her eyes away; a need inside of her chest desired his guidance. "The only child born of Aesir and Light-Elf blood."

"So, she's Freyr's daughter, isn't she?"

The Völva held a withering hand out. Ellie ran her tongue along his palm, distinctly tasting salt and lilac. She shivered and reclined in her seat.

The seer sniffed, much like a dog would when fresh meat was being cooked. "Gods are animalistic. Yes, Freyr's daughter is the woman you ask of."

"What has she got to do with the stone?"

The Völva drooled, "that's what you were getting to, wasn't it? No one just wants to know about the rotting corpse of someone for nothing, do they?" Ellie steadily watched him. "The stone absorbs the life-force of the Ljósálfar. They were betrayed and the stone was stolen. Niamh Chinn attempted to take the stone. A fatal attempt, it was."

The pain Freyr must have felt in moving on was unimaginable. He was a strong leader and gave no mention of this woman. Heartbreak could be fatal to Elves which explained his new wife and half a dozen children.

Ellie nearly laughed, feeling ridiculous. "Is there a chance she's my mother?"

The völva cackled and his voice protruded from his mouth like a broken violin. "Take a bite and find out."

Ellie clenched her teeth, feeling her dry tongue rub against the roof of her mouth. "A bite of what… exactly?" she shook, fighting the desire to swear.

"Home isn't leaking walls, a cupboard of nails, a whipping stick or prayer," he said. Ellie exhaled shakily. "It's flesh, blood and bone."

"Take… a… bite," he snapped his jaw together with a clack. Ellie stood up quickly and backed away. The Völva continued clacking his jaw like a skeleton from a horror movie. His black teeth oozed with sludge which leaked down his chin. "I just have to say that I am so sorry."

Ellie took another step back. "Sorry for what?"

"For the loss that was and the loss that is to come."

"Loss?"

"It will happen three times," taking a dried piece of fruit from his necklace, he bit into it. The crackle and crunch stung her ears. Bits of red snapped across the room. Ellie shook her head in disgust.

She burst out of the front door, gagging on lilac.

References

Niamh Chinn Óir – meaning Niamh of the Golden Hair is an otherworldly woman from the Irish Fenian Cycle.