A few nights later, I found myself staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. Despite my best efforts, I kept replaying that evening Chloe spawned the akuma and the small snippet of conversation I had shared with Adrien. The longer I thought about it, the more convinced I was becoming that Adrien had actually started to call me Princess. He'd never done that before, nor had we hung out enough that we'd moved to the "pet names" phase of our relationship. And he didn't strike me as someone who would even use a pet name with someone, no matter how well he knew them; it would go against his breeding, his fine-tuned gentlemanly manners.
But Chat would. And Chat had repeatedly told me his alter-ego wasn't really him per se.
Tikki was hovering next to me, having seen I was awake. "What's troubling you, Marinette?" she asked sweetly.
I sighed. "I think my brain is trying to connect dots that my subconscious doesn't want connected."
Tikki settled in on the pillow next to me, her wide eyes looking thoughtful. "What dots?"
"I... think I know who Chat Noir is," I said. Hearing myself actually say the words seemed to crystalize the turmoil in my brain.
My little kwami smiled at me. "I'm not surprised," she laughed melodically. "Chat's not been very careful as of late."
I sat up. "You told me before that you didn't know who he was," I accused.
Tikki nodded. "I didn't for a long time," she said. "But found out for sure the first time we swapped holders."
I nodded, remembering that day years ago at the Trocadero; it was the last time I'd ever taken off the earrings (willingly), but the memory had me smiling. Chat had not started off well as Mister Bug but had come through in the end. We'd had to swap kwamis a few times since – enough that he was becoming a master at the Lucky Charm. But I had never grown comfortable handing Tikki off to someone else – even if it was my partner.
Then another thought hit. Blond hair... green eyes... amazing body... sure, I'd seen Chat beneath that polka-dotted mask he'd been wearing as Mister Bug, but looking back at it now...
"Tikki, it's Adrien." I looked at her for confirmation. "Adrien is Chat, isn't he?"
"You know I can't tell you anything," she said sweetly. "And besides, with Chat dating you, it's more important than ever that you keep your identities secret."
"Is it?" I said softly. "Do you think he knows who Ladybug is?"
"No," Tikki said with a broader smile. "From what Plagg has told me, he's taken his pledge to you – as Ladybug – very seriously, and intentionally ignores any clues to your identity." She put a tiny arm to my hand. "He's a smart cat, though; sooner or later, the same thing will happen and he'll see something in Ladybug's actions that will trigger a connection he can't deny any longer."
I thought about that. "Ladybug has been pretty steadfast in not wanting Chat to reveal himself, too."
"Yes," Tikki said. "And he'll always take his cues from her, Marinette." She paused, her eyes twinkling. "Always."
I threw my head back on the pillow. "What do I do, Tikki?" I asked. "I've been torn for a while about revealing ourselves to each other, but the original reason still remains. As long as Hawkmoth is out there, it would be safer..." I trailed off.
Why was it safer for us to hide our alter-egos from each other?
Other than being a longstanding rule as a condition of being a holder, it occurred to me it was far more important for us to stay hidden from Hawkmoth. For he was the one who'd be able to use the knowledge of our true identities to exert any number of pressure points upon us, from family members to friends. The same sort of diabolical choice Chat had faced a while back during the Lycée attack – the one where he'd thought Marinette was in danger.
I found myself smiling a bit, for it suddenly made more sense why Adrien had been so upset.
The fact that the two of us had been together for more than eight years now and had successfully managed to dance around each other's identities despite likely having interacted with each other as civilians spoke volumes to our ability to handle each other's secret. And if Chat and I were incapable of that level of trust... well, I didn't think it would bode well for the long-term loving relationship I'd envisioned for the two of us.
I turned back to my kwami. "Is it bad that I want to know – I want to confirm my suspicion?"
Tikki's expression grew concerned. "It's been my experience that my holders generally want to know who their partner is," she started. "You've worked with Chat now for almost a decade. That's a long time to keep yourself hidden from someone you love."
I nodded, for my thoughts were running along the same lines.
"But I advise caution," Tikki continued. "Suspecting and knowing are two different things entirely, and most importantly, should either of you get exposed publicly, you'll have to give up your Miraculous." She hugged my arm again. "I'd hate to say goodbye to you, Marinette," she said softly.
I hugged my kwami. "Same here, Tikki."
I leaned back on the pillow again, my thoughts filled with how to proceed; sleep finally came, and when I awoke, I knew in my heart I was close to unmasking my kitty. The question remained on how best to confirm my hypothesis, or if, as Tikki had suggested, I was more comfortable with just the suspicion. Sitting up in my bed, I decided I wanted to know.
For the first time since I'd met Chat, I desperately wanted to know.
It being Saturday, I expected Chat to arrive a little after mid-morning; he had an endearing tendency to appear just as my croissants were coming out of the oven. Sliding down my ladder, I considered my options. The devil in me wanted to get him to reveal himself first, allowing me to harangue him a bit before I revealed myself to him; knowing that was patently unfair added to its attraction, along with the added bonus of seeing Chat flustered. He looked so cute when he blushed. But how to do it?
Thinking as I went about getting ready for the day, I considered baking catnip into the croissants, for I'd seen how pliable he'd become when an akuma had used it against him. To his credit, not only had he helped me defeat the akuma while under the influence, he'd managed to keep from revealing himself even then. It also went without saying that drugging him would be a betrayal on multiple levels.
I was still up to my eyebrows in plots and planning when I heard the telltale rubbery thump on my roof. Smiling, I quickly went up the ladder and popped open the skylight. Chat was perched on my railing, back to the skylight; his tail was casually curled into a question mark. "Kitty?" I called out.
"Hey Purrincess," he said, his tail somehow twisting into a heart shape as he turned to look at me over his shoulder. "You were pretty quiet down there – I thought you were still sleeping."
My breath caught as I saw the love blazing from his eyes; it was so pure, so genuine, waves of guilt washed over me for even thinking up a partial plan for trying to confirm his alter-ego. All the reasons I'd used to convince myself I wanted to know – needed to know – who he really was evaporated into the early morning sunshine. For perched in front of me was truly the man I loved, mask notwithstanding.
He loved me for who I was, and I had confirmation in my own heart that I loved him exactly the same way. Knowing who was under those insanely cute feline ears and mask wouldn't change a thing about how I felt. I blinked back tears, upset that I'd even started down this pathway.
Chat picked up on my welling emotions and in a blur had pulled me out of the skylight and into a hug.
"What is it?" he asked quietly, rocking me slightly as he gently began to purr. "It's okay, whatever it is. I'm here."
I'm feeling guilty, I thought as I started to sob into his costumed shoulder. I wanted to unmask you. Desperately.
"You what?" Chat exclaimed, masked eyes flying wide as he pulled back slightly; his purring had stopped rather abruptly.
"Did I say that out loud?" I said, sobbing slightly.
"Yeah," he replied, then narrowed his masked eyes. "How desperate?"
I could feel my face flaming. "Very," I answered quietly.
"What is this all about?" he asked, running a claw through my hair.
"I... I think you tipped your hand to me a few nights ago," I said, deciding that honesty might be the best policy here. "Your alter-ego, that is."
Chat was good. Really good, for the slight change in his facial expression was so slight, it could easily have been overlooked. But I'd dated him for five years now, and knew every look in his book. "Really," he said, keeping his voice light. But his eyes showed something new.
Fear. Like he knew he'd slipped up.
Merde. "Accidentally," I added quickly, plowing onward despite my pounding heart.
"The college party?" he asked with a wry smile.
"Yes. The one where Chloe akumatized the student."
Chat arched a masked eyebrow. "It's not a secret I was there," he said carefully, "since I defeated it. With Ladybug. We'd both found out that Chloe was attending, and, shall we say, being less than sociable."
"That she was. And the two of you made short work of the akuma."
"We did," he said, but for some reason his arched masked eyebrow went higher.
Oh. Oh, right. Oh-!
"I was there earlier but left," I quickly added, trying to cover my mistake.
"Before the akuma attack, then," he said, face impassive.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Alya told me every detail afterward, of course. And you found me later on my way back to the Bakery."
He nodded. "So... let me get this straight. You think I was there earlier? As my civilian self?"
"Yes," I said.
"And I said something? Or did something that makes you think I revealed myself?"
"Yes."
Chat let me go and turned back to the railing; he put his paws against the wrought iron and looked down, his tail swishing back and forth as he took a moment to consider what I'd said. "Do you love me?" he asked.
"With all of my heart, Chat," I replied without hesitation.
He turned back to me. "I love you with every ounce of my soul, Princess," he said, his wide feline eyes locked on mine. Slowly, he walked over to me and put a paw on each shoulder. "I can't lie to you. If you ask me to tell you who I am under the mask, I'll do it. Even if it means breaking Ladybug's Golden Rule – and giving up being Chat Noir."
I looked at him, and gazed deeply into those emerald eyes of his. I was well aware of what it meant for him to be Chat, and if he was truly who I suspected him to be, I understood it even further now. The very fact he was willing to give all of it up for me was heartbreaking all by itself; the demonstration of his love, though, meant the world to me.
I swallowed. "Are you…" I started, eyes searching his.
He waited, an expectant half smile on his face.
Multiple images flashed through my brain, quiet moments with Chat, study sessions with Adrien; the two were so very different from each other, and yet they weren't. In my heart, though, I realized I loved him so much that I couldn't take Chat away from him. Even if I knew in that singular, spectacular moment I'd trust him with every last secret I had.
"…are you…"
I thought back to every single moment when Chat had appeared right when I needed him, whether it was as Marinette or as Ladybug. I knew if I considered it further, I'd connect the final dots, and knowing that made me realize I didn't need to. Tikki was right. Suspecting would do just fine.
I smiled at Chat. "Are you Luka Couffaine?" I asked, knowing full well that Luka hadn't been at the party.
Chat looked startled for a moment – clearly, based on how his feline ears stood straight up, that wasn't what he was expecting, and it was good to know I could still surprise him. Then he smiled, and looked a bit relieved. "No, Princess," he said happily. "I am most definitely not Luka. But I am flattered that you think I could be." Chat pulled me into a hug. "Besides, he's a bit taller than I am."
"I hadn't noticed," I lied as I leaned into his black-leather-cladded chest.
"And thanks for the heads up," he said, his purring starting up again. "I'll remind my alter-ego to be a bit more circumspect in the future."
"I'm sure you will," I laughed. "And I promise no more guessing. At least," I said as I looked up into his loving eyes, "for a while. Or until you do something stupid."
"Me?" he asked in mock seriousness. "Do something stupid?"
"Exactly," I smiled as I settled back into my boyfriend.
I love you, Kitty, I thought to myself. All of you. Just the way you are.