"Hello everyone." Smiling as I got up on the small stage in the coffee house.
Sitting on the stool in front of the mic with Lucy I saw so many people I knew.
Meredith, Derek, Zola, April, Lexie, Mark, and Jackson were here. Along with Ellie, Mo, and Sam since they were in the class.
George had called me an hour before I was set to go on, so upset because he had been called into a surgery with Dr. Bailey.
I told him that it was okay, and that saving lives was totally more important that my solo piece. I was a little bummed he couldn't be here, but his work was way more important.
"So little heads up but this is kind of going to be a sad song." Tuning up Lucy as I joked into the mic "But this has been on my mind. I keep thinking about love and all the what-ifs that come with past relationships."
"You know what I'm talking about." Continuing "The did I do the right thing? Should I still be with them? I'm not sure? Do I tell them? Should I tell them? What if I get hurt?" My eye flickering to Lexie and she caught my gaze before I switched my vision.
"Like how do I open that door again? What if it's over? What if they hate me? Or what if the love is gone." Briefly going to Mark "But what if it's not?" Concluding.
"Sorry getting way to philosophical for the beginning of this semester." Smirking to the crowd "I'm also just a little nervous because this is being recording for a…person in my life and I hope they like it." Blushing pink as I smiled at Derek who was holding my phone giving me thumbs up. He was recording my performance so I could send it to Liam.
"So, let's get this over with." As I began to play the intro to Taylor Swifts, All too Well, praying Lexie wouldn't kill me at the end of this. Hoping this would subliminally plant the idea in Marks head to get his shit together and wake up and just be with Lexie!
I also changed most of the pronouns in the song. Instead of using I, it would be We, because both were to blame for the past breakup. That and life got it in way, like in normally does.
Pouring everything I had into this song was for Lexie and Mark and as I sang out the line "Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe we asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til we tore it all up." I glanced up and saw Mark tilt his direction at Lexie, who was trying to keep from crying.
When I sang out "Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it, I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it. After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own," This time I did see a few tears fall onto Lexie's face which she quickly wiped away.
Then I looked to Mark as I sang "But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah 'cause there we are again, when I loved you so. Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well." Hoping he would get the freaking message.
As I finished the song with a deep, finality tone, I prayed that this love between them wasn't dead.
The song finished and I blushed to the praise and Ellie's cheering as I climbed from the stool and went over to my group of people.
Immediately I went to Derek "How was that? Did I do okay? Is it good enough to send to Liam?" Gnawing on my lip when I finished my mini panic freak.
Derek only smiled me "Charlie he is going to love it. You were fantastic."
"Truly?" My hesitancy still present.
"Yes." He stilled smiled "He'd be an idiot for not loving it." Derek handed me back my phone and I hugged him.
"Thanks." Pulling away as I turned to everyone else,
"How did you guys like it?" Trying not to make immediate eye contact with Lexie or Mark.
"You did so good!" Jackson beamed.
"Yeah that was…you're really good at getting the emotion across." April sniffed and I tried not to giggle at her actions.
"Charlie you're always great at getting the point across." Ellie wickedly smiled at me. She, Mo, and Sam knew why I picked this particular piece.
"Thank you Ellie." Smirking at her.
Finally, I turned to Mark.
"How did you like it?" Innocently asking.
He was silent for a moment before quietly telling me "It was very good."
My shoulders sank a little and I tried to not show dejection "Thank you." Trying to put on a smile.
All of us were quiet for a beat before I suggested "You guys can leave now. I have to stay because it's technically still class time till everyone performs, but you can go." Letting them all be free.
"Yeah we need to get her to bed." Meredith nodded to Zola, "You did wonderful." She beamed before she handed me Zola to giver her a hug.
"See you later baby girl." Kissing her cheek.
April and Jackson's made their goodbyes, and Mark left still leaving me puzzled as to what he thought. Ellie, Mo, and Sam gave Lexie and me some privacy.
"Please don't kill me." Gently saying to her.
"Why did you do that?" She asked finally looking at me.
"Because I couldn't actually talk to Mark about this because he would have killed me. Not after the big fight we had, and after all he did for me and George. So this was my only way of trying to get the point across to him, that hey moron, you're with the wrong girl. Give it another shot! It will work." Explaining it to her as best as I could.
"Wait. When did you guys get into a fight?" Lexie inquired.
"Uh the day of the twin separation. He came into the bar and I wasn't in the best place and I sort of let him have it." Rubbing my neck.
"I kind of yelled at him that you still loved him, and he still loved you because he kept looking to everyone for approval with his relationship with Julia." Sighing as Lexie blanched.
"It wasn't my finest moment I'll admit that!" Defending "But then he punched that creep for me, and everything was forgiven and I tolerated his relationship with Julia but, after you and Jackson broke up I could see you closing in on yourself because of Mark."
"Lexie you have to tell him."
She grew quiet "I can't."
"Why?" Softly asking.
"It's…what he doesn't feel the same way?" Her voice cracked.
"Oh Lex." Sighing as I wrapped her into a hug.
I held her for a few moments before I pulled back at her "Even if he doesn't feel the same way, trust me when I say this, you will look back on this moment for the rest of your life and always question what could have happened. Please don't be haunted by the things you didn't do."
"It takes so little to do nothing. It takes everything to be brave." Telling her before hugging her again.
Everyone in my life was coming and going. Anyone who was taking the boards was also flying all over the country for job interviews.
Well…everyone but Alex…
But we now knew to not bring that up…
Meredith came back from San Francisco and was due to head to Boston on a flight tonight.
While I was ecstatic she was getting all these interviews. A deep-seated panic dug a home into my chest whenever I thought about Derek and Meredith picking up and moving.
Or if any of them moved.
The family they had formed for me was here, in Seattle. I was not ready for any of them to leave.
Maybe it was also me being selfish? If they left…what would happen to me?
My phone rang pulling me out of my depression spiral.
Speak of the devil.
"Hey Meredith." Answering the phone.
"Hey Charlie, I um…kind of have an odd favor." She told me.
"Okay…" Trailing off.
"A patient just came into the hospital this morning via helicopter, and well we think you might be able to help her."
"What do you think I can help her with exactly?" Looking to Derek, Meredith, and Owen like they were nuts.
Currently I was standing outside of Holly Wheelers hospital room, looking at her sleeping form through the window.
I was staring at woman who had been kidnapped, held, and tortured since she was six years old. She had been taken from her mother in broad daylight and held by a man named Joseph Ingles.
Twelve years held in prison. Forced through unimaginable things. It was a special kind of hell very few people had the expertise to comment on and understand.
"I have no experience on helping child kidnapping victims." Speaking to them.
What was I supposed to do for her? How could I help her?
"Well we thought since…you've had previous experiences…" Owen started and then just sort of left off in mid-sentence.
Then it dawned on me.
"While I find it flattering that you thought to call the child abuse victim to help the other child abuse victim this situation is a bit different and outside of my depth." Deadpanning to him in complete seriousness.
It had the desired effect because Owen became flustered and I was more than content to watch him flounder for air. I was still pissed off at him for cheating on Cristina.
"That's not what we meant Charlie." Derek replied.
"Then what did you mean?" Inquiring to him in slightly nicer way.
"We thought you could help her one survivor to another." Meredith said, staring straight into my eyes.
That made me pause.
Turning back to look at Holly Wheelers bruised, but sleeping body, I knew Meredith was right. Hitting the nail on the head as usual.
I had no idea if I could even help Holly, but I knew I had to try.
A little while later Holly woke up from her rest and Meredith gently ushered me into the room.
"Hi Holly, this is my friend Charlie. We like Charlie." She smiled at me then at Holly who looked terrified.
"I thought you and Charlie could talk? Charlie is a really kind person. She only wants to help." Meredith was still smiling at Holly.
"Holly." Speaking to her.
She turned her full attention on me. Studying me. Waiting.
"My name is Charlotte, but everyone calls me Charlie," Giving her a small smile "Would it be alright with you if I sat down?" Pointing to the chair by her bed.
Holly looked to Meredith in silent communication and Meredith gave her the nod that it was okay. Using slow movements I settled myself into the chair by her bed.
"First off Holly can I say that I think you're incredibly brave. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and even if it may be a little hard for you to realize it." Softly beginning.
"When I left my bad situation I didn't see it as brave, even though everyone kept telling me it was. I barely knew what to make of it. Mostly I just felt scared. So scared every second of not knowing what would come next. I think that was the harder part. Not actually having the courage to leave, but to face whatever would come after."
She was analyzing me. Intently listening to my every word. In truth it made me a little nervous for many reasons. To even be talking about this in the first place, let alone to a stranger who just went through a horrific experience. And to top it all off Meredith was listening too.
"See Holly we have something in common, well a few things in common, but I think the main thing is that we both know what it feels like to be on the other side of an angry mans' power. How it shuts you up and keeps you quiet and submissive. Makes you tip-toe around everything, especially that person."
"It certainly was that way with me anyway." My lips tilting into a sad smile.
"I think you know what that's like Holly. How to tip-toe and be quiet. How to learn to become invisible just when you need to so you won't get hurt. Well anymore than necessary at least. Learning what makes them happy, learning what makes them angry, and making sure to stay away from what makes them angry. Especially after the first slap, or kick, or punch." Softly saying.
Holly's eyes were locked on mine. I could see tears forming in them.
"Holly, what I have to say next is very important. All of this, everything, it was not your fault. Do you understand me?" Staring at her.
Holly nodded a few times.
"Say it." Gently demanding "Say it's not my fault."
Holly was silent for a moment before speaking "It's not my fault." Her voice cracking in tears.
Slowly I placed my hand over hers. She about jumped out of her skin.
"It's okay Holly. You can trust me, trust us." Glancing back at Meredith.
"You're safe now."
"Again, it's not my fault." Saying.
"It's not my fault." She spoke.
"Again." Repeating.
"It's not my fault." Holly said a little louder.
"It's not my fault." Repeating with her.
"It's not my fault." She said louder as tears ran down her face as I felt her grab my hand.
"I want that to keep running through your head. Say it out loud as many times as you need to. Until the truth of it sticks with you." Heatedly saying to her.
"It's not my fault." More tears streamed down her face as a few slipped down my own as I squeezed her hand back.
Boy was I tired.
For almost two days I had been juggling work, school, and going to the hospital to help Holly. I felt attached now. Like she had attached herself to Meredith. I think she did the same to me in way.
She could relate to me in a way she couldn't relate to Meredith. Though Meredith saved her life, Holly and I understood each other on an emotional and psychologically level.
While Meredith wasn't in the room or around us, I told Holly everything I had been through in complete confidence in order to help gain her trust.
If her past was forced to be exposed in order to help her heal it only seemed fair that I share my story as well.
I told Holly however that Meredith didn't know the full extent of what had happened to me. Only one person was truly privy to that information besides myself, and that was George. The man I loved and trusted wholly with my life.
After the trial ended I decided to tell him all. Everything. Every last wretched detail. Every recollection that made me want to crawl in a hole. That made me want the earth to swallow me whole. The things that created and caused nightmares and living hells. That made you question everything. Real or imaginary.
He listened to it all.
Without judgement. Without hypocrisy. Without disgust.
George heard everything and still, he loved me.
I told Holly that in time it would become easier to speak her truths, and that when she wanted to, she didn't have to hold back.
Yes, it would be uncomfortable for everyone at first but if Holly didn't express what she had been through now then there was a danger she might never speak about it.
Shame works like that. It's a funny and potent thing.
So far she had been making progress and I did feel like I was contributing to her care in a way, but man was I exhausted.
I sat in the kitchen nursing my morning cup of coffee. George let me sleep in because I didn't have a morning class today. My cheeks pinked.
Me spending the night in his room was becoming part of our routine.
Everyone was trying to get over the awkwardness they felt. Though it was a little funny to replay the face Derek made the first time he caught me coming out of George's room.
It still brought a smirk to my lips.
Then my thoughts drifted back to Holly.
The one good thing to come out of this was that Meredith had to keep rescheduling her interview in Boston.
The thought brought a smile to my face and I knew I was going to hell for it.
Oh well.
There was peacefulness as I sat in the kitchen finishing my breakfast and coffee.
Closing my eyes I took a moment for myself. It was a good to take a moment once and a while.
My brows furrowed. It smelt like something was burning.
When I opened my eyes I inhaled sharply.
I was back in the woods.
God not again.
Why did this keep happening!
My feet followed the path to the clearing of their own accord. They knew the way already.
The smoke was a second nature smell. This time it did not bother me as much and the sounds of broken things in the background were muffled.
Once again I found the discarded jacket in the same spot. Picking it up I followed the path not sure where I was going but knew it felt right.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed before I stopped.
"Oh my God." Breathing out.
I had finally come upon the source of the noises.
It was a wreckage site.
Something had crashed or been torn apart.
The fires were still here and there.
What happened?
Pieces, so many pieces everywhere.
Carefully I stepped over broken parts and items that was all connected at one time to something, but what?
Could it be a car crash?
No it was too many pieces for a car.
I think?
Treading along the path I came upon a mound. Standing on top of it I looked down.
My throat closed.
Half of a plane laid down before me.
A plane.
I was staring down at the front half of plane.
A plane had crashed.
My hands gripped the jacket so tight I had forgotten I had been holding it for a moment.
The jacket.
Oh God.
What was I finding? What did this mean?
The hospital was going to be involved in some type of plane crash.
Wait. Wait maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I was seeing something that had already happened.
Maybe that was it?
Everyone was fine.
Something hissed and sparked making me jump.
The jump moved something close to my feet.
Bending down I attempted to get a better look at the part.
"Charlie." My head snapped up as I looked down at the crash site.
Was somebody calling me for help?
"Charlie." The voice. It was familiar.
"Hello?" Calling out as loud as I could.
"Charlie what's wrong?" The voice said again. It was female.
"Hello!" Yelling.
My body shook back and forth and the world went black for a moment.
The next moment I am crouching on the kitchen floor as I try to gain my breath.
Blinking rapidly I attempted to count the inhales of my body.
Someone came into my view.
"Lexie?" Croaking out as she kneeled to get a better view.
"Charlie are you alright?" Her voice full of worry.
"What? Where did I go?" Questioning. My head felt so foggy.
Looking down at my hands I expected to find the fleece jacket, but nothing.
My jaw clenched.
Who was playing these games with me?
"I came and found you sitting on the floor. I called your name, but you didn't respond. Your eyes were wide open." Lexie told me. Her concern still present.
Raising my hand to my chest I willed myself to be steady.
"Yeah I was sleep-walking. It happens sometimes." Giving the same lie I had given to Derek.
Lexie still stared though.
"I'm fine Lexie, just tired." Sighing as I made the excuse "It's just been a lot to try and help Holly."
Moving I went to get up off the floor. Lexie got up first and took my hand.
A burst of frost blasted through me knocking the breath out of me.
Lexie was staring at me, but it wasn't Lexie.
Her face was cut up. She was bleeding. Her mouth open. Eyes wide. Unblinking.
Dead.
She was dead.
The second I let go of her hand the image vanished and Lexie returned to normal.
Putting a hand over my mouth I managed to make it to the sink before I vomited.
Retching up my breakfast till I had nothing left I dry-heaved a few times before my body stopped. I felt Lexie holding my hair back. I gripped the sink edge as I forced myself to stay calm.
My hands shook as I turned on the facet and washed the sink before sticking my mouth under the running water to rinse out my mouth.
Taking an extra minute so that I wouldn't burst out crying at what I had just been shown I finally shut the tap off.
Slowly I stood upright and grabbed a paper towel to wipe my mouth.
"Charlie what is going on?" Lexie pressed; her tone heavy.
"I…it was something I ate. Food poisoning I think." Risking a glance at her "It's going to be a while before I eat sushi again." Attempting to joke with her as I put up the façade that everything was okay.
"Thank you for holding my hair." Putting on a fake, small smile.
Lexie wasn't sure if she should buy it or not.
"Let me get you some water." Lexie turned around and grabbed a glass and, in that moment, I let myself shake in panic before returning to normal.
As Lexie handed me the glass I was careful to not make contact with her. I did not want to see those eyes again.
A lump formed in my throat as those eyes, her eyes, spilled back into my skull.
It almost made me sick again.
Forcing myself to get a few sips down I smiled at her "Thank you again. I'm going to lie down for a bit. See if that helps." Putting the glass down.
Walking out on slightly shaky legs Lexie called out to me.
"You know if something is wrong you can talk to me, any of us."
"Everything is fine, apart from the mild food poisoning." Joking once more but all I wanted to do was scream. Turning back around I made sure to not flee up the stairs until she was out of sight.
Running up to my room I gently closed the door and locked it before I slid down onto the floor and broke down sobbing with my hands over my mouth to keep quiet.
What! Was! Going! On!
I wanted to scream.
Inside I was screaming. I was afraid and panicked and I didn't know what to do.
I felt so alone.
My eyes closed but all I could see were Lexie's vacant, blue ones staring back at me.
The sobs grew stronger.
I needed help.
With shaking hands I pulled my phone from my jeans and brought up my contacts.
Pressing the screen I heard the ringing on the other line.
"Please, please." Whispering to myself.
Someone answered in cheerfulness, "Hello honey!" But I didn't have time for that.
"Mama Dee." Sobbing out "Oh God I need help!"
As much as I wanted to bolt and run to New Orleans I didn't. I couldn't.
I had bonded with Holly. I made a promise to help her. No one was there for me when I went through hell. I couldn't leave her.
I would just have to wait until Holly was released from the hospital. I could survive a few more days.
As long as I didn't close my eyes and see Lexie's cold, dead eyes I would be fine.
Just fine.
Right now though Holly was not fine.
Her parents had brought her a photo album and a stuffed bunny when she had as a child. They had hoped it would make her remember. She was only six when she was abducted. They were trying to jog her memories.
Meredith and I were going over the photos with her, but it wasn't having the desired effect.
"This is I think your first day of school." Meredith pointed to the page, but Holly didn't answer.
Meredith turned another page "Sixth birthday. Looks like that's where the bunny came from." Gesturing back and forth from the photo to the toy.
When Holly still didn't respond Meredith decided to switch topics "So today Dr. Torres will be realigning your arm. You'll have a lot more mobility in your elbows."
Holly cut in "Did they really think that this would work? Give me some photo albums and a stuffed animal, and we'd be normal again?"
Meredith and I were silent for a moment.
"No I think that they are just trying to help you remember." Meredith responded.
"You were only six Holly." I said.
"Well then tell them that I remember all of it. The first day of school and my sixth birthday." She said in sarcasm.
"Just like I remember the first time he made me take my clothes off, and how hard he kicked me when I didn't act like I liked it. Or how his breath smelled like cigarettes. How I could've gotten away a bunch of times, but every time I made it outside I could hear his voice inside my head."
"Telling me that they didn't want me, that I was dead to them, and that the only reason I finally ran away was because he told me that he was gonna take another girl because I was too old and used up and disgusting now." Holly said getting more upset and worked up with each word.
"Tell them that." She stared straight into Meredith's eyes. A dare through and through.
Meredith glanced at me.
"Mer can you give us a minute?"
She nodded and closed the scrapbook and left the room.
"You do know that was a bunch of bullshit right?" Sighing as I sat in Meredith's spot.
"What?" She said utterly confused. I had thrown her for a huge loop.
"His voice in your head. It's all bullshit you know that right? Because he is nothing Holly. You're here and he's locked up. He can't get to you again. If you are going to move forward you are going to need to get his voice out of your head if you're ever going to heal." Explaining.
"It's not your fault you didn't run. You were a kid. All the faults are with him. It's not your fault. Say it."
She sighed and I could tell she wanted to roll her eyes "It's not my fault."
"Good, one day you'll believe it." Cracking a smile.
A tiny smile formed on her lips too.
Progress.
"You will one day believe it, but Holly you can't keep pushing back on your treatment. If you do, it will push you back so far that you won't ever believe it. No matter how many times people tell it to you."
She looked down at the album.
"They want things to be the same, but they won't ever be." She said.
"No, no they won't and they will come to realize that, but you also need to try and meet them halfway. Things shouldn't be the same and you deserve to be allowed to grow into your own person. Not what he wanted, not what your parents want, but you. What you want." Speaking as she continued to stare at the closed album.
"They love you, and they want you to try and remember something good before you were taken. There must have been something that you remember while there. Something you held onto. Something he couldn't touch or taint." Gently prodding.
Holly was quiet for a few moments before speaking "I remember that my mom would read me my favorite book every night before bed."
"What was the book?" Inquiring.
"The Giving Tree." A sad smile touched her lips "She would read it to me every night and it always helped me get to sleep."
"That right there. That is one good thing that you kept to in order to survive. The good things are what help us through the storm. Every home I was in I remembered the good things about the life I had with my parents." Telling her "The good is what keeps you alive."
"Holly you at least need to try. If you don't try you won't heal." Sincerely speaking to her.
"Are you healing?" She looked up and asked me in complete curiosity.
"I'm trying." Smirking in depression "I'm trying every day and I am so thankful for the people in my life who are helping me to heal. Who are letting me heal."
"I've learned you need to take the good with the bad. Don't let the hard days win." Stressing to her in seriousness.
I felt like a slight hypocrite at my words to Holly. Right now my hard days were threatening to consume me whole and I felt like I was gasping for air to stay alive.
The room felt crowded. Probably because there were six of us in it.
Also it wasn't a good idea to put Dr. Torres and I in a room together, but Holly needed updates after her latest surgery.
So currently I was sucking it up for Holly's sake at having to share the same space as Dr. Torres.
"There's an old fracture in your pelvis that Dr. Torres is concerned about." Meredith explained to Holly and her parents from her side.
I was on the other side of Holly's bed, while Dr. Torres was at the foot of the bed with a monitor showing Holly's x-rays.
"It's called a avulsion fracture. At first I thought it happened when you ran away, but this injury is a lot older than that." She said confused looking at Holly.
"Do you remember when the pain first started? Or anything that might've happened right before that? A…fall maybe?" She was treading lightly.
"No, I…I, I don't." Holly concentrated.
"Oh wait." She said suddenly "Maybe it happened after I had the baby."
The air shifted as the realism hit us.
"It was a few years ago." Holly continued "I, I think it died." She said so nonchalantly. Like everything about what happened was normal.
Holly's mother looked like she was about to burst into tears.
"I couldn't walk for a long time after. I, it must have happened then, right?" She said looking to Dr. Torres.
Dr. Torres cleared her throat in "Uh, that's, yes that's." She faltered.
Holly looked to her parents "I'm sorry. I didn't." She began to make an apology and I was about to cut her off and tell her not to apologize but her mother broke in.
"No." She was trying to get out.
"Should I not have said anything?" Holly questioned in confusion.
"Excuse me." Mrs. Wheeler fled the room with her husband following her.
"It's okay." Meredith said but Holly looked frightened.
"Holly look at me." Speaking.
She turned her head and gave me her full attention.
"Say it." Knowing she would get it.
"It's not my fault." Holly wavered a bit but she said it.
"Right. It's not your fault. And remember what I also said? You feel the need to say something. You speak it. Don't hold it back, okay. It will help you heal."
"But I.." She began but again I cut her off.
"No, no buts. The more you hold back, the more you keep it in will hurt your progress. Trust me on that." Staring into her eyes "Speaking gives you freedom and it gives you power. Power over him, over what happened. It means you control your fate."
She nodded but was still hesitant.
"But my parents." Holly whispered.
"Let me go and try to talk to them okay?" Patting her shoulder and giving her a little smile before leaving the room.
Stepping outside the room I didn't have to go far.
"Mrs. and Mr. Wheeler." Jogging up to them.
"Yes, is it Holly?" Mrs. Wheeler asked while she quickly wiped away her tears.
"Holly is fine. I came to check on the two of you." Replying.
"Where fine, it's just." Mrs. Wheeler tried but broke off in fresh tears.
"It's a lot I know. Believe me I can't even begin to imagine what you both are feeling right now, and back there must have been anything but easy."
"You two should sit, just for a moment. Just to catch your breaths." Gesturing to the chairs outside of the room.
They obeyed and I sat in the empty chair next to Mrs. Wheeler.
"Like I said I can't even begin to imagine how this must feel for you both, and for Holly as well. It's so much, too much at once. That I do realize."
"She…she just said it like it was so ordinary." Mr. Wheeler shook his head.
"Because to Holly that was her normal. For twelve years that place, that life was all she knew. She needs to learn what her new normal will be. I believe she will she just needs time, patience, and love."
"We're trying we really are." Mrs. Wheeler strained.
"I know. We all know. You both are doing the best you can under the circumstances." Reaching out and clasping her hand in mine "You are giving her what she needs and not pushing her which is the most important thing of all."
"I just need to let you know that back there, what she said. It may have been unbearable to hear, but you need to know that what Holly said was a good thing."
"A good thing?" Mr. Wheeler flummoxed to me.
"No, not what actually happened to her." Shaking my head "But her having the confidence to speak about it. In the time I've spent with your daughter there are two important things I keep stressing to her. One, it's not her fault. Two, that she needs to speak her truths. She can go through therapy. All the therapy she wants but if she doesn't feel like she is in a safe space to speak about what happened to her then she never will. The most important part of her healing is her being able to have the confidence to speak about what happened to her. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it will be to her and others around her." Trying to explain to them.
"Holly said that you have been trying to help her." Mrs. Wheeler told me.
"Yes, I'm trying anyway. I know a little of what is like to be treated the way your daughter has been treated."
"What happened to you?" Mrs. Wheeler questioned.
Sucking in a breath I told them "My parents died when I was ten. For eight years I was in the foster system. The experience was less than pleasant. Especially my second to last foster home." Quietly saying.
"My previous foster father was a bastard." Putting it simply. "He manipulated me. He beat me. He hurt me. He even attempted to kill me several times." Openly telling them. Even if it did shock them.
"I told Holly that I knew what it was like to be on the other side of an angry man's power. We have a kinship in that regard."
"We're very sorry you had to experience that." Mr. Wheeler told me sincerely.
"Thank you." My lips forming into a sad smile "Obviously it wasn't anywhere near what Holly has been through."
"How did you get through it?" Mrs. Wheeler asked me.
"I'm still trying to get through it." Giving a dark chuckle "Has it been easy? No, no way. And I'm not going to lie it won't be easy for Holly. But the most important thing I have found that has helped me has been able to be given the strength to talk about it. Not to shove it away and pretend it never happened."
"Holly needs to be able to speak about what happened to her in those twelve years. If she doesn't, if she shuts it up and bottles it, it will only get worse. The more she speaks about the easier it will be for her to realize that none of this was her fault and that she is supported."
Squeezing Mrs. Wheelers hand, I said "It won't be easy for anyone, especially the both of you. But the important thing to remember is to listen with an open heart and mind. Always reassure her that it's okay to talk about the past. The utterly horrible and the terrific. It's going to be challenging, but it will help everyone."
"Do you know what Holly said to me?" Inquiring to them.
They shook their heads.
"I had asked Holly to think of a thing. One good thing that kept her strong. One thing that she remembered from her past that he had nothing to do with."
A smile was on my face "She told me that she remembered you reading The Giving Tree to her every night before she went to bed."
"She remembered that?" Mrs. Wheeler sobbed out as she covered her mouth with her free hand.
"Yes. She remembered that." Squeezing her hand in reassurance "That is what she clung to when she needed something happy to get her through."
"The daughter you had, that Holly, that won't be the Holly you know. But the Holly she is now, it won't be forever. Holly needs to figure out the Holly that she needs to be. With your love she will be able to do that."
"So please, take a few moments. Collects yourselves and please go reassure your daughter that she shouldn't be frightened or afraid to speak about her past."
They nodded as I let go of Mrs. Wheelers hand. The both of them took a few moments to settle themselves before getting up.
"Thank you for everything you're doing for her." Mrs. Wheeler said to me.
"I'm glad I'm able to help." Smiling at them before they went into her room.
There was a knock on my door.
"Come in." Saying as I read through my notes while I typed. This semester was threatening to be a doozy and it was only a few days before February.
"Hello." One of my favorite voices said to me.
Glancing up I found George in my doorway.
"Hi babe. Sorry just getting some homework done." Grinning at him.
He came over and kissed me. As we broke apart, I pulled him back "Wait one more." Laughing out. I felt him chuckling against my lips.
"Thank you for letting me sleep in today." As he sat down on my bed, careful not to crush my notes.
"You deserved it. You've been stretching yourself too much between Joes, school, and Holly." He rubbed my back.
"Speaking of work." Glancing back down at my screen so he wouldn't catch me in the lie I was about to tell "I got a call from my friend, Mama Dee. You remember her from New Orleans where she lives with her daughter."
"Yes, you're close with her."
"Very." Pulling out a hopefully, not strained smile as I stared at the screen.
"She and I spoke today. She wants me to come down to New Orleans as soon as possible. She said she needs my help with something. I told her I would go as soon as Holly was released from the hospital." The last part was a lie. Hoping he wouldn't catch on.
"What does she need your help with?" George questioned.
"You know the usual, spooky stuff. I can't really get into it. It's way too complicated. Plus it's been ages since I last saw her or Delia." Continuing to type.
George had stopped rubbing my back. He was silent.
"What?" Risking a look at him.
"It's just…do you think you should be going? I'm just worried about your classes. You missed the first week because of having to go see Liam. What will your professors think now that you're missing more classes?"
"I know but it's an emergency." Replying "I need to go see her."
For my sake. Not hers.
"What about work? What about Joe?" George tried another route.
"I already spoke to Joe. He won't even have to pay me the time off. I mean it's not like I even need to money anymore. I told him I'd cover two shifts when I got back."
George went quiet again.
After a minute I said to him "George it's fine. Sam, Mo, and Ellie already promised to help me catch up and take notes. I know the timing isn't the best, but I have to go see her." Pressing to him.
He looked like he was still on the fence.
"Babe it's okay. I know what's best for me. I'm going." Speaking with a tone of finality before going back to my homework.
But then after a minute I looked back at him and saw his face fall.
"I'm sorry." Saying quietly.
George turned to me "Again I know it's not ideal, but George I have to go see her and Delia. I know you care and you don't want me to fall behind but I'll be okay."
"Is there anything else?" George gently prodded.
Oh crap. Did Lexie tell him about this morning?
"No? Why?" Innocently asking.
"I just…I feel like there is something else." He told me.
"I think it's just this past week struggling to help Holly. It's stirred up a lot of things." Giving a partially honest answer.
"It's odd speaking to her about everything. Besides her, you are the only person who really knows what happened to me when I was in John's care." Whispering to him "I want to show her it's not going to be all bad. That there is a light in the darkness." Confessing.
"Like you." Blushing, "You're one of my brightest lights." Tears formed in my eyes "I'm so thankful for you giving me the chance to heal." A couple of tears slipped down my cheek.
George moved closer and pulled me to him. Breathing in his scent was the first thing that had grounded me all day. It reminded me that I was here.
Not in the woods.
"I love you." George stroked my hair.
Titling my head up I looked at him "I love you too." My voice coating in tears.
Leaning forward I kissed him. It was the kind of kiss that told love and passion but held secrets. Secrets that didn't want to be kept but had to.
I hated having to keep this from him. But until I went to New Orleans and saw Mama Dee to figure out what the hell was going on, I had to keep this to myself.