Heyyyyyyyy... so this is probably a bit important, but the reason I haven't updated is because, well. I actually completely forgot. I've been posting on Ao3, and it's so much easier, and I just prefer the sight. It's not much, but it does have up to 29 chapters, and has had some of them for... well, months. If it's okay with you guys, I might just switch completely over there? It depends on if you guys are willing to follow me over or not!

Once the tests were over, Izuku dragged himself to Recovery Girl, mental exhaustion weighing on his steps. She was hesitant to heal him, but looking at his finger and the cuts lashed all across his arms, she decided it would be for the best. After a quick kiss later, she gave him a once over.

"You don't seem to have lost a lot of energy, so that's good ... quite odd that your finger was already almost healed. I'd assume you have accelerated healing if it weren't for those cuts." She eyed him. "What caused these? They're not healing correctly, even with my quirk's influence."

Izuku froze up, the shadowy abyss flashing in his head. His mouth felt stiff as he struggled to jumble out some sort of falsified response. She shook her head exasperatedly as he failed completely to do so. "You're good to go, then. Try to keep out of trouble now, young man. If I heal you too much you'll run out of energy and die."

Izuku smiled gently at her as he left. He doubted that. And he hoped he wouldn't be passing on any time soon. A shiver crawled up his spine at the thought of the hellish purgatory. Did all ghosts go through that? Was it his punishment for suicide?

Izuku muttered through his thoughts as he walked down the hall, unaware of his surroundings, so when Iida clapped him on his shoulder, he nearly startled out of his skin—which clearly startled Iida as well, as he shifted back, and suddenly bowed sharply.

"I apologize for surprising you, Midoriya-kun! Uraraka-kun and I simply wanted to congratulate you on your score! You did quite fantastically on many of the tests! We were also curious about what occurred during the—"

Uraraka clapped her hands over Iida's mouth, giggling nervously. "Sorry about him! We were curious! But it's probably totally personal, right? We're just glad you're alright! It was scary when you disappeared, Deku-kun!"

Well, Izuku couldn't blame them for being curious. He knew he wouldn't have been able to stop his questions, but— "Deku-kun?"

"Yeah! During the test, Kacchan, called you Deku right?"

"Kacchan?" Izuku shrieked. "Nonono! His name is Bakugou Katsuki, he'd kill you if you called him Kacchan! And Deku is just what he calls me. I'm Midoriya Izuku… he was just being a bully when he started calling me that."

"Who's a bully? Fuck you."

"A-AH!" Izuku yelped, spinning around. "Kacchan! You startled me! And—you know you were being a bully too!"

Katsuki ignored him and turned to Uraraka. "And don't you fucking call him Deku. That's my name for him."

Uraraka looked at them curiously, tapping her finger to her chin. "Was Mineta-kun right then? Are you guys dating?" She smiled, eyes closing. "You make a cute couple!"

Izuku flushes brilliant red, hands coming up to fluster around his face as he spluttered denials. Where was all this coming from! Why would anyone think that he and Kacchan were—that! What a strange thought!

"Hah? What the fuck did you say, round-faced bitch?"

Instead of recoiling like Izuku would have expected—like Iida was, visibly cringing at the language use, personally insulted—she laughed brightly. "It's a cute nerd and the hot bad boy! What a perfect ship!"

"A fucking what? You're a fucking idiot, round face. Why the hell would I date such a shitty Deku."

Uraraka's bright face fell slightly. "You don't have to be so rude, you know."

Before Katsuki could explode again, Izuku jumped in. "Uraraka-kun, he's telling the truth. We're not dating—not even interested! I'm sorry if we gave off that impression or anything!"

She eyed them. "You're sure?"

Izuku nodded his emphatically. "Of course! Kacchan and I are childhood friends—we've known each other forever!"

"...Alright." She decided cheerily, hands coming to her backpack straps as she rocked energetically on her feet. "Well then, Izu-kun! I'll see you tomorrow!"

"U-Um, yeah! I'll see you too, Uraraka-kun!" Izuku and Katuski watched as they walked away. Only once they were out of sight, did either speak.

"Izu-kun. ?" Katsuki repeated in disgust. "What the hell is that about? That's what the hag calls you."

"It's cute! She can call me that if she wants to." Izuku continued waving until both she and Iida were out of sight, turning to go the other way. He only stopped when Katsuki shoved him in the shoulder, and he nearly feel over.

"Fucking idiot. We're going the same way as them."

"Ah?" Izuku looked back and forth from where he'd been going and where Uraraka and Iida had gone. "Oh my gosh! We could have walked with them!"

"Thank fuck we didn't." said Katsuki as he turned and walked down the correct road, bag slung over his shoulder.

"Kacchaaaannn, don't be rude. They were nice!" called Izuku, jogging slightly to catch up with Katsuki's longer gait.

"They're idiots," he paused, breath catching just barely perceptibly. "Just like you."

"Kacchan, that's mea-"

"Don't fucking dissapear on me like that again." Katsuki growled, facing away, features covered by his hair. Izuku felt ice shoot up his spine at the reminder. For a second, shadows seemed to claw at his arms, and Izuku shuddered as the still-lingering cuts seemed to burn. Tears began burning at his eyes, as what felt like aftershocks ran through his body. The world turned to that black purgatory for a single second, almost like he'd completely lost grip of his quirk for a second, still not recovered. Heartbeat quickening, and suddenly seeing phantom monsters in the allies, Izuku blindlysprinted away from the shadows.

Katsuki stared startled at Izuku's receding back. What the fuck? Letting off a few curses, Katsuki began chasing after him. Izuku had gotten faster, and ghostly stamina was unfair, so it took Katsuk longer than it should have to catch up. They were entering a grassy park by the time he finally managed to grab a hold on Izuku's sleeve and drag him to a spinning stop. Panting lightly, Katsuki manhandled the nerd into a sitting position, glad that the grass was well maintained. The idiot had stopped breathing again, even if he was functioning normally enough, looking at Katsuki questioningly. As if he didn't know Deku's tells by now.

"Oi, Deku, what the fuck was that?"

"What do you mean Kacchan?" He asked, but still wasn't breathing, and his eyes were glossy and unfocused.

"Don't play dumb idiot, why did you-" taking a deep breath, Katsuki focused on what he actually wanted to say. "Are you alright, Deku?"

That seemed to do it, as Izuku's eyes cleared up, coming back into focus as glossiness turned into watery eyes and his distant expression broke. A sob distorting his face uglilily, Izuku fell forward, and wrapped his arms around Katsuki, collapsing into him. "It was so terrifying Kacchan! You do-don't understand- it was- there was-dark, and monsters-and the unknown, the void and it was all so so horrible and I just-I wanted to give up, and that's horrible!" He wailed, tears staining Katsuki's shirt. He blubbered on about creatures of shadow and the endless and unending fear of a nameless place.

What. What was Izuku talking about? Monsters and darkness and shit? What the fuck. What the fuck. Katsuki has assumed Izuku had just moved on—gone to heaven like the fucking innocent idiot he was or ceased existing or whatever the afterlife would be. But it seemed he had gone to some sort of purgatorial abyss. Fuck. That was terrifying. Fucking fuck. Had he almost lost Izuku completely?

Ah shit. Now was not the time to go into a panic attack. (Even if fire was burning at the back of his throat, and it was almost painfully to not set of the heavy sweat forming in his palms, and so what if he felt nauseous and Black was crawling at the corners of his vision. Izuku needed help. Not him.)

Of course, Katsuki didn't really know what he could do to help the crying boy. So even as his own eyes burned and he felt sick at the thought that this horror Izuku had went through would never have happened if not for him, Katsuki allowed Izuku to sob into his shirt. Just this once. And he wouldn't let Izuku worry about him. Katsuki would swallow heavily and bear with it.

Kohaku lay quietly in the grass, hazy sweet strands pricking at her nose, intoxicatingly heady like sharp catnip. Her ears twitched back and forth as she listened to her littermate sniffle to the feral one. Warm sun heated through her fur—hot gold warmth—and as it beat down and caused the grass to become more aromatic, Kohaku picked up the sweet-fire-smoke smell of feral one, increase. Bitter fear and pain emanated off him too, well masked by the sugar-heat-scent. Kohaku would bet that any other cat would have been fooled by the forced stillness that lined the feral one's limbs, but Koko was better than that.

She hadn't liked feral one at first, because he was mean to her littermate, and insulted the name electricity-smoke-iron littermate had given her. Hostility had radiated off him in waves of dark and heavy spice, and she would bet that he had a smark viciously placed on his face as he hissed at Kohaku's littermate who smelled of cold-ozone-flame, and then the salty ocean of tears and heavy-shitty-cloudy-rain sadness. How dare a feral cat make her littermate sad! He was an asshole!

So she held a grudge.

But that open hostility, the heavy spice was present even now, even if the scent was weaker than even the smell of honey-like pain. So what was the feral one angered about? Kohaku could admit that she may have been quick to judge—she encountered many new smells and feelings each day, so she could be mistaken. And whenever the feral one was around her littermate, spring-grass-happiness and lavender-sun-content was always an underlying emotion, no matter what may have been on the surface. Feral as he was, the one called Katsuki made Kohaku's littermate happy—and deserved that feeling too.

So when her littermate finally wept out all his cloying sadness and bitter fear, she decided to stay laying concealed in the tall itchy-sweet-annoying grass, and let him go home alone. He had a brown-sugar-salt-and-warmth mother at home, he would be happy. He would get support, and be open to it. The feral one, the bastard-explosion-ash predator would hide his heart with the smell of river water and stone and his parents would not know. Not like Kohaku did.

Katsuki slumped home with Izuku's broken eyes weighing heavily on his shoulders. It was hard to think, his body numb as surroundings blurred and faded out of his awareness. (They had the same look, the watery and hopeless fragmented gaze he had when he had opened his dulled green eyes and jumped off a roof)

He got home pretty quickly—he didn't even remember the train ride—he just knew he'd missed the train he'd planned to take—because Izuku must have taken that one. By the time Katsuki had gotten to the station, Izuku had already left.

He shut the door quietly behind him, just barely slipping through the door, hoping that he could avoid drawing attention. Instead, his quiet entry caused Mitsuki to poke her head out of the kitchen, worry creasing her eyebrows immediately.

"Everything okay brat?"

"No. It's fucking not."

Alarm spread over her face, genuine and gentle care softening her features. It was disgusting. She'd been to soft since they'd made up. She acted like he was fragile. It wasn't the old hag he was used to.

"What's wrong?"

"You're in the fucking kitchen. I don't wanna die of food poisoning tonight. Why isn't the old man cooking?"

Her disturbingly worried look sharpened into her usual face. "Oi! Show more respect to your father and my cooking! We deserve better than that, shitty brat!"

Katsuki threw a middle finger behind his as he walked up the stairs. He couldn't show her his face right now.

A few hours passed, Katsuki not fully conscious of them. He went down for dinner, poked at his food more than he ate it—due to his hag's cooking, mind you—and just barely registered his parents exchanging worried glances. After enough time had passed, Katsuki pushed his plate away roughly and walked back up the stairs without saying a word.

Again, he sat, this time with his eyes glued on Izuku's shitty notebooks. He wondered if the nerd wanted those back. Or had even thought about them. They weren't from a good point in Izuku's life, after all. He had the hero merchandise too, but a part of Katsuki didn't want to give it back.

A knock on the door was followed by Katsuki's old man, face a carefully crafted neutral.

"Hey, son. I saw you didn't eat much so I figured—"

"Get out. I'm not hungry."

Masaru looked at him, maybe somewhat disappointed, but he seemed to recognize Katsuki's genuine wish for him to get the fuck out, so he just shrugged lightly. "All right. If you need anything, your mother and I are here."

Katsuki ignored him, so he left placing the plate of bland chicken and rice on the floor. Katsuki glared at it. He wasn't fucking weak. He didn't need their pity like this. He wasn't weak. He was fine. The whole debacle was just stupid and it not like like anything had happened in the end so he didn't need to be so fucking hung up over it. Izuku was fine. Katsuki was fine. He was fucking fine—-

"FUUUUCKKKK" Katsuki screamed into his pillow, glad that his room was pretty soundproof. No one would hear.

A loud hiss broke through his expression of anger and cut him out of it. He turned his head to the side and nearly jumped back as he saw a cat with fur fluffed up until she was just a ball of black, white, and golden-orange fur. That was Deku's shitty animal, right? What the fuck was it doing in his house? In his ROOM?

Seeming to realize he wasn't gonna shout again, Kohaku's fur settled and she crept closer to him, cautiously sniffing the air. Brilliant amber eyes flicked around the room randomly, seeing nothing. But they were wide and—fuck it all. Katsuki might've been going soft, but the tiny cat was damn adorable with fur still slightly fluffed, and eyes wide and curious.

Trying not to startle her, Katsuki reached out a hand slowly, allowing her to catch his scent before placing his hand on her head. She was so fucking soft. The moment her fur was pressed down by him, her body seemed to melt, softening as a deep purr tumbled suddenly through her little chest. She butted her head against his hand, rubbing her ears and chin against his knuckles, purring almost aggressively, and clambering onto his lap. It occurred to him that he was warmer than the average human because of his quirk—cats like warmth, right?

He could see why some people became obsessed with cats.

Katsuki tried to pull away, standing up, and she bristled at him clearly upset. "Hold up a sec, shitty cat," he grumbled, walking to the door where his dad had left the old hag's plain-as-fuck food. At least it would be good for something.

Tearing the two cutlets into fourth, he placed them in front of the cat. He was pretty sure they were still too big for her, but he'd see first. She sniffed it curiously, eyes brightening at the scent before she went down over, knawing pointlessly at the too-large chunks for such a tiny kitten. Katsuki stifled his laughs as the chicken dropped out of her little teeth multiple times and she glared at it and sniffed balefully before trying again, delicate face screwing up in concentration as she tried to chew. While she worked on the one piece, he cut the others up into what he imagined normal cat food size was, and was well-past done by the time she finally finished the one chunk. She seemed almost gleeful when she sniffed her way over to the rest and found that they were smaller, devouring them with gusto.

Once finished, the calico licked her chops satisfactory and brushed a paw over her face a few time to clean up, tail swishing contently. Kohaku sniffed her way over to Katsuki, purr rumbling in her throat. She rubbed against his knees and climbed into his crossed legs. He looked at her for a moment, before laying a hand on her back gently and brushing through her silky fur.

A droplet of water landed on her fur, and then on his hand. He was crying. Of fucking course. Pulling away, Katsuki held a hand against his eyes as silent tears filled them and leaked out. Fuck. He had almost lost Izuku today. Again. And the damn idiot had suffered so much in that period of time yet Katsuki had been compeltely fucking useless. He was supposed to be able to protect Izuku! He had told himself he wouldn't let Deku be hurt in front of him again and yet— He was so. FUCKING. USELESS. How could he be so weak—

Kohaku dug her teeth into his sleeve, pulling his arm away from his eyes and gritted teeth keeping sobs from escaping. She turned her face up to them, eyes wide and soft. Her ears lay down, sadness filling her expression as she butted gently against his chin. It's alright to cry. Not a damn thing is weak about that, she seemed to say.

"Tch. Damn cat." Katsuki said wetly, voice hoarse and rough in his throat.

Kohaku seemed to almost smile at him when she pulled back and turned her sightless gaze up to his voice. Katsuki couldn't stop the little smirk that spread across his face in response. She stared at him, then placed her paw on his collar and leaned forward. It took a second, but Katsuki got the idea. Maybe Kohaku wasn't a fucking idiot like her owner. Katsuki leaned back into his pile of pillows, and the damn cat seemed smugly satisfied. Goal accomplished, Kohaku butted against his hand once more and settled comfortably onto his chest, burrowing herself into the folds of his hoodie.

It was like that that Katsuki fell asleep, troubles off his mind and soothing vibrations rumbling against his chest.