Chapter Twenty-Nine

Wednesday 25th December – 12.45pm

Chloe nearly jumped when her embrace with Elly was broken once more by the sound of her phone ringing once more.

Chloe sighed as this time the sound of her phone awoke Elliot from being settled in his cot and the infant immediately started crying. Chloe and Elly both pulled out of their hug, with Chloe grabbing her phone back out of her pocket and instead of cancelling the call she set her phone to silent without vibrate.

Elly stood back from Chloe as she reached into the cot to scoop her son up into her arms as she attempted to settle the infant back to sleep.

"I'm so sorry," Chloe apologized as she put the phone back in her pocket, "I said I should keep my phone on silent around Elliot so he doesn't get disturbed by things like this and then I went and left it on anyway."

"It's fine, Chloe. I've got my phone on too. It happens, it's not a big deal. Guess Pierce wants to get a hold of you," Elly replied.

"I'll call him back later, it'll just be Pierce calling to wish me a Merry Christmas, that can wait. Is there anything I can do to help you with Elliot to settle him?" Chloe offered.

Elly shook her head, "No, it's okay. I think he's due for a feed anyway so he was bound to wake up crying without your phone waking him. I should feed him and then put him down for another nap. Maybe then I should try and get some rest."

Chloe bit her lip nervously, "Do you want me to give you some privacy?"

Elly glanced up at Chloe as she rocked her son gently, "I don't mind you staying 'til I'm resting and you can go spend the rest of your Christmas with the boys…ooh do you mean privacy to feed Elliot…? Cause I haven't…done that yet with you around as when we were in the hospital the nurses would always shoo my visitors away so I could feed him on my own and bond with him."

"Yeah that…I can give you privacy if you want or I can stay…I just want you to be comfortable," Chloe offered.

Elly smiled at the blonde, "I am comfortable having you around whilst I do stuff like this," then unable to resist smirking, "Or is this breaking your rules? Me getting my boobs out in front of you? I don't think Pierce would be happy if he knew I had them out in front of you."

Chloe smirked back at Elly, "Oh, please, Elly, this isn't you getting them out for me. You're feeding your son. Pierce would be a moron to call that an act of us cheating on him by you doing it in front of me. There's nothing rule breaking about that…I won't be the one sucking on them."

"Oh, I bet you want to," Elly teased, seeing Chloe blush, "Though I'm sure by the time you'll get the chance to, they'll be rather gross having this little guy ruining them…the perks of motherhood. Are you sure you want to put up with a woman whose body won't ever be the same?"

Chloe nodded, "You're not scaring me off on account of your body being different. I'm not looking to be with you for your body. I love you regardless of how you perceive your body. You're never not going to be perfect to me. Now, go sit down on the bed or your chair and feed your son. You wanted to sort out the supplies the hospital gave you for your son so that is what I'm going to do. I'll unpack everything and start sorting through some stuff for you. Then we'll put Elliot down for a nap, you can take a rest, I'll head home and I'll stop by again this evening to check on you and the peanut. Deal?"

Elly agreed, "Okay, you're the best. Oh…ah…first could you hold him while I…take my shirt off?"

Chloe immediately reached out and took the crying infant into her arms, paying attention to him as Elly slipped her shirt over her head and placed it on the bed

Elly silently shifted, sitting down on her bed with her back up against the bedhead, as Chloe then leaned over and handed the boy to his mother, "Thanks. It might seem like a small thing but having you here…it helps."

Chloe smiled at the pair, "I'm glad to be here…for both of you."

As Elly slipped her bra loose and commenced feeding Elliot, Chloe went over to Elly's bags on the end of the bed and set about removing the contents from both of the bags. Putting together the pile of clothes from Elly's hospital bag to be washed before going through the contents of the supplies the hospital had put together for Elliot and walking around the room to put them on the shelves, baby table and cot.

Chloe found a small baby blanket for Elly to use whilst feeding her son and passed it to Elly as the new mum has finished feeding Elliot. Elly redid her bra up, placed the blanket over her chest and shoulder as she worked quietly to burp her son, relieved when he didn't throw up the milk, she'd given him.

Elly then laid down on the bed, placing her head on her pillow, resting her son on her chest over the blanket, pressing her lips to the top of his head.

"All done? Do you want to put Elliot back in his cot so you can have a rest?" Chloe asked as she smiled at the pair.

"Nah…I think I want to rest here for a bit with him before I put him down properly," Elly decided, before chewing on her lip, "Will you stay here with us for a little while longer?"

Chloe smiled as she reacted to Elly's question by putting the bags down on the floor, then crawling onto Elly's bed next to her. Chloe laid down next to Elly, placing her head on Elly's shoulder, curling her body around Elly's side and gently reaching out her hand to slip it under Elliot's tiny hand. Chloe smiled at the infant when he responded by gripping her fingers with his own.

Yeah…like this isn't breaking the rules…

These rules…are not getting any clearer…

"What are you thinking?" Elly whispered as she stared at the interaction between the pair.

Chloe ran her tongue over her teeth, "About your future with the peanut…I'm not sure where I fit in. I don't know if I should…"

"How do you mean?" Elly asked quietly, fearing Chloe was pulling away from their decision to be together.

Chloe glanced up at Elly, "My Huntington's…I don't think I should fit into your future with you and Elliot."

Elly found herself releasing her arm and wrapping it around Chloe, pulling her tighter into her side, "Chloe, I'm well aware of how your life will be affected by your Huntington's. It doesn't change things for me."

Chloe resumed staring at the infant napping peacefully on Elly's chest, "What if I fall in love with him like he's my own and I don't want to leave him? Don't want to put him through living with my symptoms when they appear? Don't want him losing me…or put you through losing me? Or put myself through losing the both of you because when my disease gets really bad then I'll be losing myself as well as what the pair of you mean to me? What if…sticking it out with Pierce so he can be the one to lose me and it not affect me as much is the better option?"

"Chloe…do you want to spend your life in a loveless relationship…well loveless from your side anyway? Or do you want to spend your life with the love of your life and this little guy who will no doubt fall as madly in love with you as I have? And just so we're completely clear on it…I'm the love of your life," Elly smiled as she heard Chloe snigger softly at her declaration.

"I'm afraid," Chloe whispered.

When Elly didn't reply, Chloe continued, "I'm afraid if I…spend my life with the pair of you…it'll hurt us more…I'm scared of falling so completely more in love with you…becoming a parent to Elliot only to…end up not knowing who either of you are. I don't want that to happen…to put you both through that pain… We can stop this…now…we can…you can live your life with Elliot without either of you feeling the pain of losing me and I can…go back to Pierce and let him lose me instead. We can stop this…"

Elly felt tears well up in her eyes at the thought, "It's too late for that, Chloe…you know it is. We love each other. If you think spending your life with Pierce because you won't end up hurting me twenty/thirty years from now when you succumb to your Huntington's…you'll be wrong. I'll still be as in love with you that day as I am right now and I will be just as heartbroken…more so. I'll be more heartbroken because I will have missed out on spending our lives together like we were meant to."

"I know it's too late to stop this," Chloe admitted, "We're not even together and already…I can't even imagine not spending my life with you. Are you really sure about this…that you're prepared to…spend your life with me…knowing you'll lose me in a really horrible fashion?"

Elly ran her hand up and down Chloe's back, "I've never been more sure of anything. What's the alternative…I let you go and we miss out on an entire life of loving one another because we're too scared of how it will end? Nothing's set in stone…I could bite the dust before you even do."

"Don't even joke about that," Chloe cried out, "I wouldn't be able to live without you."

"Neither can I, Chlo, but we can't stop this thing between us because we're afraid of how it'll end when we could have an amazing life together and get to enjoy years…decades together before it happens," Elly insisted, "I want that with you…decades of loving you…of living our life with each other."

"I want that too," Chloe decided.

"So, you're not going to let your Huntington's ever get in the way of us being together just because of your fear that us going through that with you isn't worth us spending our lives together? I'm all in with you, Chlo, I'm afraid to lose you and go through that with you but I'm more scared of wasting our lives not being together," Elly confessed.

Chloe nodded gently, "Okay...I'm all in too...I don't want to waste decades with the wrong person just because I'm afraid of how us will end due to my disease."

Before Elly could feel relief from Chloe's decision, Chloe asked her, "Are you sure…we can put Elliot through this…that he won't hate us one day because not knowing me is an option we could make right now…save him the pain?"

Elly stared quietly for a moment as she watched Chloe. Despite the seriousness of her question, Chloe was smiling at the infant, lifting her hand ever so gently and watching Elliot grip her fingers more.

"What about the pain of not knowing you…not loving you? Do you want him to feel that?" Elly asked.

Chloe frowned, "If the peanut doesn't know…how's he going to feel it?"

Elly lifted her hand, running it through Chloe's hair, "Because Elliot will feel that I've been missing something from my life…you. Even if I did force myself to move on to...some guy just because said guy might be a decent role model to Elliot, my son is going to know deep down whatever I feel for the guy isn't love because it won't be. He'll know it's because I'll forever be in love with someone else...you. He'll one day ask me who that person is. He'll know I loved you…that I should never have let you go. He'll know he'll have missed the chance to fall in love with you. Decades with you loving us and us loving you…it's worth the pain. He'll love you just as I do and know we made the right decision for us…and for him by being together."

"You really think that?" Chloe asked softly.

"It's a choice we can make right now about Elliot's future...he'll either grow up with me only loving him as much as I can or with some guy where my love for my son won't change but my heart won't be in it with the guy or...he can grow up in an open and honest environment where he can look up to two people who love each other fiercely but know that our happily ever after won't last as long as it should," Elly whispered.

"You're going to make a great mum," Chloe commented.

"What makes you say that?" Elly asked with hesitation.

"You can reason with anyone and make them see you're always right," Chloe answered, "I'm going to tell the peanut to look out for that trait when he's old enough cause we can't always have you tell us that you're right and be able to reason with us why you are. I need the peanut to help me gang up on you when you do that cause we're going to team up as you can't always be right...except in this scenario...where you are right...stopping this before it begins because I don't want to hurt him...I can't stop this...we can't stop this."

Finally feeling reassured that Chloe wasn't going to let her future get in way of them being together, Elly giggled at the blonde, "I really shouldn't but I'm looking forward to the day the pair of you gang up on me but don't think for a second that there won't be plenty of times it'll be him and I teaming up on you."

"I want to help you with him," Chloe suddenly uttered.

Elly waited a moment until Chloe looked up at her, unsure what to make of Chloe's comment, "You want to..."

Don't get your hopes up, don't push Chloe too far, too soon. Yes, I want Chloe to help me raise Elliot but it doesn't mean Chloe's ready for that. Chloe might be talking about the dynamics of teaming up and spending decades of loving us but it doesn't mean she's ready to…be anything more than my girlfriend anytime soon. Just let Chloe come to whatever decision she wants about how she wants to help me with Elliot…and hope that it means we'll be a family one day.