A/N: Let's make this quick, we got one review and things are about to heat up.
YoshiChain: PADORU, PADORU, CHRISTMAS WEEABO- wait shit it's the 6th already. But yeah, I pretty much agree with what ya said and well... Needless to say we're going to get to the third and final act. As per story tradition, the second act always serves as a rest point and I've let Koei develop and simmer long enough, so let's raise them stakes!
And for once, I actually have the next chapter mostly written up, so I might be able to publish on a semi-regular basis, Celestia willing.
Now then, shall we?
POST PUBLISHING NOTE: My trainwreck inspired someone to write their own bar-based Neptunia fanfiction! If you wish to read more drinking shenangins, then go read HA-V3N by Cirno the Genius! Least I could do after inspiring you, bud! Go give it a read, it's shorter than this chapter and well worth your time. Tell 'em I said hi.
The cold battered at my shirt as I contemplated what the hell just happened. It was a lot to process at once and the cold wasn't helping. Sighing in defeat, I headed back into the Basilicom, shutting the door behind me as I embraced the warmth inside the Basilicom. Sure felt like home for a minute there, before I opened my eyes again and saw the regal decorations all around me.
I have to say, Lowee looks a damn sight better than Planeptune's Basilicom. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but they really need some interior decorators. Purple and white is rather bland if you ask me.
"Uh, Koei? You kinda walked in here and started making faces." IF's voice broke me out of my trance as I looked around. I had somehow ended up back into the main room of the Basilicom's main room, with the CPUs giving me looks as I readjusted my bearings.
Rubbing the back of my head, my cheeks fest a bit rosy as I looked away from IF. "Uh yeah. Sorry 'bout that. Force of habit?"
IF answered with a pat on the head. "Sure kiddo, close enough." It took all I had to stop myself from squeeing, but I managed. Somehow. With that awkward business out of the way, I took a look around me and now that the CPUs were no longer focused on me. They seemed to be getting along just fine, chatting casually like coworkers would at a Christmas party.
Checking my UI Gloves... Damn, no booze left and I wasn't about to tangle with Compa again. Oh well. Starting to sneak out of the building, IF gave me a look, before winking and starting to chat with Compa again, giving me the perfect opportunity to grab some more BOOZE!
Phew. Lowee's fuckin' cold. Blanc's lucky she has CPU biology on her side, because otherwise that damn jacket and vest combo would not work out for her. Still, I'm here in the General Store, where the booze would be available. Walking up to the automated kiosk, I scanned in my UI Gloves and my account was automatically signed in. Must be new and convenient tech, judging from the Lastation branding on it. Looking around, I took a few healing items again before moving onto BOOZE. I bought a bit of everything you could think of. Beer of course was on the top of the list, but some wine, vodka, rum, whiskey, whatever the fuck "Mister Jager" was, among other neat looking alcohol bottles. Whatever, it's Christmas, right?
The screaming coming from my liver said that this was going to be a bad idea, as did my now minimal balance of Credits. Looks like I'll have to go overtime after this break. Closing the menu and double checking that I had the necessary things in my inventory, I left the General Store without a word, putting my hands in my pockets as I left to protect myself from the inevitable biting cold. Walking out, it was damn cold as I I quickened my pace to get back as soon as possible, not giving a single damn for those in my path.
This became a problem about... two seconds into this line of thinking, as I did in fact, bump into someone, my ass hitting snow as I looked at who I ran into.
Their hood was up, so I couldn't see their face properly, but faintly familiar purple hair poured down from it. Speaking of faintly familiar, their jacket looked like one I saw once, but it wasn't black. Just like most people in Gamindustri, they didn't see the practicality in pants, but their long, slender, uncovered legs covered their undergarments at least.
Oh. She has tits too. I could see those puppies moving about underneath the hoodie. Still, I had to be a good citizen and stop looking at her titties. "You alright, miss?" I got up quickly before offering a hand to her.
She took it gratefully, getting up and patting herself down before taking a look at me. While I couldn't see her face, she seemed to recoil in fear from me. Come on, I'm not that unattractive...
"Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot." Her loli but older voice rang out as I put two and a parallel universe together and realized what was up.
"Wait a second, aren't you-"
"Nope, nobody you know, from this dimension or any other I have a date seeyasorryforbumpingintoyou!" She said in a definite panic, before rushing down an alley, hood uncoupling itself from her head to reveal her very Neptune-like hair, stretching down her body as she disappeared around a corner. Following her down, I turned the corner and saw... Nothing? Where'd she go?
That... Happened, right? Slugging my left arm, I proceeded to rub it. Yeah, this is reality. Walking back out, I only had one thought on my mind.
That's Ultradimension Neptune. 100%. Literally just Neptune but older. And hotter. And legal.
Wonder why she was here. Or why she ran off so quickly.
"Phew. That was too close." I crept out of the dimensional rift I created after that guy bumped into me. What a weirdo, but I got what I needed. Opening my pocket, I pulled out my notebook and looked through the intelligence I had gathered for the boss lady. Namely the Guild stats of one Koei Tech. Good thing those are easily available from Guilds, otherwise I might have been in trouble.
"Hey, boss lady! I'm back~!" I walked through the city ruins as I looked for the gal who hired my particular set of skills.
I heard a sigh from everywhere. "I told you before, that's not my name." Dark energy exploded as the boss revealed herself, covered head to toe in black and blue. I didn't have the guts to ask her if it was just a phase or a fashion statement, but forgot to ask back when I worked for her.
"Well, you wouldn't take Kurome either. Or Kurosy."
"Just give me what I asked for, Neptune." She held a gloved hand out and gave her the page of my notebook containing the top secret details. Silence reigned as she read it, and I looked around. For a featureless void, it was pretty neat-looking, what with that giant Heart Crystal serving as the centerpiece of the ruins.
"Interesting." She finally finished, geez. "It seems you pulled this off without incident." She stared at me. "You did make sure that nobody saw you, right?"
I shot a thumbs up. "Of course, what sort of thief gets caught in the act?" I lied through my teeth for my own health. She wouldn't find out anyway.
"Excellent. Now that I know who I am up against, we must devise a strategy to set our plan into motion. We have the element of surprise, after all."
"Y-yeah... We do." Shit. I'm going to have to ditch her sooner than expected. "Still, shouldn't I gather more intel about your successor before you start devising a scheme, just in case?"
She didn't even look at me as she walked past me. "If she's an alternate version of you, it's nothing to worry about." She stopped walking before turning her head towards me. "I don't mean that as an insult, it's just an objective fact that your ability to traverse dimensions easily and stealthily is the only reason you're not a mindless drone for me. Even then, I'm regretting not doing that."
"That's uh... That's something alright." I felt my confidence die a slow and painful death as I realized how little she truly cared about me as a person.
"Consider it a reference for your next job interview. You'll be needing one soon, assuming your dimension isn't destroyed in the aftermath, that is. Now go on, I have things to scheme." She shooed me away. "But not too far, I may have more use for you yet."
I shrugged and opened a dimensional hole to head back home. Methinks I earned a pudding.
Entering the Basilicom, the gathered party had barely moved, let alone acknowledged my leaving. Still, best to keep safe around medical personnel when possible. Walking up the stairs, I cleared my throat to make myself known, attracting the attention of all present. With all those eyes on me, I made my announcement.
"Ladies." I stated simply, reaching into my inventory to find the booze. "Tonight we party like it's 1999!" I pulled out two bottles of spirits, not giving a damn about what they contained.
"Koei." Blanc stated simply. "It's two in the afternoon and there are minors present." She stared at me dead in the face with her cool steel blue eyes for what seemed like forever. "It'd be my pleasure."
Walking back down the stairs, I handed Blanc a bottle of vodka as she set it onto a nearby table that was filled with various cartons of eggnog. Grabbing one and some glasses, "Prepare to sit down, because the Lowee Dropper is going to put you on your ass!"
Vert put a hand to her face. "Oh Goddesses, not this again. She spends one week in Glitch City for a convention, goes to some run down bar called VA11-Hall-A and suddenly she's a fucking bartender."
Blanc was still flipping the bottle and cartons of eggnog around, engrossed in her work as she mixed up a storm. Eventually, she walked away from the table, which was now full of glasses of semi-transparent eggnog.
"Blanc... How many glasses of spiked eggnog did you make?" Vert hadn't removed her hand yet.
"Yes."
Walking up to the table, I grabbed one of the many classes before taking a drink. Yup, tastes just as bad as I thought. "Wow." I said simply. "This is fucking awful."
Blanc flipped the bird at me as she drank straight from the vodka bottle. Everyone bar the minors approached the table with trepidation as I continued to drink this shite for no adequetely explained reason.
"Why are you drinking that anyway?" IF crept up on me from fucking nowhere, her own hand wrapped around a glass.
"Because. I hate myself. You're my girlfriend, you should know this." I explained, using a single finger to point at her as I took another drink.
"Fair point, but we've been a thing for what, 5 minutes and you're already being a prick. That's the Koei I know." She gave me another peck on the cheek, before realizing that we were in public and blushed extremely visibly. I too felt like a tomato I rubbed the back of my head.
"Damn, Iffy making the first move. Guess I owe Histy ten bucks." Neptune piped up, reminding me of what happened earlier.
"Christ on a bike, that reminds me. Any of you seen an older, hotter Neptune around lately? Ran into her and she took off like a fucking jet." I asked the crowd, who looked at each other and simultaneously shrugged.
"Aw man, and there's an alternate version of me. That's twenty bucks down the drain." Neptune sighed as she took a long drink of her laced eggnog. "Christmas fucking sucks."
"Imagine if they met up. The universe would collapse from sheer stupidity." Blanc ice burned Neptune so hard that I felt a chill down my spine as Neptune collapsed.
"My theory was it'd collapse from their metaness. Kinda like if Deadpool and Pinkie Pie had some abomination of a child." Nepgear piped up herself, causing Neptune to tuck her legs into the fetal position.
"I'm not an abomination..." Neptune muttered to herself. There goes her self-esteem. Big yikes.
"Alright ladies. Lay off the layabout, even if she deserves getting a few pegs taken down, she's still my boss' boss and I gotta respect that." I attempted to diffuse the situation before Neptune went full Heel due to perceived hatred of her.
As if a CPU would fall to darkness like that...
Yeah, you know where this is going, don't you?
"Considering I had to shelter a shit ton of people during the Siege of Planeptune, I think I know what happened, Koei." Jill's staring me in the eyes as I kept talking, my quest over and the world saved.
"Oh come on, we're getting to the fun part now. This is where I finally come into my own as a hero, find the other Artifacts and did I mention save the fucking world?" I wave my arms wildly as I continued to get shit-faced while chatting to Jill.
What? Guy can't get a drink while regaling his story, showing the framing device for this entire fanfiction?
Oh don't act surprised that I'm aware of the fourth wall. Protagonist Aura, remember? This is a fucking Neptunia fanfiction, if the main character isn't a fourth wall breaker, is it really a Neptunia fanfiction?
Right, let's reel it back. I won't have the ability to break the fourth wall until I truly awaken as a hero. You remember NEXT Forms? Well, I wouldn't say I'm that strong, but I get pretty close!
"Well, it's entertaining. A solid C for effort, F- for the actual story." Jill continued to clean out the glass she had been cleaning for the last few minutes. It's pristine. "That and I know you just want to pass the time before you go back home due to?"
"Eh, that's a spoiler." I wave my hand lazily. "We'll get there eventually, but for now let's get back to uh..."
"The Christmas party." Jill reminded me.
"Right. Sorry, it's a long story." I rubbed my head.
"You've been coming here for a solid week to tell me this story. Aside from the increased patronage, it's a pretty fuckin' long story. Between that and you staying here until closing, you've dumped some serious cash into not being at the Basilicom."
"I moved to an apartment. Same tower as Compa, actually." I took a drink of my Beer. "Iffy's great and all, but... Well, you'll see." I sighed as I emptied my glass. "Another Beer, and I'll continue this."
Jill nodded, grabbing a fresh glass to put Beer in as I adjusted my new jacket. "Unified by truth and justice, future knights we are..." I muttered as I felt the chill of nighttime Planeptune leak through the door. "Fucking hell Jill, how did I become Planeptune's champion?"
"Planeptune's fucked up, Koei." Jill put down the glass, as I gratefully took a drink. Taking out her notebook, Jill put down another mark on my tab. Pretty sure I had racked up at least 15,000 Credits in drink and I'm like, 2/3s through this story. "That and well, you're pretty talented at murder, it seems."
"True, true. Anyway, back to the carnage?"
With Neptune calmed to a state of non-genocidal sadness, we continued drinking, opting to not have a repeat of the Lowee Dropper incident and keeping the eggnog unspiked. This also meant the Candidates were able to have a refreshing glass of eggnog themselves without the FBI or whatever busting down the door. Still, this left me with the taste of EGG in my mouth. Like I'd been sucking a scotch egg for a week. Not particularly fowl, but I'd rather have the chicken, honestly.
Taking a bottle of beer out of my inventory, I cracked it open against the edge of the table before taking a long drink of it. Ah, that's the stuff.
"You just tanked a vodka-laced eggnog. As your girlfriend..." IF started.
"I should drink more, yes." I unfurled a finger, pointing to my current girlfriend. A ringing emminated from my UI Gloves before I could accomplish this, as I picked up the "phone".
"Koei Tech. We have a problem." Kei's voice echoed through the gloves as I took a drink. "Our Artifact has disappeared."
I spat out my drink. "Shit on it."
"Love to, but we don't have it." Kei replied. "Look, normally I wouldn't trust you with something actually important, but as Noire and Uni are attending a totally legitimate gun convention in Lowee..."
I glared at the Lastation CPU and Candidate, who understandably looked rather shamed at least. "Sure, I'll go do their job for them. That's what I do for Planeptune already." I said, taking time out to drink the rest of my beer. "I don't have to be sober for this, right?"
"Koei, at this point I'm convinced you run off drink." Kei replied, before putting the phone down.
"Well, fuck. Looks like I have a job to do." I sigh internally as I grabbed the near-empty bottle of vodka, spinning it around as I put it back into my inventory. "Sorry ladies, I have an Artifact to save." I state simply as I walk out the door. "Blanc, be a dear and make sure my Lowee duds arrive in the mail. You know where to send it." I closed the door behind me as I promptly fucked off. The door opened again as IF followed me out.
"Well, seems that turning my phone to silent was a bad idea. Got a call from the Guild, prisoner escaped from Leanbox and got to Lastation. To put it bluntly Ko-Ko, Shit's Fucked." IF caught me up as we headed to the subway.
"Aside from calling me Ko-Ko, I understood all of that." I replied as I quickened my pace, being sure to not bump into anyone this time. "Linda."
"Oh yeah, your other girlfriend." IF snarked as we headed into the subway. "How was she in Leanbox? You know I was busy with things in Planeptune at the time, so I appreciate you taking her down."
"Shocked you weren't at the peace conference, honestly." I realized finally. "Seems like your sort of thing."
"Yeah if my thing was politics I'd tell you. More a fan of giant women, to be honest." IF gave me a stare as I looked back in abject horror and slight horniness. "I'm kidding." She said finally.
"Shame. Sounds hot." I reply, not entirely lying. "I'll ask NepG if she can whip up a growth ray?"
IF punched me in the arm. "Alright, calm down macrophiliac. It'd never work out anyway, so let's just focus on the task at hand." She finished as the train rolled in. We had an Artifact to rescue from nefarious means.
Well, it might be Linda, so maybe not so nefarious.
One quick subway trip to Lastation later, I quickly realized that I have no idea where the fuck our villain of the day was. Looking at IF she grinned before pulling out one of her many phones and started making calls. "Hello. Yes, I did say I wanted a few days off, but this is a bit of an emergency now, isn't it?" Silence as we walked out of the subway as I pulled out my bandana to cover my mouth. "No idea of Regality's location? Damn. Keep me posted." She put the phone down before pulling out a different one and typing in a number.
Before she could finish typing in the new number, I patted her on the shoulder to get her attention. Without turning, she responded. "I'm a power user. That and it looks cool."
"Debatable. Isn't the Artifact of Lastation the Gauntlet of Fiery Passion, though?"
"That's a mistranslation of ancient Gamindustri texts. Turns out the translator mistook one kanji for a completely different one that just so happened to be a bit faded away. Histoire probably gave you the name before the books were corrected after it was found in some abandoned factory or other. It's roughly translated to the Gauntlet of Black Regality now."
"That was me who found it..."
"Well yes, but the public can't know that due to Uni know who not being public knowledge yet."
"They really need to get on that." I finished, leaving her to it as I looked around Lastation, more of a casual amble than the full on panicked sprint that we should be going at, but I wasn't complaining. Time with IF is time with IF, after all. Putting my hands in my pockets, we almost looked like tourists, which would probably help in not being spotted by the villain we were after.
A few moments of wandering later, we ended up back in the cafe I came to that day I helped Uni out with that derelict factory. Wait, shit. Shit. Shit.
"Wanna stop for a coffee?" IF asked me, unaware of what almost went down here a few days ago. Sighing, I nodded before heading to the counter. Hopefully the bandanna would cover enough of my face. Walking up to the counter, the nice lady from before was cleaning up some cups in the near empty cafe.
"One tea and one... Black coffee." I took a guess at what IF would drink as she turned around, almost surprised at my appearance.
"One tea and one black coffee coming right up, Koei." She said with a smile as I just stared back. Preparing the kettle, she got the requisite ingredients out of a nearby cupboard. "You've become a bit of a household name here in Lastation, you know." She offhandedly mentioned like it was nothing. "I mean, you annoyed Lady Black Heart into transforming, who then nearly killed you, then there's rumors of you two sleeping together. Makes for great chatter, so thanks for that."
I shrugged. "I guess. But nobody thinks that it is true or anything, right?"
The clerk politely giggled. "'Course not. Both the CPU and Oracle vehemently deny these claims and their word is absolute. Unless..." She winked at me.
"Koei, even think about doing anything but denying those claims and I will make it look like a suicide. I know people."
Fearing for my imminent death, I did just that. "I can 100% confirm that I did not have relations, sexual or otherwise with Noire."
"Yeah, thought so. Sucks to be you, though. Imagine getting with a CPU. That shit would make you the luckiest guy in Gamindustri."
I smiled. "I already am."
I felt an arm wrap around me. "You're not saying that because I just threatened your life, right?"
I put a hand to my chin. "Well, partially because I don't want to be Compa's next autopsy project, partially because I am a lucky guy for landing a cutie like you." I span around to give the chunni a peck on the cheek for once, causing her to turn crimson. "How's the coffee and tea coming?"
"Oh, they're done, I just like seeing you two banter, as it's cute. Consider it on the house, even." The clerk replied, placing two disposable cups onto the counter. "Thought that VerBlanc was going to be the hot new relationship, but you two have pizzaz."
Oh god she's a shipper. "R-right. Thanks for the hot drinks, lass." I took the cups, giving the coffee to IF as I held onto the tea as we left. She was nice enough, but we had things to do anyway.
"Black coffee, huh?" IF remarked as we wandered Lastation, waiting for one of her contacts to get back to her on the whereabouts of Regality. "Not my favourite, but it's good enough. Maybe add a smidge of sugar and a dab of milk next time, though." She took a drink, before nearly choking on it. "Fuck."
I turned around in a panic, nearly spilling hot tea onto myself. "You alright?" I asked worriedly.
"Yeah. Protip: Lastation is known for strong coffee. Planeptune... Less so." IF coughed into her sleeve. "Black Lastation coffee is pretty famous for knocking unprepared tourists on their ass. I used to drink this all the time, but then there was a scandal about caffeinated drinks when someone stayed up for a week straight on Doc Tear Popper. "
"You say scandal but I assume Compa just rode your ass every time she caught you drinking coffee." I took a drink of tea. Should have asked for a sugar or two.
"She's kind of where my overprotectiveness comes from, yeah..." IF took the time to rub the back of her head, cheeks turning rosy. "D-Don't tell her I said that. Or that she "rode my ass", either. There was this one time at Powerlevel Island, but-"
Ringing came from my UI gloves. Answering the call, I put the glove to my ear, despite it being an unknown number. "You've reached Koei Tech, local sociopath. Who can I murder for you today?"
"Well, you still are as irritating as ever. Meet me at Time Splitter LTD I have the info you need." A familiar voice said before hanging up.
I blinked. "Iffy, I think we need to head to a derelict factory to meet someone I hate and I will probably regret it. You up for it?"
With a simple nod, we headed off.
You know, a lot of things point back to that day I first got Peace and Tranquility. Nearly got shot by a giant spider mecha and got to look up Uni's skirt. Good times.
... I'm so glad IF can't read my thoughts like Neptune can.
"I'm shocked you're still with IF after all this."
"Yeah and I'm sure you've never had "taken" men make eyes at you. You're kinda hot, you know."
"... I'm cutting you off. Make this part quick before you fuck this up even more."
"Fine. But you know, if it doesn't work out between IF and I..."
"I'm legally obligated to inform you that I own a gun and am not afraid to use my second amendment rights."
"... Jill, we're in Gamindustri, where one of the patron deities carries a custom built rifle and another has a beam sword that doubles as a laser cannon. I don't think you need second amendment rights."
"It's more of a legal defense if I have to use it, Cassanova. Now, back to the story. Your Beer's running low and it seems like you're about to get to the good bit."
"I am, actually!"
Still, the lock wasn't replaced, but that didn't matter as there was a figure lurking outside, being all menacing and stuff. Walking up to them, their grey hoodie gave their identity right away.
"You know Linda, if you want to be inconspicuous, don't wear a hoodie that nobody in the history of humanity has worn before. Also maybe do something about that corpse-grey skin." I snarked as I came across my old nemesis.
"You want the info or not, Koei." Linda pulled down her hood. "Not in a good mood, so make your answer snappy."
"Any leads on the whereabouts of Regality would be greatly appreciated. Hell, if your info is correct, I might even refrain from informing the authorities of your location." IF bargained, trying to sweeten the potential deal.
"Oh don't try to pretend like you didn't already call the CPUs on me as soon as I called." Linda snarked again, looking away. "Look, I had Regality, but it got stolen."
IF sighed. "Right, so you don't know who has it?"
Linda grinned back. "No, I do. She's right behind you."
Aw fuck. Quickly pulling out Serenity as I turned, I barely guarded against a metal fist going to my face, but it launched me into the building, thankfully avoiding any walls along the way at least.
Walking into the building, light glinting off their gauntlet, the unknown assailant made themselves known. It was the Neptune from earlier, now sporting Regality on her right arm. "Boss lady wants you dead, Koei. Nothing personal."
"Well it's personal to me, bitch." IF unleashed a Demon Flame at the larger protagonist, who blocked it easily with her black armoured arm.
"Okay. Okay. Can we time out for a minute here? THE FUCK IS GOING ON." I was quickly losing patience and needed answers before I started shooting people.
Neptune shrugged. "Well, I was sent here to kill and or delay you, so what the heck. I work for someone. She doesn't like you doing hero things and generally trying to stop her plan by gathering the Artifacts."
"But... I don't even know who that could be." I tilted my head.
"And that's why she wants you dead before you become a legitimate threat." She continued to exposit, while pointing over to the person who led me here. "Linda over there was bait, knowing that your feud with her would draw you out. In exchange for this lovely little gauntlet, I let Linda escape prison using interdimensional rifts. With me so far?"
"Aside from how you got the gauntlet, yes."
"Ah, that's just a simple heist. Not good at the whole thievery thing and you can't just interdimensional rift your way around a Basilicom. Something to do with Sharicite. So I did the next best thing, broke a convicted thief out of prison and let her steal it for me! Literally took five minutes. I'm such a genius."
"And you didn't try to kill me in Lowee because it was populated?" I hypothesize.
"Hmm? Nah, I just didn't know who you were. That and my job was to retrieve some Guild info about you. Name, occupation, criminal record, all that business."
Should have seen that coming. "That sounds like something Neptune would do. But... You keep talking about rifts..."
"Yeah, that's my little book fairy dudette named Croire. Surprised you know about them, considering they're only open for seconds at a time. Unless you mean the bigger, more uncontrolled ones."
"We do." IF was now pointing her katar at Neptune from behind her. "Spill before your blood does."
"Jeez, I just wanted to explain my motive, didn't know this was an interrogation. Look, those more uncontrolled rifts aren't my doing. Croire doesn't have that kind of power, or at least not while in my NepNote. Is that enough for you?"
I shrug. "Sure. We were at the part where you're trying to kill me."
Neptune pointed at me in realization. "Riiiiight. Again, nothing personal. Just business."
I nodded. "Same to you. Iffy, you ready?"
"Always, Kopey." She smiled, before backflipping over our joint enemy to land next to me. "That coffee gave me a lot of energy to burn. And I don't know if you know this, but I do like myself some fire spells." She stated as Neptune jovially got into a battle stance.
Koei and IF
Vs.
Neptune (Ultradimension?)
Ready?
FIGHT!
We stood, staring each other down before Neptune reached into her pocket and- SHIT
Shoving IF to the floor, I dived in the opposite direction as Neptune pulled out a fucking pistol and started firing. Thankfully due to my quick reflexes, neither of us were shot.
"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked, before getting a deadpan stare from both IF and Neptune.
"Dude." Neptune said simply. "I'm an interdimensional mercenary who specializes in cross-dimensional missions. Why the fuck would I not have at least a gun?"
"That and you have two yourself." IF added.
I stared back. "And now the element of surprise is gone." I pulled out Peace and fired off a few shots, forcing Neptune out of the entrance as I got back up.
"So you were intending on using Peace and Tranquility on me!" Neptune yelled as she rushed back in, swiftly dodging my shots as she closed the distance, the glint on her left arm tipping me off on her intention.
"Well, mostly as a distraction because I can't aim, but yes!" Ducking under a katana swipe, the feel of cold metal on my right arm stopped me from countering. Looking back up, Neptune had gripped the arm I had Peace in with her gauntlet-clad hand.
"You really need to work on your aim, Koei... Demon Flame!" IF cast, forcing Neptune to let go, shoving me to the ground as flames erupted from the ground. "Or just stick to being a Spellblade."
"Having variety got me this far, didn't it?" I asked, swiftly dodging a punch from Neptune as I fired a few shots of Peace, one actually nailing her in her left arm, forcing her down to one knee as she held it.
"Dammit! It's like that bullet had a freakin' taser in it!" Neptune forced her metal fingers to pull out the bullet before tossing it aside, it apparently not penetrating her skin enough to cause a wound. Getting back up, she pulled out a katana, the Neptune stap- why does she have two.
Spinning the twin blades around, Neptune smugly grinned. "Most thieves stick to daggers and I don't blame them. They're small, portable and easily dual-wieldable. Katanas are none of these, but I like the challenge!" She charged, preparing to slice overhead with both blades. I countered with Serenity, but the strength of both blades combined was enough to force the blade away. Thankfully it was enough to stop the katanas from striking, but barely.
"Dammit Iffy, back me up here!" I yelled as I continued to counter Neptune's barrage of blades, before eventually giving up on waiting for her and countering her myself with a punch to the stomach during a brief moment of weakness. Neptune collapsed to the floor in pain, not expecting the dirty shot to her organ.
"Ugh..." She moaned as I took a moment to breathe, looking around the warehouse for IF. But she was nowhere to be found.
"I-Iffy?" I ask, worry in my voice as I started to jog outside, the immediate threat dealt with. She was still gone.
"I... She's gone?" I fell to my knees. I got so caught up in the fight that I forgot about Linda, who probably smacked Iffy with her pipe while looking for a chance to strike.
"And that is the magic of friendship." Neptune wheezed, still clutching at her stomach, lurched over as she walked up next to me.
I responded in the most reasonable manner possible. Spinning around, I slammed my clenched right fist into her face, knocking her over as I stepped on her chest and pulled out Peace again, aiming for her face.
"Where is she?" I asked simply.
Neptune was silent for a moment, aside from the groaning. "W-well, remember what I said?"
"I don't have time for guessing games. Neither do you if you don't want to see if my sword can penetrate a skull." I threatened. I was beyond pissed, not just at the purple lump currently beneath my feet, but at myself for being so dense as to fall for this shit.
"You're no fun." Neptune pouted, not taking her own life being threatened seriously. "My job was to kill and or delay you. All I needed to do was get you out of Lowee for a while. Bonus points if I could get that Guild member too."
I dug my shoe into her chest. "This sounds great. Continue."
"I don't really need to." Neptune coughed, struggling to breath with the pressure on her. "You should be getting a call right about... Now."
As if on cue, my UI Gloves started ringing. Keeping Peace trained at her head, I used my other hand to answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Koei! G-goodness, it's awful!" Nepgear's panicked voice cried from the other end. "Me and the other Candidates went to get more eggnog from the kitchen and now they're gone! Our sisters and Vert are gone! What do we do?!"
"I... Iffy's gone, too. Head to the Planeptune Basilicom, all of you. We'll figure things out from there." I said, before putting the phone down.
I looked down at Neptune, who simply had a shit-eating grin. "Mission complete. Now, if you'll excuse m- MPH."
I shoved Peace into her open mouth. "Okay. I'm done fucking about. You've taken my friends. You've taken my girlfriend. And pretty soon you're going to be taking the piss. Tell me who you work for, because it's about time I started adding names to my "To-Die" list."
I removed Peace from her mouth in order to let her breathe a little easier. "Uzume. Uzume Tennoboushi. Also that was overly edgy, even for someone of your caliber."
I took my foot off of Neptune as she got back up. "Alright. Until you tell me all of what you know, you're going to be under my watch."
Neptune looked at me. "What is stopping me exactly from pulling out my NepNote, getting Crosty and getting the hell away from you?"
I pulled out Serenity. "I assume your NepNote is made of paper, right?" With a thought, it started to glow red as it superheated. "Say, what does fire do to paper?"
Neptune looked around for a way for her to escape, before realizing that she had no real way to leave without risking her means of interdimensional travel. "Alright. Fine. You got me."
I blinked. "What?"
Neptune sighed. "Look, the truth is that I didn't want to fight you. I didn't want any of this to happen. But Uzume... She's threatening something of mine more important than my life. I had to work for her. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I'm sorry about your friends, too." She put a hand on my shoulder. "You know a Neptune would never have any malice. For anyone. Believe me when I say that now that her plan is in action, I want to help you fight it."
I shoved her hand away from my shoulder. "Frankly, I don't fucking believe you as far as I can throw you." I state simply, anger coursing through my veins as I started to walk away.
"Koei. I know who you are. You know if you walk away from me, you're dooming Gamindustri to destruction. Everything will be alright as long as you emb-"
I pointed Peace right at her. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You're not allowed to say that. You have not earned the right to-"
Neptune took off Regality and threw it at me, landing at my feet. "Take it." she said simply, "That's an Artifact of Lastation, the genuine article. It wasn't just bait, Koei. You're going to need it."
Picking it up, it had been cleaned up since I saw it last, meaning that it looked more like an Artifact and less like a random piece of armor. Examining it, I eventually found the name etched around the ruby on the back of the hand. "Regality".
This was the genuine article. Putting it in my inventory, I simply had one thing to say. "Why?"
Neptune looked up at the decaying ceiling. "It's as you say, isn't it? Everyone deserves a second chance."
I put my hands in my pockets as I walked back towards Neptune. "I get it now. You're a clever one, aren't you."
Neptune gave a sad smile. "Well, when you've been the hero in as many versions of Gamindustri as I have... Well, you learn from failure. A lot. I'm sorry I couldn't help you more on your first playthrough." She put her hands in her pockets. "You did a lot of things right. You reformed villains before they could become threats, you befriended Iffy, even more than that."
"How did I go out, Neptune?" I asked simply.
"You stuck to your guns. You fought as hard as you could. A little too hard... Turns out the only person you couldn't give a second chance to was the most important of all."
I stayed silent for a few moments. "And you're sure I'm the only one who can save Gamindustri at this point?"
Neptune nodded her head. "I don't have Protagonist Aura in this timeline. Neither does Nep Jr. I'm sorry, Koei. I know this is a lot to take in."
I shrug. "This entire thing in general is. I've lost Iffy, the CPUs..."
Neptune put a hand on my shoulder. "Go find the Buckler of Graceful Hurricanes. the Oracle of Leanbox will be able to help you find it. Save your friends, then save the world."
Neptune proceeded to open a rift in space and leave before I could respond, leaving me with the Lastation Artifact in my inventory. Sorry Noire, but I think I will need this more than you will.