Clean and free of every last sand particle, Kairi pulled a brush through her freshly dried hair as she appreciated how kind every strand was being as it fell perfectly into place. She fastened her jeans and rolled a thin cardigan over her bright yellow t-shirt, flicking her hair out of the collar. A polite knock on her door drew her attention and she called out permission for the other to enter. The door whined as Tsu stepped inside, her mouth wide with enthusiasm.
"It sounds like there's going to be a concert on the public side of the beach," she told her slowly. "I know today was already exhausting for you, but the others are really excited to go and we were all hoping to go."
"A concert? Who's playing?"
"I'm not sure it's that kind of concert. I think it's some band that's locally famous around here. Yaoyorozu says they regularly have beach concerts here in the summer, especially when school is out. She says most of them are pretty good." Her stomach stretched and feet began to shift quickly. Kairi swallowed roughly.
"Everyone wants to go?"
"Seems that way, but no one is going to make you. I think Todoroki was glad to be able to join everyone in something." She felt tighter, guilt growing.
"Oh... so, um, what's the scene like?"
"Yaoyorozu said there's a lot of kids our age, but there are some college age as well." The vice tightened. Her breaths became bigger, deeper with tension. The crowd would be intense. And tight. The private beach had been easier because it was less people, but there was going to be so many. Cramped, unable to move. Body odor escalating and she could find room to breathe in. Bodies jostling, banging into each other. Kairi pictured the noise, and overlapping cacophony of hollers, clapping, screams and shouts of joy in between moments of singing. The bass from the music would infect her heart and create its beat. It would be an emotional moment for so many reasons. She could get into it and that would help to lift the atmosphere. More likely, she would become overwhelmed and make everyone anxious. That close of proximity, they couldn't handle it. They would get restless, which would agitate everyone around her.
Throat closing, Kairi gulped in her air. Hands reached for the edge of the set of drawers, stabilizing herself over it. Tsu quickly padded over to her and pressed a hand to her wrist.
"Are you okay, Hoshino?" she asked. Her fingers against Kairi's arm were shaking and growing white as well, as her anxiety reflected back.
"I'm fine, I just... don't want to think about... It's okay."
"You don't need to go to the concert. We just wanted to invite you because we thought it would be fun."
"I know, I appreciate that I just..." Her nose wrinkled, disturbed by the feel of starch in her mouth. The insides of her mouth ached as she forced out the words. Gut rolled and twisted. She flexed her fingers, urging the color to come back to her fingers. "That's... a lot of people and... I don't know... I don't... I can't, um... Could you..."
"Kairi, breathe. Take your time." Her hand fell against her back and seemed to draw her breathing, guiding their motion. With the touch of comfort to steady her, Kairi forced her breaths to slow and diverted her eyes to look for anything to draw her attention. Something to calm her mind. Anything to distract her.
"Tsu?" came a masculine voice from the open door. Shoto paused and entered when he took a moment to assess the situation. "Kairi, are you hurt at all?"
"No..." she whispered.
"I asked her about the concert and..."
"She got anxious?" Shoto guessed, keeping close to the door frame and holding the distance between them. Tsu nodded and his dual-colored eyes moved to her arched frame, analyzing the stance she took. "Kairi, can you breathe?" She nodded, but couldn't hide the raggedness as she pushed out a slow breath. "Five things." Tsu's eyes questioned him. "Trust me."
"The... lamp. The window, the... bed. The mirror, and my suitcase."
"Four things."
"This dresser..." The pressure of Tsu's hand on her back reminded her. "Tsu. The... floor." One hand flew to the rough material against her leg. "My jeans." The knot began to uncoil. Breathing soothed and her throat burned less. Fingers loosened their hold against the set of drawers.
"Three."
"The water rushing outside. The wind. The birds." She looked over to Shoto, who merely blinked. She swallowed and straightened herself. "I can smell the bay outside, and the shampoo in my hair from the shower." Her muscles unwound and her body felt exhausted. Her chest levelled and she rose to her full height again, looking at Shoto gratefully.
"And what do you taste?"
"Pieces of chicken left over from dinner. I need to brush my freakin' teeth." Tsu smiled and Shoto rolled his eyes lightly. "Thank you, Shoto."
"You're welcome. It's fine, Tsu. Tell everyone they can go to the concert. I'll stay with Kairi."
"No!" Kairi immediately said, her throat filling with her stomach again. "Tsu said you wanted to go, I can't have you do that, Shoto."
"It's fine, I'm certain we can find a game to play or something. It doesn't even seem like a band I would listen to, by what Yaomomo said," he dismissed, acting as if he had no care for the issue.
"No, Shoto! You couldn't swim, I'm not going to have you miss out on this too!"
"It isn't fair to leave you home alone."
"There's the staff and... and..." Desperate thoughts flitted away and all that filled the space was blankness.
"I'm perfectly fine watching more of that show you wanted me to watch."
"No! No, because I'm... going to go!" The words hissed through her mouth and the acid taste burned. But the second they were in the air, she clung to them with assured determination, and they could both feel it.
"You don't want to go to the concert." Shoto stated.
"Yes! Yes I do!" she protested. Pressure built in her again, but she kept her focus on her friend in front of her, Tsu's voice echoing in her brain that he wanted to go. She wouldn't keep him. Not after everything she had done to him. Not after everything he had done for her. Images of heavy crowds threatened to stir her up again, but the need to fulfill Shoto's want was greater. Thinking of how she would keep him from fun, it split her open and caused her grief. "I can't get past anything if I don't work past them, right?"
"Yes, but in small amounts. This sounds like it will be a huge crowd, Kairi. Have you seen that beach?" Heart pulsed quickly, and she whimpered. Eyes shut and she took in a warm breath.
"My friends will be there. That's enough." The courage to say such things without stuttering impressed her so she looked over Shoto and Tsu with saucer-wide eyes. Another swallow was met with a roughness in her chest. Fingers fidgeted behind her back but her feet didn't move from her firmly planted spot. "I'm going, Shoto! That's it, and you can't change my mind!" He blinked as Tsu looked between them, waiting for some response.
"Yeah, I can tell I won't," he smirked. "I'll tell everyone else. We'll head down in a half hour to get good spots." He turned and left the room. Once he had gone was when the confidence shattered and Kairi fell against the edge of her bed. Palms pressed against each other while she tapped her foot quickly. Tsu, sensing how she felt, sat beside her on the bed.
"Are you really going to go?" she asked.
"I have to! I can't have Shoto stay behind!"
"Maybe I could stay behind?"
"No one is staying behind!" Kairi blurted, surprising Tsu. "No, no, I need to... I have to... I need to get ready! I need to find something... a nice shirt, a dress, a... are these jeans...? No... Oh, I haven't been to a concert since I was... what does one..."
"Kairi..." Her tense fingers reached for her hands. "I'm here. Breathe... what was it that Todoroki had you do? Naming things? I'll do it with you. Then, I'll help you get ready, ribbit. It will be okay."
Regret set in with Kairi realized why media portrayed those who identify as female would often pack so many clothes. She didn't have enough, and wasn't even sure what sort of concert it would be. Thoughts tangled as she mentally beat herself for not preparing her for every event, but Tsu talked softly and assured her the sundress she had packed that Momo had practically forced her to buy would do just fine. A square neck, it thankfully covered all the scary bits and had short flutter sleeves. The cream-colored length of the dress fell to her knees and was freckled with light purple roses all over it. Momo loaned her jeweled barrette to pull back the blue strip in her hair and Kairi focused a bit of time applying light cosmetic to her eyes. Feeling slightly less anxious about her looks, she steadied herself enough to find the confidence to step out of her room. She met with her friends at the door and froze at the sight of them, feeling instantly plain.
Uraraka was wearing a short flowy dress, pale pink with spaghetti straps. A cute headband completed her look. Tsu had decided on a green blouse with a white skirt that almost shimmered as she moved. Her long hair had been pulled up and there was actually a trace of eyeliner on her face. Momo wore a sweetheart vintage dress, with an incredibly puffy skirt. White, with large red flowers spread over it, there was no denying the dress cost a fortune. Her hair had been rolled into a fancy bun and she shone with radiance. The men may not have taken the concert quite as far, but they had dressed up for the event. Iida wore a pale blue dress shirt tucked into a pair of freshly pressed slacks, while Izuku wore a white button up with pleated khaki pants. Aoyama, of course, was by far the most dressed up of the boys – his dress shirt was lavender and faintly glimmering, hanging loose over a pair of flawless white pants. Shoto appeared behind them, the last to meet with the crowd. He wore jeans and a t-shirt. But the jeans were clean, looked almost brand new, and he wore a nice black denim jacket over his shoulders, rolling up the sleeves to their elbows. Kairi breathed slowly again. At least someone dressed a little more casually than she did. Bare arms crossed in front of her chest and her right hand reached to cover the wrinkled scarring on her left elbow. It had long healed and was clean, however she would feel self-conscious about wearing anything with short sleeves again. Kairi turned to smile at Shoto and then guilt hit her. It could be far worse. It could have been on her face where it would always be noticeable. And Shoto didn't seem concerned with his scar, so why couldn't she ignore her own?
"Let's head on down to the concert!" Uraraka announced ecstatically.
"Quickly, but in an organized fashion, single-file!" Iida added with pride. Ignoring any word he said, the rest of the group pushed at each other to pile into the limo Momo had requested to pick them all up. It only took a few moments for the limo to pull around to the public side of the beach where it pulled over on the edge of the road, stopping just before the landing that led to the wooden stairs. With a thank, Momo led the group out the vehicle and they excitedly clamored to the steps built into the hill that cut off the beach from the road. Uraraka hung out closely beside a scarlet Izuku who couldn't fight a wide grin.
"Can't you just feel the excitement in the air!" Aoyama said, prancing his way down the steps with far more grace that Kairi felt she could ever master. Still some distance from the beach, she looked over the vastness of the sand and already began to see a smattering of young folk congregating before a platform with a set of drums and microphones on it. Large black boxes sat on the corners of the stage, a sure sign it was going to be loud. Her chest already echoed the sound of the drums they would be hearing soon. She rolled her fingers into her palms to hide the residue her anxiety was forming. An invisible cord pulled against her throat, but her legs still moved. Breathing drowned out the calls of the birds against the sunset and the muffled laughter and excited cries from the beach.
"If this is too much for you, you're more than welcome to turn back," Iida told her politely, though his tight expression revealed too much about how much of her own emotions he was feeling. "Would you like me to escort you back?"
"No..." she breathed slowly. "No I want... I want you to... to have fun."
"Hoshino?" Tsu said, pulling back. Weights pulled at her feet as she mentally begged them to move. Move they did, but it was slow. Her friends fussing over her, the tension building, it was big enough to alert her friends to her. Even as she tried to stabilize her heavy wheezing, they could already tell how she was feeling by what she was projecting. A sick guilt dropped in her again.
"I'm fine, please just go!" she snapped, jerking her arm around from Tsu's comforting touch.
"You really don't have to..." Momo told her quietly. "It's okay, I promise it is."
"Yeah, we're not in any rush!" Uraraka warmly said as she grabbed Izuku's shoulder and urged him to stop. "We don't even have to go to the concert." Izuku nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, we'll even all go back to the house if you want," he replied, a smile straining against the overspill of her anxiety.
"Maybe we could head to get some dinner at lovely restaurant in the city?" Aoyama suggested. "It would be quite a shame to get all dressed up and have not a reason for it. Of course, I always look glamorous, but you look trés belle, Hoshino and such beauty should not go unnoticed." While the compliment stirred a gentle flutter in her, it did nothing to dissipate the discomfort.
"No, that would only make it worse!" Kairi cried. She pivoted quickly, searching for anyway to escape or something to get out of this situation. "Making you stay behind would cause me more damage than going to the concert! No I'm..." Eyes jumped to the crowd forming with terror. Guilt restrained her when she looked at the concerned people around her. Shoto remained quiet, but a stern expression showed he was waiting for her answer without judgment. Her body whipped back, looking at the limo that still sat there. At this point, she would feel awful if she sat at home alone. She would feel awful if one person sat with her. Being in the crowd would cause her to feel terrible, but so would everyone staying behind with her. No option presented complete bliss – she was bound to suffer the aches and the stress with any option. Even if she was alone she wouldn't really be alone – the staff would be there. She would suffer, and others would suffer. A sigh pulled her down and offered her answer. At least a concert could give her an opportunity to enjoy herself with time, and her friends could have the opportunity as well. Kairi shook as she swallowed the fear and let it sit in her gut.
"No. Let's go," she muttered through clenched teeth. Shoto asked her with a raise of one brow. "I'm sure. It will be okay, eventually." Amber eyes found the green eyes of Izuku again and softened her chest at a slight. "It can't be worse than someone almost dying on us, can it?"
"Yeah!" he smiled warmly, and Shoto smirked at the response. Aoyama, surprisingly, offered a warm hand to her.
"Might I slowly escort you to the beach, mademoiselle?" he said kindly. The gesture was dramatic enough to elicit a laugh from Kairi, and it kneaded out a portion of the nerves surging through her. Kairi pressed her fingers against his.
"Enchanté," she winked. "That's... how you say it, right?"
"Qui!" he laughed. He pulled her hand so they linked arms and allowed everyone else around them to pass. The two moved steadily as the rest pushed into the crowd and scouted for a spot. Momo glanced back over to them and Shoto slowed his pace. Uraraka jumped up from the crowd, declaring she found a great spot. Kairi's heart thumped.
"Would you prefer to stay in the back?" Aoyama asked. She quickly shook her head.
"No. I want to be with my friends. I don't want them to be in the back for my sake. I want to enjoy a normal concert like a normal girl with normal friends."
"I'm dreadfully sorry to tell you I am far from normal. I am fantastic!"
"That you are, Aoyama," she giggled, feeling even lighter. The attention they gave to her, despite how much anxiety was spilling onto them, had warmed her soul and was working to push aside her negative feelings. The nerves were still active and felt restricting, but they were reaching a manageable level. The color returned to her knuckles and the shaking in her wrists paused.
"Coming through! Very important man and lady walking through!" he yelled powerfully as those around their age and older turned to give them an odd look. Kairi blushed, but the confidence Aoyama displayed as he weaved them amongst the concertgoers pulled out a gentle chuckle or two from her, stabilizing her emotions. Instead, she timed her inhales and exhales, pushing her focus into breathing instead of the numbers that stared at her. Trust was the decision she made and closed her eyes.
Aoyama dropped her arm when they stopped and she slowly lifted each eye individually. Pride swelled as her mind gathered the facts; she was in the middle of a crowd. She had made it from the house to a huge gathering. She was here, now, and all she would have to do is standing, jump, and have fun with the friends who were surrounded around her.
"I did it," she said under her breath.
"Yeah you did!" Uraraka squealed, throwing her arms to her in a casual hug. Iida reached over her and patted the top of Kairi's dark brown hair.
"You got through the crowd. But if anything happens, remember, we are right here!" he told her.
"If you need anything, like a stress ball or a paper bag to breathe in, I can make it for you quick," Momo reminded politely.
"I can slap people with my tongue if they get too close," Tsu offered with a mischievous smile. Kairi soared internally at their amusing offers.
"Nobody is watching you; all eyes are on the stage," Izuku reminded. Aglow, she looked around to the grow of friends that surrounded her, as if a shield from those who cause a panic. Protected and comforted, her core burst with pride adoration for those on either side of her.
"You guys are amazing," she breathed emotionally, a flick of moisture clinging to her lashes. Spooking her for half a second, a stroke crept up her fingertips before the warmth of a hand locked against hers. Instinct turned her and Shoto had cut between her and Momo.
"In case you pass out, so I can catch you," he explained. She grinned, her ample cheeks filling with red. "Let me know if you need to leave and we'll leave."
"Thanks," she said, shaking at the sound of the crowd's call to the band stepping out. "But I think I would like to know what it's like to have a regular night out with some friends." Just as the band began, her anxiety did spike – but it only lasted half a song. Soon, her heart fell in line with the beat of the drums and she inhaled deeply the smells around her – the salt air drifting around them, the sweat of thumping bodies around them, the faint scent of liquor from the older crowd that freckled between them, and the lingering smoke from the minor pyrotechnics from the stage. This would be her memory scent for Fun.