***A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! The following chapter contains a possible trigger. If your are sensitive on certain topics that may be triggering, please PM me for details before you read. Thank you!

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Chapter 24 – Crumbs

I never understood all those sappy chick flicks when the broken-hearted woman would sit in her PJs all day, crying, while eating ice cream straight from the container. Who would fucking do that? But after Bella ripped my heart out and left me pathetically withering on the floor, I realized that I was one of those sappy chicks. I didn't have any ice cream, but I was sure as hell going to eat all of Rosalie's chips while lounging in my underwear and over-contemplating my empty existence.

I did get up when I was supposed to everyday; I took my shower, even managed to brush my teeth. I went to work and faked smiles as people passed, but the moment I got home I would immediately strip, let the crumbs of my chips fall where they may – just like the crumbs of my broken heart – and I just wallowed. It was pathetic, but I had built my life around Bella. I had altered and bent and molded my own personality to fit each of hers so much that without her, I was left with nothing but a hollow shell. Who was I anymore? I honestly didn't know.

The only solace I found during those first few weeks, was Jasper. Taking care of that damn cat had become my sole purpose. I had to keep working to support him. I forced myself to periodically go to the store because he needed food and more litter, and while I was there, I figured I might as well get myself the groceries I had run out of too.

It went on like that day after miserable day. I texted Bella a few times since we had been apart, just to make sure she was okay, but she never responded. I never meant to drive past her bookstore, but I often did, and each time I had to fight an intense urge to go inside and talk to her. Somehow, I managed to refrain, but with each passing, and each unanswered text, I was getting deeper and deeper into my pathetic funk. Even I was getting sick of myself, and poor Jasper looked at me with so much disappointment, but I honestly couldn't shake my heartbreak. I just couldn't find any blue skies after that storm that blew away my entire world.

I had no idea how long it could possibly go on like that, but then one day, as I was torturing myself by watching stupid sappy romantic chick-flicks and feeling sorry for myself, the lock on my door began to jiggle.

"What the heck?" I said to Jasper. He wasn't concerned, but I got up slowly and just stood there like a dumbass, waiting for whatever would come through that door. It could have been an ax murderer… or just my apartment manager. Was I late with rent? I honestly couldn't come up with a single other possibility; I was either going to die or get kicked out of my home. At the moment, I wasn't quite sure which scenario was worse.

But when the door creaked open, and I saw her perfect face peek in, I had an absolute avalanche of emotions dump onto me all at once.

"Hey babe," she said casually as she came inside and dropped her purse on the counter like it was no big deal. She smiled at me and sauntered over, before throwing her arms around my neck and immediately kissing me.

After her extended absence from my life, to suddenly have her lips on mine like that honestly felt like a dream. I couldn't help but kiss her back with a desperateness I had never experienced before. It was completely surreal, but as the kiss deepened and she started going for my pants, the reality of the situation hit me like a wrecking ball.

"Hold on," I murmured as I struggled to pull back. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts and take a good look at her before I even knew who she was. "Alice," I whispered, and then took one more painful step away from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, genuinely confused.

"I… we… you haven't been here," I mumbled, stumbling over my words.

"Oh, I know," she said with annoyance. "That bitch, Rosalie, has been keeping us locked up tight. Tanya and Bree have both been crying, but she refuses to let either of them out. I'm lucky I even got past her. Moment of weakness on her part. Don't worry, I've gotten stronger and I'm sure I can hold on for a bit."

"Alice, it's been almost a month," I told her softly.

"A month? Wow, I didn't even realize. Damn! I'm seriously going to kick Rose's ass next time we are in the theater together. Stupid fucking bitch!"

"Bella broke up with me," I then told her, not exactly sure how she would react.

She surprisingly rolled her eyes. "I know. She is ridiculous. I'm sure she will get over it eventually," she said unconcerned, before reaching for my pants again. "Take me to bed before I explode."

"Alice," I whispered while gently restraining her hands. "We can't do this."

"What?" she asked perplexed. "Why not?"

"Bella broke up with me," I repeated, having a legitimately hard time getting the words out.

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with us?" she questioned.

"I have to respect her decision," I nearly whimpered as the words came out of my mouth.

"What are you saying?" Alice asked; her tone somewhere between shock and anger. "You don't want to see me anymore?"

"Of course I want to see you… but I can't," I told her regretfully.

"Just because Bella broke up with you, doesn't mean we have to stop seeing each other," she argued. "I saw all kinds of men that Bella didn't. She doesn't care who I fuck."

"Yes, she does care," I disagreed. "And I can't do that to her."

"You honestly think Bella would rather me go back to fucking strangers?"

"No, I don't think she would prefer that, but I also can't continue with you. It's too hard."

"Why is it too hard? Because you'll just miss Bella when you're with me? So, it's always been about her then, hasn't it? Did you ever even love me for me?" she asked angrily, but it was clear to me that her anger was just a mask for the hurt I was causing her, and causing her pain was devastating to me. I was both devastated for her, and for myself. I would have loved to give her what she wanted and hope that one day Bella would come around and we could go back to the way it was, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't force it on her like that. If Bella ever did come back to me, it would have to be because she was ready, and it was what she wanted. I had to respect her decision.

"Alice, I'm so sorry," I told her emotionally.

I expected her to just get pissed and leave, but she absolutely flabbergasted me when her anger abruptly melted, and she began begging…

"Edward, please; please don't leave me. I'm sorry for what happened at the beach. I promise you, I'll be good from now on. I won't pressure you to have sex when you don't want to. I'll be the perfect girlfriend. You'll never have to worry about me again. I'll always be true to you, just like I have been since the day we met. I swear, I haven't even considered sleeping with anyone else. I only said that stupid shit before because I was upset, but it will never happen again. Edward please…"

I didn't realize that I was slowly shaking my head no as she spoke, but she only became more desperate.

"Edward, I love you. You're the only person I could ever truly count on. Please. Please, just keep me."

Her words cut like a dagger to my heart. I squeezed my eyes shut to brace myself from our combined pain, but she took that expression as my resolve.

"Fine," she said, wiping her tears and returning to her previous anger. "You're right. It's better this way. I should have never trusted you!"

Something abruptly caught her attention behind me, and she was immediately in motion. I couldn't help but let my eyes follow her, but it was just one more strike to my heart when I watched her scoop up the cat.

"Come on, Jazzy. Daddy doesn't love us anymore. Mommy will take care of you for now on. Don't you worry your sweet little whiskers off. I'll take you to a better home."

She wouldn't look at me again as she grabbed Jasper's favorite toy mouse from the couch, and she swiftly left the apartment.

Just like that, I was alone. Utterly alone. I didn't even have the damn cat left to worry about anymore.

It fucking sucked.

…

Somehow, time continued to pass. The miserable month without Bella turned into two, and then three. There was no word from any of them, and the pain I felt from the heartbreak was beginning to wane into a dull numbness.

I would always love Bella, but I needed to try my best to pick myself up and move on with my life.

"Chelsea," Garrett said out of the blue as he approached my desk at work.

"Bless you," I replied, thinking he just sneezed in an awkward way.

"No, Chelsea," he said again. "She is a nurse on the pediatric floor. Super hot, and I heard she had a crush on you. I'll set it up."

"No way," I told him without hesitation. "Man, I appreciate it, but I told you the last time you tried to rope me into a blind date – I'm not interested."

"Yeah, but this isn't a blind date. You've seen Chelsea," he pointed out. "She is pretty hot."

I huffed. "She is attractive, but I'm still not interested."

"Come on, buddy. I get that you're still heartbroken, but you need to move on."

"I am moving on, but after essentially dating three women at once, I'm good in that department for another five years at least," I joked.

"Yeah, I hear you. If it's any consolation, Kate did say she's been doing pretty well. I know you still worry about her and all."

I nodded absently. "I'm glad to hear it."

I meant to leave it at that, but I couldn't help my next question. "Are they still on a steady rotation, or is her splitting back to being sporadic?"

"Oh, you know what, Kate did mention that Bella hasn't been out much lately. I guess it's mainly been Rosalie and Alice."

"Fuck," I said with a heavy breath.

I hated that it sounded like Bella was back to regressing into her mind for longer stretches of time, however it wasn't my place to worry anymore. She had her reasons to break away from me, and I couldn't change that. I had no choice but to let her go and do nothing but wish her the best and hope she was able to get a handle on it herself.

Garrett was right about one thing, I needed to fully move on; not just pretend to. I didn't necessarily think finding a new girlfriend was the answer, but I figured returning to casual dating couldn't hurt. So, I ultimately agreed to his next attempted set up. Kate's sister's best friend, Heidi, was newly single and eager to mingle. She was beautiful, and there was surprisingly none of that blind date awkwardness I was expecting. Neither of us were looking for anything serious at the moment, so there was absolutely no pressure. We laughed, and flirted, and there were definite sparks right away. We stayed out well past midnight, and when I brought her back to her home for the night, I accepted her invitation to come inside her apartment for a nightcap.

We were vibing, and it was obvious where she intended that evening to go, however when I leaned into her as she waited for that arousing kiss, I saw Bella's face, and I immediately pulled back.

"What's wrong?" she asked me concerned and slightly embarrassed.

"Nothing. Everything is great, but I… I think I'm going to head home," I told her apologetically.

Heidi was seemingly practically perfect in every way and I knew I was an idiot for turning her down, but it just didn't feel right. I may have been in denial, but deep down I knew I still wasn't completely over Bella yet. Whether I liked it or not, that was the truth, and I wasn't going to force myself to be with someone, even casually, before I was fully ready.

After that night, I decided to stop worrying about dating altogether. There was more to life than sex and finding a woman, and I figured when the time was right and the right person came along, I'd know.

Not even two days later I was hit with another unexpected blow. In fact, it was the toughest hit I had ever experienced in my life…

"Hey, Charlie. What's up?" I asked eagerly, answering my phone the moment I saw his number pop up. Even before he spoke a single word, I knew something had to be terribly wrong for him to call me out of the blue, and my heart was immediately racing.

"Hey kid," he said after a long heavy silence. "Listen, I hate to call you like this, but I think you deserve to know."

"What?" I asked when he failed to continue speaking.

He drew in a heavy breath, which reverberated out of my phone and into my ear. It echoed through my brain and down my spine, and I trembled as a response.

"Bella," he mumbled, having a hard time finding the words. "She's in the hospital."

"What? Why? What happened?" I asked in a panic.

"She found my Ambien. She downed the whole damn bottle with alcohol," he said, making my stomach drop. "She's okay," he assured me quickly. "I found her almost right after she took them and managed to get it out of her system. She's fully alert now, but she's in mandatory observation, and I'm not sure when she will be released."

"Is she talking?" I asked anxiously. "What's she saying about it?"

"Well, I haven't actually talked to Bella. Rosalie is out now, and she is refusing to tell me anything."

"So, you're not even sure if it was actually Bella who took the pills?" I questioned.

"Oh hell, I don't know. Bella was the one who I had dinner with last night. She hasn't been around much lately, so I was excited to have her home. She seemed in good spirits, which is why this is so troubling. I asked her if she was going to hang around awhile, and she said she was. I really thought she was getting better," he explained in an emotional rush. "After dinner we watched a movie at home, and then she told me goodnight and turned in. I stayed up to watch a little more TV, but I just had a bad feeling. I went up to check on her and I found her passed out with my pill box empty on her nightstand, and a previously full bottle of vodka half gone. I got her to vomit it all out, but she didn't wake up until a little bit ago, and now that she is Rosalie, she won't tell me anything."

"So, you don't know if it was Bella?" I questioned again, clinging to that small spark of hope.

"She had been Bella all evening, so I only assume she was the one who took the pills," Charlie replied, clearly not sharing my hope. "But you know how it goes; they can change so quickly that I can't be sure who actually took them. I'm sorry to call you like this. I know you two broke up a while ago, but I just felt like it was something you'd want to know."

"I appreciate you calling. I'm going to come down there," I said, hanging up before he could have the chance to talk me out of it.

I didn't want to believe that Bella tried to hurt herself. Even the thought of it was excruciating. I was hanging on to the slim possibility that it was an accident of some kind. Perhaps Bree took them thinking they were candy. Surely there was an explanation that I couldn't even imagine at the moment. I just had to know exactly what happened. I had to believe that Bella was going to be okay, and the only way of gaining that peace of mind was confronting Rosalie, so that was exactly what I was going to do.

After I arrived at the hospital, I immediately went to the mental health floor where Bella was being kept. They didn't allow non-related visitors on that level without clearance, but lucky for me, I had such clearance just because I worked there, and I was my father's son. The moment the elevator doors opened, and I walked out, I could hear her yelling…

"I'm not suicidal you fucking morons. Let me go!"

I hesitantly followed the sound, and when I arrived at her room, I was met by Charlie and several orderlies on their way out.

"I don't think you should go in there," Charlie told me. "She is in her most 'Rosalie' of moods – if you know what I mean."

I nodded, but I couldn't just turn around and go home. I had to know what happened, so I took my chances and stepped back into the raging hurricane.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growled at me the moment she noticed me. "Isn't there some kind of rule against non-family visitors around here?"

I showed her my hospital ID as explanation, which she just rolled her eyes at. "Typical over-privileged spoiled rotten abuse of power."

"Who did this?" I asked through gritted teeth. It was hard to look at her with Bella's face and feel that kind of anger when all I wanted to do was hold Bella and tell her everything was going to be okay. But she wasn't Bella, and I wasn't sure if anything was going to be okay with her again.

"Nobody did anything!" Rose snapped at me. "It was an accident. These idiots are holding me against my will unjustly."

"Did Bree do it?" I asked.

"No," she spat. "I would never let her get that far."

"If it wasn't Bree, then who took the pills and how was it an accident?"

She stared at me but refused to answer.

"Damn it, Rosalie! Who did it?" I shouted a little too loudly. A nurse came in and gave me the stink eye, so I apologized and took my tone down several notches.

"Please just tell me who did this?" I asked again the moment we were alone again.

She must have seen just how important the answer was to me, so she huffed and then asked – "Who do you think?"

"I obviously don't know!" I snapped back at her.

When she continued to stare at me with a raised brow, somehow, I just understood.

"Bella did do this," I murmured, suddenly becoming engulfed by the most severe pain I had ever felt in my entire life. "Why?" I asked, so close to tears but somehow keeping then contained to my eyelids.

"Why do you think?" she replied bitterly. "You know, I would just tell you that this was none of your business and demand you to leave, but this is your business since you're the one that drove her to this. I told you in the beginning to leave her alone. You just couldn't listen, could you? You had to fuck around with her heart and break her more than she already was."

That did it. I tried to hold back my anger, but it boiled up inside of me until it exploded.

"I didn't do this, Rosalie, YOU DID!" I shouted uncontrollably. "You couldn't just let us try to make it work, could you? You just had to always make it so much fucking harder than it had to be. You drove Bella to break up with me, and you drove her to do this too! You wanted a life with Emma, and because you couldn't have it, you couldn't stand the idea of anyone else being happy either, could you? You did this, Rosalie, no one else!"

I didn't notice that several orderlies and nurses had run in to try to diffuse the situation. I couldn't even see them through my rage until they were dragging me out of the room and telling me they were calling the police.

Thankfully, Charlie was there and told them he would handle me.

"I know how you feel, son, but you can't let her get to you like that; especially not here."

"I know, you're right," I said, falling to the bench there so I could take deep, settling breaths. "I shouldn't have done that. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You're hurting and looking for someone to blame. But Edward, blame DID specifically. It's a bitch and it's hard, and it's really the only thing left to be angry at. Rosalie is just being Rosalie. She will never change."

"I know," I repeated. "I'm going to leave," I said after a few heavy moments. "Charlie, thank you for calling me, and please keep me posted."

"Of course," he agreed. I leaned in and hugged him, and despite the fact that I had never embraced that man before, it actually felt really good. We both loved Bella fiercely, and I was grateful that she wasn't able to push him out of her life the way she had me. Bella needed someone, and if I couldn't be that someone, I was grateful he would always be there for her.

We said goodbye and I left, taking all my love, and fear, and anger, and guilt with me. I didn't have a straight answer as to what happened, and I probably never would get one, but the pain of knowing Bella had tried to end her life was immeasurable. I knew her issues were about more than just me, but my presence and subsequent loss in her life certainly didn't help matters.

Bella was too fragile. She should have never risked her heart for me. Even if I wasn't the one who ended it, I still couldn't help but carry some of the blame.

Bella tried to kill herself…

The crumbs of my heart were now blowing away in the wind. How the hell would either of us recover this time?

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***A/N: Yes, I "New Moon'd" this chapter, and for that, I apologize. It was not done intentionally. Big changes coming up next.