Chapter 28

Thorin woke with a warm weight on his chest. He blinked, taking a moment to orient himself, and he recognized the interior of the hayloft, illuminated by shafts of clear light coming from the far window. He lowered his gaze and smiled.

Bilbo was still asleep, his head resting on Thorin's shoulder and one arm draped over his chest. Memories of the previous night trickled back, bringing with them heat and pleasure. It almost didn't feel real, to have Bilbo so close to him after so much time spent longing for it.

He lifted one hand and ran it up his side, over the bare skin of his shoulder, then brought it down on his soft curls, gently stroking the skin just above his ear.

Bilbo murmured something under his breath and shifted, though there wasn't much room to move, as his body was wedged between Thorin's and the back of the couch. In hindsight, they'd chosen a rather cramped place to sleep (among other things), but they couldn't really be selective with the limited supply of beds on the farm. Neither of them had wanted to wait, anyway.

After another minute, Bilbo opened his eyes and blinked sleepily. It also took him a minute to register his surroundings, and then his lips curved into a smile. Thorin savored the image, wishing he could hold onto it like one of the photographs in his pocket.

"Good morning." Bilbo let out a contented sigh, then stretched out his arm and placed his hand on Thorin's chest. His fingers were cool, and sent a trail of shivers across his skin.

"Are you cold?" The autumn mornings were less forgiving now, and seeing as the barn didn't have any insulation, the chill had seeped into the hayloft overnight.

"A little. This certainly helps, though." His fingers were absently tracing patterns across Thorin's skin, the light touch sending tingles throughout his body. He lifted his head and glanced at their discarded clothing on the floor. "We are going to have the worst walk of shame."

"Everyone's probably still asleep. We could sneak upstairs before they notice."

"Yeah." Bilbo propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze shifting to the side. "And we're probably going to have to flip the couch cushions over."

They both broke down into laughter, giddy and relaxed all at the same time.

Thorin sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the couch and massaging his arm to get some feeling back into it.

Behind him, Bilbo sat up as well. With a sigh, he flopped back against the cushions. "So…"

Thorin sat back and turned to look at him. "So?"

Bilbo was searching his face, his expression strangely vulnerable. "Did you mean everything you said last night?"

"Yes. And I'd feel the same even if you'd decided to stay behind. I...I think about you, every second I'm away."

"Well, that's funny. Because every time you leave, I find myself thinking about you." A smile twitched on the corners of his lips, even as warmth filled his gaze.

Thorin couldn't help himself. He leaned over and kissed him until heat burned away the lingering chill on his skin.

Eventually, Bilbo put a hand on his chest and gently broke the kiss. "Let's not get too carried away."

"Alright." Tempted as he was, they would have to leave soon if they were going to make it into the house unnoticed. Besides that, there was still work to be done for the day, preparations to be made before…

The thought of Erebor was enough to sober him up somewhat. He glanced at the papers, lying discarded on the floor. They still had a journey to make.

They dressed quickly and flipped the couch cushions over, sharing conspiratorial smiles like they were teens again. Thorin moved the trunk off the trap door, and they descended the ladder together. It was still early morning, and their footsteps left green footprints through the dewy grass as they hurried, hand in hand, towards the house.

"I think I've got a change of clothes in the upstairs closet," Bilbo whispered to him as they crept through the backdoor. "So if you want to—"

A burst of applause made them both jump. Dwalin, Glóin, Óin, and Nori were already awake and sitting at the kitchen table.

"Nice work, you two," Dwalin said as he and Glóin continued to clap. "Finally!"

Óin glanced between the two of them, confusion scrunching his brow. "What's going on, now?"

Nori lifted his portable radio above his head as "We Are the Champions" started to play.

"Oh, fuck off." His face flushing, Bilbo grabbed Thorin's wrist and pulled him through the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Well, I guess that's been taken care of," Thorin said as they reached the top of the stairs. "Telling the others, I mean."

"They've probably been making bets, too." Bilbo began rifling through the closet, pulling out a clean pair of pants.

One of the bedroom doors opened, and Kíli stuck his head out, his hair falling into his face. "What's going on?"

"Just Nori being an idiot," Bilbo said. "Go back to sleep."

Yawning, Kíli closed the door.

Thorin gestured to the bathroom door. "You can take the shower first. I'll wait."

"I actually have a better idea." Bilbo finally wrestled a clean shirt from the closet and stood up. "Since we really should be trying to save water, you know."

He raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

A mischevious smile grew on his lips. He grabbed the front of Thorin's shirt with one hand, pulling him closer, and pushed the bathroom door open with the other. "I think you know already."

That afternoon, Bilbo was seated on the living room floor with Grim's head in his lap, gently brushing the mats from his neck. It was a rather tedious task considering the size of him, and more often than not produced a sizeable quantity of loose hair, but there was something relaxing about it, even as his mind wandered.

They were leaving tomorrow. Thorin had been busy for most of the day, gathering supplies and making sure the cars were fully operational. Dwalin and Bifur had agreed to accompany them as well, and Óin had joined them on the assumption that they were more likely to need a doctor nearby. Bombur and Bofur had also joined in, more to keep an eye on their cousin than anything else, which put their group at ten.

Although Bilbo had no intention of backing out, he couldn't help the buzzing anxiety that crept up every time he thought about leaving. There was more uncertainty in this venture than they'd had in the past four years, and he'd done his best to distract himself from it—hence why he was currently sitting in a pile of dog hair.

"How long have you been at it?" Dís walked into the room and sat down at the base of the couch, propping her elbows on her bent knees.

"Only half an hour. But I haven't even started on his left side yet." He smiled as Grim licked his hand. "I know. It's not your fault you've got such a big, fluffy coat."

"You seem like you're in a good mood." Dís sighed and stretched her legs out. "Married life treating you well?"

"Wha—married?" He looked up and rolled his eyes at her wide grin, even as heat simmered on his cheeks. "Come on. It's been a day—not even."

"Yeah, but you two have known each other way longer than that." She pressed her palms over her eyes. "God, I can't believe it took you guys almost five years to actually get it on."

Bilbo huffed and dropped another clump of dog hair onto the carpet. "We both had our reasons."

"Which were that you were both repressed idiots with a master's degree in miscommunication?"

"Something like that." His blush deepened. "Anyway, now you can stop teasing me about it."

"No way." She nudged his leg with her foot. "Thorin can tell you I never stop teasing my big brothers." She smirked. "And Víli still owes me a six pack of soda."

"So you were making bets. Unbelievable." But he couldn't keep the smile off his face. It was reassuring to have everything between him and Thorin out in the open. Though he'd considered himself part of the family for a while now, this new development made him feel even closer to all of them.

He just hoped this business with Erebor wouldn't end up tearing it all apart. That thought was enough to douse his cheer somewhat. He cast a quick glance at Dís, who seemed to be in a good enough mood now despite her earlier anger at Thorin's proposal.

"How, um…how are you feeling? About tomorrow?"

Her smile evaporated as well, and she drew one knee up to her chest. "The same as I did yesterday. I mean, you're all adults. If you want to run off on some crazy suicide mission to invade a mountain, that is well within your rights." She swallowed, her gaze fixed on the carpet. "I just don't know what to do about Fíli. I-I mean, it's not safe for him to go out there. But how can I say that to him, after I let him get…"

The memory of the warehouse swept through the room like a chilly breeze. "That wasn't your fault," Bilbo said softly. "We didn't know what was out there. We couldn't have known."

"But now we do. How do I know if sending him out there is the wrong choice?" She smiled bitterly. "Maybe Thorin was right. We've been living a lie all these years. Making choices isn't supposed to be fucking easy anymore."

"He won't be alone this time. You know we'd all do anything to keep him safe." Absently, he touched the edge of the scars on his shoulder. "We all know better than we did back then."

"And that still might not be enough." She frowned. "I wish I could give him this. I-I want him to be able to try for more, to not just be stuck here fearing for his life."

"But you're still afraid," Bilbo said softly. "I understand that."

Dís finally looked up at him. "You know, Thorin really cares about you, what you think. You could talk him out of this."

"I-I don't think I could." He shook his head, brow furrowing. That was a gray area that even now he was afraid to touch. "And I'm not sure that I want to. I mean, I care about what Thorin thinks too, and I really believe in him. I think we need this. And I know what it means to him."

A veil of sadness fell over her gaze. "He told you about Frerin."

Bilbo nodded, a lump building in the back of his throat. Dís had lost a brother, too. "I'm sorry."

She sighed, absently picking at the seam on her jeans. "You know, Thorin wasn't even there when he…when he died. And he still blames himself. I think our father kind of blamed him, too."

"Why would he do that?"

"It was… Our grandfather was sick, and Dad had to take care of that along with work, and our mom passed away while we were young, so it kind of fell to Thorin to look after the rest of us. And he was always so responsible, he never complained, so I think Dad forgot sometimes how young he was."

He frowned as he thought back to what Thorin had told him before, that his father had been the one to push him to join the military. He was beginning to dislike this man, even though they'd never even met.

"I think Thorin was always kind of wired that way, though—to be looking out for other people. He took it really hard after Frerin died. He was…" She smiled as tears filled her eyes. "He was the best of us. Nicest guy you'll ever meet. He could make anyone smile. I-It wasn't fair that it had to be him."

Grim stood up and sat down next to Dís, resting his head on her leg. Bilbo followed suit, moving to her other side and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He didn't know what to say that would be anything more than an empty consolation, but he hoped this silent comfort would help a little.

After a minute, she sniffled and wiped a hand across her cheek. "Thanks. I don't know why I'm so…I haven't cried over him in years."

"I'm here for you," Bilbo said softly.

"Thank you." She leaned against his shoulder and sighed. "You know, I don't have that many memories of Erebor. I was pretty young when we moved out. I-I couldn't even tell you what my bedroom looked like. Mostly, I just remember the people. Dad and Thorin and Frerin."

"But he remembers," Bilbo said. He could see as much in the light that shone in Thorin's eyes when he talked about the mountain.

"Yeah. I think he's trying to get back there, not just to the mountain, but the way things used to be. I get that he needs this. I just wish it wasn't…"

Bilbo nodded. "There's dead people walking about and god knows what else."

She snorted a watery laugh. "Exactly." She dried her face with her sleeve. "I want him to be happy. And I think he's lucky to have you."

A smile curved his lips. "If nothing else, I'll be there to talk him out of doing anything particularly stupid."

"And thank god for that." Dís stood up and stretched. "I'm gonna get some air. You'd better finish up with Grim, though. He looks like some kind of canine Two-Face."

Bilbo glance over at the dog, who was looking up at him with one side nicely groomed and the other tangled and mussed up from lying on the carpet. Despite the heaviness in his heart, he leaned back and laughed until his stomach hurt.

Fíli watched as Nori handed Thorin a bag of guns, which he placed in the trunk of the van. It was early morning, and they were nearly finished packing. His own backpack was still waiting on the porch. He'd filled it last night in a fit of determination, but now, at the moment they were supposed to leave, he found himself hesitating. Dís still hadn't given him permission to go, and he was torn between not needing it and wanting it anyway.

Balin rubbed his hands together. "Is that everything, then?" He and Ori had volunteered to go as well, to look out for their respective brothers. Between the van, which they were loading up with supplies, and the smaller car, they would have just enough room for everyone.

"I think so." Thorin closed the trunk and looked around. "Is everyone here?"

Bifur, who had been silently counting the group outside, shook his head. "I don't see Víli." He cast a questioning glance at Fíli. "If you two are still coming."

Fíli hesitated, but before he could answer, the front door swung open. He turned around hopefully, but it was only Glóin and Gimli.

"You guys are leaving early," she said, leaning against the railing.

"I want to cover some ground while it's still light out," Thorin said. "And pick up some supplies a few towns over."

Gimli leaned close to his mother, a small frown on his face. He was too young to really understand what was happening, but he clearly knew that most of his family was leaving. This was possibly the last time he would see some of them. Fíli tried not to think about that.

The door opened again, and his parents walked out. Víli waved to the group by the cars. "You got any seats left?"

He went to put his pack in the car, while Dís walked towards him and squeezed his shoulder. "You ready to go?" She was smiling, but there was an unmistakable sadness in her eyes.

Fíli swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat and said, "Yeah."

"I'm so proud of you." She cupped his face in her hands. "And I have faith in you. I've seen what you can do, how brave and smart you are. You just keep yourself safe." She smiled wryly. "And keep your dad out of trouble."

Fíli nodded. "I will."

Dís pulled him into a hug, and he clung to her, willing himself not to cry.

Víli returned as they pulled apart, and patted him on the back. "I'll bring him back," he said to her.

"Both of you better come back." Dís kissed him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you, too," they both echoed.

"I thought Kíli would want to say goodbye." Víli looked around. "Where is he?"

"Probably sulking upstairs," Dís said.

"Nope, he's in the trunk," Nori called. They turned in time to see Kíli climb out of the back of the car, scowling.

"Jesus," Dís muttered, marching towards him. "Are you kidding me?"

Kíli spread his hands. "Why can't I go too?"

"You are too young. This is not up for discussion." She reached out for him, but he dodged her hand.

"When Fíli was my age, he was shooting a gun and killing walkers!"

"That was different, we were on the road! We all just want you to be safe—Kíli!"

He stormed off and disappeared around the house. Fíli sighed and ran after him.

"Kíli!"

He didn't have to go far before he found him, crouched on the backdoor steps. Kíli didn't look at him, his arms crossed over his knees.

"I'm sorry." Fíli sat down next to him. "I know you want to go, but we all just want you to be safe. That's why you have to stay behind."

Kíli turned away. "Everyone's leaving me."

"Mom's staying with you."

"Yeah, but you're not."

Fíli looked down at his hands. This would be the first time they would be separated in years. Back at the start of the outbreak, when it had just been the two of them, he had been absolutely terrified. The only reason he'd been able to hold it together for so long was that he'd had to protect his brother. Losing him at the motel, even for those two short days, had felt like the very earth had been torn from beneath his feet. And back at the warehouse, when he'd been taken, he had thought even through the terror that having Kíli with him would make him a little braver.

"Kíli," he said hoarsely. "I wish…I wish I didn't have to leave." But at the same time, he knew he had to. He wondered if this was how Thorin felt every time he drove away. "But I…I'm not afraid. I know that it'll be okay, because you'll still be here."

Kíli looked up at him, doubt still crumpled on his face.

"You can help protect this place for when we get back. And you can…you can show Gimli how to be brave. He needs a big cousin around, okay?"

"I guess." Kíli looked down at his shoes. "Promise you'll come back?"

"Yeah," he said, though his mouth went dry immediately after, like even his body could sense the emptiness of the promise. "And while I'm gone, you should practice at Smash. Then maybe you'll finally be able to beat me."

A smile brightened his face. "You're on."

He leaned to the side, wrapping his arms around Fíli's waist, and Fíli hugged him back. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Fíli."

After a few more seconds, he forced himself to stand up and walk around the house. Everyone was already in the cars except for Thorin, who was standing by the driver's side door, looking impatient. His expression softened slightly as he caught sight of Fíli.

"Still coming?"

"Yeah," he said, and cleared his throat. He grabbed his pack, forced himself to wave goodbye to Dís, and climbed into the car next to his dad.

A few moments later, the car rumbled to life, and they began the drive towards the front gate. Fíli turned around and watched the house until it disappeared between the trees.

A few people wanted Kili to come along, and as much as I wanted to have him go (I initially planned for everyone to make the trip to Erebor), it just wouldn't be in character for anyone to let the kids go on a dangerous mission. So I had to shuffle a few things around, but we'll see them all again.