Inarticulate Speech of the Heart

"Okay, I got chicken soup, cough drops, vapor-rub, tea, extra tissues, and some congestion medicine with an antihistamine." Chandler closes the door behind him and puts the brown paper bag he was carrying down onto the kitchen table. He starts to remove and sort through the contents, spreading them out in front of him.

Monica pops her head up for a moment to look at him from the couch and lets out a cough. "Thanks. You didn't have to do dat doe."

Chandler pauses his movements and smirks. "Well I wanted to 'do dat'. Besides, if I am going to camp out here for the weekend, I might as well make myself useful. Now, what do you want first?"

Monica settles back, lies down and sniffles. "Soup please."

"Okay, one chicken soup coming right up." Chandler picks up the cup of soup, and walks it over to the coffee table, placing it down next to Monica who was laying on the couch underneath a blanket. He grabs a pillow from the chair and gestures for Monica to lift her head so she can prop herself up on it.

Monica reaches her hands out, signaling for him to hand her the soup. "Wow. I wish you liked all of Doey's girlfriends. I don't thig my mom treated me this good when I was sick."

"Well, it is either I hang out here and take care of you, or I sit around in my own apartment and listen to Joey and Kathy enjoy the weekend together and suffer some deep psychological damage." Chandler exaggerates a shudder that travels across his shoulders and then begins to lower himself down onto the big comfy chair.

"Spoon?"

"Right!" He leaps up before he actually sits down and hops into the kitchen.

"An' maybe a nabkin."

"We're all out of 'nabkins'. How about a napkin?"

Monica huffs as she shakes her head. "If you are just going to make fun'd of me, you can go back to your own abardmend."

"No can do. It's me and you all weekend. Otherwise I would be wandering the streets like a pariah. I refuse to stay in my own 'abardmend'. The walls are way too thin." Chandler walks back over, handing Monica a spoon and places a few napkins down on the table. "Plus. I rented some movies for us earlier this afternoon while you were napping. What do you say to a Keanu Reeves marathon?"

Monica shrugs. "Sure. Did you get 'Point Break'?"

Chandler frowns a bit and pulls up the plastic Blockbuster bag from the floor next to the chair. "No. It was already rented, but I did get 'A Walk in the Clouds'."

Monica looks down as disappointment flashes across her face. "Well, did you at least get 'Bill and Teds'?"

Chandler reaches back into the back and reluctantly pulls out another VHS tape. "Sure, if by 'Bill and Ted's' you mean 'Even Cowgirls Get the Blues'."

"This is why we never let you rent the movies." Chandler shrugs and puts his feet up as he turns the television on. Monica leans forward to take a sip of her soup and then looks back at him. "You really like her, huh?"

Chandler shakes his head and looks down. "I don't know. I know I think I could like her. She's really funny and interesting and we can talk for hours. The other night, we had the best conversation. We have so much in common. I can't stop thinking about her."

"I'm sorry sweetie. What are you going to do?"

"Swallow my feelings and live on your couch. The usual."

Monica chuckles as she takes another sip of soup. "Maybe you only thig you like her. Maybe this is just you ready to be in a relationshib."

"You think?"

"Maybe."

"I don't know if I am ready for that. When you're in a 'relationshib' you have to commit to being there for someone whenever they need you. I don't know if I am looking for that level of responsibility."

"You take care of the chick and dub."

"I don't think I can put a girlfriend in the tub like I do with the 'dub'."

Monica glares at him and shakes her head. "I will drag you across da hall if you keeb doing dat."

"Fine." Chandler looks over at Monica and studies her for a moment. His eyes narrow and his brow wrinkles as his gaze falls to the shirt she is wearing.

"Hey! Is that my sweatshirt?"

"Doe. Dis is my faborite shirt."

"Okay, first, that is my sweatshirt. I've been looking for it for over a year. Second, please, for the love of God, blow your nose."

Monica twists her lips into a corkscrew frown and places the cup of soup back on the coffee table. "Fine'd, but don't look."

"Don't look?"

"Yeah, I don't like peeble seeing me all snotty like dis."

Monica takes a few tissues and starts to vigorously blow her nose. Chandler jumps back, startled by how loud the sound is. He then shakes his head and looks at the television as he starts to flip through the channels. "Monica. I've seen you in worse shape. Hell, I've seen you in your laundry day underwear."

Monica straightens up as her eyes go wide. "What! No you didn't!"

"Yes, I did. It was right after Phoebe moved out. We were going to do laundry and I walked in here and you ran from the bathroom to your bedroom yelling at me not to look at you."

Monica folds her arms and fumes. "And you looked anyway!"

"In my defense, you were in your underwear and I was young and curious and I just got done watching an episode of Baywatch. But don't worry, once I saw those giant grandma bloomers, I turned away."

Monica huffs and takes another sip of her soup. "Now I'm keeping your shirt."

Chandler turns to her and points. "Aha! I knew that was my shirt! I want it back!"

Monica begins to run her hands over her arms as she feels the fabric. "But it's so soft and warm."

"That's why it's my favorite shirt."

"Okay. I'll wash it and give it back." Monica hesitates for a moment and starts to intimate the beginning of a sneeze. Chandler quickly grabs a tissue and holds it for her to take. After a few false starts, she finally shoves her face into the crook of her arm, letting go with a loud, wet sneeze.

Chandler looks at her, tissue in hand, and shakes his head. "Well, I don't want it back now!" He drops the tissue and eyes her suspiciously. "You did that on purpose."

"Noooo." Monica settles back into the couch as a triumphant smile slowly spreads across her lips.

Chandler charges into his old apartment, gesticulating wildly as he looks around until his eyes finally land on Monica. "What do I do!"

Monica turns around, wearing yellow rubber gloves while holding a bottle of furniture polish. "What?"

Chandler stops in his motions and looks around the apartment again. His brow furrows in puzzlement. "Didn't we used to have carpeting in here?"

Monica turns her head back to the coffee table and wipes down the legs with a rag. "Chandler. I'm very busy right now."

Chandler starts to inhale through his nose, sniffing around the room. "Did you paint in here?"

Monica smiles proudly and then turns around to face him once more. "You haven't seen nothing yet. Wait until I'm done. You won't recognize this place."

Chandler, clearly unimpressed, shrugs his shoulders. "Okay." He then shakes his head as if to rattle his thoughts together. "I need your help."

Monica sighs impatiently and starts to tap her foot as she crosses her arms. "What's your problem now?"

"Kathy. I think maybe I made a huge mistake."

"What kind of mistake?"

"Well, I talked to Joey and we had this entire conversation about," he raises his fingers up and signal air quotes, "the heat."

"What?"

"You know, the heat."

"Actually, no, I don't know."

Chandler huffs and walks over to sit on the couch. "Well, I might have jumped the gun on the whole 'Kathy is sleeping with Nick' thing."

Monica closes her eyes and shakes her head in disbelief. "Oh my god Chandler. You have to go fix this."

"How?"

Monica rips off her gloves and places them down on the counter and then sits down next to him. "You have to go over there, and apologize and, you better do something either really cute or buy her something really expensive."

"Really? I should go over there? How do I know she even wants to see me?"

"Are you kidding me? Up until now, when you apparently went crazy, you've been an amazing boyfriend. We've all said so. You just have to show her you aren't crazy anymore."

"Really? You think that'll work?"

Monica places both her hands on his arm. "This won't fix itself, and if she isn't coming to you then you have to go to her. Now march on over there, kiss some serious butt and go get that girl back!"

"I'm gonna do it. I mean, you're right. I have been a great boyfriend. What's one little slip up?" Chandler claps his hands together tightly and begins to nervously rub them.

"I don't know if I would call it little. You did accuse her of cheating on you."

Chandler, losing his momentum, stares at Monica. "What?"

"It is kind of a big deal."

"So, then, she isn't going to take me back?"

Monica starts to bob her head side to side. "Just go and apologize. Let her know that you know what you did that made her so mad. That's what we want. It shows us that we're on the same page. that you are listening to us."

"Is this about Kathy or is it about you?"

Monica stands up and grabs Chandler by the arm, dragging him off the couch. "Will you just go to her and make up."

Chandler nods and starts to bounce around on the balls of his feet. "Okay! I'm going to go. I'm just gonna do it." His movements become more erratic as he starts to rock his entire body.

"Get it out of your system now big guy, because this," Monica points at Chandler and gestures at the wild movements he is making. "will not go over well."

Chandler calms down and nods. He then glances around the apartment one more time and shoot Monica an inquisitive look. "Was the counter always this color?"

Monica places both hands on his back, forcing him out the door. "Go!"

Monica slowly opens the door to Chandler and Joey's apartment and peeks inside. "Hello. Is it safe to come in?"

Chandler glares at her for a moment and then sips from his coffee mug. "Hey, yeah. Come on in."

"Oh, you aren't still mad are you?"

"About what? That you stole our apartment or that my room now smells like dead flowers."

"Do you know what your room smelled like before I moved in there?"

"I know it didn't smell like my Aunt Linda's perfume."

Monica walks over to the counter and looks around. "If it makes you feel any better, my room still smells like salami. Did Joey eat in there?"

"There is no room that Joey doesn't eat in. Why do you think we have a jar of mustard in the bathroom?"

Monica shivers at the thought and then slowly nods. She looks down at Chandler's coffee mug. "What are you doing? We have coffee over at our place. And breakfast. Are you sure you're still not mad?"

"I'm sure. I just have to get out early. I'm going to need to get ahead of work these next few weeks if I'm going to be able to go to London for Ross and Emily's wedding."

"Okay. You are sure it isn't because we took our apartment back?"

Chandler, against his instincts, allows a half-smile to spread across his lips. "I'll always be mad about that, but no."

Chandler returns his attention to his breakfast of buttered toast and coffee. Monica studies him for a few moments and brings her hands up to her chin. "Is everything okay?"

Chandler looks down and sighs. "Yeah, I guess ever since Ross told us he was going to marry Emily, I, well, I kind of started thinking about Kathy again."

Monica's mouth opens a bit as her eyes go wide. "Really? I thought you got over all of that."

"No, I did. I was just wondering, ah, you know what, forget it."

Monica walks around the counter and grabs Chandler by the hand. "What is it? You can tell me."

"Okay, but just, don't tell the others, okay?"

"Okay."

Chandler slips from Monica's grasp and starts to pace around the living room. "I guess I'm just wondering if maybe Kathy was my chance at all that and I blew it."

"All what?"

"You know, what Ross has."

Monica furrows her brow. "Are you talking about getting married?"

"No, I mean, sort of. Look, I don't want to get married or anything, I just wonder, if maybe she was my only chance at that being a possibility." He slowly walked back to the counter and began to spin his mug around. "How often do you get to find someone you make a connection with. What if that was my last chance and I blew it all because of some stupid fight?"

"Honey, I don't think that's how it works. Look at me. Do you think I blew it?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Richard. I broke up with him. Do you think I lost out on my only chance to get married? To find someone?"

"Well, no, but that's different."

"Why?"

"Because of how hot you are."

Monica laughs and slowly nods. "Oh, so I just wait around until some guy finds me hot enough to go out with?"

"Pretty much. Trust me, it won't take long."

Monica tries to suppress a smile as she slowly shakes her head. "Look Chandler, maybe you should think about the Kathy stuff in a different way."

"You mean, other than as that time I had my heart ripped out and thrown out a thirty-story window before a garbage truck ran it over?"

"Yes." Monica turns her head, and despite her best efforts, sneaks out a smile in reaction to Chandler's joke. "Maybe this was just something you needed to finally realize that you want what Ross has now with Emily. That you want commitment, and love and, maybe, what happened with Kathy will help you when you get to your next relationship."

Chandler looks down at his coffee and nods. "You know, you're probably right. There's probably another girl out there who will realize that I'm not a terrible guy."

Monica shakes her head. "See, there you go."

Chandler looks over at her and glares. "That was where you were supposed to say 'Chandler! You're a great guy'."

"Oh, right." Monica reaches over and gently places her hand on his chest, compelling him to make eye contact with her. "Chandler. You're a great guy."

Chandler finishes putting his pajamas on and looks over at Joey's empty bed. "Leave it to Joe to find a girl to sleep with in London." He chuckles to himself and sits down on the edge of the bed. He looks around at his empty, quiet hotel room, and shakes his head with a roguish smile on his lips. For some strange reason, he feels quite at peace with the way this evening has worked out. Despite some lingering resentment he may still feel for the guests who did not laugh at any of the jokes in his speech at tonight's rehearsal dinner, he is calm. Content. Dare he say it, he is even being overwhelmed with a strange feeling of optimism. It was very unsettling.

Normally, when Joey would slip off to his room with one of his dates for the night, Chandler would be picking apart at every perceived imperfection in himself that he could find. He would frustrate himself as he tried to figure out why Joey got the girl and he got the empty bed. He would spend hours stewing in jealousy at how easy it seemed for his friend. Not only had he found himself a willing partner for the night, but he also lucked into procuring every romantic accessory he would need to ensure himself an evening that, to Joey may have been routine, but for Chandler, would be considered one of the greatest nights of his life. He should be sitting here right now, filled with resentment, knowing that there was not much he would not do for a chance to eat strawberries off a gorgeous, naked woman.

Yet, tonight, he feels none of that, and he is not sure why. Being jealous of Joey is as integral a part of Chandler as being sarcastic. Wanting to be his roommate and have the opportunity to bask in the glory of his many sexual conquests, had always been a source of Chandler's particular brand of self-loathing, but lately, something has changed.

His mind suddenly went to Monica, and her sour mood this evening. He was not surprised that Ross getting married was dragged out some of her own insecurities about her future, but tonight was different. She sounded different. She was not just lamenting her lack of a boyfriend, or her prospects at marriage, which was fairly common for her; she was signaling defeat. She was giving up.

It was ludicrous. This was Monica. Gorgeous, amazing, kind, caring, nurturing, Monica. How could she ever think that she would end up alone? When he left her at her room, he wished he had succeeded in cheering her up. That he could have articulated himself better tonight, that he could have made her see herself the way he does. That they could switch places and she could see how she looked through his eyes. She had always been there for him, to try and guide him from falling victim to his own worst impulses. Especially over this last year, the least he could do was try and return the favor.

Then, like a hard slap, it hit him. His eyes went wide as he began to realize what had changed within him, and why he was not that particularly broken up about Joey and his bridesmaid. He knows now why he does not want what Joey has. It was because he had done that already and failed. It was because of Kathy.

Suddenly, his blissful mood melts away and a familiar sting of panic starts to run through him like a wave.

Chandler decides to stand up quickly, finding himself having trouble reconciling where his thoughts were going. Joey. Bridesmaid. Strawberries. No one laughing. Gorgeous women. Titanic. Kathy. Monica. Ross. Emily. Marriage. Being ready. His mind like a swirling tornado making him dizzy. He cannot seem to put them in order and figure out what his own brain is trying to tell him. Did he want a one-night stand? Did he want a girlfriend? Did he want to get married? Did he want strawberries? Did he want to see if Titanic was available to order from the hotel's on demand menu?

He started to shake his head vigorously. It had to be the two drinks he had that were now messing with his mind, or perhaps listening to Monica go on about being alone. Maybe he just snagged on his memories of Monica insisting to him, over the course of the entire Kathy fiasco, that he was ready for more than just whatever it was that Joey had.

"I'm just going to work out. A few push-ups before bed. Clear my head." Chandler stops himself and looks around the room. "I'm talking to myself. That's not a good sign."

Chandler got down on the ground, only succeeding in eking out one, slow, painfully ineffective push-up. He quickly stands up again and, realizing how fruitless the idea of working out is, decides to climb into bed.

Sleep.

Blissful slumber is what he needs.

No more thinking.

No more Kathy or bridesmaids or strawberries.

No more thoughts about what he really wants or being ready.

No more pining about having the best night of his life with some gorgeous woman in his arms.

And most definitely, no wondering if he will ever, one day, be ready for what Ross and Emily have.

Sleep. Wonderful, glorious, blissfully ignorant, sleep.

Chandler closes his eyes, pulling the covers over his body. He can already feel his mind slowing down. "This is what you need. A good night's sleep. You're probably just jet-lagged. You're probably..." Chandler's eyes spring open as he hears a knock on the door to his room. He looks over and sighs as he gets out of bed. "Are you kidding me right now? Can this night get any worse?"