Chapter Twenty-nine

'You sure he was awake?'

'Looks like he's back asleep now.'

'Why does he have sleep when we want to kill him?'

'Sonny he's properly just nodded off...'

'...so...'

'don't you dare Sonny.'

The voices that surrounded him entered his ears and moved to his brain a little slower than normal, that it took him a little while to work out who around him. The voices sounded so far away from him even though he knew that the owners of the voices were stood right next to his bed. But he knew who the voices belonged too and why they were here. His brothers. His family. And he was in a lot of trouble with them. But at the same time, he felt safe with them around him. No one was going to hurt him with his brothers around him and he knew that as he was still on base then really he was as safe as they come but at the same time he couldn't get over the fear that he might wake up and being home was just a dream and he was back on that ship slowly sinking into the sea. His brother never knowing what had happened to him or bring him home.

Even without opening his eyes he knew that his brothers had surrounded his bed, cutting off any chance of escape that he could possibly find. That was if he could get out of the bed which he knew he couldn't even if he wanted too. His body wouldn't let him. He was so drained that his body was still recharging so he would have to take any punishment his brothers had in mind. And from what Ray had just said to Sonny he knew that his brother had something evil planned. However, thankfully he was on the base where Sonny was more restricted about what he was allowed to do and what he wasn't allowed to do. Like, set off flashbangs in the med bay in a way to wake him up. An idea that he wouldn't put it past his brother. If he tried to do that then he would have to deal with a very pissed off the Base medical staff and the security team.

However he knew that his brother meant well, he was just seriously pissed at him and he could feel the anger coming off the man. To his right, stood Sonny who was stood right next to his head and his heart monitor with Brock. When his brothers had entered the room, Clay had felt the bed sag as something jumped onto his bed and had curled itself into a small ball at his feet. He knew that it was Cerberus. Cerb had been very protective over him lately and would barely leave his side if allowed to stay. Cerberus had almost become his dog and was a running joke with the team now, Brock wasn't happy about it at first but knew that Clay needed Cerberus as much as Cerberus needed Clay.

On his other side stood Jason, who was back in his seat next to him with Ray close by. He could feel Ray's hand on his leg like he had to touch him in order to remind himself that Clay was still with them. Clay knew that Ray was blaming himself for something but had no idea what for. Every time they were together he had found that Ray had to have his hand on him nearly all the time. Either on his shoulder or his back, it was like he had to remind himself that he was still alive and there right in front of him.

He heard something strange at the bottom of his bed and knew that Trent was looking through his medical file that was sitting at the end of his bed. Trent being Trent, Clay knew that his brother would have already talked the ear off his doctors to see what was happening and what the tests had shown. He could hear Trent's mind working through each page of his file reading every single note that Clay's doctor had wrote. However, sadly that meant that Trent would have a lot more ammo to use against him so maybe he should just stay asleep. After a few minutes, he heard the sound of all of his brothers minus one took their seats.

But at the same time, he knew that he couldn't hide from his brothers permanently until they calmed down however that wasn't going to happen. They were pissed and he was just going to have to face it. Slowly he started to open his eyes but the room was once again too bright for him to deal with and so quickly closed them again. Thankfully he didn't make a sound when he opened his eyes because then he would have heard Sonny explode right in his ear causing his already painful headache to become worse.

For a second, he thought no one had noticed him but then he felt something move on his bed. Cerberus must have felt him flinch because now he was slowly moving up the bed.

'Brock, what the hell is that dog doing?' Sonny demanded. But got no response from Brock and Clay knew why as when he slowly opened his eyes he was greeted by the wet nose of Cerberus right in his face. Their eyes meet and he could actually see Cerberus smile at him. At least one of his brothers missed him, he even saw Cerberus tail start to wag so much that in Clay's mind the pup looked like he was going to take off.

"Hi Cerb," Clay muttered and he smiled at how happy the pup was to see him, slowly he turned his head but wished he hadn't as his eyes rested on Sonny because the man was pissed.

"Finally, you have decided to join us, Peter Pan!" Sonny demanded even getting to his feet to lean over on the bed to look directly at Clay.

"Sonny," Jason growled, sending Sonny a clear warning to back off.

"It's ok boss," Clay muttered as his hand automatically ran through Cerberus' fur coat. Cerb finally settled just off his chest but with his paws resting on his upper arm still enjoying the fact that his favourite brother was awake and enjoying been with him. He knew that Cerb would forgive him for anything as long as he played with him or fed him a treat.

"Want to tell us what has been happening?" Ray asked, cutting off Sonny from making any more comments to Clay. Ray guessed that Sonny wasn't going to stop snapping at Clay until they got at least something out of him about what was happening with him.

"Got dizzy. Next thing I know I'm kissing the floor." Clay scummed up everything that had happened. However, knew that he was missing out a lot of middle ground.

"You became seriously dehydrated," Trent added looking up from Clay's chart. He was pissed at the lack of self-care Clay had shown towards himself, the kid wasn't looking after himself and it scared him. Out in the field, he was responsible for all of their wellbeing and it was the same as at home. He didn't need to worry about Ray very much, but everyone else was fair game. But for their youngest members, he should have been more aware of the fact that Clay was struggling. They had tried to help him but at the same time didn't give him the real support that he needed.

"Have you been drinking enough? Less than normal?" Trent asked, flipping through Clay's file.

"Same as normal." Clay said clearly shrugging his shoulders looking down at Cerberus who had fallen asleep.

"Well, you should increase it for the time being. With everything you went through and the amount of blood you lost it will be safer." Trent added looking more closely at one of Clay's monitors which were monitoring his temperature as it had slightly increased since Clay had woke up.

"I know. I'm sorry." Clay said, knowing that he had caused his brothers a lot of grief. He was weak and needed to move on with his life but couldn't. And he was dragging his brothers into his own darkness.

"Not good enough Tinkerbell," Sonny demanded, he had held out long enough.

"I'm sorry. I am." Clay spluttered.

"We know kid but we need to talk about what has been happening," Ray said glaring at Sonny, daring him to say something again.

"What?" Clay asked turning to look at Ray, he was a little confused at what was going on. He thought that they would have a go at him for collapsing but he had a feeling that something else was going on.

Ray turned to look at Jason to see if he wanted to take over from him but from the look of fear that he got, he knew that he was on his own. With a sigh, he turned back to Clay who looked at this moment so much younger than he had before. "The nightmares you're been having." He finally was able to say but all the while watching Jason.

"Do we have too?" Clay groaned closing his eyes wanting to forget that his brothers were there.

"Yes. How often have they got?" Ray asked. He knew that Clay was more like Jason than they both would like to admit, and if he wanted Clay to talk then he had to approach the topic as he would with Jason. Straight to the point without letting him escape.

"Almost every time I close my eyes," Clay muttered angrily. He didn't want to discuss this with anyone. He was already a burden and a failure. He didn't been to be also a moaner.

Suddenly they were all watching Clay a lot more carefully. Alarm bells were going off in all of them. Ray and Jason both looked at each other with a sense of worry. They had no idea that things had gotten this bad with Clay and now they were worried that maybe they had failed Clay again. Another strict against them. Jason shook his head, why hadn't the kid come to them before it had gotten this bad? He should have seen it. He was the team leader and he was failing one of his men.

"Why didn't you come to us?" Jason said softly leaning forward so he was resting his elbows onto his knees without taking his eyes off Clay. The kid was worrying him. He had faced the pain that Clay was suffering now and it had taken him nearly falling apart and losing everything before he got the help he needed.

"You have your own problems to deal with, you don't need all of mine as well," Clay admitted rubbing his eyes with his hand, trying to stop his head from exploding.

"What did I just say to you?" Jason said, reminding Clay of the previous conversation he had with Clay.

"I know but it's true. I don't like being a burden on you guys." Clay said looking down at Cerberus again as he didn't want to meet any of his brothers' eyes.

"You're not." Brock exploded, he didn't like Clay thinking he was a burden when he wasn't. Clay was family. For Brock, he was someone who could talk to without having to worry about it getting out. The kid was like a safe when it came to other people's problems. He complained about everything to him, at first he had complained about Sonny once and the next day he had walked into the locker room waiting to duck as something heavy or sharp was thrown at him but there was nothing. Clay hadn't said a word. He was a good friend and at the moment he felt like the worst friend in the world because he hadn't seen his pain. None of them had.

"Yes I am, I can't even deal with my own fucking head." Clay spat as the anger within himself grew. Why wasn't his brothers seeing it? He was a mess.

"Clay, we all suffer from nightmares and sometimes we can't deal with them on our own. We need help. That is what the teams are for." Trent said crossing his arms with Clay's file in his hand still watching Clay's monitors carefully.

"I'm fine, just have to lock it all away again." Clay said shaking his head wishing that he was alone again at least he didn't have to argue with himself. Well, not a lot anyway.

"That's not health Clay," Trent added shaking his head but understood what was happening. Clay was trying to protect them, protect them from his own pain.

"Don't care," Clay muttered. Because he didn't. All he wanted to do was to lock what happened away in his head with all the other things he had hidden up there. His walls had become cracked leaving room for his memories to leak out and cause the pain he was feeling. He needed to start repairing them before the dam broke.

"We do," Trent said, placing Clay's medical file back into the folder as he moved closer to Ray hoping that they would say something to back him but everyone was still a little shocked about what Clay had admitted.

"Why? I broke the number one rule of the teams and lied to you." Clay asked; he had lied to his brothers. Broke the one rule that held them close and allowed them to fight alongside each other as a brotherhood.

"We get why you did it Clay but..." Ray said trying to get Clay to listen to him.

"Not all of us," Sonny muttered, crossing his arms glaring at Clay.

"Sonny," Ray warned.

"Sorry but it's true, why didn't you just tell us straight what was going on?" Sonny demanded almost screaming at Clay. He had held everything in too long, he had been worried at first and then the anger started to creep in. He was now so pissed at Clay that he couldn't think straight.

"Sonny!" Jason shouted he knew that Sonny had a lot of emotion building up but Clay didn't need this right now.

"Because I had to prove to myself that I can come back." Clay finally admitted. He personally knew that that was the main reason for his problems, that he would lose everything he had built. The family he had built.

"What the hell have you been drinking?" Trent asked and with a serious face.

"It's true. When I woke up in that hospital I was told by every doctor, every nurse and PT that I was never going to be able to return to the teams. That my career was over and I had to expect it." Clay finally admitted. He closed his eyes hoping that everyone was gone when he opened his eyes.

The room went silent. No one knew what to say to that, they had heard comments about Clay's condition when they were still deployed. And the comments hadn't been good. They had been told that Clay wasn't doing that well and with Clay not talking to them, they had all thought the worst. And now they knew what their brother had to deal with alone. The thought that would kill a lot of them, the thought of never returning to the teams.

The sound of someone getting to there feet and slamming of the door caused Clay to jump slightly causing his heart rate to hit the roof. He wasn't expecting it, he was back in the warehouse or on the ship. The sound of Zurkoff's men messing with him as they hit bats off the walls causing him to jump and flinch away from them. They use to laugh at him, call him names, hit him repeatedly and then tell him what they had done to his teammates and what they had planned to do to him.

He felt Jason's hand on his shoulder almost immediately. Something around his head was beeping a lot faster than it had been before the door slam. He heard Ray mutter something about going after Sonny and then door softly opening and closing again. He heard Cerberus cry and nudged his arm like he was trying to comfort him.

'We got you, kid.' He heard Jason repeatedly say as he felt Jason's hand run through his hair. It was calming. He was safe for now. From his own demons. But he had no idea how long that would be for until he fell asleep again without his brothers being there.