Dearest Raven,

I hope my letter finds you in good health. I can't begin to express how worried I was when I received word from your Ambassador that you had to cancel your latest visit to Val Royeaux. I know you're always busy when you're here, but I was so looking forward to seeing you.

Still, with the Inquisition's taking of Adamant Fortress and preparing for the Masquerade, I can understand how much stress you are undoubtedly dealing with. How is the Inquisition dealing with the rogue Grey Wardens? Please let me know if there is anything I can do to assuage you, My Dove. Anything at all and you shall have it. I hope I proved that with the trebuchets. I'm glad they were of help.

Things here in the city are as they've always been, beautiful and busy with day to day life and the weather is growing slightly cooler with the anticipation of autumn, but I find such a dullness without you here. I do hope that can be rectified soon, or at least allow me to come to Skyhold to see you. I know the Couslands arrived two weeks ago and think that this would be a lovely opportunity to go over your dress and my suit for the Masquerade, among other things.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Always yours,

Henry

"Checkmate. I win again, Commander."

Cullen leaned forward and stared at the board. Several pieces, both black and white, had been discarded to the side as casualties of a great battle but he was more focused on the black knight trapping his queen. He couldn't help but smile at her from across the table. She was looking at him as well, a small smirk playing at her pink lips and green eyes waiting patiently for his admission of defeat. It hadn't been the first time she'd won and he knew it wouldn't be the last.

"Then I suppose congratulations are in order," he finally replied as the smile he wore turned into a smirk of his own. If it were just them enjoying the peacefulness of the garden and if she would ever allow him the honor he'd gladly lean forward, over the small table, and kiss those lips of hers but he couldn't. Not only because it wasn't just them but also that she would stop him. Even if she didn't for one reason or another and somehow gotten carried away she'd be angry with him so instead he reached forward to shake her hand. It was all he could really do.

"Always so formal," she commented, her voice light and full of amusement and absolute music in his ears. So much so that he found the hand he hadn't offered gripping the side of the chair as she reached out and shook his other one. Once she let go he watched as she leaned back, crossed her legs, and moved some of her long red hair from her face. It was longer than it had been when she'd first been brought to them, so much longer that when she left it down it pooled around the chairs she would sit on just like it was doing at that very moment, soft red tresses teasing him, haunting him, filling his mind with lustful images about how it felt against his naked skin but what made it truly marvelous was that she didn't know. She didn't remember their night and she didn't have any idea how she really affected him and others. "If we can't be casual around each other now after everything we've been through then I guess all hope is lost." Was she mocking him?

"A lady deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and formality," he explained somehow feeling more at ease than before. She made the point of looking around before letting her green eyes settle on him once more.

"That is very true, Commander, but I see no lady present and if you are trying to insinuate that I, of all people, am a lady then I'm afraid you're mistaken." Raven stared at Cullen from her small chair across the table enjoying the way his hand went to the back of his neck showing that he was nervous. It was fun to tease him.

"You are a lady," he insisted and she couldn't help but laugh. Playing the part of a lady was fun while she wore beautiful dresses and corsets and drank tea with the nobility of Orlais, but she wasn't a true lady. Ladies didn't fight or curse or allow themselves to become dirty like she did. Cullen seemed to believe otherwise, or at least lead her to believe he did ever since accidentally walking in on her with Adrian, Delphine, Josephine, and Vivienne a couple days ago. They had been going over different dress designs and from the look on Cullen's face when he realized what exactly he'd walked in on she guessed he still hadn't gotten over their one night together. His eyes widened while he stared at her, dressed in nothing but a corset and a small slip. Of course, the true ladies had been angry and embarrassed where she found it hilarious. He'd been on his best behavior and much more reserved around her ever since.

"A lady would agree with you instead of telling you to 'suck it'." Her tone was so polite that he didn't realize what she'd actually said until a few seconds later.

"Maker, what am I going to do with you?" His reply came out as a sigh before he started to smile again.

"Did you want to play another game?" She asked, deciding to ignore the plethora of sarcastic remarks that came to mind while setting up the board once again. Even if he didn't want to, it was still a polite gesture.

"I'd love to but there's still so much to be done. Don't you have another dress fitting soon?" He asked her as he stood up. She followed though her movements were much more graceful and soon she was standing beside him, barely coming up to his collarbone though the armor he wore hid that. He loved how small she was compared to him.

"Why?" She asked with a small smile as they made their way through the garden to the main hall. "Planning on walking in again?" He stumbled over air and his breath caught in his throat. He should've expected a reply like that coming from her but it still managed to catch him off guard and cause his skin to become entirely too warm under his metal armor as his mind went back to the other day. With the ball a mere two months away there seemed to be more pressure for Raven to come to a decision about what she wanted in the dress she was to wear and where most women would tell a man to leave, much like Josephine and Vivienne had once they realized he'd walked in and he realized what he'd walked into, Raven remained on the pedestal in the middle of the room clad in a corset the color of phoenix scales and a small black skirt that barely reached her knees that seemed to be nothing more than tiny pieces of silk. She'd smiled, waved, and even said hello to him without even blushing and he had to wonder how someone so young had such little modesty. Even though they had slept together he imagined more of a reaction. Part of him wanted to ask Raven about it, but he couldn't even begin to conjure up the words for a conversation like that much less say them. In the end he just chose to keep quiet, much like what he was doing at that exact moment because any comment or retort he could make would be met with one ten times worse from her. Halfway through the main hall they were stopped by Vivienne who looked stunning in her traditional white Enchanter robes.

"Raven, Commander Cullen," she cordially greeted, "it is such a pleasure to see you both."

"It's a pleasure seeing you as well Madame Vivienne. I do hope you're enjoying your day so far," Raven replied in the same tone though she wasn't in the mood for fake cheerfulness and forced pleasantries.

"My day has been wonderful, my dear. If you have some time to spare. Josephine wanted to speak with you about your dress since we didn't get much done the other day." She looked at Cullen as she spoke and Raven had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Cullen's face went from pale to the color of a tomato in mere seconds and he stuttered through an excuse to leave. When he was gone Raven turned to see the ebony skinned woman smiling down at her.

"Sounds like a plan." She couldn't hide the noncommittal enthusiasm. Aside from her measurements, they didn't really need her.

"Don't be like that. We need to finish this so we can send an idea to your date for the Masquerade. The Duke Durand is really looking forward to having you as his guest." Yeah, she was sure he was. If it wasn't the most recent letter that gave it away it was probably the four letters before that and then her latest visit to see him a couple months ago. Still, without saying much more, they made their way to Josephine's office where the pedestal, three mirrors, a dozen dresses, and swatch after swatch of colored fabric were laid out in the corner. Adrian was the first to come forward and greet the redhead and Delphine quickly followed suit.

Three hours later Raven bid farewell to Josephine, Vivienne, Adrian, and Delphine before slowly making her way into the main hall. Her back hurt from standing so straight as she tried on dress after dress while she and the others decided everything from the appropriate silhouette to the color, fabric, shoes, gems and jewelry, and hairstyle. It was ridiculous and once everything had been decided and Raven had been released she wanted nothing more than to grab something to eat from the kitchens and watch the soldiers fight in the sparring ring. Normally she'd want to join in but no one in the fortress could keep up with her except Cole and he was... Raven felt her stomach turn as she thought of him and it wasn't in a pleasant way. The words she'd spoken to him a week ago on the battlements played in her mind and she wondered if she did the right thing. Varric and Solas would argue over his fate but she urged him to make his own choice, to choose whatever would make him happy. It wasn't a lie, she would remain by his side as a friend and confidant, she would listen to him and include him in things others didn't. She would still love him, if that was in fact how she really felt. She didn't know. She would gladly give her life for him and do everything in her power to keep him from harm but was that really what love was? She would do the same for anyone else if the situation called for it but he was different, special, and she didn't know what to think or how to feel about it.

As she made her way down the stairs, Raven found the kitchens emptier than normal. It was well after the time dinner was typically served and the three kitchen maidens she met along the way offered to help but she declined. She knew her way around the kitchen enough to know where everything that she wanted was and she could feel the women watching her in hushed silence as she sliced three different kinds of cheese, two different kinds of cured and salted meats, some hardened bread for crackers, purple grapes, two pears, and some strawberries. What she wouldn't eat of the plate tonight would be breakfast the next morning so with the large plate in hand, she made her way down the small steps into the courtyard, past the stables. On her way up the grand staircase she was disappointed to see not many soldiers were sparing. With a simple shrug she turned direction and made her way to the main hall. Varric was still gone, along with Solas, Cole, and Christopher so she sat at their usual table beside the fireplace. She didn't know when they would be back and she hated being stuck in limbo, not knowing the outcome. Raven remembered being back home and learning about Schrodinger's Cat from her father; that until something was certain it can be both and neither. Back then she thought it was fascinating but as she stared into the fire, her stomach still churning and feeling restless at the thought of each outcome she despised it.

"Not up for hanging with us tonight?" A deep voice asked breaking Raven from her train of thoughts. Bull took a seat beside her as she looked at him, eyeing his giant hand that reached forward and grabbed a slice of cured ham.

"Just a lot on my mind," she replied quietly and took a piece of cheese from the plate. Bull stared at her with his one good eye and decided he didn't like how withdrawn she seemed to be. With everything they both had been through recently, their time together had been limited. He'd be a fool to not know that she helped the Boss come to the decision to save his men back in the Storm Coast. He'd betrayed the Qun, had become Tal-Vashoth but the support from those he'd become close to had been surprising and thanks to her he still had his men and a place where he was more than just a position and a series of numbers.

"That's nothing a strong drink can't cure." And he was right. If he had a gold piece for every time he used a drink to get his mind off something he'd be able to retire very fat and very rich. It made her smile though.

"The last time I resorted to strong drinks, I woke up naked and in bed with Cullen. I'll stick with my cheese and grapes. What are you doing up here anyway, did Josephine need you for something?" She asked and was genuinely curious but Bull shook his head and gave her one of those kind smiles he was capable of giving but very seldom ever did. With how often Raven and Cullen argued, he supposed it was only a matter of time before the two hashed out their differences between the sheets. He knew nothing would come of it but sometimes that was the only therapy that was needed.

"Nah," he answered as he grabbed a piece of cheese and a grape to pop into his mouth like he'd seen her do so many times and found he really enjoyed the creamy saltiness and juicy sweet flavors together, "You just looked a little down, so I figured I'd make sure you were okay." It was the least he could do. Bull watched her as he explained, not bothering to tell her that it was Cole who had asked him to keep an eye on her while he, Solas, Varric, and the Boss were gone. She didn't need to know that and she'd been doing pretty well with training, spending time with Cullen, going over plans for that ball in Orlais two months away, and keeping herself busy. She was eating more as well which he was glad to see; she'd gotten entirely too thin and it was good to see her putting that weight on again.

"Thanks but I'm fine. The quiet is nice every now and then." He agreed with her words and watched as she grabbed a piece of meat off the plate before looking into the fire. "Back home we had these things called marshmallows. They weren't much more than a simple confection made from sugar, water, and gelatin then formed into a cylinder. Whenever we'd go camping or feel like lighting a fire in the backyard, Dad would go to the store and buy bags of these things along with chocolate and graham crackers for s'mores."

"S'mores, what the hell kind of name is that?" He asked and Raven chuckled.

"It believe it was a play on the words 'some' and 'more'," she explained. "You'd roast marshmallows over the fire so it would become soft, pliable, and the sugar would burn then stick it on a graham cracker, add chocolate, then put another graham cracker over the chocolate to make a sandwich. They were always messy and sticky and I hated them that way so I'd make the stupid thing then pick it apart and eat the components one at a time."

"Sounds weird," Bull commented and Raven simply shrugged not bothering to disagree with him. They were weird and she honestly had no idea what made her think of them or tell him in the first place. Maybe it was because he liked sweets or maybe she was feeling particularly nostalgic at the moment. He watched her relax more as she watched the fire, waiting for her to continue talking or eating but it seemed like she wasn't thinking about doing either. Something was going on in that head of hers but she wasn't sad. Worried would be a better word to describe it.

"So about you and Cole..." He asked while deciding to start at the top of the list of what would most likely be her top priorities and when Bull suddenly found Raven's eyes on him faster than he'd expected he knew he'd guessed right. He should've known. It was always the Kid.

"So about you and Dorian?" She countered and Bull couldn't help but smile. "Lovers yet or are you both still playing coy and hard to get?" Fuck, she was observant, but then again she seemed to know from the start that they would make a great pair. It wasn't like he'd gone to any great lengths to hide the fact that he and the Vint had been sleeping together, it was just something they didn't really talk about in the open. She would be the one to notice though.

"You'll get your answers when I get mine, Girl," he told her and didn't like how she looked away from him.

"That seems to be the main topic with our friends. There is no 'Cole and I'," she told him after a few moments of silence. "He's a spirit, one of my closest friends. I love him for it and all that he is just like I love you and the rest." Her voice was soft and Bull had to struggle to hear her over the crackle of the fire. Once her words sunk in he found himself not believing the entirety of it even though he knew she wouldn't lie to him. When she didn't want him to know something she just didn't talk about it or changed the subject so maybe she simply didn't realize how thin that line actually was.

"Then why are you worried?"

"Do you want the truth?" She asked even though she knew the answer. One glance in his direction caused her to smile. "He's going to have to make a choice that will change everything he is. Either he'll become more like a spirit or he'll become more like a person." Okay, Bull wasn't expecting that. He knew the Boss, Cole, Solas, and Varric were on a mission but that was really what it was about? He continued to look at her, trying to find any sign that something else was going on but found none. Demon or human, he contemplated the options and knew without a doubt what he would want. What did she want though? She never said.

"What do you want him to choose?" Bull asked and watched as her features stayed the same. She gave nothing away.

"I want him to choose what he feels right with and whatever makes him happy." Her reply was simple. Diplomatic. Safe. "Spirit or human, what I want him to choose doesn't matter. It's his decision and I will be there for him no matter what."

Bull continued to stare at her even after she finished speaking and was glad to see her pick up multiple pieces of food and nibble on them. It wasn't a secret between them that he vouched for the girl all those months ago when she was captured and brought to them, even after her strange stories and even stranger devices. He continued to watch and observe her afterward, like he was doing at that exact moment sitting next to her. Mostly it was because of his Ben-Hassrath training but he couldn't deny that the small redhead had captured his attention and respect. Bull respected her dedication, willingness to learn, her badass fighting skills, and the unwavering loyalty he was seeing from her as she spoke of Cole and the others - himself included. It was that loyalty she was hiding behind and using as a crutch.

"I know you'll be there for him, no one expects any different but I know you want one more than the other or else you wouldn't be so concerned. I won't judge you for it if that's what's holding you back." She didn't look at him and didn't speak for a long time. He watched her pop a small square piece of cheese into her mouth, aged sharp cheddar if he remembered right, chew slowly, and swallow.

"I feel like a bad person," Raven admitted quietly, "for wanting him to choose to grow as a person instead of a spirit. The really messed up part, what I don't understand, is why I want it so much." She was able to keep it from Cole the night he left, he would've told her otherwise, but it had been a lingering thought in the back of her mind. She didn't know why she wanted him to choose to move on and work through what had happened to him. In the game his fate usually rested on how she felt and choices she'd made earlier but that was then. Now it felt wrong to choose such an important thing for him.

"For what it's worth, you're not a bad person. The Kid has a lot to learn and it's easy enough to see that he enjoys learning from others," Bull consoled her, not entirely used to or comfortable with talking about feelings, especially with a girl as young as Raven who clearly didn't understand or grasp her feelings well either.

"I guess. Can we stop talking about it and focus on you and Dorian?" She asked quietly while throwing him a small smirk that he would've missed if he hadn't looked at the right time. Not much was said about the two, mainly because she wasn't serious about wanting to know what happened between them. She knew the lifestyle Bull preferred and after a couple questions about that more than anything else she was content to merely sit in silence, her mind miles away, while absentmindedly picking at the food on her plate. It wasn't long before Bull bid her goodnight and made his way to the tavern.

As Raven slowly gained consciousness she realized before even opening her eyes that she wasn't in the safe, private confines of her room. There was no unbelievably warm and constricting feeling of her quilt wrapped around her body and she could hear people talking not so far away. When she finally gathered the strength to open her eyes she was greeted by the sight of Solas on one of the rafters placed around his office quietly mixing paints. Was he really there or was she dreaming? Echoes of ravens could be heard from far above. He looked over to her as she sat up while ignoring her protesting muscles.

"Good morning," he greeted kindly, "I hope you slept well." Raven was silent, staring at him as she tried to wake herself up a little more. "Cole is with Varric but he insisted on bringing you tea. It is on the table beside you." She looked half dead, Solas thought to himself as he stared at her. She was paler than normal, her red hair was undone and tangled, and there were dark circles under her eyes. It wasn't often he saw her so early in the morning so he could only guess it was because she was still waking up and barely coherent. Her eyes did widen when he mentioned Cole and tea.

"Solas?" She asked and he nodded not expecting what happened next. She was up faster than he could blink, all signs of tiredness forgotten, "You're back! How was it? What happened? Where is everyone else?" Her questions came out so fast that in his own tired state he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Calm yourself, Da'len. We arrived late last night," he explained while thinking back to the night before. After Cole's decision it was obvious what the outcome would be. He wanted to ask if she knew what would happen but he wasn't in the mood and it wasn't the time or place to have such a conversation. Raven seemed to comply with his demand and gently sat down again, hand absentmindedly reaching out and grasping the hot tea from the table barely a foot from her. Raven's mind was racing and question after question kept coming to her. If Solas was alone did that mean Cole had chosen humanity or did he simply want to be alone in his area on the top floor of the tavern? If she could see him most of those questions would be answered.

"Do you know where Cole is?" She asked quietly and took a sip of her tea. It was the Masala chai she loved so much and as she drained half the cup in a couple long sips she found herself feeling better. Solas still kept his eyes on her from his place on the rafters.

"No," he finally replied slightly amazed at how she could drink her tea so quickly and how she looked much better after doing so. Solas hated tea as it usually kept him awake but when Cole brought in a cup of what he called 'her special tea' and Solas could smell cinnamon and spices it did pique his curiosity to the point where he planned to ask her about it later. "After he and Varric brought you here, they left and I haven't seen or heard from them since."

Raven's eyes widened. "They brought me here? I apologize, Solas. You could've woken me up and I would've gone to my room." At hearing such contriteness in her voice he suddenly realized how his explanation sounded and mentally cursed.

"It was no trouble, Da'len. When I'm tired things sometimes come out in ways that I do not intend. I was the one who insisted on you sleeping here. I apologize that it isn't as comfortable as your quarters." She seemed to relax with his explanation.

"Please, Solas. You know I love being here. Thank you." Solas watched her drink the rest of her tea, put her cup on the table, stand up, and start to comb her long hair with her fingers where she eventually tied it back and out of her face with the band that had been around her wrist. With a kind farewell he watched as she grabbed her now empty cup and leave his office through the far door and he supposed it was that time; he hadn't slept since coming back and normally he was in his room until after the sun came up so it was strange to be awake and see her make her way to Cullen's office so casually before the sun even began to rise.

Cole watched her make her way from the library to Cullen's office from his place on the battlements. It was still dark and from his distance the only way he could really tell it was her was her copper hair. Even tied back it seemed to shine and reflect the dim light coming from the moon. Varric had gone to sleep over an hour ago after a long discussion about a lot of topics and leaving Cole with all he'd learned, more questions than he could keep track of, and entirely new feelings. As much as he wanted to go to Raven for help, he felt he couldn't. She promised to be there for him the way a friend would but he was scared. Would she be disappointed in his choice? Would she be mad? Varric didn't think she would but part of him still didn't want to take that risk.

She was in Cullen's office for a long time and by the time she came out the sun was rising over the mountainside and her recruits were getting ready in the lower courtyard. Cole still stood there watching, waiting, wondering if or when she would notice him. His stomach started to hurt and even though he wanted to go to Varric, Christopher, Solas, or even The Iron Bull, he stood still and continued to watch. From the corner of his eye he could see Cullen come out of his office with papers in his hand and suddenly stop to watch her like he normally did. Waiting, longing, wanting, wishing that she would look up at him and smile, that she would kiss and touch him and want him like he wanted her; stomach turning, chest aching, growing nervous as she says things he would never expect, and those eyes the color of emeralds. Something about it made Cole want to look away from the man and he didn't know why. They were thoughts he'd often seen and heard from Cullen, nothing had changed.

"Good morning, Cole." It was Cullen who spoke. Had he been so in thought that he didn't hear the man and his clanky armor approach? Cole looked up at Cullen who was smiling kindly like he usually did. "I wasn't aware you were back. Raven didn't mention it," he continued.

"She wouldn't. She was sleeping when we came back last night and then I carried her to the couch in the room Solas uses," Cole explained as he looked away from Cullen and back to Raven training her recruits below, ignoring the slight feeling of jealousy suddenly coming from the armored man.

"Well, I bet she'll be excited once she sees you," the Commander replied as he put a hand to the back of his neck, an action Cole didn't have to see to know it was being done; His mind was elsewhere, seeing into Cullen's loud thoughts as he remembered carrying Raven in his arms when she came back from Val Royeaux with Josephine and Dorian; how small and light she was and how she curled into his chest.

That had been months ago and, not counting their night together, Cullen could count on one hand the amount of times he'd been allowed to get close to her since, the last being before Adamant when she allowed him to caress and massage her shoulder blades and neck. It had been the first time he'd seen her since she reached her breaking point eight days prior. Eight days with no one but Cole knowing how she was. He couldn't understand how she seemed to trust him implicitly and how he was the one she always went to. If she wanted comfort and warmth, Cullen surely could've been there for her and given her what she needed. He couldn't see into her mind but he also wasn't a spirit, he was a human made of flesh and blood and warmth. The thoughts made Cole want to hit him.

"Perhaps," Cole said so quietly that Cullen nearly missed his response. Had something happened between the two before Cole left with The Inquisitor, Varric, and Solas? He couldn't imagine Raven not telling him if there had. "I'm not me anymore. Well, I am but not really. I'm different."

"I don't see how that would make her any less excited to see you. She missed you while you were away." Cole could see it in Cullen's mind.

"She didn't tell you that but you could sense it, feel it during the chess games in your office and in the garden. She reminded you of Mia then, always winning. Thank you for keeping her company. She enjoys spending time with you away from the Inquisition." Cullen stared at Cole as he spoke not sure how he should feel about having anyone or anything in his mind and reading his thoughts. He'd done it on multiple occasions but at least it wasn't private like before.

"Just away from the Inquisition?" Cullen finally asked and Cole nodded.

"Yes. You're calmer, fun, don't judge or treat her like a child, and you make her laugh. She doesn't want to hit you as much." It was easy for Cole to see the surprise on Cullen's face. Even if he didn't suddenly feel it burst from him like a fresh wave Cullen's eyes widened and a noise left his mouth.

"She wants to hit me?" Cullen asked incredulously. He shouldn't have been surprised; there was no doubt that Raven wanted to hit him at least a few times in the months they'd known each other. She'd even admitted it to him once or twice like he admitted to wanting to shake some sense into her for those stupid and careless actions she'd taken in the past, but hearing it from someone else, someone who was with her nearly all the time like a shadow or a bodyguard and who had the ability to see into her mind, was unsettling to him and he didn't know how else to reply.

"It isn't often anymore. It was a lot back in Haven, the camp after Haven, when we arrived at Skyhold, sometimes during council meetings, when you kissed her." Cole stopped speaking and Cullen wasn't sure he wanted to know anymore.

"Not after the night we had?" He asked against his better judgement. Cole shook his head.

"No. She tries so hard to remember the events of that night but nothing shows. She wasn't angry, not with you. Overwhelmed and confused but that was back before she let the hurt start to heal. She's happier now. Stronger and more relaxed. I like her happy." Cullen's mind was still reeling when Varric showed up only a few moments later. The dwarf, as always, was dressed to impress with his chest on full display and his hair pulled back, but he looked more tired than usual. It seemed to be a recurring theme.

"Hey Kid," Varric greeted quietly as he looked up to see shock on Curly's face. Whatever the Kid must've said he wasn't prepared for. "Are you waiting for Ginger to finish up with the recruits?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly looking away from Cullen and down to his friend. "Do you think she'll want to see me now that I'm like this, more real than before?" Varric chuckled to hide his surprise at the Kid's question all while watching Curly stare at them both in utter confusion.

"I know for a fact she'll want to see you. There's nothing to worry about," he replied and could tell there were still doubts and most likely other thoughts floating around the Kid's head. Part of Varric wondered if he'd always had those thoughts or if it was one of the consequences of the choice he'd made to become more human. With a polite farewell Curly made his exit, something about delivering reports, and Varric watched the Kid's head turn to watch the Commander as he walked away before taking a seat on the high wall overlooking the lower courtyard.

"He's jealous of me," Cole muttered quietly while still trying to make sense of what he'd seen and felt from Cullen only minutes ago. Varric's eyes widened but he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Did that really have to be one of the first lessons he'd have to learn as a human? "'Why can't she want me like she wants him?'"

"Kid, now that you're human, you should know that a lot of people are probably jealous of you. Ginger is a strong and attractive woman. You can't do what she does without attracting attention. Curly's one of them." Varric slowly explained while hoping he would catch on. Cole looked away from him and down to the small redhead below them currently demonstrating a new move on the man named Patrick. Cole had spoken to the man a couple times since Raven started her training. The first time was without her present, but neither she nor Patrick knew that. Cole hadn't been angry exactly while he sought the man out, but the actions Patrick had taken during his first training session with Raven didn't make him happy. Even back then Cole couldn't understand why he was so upset but it worked, it helped. Patrick wasn't mean and hurtful anymore, he treated Raven the right way. That was for only him to know, no one else.

"What does that have to do with me?" Cole didn't take his eyes from the two as he asked. How did others opinions of her affect him?

"They want things from her; sex, marriage, power, or maybe something else entirely. It all comes down to earning Raven's loyalty and everyone who knows her and has seen you two together knows that her loyalty belongs to you." It took Cole a few moments to understand what Varric was speaking of. Cullen and others were jealous of him because of how close he and Raven were, the idea seemed silly.

He could understand how others could want things from her and Varric was right in saying she was strong. She was fast, calculating, and vicious on the battlefield and could hold her own with the nobles of Val Royeaux. He also supposed that she was attractive with her soft red hair and green eyes but that wasn't everything, it couldn't be. She was funny and loved helping people and playing with animals. She didn't become upset with him when things weren't said right. She was there to comfort him and she accepted him when others only showed hesitation and fear. Even Christopher. Even Varric.

"They don't need to be jealous, Varric," Cole spoke with a confidence he didn't know he had and Varric shook his head before taking the step forward to lean on the wall Cole was sitting on so he could observe the events below.

"That's where you're wrong, Kid, and you should probably learn this now that you've chosen to grow as a person. If you were to leave, no matter the circumstance, she'd follow without question. This thing between you two is there and I'm not the only one who's seen it."

"Thing?" Cole looked down to his friend as he asked.

"Yeah. Thing. Whatever it is that causes you to watch her the way you do and her to go to you without second thoughts. Maybe you'll learn more as time goes by." Varric didn't doubt he would learn more from everyone he was round on a daily basis, Ginger included. He'd deny it but a part of that idea scared him. What if he did start to understand, what if whatever he was feeling grew. Would he be happy or end up regretting his decision in the time to come? From the grounds below it was Patrick that noticed the two; Cole sitting on the ledge and Varric leaning against it. Once he grabbed the practice dagger that was just knocked out of his hand, he turned to tap Raven on the shoulder which stopped her mid sentence as she spoke to the recruits.

"What?" Her tone was clipped and it made him flinch. She hated being interrupted while she played the role of instructor and maybe she already knew they were back and watching. When she turned to glare at him for not replying he pointed at the two observers and watched as her features suddenly softened making her look more her age than someone much older and experienced in combat.

"Do you want me to take over?" He asked while silently praying to the Maker that he didn't just overstep his bounds and that she wouldn't assume she thought he was disrespecting her. Instead she looked back to him and shook her head.

"We'll be over soon," she replied before she turned her attention back to her men.

"You're a hard man to find when you want to be," Cole looked up from his place on Raven's bed to see her standing in the doorway. She didn't seem mad as she spoke, a little tired and relieved but not mad. He watched as she closed the door and went to her dresser where she undid her harness and put it and her daggers down. He had gone to her room an hour or so ago knowing she would talk to Varric first and then Christopher to hear what happened. It felt strange to be in her room alone. He knew that she never cared before, but would she have a problem now that he wasn't the same?

"I didn't know if you would want to see me. I'm different." Cole looked away not sure if he wanted to see her face now that she was closer so he waited for her words, even knowing how cruel they could be. Those words never came though and he almost jumped back in surprise when she suddenly appeared in front of him, pressing her hands against his upper thighs, using them as leverage to lower herself to her knees and with one quick movement she was in between his legs. He could feel the warmth of the sun radiating from her skin. When Cole looked at her he could feel his chest tighten as his eyes met hers. While he was busy not looking at her he missed the smooth, graceful movements of her hands untying her hair. She was scared, but Cole couldn't tell if she was scared of him or for him. She knew, afterall, what the consequences of his actions would be. Had he chosen wrong?

"I missed you." Her words were soft and he noticed her voice was lower than it usually was. "Are you okay?"

"The hurt is always there now but I made the choice that I wanted," Cole answered while reaching forward to brush some of the long red hair away from her eyes only to have it fall back into place when she shook her head. "Varric is helping me."

Raven stared up at him from her spot on the floor. Now so close to him, she was able to observe smaller differences like the way his skin felt warmer through his leathers and how he seemed less pale than before. He watched her lay her head down on his lap where she closed her eyes, letting herself truly relax for the first time since he left. The action was not lost on him.

"I like that you're more real." Her voice was so quiet that Cole almost didn't hear her. "You're still Cole. You'll always be Cole." As he stared down at her comfortably using his lap as a pillow he let himself smile while feeling foolish. All the worry and fear he felt at the possibility of her wanting nothing to do with him like Rhys had so long ago suddenly seemed silly and perhaps Varric was right; him changing didn't matter because she would care for him and be there for him no matter what he decided.