Chapter Twenty Nine

Jasper

I heard the conversation between Bella and Charlotte and was intrigued by Bella's response to my friend's words about me. She said very little, was guarded, but I could feel something. I just wasn't sure I was reading what I really felt or what I wanted to feel. Then Peter's words caught my attention. He was talking to Megan.

"Yes, we have horses on the ranch. Would you like to ride one?"

"Yes, please! But aren't they very big?"

"Well, some are, but we could find a small one for you to ride. Let's ask your mommy if she'd like to come to visit the ranch. Maybe you could come for the new year."

"Could we? I'd like that but...what about poppa? We can't leave him all alone at Christmas. That wouldn't be very nice."

Peter pulled a face but Megan just stared at him and he laughed as I walked over.

"OK, he can come too as long as he promises to behave. You know the last time he came to our place he blew the doors off the barn."

I rolled my eyes as Megan looked at me shocked.

"Let's have the whole story, Peter. You filled the bucket with dynamite to blow a hole for a new well instead of hiring a digger and forgot to tell me that you had put the fuses in."

Peter pulled a funny face and Megan giggled.

"I guess that might have been true but you pushed the button."

"No. You put it on the rail and I leaned against it. I could have lost an arm."

He waved my words away theatrically.

"But you didn't, and you must admit it made a wonderful bang."

"Can we try that, Uncle Peter? Blow something up."

I stepped in before my devil may care friend had time to agree.

"Maybe we could get some fireworks instead. How would that be? But first, you have to ask your mommy if it's OK to go."

Megan rushed over to Bella who was on her way over and dragged her the final few feet to join us explaining excitedly about Peter's invitation.

"Oh, well. If it's OK with Jasper then yes we can go, of course."

I glanced at her,

"Sorry. Peter tends to open his mouth without engaging his brain. He never considered that we might have made other plans."

"Well, did you, Major? Did you Bella? I would have thought after all we did today you might thank us by agreeing to join us for the new year but if you're too busy well…"

I glared a warning at my friend but as usual, it was water off a duck's back and he merely looked with a semi innocent expression at Bella who melted immediately.

"I don't think we had any plans did we Jasper? It would be nice to have a family event, it would be Megan's first."

She turned to me.

"Do you mind?"

I shook my head, all thoughts of a cosy few days alone with Megan and Bella crushed by Peter's big mouth. On the other hand, maybe it would be a good thing that Bella and I were not alone together. I should try to stand back, to allow Bella and Megan to bond without my presence hovering over them. Whatever Bella decided I would have to bow to her wishes. I had promised myself when I realized that I would be looking after Megan for some time that I wouldn't become too close to the little one but it had proved impossible to achieve. Megan was just so loveable.

Bella

As soon as I accepted Peter's invitation I could sense Jasper's disappointment. Not only that, I felt I should have spoken to him first. Did I really want to be among strangers? I wondered if it might help me make sense of my feelings for Jasper. To decide on my next move, but a huge part of me would have preferred to be in the house alone with Jasper and Megan to see the new year in. In short, I was terribly conflicted.

Megan, on the other hand, couldn't wait to visit the ranch and see the horses. The hotel room didn't finally clear until Megan fell asleep on Jasper's lap, thumb in her mouth, exhausted by her long and eventful day.

While he saw everyone out I took Megan from him and put her to bed. One night without a bath or brushing her teeth wouldn't hurt although I felt slightly guilty about it.

The peace when we found ourselves alone was almost deafening and for the first time, I felt a slight strain in the atmosphere. Deciding to clear the air while we were alone I asked Jasper to join me on the couch but he took the armchair opposite increasing the chill in the air.

"Jasper, first let me thank you for all you've done today. I do appreciate it and that of your friends."

"You're very welcome."

"Now I know I was wrong to accept Peter's invitation without consulting you. I didn't really think before I spoke."

"There's no need to apologize to me. You are in control of your life and Megan's."

"Actually I think I share the responsibility for Megan with you."

He shook his head, "No, Megan is your daughter."

I frowned, he wasn't making this easy for me and I didn't know how to say what I wanted to.

"Jasper, please. I'm trying to apologize for my faux pas. I was carried away by the relief of the news I was rid of Edward."

He continued to stare into space, refusing to meet my gaze and I felt like screaming. I wanted our easy relationship back. I missed it dreadfully.

"It's probably a good idea to leave Boston for a while. I wouldn't be too sure that you've seen the last of Edward. He's not so easy to shake off. At least at the Whitlock ranch, you'll have plenty of protection if he decides to try something."

"You think I don't trust you to do that? Please don't insult me or yourself by insinuating that."

He sighed and finally turned to look straight at me and I was shocked to see the pain in his eyes.

"Bella, I guess it's time to be brutally honest about things. I knew when I took Megan on that my time with her would be limited and I tried very hard not to become too attached to her. I failed miserably but that's my problem, not hers or yours. I freely admit that I must relinquish her into your care and I guess the sooner the better. This would be the ideal time. I know you'll be safe at the ranch and Peter and Charlotte will help you as much as you need, Darius too, until you get yourself settled. I wish you all the luck in the world and many years of happiness with Megan. You both deserve it and please don't think I'm bitter about it because I'm not. I truly want you to get all the enjoyment I have found with Megan. She's a truly wonderful little girl and I know she will go to be an outstanding woman."

He stood up suddenly startling me and straightened as if coming to a decision.

"I should go. I wanted to say goodbye to Megan but maybe it would be better in the long run if I was just gone. I would like to leave her a letter which you can give her when you see fit."

This was worse than I could ever have imagined. He couldn't possibly just up and leave. It would kill Megan and….

"Jasper. Sit down and listen to me. You had your say, so do me the courtesy of listening to what I have to say before walking out."

He sighed heavily but sat back down resuming his perusal of the wall opposite so I continued hurriedly.

"There is so much going on in my head right now that it's making me feel dizzy. I've just discovered that the baby I thought I had lost is still alive and a beautiful little girl. I've got divorced, lost the only family I still had, and am suddenly surrounded by kindly strangers who are all friends of yours for which I owe you a debt of gratitude."

He opened his mouth to speak but I wasn't finished and I knew if I allowed him to interrupt I wouldn't have the courage to continue.

"Please, Jasper. Let me finish."

He nodded and sat forward looking very uncomfortable but I ignored this and after taking a deep breath to steel myself I went on.

"Please, look at me so I know you are hearing what I have to say, Jasper."

Reluctantly he pulled his attention from the seemingly so interesting wall and gazed at me.

"Thank you. Right, this isn't easy for me, so please don't interrupt. Megan loves you, she regards you as her father and that's as it should be. I can't think of anyone else who would have made the sacrifices you did for a child they had no blood ties to. There is no way you can just walk away from her... or from me. You belong in our lives and I'm asking you not to do such a cruel thing. I was wrong to accept Peter's invitation and if that was the impetus for your decision then I apologize. I would rather spend the last few days of this year with you than with anyone else."

"Bella.."

I held up a warning finger and he subsided.

"Thank you. Jasper, I don't know what the future holds for me or for Megan but there is one thing I am one hundred per cent sure of, that our future includes you. I… I don't know where this will lead but I know I have feelings for you that have nothing to do with gratitude. What I would like to do is to back out of Peter's invitation until after the new year and ask if Megan and I could spend this time with you. It's not perfect I know, I wish I could be more certain about my feelings but I'm too afraid to make that final step just yet. So, could we play it slowly? If that is, I haven't read this completely wrong. If so then I apologize unreservedly for embarrassing both of us and I will understand if you get up and walk out right now. It will make no difference to how I feel about you but I know it will hurt Megan tremendously but that will be my problem, not yours. OK. End of speech."

I sat back and waited, my fists clenched with tension and my heart in my mouth.

The silence grew until it was almost unbearable and I wanted to scream at him, throw something, do anything that might elicit a response.

Before he could answer me we were interrupted by a piercing scream from the bedroom and both ran to Megan's side. She was sitting up in bed her eyes open wide, staring at the window. Seeing us she threw herself at Jasper hugging him with her arms wound tight around his neck.

"Hey, Meg, it's OK we're here. Did you have a bad dream?"

She couldn't speak for sobbing and it took a good fifteen minutes to calm her sufficiently to understand what she was saying.

"It's daddy. He's going to try and take me away from you poppa, mommy. You won't leave me, will you? Poppa, you have to stay with mommy and me. We're family."

Jasper's eyes met mine over Megan's head, she had put into words what I had feared to do.

I saw him make a decision and held my breath. What would it be?

"Megan, I made you a promise. Do you remember? "

She nodded.

"Well, if I go away I can't keep that promise, can I? Besides, mommy has asked me to stay and I really don't want to leave either of you. OK?"

She nodded sniffing and wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve until I handed her a tissue.

She unwound one arm and grabbed my hand, "You promise too, mommy. Promise you'll look after me and you won't leave. Promise."

I smiled at her smoothing the tangles away from her face, "I promise, Megan. Now, can you tell us what you saw in your dream?"

She took a few gulps of air and sniffed a couple of times before speaking in a small trembling voice.

"I saw daddy, or I think it was daddy. I didn't see his face but I know it was him. He was with some other shadow men and they came into my room and tried to take me from my bed. I screamed and I struggled and the door opened but then I woke up and I was all on my own."

"Then we'll never leave you alone and make sure your daddy will never take you away. We're going to stay at Peter's ranch for the new year. That way there will be lots of people to look after you and make sure he can't get anywhere near you. Is that better?"

She nodded and after more reassuring words and cuddles she finally settled down and drifted off to sleep once more.

Conscious that if she woke and found herself alone again she would panic we settled on the edges of the bed and spoke quietly.

"Thank you for staying, Jasper. I'm embarrassed that it was Megan who said what I was thinking. I think spending some time at Peters will kill two birds with one stone. It means Megan will have a small army of bodyguards and it means that hopefully you and I can take some time to be alone. To talk and get to know each other better. You know I realized that I know very little about you. To me, you were Alice's husband and most that I heard about you was from Edward, not the most unbiased of commentators."

He sighed, smiling a little at my words.

"I think you and I need to talk certainly but my overriding reason for staying is Megan's safety. I made a promise and I refuse to break it."

I nodded my agreement feeling a little crushed by his words but then the smile broadened a little.

"Of course, the idea of getting to know you better has it's attractions too."

If I hadn't feared to wake Megan I would have leaned across and hit him but as it was I just glared. I couldn't hold it though, a smile broke through. Maybe there was something building between Jasper and me.