Ambivalence
Chapter 24: Savior
By: Knowledge Eater
Disclaimer: Ubisoft owns Far Cry 5, I just like to play with their world and characters.
When everyone went about their duties, including Aiden, Faith had nothing to do in her cell but sit and think. Once the adrenaline from the fear of the gunfight faded, the realization that she chose to aid the resistance over the Father weighed heavily on her conscious. Well, she chose to help Aiden which only benefited the resistance. Still, the guilt of her traitorous actions quickly ate at her thoughts.
It was one thing for her to tell Tracey where to find the Father, she blamed it on her own weakness and the desperation for another dose. She groaned at the thought, to sell out the Father for drugs was unthinkable and pathetic on her end. Then the fear kicked in, there was no way she would be forgiven. But for her to continue helping Aiden? She blamed it on the gratitude she continued to feel for him when he kept helping her, he shielded her from Tracey when she took a step towards her after she admitted that the Bliss had been in the county's water supply for years.
No one had ever protected her like that. It made her feel happy and strangely she felt like she was wanted. Though she knew the latter was only wishful thinking, Aiden's rejection all too frequently ran through Faith's head.
Now that she had a moment to calm down she had nothing to do but think of her decisions. She couldn't say she regretted them, but she couldn't fight the guilt that came with it. She couldn't help but think that no matter which side she chose she'd be unhappy. If she stayed with the Father he would either forgive her, but at the expense of losing most of their family and the losing battle against the resistance. But if he didn't forgive her she'd either be cast out or…
If a father could murder his own child, his own flesh and blood, what could he do to a sister in name only?
On the other hand, siding with the resistance she would continue to live like she was now, alone and rotting in some jail for probably the rest of her life. Or she would be killed once she outlived her usefulness, which was rapidly approaching, maybe once she created the solution to ward off the effects of the Bliss.
"Chin up, flower girl."
Faith jolted from Tracey's sudden voice.
Ignore her, Faith thought. Whatever her former friend had to say to her it couldn't possibly make her feel any worse. Unless she meant to taunt her with more drugs, she was already sweating and her muscles were aching something fierce which didn't help with the pain in her ribs and back. Faith suppressed a groan as she watched Tracey step into her cell. She was really not in the mood to deal with whatever torment would be inflected on her next.
But the usual angry expression Tracey typically wore was missing, instead she almost looked relaxed with a hint of curiosity in her dark eyes.
"So I have to ask, why the sudden change of heart? Or are you just trying to save your own skin now that you see we're winning this war?"
Faith remained silent and hoped Tracey would just leave. She didn't seem to take the hint or just didn't care, most likely the latter.
"Are you really doing all this for the rook? Is he that special to you?"
A light sigh escaped the Bliss herald. "Why do you care? I'm finally helping your people, it's what you wanted wasn't it? Why you did all those things to me so I could crack and tell you what you wanted to know."
Something flashed in Tracey's expression which almost looked like guilt. As quickly as it appeared it vanished and was replaced with a frown. "Like I said, I'm curious. I know you aren't helping us out of the goodness of your heart. Everything you do is for a reason, you have something to gain out of it somehow."
Faith found herself shaking her head. An argument was another thing she was most definitely not in the mood for. She'd honestly would rather just take a deep breathing exercise Aiden showed her than have to argue with Tracey. Even when they were still friends she loathed the arguments they got into, especially when sober.
With a heavy sigh, Faith ultimately decided to humor her former friend's questions. They would at least offer some sort of small distraction from her thoughts. Still, her back burned as a reminder of the last time she spent time alone with Tracey. She unconsciously moved which aggravated a particular long welt on her back and she winced. There was that quick flash of guilt again which nearly caused Faith to laugh, she blamed the sight on her withdrawal, Tracey never felt guilty about anything.
"I'm helping Aiden because he saved my life," Faith explained. But the simple answer didn't feel like enough, it didn't cover everything that she felt grateful to Aiden for. "He could have easily left me to die, but he chose to save me. He was," she paused to swallow the lump that formed in her throat, "he was always kind and gentle and patient with me. He was…forgiving in a way, despite everything that I did to him and the people here."
Tracey rolled her eyes and scoffed. "The rook is like the sheriff, through all this hell he remains professional and stays in his deputy mode. He's treating you no different than how he would treat any other prisoner."
Faith felt her chest sink down to her ankles. She was all too aware that Aiden was only being respectful to her as his prisoner, but thinking about it and now having someone repeat it to her still hurt. It was stupid for her to have any feelings for him, she knew, but she couldn't help it. No one ever treated her the way he has and they got along so well despite their opposing sides in this conflict.
A cramp pushed at her stomach, Faith welcomed the pain as a distraction from her depressing thoughts. Sweat collected on her brow and she wiped at it with the back of her hand.
"I was the one that told him to kill you, you know?" Tracey said.
A wave of shock hit Faith that felt like she had been slapped and was dumped in ice cold water. She shouldn't have been surprised yet she was. Friendships were more easily broken than establishing them, especially with Tracey's tough love. But they were so close once, Tracey was more of a sister to her than a friend. Even during their years apart she missed her terribly.
Did she truly change so much, become so monstrous, that her own best friend saw no other alternative but to see her dead?
Moments passed in silence, Faith wanted to so desperately break it, but she didn't have anything to say.
Tracey continued to speak, but her face looked relaxed. "Guess even from the beginning he had a soft spot for you since he spared you. Though with how things are turning out his judgement call may have been the better option. Who knows how it would turn out when we all confronted the Father."
Faith was still processing the thought of Tracey ordering her death. Then she remembered, she became close to Hope County's mayor. Tracey said he was murdered by the marshal. So she was to blame, and overridden with grief Tracey must've ordered Aiden to kill her. She understood her former friend's reason, but it still hurt. It hurt more to think that this was how their friendship resulted.
"What are you doing?"
Faith paused and realized she had been digging her nails into her arms. "I'm sorry," she muttered. She hadn't expected to say the words, but she did anyway. And she kept going. "It won't…fix us, it won't take away the pain I caused, it won't…bring him back."
"Stop," Tracey warned.
The Bliss herald couldn't bring herself to look at her former friend's face, she kept her head bowed down. More sweat collected on her forehead and she swiped her arm on it. The cramps were getting worse that made her bend forward until she rested her elbows on her knees. Despite her back crying out in protest of her siting position, Faith felt herself missing the friendship and familiarity with Tracey. It was easier to distance herself from their friendship amongst company of the Father and the rest of the project members. But to be within the same room with her former friend and have such animosity between them both it made her miss Tracey all the more.
"If I hadn't…if I left the Project with you," Faith paused to think on how to ask the question clearly. Thankfully Tracey watched her patiently. "Do you think things would still be like this?"
The hooded woman was quiet for a moment, probably deep in thought. "No," she answered eventually. "Without you they wouldn't have the Bliss. They'd still be a threat, after all their numbers were mostly built before the Bliss, but they wouldn't have a lot of their advantages that they do now. We can only imagine how different things would be."
Faith licked her dry lips. "You've told me so many times I'm too…nice for my own good. If I weren't on their side do you think I would have survived this far?"
Tracey smirked and just like that the anger and tension between them evaporated. Faith felt like they were back to where they were seven years ago before the Project. "Of course you would. I'd have your back."
A mixture of emotions twisted in Faith's chest, regret, happiness, sorrow. The corner of her lips pulled upwards ever so slightly. "You've always looked out for me."
"Stop," Tracey warned, her tone sounded hard. "You won't tug at my heartstrings, I've learned my lesson not to trust you."
And just like that the tension and animosity was back between them.
It's my fault, Faith thought. She became so lost in enjoying the attention and special attention the Father and his followers gave her that she sacrificed her only friend.
Missing their friendship even more strongly, Faith fought against the tears and wanted to make herself as little as possible. She made no attempt to muffle her pained groans as she struggled to pull her legs up onto the cot and hugged her knees against her chest. She turned so she could rest her shoulder against the wall and gave her back towards Tracey, then she rested her cheek on top of her knees so she faced the wall.
"My parents were right," Faith whispered to herself, but still loud enough for Tracey to hear. She hugged her knees tighter and welcomed the pain her position forced on her ribs and throbbing back. "I do everything wrong."
The cell was silent, Faith expected to hear Tracey's light footsteps and the sound of the cell door opening and closing. Instead Tracey muttered a few curses and her footsteps grew closer. Faith shut her eyes and awaited whatever would be done to her next.
"You're really a pro at this, you know? No wonder Joseph liked you. Here."
Faith turned her head and saw Tracey had her palm open towards her. Her heart leaped when she saw the syringe that was offered.
"Take it, before I change my mind."
Not needing to be told again, Faith quickly snatched her prize before it could be pulled away.
"If you're going to make us Bliss proof you'll need to be in tip top shape, huh? I can easily recognize when you're going through the withdrawal motions."
Faith wasted no time in rolling up her sleeve, promptly ignored the tattoo on her forearm, and uncapped the syringe before expertly stabbing the needle into the crook of her elbow. A small smile grew on her face and she shut her eyes for a moment.
She hid the now empty syringe under her blanket and returned to hugging her knees. "Thank you," she whispered to Tracey's retreating back.
Faith fully believed that Tracey was only helping her keep her withdrawal symptoms at bay just so she could fully concentrate on helping her people, but a small part of her hoped it was another way of her former friend just watching out for her.
She was given a few minutes of peace to bask in the high. She was no longer sweating and actually felt the cold pouring in from the small window, both the cramps and her other hurts faded to a subtle throb. A smile grew on her face, above how she felt physically, she felt a little happier. It was nice to feel normal again, just for a little while.
Her heightened hearing quickly caught on to the sound of approaching footsteps. They were too heavy to be Tracey's.
Soon Aiden appeared at the cell bars. He looked surprised to see her curled up on the cot, but Faith quickly jumped to her feet to avoid his questions.
"Did you get everything on the list?" She asked.
The junior deputy nodded. "Everything and more," he grinned. "Luckily the doctor had most of the stuff. Speaking of which, you don't mind if he tags along and observes while you make the repellant potion, right?"
One of Faith's eyebrow's twitched at the name Aiden had for her solution. She couldn't help but comment on it, "Repellant potion? You make it sound like…something for bugs but also something that can be drunk."
A grin grew on Aiden's face which made his face all the more handsome as Faith couldn't help but realize. She felt her heart drop at the memory of his rejection and scolded herself for still getting hung up on him.
Stop it, she told herself, we have no future together. Under normal circumstances he wouldn't even be interested.
"Well it's meant to repel the Bliss, right? Then it's liquidy and we're going to drink it so then it's a potion. Repellant potion."
Despite how depressed Faith had been feeling Aiden always had a way to make her feel better, a smile grew on her face and she had to hold in a chuckle. "While I don't have a name for it, I don't know if repellant potion has much of a ring to it. Anyway, where will I be working? Here?"
Aiden replied with a shrug. "I know the equipment you're using takes up a bit of room. Do you need more space?"
Faith looked about her small, cramped cell. "Preferably, yes," she paused to think of a more suitable area to work in. "What about the laundry room? It's spacious, it has plenty of tables I can use, and it's unoccupied."
The male nodded. "Okay, I'll get the stuff moved over there then. I stopped by to give you this."
Faith looked down and noticed he held what looked to be a sandwich wrapped in a paper towel.
"With all the chaos this morning I just realized we didn't have the chance to eat," Aiden explained.
A smile grew on Faith's face again as she accepted the food. She had been too distracted by her inner turmoil earlier to realize how hungry she was.
"I'll set everything up while you finish that then," Aiden told her before he left the cell.
It didn't take Faith long to eat the spam and egg sandwich, she was so hungry she finished it in four bites. Aiden returned soon after and escorted her to the laundry room. Upon approaching it she still felt her heart beat a little faster in apprehension. She knew Tracey or Jess wouldn't be waiting for her inside the room, still she couldn't shake the anxiety that slowly crept inside her.
Inside the room two tables were used to hold the things she requested. Two others were inside the room. Faith recognized the doctor, he stood nearby the occupied tables, a small notepad and pencil in hand. The shine of curiosity was still in his eyes as he watched her.
The other person in the room made Faith's heart beat faster again, Tracey stood leaning back against one of the washing machines right across from the tables Faith would be working on.
Faith had fully been expecting to be observed while she made the solution, but to actually have so many eyes on her made her feel a little insecure.
This isn't much different when you worked on the Bliss, she reminded herself. Having the Father observe her while she experimented on the Bliss was much more nerve wrecking.
There was really nothing to say from that point. Faith immediately headed for the tables and reached for the notebook, pencil and calculator. The doctor was immediately next to her to watch as she wrote down a series of numbers.
"What are you doing? Math homework?" Tracey asked dryly.
Faith shook her head. "I'm used to making this solution in massive quantities. It won't take me long to calculate the proper ratios for a much smaller batch."
True to her word, Faith figured out the numbers to create a smaller batch of the solution and immediately got to work. It was a bit annoying at first with the doctor keeping such a close eye on what she was doing and writing down notes. Eventually Faith just started explaining the process just so he would keep his distance and she could have some elbow room to work.
There was one process that had them waiting, the solution had to be boiled and then cooled. Faith peered around the room while she waited, the doctor was organizing his notes, Tracey still stood leaning against a washer, her arms crossed over her chest, but her eyes were closed. Whether she was actually asleep or just resting her eyes Faith had no idea. Aiden looked beside himself with boredom, he paced and bit at his nails.
"Aiden," Faith called him.
The man stopped his pacing and approached her. "What's up? You need anything?"
She watched him with a smile and shook her head. "You pacing is making me a bit anxious," she admitted. "To kill the time, why don't you work on your singing?"
Aiden paled at the suggestion. When the doctor and Tracey looked at him his cheeks flushed. "Err…well I'm sure there are some things the sheriff has for me to do."
The moment he began to inch closer to the exit, Faith felt ice run through her veins and her heart thumped painfully in her chest. Her eyes immediately looked towards Tracey. Surely she wouldn't do anything to her while she was working on the solution, right?
Speaking of which, she eyed that the solution began to boil and she immediately removed it from the hot plate and transferred it to the small ice bath that she prepared. When she looked back to Aiden all signs of his self-consciousness was gone as he seemed to look over both herself and then to Tracey. As quickly as his calculating eyes had hardened when he peered at Tracey they quickly softened when he looked back at her.
"I mean, they both have heard me sing," he admitted.
"Please don't make him sing to us," the doctor pleaded to her.
He had been so quiet that Faith jumped when she heard his voice. She suppressed a laugh. "Then it's time to work on training your counter," Faith said as she checked over the solution. It was still too warm. "You said you're conditioned to react upon hearing a specific song. I need you to imagine you're hearing it, and then immediately start singing. Can you do that?"
There was a small flash of fear in Aiden's cyan eyes, but he nodded. "Yeah, I can."
Both Tracey and the doctor groaned.
"Hey!" Aiden told them. "I don't sing that bad." Then in a much smaller voice he said, "do I?"
"No offense, rook," Tracey told him. "I've heard better, but it's that you've been singing so much lately."
Aiden looked so offended he gaped like a fish out of water, Faith had to suppress another laugh. "If you all wouldn't say Peggies all the time I wouldn't have to!"
Tracey looked at Faith with an angry expression and she couldn't help but pause. "You put him up to that?" Despite her expression, her tone was not angry at all.
Faith shrugged. "It's part of his counter conditioning."
As if on cue, Aiden began humming which quickly turned into soft singing. It wasn't loud enough to echo inside the room, but loud enough for them to hear the lyrics he sang. Faith felt a surge of emotion swirl thickly inside her chest upon hearing the words, he was singing the song they worked on together.
"Don't think I've ever heard that song," the doctor muttered. "And I hear everything." He was quiet a moment longer to hear more of the lyrics that Aiden sang. "I like it."
A blush warmed Faith's cheeks and she pretended to be deeply engrossed on checking the temperature of the solution again. Thankfully it cooled and she resumed working on it all while explaining the remaining steps to the doctor. Tracey resumed with her quiet presence and Aiden continued working on his singing for a few minutes longer.
"This worked well enough at first, but what's the next step?" Aiden asked.
Faith was bottling the now completed solution. The batch would be enough for twenty people, but the doctor had the instructions on how to make it if more was needed for the resistance.
"The next part would be to actually hear the first few seconds of the song and work on your counter reaction."
Aiden paled again. "I would feel more comfortable if I'm unarmed and locked up in my cell before trying that."
Faith nodded. "The sooner you work on that the better."
"It may not even be needed," Tracey commented. "Not if this stuff works the way you say it will."
Aiden shook his head. "I don't want to risk it. As Faith said, the Father will be ready to use all of his tricks. Once he sees that the Bliss isn't working on everyone what if he starts playing that song?"
"You against all of us won't be a problem, no offense," Tracey argued.
"I don't doubt that, but I don't want to hurt even one of you guys, or worse."
Tracey sighed. "Whatever, you have a few days to work on it anyway while we get everything ready, and while we get this stuff to the militia and Fall's End." She looked at Faith. "Is it ready to be tested then?"
The shortest female nodded and adjusted her weight off her injured leg, she had been standing for too long and it was starting to ache. "Obviously all we need is Bliss."
Tracey fished out a small glass jar from her pocket. "I'm sure you're aware that you'll be testing it on yourself."
Faith nodded.
"Drink up then, flower girl," Tracey smirked.
The Bliss herald shook her head. "No, for it to work it has to be in the bloodstream quickly. Ingesting it will take too long and it weakens its effectiveness."
She turned to the other table and took a small syringe. The needle was just an inch long. As she filled it with the solution she heard the doctor scribble furiously on his notepad.
"Everyone will have to inject it. Different injection sites were tested, but the easiest is to inject it on the upper arm," Faith explained. To demonstrate her explanation, she rolled up her sleeve, wiped her arm with one of the alcohol wipes that was provided on the table with the other supplies, and then she injected the solution.
"It works quickly as it's spread through the bloodstream," she continued while she rolled down her sleeve. Her eyes widened when she noticed the track marks in the crook of her elbow were easily noticeable. She looked up and felt her heart drop, she noticed the way Aiden's eyes lingered on her arm and his eyes narrowed.
Shame hung heavy in her chest. It was different to feel this way if it were the Father or someone else in the Project that would have seen them since they were to oppose the usage of drugs, and years ago she wouldn't have cared if anyone would have noticed them. But with Aiden it felt different.
"How long will it take to be in effect after it's injected?" The doctor's question pulled Faith from her thoughts.
"Immediately," Faith began to explain before she felt a wave of liquid hit her in the face. The liquid had a earthy taste, almost like dirt but not quite, with a small trace of a floral taste. Tracey had thrown Bliss on her.
Faith blinked hard and wiped the liquid from her eyes. "As I was saying," with Aiden nearby she felt brave enough to give a small glare at Tracey, who looked back at her with a smirk. "It works immediately, but if you're exposed to the Bliss too soon, like now, the Bliss can still affect you, but the solution will slowly neutralize it." She blinked again and shook her head to rid the appearance of a foggy meadow that kept wanting to replace the laundry room. Soon enough the laundry room stopped fading and she looked at everyone in the room.
"Does this prove that it works?" She asked them.
"Not quite," Tracey crossed her arms.
"How long will it last?" The doctor asked again.
"About an hour," Faith replied. "It also depends on how much Bliss the person is exposed to, but for it to bypass the concentration of the solution it would have to be enough Bliss to turn a person into an Angel."
"Any side effects?" The doctor didn't even look up from his notepad, he kept writing furiously.
"Light headedness. I've had no other side effects and nor has anyone else told me otherwise."
The doctor nodded, continued writing, but ceased with his questions. Tracey still looked unconvinced which Aiden quickly noticed as well.
"Give me a dose," he announced and began to unbutton his green plaid shirt. He wore a black undershirt underneath. Faith felt her eyes immediately roam to the exposed part of Aiden's chest. The shirt was low and tight enough to show the hard muscle underneath. And whether it was due to his light colored hair or because he shaved, his chest looked clean and smooth. She suddenly wandered what it would feel like to run her hand along his chest.
Faith quickly looked away and scolded herself again. It had been a while for her, maybe if she found someone to satisfy her physical urges she could control herself better with Aiden around, but considering her situation it looked like she would be without satisfying those urges for years to come. The thought depressed her even more, though it was the thought that she would never have Aiden intimately that depressed her more.
She wondered if Aiden had a wife. No, he didn't wear a ring and he never mentioned being married or of having any children. A girlfriend maybe? With his looks and personality it was a guarantee he had a girlfriend. The good ones were always taken. A surge of jealousy ran through Faith.
Focus, she scolded herself for the umpteenth time.
She prepared another syringe with the solution and handed it to Aiden along with another alcohol wipe. He mimicked her actions earlier and injected the needle himself with only a small grimace.
"That was a lot easier than I thought," he smiled proudly and puffed out his chest. "I admit I'm not a big fan of needles."
"Good thing I have more of these," Tracey replied. She withdrew another bottle of Bliss from her pocket, unscrewed the top, and tossed the contents onto Aiden's face. He sputtered and wiped his eyes.
"A little heads up would be appreciated," he told her.
Tracey rolled her eyes. "Like Joseph will give you a heads up."
Aiden blinked and looked about the room. A few times he would blink again, shake his head, and then he looked at the three in the room with a smile and lifted a thumbs up. "It works. Can confirm."
That seemed to ease the last of Tracey's doubt. She looked to the doctor. "Can you make more yourself," she asked him.
The man in question looked at his notes before he pushed his glasses back up onto the ridge of his nose and nodded.
"I'd feel more comfortable if we tested out one of your batches first, Charles." Tracey said. "Make one now. I'll test it myself."
The hooded woman looked at Faith and seemed to give her a mental warning that the solution had better work or the consequences would be dire. Faith couldn't help the small shiver that crawled along her spine.
While the doctor worked Faith watched to make sure he did everything correctly. In the end he did everything perfectly, not that preparing the solution was difficult. Tracey injected a dose to test it and was promptly satisfied with the results. A rare smile grew on her face.
"Now we just need to make more, bottle it up and send it to the others. Then we can end this hell."
Aiden nodded. "While you guys work on that I think I'll go pick up Jess and Sharky. We'll need them for the confrontation with Joseph."
Tracey nodded. "We got it from here, just don't be late meeting us there, rook."
Aiden saluted before he led Faith out of the room. Instead of leading her towards her cell, as she expected, he took her to his own cell. Normally she would be delighted and relieved to be alone with him, but knowing that he noticed her track marks and with how he kept looking at Tracey she couldn't help but feel a little hesitant of the conversation that might be coming.
They went into the isolated cell and he gently shut the door behind him, Faith felt her heart beat faster. She did her best to keep a neutral expression.
"Hey, sorry to bring you in here suddenly," Aiden started. He looked unsure of what to say as he fumbled with his words and rubbed the back of his head while keeping his gaze away from her.
Faith stuttered just a bit as well, "is there something wrong?"
"Well," he paused again and his face softened, "I'll never force you to tell me what you don't want to talk about."
The Bliss herald's arm immediately went to her sleeve and tugged on it. The sleeve was already down and covered her wrist, still she felt self-conscious about her marks.
"Is—is everything okay?"
Her mouth opened to immediately ensure that she was indeed fine, but she paused. "Considering the circumstances? I'm…surviving."
Aiden looked saddened by her answer. She admitted close enough to the truth without lying or confessing all of the details. For being imprisoned, denied sleep, starved and beaten all while possibly falling in love with the very man that put her in the jail, surviving was precisely the best way to describe everything.
"Okay," Aiden replied. "I'm no professional, but I did tell you that I always wanted to be a psychologist. I will listen to anything you have to say and I won't judge you for it."
Surprisingly, Faith felt the need to confess everything to Aiden then and there. She had been bottling everything that's happened in the last few weeks that she felt like it was slowly driving her mad and maybe talking about it to Aiden could help her feel just a little more sane. But still she hesitated. How would he react upon hearing of Tracey and Jess tormenting her? No doubt he had his suspicions, but she had no idea how he would react if she were to confirm it. Would he judge and dismiss her just for relapsing back to her drug addiction?
Faith shook her head. "I was happy, Aiden. After years of loneliness and self-loathing I was finally happy. Now?" She paused to swallow and control her emotions. Last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him. "Do you really need to ask if everything is…okay?"
He looked as if she had slapped him and Faith suddenly felt bad for making him look so guilty.
After a silent moment Aiden sighed and finally met her eyes. "While I can never be sorry for doing what I had to do in order to save people's lives, I am…sorry it came down to this. I understand you must hate me, but…I remember what you told me in the Bliss once. You said you finally wanted to live and you were scared if it came down to dying for the Father. Do you wish that I didn't go back for you in the river just to spare you from having to live without everything that made you happy?"
It was a question that Faith asked herself numerous times as she sat alone in her cell. "I…don't know," she confessed. "There are times that I do feel like I hate you for all that you've done."
Sorrow twisted in her chest as she watched Aiden's face sadden. She thought back on what Tracey had told her about him, was she honest? Could he have developed some sort of feelings for her too? She couldn't think of any other reason why he would appear sad if she did hate him. She was just his prisoner after all, why would he care about their relationship?
"But it's not like you did all of that just to hurt me. It's," she sighed, "it's easier to hurt others when you have people that encourage it and make you feel like you're not in the wrong. It's easier to do…horrible things when you aren't out there to witness it all."
Faith stepped closer to Aiden and she was relieved to see that he didn't back away to create more distance between them. He no longer looked sad and she could see the curiosity in his eyes as she continued to speak. "You didn't have to save me, but you did. Despite everything I did to these people, what I did to you…you still remembered what I said about not wanting to die. Of being scared of it. You were kind to save my life when it was so much easier to walk away. No one's…no one has treated me the way you have."
She paused and fought the urge to reach for Aiden's cheek or arm. She just wanted to touch him, but she knew he would pull away. "You've seen the bruises," she whispered, "you're not dumb, you can guess what happened. I'm not naïve enough to think more of this won't happen in whatever prison I end up in. A U.S. Marshal is dead because of me."
Aiden interjected, "but you didn't physically murder him."
Faith smiled sadly. "Does it matter? And what of all the other things I've done? The Bliss? The Angels?" She shook her head. "But my point is, you've treated me more kindly than anyone I've ever known. Just you being in the room makes me feel so much better and…happy." She took another step forward. "No, I could never hate you, Aiden." Her tongue and lips refused to voice the rest of what she wanted. She wanted to admit her feelings to him, but she was too cowardly to do so. She didn't want to be rejected again. Knowing they could never be together hurt enough.
Finally she turned away from him and stepped away. "If you were in Hope County before…if we had ever met before all of this, I think things would have been very different. To answer your question from so long ago, no I wouldn't have joined the Project if I had happiness elsewhere."
"Faith," Aiden told her gently. He paused and looked conflicted on what to say.
"That's not," she didn't want to hear his rejection again. She quickly headed towards the door. "Please don't, let's just go pick up your friends and you can end all of this where it started."
After a silent moment Aiden collected himself and tugged her arm gently until she turned to look at him. "Before we get to that, there was another reason I wanted to talk to you privately in here." He took a deep breath and exhaled as he paced. "My singing as a counter condition has been great thanks to you, but before we confront the Father I want to be absolutely sure it'll work. I know he'll play that song."
"Only you?" Faith sung the words.
The junior deputy's eyes bulged and he quickly back up until his back hit the floor. His chest began to heave as he breathed rapidly. Faith was about to remind him to sing, but he beat her to it. He sang their song again. Even though it was half finished, he kept singing the few lyrics she wrote over and over.
Faith mustered all of her courage and approached him. She grabbed his arm and placed his palm over her chest again, right over her heart. He knew to time his breaths with her heart beat, even though she was a bit scared her heart was still beating much slower than his rapid breaths. Soon he calmed and a wide, honest smile grew on his face.
"It worked, kinda," he announced. "I don't know if you singing it was enough to trigger me, but it felt like it was. My vision was darkening just a tiny bit and—wait how did you know that was the song?"
Faith blinked in surprise that she was able to understand everything Aiden said. He said everything so fast. "I was aware of that little music box Jacob always kept. I knew the song it played. So I just took a calculated guess."
Aiden shook his head but the smile was still on his face. "Guess your exercises helped. But…I would like to test it out with the real song, just to be sure." He stepped away from her and retrieved the small bag he kept in the cell and rummaged through it. Then he pulled out that familiar small wooden box.
"I'll handcuff myself to the metal frame, it's sturdy enough to hold me. I have a favor to ask of you. Yeah I can open the box myself, but if I'm not ready and can't fight the conditioning I need you to close the box and just wait it out until it wears off. Can you do that for me? Please?"
More fear crept into Faith. If he wasn't ready then she was at risk of being in the same room with him. But he was confident that being handcuffed to the metal frame that was screwed into the wall would hold him. "Okay," she finally said. "I trust you."
He handed her the small box and quickly handcuffed himself to the metal frame and sat on the cot. "Don't worry, I don't have any weapons."
With a deep breath, but still backing up until her back was against the door, Faith wound up the small music box and then lifted the lid.
The few seconds it took Faith to wind up the small box Aiden never felt so worried. His hands shook, sweat dampened his shirt and he felt sick to his stomach. When she lifted the lid and the music echoed loudly in the cell the effect was instantaneous. Aiden's vision darkened while small circles of light appeared.
The first thing he felt was the hunger and then came the anger. Then he opened his mouth but it wasn't to shout out or growl, instead he began to sing. He focused on the words and recalled the sound of the guitar that should be accompanying the bittersweet lyrics. But he wasn't hearing his own borderline tone deaf singing, instead he was hearing Faith's voice. He pictured her sitting on the cot in her jail cell and imagined himself sitting across from her, guitar in hand and strumming along to her soothing voice.
As quickly as the anger came it loosened its hold on him. He wasn't so angry that he wanted to murder the first person he saw. He wasn't sure how it was working but he knew if he kept singing he would hear her voice instead of his own so he continued until he felt calm and at peace. Then it was like he was pulled out of the Bliss. His vision cleared and he saw Faith again, but she was standing and she looked nervous and fearful.
Did it work?
Aiden looked down at himself and saw that his handcuffed wrist wasn't even raw, it seemed like he didn't try to struggle out of the cuff. He looked back at Faith and felt his cheeks tighten from a smile so wide it felt like it would rip his face.
"It worked!" He burst out laughing. "I think, did I try to attack you?"
Faith closed her eyes and exhaled. She leaned against the door and shut the music box. Aiden hadn't even realized the music was still playing. His heart soared upon the realization.
"You didn't budge, you just sang," she smiled at him. "How are you feeling?"
Aiden thought on her words and took note that he wasn't even shaking with anxiety. "I feel great! I feel like…myself. Did a lot of time pass?"
"No, maybe just a few seconds."
He smiled again. "I can't believe it worked. I mean—"
Faith smiled at him again and opened the box abruptly. The music began to play, but his reaction was pure instinct. He knew if he sang he would see Faith again, singing to him while he strummed the guitar. His vision still darkened and he felt lightheaded, but it soon faded the longer he focused on Faith's singing and relaxed. Once he was calm he heard the loud snap of the wooden box shutting. He was the same as before, didn't move and Faith stepped in front of him.
"Looks like you're ready to face the Father," she said with a small hint of sadness in her voice.
He was so overcome with happiness and relief he dug into his back pocket with his free hand to take out the key for the cuffs. Once he was free he stood and pulled Faith into a tight embrace.
"Thank you! Being rid of this is…I can understand what they mean when they say a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Thank you, Faith, thank you."
Once he sobered he realized what he was doing and promptly let go of the shorter woman. "Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so sudden, I'm just so—" Then he remembered why she was even doing this for him and he felt himself deflate like a balloon. "Oh…this would be the part where I drive you somewhere and leave you with the car and walk away isn't it?"
There was a blush in Faith's cheeks, Aiden fought the urge to check if she was sick with a fever again but he stayed his hands. He did enough sudden touching, it was inappropriate. Being polite and civil with a prisoner was fine and dandy, but physically touching was another story unless it was to contain them. Remembering that she was his prisoner brought sorrow into his chest.
"Even if you kept to your end of the bargain where would I go? Return to the Father where you and your people will be waiting to arrest him? Hide somewhere and try to escape Hope County? No, my fate is sealed and I…accept it."
Aiden suddenly liked the idea of Faith hiding and escaping the county. But she was in a way very much like a child. She was depended on the Father that without him she had no idea on how to survive just like how she didn't know how to separate herself from her parents and Tracey. It felt like throwing her out on her own was a worse fate than what prison had in store for her. He still believed she could have a life after she did her time and atoned. Her aide was very crucial in their ultimate success. He vowed to research any type of loophole to help ease whatever she was sentenced to. His father had to know something that could help, he still had connections, close friends that were lawyers and even a judge or two.
He just felt so overcome with relief and it was all because of Faith. To hell with it, there was no one watching them so he hugged her again. She didn't stiffen at the contact. He even felt her arms tighten around his back and squeezed ever so gently. He would feel guilty for leading her on with this moment, for now he just wanted to bask in the utter relief that she helped cure his deepest shame.
The junior deputy must've held her too tightly or pressed on one of the welts on her back because his ears perked upon the sound of her muffled gasp. The sound brought him back to his wits and he pulled away from the embrace, strangely he felt so much colder without her in his arms. She fit so perfectly.
His chest clenched when he saw the sadness on her face. He was well aware of her feelings and at the moment he wished for nothing more but that they met under different circumstances. If she had been a cult member with clean hands guilty of nothing more but going to a few of Joseph's sermons and strayed to the resistance, or had been a member of the resistance since the beginning no doubt he would want to take the time to learn more about her, to do more to see that genuine smile on her face.
Aiden hated the moment of weakness that took control of him. Against his wishes to remain professional he leaned forward and kissed Faith on her forehead ever so gently. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He wasn't apologizing for arresting her or for the inappropriate embrace.
She seemed to understand what he meant and she nodded. He was taken back to that moment at the river where her face was swollen, bruised and bloody by his own hand when he pulled away from her reach. When she accepted her fate and walked towards her death in the water, alone.
"One more pit stop and we can end it where it all began," he repeated her own words.
With another nod she followed him to the exit.
A/N: I'm so bad at not responding to reviews and I apologize again for it! If only I didn't have to go to work in like two hours to catch up.