Two weeks. It'd been two weeks since she'd left. Her glow around his heart had disappeared a week ago—either because she'd faded or left the lands.
Being off of work because of the hip injury served as the perfect way to sneak out of Pixie Hollow for days to go find her. With each land that had been searched, madness had started to take hold. Because the only other option was she had faded, and that wasn't something he could handle. She wasn't anywhere to be found.
Madness set in.
Slamming the hammer down on the nail with excessive force, he swooped down and grabbed another board and then shot back up to the roof.
"Captain, as your healer, I really must insist that you rest." Spruce stood on the ground with his medical bag. His eyebrows rose as he surveyed the framework done and the roof going on. "You did all of this in the last two days?"
He jammed the board in place and hammered. "She'll come back if I have a home for her." Dragging an arm across his wet brow, he grabbed another board. The weather wasn't hot by any means, especially with the morning frost that still covered the ground. It was the physical labor for two nights and days straight that made exhaustion creep in.
Spruce flew up and sat on the roof frame not too far to the left. "Sleet, you need to tell the Queen that one of her fairies is missing."
Shooting him a dark glare, he snapped, "And have Silvermist treated the same way I am? I'll find her." He pounded the nail.
"We don't know that she's a siren fairy. The research I've done in the last couple days shows that biologically she'd be like a Bright Fairy anyways. The only difference would be her siren call."
"Then why can she control water like that? Why did she get hot?" Snatching the saw, he sliced at the board. The rhythmic grinding only stirred the madness.
"I haven't figured that out yet. Alamur in no way procreate?"
He snorted. "There is enough evil in the world for Alamur to be born from screams—there's no need for us to give birth like the Queen."
"Even the King Alamur?"
Moving on to the next board, the back-and-forth rocking from sawing helped to channel the anger. "You work your way up to be king. Only the most horrible Alamur becomes king."
"But what if one of the Alamur was able to mate and change the lines?"
The sawing slowed for just a moment. "Silvermist is sterile being she's not the Queen."
"If she's not a Bright Fairy, she may not be. And being the prince's mate, it would make sense that she could produce the next Alamur king."
Slamming Spruce onto his back and he grabbed fistfuls of his neck collar. "Do not ever say such a thing again," he snarled. "The evils that you speak...a king would murder all of us without a second thought. She's incapable of creating something that dark and heinous." Then he got up and started sawing again.
"I'm sorry." Spruce sat up. "I didn't mean that she'd breed something evil but perhaps a better kind of king." He cleared his throat and changed the topic. "You've searched every land there is. Is it possible that if a creature caught her that it could've given her darkness to hide her glow from you?"
Holding up the saw, he pointed it. "You walk on dangerous ground. If you value your head, you'd best leave," he growled.
Pressing his lips together, Spruce met his eyes. "Sleet, I'll give you until tonight. Otherwise, I'm obligated to tell the Queen that Silvermist is missing. Have you at least told Lord Milori?"
"Yes, that would go over just as well as telling the Queen. Not only do you have an Alamur in Pixie Hollow, but possibly a siren fairy and guess what? They're mates. They can overthrow Pixie Hollow in the blink of an eye—she seduces every fairy into a stupor while he slits their throats. Neverland, while we're at it, we should just tell all of Pixie Hollow what we are."
Spruce heaved a sigh. "I'm just trying to help. This is too big for you to deal with alone, and you know that the Queen is going to have to be told at some point—" His words cut off.
Looking up, he followed Spruce's eyes down to the ground.
Silvermist stood there, completely silent and appearing unharmed.
The saw fell from his hand and clamored on the wood floor below.
"I'll come back later." Spruce flew away.
His heart beat faster, both excited to see her and afraid why she looked so serious. Slowly landing before her to be careful with his aching hip, he reached out a hand, still too shocked to speak.
She leaned back slightly and looked at his hand. And then her arms wrapped around herself.
Pulling off his tunic, he moved to wrap it around her. The frost might be too cold for her.
But she took a step back. Goosebumps didn't cover her—she held herself because she was afraid.
"Whatever you are, I don't care." His voice came out rougher than usual with the threatening tears.
Her eyes shifted away. "I left because I was scared of hurting you. Three creatures came, and I had to leave so no one would get hurt."
It took every bit of willpower to swallow down the bile and not crush her in his arms. How had she survived facing three creatures? "Did they hurt you?"
She shook her head, her brow furrowing at the memory. "It burned when I touch that one before, so I got hot. And they turned into ash instantly at my touch."
"Oh dear Neverland," he breathed and ran his hands over his face, uncertain whether to faint or get sick at the thought of her facing creatures, much less several at a time. Not to mention that she could've damaged her wings at that extreme temperature.
"I ended up in Neverland."
He blinked. "I searched Neverland. I searched the lands for you night and day. I didn't know what to do, so yesterday I started building our home in hopes that you'd come back to me." Tears blurred her.
A tear slipped down her cheek. "I found siren fairies there," she said, as if he didn't speak. "I can't do everything that they can. They said I was a siren fairy, but when I landed in Pixie Hollow and the Queen gave me Bright Fairy dust to be born, it changed me. I'm not quite a Bright Fairy and not quite a siren fairy."
Taking her hands, he bent to try to catch her eyes. "I don't care. You're my dewdrop. I'm neither quite Alamur nor Bright Fairy either."
Those brown eyes finally looked up.
"How could you think it would matter to me? I love you. If you turned into a bat, I'd still love you—we might need to do a little training to learn to not eat me, but I'd still love you."
That won a watery smile. And then her face crumpled. "I didn't know if I should tell you that I'm part evil."
He took a step to bridge the gap and pulled her into his arms. "My dewdrop, I will love you no matter what you are or what happens. You aren't part evil. There isn't an evil bone in your body—"
"But I technically killed five creatures."
His heart skipped a beat. "I'm not going to think about you facing that many alone. They are nothing but evil. I don't know if it counts as killing when you made the world safer."
Her arms wrapped around and held tight as she sobbed.
Pressing a kiss to her hair, he breathed, "Never leave like that again. Whatever happens, we figure it out together."
"The Queen is going to banish us, isn't she?"
"Lord Milori doesn't want her to deal with more than necessary right now until the princess is born, so let me talk to him. Come look at our new home. By the end of the day, I should have the roof and the walls of one room done. We should be able to sleep here tonight."
"She's a what?" Lord Milori's jaw set and he paced in the Keeper's library.
"The call is her only siren ability. Even Healer Spruce agrees that he can find no other physiological differences from a Bright Fairy. She grew up with Bright Fairies, so she thinks and feels like a bright fairy." Standing helped to get some nervous energy out.
"How is it that she has water talents? Sirens don't have element talents." He set his hands on his hips and looked over at her.
She bit her lip and stood from the long ice table. "The best that we can figure out is because I was born into the Bright Fairy world, the Queen's dust caused changes that turned me into a Bright Fairy in all other ways, including gaining a talent."
Lord Milori ran a hand over his face. "Water. Of course the talent is water because sirens lure into water and drown their victims."
Shame flashed through her eyes.
"It doesn't mean that's why her talent is water," he cut in quickly. "But even so, maybe that's why she has such profound talent." Then he shook his head. "That's beside the point. The point is you've said yourself that she's one of the kindest fairies. I'm one of the evilest Alamur, and I haven't hurt anyone for centuries."
Lord Milori gave a look.
"Intentionally hurt anyone," he corrected.
"For being a fairy who speaks in grunts most of the time, you've being awfully chatty." Lord Milori rubbed his temples. "Who else knows about this?"
"Healer Spruce," he replied and glanced at her. She shook her head.
"This had better be the last thing from you two that I'm keeping from Her Majesty until the princess is born. I'll be lucky to still have my head." Then he pointed a finger. "If she comes after me for convincing her to let you two mate, you are on permanent night duty." Then he turned to Silvermist. "You had better be on your best behavior, which includes no more disappearing. Any fairy who leaves Pixie Hollow for any reason is to inform the Queen; I'm done being the middle man." Then he walked out.
He turned to her with a smile. "Well, that went better than expected."
But she didn't look happy. "Do you think I'm going to turn evil and drown fairies?"
"What? Of course not. There's no reason for you to be afraid of yourself." He limped over on a cane.
Her eyes rose up, full of heartache. "But you're afraid of yourself."
"And I have done unspeakable things that Alamur do. You aren't capable of the things I've done. I would know—it was my job to identify and train Alamur soldiers."
"Were there some who couldn't do what you needed to train them to do?"
Looking away, he gave a slow nod. Some weren't born evil enough. "It was my job to pick out the most vicious Alamur."
She hesitated and then asked, "What about the ones you didn't pick?"
Swallowing hard, terrible memories returned. "They were eliminated," he breathed and turned away. Having to face her and explain his crimes was too much to handle. "You wouldn't have lasted even one second in my army, Silvermist. There is no evil in you." Then he quietly limped out the doors on the cane, needing a moment to breathe.
His survival in the army had depended on pleasing the Alamur king, and that meant being able to read a fairy in one heartbeat to determine if they were evil enough to conquer kingdoms. And the next heartbeat to exterminate them with a swipe of his sword.
And so the king had given him a name—One. The sickening irony of it had become a prophecy, for his life had played out in one-second increments: judgment calls, murders, kingdom seizes...the Alamur king had savored bloody battles, ordering that they be drawn out as long as possible. Only at the king's command was he allowed to end wars in one second—and he always did it by slaying the ruler, thereby causing all of the surviving fairies in the kingdom to drop dead. And Alamur only survived by being on top, so he climbed the ranks as fast as possible, by any means necessary. The sugarthirst of it all had become a sickening burden by the time Lord Milori had shown up.
There were horrid things about the past that had been alluded to, but Silvermist had never outright asked. But she probably suspected. That was how it should be because she would be terrified if she knew the things he'd done—things that were now shameful sins instead of prized honors. Besides, the shame would be too much to ever face her again.
Leaning back against the wall, he stared up at the ceiling. Serial killer is what humans called such acts. There could never be enough atonement for it, but every day was a new chance to try to be a better fairy—one who deserved this life with Bright Fairies and the love of a kind mate like Silvermist. It was his obligation to protect them all, at any cost.
"Silvermist, you're being such a drag," Vidia sighed at the dance club a week later.
"Leave her alone," he ordered in a tone reserved for the soldiers. Then he draped an arm over the back of the booth behind her. "Do you want to go, dewdrop?"
She shook her head but stared at the table. The virgin strawberry martini sat untouched before her. Hardly any words had come out of her since her return home. Neither did she accept any touching beyond a couple seconds at a time.
Tink leaned over and felt Silvermist's brow. "You don't feel feverish. Do you want to come dance?"
"Yes! Come dance with me! Sled is on next." Rosetta fluffed her red curls and scooted out of the booth.
Another shake of her head.
Leaning in, he stroked her hair and whispered so no one would hear, "Let's go have a quiet night at home together, dewdrop."
But she leaned away. "Don't call me that," she said softly.
With a sigh, he sat back and watched her. She seemed worse after the conversation with Lord Milori. That would explain why she suddenly had an aversion to her talent and any kind of reference to water—she was afraid of herself and that evil would come out, making her drown someone. "Come. We're dancing." He tugged her out of the booth.
"Sleet."
"No. You're getting depressed." He towed her through the crowd to the dance floor.
Sled took the stage. "This one is for my little rose," he said into the mic and started playing a romantic song perfect for slow dancing.
Taking her in his arms, he held her close and guided her head down to rest on his chest. "I know what you're worried about, and you aren't like that. Who else could tame the dragon but the gentlest of fairies?"
But she shook her head and looked up at him. Profound worry and sadness filled her eyes. "We need to go home."
"Alright. Let me go tell them that we're leaving. Do you want to say goodbye?"
She shook her head and headed to the door.
Worry gnawed. This was not at all like her. He hurried over to the booth. "I'm going to take her home."
Iridessa frowned. "Okay. Tell her that she can come to my house tonight if she needs female talk."
"If she's mad at you, she can sleep at my place," Vidia offered.
He blinked at her, as did everyone else at the table.
"What? She could be mad." Vidia shrugged.
Tink waved her hand. "Go. Get us if you need help."
"Thank you." He hurried away, grabbing his hip as it protested going up the stairway entrance too fast. She was nowhere in sight. Stepping outside, a sigh of relief escaped to find her sitting on a boulder near the door.
She slid down and accepted being scooped up to quickly fly home. Whatever had her this distressed had to be serious.
As he opened the door of the newly finished cabin and set her down, she still didn't speak. She stopped in the small living room and turned with her eyes on the ground. Her lips parted, but she didn't speak. Then she spun around and continued into the bedroom.
He shut the front door and followed.
In there, she dug out a fresh blue silk nightgown that floated and shimmered like water—one of the reasons she liked the color. This time, though, she held it out with two fingers and looked at it in disgust. Then she dug through her other two nightgowns and slammed the drawer shut when she didn't find other colors. She opened his shirt drawer and pulled out a tunic.
"That's too rough for your skin to sleep in," he said from the bedroom doorway.
"I don't care." She closed the drawer.
He took three strides across the room and eased it from her hand. "I do. You fell asleep on me before I took my shirt off last week, and you had tiny cuts all over your arm from it when we woke up." Stepping closer, he slipped an arm around her waist and lowered his voice. "Come to bed without a nightgown."
She turned her head and pulled away. "That's not funny."
"It wasn't meant to be. What's going on? Please, talk to me, Silvermist."
Silence.
Then she set a hand to her forehead. "I just need to shower and go to sleep."
Shoulders slumped in defeat. "Alright." He put the tunic back in the drawer and stared down at the dresser. It felt like the more support that was offered, the more she pulled away. This wasn't like the Silvermist he knew. It was as if she'd been...broken.
A small hand touched his back.
His breath stilled, just like every muscle—afraid to move and break the spell because it was the first time she initiated a touch since the day she'd returned. Slowly turning so as not to spook her, he froze when she flung herself into his arms in a fierce hug.
She still didn't speak but kept her head buried against his chest.
"I need you to talk to me. I can't figure out what will help you."
Her small back heaved under his hand. And she burst into tears, her words unintelligible.
"Easy, easy. Deep breath. I can't understand you." He scooped her up and sat at the foot of the bed with her in his lap as she hiccuped. "Let's dry those pretty little eyes." He dabbed with a tissue. "Now, if it's a scoundrel, I'll go put the fear of Neverland in him."
She shook her head, still trying to catch her breath as she rubbed at her eyes.
"You're mad at me?"
Again, no. Her face suddenly crumpled and she wrapped her arms around his neck and wept all over again.
"I doubt it's worth this, my Silvermist. Tell me what's wrong, and I'll make it right." It just about tore his heart out to see her this distraught.
When she finally sat back and brushed at her eyes again, she took the tissue from him and wrung it in her hands. "I'm not s,supposed to be upset about this. It's,it's not...you have to hear it a,all first before you g,get mad."
"Alright." Maybe she'd met someone else in another land. Maybe she didn't want to be mates. Or perhaps she hated the cabin.
"When Sleet did the physical when I got back, he said that he needs to do an ultrasound—"
"An ultrasound? What does he think is wrong?" He stomach churned.
Her lower lip quivered and she shook her head and leaned her cheek against his chest. "He has to check if we're having a baby."
The words came out of her mouth, but they didn't process.
She shot upright to look at him as tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm not upset because it'd be your baby, b,but wouldn't it be the future king of the Alamur? Wouldn't we make an evil baby?" She looked up with such trust, as if expecting him to have all the answers.
He blinked. "Um...he's checking...? You could be pregnant? How?"
With a sniffle, she took deep breaths to calm down. "Bright Fairy females are sterile, just the Queen can have a baby."
He nodded.
She blinked fast to hold back the tears and said, "I'm not fully a Bright Fairy. Spruce said there are certain types of sirens who seduce to breed."
"I think better when I pace," he muttered and lifted her off his lap and onto the bed. Then he paced at the foot of the bed as the words finally sank in. Panicking would only make her feel more alone in this. "Are you having pregnancy symptoms? I don't even know what those symptoms are."
Silence.
One glance over, and he stopped pacing.
Her eyes locked on the floor, and the tears on her cheeks suddenly stopped. And her glow around his heart pulled away again. "No. It's just a precaution to check. I got myself worked up when it's going to be negative anyways." All emotion fled her voice. She stood and went into the washroom, quietly shutting the door.
A curse escaped. That had been the perfect sparrowman way to seem completely unsupportive. Walking over to the door, he knocked. "Silvermist? This is a huge surprise to absorb. I'd like to come with you for the ultrasound."
The door opened just enough for her to rest a hand around the edge and lean her cheek against it. "It's going to be negative. It would be stupid for both of us to miss work." But she didn't meet his eyes.
"I know that pregnancy might be impossible. I'm not asking to go because of obligation or because I'm worried that there's a baby. I'm asking because we take on things together. Because I know you're confused and scared, and I want to be there for you."
Tears brimmed as she looked up at him. "I want you to come," she whispered.
Taking a step closer, he pushed open the door and cupped her face in his hands. "Then I'm there, sweetheart." He brushed a kiss over her lips.
"An ultrasound doesn't hurt," he promised and took her hand to help her up on the exam table at the hospital the next morning.
She didn't let go, holding on tight even after she sat.
He stepped closer and took both her hands. "If there is a baby, I don't want you to be worried or afraid. We'll figure this out together. And if labor is painful like for humans, I won't take any dandelion medicine again until after the birth." He pressed a kiss to her brow.
A watery smile answered. "I don't regret that it'd be your baby. I'm just afraid of what..."
"I know. But we're going to raise the baby to be good and kind like you."
Spruce walked in at that moment. "Good morning."
Relief at having someone else in charge of staying calm hit, and the nerves set in.
He stopped in his tracks and looked from one to the other. "I think I walked into a funeral. This is just to double check. The Lord of Winter and Queen are over the moon about a baby. I didn't expect the possible prospect of it to send you two into depression."
Setting a hand on her back, he grunted, "They don't have to worry about having evil spawn."
Spruce frowned. "You two are living examples that what doesn't determine who." He continued over and pulled out a jar of pixie dust. "I have no doubts that if there is a little one, he would grow up to be a good fairy. Silvermist, I need your belly bare." Then he spread a drape over her lap.
As she laid back and pulled up her dress, he caught Spruce's eye across the table.
A calm smile softened his face. "Captain, this would not be a bad thing. She will be fine and the baby will be fine. We don't even know for certain if there is a baby or if it's even possible."
Releasing a shaky breath, he turned his attention to helping her get settled.
"Alright, this is when it comes in handy having a mate around," Spruce said jollily. "You can't bring up her dust by rubbing, can you?"
He frowned. "No. Should I be able to?"
"It might be a Bright Fairy thing. No worries." He sprinkled some of the dust over her belly. "Alright, softly rub that around, as if massaging it in."
She looked up at him, a confused look on her face, too.
Spruce pulled his hand down to her belly and then pressed his own on top. "Like this. It won't hurt her."
If not for Spruce keeping his hand in place, he would've pulled back in surprise as the dust rose to form an image at eye level.
When Spruce pursed his lips, he applied a little more pressure on his hand. "Doing alright, Silvermist?"
"I'm fine."
"What is it?" Strange shapes appeared and disappeared.
"We're going through her anatomy. Those were muscles that we just passed. And here..." His eyebrows rose.
There was the panic. "What? What's wrong? Is she alright?"
Spruce blinked. "No, it's fine. She just...she has reproductive organs that Bright Fairy females don't have. I was anticipating Bright Fairy anatomy."
She drew a shaky breath.
He took her hand with his free one. "Is there a baby?"
After adding a bit more dust, Spruce studied the image and shook his head. "There's no baby, and it doesn't look like you're fertile. Have you had any symptoms?" Once he ran through a list, Silvermist shook her head. "Alright, everything looks good." He let go and wiped the dust off her belly.
There had never been the expectation of being a father because Alamur didn't have babies. The shock had worn off by midnight last night. Lying in bed with her as she'd slept, excitement had begun to bloom at the prospect of her carrying a baby that they'd made together. He had no doubts that they could teach it to be a good fairy who would lead the Alamur to a better future. But there wasn't and wouldn't be a baby. Unexpected disappointment set in.
"Sleet?" her soft voice cut through the thoughts.
Looking down at the concern on her face, as if she sensed the sadness, he forced a smile. She was more than he could possibly deserve. The smile turned genuine. "I'm glad you're alright." He pressed a kiss to her brow. Then he looked across her to Spruce. "I assume there's no need for pregnancy prevention?"
Spruce studied him and then looked at her for a long moment, his face solemn. "At least for now, no. I'm sorry."
He glanced down at her again.
Disappointment filled her eyes, and she sat up and pulled down her dress in an attempt to hide her expression.
"If you get any symptoms of going through a change like the Queen did, let me know." Spruce set a hand on her shoulder for a moment and then shook his hand.
"Thank you." The moment Spruce shut the door, he gathered her against his chest. "I'm sorry, Silvermist."
She held tight. "I was so afraid of it happening...and now I'm sad it didn't. I don't understand why." She sniffled. "How can I be sad about something that I knew was impossible?"
"Because the future you envisioned is suddenly gone. I'm a bit sad too. But we have each other and an entire lifetime together."
A deep breath raised her shoulders. "I love you. Everything has felt like it's falling apart the past few weeks, except for you. I'd be so lost without you."
"I rather thought it was me who'd be lost without you, my Silvermist. You're trying to figure out who you are again. Whatever you need to do, I'll be right here waiting." He leaned back and cupped her face to wipe away her tears with his thumbs.
Her small hands wrapped around his wrists as she looked up at him. "But I'm not the pure Bright Fairy that you thought I was."
That shame in her words caused a pang of sadness and also a choked laugh. A smile tugged as he bowed his head to meet her eyes. "You are who I thought you were. I didn't fall in love with the idea of a Bright Fairy. I fell in love with your words and actions and the way you think—I fell in love with you. You did the impossible, Silvermist. You made an Alamur fall in love. That had nothing to do with a Bright Fairy."
Those beautiful wings rose and her eyes brightened for the first time in weeks. "Maybe it's alright to call me dewdrop. I sort of miss it."
The smile broke free. "I've been hoping my dewdrop would take me to the ocean so I can watch her play again."
Her wings gave a soft flutter as she smiled. "Truly? In Neverland I learned how to make the dolphins come play. And how to make the waves dance," she said in excitement, speaking faster. "Oh! And at dusk when the sunset is almost gone, if it rains backwards—up from the sea—it makes a hundred rainbows..." She suddenly stopped. "What?"
"Are you happy in Pixie Hollow?" he asked seriously. She was so caged here, so unable to be who she was meant to be. "You aren't...free to let your talents loose to see what you can do."
She shook her head. "I don't want to leave. No other lands felt like home."
"I'd follow you to wherever you want to live."
A smile of pure happiness brightened her glow. "I want to go to the ocean with you. It's Saturday. Let's stay the weekend at the ocean."
"As you wish, my dewdrop," he promised.
It was stunning what she'd learned to do in just two weeks while away. Her talents even rivaled some of what he'd seen the Queen do. Eventually the Queen would have to be shown Silvermist's abilities, and there was no doubt that Silvermist could be an extremely powerful secret weapon for the kingdom. But that wasn't a stigma that she deserved. Keeping the truth about heritage and abilities was a hardship that at times felt suffocating, and it wasn't something he wanted for her.
He leaned his hands back into the sand, his back protesting at the movement. Hours must've passed without moving, but she was too mesmerizing to not watch. So many sea animals flocked and played with her over the ocean. Her laughter even made the waves bounce and sway a little more.
She flew over, her cheeks flushed with happiness. "Come play."
Cracking a smile, he crossed his ankles. "How would I play with a water fairy?"
Biting her lip, she looked up at the sky for a moment. Then her eyes brightened. "Fly fast and I'll catch the mist to make rainbows. The dolphins want to try to catch up with you."
With a smile, he got up. "Alright, dewdrop. Show me what we're doing."
Playing with her in the ocean was the most fun ever experienced in a single day.
At sunset when she made it rain up from the ocean and into the sky, hundreds of rainbows surrounded. Taking her in his arms, he lowered his head to hers in a romantic kiss.