Are We There Yeti?

Chef: Last week on total drama island. Those good for nothing campers got swept away by a rainstorm that left them stranded on a desserted island. Meanwhile the softie drifted to shore in the outhouse and the survived on coconuts. The surfer girl built a raft for her and the delinquent which left mouthy girl to fend for herself. Somehow they all ended up together in a treehouse confessing their sins. That's when they came up with a cracker-jack plan to find out who was making the fire. But all they found was the secret location of our production-crew camp. Yeah that's me doing the recap. You got a problem with that?! Since Chris is off hosting some froufrou awards show I'm filling in as host. And guess what I ain't happy about it either. So sit back shut up and watch tonight's episode of Total Drama Island!

(Intro)

(All four campers were alsleep in their bunk beds only to wake up and find themselves in the middle of the forest)

Heather: What the? Where are we?!

Duncan: How did we get here?

Bridgette: Chris?

DJ: Mommy!

Chef: (From a ladder on helicopter) Everybody just shut up! How you got here is not your concern!

Bridgette: What happened to Chris?

Chef: None of your darn business what happened to Chris. I'm in charge now. And I'm gonna make you wish you were never born. Your mission is to find your way out of the forest or die trying.

Heather: You can't be serious. Will die.

(Confessional) Bridgette: They left alone in woods again. I won't lie I was scared in the last episode even though I tried not to show it. Especially in front of Duncan and Heather otherwise they wouldn't have never let me forget it.

Chef: Here's how it works. Team one—Delinquent and Softie. Team two—Surfer girl and Queen bee. Everything you need is in these bags. You'll navigate your way north to base camp. The first team to tag the camp totem pole wins. And here's a tip better set up camp before sundown because once nightfall hits you won't even see your trembling hand in front of your terrified face unless you've got night-vision goggles. But you don't. (Starts laughing and Duncan runs to him)

Duncan: (Begs) Oh please please don't leave us here. I'm begging you we won't survive.

Chef: (Pushes Duncan off him) Grab a hold of your gut soldier.

(Confessional) Heather: Duncan's a lot of things but he is definitely not a chicken. He's up to something I can tell and I'm going to find out what it is.

DJ: Dude this is bonkers. We'll be scarfed by a grizzly.

Chef: Oh I wouldn't worry about that. You'll wish you saw a grizzly once you meet up with old Sasquatchanakwa.

DJ: Sasquatchanakwa?

Chef: Yep and believe me you don't want to run into him. Good luck troops! (Gets on the ladder of the helicopter) Try not to die!

Heather: This isn't legal! You can't do this!

Duncan: Hey peaches flie it with the network lawyers. (Runs off with DJ)

Heather: Where do they think they're going? They can't survive out there. It's suicide. It's—

Bridgette: I get it. Now can you please shut up.

(Confessional) Heather: Okay nothing would give me greater pleasure then ditching her dolphin loving butt in the middle of nowhere. But this is the wild. I need someone to push in front of me if a bear comes by.

Duncan: I got to say I was pretty jazzed to be paired with DJ. He's pretty much my best friend in this game. And I've always been known as a lone wolf.

(Duncan and DJ were still running in the forest)

DJ: Where are we going?

Duncan: I just wanted to get away from the girls. Psych them out a bit. You know? Okay let's what we got. (Empty's the duffel bag revealing a map sleeping bag binoculars and bug spray)

DJ: Seems we've got pretty much everything we need here.

Duncan: Yep and we'll be out of the woods in no time thanks to these babies. (Shows in the night vision goggles)

DJ: You stole those from Chef? Sweet.

Duncan: What can I say I'm a hardened criminal. With these babies we can see clear as day.

DJ: Nice. Let me see those. (Puts on the night vision goggles and looks at the sun which burns his eyes) Oww my eyes! I've been blinded.

Duncan: All right that's enough. We've got a challenge to win. Now grab the map while I figure out where we are.

DJ: Sure. But the map isn't much use without a compass isn't it.

Duncan: Okay the sun rose from the east which means that's north so camp is that way.

DJ: Are you sure?

Duncan: Yeah we're going this way.

(With Bridgette and Heather)

Bridgette: Camp is north so we just follow the river. Easy.

Heather: Yeah as long as we're not munched by a Sasquatch.

Bridgette: Chill out will you. That's obviously just another stupid story to scare us.

(Confessional) Heather: I don't believe in Sasquatch's. I don't.

(Files start flying around Heather which annoyed her)

Heather: (Groans) I kill for some bug spray. These flies think I'm an all you eat buffet. (Gasp) Ah I think a file just few inside my mouth. (Gasp) So gross. (Bridgette just rolls her eyes)

(Confessional) Bridgette: Okay I can't believe I'm saying this. But I think I actually miss Chris. Anything is better than Chef psychopath.

(Confessional) Heather: Can you hear me Chris? I hope you enjoyed your little day off while we put up with your psychotic sidekick. Who by the way wasn't even doing anything. He just ditched us in the woods.

(With Duncan and DJ climbing up a mountain)

DJ: Did you catch what Chef said about the Sasquatchanakwa? That really freak me out. (Duncan slips while DJ was still taking) Did you know that some people think bigfoot is the missing link between humans and monkeys? (Duncan was hanging on the edge with one hand then manged to get his feet on the edge and continue climbing)

Duncan: Really? I'd say the missing monkey is right here. (Bonks him on head)

DJ: Ow. No I'm serious witnesses say he's eight feet tall and four hundred pounds.

Duncan: (Chuckles) Come on. If he really existed don't you think someone would have caught him by now?

DJ: Yeah you're probably right.

Duncan: (Looks threw the binoculars) Hey. Hey it's girls. And their going the wrong way. Typical chicks with zero sense of direction! Hey here's a pointer! Try checking the map!

Bridgette: Uh. We would if we had one. But this compass tells that's north! You know?! Like where Chef said the camp is?!

Duncan: (Puts down the binoculars and looks at the map) Ugh!

Heather: Enjoy the view up there losers!

Duncan: Great. Now we're behind. We'll just have to jump and dive into the river.

DJ: You crazy dude I ain't jumping off no cliff. Been there done. No thank you.

Duncan: No worries bro. I'll do it for you! (Pushes DJ off the cliff causing him to scream then jumps down with him into the river)

(Bridgette and Heather then took a break and sat down eating a chocolate bar each)

Heather: Okay look we both know we don't like each other and we both probably wish we could push each other off a cliff right now.

Bridgette: The thought had crossed my mind.

Heather: But I think we can also agree that we have to win this challenge. We can't afford to let the guys win invincibility. And who knows what kind of evil bonding their up to right now.

(With DJ and Duncan on a raft floating down stream and drinking soda from their duffel bag and having a burping contest)

DJ: (Burps)

Duncan: Nice one. (Burps loudly)

DJ: Phew. Extra points for the smell factor.

Heather: So we're a team on this right?

Bridgette: Right. (The two notice DJ and Duncan floating pass them on the raft waving)

Bridgette and Heather: (Gasp) They're getting away! (They grab their duffel bag and ran after them)

(Confessional) Heather: Using the river was brilliant. Well played boys. Well played.

(The boys were walking and noticed that someone had dropped a chocolate bar and when he went to pick it up he didn't realize he was standing in a trap and ended tied up sized down in a tree. Duncan then left the duffel bag on the ground and went to get DJ down from the tree. Heather came out of hiding and stole bug stray from the boys duffel bag and ran off. Then Duncan managed to get DJ down from the tree. The two were then hiding in the bushes and made noises that sound like a bear scaring the girls in a huge log leaving their duffel bag behind then boys block the entrance with huge bolder. Then Duncan took two chocolate bars from the girls duffel bag and ran off. The girls came out from the other side of the log. Bridgette then wrapped toilet paper around Heather to make her look like a mummy. And while was collecting fire wood DJ was about was getting his sleeping bag ready Heather came who was dressed and walking like a mummy scared DJ causing him to climb up a tree then Bridgette came and took the sleeping bag then she and Heather ran off. Then boys covered their pit hole with sticks and when to hide then the girls came by not knowing they were walking into a trap then they fell in the pit hole. Duncan then catches the girls duffel bag and takes the compass then he and DJ ran off and Duncan dropped the duffel bag into the hole landing on Heather's head)

Heather: Ow!

(Nightfall)

Bridgette: I can't believe they stole all of our supplies.

Heather: Never underestimate a known criminal.

Bridgette: Ew I hope we find the camp soon you really stink.

Heather:

You should talk. I can smell your armpits from here.

(Both of them stop and see a Sasquatch footprint thinking it's the boys pulling a prank)

Bridgette: (Gasps) Heather look it's a Sasquatch footprint. Ooh I'm so scared.

(They see something rustling in the bushes)

Heather: Puh-lease. You're embarrassing yourselfs.

Bridgette: Shh. Agh! (Jumps in bushes but is shocked to find out that is on top of Sasquatchanakwa and Heather runs off screaming and Sasquatchanakwa chases after with Bridgette on top of him)

(With DJ and Duncan)

DJ: (Puts on the night vision goggles) Well hello mr squirrel. And hello to you mr raccoon. Oh good day mr Sasquatchanakwa. (Reliazes what he just saw and looks back to see that Sasquatchanakwa is real and gasp) RUN!!!

(DJ runs off screaming with Duncan screaming and running with him and Heather, Bridgette and Sasquatchanakwa following and screaming close behind)

DJ: Sasquatchanakwa!!!! (Runs with Duncan in a pitch black cave) Duncan?

Heather: DJ?

Duncan: Heather?

Heather: Duncan?

Bridgette: Heather?

Heather: Bridgette?

DJ:

Bridgette?

Bridgette: DJ?

Heather: Now that we've taken roll call. What are we going to do? Did you see the size of that thing?

Duncan: I could have taken him.

Bridgette: Is that why you were screaming like a little girl?

Duncan: Right. Well I was just faking him out. Anyway I think we're safe here for now.

DJ: Uh. That depends on what you mean by safe.

Heather: Duncan would you mind getting your tongue out off my ear you pig.

Duncan: My tongues not in your ear.

Heather:

Then who's is it? Is it your's DJ?

DJ: No that would be the BATS!

(Sasquatchanakwa runs from one end of the cave and the four campers run out from the other being chased by the bats)

Heather: Do Sasquatch's get meaner at night?

Duncan: I don't know. But I don't really want to find out.

Heather: Well since you guys still have supplies and a map I guess you beat us.

Bridgette: Ugh. Speak for yourself.

Heather: It's obvious they kicked our butts.

Bridgette: Fine you beat us.

Duncan: Look if you guys want to bunk with us it's cool. Why don't you sent up camp and we go look for firewood?

Bridgette: Ugh. The damsel in distress thing made me want to puke.

Heather: Shh. Who cares? Let them think their big strong boys for now.

(Confessional) Heather: Fooling guys is so easy.

(With DJ and Duncan)

DJ: You really think we can trust the girls with our stuff back there?

Duncan: As if. (Shows him the map under his shirt) Trust no one.

DJ: Hey Bridgette I got a spare chocolate bar if you want it?

Bridgette: No thank you but I'll take your sleeping bag. (DJ gives her his sleeping bag and they both fall asleep)

Heather: I can't sleep. I'm to scared. Can I just? (Cuddles Duncan)

Duncan: Uh yeah sure. (Puts his arm over her)

Heather: I feel so safe in your arms. You won't fall asleep right?

Duncan: Yep you can count on it.

(Next morning)

DJ: Dude wake up! The fire, the girls, our stuff it's gone!

Duncan: What?! (Checks under his shirt) Oh the map! (Growls angrily)

(Heather and Bridgette running off with both duffel bags and the map)

(Confessional) Bridgette: Do we feel bad? I do a bit. But they stole our stuff first. All is fair in love and war and this is definitely war now.

(Confessional) Heather: Okay that was so much fun. I just wished I could have seen the looks on their faces.

Duncan: (Growls) I can't believed I let myself get suckered by a chick.

DJ: Uh two chicks. But never mind that we need to back to camp before they do. Luckily I still have the compass.

Duncan: DJ you legend! Let's go quickly!

(With Chef who was waiting at the totem pole)

Heather: We made it! (Both her and Bridgette touch the totem pole)

Bridgette: Yes!

(DJ and Duncan arrive

DJ: No they beat us.

Duncan: Aw man we were so close.

Chef: Alright games over. Girls win, Guys lose.

(At the campfire ceremony)

Chef: Okay you all know the drill whoever doesn't get a marshmallow will walk the dock of shame and take the boat losers. Girls here's your invinci-darn-bility. (Gives marshmallows to Heather and Bridgette)

Chef: The final marshmallow goes to...You! (Gives the marshmallow to DJ) Your safe softie. And you're finished delinquent!

Duncan: (Scoffs) Good. Get me out of here and back to juvie. At least with convicts you know what to expect.

(At the dock of shame)

Chef: Left, Left, Left, Right, Left! Come on solider. Do I bear a striking resemblance to somebody who's got all day?

(Duncan walks down the dock of shame)

Heather: What can I say? You know I was thinking of taking you to the final two with me a while back but you're a big threat.

Bridgette: You played the game well. Sorry you're out of game and thanks for helping me get with Geoff. (Hugs him goodbye)

Duncan: (Hugs Back) No worries malibu.

DJ: I'll miss you bro.

Duncan: Same here man. I'll be rooting for you. (The two bro hug and Duncan gets on the boat of losers and the boat leaves)