Heyyyy! This girl is back and I am very thnkful for your patience guys. Thanks for all your kind thoughts too!
I have to say that this chapter has come out waaaay longer than I intended, but hey, I have been away for a while and like this I am making it up for it. But I wasn't able to edit all of it tonight and it's alreay 1 a.m. for me and tomorrow I have to wake up early to study, so I decided to do this thing: I am posting half of it today, and the rest of it tomorrow because I really wanted to update this weekend. Today.
Soooo, enjoy! :) I hope it has been worth the waiting and I promise you'll be hearing from me tomorrow too
Love you lots guys!
Maybe some jealousy?
RPOV
"Rose. Wake up."
He shakes me a little harder this time and I instantly get up to my butt, still being light-headed from sleeping and I start inspecting my surroundings.
I need to rub my eyes to see him properly and my whole body feels numb and heavy and I definitely need a good stretch. Maybe staying outside all night long, curled up in a ball on him wasn't such a good idea, no matter how much I enjoyed it.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing. Just..."
He puts something in my hands and I don't even get to take a look at it because he continues to speak to me, using that bossy tone that annoys me a little.
"...go get dressed. We're leaving in five minutes."
"Where's the ru-"
But I don't get to finish my question because he already turned his back to me and he's heading towards his phone as it has started ringing. He's getting a lot of calls lately, I see. I wonder what are they about.
"If you don't get dressed faster and I find you still in bed when I come back, I'm taking you out in that T-shirt and I won't care if you'll whine," he threatens and goes out the balcony.
So I decide to postpone the questioning and the protesting and telling him to shove his commands somewhere for when I am looking like a decent human being.
I drag my ass out of the bed and head to the bathroom to do as I have been said, apparently having let him decide what I am going to wear today.
And as I put my hair into a bun, preparing to wash my face, I see that my neck is full of purple spots. Goddamnit! They are everywhere. I drag my T-shirt downward, and find a lot of them heading towards my breasts too. Great! He marked me so damn well.
I can at least be thankful that he gave me a turtleneck to put on. Did he choose it on purpose? Did he see them too? Of course he did. They can be seen from outer space.
And even though, I'd still be sporting evidence of his passion on my skin for days, even if it's hidden. I'll know, even if I would wear a scarf and all. I would feel them on me. These spots still give me that burning sensation as I remember his lips on my neck.
Ugh! And that's evidence of my stupidity too. Of how much of an idiot I am.
Why the hell am I like this? Why can't I make my mind about him? Why can't I choose what's right?
DPOV
From the first second I see the caller, I get his voice ringing in my head. In fact, his words from last night never left my thoughts. That's all I could think of all night long, and of course, of a way out without troubles.
The clock is ticking, Dimitri. I don't know what you are still trying to prove with keeping that woman alive, but she is of no use for us. Plus, our client is getting impatient. And you know I don't like to have unsatisfied clients. It's bad for the business. So do something or I'll find myself obliged to do something about it. What's the matter with you? Get on track already and stop chasing chimeras. The woman is useless. Go find something useful and get shit done. And get rid of her. You have until the morning.
And now, I can't not answer. I need to pretend everything is as he wants it to be.
"Have you done it?" it's the first thing I hear from him.
I don't respond for a second, thinking about my chances. I know I can't tell the truth. It would make my life harder.
"I have asked you a question. What the hell is wrong with you?"
There's nothing wrong with me. I am just done with all of you.
"I never had to ask you things twice."
Yeah, God forbid I disobey you or not give you a full report on spot. But I am done being your little obedient servant.
"Nothing happened. Just a long night."
"So, does this mean-"
"Yes. I did it. I got rid of her. Just this morning. I finished the job."
"Great. Tell me where it happened and I'll send a team to clean it up."
I tell him the motel I have previously been into and all the details he needs and asks for, like wanting to catch me lying. But I have all the right answers and he finally lets me be, to move on to what he wants me to do next. But I have other things planned.
And now that I have bought myself some time, I have to get moving again before my decisions start catching up with me.
RPOV
But my second round of staring at the love bites on my neck gets interrupted by some knocks at the door, which make me let go of the collar of my blouse, like afraid I'd be caught doing something unpermitted.
"Rose, your five minutes are up. We're leaving. Now."
"I am coming out now." I rush to put my hair up in a ponytail and head for the door. "One second."
And now that I have to go back in there, I can't help but wonder why is he bossing me around all of a sudden. Or am I just imagining it and I misunderstood his tone because I was half asleep? But now I am wide awake and he's still using that tone.
"Rose, come on. Don't make me get in there," he even gets a little annoyed.
Damn, someone is impatient as hell this morning.
Where's the rush anyway? Is there something wrong going on?
Or did I upset him somehow? We were good last night. Did I do something while I was asleep? What if I said something I shouldn't have?
Well, you'll just have to grow a pair and ask.
I hurry, and when I open the door, I see him staring back at me and on his face I see, I don't know, displease? Okay. There's definitely something that happened. And I am dying to know if I am the source of that.
But he doesn't say anything, doesn't scolds me, or gives me any attention. He just takes his bag off the floor and heads to the exit.
"Comrade?" I surprise even myself speaking. Wow, I actually grew a little pair. Let's see how long it will last.
He sighs deeply and turns to face me.
"What, Rose?"
Uh-oh. Not good. He has that exasperated tone.
"I um… are… are we good?"
My question seems to soften his expression for a second, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows and the look in his eyes not seeming as piercing as before.
But that didn't happen to his voice too. Because as he responds to me, even if his words should be reassuring, his tone is passive-aggressive.
"Yes, Rose. We're good. Very good. Now let's go. We're wasting time we don't have with useless talking."
"Where are we going?"
"Would it really help you if you'd knew?" he gets a little defensive.
Oh, so we're going back to keeping Rose in the dark?
"Yes. It really would." I approach the same tone as his. If he can be snappy, so can I.
"We're going somewhere far. That's all you need to know. Now let's go."
"How far?" I insist, only getting more pissed off at his behaviour.
"You'll see how far."
And this time he doesn't wait for me to move, just takes my hand and takes me out of there himself. And to not make things worse than they already are, I let him drag me along, at a quite fast pace that it's hard to keep up to. I hope I won't stumble.
DPOV
As I am a little busy with stealing another car, Rose decides to wander away a little into the parking lot, heading towards a poor-looking woman sitting on a bench, sipping from a steamy beverage.
She spends a minute there, talking to her, petting the dog sitting just under the bench, both of them looking very friendly to each other, and finally, she hands that woman something from her pocket.
When she comes back, rushing towards me, I am more than curious to find out what was that about.
"What were you doing? What did you give to her?"
She shrugs and I see panic creeping on her features.
"I just… gave her some money to… get herself some food. I didn't do anything else, I swear. You know, the money..."
"I know." the ones I gave her.
"I don't need them anyway and she… she was cold and… The world is bad enough already, comrade." she smiles faintly and puts a little curl of hair behind her ear. "She needed the money more than I did and… I don't know…" she shrugs again and now her eyes drift down towards her shoes.
She has a big heart. So big and good and full of love. She's so good to people and it's not the first time I see this. But this only makes it easy for people to take advantage of that, isn't it? She trusts people too much. She is the pure definition of an easy target. All that she has been for Haynes. And it brought her so much suffering.
And I wish I wouldn't have to add to that. But I do. Because it's the right thing to do if I want to keep her safe.
Instead of telling her how much I love this good side of her, I get an impatient tone and erase any emotion out of my voice, trying to seem more like an emotionless jerk.
"Good. Whatever, Mother Teresa. Now that you finished your charitable acts for the day, would you get in the car? We've already stayed here too long."
And it has worked because her features get dark in a split of a second.
She opens her mouth to say something, to probably scold me for my jerkiness, but instead, she presses them together into a thin, tight line, nods and bows her head.
"Sorry I'm making you late," she eventually mumbles and gets inside the car, slamming the door after her.
No, Rose. I am the one who's sorry. But I have no other choice, I swear. It's better this way.
As I drive, at about an hour later of staring out the window and not saying anything, she gets very sleepy, yawning constantly and she keeps on zoning out from times to times.
When I can't watch her struggle to keep her eyes open, I pull up the car, close to some forest.
In the next second, her head snaps my way.
"Where we're going? Why did we stop? It's the middle of nowhere." she gets panicky and looks out the window distressed, her palms clasping the seat belt. "Comrade… why? You..."
"We are not going anywhere, and nothing big is happening" I assure her that I won't kill her or something else that might be passing through her head now.
"Then… what are-"
"But you'll go in the backseat."
"I beg your pardon?"
I get out of the car and go open the trunk. She follows, watching me curiously.
I get the blanket I saw earlier in there and extend it to her.
"What am I supposed to do with this?"
"I will be driving for the next couple of hours. A lot of them, in fact. So, you may take a nap. Sleep a little. Get covered with that so you won't be cold. Last nig-"
But she doesn't let me finish. She snatches the blanket from me, a killing stare in her eyes and her jaw tight.
"Thanks for your concern, but I am fine."
She turns and gets back into the car, on her front seat, throws the blanket on the backseat, and waits for me to get back in.
Okay. Let's argue now. I'll take advantage of the unplanned occasion to quarrel with her.
I get back inside and waste no second.
"What's the matter with you?"
"There's nothing with me," she says upset. Like I wouldn't know better.
"Rose…"
"What?!"
"Don't be a child," I say only knowing it will annoy her further.
"I am not," she says through gritted teeth.
"What has gotten you mad this time? I just gave you a damned blanket." maybe playing the innocent will get her more upset.
"There is nothing wrong."
But I keep going.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I just gave you a blanket so that you would sleep better in the backseat because you barely can keep your eyes open."
"What if I don't want to sleep in the backseat? Did you think about that? Of course you didn't!"
"Is that it?"
"Is that it what?"
"Why you got mad. Why you're acting out again."
She looks out the window and puffs while crossing her arms over her chest, her palms fisted tightly.
"I am not acting out. I just… yes. Maybe. Maybe that's why. But why would you even care? You're too used to people doing anything you want that you don't even think to ask. You just go around and give orders. Rose, do this, Rose, do that. Rose get up now, Rose go get dressed, Rose go to sleep. Rose do this, Rose do that!" she ends up breathing heavier form how angry she is.
Good. This is what I was aiming for.
"God, Rose! I swear I don't get you. Why does everything have to be so complicated with you?" I vocalize my frustration, only trying to get things to be worse.
"I'm not. I am simple. There's nothing complicated about me."
At this, I can't stop myself from laughing a little.
"Oh, Roza. You are the most not simple person I have even known." and even my voice became a little softer.
And I am not saying that in a bad way. She is simply driving me insane with everything she does. She is about as clear to me as a mystery. A mystery I would love to decipher every single day.
But I know I can't.
Taking my words the wrong way and me not explaining, the crossing of her hands gets tighter, managing only to make her breasts pop out upward, all to my detriment. With only this unconscious gesture, she managed to make me want to change my mind.
After acting like such a dick, she'd definitely hit me if I'd dare touch her. But goddamnit, I want it so bad right now.
And she is not even looking at me, but straight forward, on the road.
"Do you feel like more talking or driving? You said you have a long road ahead. I think you should better get driving and stop worrying about my wellbeing."
Her angry tone reminds me of my earlier decision.
"You know what? Whatever. Do whatever the hell you want. But put your damn seat belt."
"No."
"No? You want to fly out the windscreen if something happens?"
"Not about the goddamned seat belt! I wasn't talking about that!"
"Then?"
"Then… Then- You know what? This is not about me. It's about you. What's the matter with you? I thought-" she stops with a light groan and I want to punch myself for the hurting I see in her eyes. "Nevermind. My bad. I thought wrong."
"You thought what?"
"Last night we were fine! Like, really fine. And ever since I woke up- ever since you woke me up, I feel like all I am doing is wrong and- and… Did something happen? Did I do something? Is there something wrong? Are you mad at me?"
No. I did. I just have to keep you away and I have no other idea how to do it than to do what you hate most.
"I am not mad, or at least not for now, but with the way you act, I might get there sooner than planned."
With each word I say, I see sadness filling her features and I hate myself for it, but I don't stop, even though all I wish now is to wrap my arms around her and wipe away the tears forming in her eyes.
"And well, you're not doing anything from what I am telling you to do. That's what's wrong."
"Fine. Then I'll do it." her voice gets ice cold. "I'll do whatever the hell you tell me to do. I'll be your little obedient dog from now on."
She spits those words at me as she complies and puts the seat belt on and doesn't say anything else.
But as I drive, she still keeps that upset face on, her arms crossed again and she throws my way ugly glances from time to time, something surely being on her mind, something that she wants to say, but abstains herself so well.
And I must admit that I have a hard time abstaining myself from pulling up again and make her talk to me, to tell her that I'm sorry, that I would never act like this with her again, but I squeeze the wheel until my muscles hurt, keeping myself from changing my mind.
But no more than fifteen minutes later, she can't fight the sleep anymore even though she struggled to keep her eyes open, just in spite of me. She rubbed her eyes until I bet it hurt, she suppressed yawns and shifted her position a lot, but she still fell asleep and now she is purring lightly, her head propped uncomfortably on the window.
Well, I told her so but she didn't want to listen.
Let her sleep like that then. It's what she wished for.
I am not going to care. Not even a bit.
But two minutes later, she shifts her position and tries to curl herself as I suppose she is trying to find a more comfortable position than the one she is in, but that is unsuccessful.
Well, I told her so too. But again, she didn't listen. She insisted to be stubborn.
Let her bear the consequences.
I don't care.
Oh, who are you fooling, Dimitri?
No one. I am fooling no one. My eyes are on her more than they are on the road and I can't find it in myself to leave her like this.
I care too much to leave her like this. Her body would hurt all over later.
Oh, Roza. I am going to drive myself insane around you. In my entire life, I have never had such a frail willpower around anyone. I never changed my mind so often between two choices. But then again, she is not just anyone and this is not a usual situation.
Cursing myself under my breath, I stop the car once more and after I set things up in the backseat, I pick her up very carefully so that I won't wake her up, or God forbid she'll get upset again. Or worse than earlier. Who knows what she'll do this time. Maybe she'll try to hit me. And I know I'll deserve it.
But to my relief, she snuggles happily at my chest, letting out a sleepy growl and curling herself into a little ball as I move her.
I slowly detach her from me and place her on the backseat and cover her with the blanket she refused some time ago.
And even though I should pull away, I can't. Now that I already gave in, why resist the temptation?
I bring my palm closer to her cheek and I slowly walk the outer side of my fingers along it, feeling her soft skin on mine. Oh, I would do this every single day.
But you won't. Now get away from her!
But when I want to pull away and to close the door, she moves, getting her hand out from under the blanket and reaches for mine, catching me by my two last fingers.
Oh, so I wasn't as careful as I wished. Did she feel what I did earlier?
"I…" Okay. Here it comes. She'll get upset again. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch earlier. I didn't mean to. You were just trying to be nice to me and I…"
I have been a dick and she's apologizing?
My hand instantly reaches for hers, wrapping my fingers along hers, and I give them a reassuringly squeeze.
"It's okay." I tried to keep my tone neutral, but I don't succeed. I feel too guilty to continue to be a jackass. "Just get some sleep now, okay, love?"
She nods, takes her hand back and snuggles under the blanket.
I get back to my place.
"Thanks, comrade," she says before closing her eyes, making me want to smash my head into the steering wheel. She's being too good to me and I never thought it would be this hard to act so harsh with her.
RPOV
A lot of hours later, a pretty good sleep into the backseat of the car and a fast lunch, some more uncomfortable hours of silence next to him, we get to a bar, just when the suns starts to set.
What? Does he want to get me drunk me again? No thanks. I got embarrassed enough once and a second time I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from anything.
"What are we doing here, comrade?" I ask him as I follow him through some tables, until we find an empty one.
It's a nice place to spend your evening into, the tables all made from hardwood, the lighting inside giving the place a cozy look. There are some billiard tables too around that you can spend some time at playing, and the people here seem to enjoy themselves.
But I know all too well that we're not here for any of these things.
After he is gentleman enough to help me take a seat, he sits down too, across from me.
"So?"
"So what?"
"So what we're doing here? You haven't answered my question."
"What can I bring you?" a woman asks out of nowhere.
"We're… having a drink, apparently." he takes the chance to dodge my question with a little smug smile creeping on his lips as he greets the waitress, and she responds to him in an instant, just like a kitten that has been scratched behind her ears.
Amazing. With just with that, he charmed her. Hell, with that cheeky smile, he's charm all the women in this bar.
"Do you want anything? But not anything alcoholic for you," he approaches a playful tone, but I am so not in the mood for that.
"Don't worry. I don't want any drink anyway."
I am way too irritated and I rest my back onto the chair and cross my arms, trying to signal him that he's again getting annoying with his insistence of not telling me.
But still, he tells the woman to bring us some soft drinks, sending her away.
And I would have made a remark on his order, but I decide to keep it to myself.
"Come on, say it," he says already smiling.
"Say what?"
"Whatever's on your mind. You're anyway going to tell it to me when you'll can't keep it in, so why not say it now? We'll at least have something to talk about."
"We could have been talking about what we're doing here."
"Fair enough. We're here to meet someone. Now it's your turn."
"I thought that all Russians drink vodka. Don't you?"
He laughs lightly and soundly, but only for a second or so, not giving me much time to enjoy it.
"You're so full of superstitions, aren't you?"
I shrug. "You wanted to hear it."
"Do you have some more?"
Oh, plenty. Especially about his cowboy inclinations. But I don't think he'll enjoy hearing them.
"Not for the moment."
And not having anything else to focus on, all I can think of is my hair that doesn't want to sit in one place and it's all over.
"Comrade?"
"Yes?"
"Do you have an extra hair tie?"
"Where's yours?"
"I lost it in the car." it fell out of my hair and I couldn't get my hands on it.
We get interrupted by the waitress as she comes back, with a flirty attitude on, her eyes on my companion all the time, smiling at him and then, when she has to look at me to put my drink down, she looks like she's be ready to claw my eyes off.
Oh, wow. She's jealous of me. No need, woman. You can have him whole. I am sick of everything about him anyway. Let her deal with him. I bet that she can satisfy his needs better than I could anyway...
And I thought that the subject was dropped, but any response that he could have given me, this one I didn't see coming.
"Why don't you ever keep your hair down?"
"I do…" sometimes at least.
"Not for what I've seen. Not for the past month." he kept an account of that?
But hey, isn't he right? Since when didn't you got out in the world with your hair down?
A while. Like a five-month while.
"Well, I... I don't know... The power of habit I guess," I try to cover things up with a lie.
"The habit of what?"
How can I explain to him that I have been made to not like it? Mason usually told me I look amazing with my hair down and then someone else came and told me just the opposite, on so many occasions.
And well, aren't I the perfect people pleaser? It has got ingrained in my brain to keep it up, and here I am, not bearing to have it let unclasped. Simple.
I shrug it off.
"Just... you know…" I reach for my beverage and start stirring in it with the straw, focusing my eyes on it. "With the little kids all the time around me, they get to pull your hair sometimes and I got tired of that and it's better to keep it up. Less fuss. Fewer things to worry about."
"Whatever you say," he says smiling, shaking his head and looking away.
"What?"
"Nothing, Rose. Just, you're lying and I don't get why you do with this little thing."
"What? You don't believe me?"
"Not really. You don't do a good job when you are lying."
"Really?" I can't hide my surprise at hearing him say this and I even bend over the table a little, getting closer to him.
This means I sucked big time last night. No wonder he wanted so bad to know the truth.
"Yeah. Really. I can tell."
"Like, how?"
"First, you start with that thing, "you know", and you avoid eye contact."
"I avoid eye contact a lot," I need to remind him. Especially with him.
He smiles, looking at me intensely, which makes me once again look away.
"Yeah, this is right. But in a different way when you lie. You're always looking right and down."
Do I?
"What else?" I don't know why, but it is so weird for me that he can read me this easily when I can't read him at all.
"You tend to play with your hair quite much. You put it behind your ears ten times in five seconds. Especially now that you have it down."
"I didn't play with my hair."
"You just did, love."
Okay, that must have been something unconscious.
"Well, this problem that would have been avoided if you would have given me a hairband, comrade."
He laughs once more.
"Right. But I only have one."
Which is already in his hair. But hey, I wouldn't mind the switch.
And instead of asking him to hand it to me no matter what, I resume to imagining him with his hair down in my head as I change the subject.
"How do you do it right?"
"What?"
"Lying. I bet that is one of the first things they teach you in spy school, right? How to deceive people."
"Spy school? You're still not giving up on that?"
"Call it what you want, comrade, it's the same thing anyway. Will you tell me or not?"
"Why not? Okay. First, of course, you should get rid of those problems I have already pointed out."
"How?"
"Keep your hands at your sides or on your lap. Remain still. Generally moving a lot is a sign that you are lying. Don't shrug your shoulders a lot either because you do that in order to seem easygoing, which, I'm telling you, it's not doing the trick."
Damn, so many things give me away?
"Okay. What else?"
"Getting over your movements, keep your lie simple. Include details that make your lie seem legitimate, but not so many that it becomes complicated. A simple, straightforward lie is easier to maintain."
I swear I could listen to him for days, no matter what he's saying, and now I am taking advantage of the fact that he's talking.
"What else?"
"Keep your voice normal. Another unconscious change that occurs when you lie is that the pitch of your voice gets higher."
"It does?"
"Aham."
"Okay. Good to know. Is there anything more?"
"Not that I could think of now. And now that you know the basics, tell me three things, and one of them should be a lie."
"What? You're testing me now?"
"You can call it like that if you want to."
"You first."
"I already know how to do it." oh, don't I know already?
"Yes, I know you do. But I want to see how that works. See the master working."
"Fine." he takes a second to think, then gets speaking again. "Even though I have been born in Russia where we have a lot of ice, I have never learned to ice skate. I am allergic to dogs."
"Hey, that is already a truth."
"Two of them are supposed to be truths."
"But not ones I already know, comrade."
He shrugs. Oh, so he's telling me as little things as possible about him. Whatever. Why did I expect more?
"Fine. And the last one?"
"I owe a beach house in Cancun." He is taking me too easy. I already know which is which. "Okay. Which was the lie? Take a guess. You only have two choices."
"Oh, so you made things easier for me on purpose?"
He shrugs. "Maybe."
"It's definitely the first one because come on, who hasn't learned to skate? Especially in that arctic wasteland you come from."
"Arctic wasteland?"
"Hey, don't change the subject and tell me, was I right?"
He shrugs.
"You won't tell me, right?" not even this little thing?
He smiles. "Your turn."
And I want to be good at it. But I know that I can't hide all the evidence of my lying. He'll read me from the first second.
But hey, I could try one thing. I could pretend I am lying with all the things I say.
So, as I speak, I keep on doing the stuff he just pointed out, looking down at my right, playing with my hair and all, doing my best to deceive him, hoping that it will work.
"I have always been in love with those girly, over-sweet candy or fruity perfumes. I have always sucked at keeping my balance on one and I never got to learn to ride a bicycle. And… I never really enjoyed watching football, but I started doing it just because in middle school Mason started playing."
He looks at me and tilts his head to one side.
"I said only one lie, Rose."
"It was only one lie there."
He smiles. "Nicely played. I liked your approach. Which one was a lie?"
Was I that good that he couldn't guess?
"Oh, with your big spy abilities, can't you figure it out?"
"The first one," he says, blowing away all my cockiness.
I squint my eyes at him.
"You knew it from the first second which was the lie. I wasn't that good. I wasn't good at all, right?"
He smiles warmly and pats my hand lightly.
"No. You were good. It was a good approach, but the pieces of evidence gave you away."
"What evidence?"
"Your perfumes." he smelled them?
"I keep on forgetting that you snooped around everywhere and how weird that is."
He doesn't take any offense at my commentary, just changes the subject.
"But look at the bright side. With a little practice, one day, you might be a great liar. You have the potential."
"Yeah, maybe some other time, comrade. One day I'll lie to you and you won't know."
The waitress comes by again, again trying to be cheeky and she flirts with him, again, batting her lashes while she's asking only him if he wants anything else.
But I would like something else. I would love for her to get the hell away from here.
Why? You're getting a little jealous?
No! Of course not. I want it just because. She's getting to become annoying. She keeps on interrupting us.
And wait a second. Did she pull her shirt downwards so that her chest would be more visible? Because I swear that I couldn't see that much of it earlier. Damn, isn't she doing her best? I wonder if it's working on him. And why wouldn't he? She's quite… blessed.
I don't even know what they talked about, I was too pissed off at her to pay attention, but the flirt was obvious, and she left the table with an idiotic smile spread on her lips.
Would they do it in the bathroom later? Should I expect him to ditch me and excuse himself a little? And why wouldn't he? She seemed so eager from her gestures and from what I know, he's not the man to say not to such a no strings attached offer.
I keep on staring at him, anger washing over me, thinking how the hell was he capable to want me so passionately last night and now he just flirted with her. He's such a player. He hits on anything that moves, little bastard. And I was so close to falling for that.
"Come on, Rose. Say it already."
"Say what?"
"Whatever it is that you're thinking of. Whatever upsets you."
Oh, shit. Was I that obvious? Did he guess what I was thinking of?
Instead of telling him my frustrations, I get back to my previous question.
"What are we doing here?"
"I already told you. We're waiting for someone."
"Someone like?"
"A man." At his blank answers, I sigh and roll my eyes. "What?"
"It doesn't help me with anything. It's like I haven't asked you anything. All that I know now is the gender of the one we're waiting for. Very helpful."
"And what more would you want to know?"
Everything! Why we're seeing him, who is he, is he good, is he bad, and there would be a hundred more questions I could ask.
"Like you'd tell me. You never tell me anything. So what would be the point?"
"Rose… I-"
"No, it's okay. I know the procedure. Shut up and do as I have been told, don't ask any questions and everything will be alright. I promised you I would listen to you so… I would waste my breath asking."
"Okay, then. If it matters this much to you, ask me. I will tell you."
Him doing this, only makes me get more upset.
I push my chair backward and get up.
"I don't want to know anymore."
When I want to walk past him, he, of course, stops me, his fingers wrapping on my forearm.
"What's the matter now?"
"I don't want you to tell me because you feel sorry for me or stuff like this. I would like you to do it because you think…" I bite my lip stopping myself from continuing speaking shit.
He wouldn't get it.
I try to pull away. But he pulls me back.
"I think that what?"
'"It's not important. And let go of me. People are watching."
He still holds my hand.
"Comrade…"
"I don't care." he only pulls me closer. "Tell me why."
Why? I would like him to do it because he trusts me, this is why. To trust me just a little bit, after I trusted him with everything.
"I um… I would like to go use the restroom, please. Let go of me."
DPOV
When she comes back out, her eyes, that I don't know if they are red now, are doing their best to avoid the place I am sitting into, and she doesn't come back here.
Instead, she stops next to an empty pool table right in front of the bar, and orders herself another drink.
As she waits, she starts playing with a ball there, rounding it on the table, her eyes still trying to ignore me, even though I keep on staring her way and she was so close some times to lift them all the way up and meet mine.
And I could have gotten up and gone there, but something stopped me from doing it. She'll come back here anyway.
After she gets her drink, she keeps on sitting there, just in spite of me, and a guy approaches her, starting to talk with her. Nice. She's making friends now.
And the first thing she does is to look for my eyes, after so much time of trying to do just the opposite. I wonder what she's up to. Is she wanting to see if I'm watching? Because I never stopped watching.
I give her a meaningful look, so that she wouldn't try anything. It would be a pity to have to harm that guy.
But as I see them speaking some more, the guy only gets closer to her and I realize he is trying his charms on her. And she even smiles at him.
And with this image in front of me, something starts growing in me. Some anger? Yes. That too. Lots of it. But there's something more.
Maybe some jealousy?
No. Maybe. I don't know. But he is shamelessly hitting on her and she's not protesting in any way and this makes me want to go there right now, which I'm trying my best not to do.
And she keeps on looking my way, like wanting to torture me some more, to be sure that I am seeing what's happening there, and I try my best to keep my ground and not do anything reckless, even though in my mind I am already ripping that guy's guts out.
And the more I stare at her, I realize that I see distress on her expression, and not any pleasure in having that conversation. Oh, I get it. She doesn't know how to deal with the guy.
Her level of discomfort is high and I see her scratching her hands, pulling the sleeves of her blouse downward, putting her hair behind her ears, looking away, trying to avoid that guy at any cost, her eyes looking at me like pleadingly, and she even moves out of his reach when he tries to touch her upper arm.
That's when I get enough of it.
Can't he see too that she doesn't want to have anything to do with him?
I get up and head their way, reaching them in less than two seconds.
Seeing me close to them, a smile lightens up her face.
"Hey, you're back!" her voice gets overly excited. "What took you so long to come back?"
She asks that just as excited and in an instant, attaches herself to me, rounding her palm on my upper arm, a gesture that surprises me, but that I can't say I don't enjoy.
And if she wants us to pretend, why not go all the way, right?
I take advantage of this and put my arm around her middle, my palm resting under her ribs, and I pull her closer to me, to which she doesn't protest. She even goes as further as putting her palm on my chest and smiles at me.
"You see, I just met Josh here and I was talking with him about a game of pool and I was thinking you would like to meet him too. Maybe we could all three play..."
"Of course I would like that, love."
Keeping Rose a little away, I bend closer to him, taking advantage of my height to impose myself on him, and I let the anger in me speak, loud enough for only him to hear.
"Get away from her before I break every bone in your body."
The guy's face quickly goes blank and without making another sound, he rushes away.
Letting go of me, and me having to do the same, she sighs, then leans over the table once more, supporting herself on it.
"What did you say to him?"
"That I would be very pleased to play a game with him."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Sure. I bet you did," she says smiling, her eyes down, her fingers playing with the edges of the wooden table. "But I um… thanks for that, comrade."
"What? Couldn't you deal with him by yourself?" I already know she wasn't doing a great job.
She shrugs and starts playing with the ball again, avoiding my eyes.
"Well, guys like him are kind of insistent."
"And what? Can't you tell them no?"
She sighs once more.
"I don't know. Wouldn't that be rude from me to… you know, cut them off like that?"
Her answer makes me laugh.
"Oh, Roza. You're too kind." she should have flipped him off if he kept on insisting.
She bites her lip and lifts her eyes, looking at me, then puts her hair behind her ears.
"Yeah, that's me. The too kind Rose that can't say no."
"You should. And it's not like you haven't done it before, right?"
I didn't plan to bring back what happened last night, but my mouth just let it out. I admit. It still bugs me that she didn't tell me why. She had her right to change her mind and I respect that. But then again, why lie about it?
"Right… But I don't know… I can't be that straightforward."
"About that." maybe I'll be able to figure out a little part of her. "How come you are so shy?"
"I um… don't know." her voice gets a little offended. "What kind of question is that, anyway?"
"Just a curious one. You seem to act differently around people. More… keeping to yourself."
"What do you mean?"
She knows so well what I am talking about.
"I have heard you when you were alone in your apartment, Rose. You are not like that around anybody else."
"I don't know… I just am like that. Like this, I mean. No particular reason."
And her being like this only makes me want to know her more. I want to unravel all of her mysteries. I would like so, so much for her to act like the alone Rose around me. I would like for her not to be so tense around me. To feel comfortable enough to act freely. To not act so scared of whatever I do.
She gets her attention back to the table and now traces the line of the pool stick laying there.
And I don't know what else to tell her to make her feel better because she looks kinda affected by this little conversation we had. And I want to find a way to distract her.
I get the other pool stick.
"You want to play some?"
"What? Me?" I nod. Who else? "Oh, no. That would take a lot because I don't know how to play."
"You would like to learn?"
She considers things, looking at the table then back at me a couple of times.
"Plus, we have some time left on our hands. It's just five and the one we are supposed to meet comes a little later."
She is still thinking about it, quite intensely, like this would be a very big thing.
"You can say no if you don't want to. I won't mind at all. Just speak your mind."
"I guess I would like to, in fact. I always wanted to learn how, but I always sucked when someone tried to teach me."
"Then, you haven't had a proper teacher."
"Eh, Ale-" she bites her tongue and looks down. "I don't think it was my teacher's problem."
She again got reminded of that bastard and got a little sad. I wonder if what he did to her would ever stop haunt her. And I don't even know all the things he did. But all I want is for her not to think about him. Ever again, if possible.
"Anyway. That doesn't matter now. Come on. Get that pool and come here. I'll teach you."
"Can I ask you something before that?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Don't get mad at me if I… if I suck," she says faintly while staring down at my shoes.
"Hey, love." I lift her by her chin and make her look at me, and I am smiling reassuringly at her. "Why would I get mad?"
"I don't know… I-"
"I won't." whatever Haynes did, I won't.
She nods, smiling back at me.
"So, what do I do now?"
"Do you know anything about the technique?"
"Not really. I mean, I have seen a lot of people playing, but all I did mostly was to watch."
"Okay. Then let's work on your position first."
RPOV
He places a ball on the table and points to it.
"We'll hit that. Let's see what you know first."
I take the stick and hold it as I have seen people doing it on so many times and lean over the table.
I look at him.
"Is this okay?"
He looks at me smiling and shakes his head.
"Not really, love. Can I?"
And I think he wants to show me how, so I nod and want to get up, but he stops me and comes closer to me, from one side and glues his body to mine. In an instant, my breath starts to get heavier and my heart gets beating faster.
First, his palm gets a hold of my hip and he turns me some more towards the table, adjusting my position. His hand doesn't leave my body as it travels up on my ribcage and gets to my shoulder, where he rests his palm and squeezes lightly.
"Relax it, Rose."
And it takes me more than a second to understand what he is telling me to do, because the thing is that I wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying to me, as I was way too distracted by his hand moving on my body.
So I look for his eyes for some more explanations.
I turn my head towards his direction.
"What did you sa-"
I stop midway as I realize how close to me he is and of how close I was to bump my face into his.
From the shock, I stand still into this position, being too afraid to move some more.
And for a whole, long minute, nothing happens. None of us moves, nothing can be heard by my ears except his and my heavy breathing and I get drunk on his amazing scent once again.
I think that I will be able to spend my entire life like this, no matter how long or short that would get to be.
I gulp hard at one stray thought that passes my mind as I study his features. A bad thought. But only God knows that when I am around him all I get is bad, crazy thoughts. This man has such an influence over me it's crazy.
And I, again, want to kiss him so, so, so bad.
But gosh, wouldn't that be so bad?
I take my eyes off his lips and look down, trying to avoid making this huge mistake again and some strands of my hair fall right in front of my eyes.
I want to put them away, but he gets his hand up way before I manage to move and he brings his fingers on my cheek, moving my hair out of the way. And then again, we keep on staring at each other.
But of course that this thing cannot happen for long, and the universe is here to remind me of that because soon enough some guy bumps into our table and breaks all the magic that started to form.
And I guess I am thankful for this because things were obviously heading in the let's don't do that way.
We both get up on an instant and look at each other embarrassed. Or I am the embarrassed one anyway. He's not the man to feel that.
"Oh, sorry for that," the guy says, and from the way he's speaking, I get it that he's drunk. "I didn't want to spoil your moment, but your table got a little in my way."
"Oh, but we were not…" having any moment I want to say, but the guy is long gone and I realize it's not worth to end that sentence.
And to not let things follow that weird path I think they would, he takes charge over the situation and asks me if I want to try again. And I agree.
But this time he doesn't touch me as much, he just points with his finger some areas that I should adjust and I do as I am being said, like the little apprentice I am.
And when I try by myself, only following his indications, I fail lamentably. I hit the ball but it ends down the table, and of course, with his fast reflexes he doesn't even let it touch the floor so I would attract the entire bar's attention my way.
I get up and put the stick down.
"I suck so bad."
"Hey, it's just the first time. You'll get better at it with some more practice."
And I try again. I take the pool back and position myself.
"Is this okay?"
He has the same reaction as earlier. "Not really."
And he comes again over me and positions me, but moving fast and strategically, then gets away.
"Now it's perfect. Let's hit it"
Us?
"We're... going to do this together?"
"Yes, we are."
He again gets closer and his palms come over mine, cupping them, and he guides the pool along with me, positioning it closer to the ball.
"You're ready, love?" he whispers in my ear.
I nod lightly and he moves his hands along with mine and we hit that ball and as expected, it ends up into the hole.
I squeal excitedly as we get up.
"We did it!"
He smiles and crosses his hands over his chest, watching me, being more composed than me.
So I get a hold of myself.
"That was... nice."
"Yeah. Now try again by yourself."
And for the next minutes, I try and try and try to find the right amount of force and the perfect position and after so many tries, just when I was so close to giving up, I hit that damn ball and it goes into the hole. Yes! It was about time!
I do a very short happy dance and I swear that I don't put even a single second of thought in what I do next, which is to round my arms on him in my excitement.
I feel him tensing under me and I get that I stepped waaay out of line here.
But then this happens.
When I want to pull away, in that very second, I feel him relaxing and he even reciprocates my gesture, his hands rounding on me for a very brief amount of time, then he lets me pull away.
Gosh, wasn't this embarrassing? Why the hell did I do that in the first place?
DPOV
Her little affectionate gesture startled me, but I loved every second of it, no matter how short it was. She seemed to be that uninhibited Rose I want to see more of.
But now, she looks quite embarrassed about it and she's biting her lip. Oh, if she'd only knew how much I didn't want her to pull away.
"Do you want to go back to our table? My friend should come anyway."
"I um… sure. Let's go."
And it doesn't take him much to show himself. Just as we took a seat, Ivan entered the bar.
"Rose?"
"Huh?"
"Go sit over there and I'll get you some crayons to draw with so you won't get bored," I try to loosen up things a little, but my joke doesn't get appreciated to its fullest.
Her lips press together. She got mad at me for this comment and yes, it was kind of out of place if I think about it some more.
"You're a first-class prick, you know that?"
"You are the only one who has called me like that so far, love."
"Well, expect me to do it more."
"Hey, Rose. How are you doing?" Ivan greets her first, obviously excited to finally see her, this little nosy bastard.
But she is not that excited, all because of me. She shoots him an ugly glance and gets up.
"Hi to you too. I am packing up my crayons and leaving, thanks for asking. The adults need to talk now," she says snappy as she looks at me, her stare being close to killing.
And lastly, she says a faint "Woof-woof" in a mocking tone, then gets away from us, heading to the bar.
Ivan takes a seat across from me and looks at Rose as she's getting away.
"I like her. Judging by that stare of hers, if looks could kill, you'd be six feet under already."
"Just wait five minutes. That is not the best she can do."
"Eh, come on. You're not a saint either."
"True that."
"But tell me one thing. Did you start being into high scholars lately?"
"What?"
"I mean, how old is this chick? Is she underage?"
"No."
"So, is she allowed to drink?"
"Yes, for two years now."
"Damn. And what's the thing with her?"
"Just a job thing."
"That's all?"
"Why would there be more?"
"Just making sure. But hey, it's a pity, you know? Because she's hot."
No, she is not just hot. She is beautiful in all the possible ways.
"And… did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Come on, Dimitri. Have you gotten her already in bed?"
"What?"
"Isn't this why she is so mad? Because you worked your magic on her and she finally understood she won't get anything more from you?"
His words make me get angry. I know I wanted to do this. But not anymore. And him thinking that annoys me.
"No."
"No?"
"No. Why are you so surprised about it?"
"I'm not. Just… then what's with that attitude from her?"
"Apparently, I annoy her very much and she hates me." or at least I am working to get her to really feel that towards me, even though I keep on failing.
"I get it," he says all-knowingly and his eyes drift towards her. "And do you enjoy it?"
"Enjoy what?"
"Doing it. If she is annoyed, it must be because you are doing something. So, do you enjoy it?"
His comment makes me laugh.
"Very much."
At times, I'd tease her just to see her get so feisty. She's fragile, but harsh and stubborn and she doesn't have the slightest idea how strong she is in fact. I simply love her that at her.
And talking about her, I look for her to see if she's throwing glances our way, probably still being upset by my stupid comment. As I spot her, I see she seems sad. Maybe my words seemed way meaner than I intended them to be, which is not at all.
"Buddy, you'd better keep your hands off this woman." I hear Ivan say, and he has probably said more, but I got distracted until now.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"I did. But what do you mean with that?"
He shrugs. "Just saying. I mean, maybe I am just imagining things, but the way you look at her? Not good."
"I don't look at her in any way."
"You don't?"
"I don't. I am just keeping an eye on her so that she won't do anything stupid. She always ends up doing something that gets her hurt."
He smiles again all-knowingly. "If you say so... Lie to yourself that it's just that."
"Ivan…" I growl. Why does he always think he knows things better than me?
"Hey. Just listen to me. Don't you call me by my name if this woman won't be the end of you. I have known you for far too long to not know-"
"You don't know shit."
"Fine. So be it as you say, buddy. Your denial will only make my "I told you so" more enjoyable. But you know it too, deep inside you. You just find the first thing that you are not allowed to have and want her?"
"I don't want her."
"Sure. And I was born yesterday and haven't known you for almost all my life. But anyway, great choice."
I puff. "You should really get something to do. Because all this time by yourself is doing you no good. Out there in your little cave, you are going crazy and you start imagining things that are not happening."
"Yeah. Maybe. If you say so."
"Do you have what I wanted?" I head to the main reason for our meeting.
"Hey, guys. Do you need a drink?" that insisting waitress comes by again and interrupts us.
"Oh, yes. I would love a beer, honey." Ivan instantly starts flirting with her and all I can hope is that she'll stop doing it with me and give all her attention to him.
"I'm on it."
And when I think that she'll let us be, she stops and looks at me.
"I know I may be too direct, but, are you single?"
"N-"
"Yes. He is," Ivan responds before I do and I swear I want to punch him.
That flirty smile spreads again on her lips. "Good to know. You know, my shift ends in half an hour. Would you like to grab a drink then?"
"I am busy."
"I can wait until you guys are done. I'll wait for you at the bar," she says before turning and starting to get away.
The second she turns her back on us, I pin Ivan with my stare. I can't believe he did this.
"What? You said you don't want Rose."
"But it doesn't mean I want that woman."
"You're kidding, right? Have you even taken a look at her?"
As a matter of fact, I did. I wasn't impressed.
I get up, leaving him there, as I go to set things right with that waitress.
RPOV
And oh, he even gets up and goes after her, now that I am not around to hear what plans they're making for later the night.
And I mean, why would he even say no to her? She's hot. Like, really hot. She rocks her body, she has that T-shirt pulled down again, revealing more to the eye than necessary, she's so tall, she has a perfect face, and her blonde hair is flawless. No wonder he's already planning his night with her.
And I promised myself that I wouldn't get mad about it again. But here I am, doing it.
When I see her touch him, that feeling only grows in me. When I see him move his hand over hers and drag it down in between them, I feel like exploding. Only God knows what's happening there because I can't see him as he has his back turned at me. But her face is telling me more than I need to know.
Wasn't I the one who said no to that? After all, I could have what she's going to get and I said no. I could have been in her place now, getting his passionate attention. But again, I said no. I should even be grateful it didn't happen.
But I feel just the opposite. I feel jealous of her. I feel like she's taking away from me something that was never mine anyway. And I hate her for that.
DPOV
And now that I have been called a jerk for saying a thing and changing my mind in the next minute, I come back to my table to pick on my so beloved brother.
"Why did you do that?" he asks me, having the guts to act upset.
"Why did I do that? Because you're an idiot."
"No. You're the idiot. You blew your chances tonight."
"I didn't want any chances. Why did you say that to her?"
"Why? Isn't it true? You're free, right?" he asks smiling.
"It is. I am. But I-"
"You what? Have someone else on your mind?"
"No. I have something on my mind. Something I have to do. And stop that." I know what he's trying to do, but I won't let it work.
"That can wait. You can go have a little fun."
"No. She can't wait. She is no longer safe here." she's not safe anywhere.
"Tell me again buddy, why are you doing this?"
"Because she deserves better."
"And you keep on insisting there's nothing going on?"
"There isn't. I am just doing this for a person being that doesn't deserve this."
"And is she worth everything you are getting yourself into?"
"Look. She is a good person. She is not like us. She… deserves better than this. This is the right thing to do. I know it is."
"If you say so, then fine. Do whatever you want. But promise me you'll be okay."
"Don't I always?"
"Don't know buddy. Ever since these rebellious ideas have gotten into your head, I don't think you'll always be safe."
"I'll take my chances anyway." for her I'll take all my chances.
RPOV
And of course, after their little talk, she comes to me, smiling proud of herself. Doesn't she have some other tables to serve? Why isn't she doing her job?
She sits in front of me and I have already fisted my palms under the table, to keep myself composed. She may be good looking, but her face annoys the hell out of me.
"I am sorry to inform you, but tonight you will be going home solo."
"Fine. Whatever." it's not like I was expecting something different. Maybe his friend will babysit me. I wonder if he's the same as the Russian.
"Your friend and I are leaving together."
"Whatever," I repeat myself, not knowing what else to say.
What would there be to say? I already feel like an idiot. The biggest of them all. Let him do whatever he pleases. It's not like he cares about me anyway.
"You want to know what he told me?" she continues to push it.
"Not really." I can't help but become snappy.
"But I will tell you anyway because you were just so sure he likes you. I saw it when you two were playing pool. But you two were not meant to be, let's be honest now."
I already know that, I don't need this little bitch to remind me.
"What did he tell you?" I just torture myself. Maybe if I hear enough, I'll get to hate him, like I should.
"Oh, he told me that as soon as he gets rid of you, he'll be mine all night long. Look. No offence, hun. He made it quite obvious who he wants and who he doesn't."
"I bet he did."
And when I even begin to think that we were so close to doing it last night. Foolish me. As always.
Why am I letting get to me in this way? It shouldn't matter to me who he sleeps with. Last night it could have been me. Tonight it's going to be her. So what? Tomorrow he'll have another woman. For him, things don't matter. Why do they matter so much to me?
But she just keeps on talking.
"I bet he is a stud. I wonder how long he lasts. I bet that sex with him is great. And I can't wait to try."
Seeing the tears that formed in my eyes, she looks at me pitifully.
"You wish you'd be the one he does tonight, right?"
No. I wish I meant more to him than a missed fuck.
"Come on now. Just look at him and look at you. He would never, ever look at someone like you. You are so not his type. He is way out of your league, honey. And I am not telling you this just to be mean or anything. I am telling it to you just as a friend. As an advice. Don't get your hopes up. You will be way more than disappointed. Sit in your place, love."
And hearing her call me just like he does, I try to be composed. I try not to let everything out. I try so, so hard not to let everything she says get to me. I try being the good Rose that I am all the time, that takes all the shit and never says anything.
I am nice. I always am. And I take a lot of shit without uttering a single word. Every single time, I am the one who gets hurt, even though I do my best to make things right.
But now, I am full of rage. On him. On myself. On everyone and everything. And I decide it's not worth it to be nice anymore. I decide I have had enough of it. Of him, of my stupidity, of her, especially.
My fists are already tight under the table. All it takes from her is one more word for me to snap and take a shot at her.
I am so done with people treating me like shit!