Thoughts

It was exactly 12:00 noon, and I heard footsteps on my front porch. Knowing my next client was going to knock or ring my doorbell, I thought "It's not the twentieth century anymore, cousin. Come on in."

"I was trying to be polite," said Edward, in a low voice, walking in through the door.

"Always a gentleman. Follow me." I walked into the therapy room, and sat in my chair. "Sit whatever's comfortable."

"Thank you. I try not to pry into my family members' minds, but all of them seem to feel better just talking to you. You seem to be doing a wonderful job." Sitting in one of the plush EMDR chairs.

"Thank you, so what is on your mind?"

"I don't really know why I am here. Carlisle is insisting that I come talk to you. Really as long as Bella is happy, I am happy."

"And is Bella happy?"

"No. She is eager to become one of us."

"Have you asked her for her reasoning?"

"She feels like a burden as a human, and says she is a better use as a vampire. Which is ridiculous."

"Look at this from her perspective. The girl has been attacked many times, and many people have come to her aid. If someone got injured or worse killed in the process, do you think she could live with the guilt?"

"The answer is not to turn her, the answer is to remove her from the situation."

"I gather you tried that. How did that work?"

"We all dispersed, and kept in contact by phone. Carlisle and Esme went to Ithaca, New York, where Carlisle taught at Cornell University and Esme restored houses. Alice and Jasper went with them and enrolled at the university. Emmett and Rose went gallivanting off on a second or third honeymoon. I went South trying to get my mind off of Bella. It was horrible. Every woman was her, or so not her it made me ache for her. I would call it off so many times in my head that I almost came to Forks to check on her. I did call her once when Alice had a vision of her committing suicide. That mutt Jacob picked up the phone and said that Charlie was at a funeral. I thought she was dead, and I was ready to die too. So I went to the Volturi, staged a scene, and what do you know, Bella showed up alive a well, even willing to take me back. I didn't question it."

"If you were miserable without her, why didn't you restore the relationship?"

"I was convinced she would die living with my kind. Images of Jasper and I attacking her were running through my head every time I picked up the phone, just to check on her. I couldn't be that selfish."

"So you are being selfish by being with Bella, is it possible that she is getting something out of this?"

"She is sexually attractive to me because of vampirism, she loves me for my old-fashioned manners, also my vampirism, she enjoys the folklore I tell her, which I get from vampirism."

"Your good-looking, have manners, and tell good stories, Edward that is not a boyfriend, that is well-preserved grandfather."

He threw his hands up. "Fine, I have no idea why Bella wants to be with me?"

"Why?"

"Because I am unlovable," he said, coming out a human sob. "I've killed people."

"Tell me about them."

"Why? You already know?"

"Indulge me."

"Well I was turned in 1918, and I was so angry at Carlisle, I left in 1927 right after he turned Esme. I was so angry that I could not age, could not die, that I decided to be the worse that I could be. It only lasted for five years. I would live my life and find psychopath and murders and feed on them. I killed once or twice a month. In 1933, I looked at myself and saw a demon, and thought, at least Carlisle can live with himself. So I went back to them."

"Was it hard going off human blood?"

"Yes, but Carlisle and Esme helped me. They were very forgiving. More than I deserved."

"You ever read the Bible?"

He looked at me oddly, "Parts of it. I have had the do not kill lecture from Carlisle."

I laughed. "No, I meant the prodigal son. This boy asked for his inheritance before his dad died, which is a real slap in the face, then he goes and spends it all. He ends up getting a job as a pig farmer, and decides that working for his father would be better. So he quits and leaves. So he is walking to his old house, and his dad sees him, and runs after him. He dresses him in fine linen, puts a ring on his finger, throws a big party for him, and welcomes him home. That is what Carlisle and Esme did for you. You thought they were done with you, but they were ready to welcome you home, because you are their son."

"You think Esme and Carlisle love me and they put up with my antics because of that?"

"Yes. And Bella might be the same way."

"But look at all I have done."

"Love keeps no records of wrongs."

He looked at me inquisitively.

"That's Corinthians 13. My mom had me learn my scripture when I was nine. Listen, people have forgiven you for what you have done. It is time that you forgive yourself."

"So why is Bella with me?"

"You read people's minds. Why do women want you?"

"Well, I am supposedly attractive, very nice, clever, close to my family, well off, a gentleman."

"Good. Now why does your family care about you?"

"I Esme loves that I am artistic, Emmett loves that I have a dry sense of humor, Jasper loves that I am loyal to a fault, Rose loves that I am respectful of women, Alice thinks I am fun, and Carlisle thinks I have a good heart."

"Is it possible Bella sees all that in you as well?"

"Yes."

"So Bella might be crazy for wanting to be a vampire, but she is not crazy for being in love with you."

"I suppose."

"Can we stop here. We have established that you are loveable and not a monster?"

"Yes. Thank you, Sisi. This was quite productive."