The passing weeks were filled with resentment, impatience and ruffled feathers. Barrett never seemed to run dry on insults and offensive demeanors, but Loz kept his calm. Expecting the worst, Barrett had been constantly on his watch, but Loz was no longer the teary, plaintive cry-baby he once was. No, he was really different. Stable in some way, but it also made him unpredictable. When would the bomb explode, and what would it take? Surely he had to retain something of his former self, Barrett had wondered in the dead of the night. He didn't know this Loz and it worried him. Following a hearty breakfast, their usual chores commenced and the arduous hours passed by along with the shadows shifting place.
Loz had been asked to pick up some floorboards from a warehouse specializing in home and garden. Barrett taught him how to drive and maneuver the truck and he had been entrusted with the task of taking on more of the everyday-life errands. From the rear-mirror, Loz watched Hunci playing with a friend in the yard in front of the half-finished veranda, whilst Barrett was clearing off the left-over wood pieces to make room for the boards that by the end of this day would hopefully complete the appearance of the portico. They had hit many setbacks when the rain-season set in, but now the air was drying. So far, they had done a nice job and despite an occasional grunt from Barrett, Loz was pleased to see the fruits of his labor.
The silver spawn knew he had to be careful and remain incongnito as much as possible and if any interaction was needed, he had to be disguized enough not to awaken any suspicion. There was a slight advantage in having the faces of the spawns eroded from people's memories, because even when they were looking into the eyes of one, the likelihood of them being alive seemed so improbable that it was automatically rejected. But Loz took no chances. He was slightly tattered in appearance with a frayed top, which was in concordance with the stained and washed out trousers of strong denim and a pair of worn boots. It wasn't his regular outfit, but for building a porch it was more than sufficient and practical and to complete his shabby and uncharacteristic outfit, he wore a peak cap and sunglasses. The view surrounding him was but bleak and dismal, emptiness with only a few bushes and lonely trees rising out of the vast lands. A few houses and establishments could be seen from afar, but overall the countryside outside of Midgar was desolate. Midgar had once flourished, then fallen into ruins and passed most of its inhabitants to the sourrounding lands, but since it burst into full bloom anew it recalled the workers from the rural areas leaving the houses and plots abandoned. Midgar recuperated quickly, whilst the countryside quieted down. Loz put in a higher gear and from a distance he could see the warehouse emerging beyond the horizon. It was a seemingly desolate place, but at times it could be very busy as if it was the sole provider of construction items for both professionals and non-professionals. And there was no exaggeration in calling Barrett a non-professional when it came to building, which included virtually anything. After the fall of Sephiroth, Barrett had replaced the weapon on his prosthetic arm with a rather complex but unsophisticated mechanical hand that lacked the refinement of sublte movements. Granted, he had his strength, but at times he lacked the finesse Loz could compensate him for. For instance, there was no need to hammer the nails through the floorboards in order to secure them, just 'into' the floorboards. Loz, smiled at the thought. At times, Barrett underestimated his own strength and several boards had to be replaced due to cracks.
Loz drove the hover-truck to the pickup area behind the store. The goods were already packed and ready to be taken home. He got out of the vehicle and started loading them onto the trailer when a few helpful assistants offered him a hand. In order to avoid suspicion, by lifting five times as much as a normal human, he allowed the young men to help out, although it would have taken him both less time and effort to do it all by himself. But he waited patiently and when finished, he left a tip as Barrett had instructed him to.
The road home was calm this weekend, but fate was always hitting hardest when least expected. At one of the main crossings leading out of the small town, red lights brought him side by side with a familiar face. Loz had not noticed it at first, and probably would not have either, if it hadn't been for that loud pumping music blasting through the black car by his side. He turned his face and caught sight of a man from the past; a fidgety loudmouth who spoke insolence as easily as another would breathe. Reno. Loz could not stop staring. Images from the past, images from the marketplace, the last big stand between foes, it all came rushing back. The ill words spoken about his 'Mother'… ah yes, his 'Mother'. Where was she now? What happened to the rest of his brothers? He fixed his icy, feline gaze on the redhead whilst trying to reminisce the details hidden in his mind, but the more he fought, the less he saw. As cars behind Loz started honking impatiently, signalling the lights had turned to green, Reno turned his head to see what the commotion was about. He was instantly stunned by the sharp eyes that were anchored onto his complexion. Loz could not hear what Reno was saying, but as their eyes merged, the redhead started frantically moving about, trying to get the car door to open whilst pointing through the window. It all happened in a flicker of a second, but it seemed like an eternity. Loz watched the redhead and started laughing at the sight of Reno fighting to get out, limbs tangling up like that of a disoriented octopus. And before Reno managed to get his seatbelt undone, Loz stepped on the pedal, and with his middle finger demonstrating his amusement of the situation, he sped off and hovered beyond sight.
Elena was still dumbfounded by Reno's display. What in the world was that nutcase up to?
"You really need to cut down on the coffee," she muttered and turned to the left at the crossing.
"What the hell!" Reno shouted, almost choking on his words. "D-did you see who that was?!"
"Who?" Elena shook her head and frowned with annoyance. "What are you talking about?"
"That son-of-a-bitch that just drove by!"
Reno seemed out of his mind, the corners of his mouth almost foaming with apprehension. Elena didn't say a word, for she knew a long monologue would be coming and would probably last until they returned to the ShinRa main office building by the time he was finished.
"It was Loz!"
"Loz?!"
"Loz!" Reno whined and raked his fingers through his red hair. "Yeah, Loz! I know it sounds crazy, but by the gods I SAW him! It was him! Who can forget that wolf-like face?"
"C'mon, Reno," Elena chuckled.
"Seriously," Reno went on frenetically. "It was he! I saw his face! I'm so sure! What the hell's he doing back? D'you suppose he's a clone or the real thing?" His nails found their way into his nervous mouth and his teeth began chipping the edges as he went on. "It can't be the real thing, can it? I mean… they did die, but the thing is, I know it was him. I'm sure. The white hair, the blue, feline eyes, the side burns… Oh yeah," he snorted and pursed in his ruthless attention to details. "Those sideburns are unique. No freaking other in this whole hillbilly town, or on this planet, has sideburns like that. I'm tellin' you… it's him." Suddenly, he almost catapulted out of his seat, head nearly smashing into the roof. "We got to warn the others! What if a new take-over is about to happen!"
"Take-over," Elena repeated, but paid mostly attention to the road rather than the rambling redhead seated next to her.
"Yeah! What if they are planning on completing what they failed the last time? What if someone has dug up Jenova and started doing some crazy experiments and maybe…"
By the time they pulled up to the driveway to the office building, Elena had had enough.
"Reno, listen," she began calmly but with a firm tone of voice. "You did NOT see Loz. Loz is dead, so are the rest of them and no one is doing crazy experiments. Professor Hojo is dead, ShinRa's father is dead, Sephiroth is dead, Jenova is dead… every one of them is DEAD. Now, get a grip on yourself."
"But…"
"But what, Reno?" Elena slammed the car door forcefully as she got out, then took a deep breath to calm herself and leaned against the hood as she spoke. "Look, you are constantly on about conspiracies and stuff… it seems like everyone is happy that things are calm, but you. It's almost like you wish for the trouble to return."
"No I don't," Reno made a half-hearted effort to defend himself, but the truth was, he was somewhat bored with life as it was now. He liked the fast lane, and now it was just simply dull. However, perhaps he was asking for a bit too much this time and thus, he gave it all up in a turn of a second. "Yeah, maybe I did see it wrong."
There he was again, drowning in his self-pity and confusion; nothing new under the sun. Although comforted by the return of Kadaj and the ending of the nightmares, there was something even more troubling about having the spawn so close. The emotions were intense and forbidden and they squeezed the breath out of Cloud. Whenever Kadaj was close, he felt like wanting to run and hide, and that is exactly what they were doing now. Not knowing what repercussion may follow the opening of the gates to bring the brothers back, Nanaki had decided it is best for all three of them to be kept separate, and thus, Cloud had taken refuge in a farmhouse far away from civilization. The lady of the establishment was an old customer of Vincent's who had been plagued by some engineerd carnivorous creatures feasting on her herd. Hence, Vincent had made sure that the old lady, as well as her neighbors, was freed from the remnants of the old bioengineering laboratory. Forever grateful, the old lady had agreed to host the two young men, whilst dangers receded.
Cloud and Kadaj were working side by side to shear the sheep. The old lady had eight rams on her farm apart from two Chocobo and a handful of chickens. In return she would make them dinner. Since all of them had been ordered by Nanaki to stay low, no one returning from the darkness broke their borders to central Midgar. In fact neither Kadaj, Loz, Yazoo or Zack knew of each other and only time would tell when the gatekeepers, Cloud, Vincent, Tseng and little Hunci could reveal them to the world. From the day of their return home, Cloud had been ordered by Nanaki to leave the outskirts of Midgar and move to a desolate little village situated between Junon and Fort Condor. Cloud had to abandon his house, not to speak to either friends or relatives, just move away with Kadaj. The others could not, for several reasons. Tseng had to maintain his position at the ShinRa syndicate in order to find out more about the sinister plans of Rufus, and Barrett couldn't tear Hunci from her friends and stable environment, whilst Vincent and Nanaki had to be near the core of all that was happening. Sephiroth was not reckless and knew how to stay low and he was also the most powerful one of them all. He could sense the presence of all the other spawns, yet he could shield his heart from them. Making himself invisible to the world.
Since Cloud had always been a man on the run, he didn't mind having a change of scenery. It made it easy to let go of Tifa and to sort out his tormenting thoughts. Still, it wasn't easy. Having Kadaj close by was unsettling. Weeks had passed by like a runaway train moves, days turned into night and dusk into dawn, and all of a sudden he had lost track of time.
"I thought you might want this," Kadaj voiced from behind and Cloud stopped for a moment.
The platinum man, hardly a year younger than Cloud, had fetched water as the heat from the sun had taken its toll. Cloud was drenched in sweat and it had been a hard day's work. Kadaj had only been gone for a few swift seconds, but Cloud couldn't appreciate time – so lost in his thoughts. The blond took the chipped beaker from Kadaj, swallowing the water with large gulps. It was heavenly.
"Thanks," he panted wiping his mouth and attended the sheep anew. Kadaj held the legs of the animal and kept it calm, whilst Cloud ran across the thick wool with the cutter. It took them only a few minutes and the animal was once again roaming inside the corral alongside the other stylish rams. At the sight of the others that have been guests at Kadaj's barbershop for Rams, Cloud released a recurring chuckle asking; "Was it really necessary giving those two a Mohawk?"
Kadaj shrugged and crossed his arms, leaning against the fence and taking pleasure in admiring his skills in shearing sheep. "Well, it looks better than your ridgeback," he commented with a beam.
"What're you talking about? Mine looks ferocious," Cloud gesticulating to enhance his description of how much alike a razorback his sheep really looked. Kadaj raised his eyebrows, tilting his head in contemplation, trying his very best to see the danger in a bleating sheep.
"Well, mine have some functionality to it," he claimed. "It's like a sweatband."
"A bandana?" Cloud chuckled and seconds later joined Kadaj sitting on the ground, spending time joking and talking mostly nonsense. The air was warm and the afternoon was arriving. The blond watched Kadaj's complexion whilst the platinum man poured up some more water from the earthenware jar he was given by the landlady. How fair, despite these past weeks in the sun. The white, slipover linen shirt on Kadaj's back added a little contrast to the skin, making him seem at least alive, although he was still fluorescently pale in comparison to Cloud. The brown woven cotton trousers fit loosely on his legs, but was held tightly on his waist by a strong leather belt which accentuated his slim statue. Kadaj was more sinewy than muscular, but nonetheless a fierce warrior. He was a force to be reckoned with when one desired challenge. His skills in mastering swords were undeniable and though his features appeared childish, his mind was dangerously mature.
"Do you always submerge yourself into such deep thoughts when it comes to me?" Kadaj asked seemingly out of the blue. "Do I really make you feel that uncomfortable? Still? After all this?"
Cloud lowered his gaze and started poking the dust beneath his feet with a small stick he had found next to himself. He didn't respond and thus, the platinum one went on.
"Why can't you just let go what's happened in the past?" Kadaj asked, leaning leisurely back against the fence, and emptying yet another beaker of water. Cloud nodded and smiled, but it wasn't genuine. What was he to reply to those questions; the truth.
"Because you wanted to take over the world and kill everyone else in it and I never really got to know you. You stepped out of nowhere and… like a whirlwind… swept over the land and destroyed everything in your wake."
Kadaj removed the beaker from his mouth, staring silently into the void, not even reacting to the sheep chewing and tugging on the collar of his shirt. After a while of silence, Kadaj leaned away from the animal and engaged in the conversation with Cloud.
"Did I?"
'How strange,' Cloud thought to himself. 'Why can't he remember how things were?' Suddenly, his thoughts drifted onto Greybone. He had followed Cloud's every footstep; how come Kadaj didn't remember things that were said in his presence as a cat? Weren't they one and the same? All those times Cloud had beaten him, rejected him, called him so many things and accused him of all the deeds that made life difficult. Why didn't Kadaj know about all this? Perhaps it was just a game. But even so, the slightest chance of this lack of memory, Cloud released a sigh of relief; perhaps Kadaj didn't remember all those illicit little moments either. Those that Cloud secretly still indulged in when the nights were cold and lonely. Should he dare bring up the subject, to see if those were just games played by his confused mind? No! It didn't matter, the less that was spoken of it the better. Answering Kadaj's previous question, Cloud placed a hand on the man's shoulder and said; "We've all been bad at times, Kadaj. You were just damn good at following your call… which was to destroy everything. Listen," he then stood up from the dusty ground and cleared off his trousers. "How about we take a ride? You won the speed race here, but it's time to put you into place."
"Ha!" Kadaj mocked in repsponse and faced Cloud with his deviant mischievousness, an alluring smile travelling across his lips. "You can always dream, Soldier-boy."
The bikes sped along the desert and whipped the sand into dust in their tracks leaving it far behind before it settled again. Cloud watched Kadaj from the corner of his eyes, he was sometimes slightly ahead and sometimes slightly behind Fenrir, but always too close for comfort.
"You're pretty good, you little shit," Cloud mumbled with a smile and increased his speed although Fenrir was almost at the limit of what it could produce. Up ahead, their goal, the twin rocks at the edge of the county border was quickly approaching. The race was taking on the serious quest for winning. The engines roared as the boys tortured the machines to claim their earned right as the winner. But in order for someone to win, one had to be the loser and thus, Cloud humbly accepted his defeat when Kadaj passed the goal just a fraction of a second before him. As befitted an exhilarated youth, Kadaj announced his victory through a demonstration of acrobatics, standing on the saddle and waving to the imaginary crowd. Cloud smiled, although his heart was veiled in sadness. He had decided to leave his platinum friend behind and return to his home. There was no special reason other than having to be free from his presence. Days and weeks together brought them close, but it was a closeness Cloud had to take distance from and see it from another perspective. He had spent several nights by the side of this fiend, watching the bare shoulders against the darkness outlined by a silver line as they were made of mercury. The edgy curves of the shoulders melted together with the back and narrowed to the hips, lines continuing and tantalisingly disappearing under the covers. Cloud had been lying awake for hours all those nights, wondering if it would be wise or not to get close enough to feel the heat of the night. He had not dared to. It entangled him in impossible emotions that he had to escape from. Each time Cloud closed his eyes he relived that wicked moment when Kadaj manifested under the covers to satisfy the blond using hands and lips. Cloud had never before felt such rapturous satisfaction. Through that delicious and contradictory mix of attributes Kadaj's indecorous but genuine nature, Cloud lost his hatred in the nights, wishing for the return of his nemesis. Once his wish was granted, however, he locked himself away from the gentle touches that left him boiling with lust, alone and confused. When Kadaj was far from reach, the blond would allow himself to dream, hidden away from the world. Now, however, he denied everything to himself and reduced Kadaj to nothing but shallow relations.
When the fiend drove up to Cloud's side he noticed the sadness radiating through the Soldier's complexion. He kept on smiling as he asked what could have stolen the cheerfulness they had previously been sharing. Cloud turned off the engine and kept on staring at the motif of the Buster sword on the fuel tank. He had discarded the weapon a long time ago, but he kept it in his memories by immortalizing it on Fenrir's surface.
"Listen, Kadaj," he began softly and tried formulating the words in his head before speaking them, but there was no better way of explaining other than being forward. "I have to leave you here. I'm gonna return home."
Kadaj leaned over the fuel tank of his own motorbike, trying to catch a glimpse of Cloud's evasive features. The blond went on with throat as dry as the desert around them.
"I have to get back. I need to see what's new and all…"
"Can't you call?" Kadaj interrupted to ask, knowing very well that this sudden eagerness to leave was Cloud's wish to escape something, rather than genuine need to familiarize with the situation in Edge and Midgar. Surely, no one had requested his presence without Kadaj. After all, the fiend was the very reason they had to leave. Whatever the reason for this sudden change, Kadaj didn't ask, knowing he would only suffer the indignity of dubious explanations and thus, he didn't press the blond any further. When Cloud made an attempt to smooth things over, the platinum man cut in, intervening the blond.
"Look, I'll stay behind," Kadaj suggested and when no reactions came he added inquisitively, "It's for the best, no?"
Cloud sighed, "Yeah… I think so."
Kadaj suddenly realised the race had only been an excuse for Cloud to go to the borders of the county, because the road from here would lead him home. With the words, 'I'll call you when it's time to come back,' Cloud started the engine and with Fenrir roaring through the dust, the flaxen man sped off and disappeared beyond the horizon. Kadaj remained standing between the twin rocks of the county border for hours and watched the sun gradually set before he returned to the landlady's modest home. The old lady with the furrowed, gentle face expected them both and had set the table for three people, but alas, she would dine with only one guest. When Kadaj stepped into the kitchen, the fragrance of the soup steaming out of the plates tingled his taste buds. The freshly baked bread on the table was accompanied by pot roast, garnished with potatoes and vegetables. It was all served in a very humble fashion on a wooden plate, but the mere sight was mouthwatering.
"Where's your friend, my boy?" the lady asked whilst placing a bowl of salad on the table to go with the meal. She wiped her hands on her apron and sighed as Kadaj shook his head in a silent answer. "Well," she continued, "we'd better start eating before the food gets cold."
Kadaj acknowledged the invitation to this modest feast with a bow and went to the bathroom to wash up before supper. On his return he was offered a seat and the two began eating. The only sounds were the clattering of the cutlery as the food was consumed under silence. When the table was cleared and coffee and fruit pie replaced the savory dishes, Kadaj began speaking.
"I didn't think he'd be so uptight," he muttered into his cup of steaming, black coffee.
The lady lifted her head; her grey hair was neatly arranged in a bun in the curve of her neck and secured with an old fashioned net.
"Uptight about what?" she asked and took a bite out of the pie she had previously baked.
Kadaj pointed at his chest wordlessly and then supported himself on his elbows, leaning over the cup and saucer whilst staring into the black liquid beneath his face. He was rather pensive and confused, than sad.
"Have you two been friends a long time?" the lady went on and offered the silver boy some more pie. When he kindly declined, she pressed him a little with the promise that desserts made the world always seem a little brighter. Kadaj accepted with a gentle smile and began contemplating to the rhythm of his jaws chewing.
"Actually," he began, "I couldn't tell you even if you held a gun to my head. We've shared a troubled past, that much I know, but for how long and what's been there is just erased. I can't see it. Sometimes, things return like flash-backs… but… I don't know… if those are real or a figment of my imagination." Kadaj played with some morsels on the table and tried to focus, but no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't remember when he met with Cloud for the first time. He had no idea what life before all this was like, and when it had all taken place. He lacked a time frame and reference points. Had he grown older since then, wiser or was he just the same? "I really don't know," he continued, "but I believe it's been pretty tough times. I know what he's told me, but I don't recognize myself in the skin he's shown me."
"Not worth thinking about then," the lady cut in. "I've had plenty of hard times with my old man, but what's worth having if it comes too easy? When you struggle to get something, you appreciate it more, no?"
Kadaj smiled with a questioning complexion; "Is it always like that?"
The lady started laughing and placed her worn hands on his, enclosing them with sincerity as she spoke. "No, it's not," she admitted humorously, "I'm just trying to make it seem good."
They continued drinking coffee and continued on with the discussion.
"Well, if you two have been fighting so much, why are you bothered about the troubles you have now?"
"Good question, but somehow it does. I want it resolved," Kadaj pointed out, "For the sake of us both… as friends or as enemies."
"Well, there you go," she said and finished her cup of coffee. The lady wiped her mouth with a napkin, and stood up to clear the table adding; "That's your answer then."
At that instant, the solution hit Kadaj like a bolt of lightlning. He had been answering his own questions the whole time; when it came to Cloud. There was no other way to seek the answers but to be blunt, obtrusive and persistent. When asked to help out, Kadaj got up from his seat and caught up with the old lady near the sink. They continued the discussion over the steaming, soapy water, and she went on lecturing him about life in general, whilst doing the dishes.
"You're right, ma'm." Kadaj said, "I will return to him regardless of how he receives me. I need him to answer some things about my past."
"You know, my boy, I never settled down with a man for I'm the nuttiest person one would ever consider living together with…"
"Oh? But I thought you'd been married," Kadaj cut in, feeling a bit awkward when the lady questioned where he got that idea. "When you talked about your old man and in past tense, I figured…"
"Well, you figured wrong," she corrected him. "Good ol' Mark lives a few houses from here and he's been begging me to marry him for the past forty-eight years. But I need my own privacy," she stressed, "I can't abide having someone breathing down my neck the whole time… and caring for another is not the purpose of my life. When we feel like it, we meet, when we need help, support or companionship, we meet, but the rest of the time we live our own lives separately."
"Fair enough," the young man concurred.
"It is," the lady stated as a matter of fact and handed a plate over to him to dry, "but since you jumped to conclusions and got this wrong… perhaps you got it wrong when it comes to your friend too."
Kadaj cocked his head, asking for clarification whilst wiping the plates with a kitchen towel and placing them in the cupboard.
"I don't pretend to be an amateur psychologist, but maybe Cloud isn't troubled about things that directly concern you… but rather himself. If worse comes to worst, he turns out to be a coward. Many men are when it concerns the heart, my dear."
Kadaj lowered his gaze, twisting the towel in his hands like a troubled child.
"Listen," the lady went on and placed a hand on the man's pale cheeks, "give him some time and then go look him up. Whatever it is, coward or not, it can be helped. Meanwhile, you can help me out in reinforcing the enclosure for the rams tomorrow morning."
With those last words the old lady retired for the evening and left Kadaj to his thoughts. The future would bring about the answers to the platinum man's questions. All he needed was a little bit of patience. He would give Cloud a few days to gather his composure and seek calmness, and after that, Kadaj was in his right to claim the presence of the man who pulled him back from hell.