Elsa didn't know how long she was curled on the floor of Ahtohallen. Had it been hours? Days? She curled her hands to her chest; she had stopped crying hours ago but didn't want to move.
If there's one thing she'd learned over the years, crying never helped with anything. But she couldn't harness the strength she needed to pull herself from the floor.
For the life of her, all she wanted to do was cry. It felt like a piece of her was ripped away; the stitches unraveling with every movement, fraying at the ends and unable to mend themselves.
It was the overwhelming sadness that consumed her when Anna froze solid in front of her. She said she would never relive that pain, but here it was, ebbing and tearing at her chest.
This time, there was no happy ending. Just overwhelming grief.
If Anna would see her like this, what would she say? She felt ashamed and weak for allowing herself to succumb to the self-pity she felt.
Pushing herself up, she clutched her ribs and stumbled down the hall to the room of ice sculptures. When she got there, her eyes started to brim with fresh tears.
Many of her newer memories involved Keahi. She stumbled to the closest one.
Keahi was holding out her hand. It was the night that Anna threw the party for Crow and his crew.
The night Keahi asked her to dance for the first time. She had hated dancing. Ever since that night, she actually enjoyed dancing. But only with Keahi.
She took the statue's outstretched hand, using her other to caress its cold cheek. Keahi's wolfish smirk showed through, even sculpted in ice.
She pressed her forehead to the sculpture.
But instead of the languid warmth she felt with Keahi, it was nothing but bitter cold. Nothing in her warmed. It was just a quiver of ice and hollowness.
That's when her sadness turned sour, biting at her chest in bitter rage. It came so hot and swift she couldn't control it. It bubbled and spilled over as she destroyed every single memory in the chamber.
The statues exploded with icy vengeance, mist and shards of ice detonated within the room until she collapsed in its center. Breathing heavy, exhausted emotionally and physically. She let out a wail, letting it carry over the halls and shores like a ghostly sigh.
Whatever raw anger that lived there fizzled and burnt out like the wick of a fast-burning candle. She ventured too close to the fire, and she got burned. Maybe fire and ice truly didn't mix. Maybe they were just left to sizzle each other out like a flashpoint in a heated fire.
It left her with nothing more than a hollow pit of desire and sadness. It was like a black hole, swallowing her and leaving nothing in its wake.
The wound on her rib was the only thing that kept her grounded, it's throbbing reminded her she needed to get back to the Enchanted Forest, back to the Northuldra, to be sure they were all right and the forest didn't burn to the ground in her absence.
That was her next right thing. The only thing moving her forward.
She just wanted to see Anna, to take strength in Anna's righteousness and hope. To cry into her sister's arm and mourn the loss of something that she had only just started to understand.
Staggering out of Ahtohallen, Nokk was waiting for her at the water's edge. Throwing his head back and stomping his hoove into the ground, he let out a low whinny. As she limped over to the water spirit, Bruni traveled up her leg and rested, bruised and sad, on her shoulder as he let out a sad chirp and nuzzled his head against her neck.
The ride across the dark sea was placid, the waters calm under the gray sky. Some clouds parted and dappled sunlight broke through. She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand, hissing out a sharp breath with every movement of Nokk as her ribs screamed in agony.
Along the black pebbled shore, Yelana, Honeymaren, and Ryder stood as they peered into the ocean. When they spotted her, they started to wave frantically. Honeymaren jumped up and down as she shouted to her.
Elsa was too tired to be thankful to see them, too tired to wave back, too tired to acknowledge the aching in her chest. But she put on a brave face and shouldered it, slapping a tired smile onto her lips when she got to them.
The minute she slid off Nokk, her world faded as the shock and pain took her as she drifted into unconsciousness.
Elsa's eyes fluttered open to peer up at the triangle roof of the teepee. She drank in a deep breath of the tepid air, the tender smell of smoked meat floating in from outside.
She didn't need to question where she was. She was with the Northuldra, back in the safety of the Enchanted Forest. If they were set up and cooking, they must be okay.
She sighed out; she didn't realize she was holding it. When she did, her breath stuttered, and she pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop the flood of emotion coming back to her in grieving waves.
The flap to the teepee opened, sending with it a ray of light before a body obscured it.
"Elsa, thank goodness you're awake." Honeymaren's silky voice illuminated the room.
Elsa didn't stir from her spot, sucking in another deep breath to reel in her sporadic emotions. Once she was sure she had control over them, she sat up.
The thick hide blanket fell away, her eyes tiredly glancing down at her body. They wrapped her chest and ribs in gauze, a crimson stain where her wound was as the bandage bled through. Thin cotton shorts covered her lower portion, her legs bruised and beaten from the events of Ahtohallen.
A piercing headache started behind her eyes and she held her head in her hands. "How long was I asleep?" Her voice gravel and dry.
Honeymaren came to sit beside Elsa, a hand on her shoulder as she offered a cup of water. "Three days."
She pulled her hands from her face, staring down at her open palms. Three days? It felt like that long, according to the ache in her lower back.
"Should I send word to Anna…?" Honeymaren gently asked.
"No!" Elsa's voice rang out sharp, and she recoiled and looked away. "No, I'm sorry. Anna will just drop everything and come running even if I ask her not to."
Anna's heart was always ready for Elsa's call. And while she loved that about Anna, it wasn't fair to her sister. So this once, she needed to deal with this, for the time being, on her own. Even thinking about Anna brought a tired smile to her lips. She was fierce, optimistic, and feisty.
Elsa envied that. Even as Honeymaren rested a comforting hand on her shoulder, she wanted nothing but to wallow in her emotions alone.
She didn't want to burden anyone with them. Especially Anna. She had already messed up Anna's life alone for one lifetime. She couldn't send for her when Anna warned her of the danger all this posed.
What was it with Elsa and the need for that harrowing adventure? Was it the adrenaline that made her feel alive? Or maybe the pain?
Or maybe she was the cursed one. "Do you think, maybe I'm just cursed? That I make everyone around me miserable or hurt?" She whispered. She knew she was venturing into self-pitying territory but she needed to work through it by speaking it into the world.
"Of course not, why would you ever think that?" Honeymaren gave her a flabbergasted look.
Elsa just shook her head, brushing it off, switching subjects. "I'm sorry for the trouble I caused everyone. I knew they were cursed, but I thought Crow wanted to break it, not fuel it." She refused to say Keahi's name out loud. If she did, it was just solidifying the fact that she was gone. "Where's Yelana?"
"Just outside. Are you sure you're okay?" Honeymarens hand rubbed Elsa's back soothingly.
She just gave a sad smile, "I will be, thank you, Honeymaren." Elsa pushed herself to stand, struggling past the stabbing pain that throbbed in her side.
Her mental state was too far gone to worry about what exactly she was wearing when she exited the teepee.
The brisk air didn't cause her to flinch when she looked over the Northuldra rebuilding their campsite.
The morning light strained through a light mist that settled on the campground. From the lush green moss that covered nearly every inch of the area, they must have settled in the northern moss beds.
Bruni let out a chirp and scrambled from the fire and climbed up her leg to her shoulder, where he nuzzled his head against her jaw. "Thank goodness you're okay." Elsa sighed in relief, holding her hand out in front of her as Bruni gave a belly-flopped jump from her shoulder to her hand. She pet him delicately with her thumb while he purred and rolled over on his back like a little scaly dog.
"I see your finally awake." The rigid voice of Yelana rang out and Elsa raised her eyes gradually to the elder.
She'd caused her a lot of trouble. "I'm sorry Yelana," she started quietly, her voice meek, tinged with the lingering sadness. "I didn't know Crow was after power like that."
Yelana watched her curiously, her square chin raised and shoulders erect. "You brought cursed magic into the forest." She told, pointedly.
Elsa swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I know."
"What of the girl with you?" Yelanas voice was gentler, more so than she ever heard it before.
Elsa grit her teeth as a muscle worked in her jaw. "She's gone. She destroyed the curse and in return," she cleared her throat. "It killed her."
Yelana regarded her for a long moment, hand gripping around her staff. To her surprise, the stiff and stoic Northuldra elder put a hand to Elsa's shoulder. "That is a shame. I sensed a youthful righteousness in her. Her curse was not like her brothers. In which," she motioned to the grove that the moss hills overlooked.
The trees were charred, skeletal remains of the black fire that consumed them. "We need to bless the forest, ask forgiveness from the elements, and pay tribute," Yelana added, giving Elsa's arm one final tap. "I'm glad to see you are all right, Elsa. The forest wouldn't be the same without you."
Elsa could only nod her head numbly, gazing out into the vast forest Crow's dark fire burned. She could feel the negative energy vibrating in the air, sticking to everything within the forest with unbridled rage.
Elsa looked to Bruni, "The new winter moon is in a few days, I'm assuming that's when Yelana will perform the ceremony. Do you think we can forgive ourselves by then?" She asked the little salamander.
He tilted his head and cocked an eye at her. Elsa let out a breathy laugh. "You're right. Can I forgive myself by then? You did nothing wrong."
Bruni coiled in her hand, steam rolling off him as he fired up momentarily.
"Ouch, ouch," she hissed, moving him back and forth from one hand to another until he cooled off again. "Yes, I know. We all make mistakes but..." If only her mother could see her now, talking to an elemental fire salamander in the Enchanted Forest. She glanced up once more as Gale frited her way across the campsite and coiled around her. "... Keahi wasn't a mistake." She whispered.