Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.
A/N: Shout out to fishtrek, lolyncut, Kelsie, criminalmindsrocks, OneTrueAkatsuki, msladyaries08 for reviewing chapter 28.
Speaking of how old the kids are getting, within the next couple of chapters Spencer and Clarissa will both turn 29 (Which will make Hotch feel old since the 10th anniversary of the day they met takes place between Spencer's and Clarissa's birthdays) while Ariel and Caden both turn a year old.
Kelsie: Diana has her father's brown curly hair and her mother's and uncle Sean's blue eyes. Bridget has her mother's and uncle Aaron's hair color and her father's curls and eyes. Evan looks just like his father. Ariel has her late grandma Diana's blonde curly hair and her father's brown eyes, and Caden has his mother's and uncle Aaron's hair color, his mother's and uncle Sean's eyes, and his father's curls.
This chapter starts on September 4th of 2010. The case in The Darkest Hour and The Longest Night has already happened between chapter 28 and this chapter.
You guys get to see a playful Spencer in this chapter before while you guys learn how Spencer got his shorter hair before the episode JJ in this chapter.
Diana, Bridget, and Evan are wearing helmets during the horseback riding scene (The ending of the episode Dusty inspired me) at the beginning of this chapter while cute twins are swearing.
Spencer was riding a horse with his arms wrapped around Bridget, Clarissa was riding a horse with her arms wrapped around Evan, while Diana rode a horse on her own when Diana looked at her father, "I enjoy horseback riding, daddy," said Diana.
Spencer smiled, "I once thought about being a cowboy who owned a ranch middle of nowhere before I decided to join the F.B.I."
"Really?" asked Diana.
Spencer nodded, "There was something nice about horseback riding outside of Las Vegas as a kid and I always promised myself that I would teach my future children how to ride a horse."
Clarissa looked at her husband, "When we both retire from our jobs, we'll find a ranch to buy so you can fulfill your dream."
Spencer smiled, "Thank you."
Diana instantly saw a log causing her to get her horse Annabelle to start running before her horse jumped over the log and landed successfully and safely.
Spencer looked at his smiling wife, "Even though Diana is a figure skater because of you, she's going to be one heck of a horseback rider."
Clarissa beamed at her husband, "She got your equestrian skills from you."
"Should we ask Diana if she wants to compete? She can probably end up competing in the equestrian segment of the 2020 Summer Olympics when she's 16," said Spencer.
"Let's wait and see because I hope that Diana ends up in the 2022 Winter Olympics," said Clarissa.
Two days later Spencer was sitting on the grass with Evan as they played with Evan's trucks when Spencer felt a 55-pound girl tackle him causing him to land on his side while his bad knee didn't hit the ground.
"What was that for, Diana?" asked Spencer.
Diana laughed, "I just wanted to make Labor Day fun for us since I don't have school and its a mandatory day off for you since you're not on a case."
"I hope you know that as an M.I.T. graduate, I have to get back at you," said Spencer as he and Diana started to playfully wrestle each other while Evan joined in.
After spending 10 minutes watching her husband, oldest daughter, and oldest son rolling around in the grass, a laughing Clarissa decided to spray her husband, Diana, and Evan with the hose for a minute.
After the hose was turned off, a soaking wet Spencer smirked at his wife who was wearing denim capris, a short-sleeved pink blouse, and pink converse sneakers, "You know that I'm going to retaliate, right?" asked Spencer.
Clarissa smirked as she took off running, "Then catch me if you want to retaliate, Spence."
Spencer looked at his oldest daughter who was soaking wet, "How should I retaliate?" asked Spencer.
A soaking wet Diana thought about the swimming pool still being filled, "Since mom sprayed us with the hose, you should throw her in the pool."
Spencer smirked as he thought about the times Clarissa would pull him into the pool while he's fully clothed or the times he'll toss his wife into the pool, "I'm going to unlock the gate, so please keep Evan away from the pool."
Diana gave her father a salute, "Yes, sir."
After unlocking the gate that kept their kids away from their outdoor swimming pool when it's not in use and made sure that his pockets were empty to be safe, Spencer spent the next minute chasing his wife until he was able to scoop her up and threw her over his shoulder.
"SPENCE!" squealed Clarissa.
20 seconds later Spencer was tossing Clarissa into their in-ground swimming pool before he jumped in right after his wife so his wife couldn't try to yank him in.
As soon as they resurfaced, Diana and Evan were laughing.
"Mommy and daddy are silly," said Evan.
"Yes we are, little man," said Clarissa.
Diana quickly decided to a cannonball into the pool causing her parents and little brother to be splashed. As soon as she resurfaced, she started to effortlessly swim around in her overall shorts and t-shirt thanks to the swimming lessons she has fully clothed just in case she falls into a pool and is wearing various layers of clothing.
Spencer looked at his oldest son, "Do you want to join mommy and me in the water?" asked Spencer.
"Swimming lesson?" asked Evan.
"Yes," said Clarissa.
"I jump in pool too," said Evan.
"Then jump into the pool. As soon as you resurface roll onto your back," said Clarissa.
"Yes, mommy," said Evan.
A few seconds later Evan was jumping into the pool and as soon as he got himself to resurface he rolled onto his back and floated.
"Good job, tadpole," said Spencer.
A few seconds later Clarissa was helping Evan with his swimming lessons while Spencer played water basketball with Diana.
After swimming for 20-minutes, a wide-eyed Clarissa who had Evan in her arms as they got out of the pool looked at her husband who was wrapping Diana with one of the towels that Lucy brought out when she saw Diana and Evan jump in the pool, "Uh, Spence, there's gum in your hair right now."
Spencer felt around and his eyes went wide when he felt a wet and sticky glob all over the back of his head, "How did gum end up in my hair?" asked Spencer.
Diana paled, "I forgot to throw away the gum I was chewing before I tackled you. I'm so sorry, daddy."
"Accidents happen, but before the next time you start roughhousing you need to spit out your gum,"
"And it's dangerous to swallow gum," said Diana.
Clarissa looked at her husband who had removed his polo shirt, "We might as well all clean up before we try to get that gum out of your hair."
An hour later, Clarissa was grabbing her husband's electric razor as she started to shave or cut certain parts of her husband's hair.
Later on that evening, Spencer was looking at his much shorter hair with the bathroom mirror when Spencer looked at his wife, "With how short my hair is now, I look like your brother."
"At least you're able to manage the sexy just rolled out of bed look with short hair, so I better make sure to keep single women away from you," said Clarissa.
"I just wish that Diana didn't choose to punish herself by choosing to go bed right after dinner and refused to read with me," said Spencer sadly.
"She feels guilty about your hair having to get cut shorter," said Clarissa.
"Before finding out that I had gum in my hair, I was thinking about getting my hair chopped short for a while because of our nine-month-old twins being at the stage where they love to pull hair," said Spencer.
"Then tell Diana that you were already going to have me cut your hair this short during breakfast tomorrow," said Clarissa.
"I will," said Spencer.
Clarissa smirked at her husband, "I have a surprise underneath my clothes that can help me show you how much I love your new haircut."
A minute later Spencer and Clarissa were making sure that their bedroom door was locked before they started a heated make-out session.
The next morning at breakfast, a guilty Diana who was in her school uniform looked at her father, "I'm still sorry about the gum, daddy."
"It's OK, bumblebee. It was an accident and because of Ariel and Caden pulling my hair so much the past few weeks, I was already planning on having your mother cut my hair this short after you and your siblings were in bed. So please stop punishing yourself over yesterday's gum incident," said Spencer.
"I will, daddy," said Diana as she looked at her mother, "I'm glad that you were able to give daddy a haircut that looks great on him."
"This haircut shows off how much you filled out since you injured your knee," said Grandma Lydia.
"Think that I should quit my job and become a beautician?" asked Clarissa.
Diana shook her head, "Even though you do a great job cutting our hair, I want you to continue being a nurse since you do a great job taking care of everyone when they're sick or injured."
"Then I'll continue working as a nurse," said Clarissa.
Spencer took a sip of his orange juice as he looked at his oldest son who had pancake syrup smeared all over his face, "Can you please drink your milk and eat your yogurt for me?" asked Spencer.
Evan shook his head, "Daddy drink no milk and eat no yogurt. I drink no milk and eat no yogurt."
"Daddy gets sick when he drinks too much milk and eats too much cheese, ice cream, and yogurt," said Spencer.
"You need to drink milk so your bones can keep on growing strong," said Clarissa.
"Daddy drink milk and eat yogurt so I drink milk," said Evan.
Spencer sighed as he got up from his spot at the breakfast nook and poured himself a cup of milk and started to drink it while he ate a container of vanilla yogurt, "Will you drink milk and eat your yogurt for mommy and me now?" asked Spencer.
"Yes," said Evan as he drank milk from his sippy cup before he fed himself a spoonful of yogurt.
Spencer shook his head, "Thank goodness for antacids and Tums."
Clarissa looked at her husband and whispered, "Eventually Evan will learn about your lactose intolerance."
"I know, but it doesn't hurt to show a good example for Evan," whispered Spencer.
At that moment Caden's bottle dropped onto the floor causing him to look at his parents, "Fuck."
"Caden said a bad word," said Bridget.
"Fuck," said Ariel.
Spencer looked at Clarissa, "Nine-months-old is a new record for the worst swear words that the kids have said."
"And they definitely will have a high IQ too," said Clarissa.
20 minutes later Spencer was getting into Hotch's SUV after Jack left for school with his Aunt Clarissa and his cousins Diana and Bridget when Hotch looked at his brother-in-law, "I haven't seen your hair this short since the day you married my sister," said Hotch.
"What happened that caused the natural curls that you passed down to Diana, Bridget, Evan, Ariel, and Caden be chopped off?" asked Emily.
Spencer looked at his teammates, "Always make sure that your child spits out their gum before she even thinks about tackling you before you end up rolling around in the grass outside and your spouse sprays you with the hose. Who knew that being sprayed by the hose and ending up in the pool right after throwing Clarissa in the pool as retaliation would not let peanut butter and other remedies that both Clarissa, Lucy, and my grandma tried work."
"Good advice," said Emily.
"Besides, I was already planning on asking Clarissa to cut my hair since I was getting tired of Ariel and Caden pulling my hair," said Spencer.
"At least you don't have that boy band look anymore," said Hotch.
After briefing about Kate Joyce on the jet, Hotch looked at his brother-in-law who looked a bit green, "Are you OK?" asked Hotch.
"Evan forced me to drink milk and eat yogurt during breakfast so he'll drink his milk for Clarissa and me," said Spencer.
"Which caused Reid to take my Tums off my desk," said Emily
Hotch thought about learning about Spencer's lactose intolerance on the day they met when Spencer mentioned that he shouldn't get a scoop of vanilla ice cream on his pie for dessert, "Even though you love dairy, your lactose intolerance doesn't let you handle dairy well."
"Exactly, but eventually Evan, Ariel, and Caden will understand that I have to eat and drink dairy-free products so I don't get sick," said Spencer.
As they were flying home from Maryland while being happy that Kate Joyce is alive, Spencer started to think back to when he first met Clarissa causing him to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" asked Hotch.
"When it comes to 19-year-olds, I was just thinking about back to when Clarissa who was 15 days away from turning 19 approached a 19-year-old me and insisted that I join you and her for lunch right after she learned that I just became an orphan a second time," said Spencer.
"As I said before, I'm just glad that it was you that my sister married," said Hotch.
"I'm glad that Clarissa approached me the day she met me," said Spencer.
"Are you excited about the 10th anniversary of the day you met my sister happening in less than two months?" asked Hotch.
"Yes, but it's going to be hard to deal with the 10th anniversary of the day my Aunt Ethel and uncle Gordon," said Spencer.
"But at least November 28th became one of the best days of your life since Ariel and Caden were born that day too," said Hotch.
Spencer sighed, "Please don't remind me that Ariel is going to be turning one that day."
Over three hours later, Spencer entered the kitchen to find Clarissa fixing Ariel a bottle, "What are you two doing up?" asked Spencer.
"Ariel wanted milk," said Clarissa.
Ariel grinned when she saw her father, "Dada!"
Spencer eagerly took his youngest daughter from his wife, "Daddy's home, princess," said Spencer before shaking his head when he saw his mail on the table and saw various addresses from universities and alphabet agencies causing him to make a mental note about warning Hotch, Chief Strauss, and John about those job offers, "When will everyone learn that I'm not interested in working for them."
"You're a genius with an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute, so you would be everyone's dream employee," said Clarissa.
"I just hope that I'm not forced to work for another agency just like JJ was today," said Spencer to himself.
"JJ was forced to transfer?" asked a shocked Clarissa.
"She was forced to transfer to the State Department and its above Hotch's and Strauss's pay grades," said Spencer.
"That sucks, but maybe she'll get more time with Henry and Maggie," said Clarissa.
"I hope so too," said Spencer before blowing a raspberry on Ariel's cheek.
After Ariel had her bottle and her daddy sang and rocked her back to sleep, Spencer entered his and Clarissa's bedroom to find his wife lying naked on their bed with chocolate syrup in various places causing him to lock the bedroom door and walked to his wife.