Chapter Twenty Nine

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel alone again and that's okay. The girls have asked me how their dad is doing and told me all about their Thanksgiving with Kuu and Julie and I'm glad that they are so happy but when I think about Kuon, it makes me feel nervous and scared. He's isolating himself again and I've lived with him doing that when things get really bad but he's not supposed to be isolating himself right now. He needs help and comfort and people around him who only want to see him recover.

I thought that I was the biggest supporter that he had. As I look at the television I smile as I see that a movie from a couple of years is on. It's one of those action movies and Kuon actually was the part of the villain. He was sick and twisted and psychopathic and everyone loved it. This was what really managed to secure his foothold in American acting.

I look at all of the medical equipment and pills and other things that he has to have now but it doesn't bother me. I still see him as the same person. Kuon had a successful run as an actor and whether he's in permanent or temporary retirement, he is still him and I'm not looking for any kind of medal or acknowledgment. I just want to be with him and share the bed with him and not feel the loneliness of him not being here with me.

I don't know what happened today but maybe he's starting to move onto one of the other stages of grief, they did tell me it was possible and he had been doing so well that he would be sure to have some emotional problems, especially this second time. So, the five stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

I don't even know where to start. The Kuon that I saw today was more upset than angry and I'm not sure how to measure his denial when he's having trouble speaking. I hate that he feels he has to overcome it and do it so quickly. I just want him to be safe even if it's a slower recovery process. I grab onto the sheep, the older one that I bought him when we were acting together in Dark Moon and I hug tightly to it. I only want to be with him and the girls. Nothing else matters. I want my loved ones to be with me again.

"Kuon, tell me what I can do to help you. Don't shut me out again." I whisper as I turn to the sheep acting as if it has the answers. The love I have for Kuon is like a light inside me but sometimes I still feel like that small inexperienced girl who is only guessing at what to do in a relationship. I wish that you would guide me, Kuon.

….

…..

I finish zipping up my dress that I will be wearing today, it's a cute outfit that Father and Julie got for me, when I hear a loud crash in the bathroom. I pause as I hear multiple things fall down and then that very attractive voice. "Damn it" he curses and I look up. Did something happen? "Sweetheart?" I ask him as I come over to him. "Are you okay?" I open the door and see him standing with his hands flat on the counter leaning over his sink. I come over to him and put my hand on his upper arm. "Kuon?"

"Am I ready for this?" he asks me and it takes me a moment to really think about what he might be asking me. Okay. Today. Today is the first time he's going to be working with someone who is called one of the best directors in Hollywood. This is the first day he'll be shooting in front of him. He's not really worried about that is he.

"Kuon, you are the most amazing actor that I know. You are more ready than anyone else for this role. Just be yourself and everyone will be impressed. You've always impressed me," I smile to him. He laughs and pulls me close, wrapping me tightly in his arms as we stand in front of the mirror. He kisses the top of my head.

"I always perform better knowing my princess supports me," he jokes but he's still judging himself.

"Kuon, you've acted for years and Japan still considers you one of the best celebrities that got their careers started in Japan. You're going to be amazing. I know it," I tell him and he looks down before taking a slow breath.

"Even my dad hasn't worked with him before," Kuon admits and I turn to him so I can look into those gorgeous and inescapable emerald eyes.

"Then you'll be the first Hizuri to have acted for him. I know you'll be amazing," I grin to him and he kisses my forehead again before we hear the wailing of a baby. "I'll go check on her. You just remember that you are my favorite actor and I will always be excited to see your work. You'll be your amazing self. Just, be…Kuon. Kuon has achieved this and you should know that everyone thinks you deserve this."

…

…

"It's a shame, really." I hear a woman's voice as I wake up and feel someone tugging at me. I cling to the blankets wondering what the hell is going on and I blink up at a doctor who I wasn't assigned to. That's fine. The doctors are so busy at this hospital because of its high ratings, that everyone is well-trained and sometimes cover for one another. I've never met this woman before and I realize now that I've probably wet myself and look disgusting and that there are numerous other judgements you could make.

I look at her as she gives up on moving me from the bed. I open my mouth to ask her what she's talking about but she presses her hand upon the mask and holds it down so I can't take it off.

"I mean, did you know that one out of every ten couples stays married when there has been a traumatic brain injury," she tells me and I pause. I can understand that. I don't know why Kyoko would want to continue to be married to me other than the feeling that she needs to do her duty as someone who promised to be my wife. "I mean, you probably spent a lot of time out on dates with your wife, romantic restaurants, dancing, doing things that she enjoyed and you won't get to do those things with her. I bet for you, she was excited whenever she saw your name on the opening credits but you can't work at least for a while, it would be someone else's name, now."

I nod as I feel scared about that. Someone else is going to be working the roles which I was offered and excited to accept, even ideas that are being workshopped right now won't have parts that I'll be ready to play. It will take me years before I can even think of restarting my acting career. As for being out in public, we know how that turned out the last time.

Still, maybe there are -

"Your wife fell in love with you because you are smart as well as sexy. You're a brave soul, Mr. Hizuri, but without having the abilities that you once did you aren't able to act on that bravery. Without your words you won't be able to express even your thoughts. You have as much use as a potat-"

"What the hell!?" I hear Kyoko at the doorway but I don't want to pay her attention. Maybe these things shouldn't have been said but finally someone is being honest with me. I don't have the ability to act brave or even voice my opinions. I have a back seat in my life and being married to Kyoko is selfish. I know that she doesn't want to hurt me so she won't suggest our getting divorced but maybe I can make her see that it might be in her best interests. "Are you really a doctor or are -"

I reach out and grab Kyoko's wrist, she tries to pull it away to take my hand and squeeze it. I know in her mind she thinks I'm asking for her support but I just need to wait and listen and stop what she's doing.

"I'm only telling him the truth," the doctor tells her and Kyoko stares at her suspiciously. It's true though. She's a doctor, she knows more than we both do. "Most marriages end as soon as the injured party gets hurt. The people who tend to stay married the longest are those that are only doing this out of obligation for a lost love."

"Lost love?" Kyoko laughs back at her and I'm feeling extremely nervous about what her action could be. She turns to look back at me before nodding. "You very obviously know very little about my husband and I. Our relationship is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Kuon is hurt right now but that doesn't change a thing." She turns to me and sees the way I'm looking at her. I'm confused. I could believe that she's doing this out of obligation after all I am so different from the person she married.

"Sweetheart," she whispers as she comes over to me, she holds my hand in hers and crouches down so that we're at eye level. "Please believe me. Maybe when I first was getting to know Ren Tsuruga, things were done because I wanted to get praised and acknowledged but we've spent so many years together. I love you." She turns to glare back at the doctor. I don't know how to feel. She seems honest but I've got a lot of problems, is she forgetting that? Is she forgetting how much I need to be taken care of? Even if she doesn't understand her true feelings right now that doesn't mean that she won't wake up tomorrow and realize what has happened.

"You married a man who had a bright career in front of him, who was very capable physically, who didn't have scars on his face, who didn't have any proble-" the doctor is harsh but at least they are correct. Saying these things is going to make her face the truth. I look at her and realize that that dark energy she hasn't had for a long time is pretty much taking over the whole room. She kisses me quickly before standing up and walking over to the doctor.

"Get the hell out," she whispers in a dark manner. "My husband still has an amazing life waiting for him. He might have disabilities right now but isn't it a doctor's job to help people like Kuon feel better. He's trying to recover, maybe he's not as physically able as before but that's why I'm here. Yes, maybe he has scars and injuries but we've both been told that when he recovers from other injuries he can have plastic surgery if he wants. The only problem that he seems to have is you so get the hell away from him. I'm not going to let anyone hurt him even someone in the medical field. I love my husband. I want to do whatever I need to do to help my husband and I want to do that not out of self-satisfaction but because I love him."

Kyoko manages to get the doctor to leave before turning back to me. I don't know how to feel. Before I would have thought that she did all of this out of love but could she still love me enough to do this?

End of Chapter Twenty Nine

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Thank you to Kaname671 for reviewing Chapter Twenty Eight