Isabella

A few months later:

I raised my fist to knock on the door. I had only been outside for a few seconds but I'm pretty sure I already had frostbite. It was snowing… on Christmas day… which was a first for Forks. We always got the rainy snowy slush but this was a real snow fall- the kind I had always wished for. I leaned against Emmett, using him for support. My stomach was in knots. I was going to see Edward. He came home three days ago and has already called several times but I was too much of a chicken to pick up the phone.

He probably thought that I was avoiding him- which I kinda was. He thinks I'm a freak. That's why he's been avoiding me. He probably called to tell me to leave him alone. That he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

A moment later Esme opens the door. "Come in, come in! It's too cold to be outside!"

Emmett has to literally push me through the door. I stand to the side as she greets Charlie and Sue. I can hear laughter coming from down the hall and the smell of chicken.

"Oh Bella, you look so pretty in that dress!" Esme gushes over me. She wraps her arms tightly around my body and I allow myself to relax in her arms.

I wasn't close with Sue like this. Yes, she was a fine woman and I'm glad she made Charlie happy but I barely knew her. I know she was disappointed every time Esme hugged me and when I went to her for support. She wanted to be that mother figure for me. She wanted me to trust her.

But I wasn't ready to let someone new in… not after everything that happened.

"Merry Christmas." I whisper.

She lightly kisses my cheek and looks me over in adoration. "How about you go join the kids in the kitchen. I know that Alice has been dying to see you."

I nod my head, slightly blushing and follow the sound of the noise with Emmett trailing behind me.

"Bella!" Alice screeches as I enter the kitchen. She jumps down from the counter top and rushes towards me. I hold my hands up in surrender as she pulls me in for a hug. She was strong for such a tiny thing.

"I… can't… breathe."

Alice giggles and lets me go. She was wearing a short lacy white dress and her bangs were clipped back from her face. It had only been a year yet so much had changed. She looked older- more mature.

"Your fashion sense seems to have improved." She compliments my knee length red dress and black sweater.

"You're not wearing heels." She pouts.

Emmett rolls his eyes and steps out from behind me. "You can play Bella Barbie later, Alice. Do I not get a hello?"

"I was getting to you." She waved her hand. "Merry Christmas." Alice delicately wraps her arms around his neck.

I sigh in relief. Bella Barbie was not at the top of my list of things I wanted to do. In fact, it was the very last thing. We follow her to the living room to find Jasper and Rosalie lounging on the couch.

The christmas tree was situated in the corner of the room with gold tinsel draped over it. The Angel sat on top, watching over us all. The dark ruby shades were pulled back allowing us to see out into the forest. It looked like a winter wonderland. I pressed my hands against the glass wall and stared out into the wilderness. It was beautiful yet ominous. Nobody knew what was out there lurking around.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Rosalie stood to my left. I nod my head and I can't help but smile. I had always wanted it to snow on Christmas. I didn't care how much, I just wanted to play in the white fluffiness. I wished every year for Christmas and it never came.

But this year my wish had come true.

"How have you been?" she asks after a few moments of silence.

"Better." I whisper. I keep my eyes focused on the falling snowflakes. "I've been going to the gym. Victoria recommended it. It helps with stress."

"That's great." She exclaimed.

"And I got a job." I looked at her. "I work at a bookstore. I just categorize and shelve books and sometimes work at the cash register." I blush. Why couldn't I ever stop talking?

"It seems like you're liking it. Have you made any friends?"

I nod my head enthusiastically. "The store is in Henderson. Nobody knows me or about the whole trial or any of that stuff. I'm a completely different person."

"That's great Bella." She smiled. "I'm happy for you."

I blush even harder.

"Have you seen Edward yet?" there's a slight hesitation in her voice. I follow her gaze to the stairs.

I don't respond.

"I think you should go talk to him." She sighs. "You can't keep avoiding each other."

She sounds like Victoria.

"Edward doesn't want to see me." I mumble.

"Did he tell you that?"

"Well no-"

"Then you have no reason to believe that." she sighed. "Go talk to him."

ooOoo

Should I knock?

No don't do it.

I can't keep standing here. It's creepy. There's no noise coming from the other side of the door.

Maybe he's asleep.

Or maybe he's not. Maybe he's reading a book or studying or is just being… really quiet today.

His door is closed. He probably doesn't want to see anyone. Why else would his door be closed?

Maybe he just wants some privacy. Maybe he's still jet lagged.

From three days ago? I don't think so.

I pout my lips and awkwardly stand at his door. I should just leave. I'm setting myself up for embarrassment. He's probably got a really pretty girlfriend and she's studying to be a doctor too and their going to have cute babies. Why would he want to spend time with a girl who's still in high school? There are much more prettier girls than me.

"Bella?"

My head shoots up.

Fuck.

His hair is disheveled and stubble covered his face. He stared at me as if he'd seen a ghost.

I take a couple steps back from the door.

"Wha-what are you doing?" He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned against the doorway. He was shirtless. I keep my eyes focused on his face.

Don't look down. Don't look down.

"H-hello." I stutter. My face heats up in embarrassment and I look away.

Really Bella? C'mon!

"I called you." He said. "You didn't pick up."

No shit Sherlock.

I nod my head. "I was busy."

There was no excuse and he knew it. I bite my bottom lip wring my hands around and around. It felt like I was gonna throw up.

Don't do it, Bella.

"How have you been?"

I gulp and shrug my shoulders. It was cold in the hallway. I hug my arms around my stomach and curl into myself. There's music playing in his room, I focus on the beat.

One, two, three, four, five-

"Bella." Edward cups my face in his hands. "Breathe." he simply said

I look up at him and small gasps escape my lips. Was I having a panic attack? It felt like I was. He was beautiful… and I couldn't have him.

"You don't want me." my voice chokes. I step away from him and push myself against the wall.

"That's not true." his voice is incredulous. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I love-"

"Don't say that." my voice is full of hurt and rage. My cheeks are wet with tears and I embarrassingly wipe them away.

Stop crying Bella. You're not a baby.

"You left me. I understand that you're probably freaked out after… what happened and I don't blame you for it. But what I don't understand is how you couldn't even say goodbye. All I wanted was a goodbye and you couldn't even give me that." I sobbed. My hands shook and I clenched them into fists.

"I've never regretted anything more. I'm not freaked out by you- far from it-"

I can't hold back a scoff. Bullshit.

"I'm angry with myself. I- I hurt you Bella, can't you see that?" his voice broke. "None of what happened was your fault. I knew that us… doing it, wasn't a good idea but we still did it and then all shit went lose. I decided that the only logical thing to do was to stay away. I couldn't hurt you anymore. I wouldn't allow myself to."

"So you left? You left because you thought that you were protecting me?"

He nodded his head. Edward was telling the truth. His eyes watered with tears and he took a step closer. I didn't stop him.

"I know that I didn't go about it the right way-"

You think?

"But I'm here now and I want to make things right between us. I love you Bella. There's nothing I've been more sure about."

Everything was so confusing. He said he loved me but then didn't talk to me for several months and it was all because he was, protecting me. Rosalie said that men were idiots but I didn't believe her until now. I'm not sure what was going through his mind when he thought that ignoring me would be a remotely good idea.

"You still love me?" I whispered.

"I never stopped loving you."

I wanted to be angry but he had his sad face on. His lips pouted and he continuously ran his fingers through his hair. Tears spill down my cheeks. He loved me. Edward Cullen loved me. I wasn't sure whether to hug or slap him. I wanted to do both.

I freeze when he takes a step closer. The muscles in his arms flex but I keep my eyes on his chest. He was standing right in front of me- we were chest to chest.

"Please." I let out a shaky breathe. "Please I need some space. I'm not ready for anything yet..."

I lift my head as he takes a couple of steps back. "I'm sorry…" he trails off and a look of worry is plastered on his face. "We won't do anything until you're ready. I promise."

I nod my head. We'd take to step by step. Day by day.

ooOoo

"Merry Christmas, Bella." Carlisle warmly hugged me when Edward and I came down the stairs side by side ten minutes later. He was standing by the open oven and the smell of chicken wafted out.

"It appears that you've managed to wrangle my son down from his room." Carlisle smirked and give his son a look saying- we'd talk later.

"Yes, I did." I awkwardly laugh. I sit down at the island in the center of the kitchen and stuff my mouth with dip and chips. Edward and him were having a silent argument and I didn't want to get in the way.

After a few moments of silence, Edward pulls out the chair next to me and slumps down in it. Carlisle sighs and turns back to the oven, taking the chicken out. "Why don't you kids join the others in the living room?"
"We're perfectly fine here, thank you." Edward replied. I tense when he swings an arm over my chair. Carlisle stills and turns back around. His demeanor is a mixture of annoyance and frustration, aimed at his son.

"I wasn't asking, son." he grits his teeth together.

"I know." Edward shrugs his shoulders and raises his eyebrows, daring Carlisle to say something more.

"Maybe we should just go." I turn to Edward and whisper. "It's not a big deal."

He shakes his head back and forth. Edward and him were both stubborn and that didn't go well together. Whether it was extending curfew and taking the car out, it always turned into a big argument. Edward didn't know how to let things go.

His leg bounces up and down and I rest my hand on his knee, begging him not to start anything. I feel his breathing start to slow and he pushes himself out from the table. He turns to me and says, "C'mon Bella. It seems my father doesn't want our company."

"Edward." sighs Carlisle.

He walks out of the room without another word. I'm frozen in the chair, unsure what to do. Rose said that Edward was always grumpiest when he was hungover… and he reeked of alcohol.

"I'm sorry about him." Carlisle hangs his head back as he pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. He mumbled a few intelligible things to himself.

"He's been in a bad mood since he came back and I just want today be good for Esme. It's the first time in six months the whole family is together again. Edward has been putting off coming back for the longest time."

I nod my head and let out a little sigh. Everyone knew that it was because of me. Yet nobody was willing to say it outloud.

"Is he liking it at Dartmouth?" I pause before asking. It was his dream school. Carlisle wanted him to go to Oxford University in England just like him in England but I just couldn't see it. Edward wasn't the preppy type. He was laid back and moved with the flow of the crowd.

"I believe so." Carlisle said. "He doesn't call very often much to our disappointment. The only time we ever hear anything is through Alice. She keeps track of everything."

I nod my head.

"Perhaps you'll go to Oxford- with a brain like yours, I don't see how they could deny you."

"Oh, no, you can't be serious." my eyes widen in shock.

He was serious.

"I-I'm not even sure I'll pass this year. I'm already doing bad in so many classes and I don't see how I can get my grades up."

"I'll tutor you, Bella! Don't say that you can't do it. If you think like that, you'll never get anything accomplished!"

The joy on his face made it impossible to refuse the offer. Alice was off doing her fashion thing in New York City, Edward was living off the grid in New Hampshire, and then there was me. Carlisle's last hope.

"All I want for Christmas is one thing-"

"What?"

"For you to try." he exclaimed. "I want you to try your damn hardest and make this year count! Don't give up on us now, you've gone so far."

I crack a smile. It was hard to keep a straight face when he was wearing a pink frilly apron.

Nonetheless, I nod my head. I could promise that.

"Now, enough with the pep talk. Go and have fun with the others! I'll deal with Edward."

ooOoo

Author's Note:

Hi y'all! Happy New Year to everyone! Thank you so much for your reading and reviewing, I'm so thankful for your support! As promised, Edward is back! I hope y'all are happy because I am!

Also, I just wanted to address some reviews from the last chapter. As I said before, I don't know much about the court system so I wasn't aware about that whole probation thing. If people are really annoyed by it, I'll go back and fix it but just be aware I'm not an expert on law. Also, I'm aware that Washington State gets a lot of snow but I just switched it up for this story.

Anyways, I should update again soon and I hope that all y'all are having a happy new year!