Hey.

It's Sunday.

How long has it been since I last updated?

I don't remember.

Did I ever publish Chapter 29?

I don't think so.

Mountainshine asked me when I'm going to update. I didn't know. I said something very vague. Then she changed the subject to the apple joke.

So when am I going to update?

Today I'm going to post this, at least.

Why haven't I been updating?

Well, first off, not because of mm i wanna die. And not because of self control.

Glad I made that clear.

Self control is done. I might post it, but probably not.

It makes me cringe. All three versions made me cringe.

Mm I wanna die… yeah, you know what? I don't care. Or maybe I do, but I'm not going to show it.

Being stoic is hard.

Not crying is hard.

Not failing school is hard too, but not in the same way.

I'm mostly doing math these days. Math is not fanfic-friendly.

Nor is getting your phone confiscated.

I'm still Ivystorm, though. Still pretty much as random as usual.

I'm not going through any hard times at all. I don't have reason to be sad, or unmotivated, you know?

But I'm still unmotivated.

My creativity's at the lowest level. The most creative thing I did yesterday was draw a creepy rabbit.

Oh, and write a ridiculous, unfunny transcript of what my friend and I did in form period. For the record, it did not include making flowers for charity, which was what we were meant to be doing.

I'm probably not as looking forward to life as I was. I'm literally only looking forward to Friday, also known as rant to Mountainshine for two hours day.

Ha ha, very funny.

It's not like I'm depressed or anything. I said so already. I don't have any reason to be depressed.

I'm just unmotivated.

Don't feel sorry for me. Don't tell me you know how it feels.

I know all that already.

The best you, and me, and everyone else can do is to wait. Wait, and hope for the best.

Hope for the day I think of an amazing, ground-breaking idea.

Who knows? Maybe I will.

And no, this is not Ashfur speaking. It's Ivystorm. Just in case anyone misunderstood. And because if I didn't put this line, one of you would review that.

On the bright side, a particular friend of mine has finished The New Prophecy. I'm pretty happy for her. I mean, the more she reads, the more I rant.

On the brighter side, since I'm trying to be optimistic, I now have more than 100 reviews. In fact, I think KrazyKube was my 100th, so thank you very, very much. Thanks to all the rest of you too. You people are absolutely amazing. Every single one of you.

But really. I loved writing about Ashfur and the gang. I loved the whole process. I never really wanted to end it, but I couldn't make it never-ending. It was meant to be a one-shot. Then it turned into a two-shot, and then a million-shot. Which made some bits of it really weird.

The chatroom, in particular, was never meant to be a plot device. I was just planning to make some totally wacky conversations.

And frankly speaking, I was pretty disappointed in myself when the I made Ashfur arc go on and on and on. I actually wanted to make some rants, some ship stories (that was before self control). Actually, I wanted to make a little on-going arc called "In Defence Of". I was actually going to do Nightcloud defending essays and maybe Dovewing defense because she's cool and I don't get why there's so much hate for her. Same for cats like… I dunno, Breezepelt? He's OK. Used to hate him, but then Crowfeather's Trial happened.

I'm still unmotivated to do this, though. I can't really think of anything to write about. I'm even literally avoiding fanfics like the plague. Dunno why, though. Maybe they make me feel guilty about myself? People write awesome, emotional, descriptive stuff, and I'm not even on their StarClan-forsaken level. I can't write a single sentence without it sounding too dramatic or too plain or too stupid or too long.

To be honest? I feel like I'm making excuses for myself at this point. And I know someone will try and encourage me in the reviews because that's what people do. Or maybe they won't.

I really hope they won't.

I know these are all heaps of foxdung that I call explanations. I feel stupid for that. I feel like I'm lowkey begging for attention. I'm not trying to.

But I still feel stupid.

And oops. I forgot. Um… for those of you who were hoping for a real chapter… sorry.

But because I'm such a stickler for formatting…

Chapter Twenty-Nine: the storm of ivy

Well. Nice title.

If you ever want to contact me, use PM. Or maybe look for me on Quora. Just search for people who know about Warriors and you'll find me. If you feel like you know what school I'm from, try and find me.

If you're Mountainshine, I see you every week anyway and you have my phone number.

What do I say now?

Adieu?

It's not even farewell time. I'm not deleting my account. I'm not dying.

And I don't execute flawless swoons.

TTFN, Ta-ta for now?

That's too casual. I've known you people for ages.

Bai?

Well, you aren't Mountainshine or anyone who goes offline with notice.

Cya?

That's copyrighted. I think.

GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH?

You don't look like Hawkfrost to me.

So…

I'll be back.

:D

*trucks*