A/N Merry Christmas!
I've known for a long time what I wanted to do with this chapter but getting the words and feeling right took a lot longer than I ever expected. But it's finally in a place where I'm happy to share it.
The Return is one of my favourite episodes of the entire series and I think there was a lot more that could be done with it. Normally I try to stay as close to the originally script as possible, but there will be quite a few changes in the next couple of chapters - namely to the timeline as 6 weeks felt like too short a time for everyone to return.
Thank you to TheShadowsNightmare, Adela and Lynn
Alice sat beside John in the Jumper's co-pilot seat, her laptop perched between the dash and her lap. "Do you think Rodney's finished giving his lecture?" John joked, as he prepped the Jumper's controls.
"Are you kidding, it's like a 10 minute speech. We've been hearing it non-stop down in the lab. What's the bet the test is delayed cause of him?" She smirked at him.
"Nah, Caldwell will keep him on schedule."
Alice let out a breathy laugh imagining the no nonsense Colonel managing Rodney's ego and went back to typing on her laptop. "Alright, the forwarding macro has been uploaded. We're ready to go."
"Let's go!" John powered up the jumper and typed in the address. Slowly he lowered them into the gateroom and opened a channel to the control room. "Gate is dialled. Forwarding macro has been uploaded."
"Alright, John. You have a go." Elizabeth's voice came through crystal clear.
John flashed a grin over at Alice. "Alright, then. Here goes."
This was the first test flight for the new Midway bridge that Rodney and Alice had been working on non-stop over the last nine months. She should have known the minute Elizabeth mentioned the words test pilot who would volunteer for the mission. John looked ready to jump with joy when Elizabeth asked if he'd be willing to fly the mission.
The Jumper moved through the event horizon, when they reached the other side their windscreen was filled with dark black sky. It was incredible, the Jumpers were more short range ships, so they'd never taken one this deep into space before. And the view from the Jumper's cockpit was totally different to the one she was used to on the Daedalus. The window was tilted at such an angle she almost felt like she was just floating in the void.
"Colonel Sheppard, right on time. What's your status?" Caldwell's voice came through the speakers, bringing Alice back to the job at hand.
John patted himself down quickly. "Felt a little weird, but everything seems to be in one piece." He winked at Alice, smirking she rolled her eyes at his antics. "Ready to proceed to next phase. Uploading macro and initiating dialling sequence."
Alice tapped a few keys and gave him a thumbs up. He started to punch the symbols on the Jumper's D.H.D. Ahead of them, the Milky Way Gate activated. Slowly they moved towards the event horizon, stopping a few meters shy to await clearance. "Tonight, I want to take you to my favourite restaurant." John said, not taking his eyes of the gate ahead of them.
Things had been a bit awkward between them ever since Rod's visit, other than missions they barely seemed to spend any time alone together now.
Every day for the past two weeks it seemed like one or both of them was always working late or simply too busy. She looked at the cheeky grin spread on his face, she wasn't sure if John had noticed her pulling away, but she couldn't deny how strong her feelings for this man were. "So long as it's not the base's mess hall." Alice laughed, telling herself to just relax, as always she was overthinking the entire situation.
John gave her a lopsided grin, something she'd felt like she hadn't seen in a while. "Daedalus, ready to proceed."
They waited looking around them for Caldwell's go ahead. "Colonel Sheppard, you have a go." John took in a deep breath and flew the Jumper forward.
Alice felt the familiar rush of travelling through the gate, and in what felt like half a second they were inches short of the control room's window.
Standing behind the glass Alice recognised General O'Neill and Landry. O'Neill leaned forward into the small microphone. "It's about time!"
John chuckled. "Sorry, sir."
O'Neill stepped aside to let Landry hover over the mic. "Colonel Sheppard. Doctor Riley. Welcome to Earth."
"Thank you, sir."
Alice grinned. "Good to be back sir."
"You know where to park. We'll debrief and go over the flight data as soon as you're ready."
"Yes, sir." John let the Jumper travel up the silo above them and into the newly created hanger bay.
Alice grabbed two external hard drives from her bag and downloaded the data from the test onto them. Then she closed her laptop and packed it into her bag. John was already up and grabbing his gear from the back. "You ready?" He poked his head back into the cockpit.
"Yep. All set." She slung her backpack on her shoulders and walked into the back. As she past him she stopped to press a quick kiss against his lips, and placed one of the hard drives into his hand. "Pick me up in an hour?"
His lips turned up into a small smile. "Wouldn't miss it."
He leaned back and opened the cargo door and together they both went their separate ways, John to debrief with the Generals and Alice headed for Samantha Carter's lab. "Afternoon." She said cheerfully as she walked into the lab, her mind still lingering on John's kiss.
As usual Sam was hunched over her laptop. When she looked up at Alice entering her lab, her eyes went wide and she looked down at her watch. "Oh god, I missed the test!"
Alice laughed. "Don't worry. Went off without a hitch." She pulled the harddrive from her bag. "I've got the back ups of the Jumper data here for you. But from what I could tell everything seemed to go just as we expected. Everything within the predicted limits."Sam took the drive off Alice and plugged it into her laptop immediately. Together they examined the data, trying to find anything that didn't fit within their expected tolerances.
After what only felt like a few minutes later, John knocked on the edge of the doorway. "Sorry ladies, am I interrupting?"
Sam and Alice looked up from their screens. "Not at all." They said at the same time. Alice looked down at her watch and couldn't believe over an hour had past since their arrival.
"Riles, if you want to grab food we need to go now." He clasped his hands behind his back, looking slightly uncomfortable under Sam's gaze.
Alice powered down and scooted out of her chair. "It was good to see you Sam." She leaned across and gave her a quick hug.
"You too." She gave her a small squeeze then looked over to John with an amused expression. "Colonel."
John dipped his head respectfully. "Colonel." Then together John and Alice raced off down the corridors to the elevator.
The doors closed behind them. Alice leant back against one of the side walls. "Any hints?"
John crossed his arms and casually leaned a shoulder against the opposite wall. "Have you missed pasta?"
—
Alice sat across from John at a small boutique Italian restaurant not far from the base. They looked completely out of place next to all the other couples around them. Most were dressed in nice semi-formal wear, the men in smart shirts and tailored pants, and the women in lacy blouses or pretty dresses. Alice pulled uncomfortably at the hem of her SG team black t-shirt. Biting down on her lower lip, she glanced over at John who although was still dressed in his standard BDUs, somehow annoyingly pulled it off. The number of women whose eyes had latched onto his muscular figure as they'd stepped into the restaurant had almost made her laugh.
Alice took in a deep breath, shuffling in her seat and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She felt completely out of place. Her eyes darted up to John, he was leaning back against his chair speaking with the host who'd shown them to their table. He seemed to know John.
They were speaking in a low whisper so Alice couldn't make out what they were saying. The host nodded and turned back to head to his place at the front entrance. John twisted back in his chair to face her, a lazy lopsided grin on his face. "I've never even heard of this place." Alice looked around at the quaint decorations surrounding them. John smiled and reached across the table grabbing her hand.
"It's a well kept secret." He gave her hand a small squeeze, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "Besides, how often do we get to do something as normal as go out for dinner." He joked.
Alice shook her head, letting out a small lofty laugh. "Not exactly many dining options are there."
"Unless you feel like trying some of the more..." he lent in closer across the table. "unique…cuisine, we've come across." He laughed, straightening back up.
Alice scrunched up her face as she thought about some of the food they'd been forced to eat in the name of diplomacy. "I'd rather not. Italian is as foreign as I can handle right now."
John let out a lofty laugh. "It was actually General O'Neill who recommended it to me originally. Apparently he came here all the time when he was on SG-1. I decided to try it out last time I was here."
Alice snorted. "I remember those days. If Elizabeth thinks she has a handful with our team, she didn't spend enough time with O'Neill's team. We were always being sent after them." She smiled softly at the memory. "There's actually a local bar just down the road we all used to go to. I think they banned all airforce personnel now." She let out a small laugh.
John raised an eyebrow. "Do you miss it here?" He asked his eyes roaming over her expression, but paused and let go of her hand as the waiter came to put their food on the table.
Alice picked up her fork and started playing with her pasta. "Honestly... I don't think so." She looked around the bistro. "I mean it's home, but we're really needed back there." She tried not to say Atlantis. It wouldn't be good if some nosy diner at the next table overheard them talking about the lost city. John nodded thoughtfully. "What about you? Do you miss your family?"
"I'm better off where we are." John's face tensed. "Y'know someone told me Lorne is seeing someone on base."
Alice knew he was trying to change the topic, he never spoke about his family. Even to her. All she knew was his father and brother still lived in Washington DC, but they'd had some big falling out. She narrowed her eyes, but let it go this time. "Really? Who? and he hasn't said anything."
"I overheard some of the juniors whispering about it. Though who knows if it's true." John shrugged.
"Oh my god! Yes. Of course." A high pitch lady screeched from the other side of the restaurant.
Alice and John both turned to the side to see what had caused the outburst. Two tables down from them a man was down on one knee, a small box in his hand and a pretty brunette woman crying as she pressed a kiss against his lips.
Alice felt her whole body tense. The rest of the restaurant started clapping and saying their congratulations to the couple who were beaming smiles back at them as the man slipped the ring on the woman's finger.
She felt her face pale as her mind suddenly flooded with images of her alternate self - pregnant with John's baby. She'd managed to push it to the back of her mind, focusing on other things and enjoying her time with John. But now the fear and anxiety that she had felt before returned. A tightness spread over her chest, so much so her breathing became slightly laboured. "Riles, are you okay?" John asked, his eyes widening as her breathing increased.
But she couldn't hear him over the blood pounding in her ears. Her hands and legs started trembling as it felt like her heart was about to break through her ribs. She struggled to draw in a breath, as her airway started tightening closing up. The room suddenly seemed claustrophobic, trapping her in this state. In a panic, she pushed back her chair, and ran for the front door.
The fresh cool air hit her hard, stumbling she placed her back against the wall of the restaurant. Doubling over her hand clutched her chest, trying to distract herself from the pain. "Riles!" John's voice sounded next to her, she hadn't even heard him follow her.
She couldn't speak. She couldn't focus on anything other than the pain and her own breathing. John placed his arms around her, whispering calming words into her ear. The pain started to dull, her breathing slowly returning to normal. Slowly, she loosened her grip on her chest.
"I'll get us a cab." He kissed her head and walked back inside.
They took a cab back to the bases main gate. She'd managed to convince John she didn't need to be checked over - she'd tried to pass it off as a side effect of not sleeping well. She knew he wasn't buying it, but he'd prefer to get back to Atlantis sooner rather than later. Though she doubted that would be the last she heard of it.
Before she knew it they were back in the cockpit of the Jumper and she was uploading the new macros to send them home.
She cleared her throat. "Ready on your mark." She hit a key and looked up to give Sam a quick wave goodbye through the windscreen.
"Control, we are go for launch." John smirked and craned his head towards her. "I've always wanted to say that."
Alice offered him a half-hearted smile and prepared herself to head through the gate. The SGC gateroom vanished and in front of them was empty space.
As expected, the only ship on their display was the Daedalus. "Colonel Sheppard, welcome back to the middle of nowhere."
Alice tapped her keyboard. Downloading the latest data and inputting the next macro. John levelled their position and moved towards the Pegasus gate. "Thank you, Colonel. I've got a take-out pizza for everyone back at Atlantis. With your permission, I'd like to upload the macro and dial out before it gets cold."
"Negative. We're putting that leg of the trip on hold for now. Seems like we're expecting company."
Alice and John exchanged a confused glance. "Company, sir?" Alice hit a control to bring up their long range scanners, but nothing showed up.
"Come aboard and we'll explain. Port bay shields are down."
John raised an eyebrow. "Well, this is different."
John landed the Jumper on the floor of the Daedalus' X-302 bay. "Don't think we're not going to talk about what happened back there." He said as he stood up from his seat left. Alice pursed her lips and just nodded, keeping her head low as they headed for the briefing room.
Caldwell and several members of the crew were waiting there already.
Rodney was standing at the front of the room, putting on his best teacher voice. "Believe it or not, moving that fast, while an incredible feat of technology, isn't very useful - certainly in comparison to travel through hyperspace. Now, moving as fast as it is, this ship - assuming it is a ship - would still take at least a million years just to reach the Milky Way."
Caldwell was sat just in front of Rodney. "That close to the speed of light, don't you have to take relativity into account?"
Rodney smiled. "Exactly. The people on board - assuming that they are people - would only experience maybe twelve years, so a few stasis chambers and you're laughing ... I mean, they're not laughing, they're unconscious - but, uh, you know, metaphorically."
John crossed his arms. "So - assuming it's a ship and assuming they're people ..."
"... what do we do about them?" Alice finished. Both her and John were stood at the back of the room.
Rodney craned his neck to look back at them. "Well, we try and make contact, obviously."
Caldwell lent back in his chair. "How do you propose we do that?"
"Pull up, honk the horn, try to get 'em to roll down the window." John quipped.
Caldwell didn't seem impressed with John's attempt at humour. "I'm talking about attempting to match their speed. This ship is not designed to do that."
Alice shook her head. "We can't. I mean, even if we succeeded, we'd be subjected to the same time dilation effects. We'd be out of contact with Earth and Atlantis for, well, years."
John turned towards her. "Can't we overtake 'em with our hyperdrive?"
"Yes" Rodney looked miffed Alice had taken the spotlight off him. "but they would blow right past us as soon as we dropped back into normal space because our sublight engines are incapable of accelerating to anywhere near the speed of light."
John shrugged. "So we max out the sublight engines, get as close as we can get."
Rodney blinked. "Hmm. Yes. I mean, that might work. We should at least be able to stay in range long enough to get some sensor readings, yeah."
Caldwell stood up. "Do it." The military personnel stood at attention and moved to let him past. John didn't move. "I'll let Atlantis know you're gonna be late."
As Caldwell left, the rest of the crew started filing out the door. Rodney pushed his way through to stand next to John and Alice. "Um, did you really get pizza for everyone? Because it would be a shame for that to go to waste if we're gonna, um ..."John gave him a blank stare. Trust Rodney to always think with his stomach. "...Yeah, OK, so solve this first and then ..." he then hurried away from John's stare.
"I should probably go help him." Alice started to follow Rodney, but John reached out grabbing her arm.
"Not so fast, don't think I've forgotten about what happened at dinner." Alice tried to drop her face to the floor, but John tilted his head raising an eyebrow. "I want you to go get checked out."
Alice shook her head. "It was nothing, just-"
His face hardened. "I know a panic attack when I see one. Don't make me make it an order."
Alice thought about trying to argue more, but John's expression told her this wouldn't be one she'd win. "Alright, I'll head to the infirmary." She agreed reluctantly.
—
Alice sat at one of the forward monitoring stations on the bridge, once she'd had her check up in the Infirmary - confirming what she'd expected, she'd experienced a mild anxiety attack - she'd worked with Rodney to maximise the power output of the sublight engines. Thankfully, they'd been too busy for John to question her anymore, quietly she hoped that with all the fuss going on it would slip his mind. Though it wasn't likely.
Adjusting a few last minute corrections she turned back to see John standing up next to Caldwell, with Rodney beside him. "We're ready."
"Sir, we've got just about everything we're gonna get out of the sublight engines." Klienman reported, the ship's pilot.
Alice could see the object approaching them. "Okay. They're gonna fly by us in three, two, one." She shifted to the right so she could look out the main window. A large blur appeared in the distance and in a second was already past them. Alice squinted but she couldn't tell what the object was.
"Interesting." She twisted around to see Rodney looking down at his tablet.
"What?" Caldwell looked annoyed to have to ask.
"If these readings are correct - and to be perfectly fair, they may not be ..." he rambled.
"Rodney." John warned
Rodney looked up. "It's an Ancient warship. It's possibly Aurora class."
"Who's flying it?"
"I ... would imagine Ancients."
Caldwell looked st him sceptically. "But there hasn't been any of them around for over ten thousand years."
Rodney sighed. "Relativity?! Look, remember, for them only a handful of years have passed."
Alice stood up and walked over to join them. "Don't Aurora class ships have hyperdrives?"
Rodney scrunched up his face. "Well, maybe their hyperdrive was damaged in a battle with the Wraith. It happened to us all the time. Maybe it conked out on the way and they were forced to continue at as close to light speed as possible. That would explain how they got a million light years away from Pegasus without having to leave a million years ago."
Caldwell held up his hand. "You know the subspace drive specs better than I do, Doctor, but I'm not sure an Aurora class ship has the power to do what you're suggesting."
"Maybe they have a ZPM." Alice offered.
John perked up, pointing his finger at Alice. "That would be worth finding out."
Rodney started typing quickly on his tablet. "OK, we need to send them a message before they get out of range and we have to jump ahead. Uh, something like, you know, We are humans from Earth currently occupying Atlantis, uh, yada, yada, yada ..."
"Why don't we just ask 'em to slow down?" John said.
"Colonel Caldwell. The unidentified vessel is slowing down." Klienman's console started beeping.
John smirked. "Maybe they heard me."
Alice peered over Klienman's shoulder. "No, they saw us. They're not just slowing down - they're slamming on the brakes something like twenty-seven gees."
"So now what?" Caldwell looked expectantly at Rodney and Alice.
Alice opened her mouth but a bright flash took their attention away. Standing in front of them was a hologram of a blonde woman. "Unknown vessel, I'm Captain Helia of the Lantean warship Tria. Our ship has suffered damage. We've scanned your vessel and determined that it is capable of hyperspace travel. We've begun deceleration manoeuvres. Will you render assistance in the form of hyperspace transport?"
"Well, yes! Yes, of course we will." Rodney said eagerly.
The hologram of Helia didn't turn to him or respond in any way.
"I don't think she can hear you." John stepped forward and waved his hand in front of her face. Again nothing happened.
"Open a channel." Caldwell ordered. "This is Colonel Steven Caldwell of the Earth ship Daedalus. It would be an honour to render assistance in any way we possibly can."
Helia smiled, then her hologram disappeared.
Rodney grinned. "We're gonna meet Ancients! I mean, flesh and blood Ancients who know what everything is and how everything works! I mean, I don't even know what to ask first!"
Caldwell slouched into his chair. "Well, it's gonna be a couple of hours before we can match velocities for transport."
"That should give you enough time to write out that list!" John was clearing joking, but Rodney's eyes lit up.
"Right, right!" He hurried off towards the engine room.
Alice crossed her arms and looked down at Klienman's screen again. "What's wrong?" John came to stand beside her, following her gaze.
"Nothing." She chewed her lip. "I guess just remembering the last time we thought we were going to meet Ancients." Her gut started churning, as flashbacks of Niam and Oberoth filled her mind.
"We'll check them thoroughly for nanites, don't worry" he reached out and rubbed her arm discretely.
She nodded, wishing she could be comforted. But something gnawed at the back of her mind, something not quite right. Her eyes glanced around realising that they were standing alone now that everyone had gone back to work. She felt her muscles tense. "Yeah, well I should go check on the engines, they're still a bit touchy after the battle with the Wraith." She didn't wait to see John's reaction moving as quickly as she could make look normal out of the bridge.
—
The journey back had been interesting, since the Tria didn't have a working hyperdrive, they'd offered to transport the crew onboard the Daedalus. Though it had sounded more like am order in Alice's eyes.
She'd read the mission reports from SG-1 and even spoken to Daniel Jackson about his time with the Ancients. Every report described them similarly; an exceptional race of humans much further down the evolutionary path than the current occupants of Earth, but with a certain arrogance and sense of moral authority that always caused trouble for the SGC.
Unsurprisingly, despite Alice and the Daedalus' crews attempts at general conversation and hospitality, the Ancients kept to themselves with most dialog being conveyed by their ships' Captain, Helia. Who in Alice's opinion could do with a bit of a reality check, though she expressed her gratitude at them assisting them in returning to Atlantis, there was something underlying that Alice couldn't quite place her finger on.
The week long journey back to Atlantis hadn't been as exciting as she would have thought. Alice spent most of her time with Rodney in the labs going through the Gate-bridge data she'd collected. Thankful to have something to busy her mind. And John was acting as guide and mediator between the Ancients and the crew - something she was sure he absolutely despised. Diplomacy wasn't exactly his forte.
Finally though they were back. Alice stood on the bridge and saw Lantea coming into view. "I don't think I'll ever get sick of seeing that." She murmured to Rodney.
"Mhmm" He muttered, his head down in his datapad.
Alice rolled her eyes. "Alright Rodney, time to get ready. Thanks for the ride Colonel." She dipped her head politely at Caldwell as they headed out of the room preparing to beam down. John, Helia and a few other Ancients were waiting for them at the transport site. Alice gave her best diplomatic smile. "Captain. John."
John smiled back and tapped his earpiece. "Ready to beam."
Alice felt the familiar sensation of the Asgard beaming technology, and in the next heartbeat she was back standing in the middle of the gateroom. Ronon, Teyla and Elizabeth had gathered around ready to greet them.
"Doctor Weir, Ronon, Teyla - this is Helia, captain of the Ancient ship Tria." John introduced them politely. He probably couldn't wait to hand them over to Elizabeth and be done with it.
Elizabeth could barely contain her excitement. "It's an honour to meet you."
Helia smiled at her. "Thank you. And from what I'm told, you've done a remarkable job preserving our city."
Alice felt her skin prickle as Helia stressed our city.
Elizabeth looked around at the gateroom. "We did what we could with what we had."
The smile disappeared from Helia's face, her mouth pressing into a tight line. "I need to speak to the leader of your people."
Alice shot John a look, but he seemed just as surprised. Elizabeth shuffled uncomfortably. "I'm in charge of the Atlantis expedition."
"You misunderstand me, Doctor Weir. I need to talk to the one who can speak for all the people of Earth."
"That can certainly be arranged, but may I ask why?"
Helia smiled, and a console rose up from the floor between her and Elizabeth. Instantly, Alice flinched away. Her hand reaching for the gun that would normally be secured on her thigh holster, but her fingers brushed empty material. Beside her Ronon had snatched out his blaster aiming it at Helia.
"What is that? How come I've never seen that?" Rodney spluttered.
Ignoring the guns raised at her, Helia walked to the console and put her hand on it. Alice flicked her eyes back and forth watching as screens all across the room started shutting down.
Elizabeth looked startled. "Excuse me, what's going on?"
"Thank you for all that you've done, Doctor Weir, but your guardianship of this city is no longer necessary. The city is now under my control."
The words felt like someone had sucker punched her in the gut. She suddenly understood the uneasiness she'd been feeling. This had been their plan all along.
Alice sat on a stool in her lab, it had been three days now, and Helia still hadn't relinquished control of the city and the problem had been escalated to the SGC. In retaliation they'd sent through General O'Neill and Richard Woolsey to manage the situation. Luckily they didn't have to wait six weeks for the Daedalus to go get them, instead travelling through the new gate bridge.
All current projects and off-world missions had been suspended. Not that they could work even if they wanted to. Their captor - Helia - had completely locked them out of the Ancient database.
She looked at her computer blankly, Rodney and her had attempted to tunnel through and find a back way into the database but so far they'd had no luck.
"Still nothing?" Ronon's voice surprised her.
"No. And I think it was a waste of time from the beginning." She sighed and closed the screen. She swung her legs around so she could face Ronon and Teyla. "How are you both doing?" Alice watched as they exchanged a exasperated look. "...Yeah stupid question."
"From what we've been hearing it's unlikely that the ancestors will let anyone stay." Ronon flicked a pen across the desk and onto the floor.
Alice took in a deep breath. "I'm sure O'Neill or Elizabeth won't let it come to that. I mean we can't just abandon the city. Right..." Though as she said it, the more the words seemed less true.
Teyla winced. "When I spoke to Elizabeth it didn't sound like there was going to be a choice." Alice frowned, It made perfect sense, the Ancients wanted their home back. But that didn't have to mean the end of the expedition, did it? Alice felt her breathing getting heavier, she suddenly felt like she was trapped in one of her nightmares. "We'll be sorry to lose such good friends." Teyla sighed grimly, Ronon had a similar expression. "But you must know, we would be honoured if any of you decided to stay. You will always have a place with my people." Teyla placed her hand comfortingly on Alice's shoulder.
Like the restaurant before, the room around her suddenly felt confining and small. "I need to get some air." She blurted out, slamming the lid of her laptop she took off out the door towards the closest balcony.
The wide open space and cool ocean air instantly comforted her. The sun was still high in the sky. Taking in slow deep breaths, she attempt to calm her racing heart beat. "Get it together Riley." She muttered to herself. Weakness wasn't something she handled well, and now only a few days apart she felt weaker than she had in years.
Slowly her heart returned to it's normal pace, and just as she started feeling back to normal an announcement came over the tannoy. "All senior personnel please report to the mess hall."
Alice checked her watch, it was late afternoon. As far as she knew no meetings had been scheduled, so that meant the Ancients must have made their decision.
Instead of panic though, this time she felt her blood run cold with dread. Was this it? Would they really leave Pegasus?
A million thoughts zapped through her head. But it made her stomach heave as she thought about abandoning everything they'd been doing for the past three years. That's when she realised what she'd said to John back on Earth was completely wrong. Earth wasn't her home anymore, she'd never felt like she'd belonged anywhere more than here in this galaxy, with these people.
Reluctantly she pushed herself off the railing and headed heavy footed to the mess hall.
By the time she got there the room was almost full. Though it was supposed to be just senior members, most of the expedition had filed in. She couldn't blame them, everyone was eager to hear what was going to happen.
Pushing her way through the crowd of people, she easily spotted Ronon towering over everyone. She said a quick hello, and then John stepped on top of a table holding his hand up to get everyone's attention. "Alright, everyone listen up." Instantly conversations died across the hall, and everyones eyes turned to John. He cast his gaze across the room and finally Alice felt it rest on her, Teyla and Ronon. "Now, as you all know the crew of the Tria have re-taken control of Atlantis and they've decided..." He took in a breath. "...For the time being, the Earth expedition is to return the city to their ownership." The crowd burst into a shocked and angry chorus. Alice stayed quiet, tensely waiting for the decision that would flip her life upside down. John held his hands up again to try re-gain control. "The IOA and the SGC have agreed to this and we will be evacuating the city. We have 48 hours to pack up and return to Earth. Senior members you will be given your evac responsibilities from Major Lorne. All equipment will be transported on the Daedalus, but personnel and belongings will be going through the Stargate." His face was grim and hard. "Let's get moving people."
Alice felt like her heart had stopped. Her worst fear was coming true. What felt like a lifetime of missions, memories, sacrifices and grief washed over her - suddenly it felt like everything they'd fought for the last three years was for nothing. No matter what they'd overcome, they'd lost Atlantis.
John made his way down from the table and was immediately mobbed by personnel, asking questions and complaining.
Alice felt her chest starting to constrict as her pulse raced, her hand instinctively went to grab the skin over her heart. "Alice, are you okay?" Teyla put her arm on Alice's back.
"I need to get out of here" Alice managed to gasp out, her breathing becoming shallow and rapid.
Teyla nodded with wide eyes and gently lead her out of the room. Together they walked out into the main hallway. Just being out of the crushing crowd already made Alice start thinking clearly. They were going to leave, in two days there would be no more expedition. Personnel rushed past her, some whispering disgruntedly and others openly tearing up. Taking in a deep breath she straightened up, this wasn't the time to wallow in her own grief. She had a job to do and a duty to those under her, she needed to do her best to keep it together for the next 48 hours. At least in public.
The next few hours past by in a blur, once she'd managed to calm down she'd headed to Evan to get her orders. Alice had been put in charge of the main RD lab equipment, and ensuring all her staff knew their disembarkation group and time.
Alice had dismissed everyone around 10pm that night, the grief and disappointment clear on all their faces. They only had a few precious hours left in the city, so she couldn't deny them one last free evening to enjoy the city. Everyone had quickly rushed off to find their close friends, but Alice stayed in the lab
Even after the last person had left, she'd stayed in the lab for a while after everyone left. She'd never imagined she'd end up here, or that it would have made her as happy as she was. Especially now that she was out of the military. Still hanging up at the back wall was a star map of the Pegasus galaxy one of the scientists had brought from Earth. Dragging a stool over she sat in front of the map.
What did going back to Earth mean? What was she going to do now? Would anything ever compare to the work and help they'd done for the people of this galaxy?
She knew the answers to those questions. It was like she could already see the rest of her life mapped out. Once they were back on Earth all the military personnel would either be reassigned to the SGC or the Alpha site and some would be deployed somewhere else on Earth, fighting the political wars of our planet that seemed so trivial now. There was little doubt in her mind John would be given his own SG team to lead.
For her, she'd be offered a position at the SGC, as part of their science team. Which meant little to no gate travel.
John would want to get a place together, and she wouldn't say no. It was just the logical next step, especially considering they basically already lived together here. And she'd spend the rest of her days hardly ever making a difference or stepping through the gate again.
It wasn't the worst future, hell, it was a lot better than most got. But Teyla's words rang in her head. If she wanted to she could stay here. She could still make a difference. But at what personal cost...
When John got back to her room that night it was past midnight. He entered quietly and Alice heard him taking off his boots as he sat on the edge of her bed and let out a weary sigh. "I thought you'd be asleep."
Alice rolled over to look up at him, though in the dark she found it difficult to make out his expressions. "Couldn't sleep." She said softly.
John pulled off his jacket and t-shirt. Then stood up to take off his belt. Alice propped herself up on her elbow as he slid into bed next to her. He put his arm out behind her and pulled her onto his bare chest, kissing the top of her head. "I know. It's been a rough day. Though I have to say of all the times I thought we'd lost the city, this is one of the best."
Alice knew he wasn't wrong, over the last three years there had been some very close calls. "I guess." She muttered.
John placed his finger under her chin, tilting her head up. "Don't worry, i'm sure it won't be forever." He placed a sweet kiss on her lips.
Alice felt herself leaning into him, her kiss becoming desperate. Pushing the blanket back away from them, she felt John's hands slip down her back to her waist.
Placing her hands on either side of his face she swung her leg over his so she was straddling his hips. Instantly John started pulling her shirt over her head momentarily breaking their kiss. Alice's skin felt feverish as she drew in heavy breaths, her eyes locked on John's. Keeping one hand on the small of her back, John drew himself up and easily flipped them over so he was now lying on top of her.
Gently he pushed a piece of hair out of her face, then lowered his lips down tracing kisses down her neck and collar bone. "Whatever happens, we still have each other." His husky voice whispered in between kisses. "I love you."
Alice felt an overwhelming sense of love, fear and guilt. She should tell him what she'd been thinking, every doubt and insecurity she had. But it felt like she'd lost the ability to speak. Instead she lightly drew John's face to hers and placed her lips on his, hoping for one last time to convey everything she felt for him. Knowing that she wouldn't be going back with him.
—-
Alice had stayed awake all night considering whether she was actually going to go through with her worst plan ever.
Even if she stayed here she knew it wouldn't be the same. There would be no expedition, no team, no Atlantis and no John. But if she didn't stay she knew it would be something that ate away at her soul for the rest of her life. She knew a part of her was also doing this to escape her fears, of a true relationship with John, of a future with him. She rationalised it by thinking about the families and people here that needed help.
John didn't need her, he could survive without her. And in a few months he would have moved on as though she never existed. The thought of John getting over her stung, but it wasn't fair for her to expect anything else. It isn't like he'd be able to wait for her.
That's when she knew, she had to break his heart. Like ripping off a band-aid. The only way for him to let her go, was to break their connection. Her hand covered her mouth as she choked back a sob. Her eyes drifting down to John's peacefully sleeping face.
Swallowing the lump in her throat she'd wrapped her arm over him and nuzzled her face into his chest, breathing in his presence. Her eyes burned as tears started falling down her cheeks.
She'd stayed like that until she could see the morning light streaming in through the window. Before John could wake up she'd showered and slipped out of the room.
"Evan!" Alice pushed her way past a group of marines, Evan was standing at the end of a hallway with a clipboard in his hand and a pen slid behind his ear.
"Hey Aly-cat." He didn't look up as he squinted down at his board. "Shouldn't you be in the lab?" Alice pursed her lips and swung her hands behind her back, grabbing her wrist with the other hand. When Alice didn't reply Evan looked up. "What's up?"
She bit her lip. "I know you're super busy at the moment, but could I steal you for a few minutes."
Evan narrowed his eyes and examined her face, knowing something was wrong. "Sure. Lloyd take over." He handed the clipboard to Alice's friend, who flashed her a grin before Evan led her away from group. "Okay. What's going on. The last time I saw that look on your face you told me you were screwing your CO." He folded his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow accusingly.
Alice lightly punched his shoulder. "Don't say it like that." Then her eyes dropped to the floor. "I've been thinking..."
"Well that's dangerous." Alice scrunched up her face. Evan smirked. "Sorry, i'm listening."
"I've been thinking about what happens next, for all of us." She released her wrist and let her hands drag up her sides, before resting on the back of her hips.
"You mean back on Earth?" Evan tilted his head. "Well, i guess I'll be assigned to another SG team. You could probably do whatever you like, i couldn't imagine them taking you out of the programme if that's what you're worried about."
Alice dropped her gaze down to the floor. "And if I didn't come back..."
Evan dropped his arms, his mouth turning into a slight frown. "You mean stay? Here?" She nodded. "Aly, we don't exactly have a choice."
"I know you don't. But maybe I do."
Evan didn't say anything for a moment. "Have you spoken to him about this?" He didn't need to say his name for Alice to know he was talking about John. Evan also didn't need to wait for her to answer as she shuffled uncomfortably under his gaze. "Als, you've got to talk to him. Heck you should be talking to him right now, not me."
She swallowed. "I don't even know what I'd say." it was true the thought of telling John terrified her. The guilt of not telling him though was crippling, she'd never hated herself more knowing how much this was going to hurt him.
Evan put his hand on her shoulder. "You know what staying would mean, right? I mean we might never see you again."
Alice rushed forward and threw her arms around Evan. "I know." Her voice was barely a whisper. "But I feel like this is the right thing for me."
Evan pulled her tightly against him. "I'm going to miss you so much, but Als, you need to tell him."
"I will." She closed her eyes just enjoying the moment.
—-
The day blew past before Alice knew what had happened. The lab was deserted, it looked like they'd never even been there. It left a hollow feeling in her chest.
Her team were mulling about comparing their group numbers that Alice had just given out. "You okay?" She jumped as Rodney suddenly appeared behind her.
"Yeah. I mean. No. But we have to be right?" She shrugged, wrapping an arm over her stomach as she felt her chest starting to tighten.
"Really? Why?" Rodney sounded frustrated. "I can't believe we're just giving up without a fight."
"Rodney, they physically have control of the entire city. We couldn't do anything even if we tried." She tried to reason.
"It's not fair. We've done more for this galaxy than they have or ever will do." Rodney said defiantly.
Alice raised an eyebrow at him, wondering how this was the same man who just over a week ago was dying to meet a living Ancient. "Life wouldn't be fun if it was fair." She tried to give him a small smile, but she was sure even he could tell how forced it was.
"What are we supposed to do now?" Rodney sighed.
Alice took in a deep breath, trying to control her racing heartbeat. "Do what we do best. Adapt." She was talking more to herself than Rodney. Placing a hand on his shoulder she gave it a small squeeze before backing away to the door. "I'll see you at the balcony."
It was surreal to see the halls so bare and derelict. The last time she'd seen them like this was the day they arrived on Atlantis. How that was three years ago, she didn't know. She looked at each face she passed, looking for one in particular. "Teyla!"
Teyla was helping one of the medics with some oxygen tanks. She said a couple of words to her, before heading over to Alice. "Is everything okay?"
Alice nodded. "I've been thinking about your offer."
—-
The doors to the balcony slid open to reveal a stunning starry sky and a glowing full moon. A light breeze swirled around Alice's hair as she stepped out to join her friends.
Elizabeth had decided they needed to have a proper goodbye to the city and Teyla and Ronon. So standing in front of a illuminated ocean was John, Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, Carson and Evan. "Alice!" Elizabeth called cheerfully.
Ducking her head shamefully she picked up the pace until she'd joined the rest of the group. "Sorry I'm late."
"Elizabeth wouldn't let us start without you." Rodney grumbled miserably looking at his empty cup.
Carson handed Alice a small empty cup and John held up a bottle of champagne. "We started this expedition with champagne, seems only right to end with it as well." He expertly popped the bottle, with only a small amount of fizz then started pouring it into everyone's outstretched glasses.
Once everyone's cups were full he dropped the bottle and lifted his own. Elizabeth drew in a breath and gazed around at them. "When we first walked through that gate three years ago, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into or if we'd even ever make it back to Earth. But I have to say these past few years have been some of the best of my life, and it's thanks to all of you. You have made this the best job ever." Elizabeth paused as she broke out into a large smile. "It's been an honour working alongside all of you." She lifted her glass up.
A lump formed in Alice's throat as she lifted her own glass, looking at the small group gathered around her. It had been almost a lifetime since she'd felt like she actually had a family, and she couldn't believe she was losing them now. Nothing would ever be the same again.
"Cheers" John said sullenly, and everyone took a sip.
Unlike the last time there wasn't any celebratory cheer or warm smiles and hugs. Instead the wind seemed to get colder and the night darker. Everyone had the same tight expression as they relished their final moments together as a member of the expedition, because as soon as the sun rose it was all over.
—-
It was about 3am when John and Alice left the balcony, and together headed back to her room for a final time.
Alice chewed the inside of her cheek, her stomach was squirming and her heart beating fast. She'd run out of time. There were no other moments left, it was time for her to tell him.
John opened the door for them and stepped aside allowing her to go through first. Alice's eyes drank in the sight of her bare room. The only furniture left was her bed, the rest of it had all been broken down and transported onto the Daedalus. She wouldn't be needing any of it now. Two duffle bags sat on the floor beside the bed.
She'd managed to slip one of John's shirts that he'd left in her drawers inside. Knowing that in the months to come it might be the only reminder that he actually existed.
Her jacket pocket felt heavy and clinked slightly as she moved towards the bed, reminding her of the small parting gift she'd decided to give to John.
"I can't believe this is it." John murmured softly, walking over to the window.
Alice felt her chest tightening and her palms suddenly felt clammy. "I'm not leaving." She blurted out in a moment of rash panic. John's entire body stiffened. She felt like slapping herself, for almost 24 hours all she'd thought about was how to bring this up and that's how her brain decided to deliver it.
"What are you talking about?"
Her breath started coming in shorter gasps. "I'm going to stay with Teyla and Ronon." She wasn't sure at first if he'd heard her because of how timid and soft her voice was.
John turned around slowy to face her. "Riles you can't stay."
Alice started trembling. "I can't go back. I can't let everything we've fought for mean nothing."
His eyes softened. "I know you want to help, but you can't save the whole galaxy."
"No. But it's better than nothing."
"Riles-"
Alice shook her head, dropping her gaze to the floor. "I can still make a difference here. So I'm going to."
"So that's it? Just like that..."
Alice raised her eyes, her throat constricted at the pain in John's face. "I'm sorry." Tears started forming
"No." John turned away from her, running a hand through his hair. "That's not good enough!" He yelled.
"John-" Alice went to step towards him.
John wheeled around, his eyes blazing. "Why didn't you say something sooner? There's more to this than you're telling me!"
Alice felt tears streaming down her face. "This had to be my decision. Not yours."
"No." John's face twisted into a grim smile. "But this decision doesn't just effect you Alice!" He turned his back to her, his hands clutching at his head. "So just like that, we're done, after everything we've been through." No matter what they'd faced or how hopeless things had seemed, she'd never heard him sound so defeated and broken. "How could you do this?"
It was like something broke inside her. Every fear, anxiety and doubt came spilling out of her. "Because as much as I love you, I can't have a future with you. Not right now. And before you say you don't want marriage or kids, one day you'll wake up and realise you want more from me. And I just can't give you that." Alice's throat hurt as she raised her voice. "And I can't bear to see your face when you realise that."
John's eyes widened. "The restaurant. The proposal. That's what triggered your anxiety attack."
Alice dropped her face to the floor. Of course he would have pulled her medical file from the Daedalus. "I'm just not ready to be someone's everything."
"You'd rather give it all up? And I don't even get a say in this?" Alice couldn't bear to look up. "Do you know how selfish that is?"
Her throat felt raw. "Maybe I just need to be selfish then. Who are you to tell me what I should do?!"
"Fine. You want to stay then stay. Don't expect me to beg you not to."
"I don't."
"Great!" He yelled and stormed out of the door.
Alice felt her knees go weak and she collapsed back onto the bed, tears pouring down her face and sobs wracking her body. It was over, she repeated over and over in her head. And he was better of without her.
There was only a few hours left before sunrise. Grabbing her blanket, she headed out of her room to the south pier. Laying it on the ground she sat down cradling her knees to her chest.
Looking out across the city she thought about everything that had happened over the past two and a bit years. They'd lost so many people, yet they'd managed to help so many people - like Mareena. There was still so much for them to do still, they'd barely made a dent in the Wraith's forces and they were just supposed to waltz back to their own galaxy like it had never happened.
This galaxy and its people relied on them. The thought of going back to Earth, of everything they'd done being for nothing seemed like too much to bear.
But then she thought of John. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. She'd never loved anyone before, not like this. It was hard for her to imagine her life without John in it.
—-
Alice stood in the doorway of her room. Two bags were packed at her feet, the room in front of her was as empty as the day they'd found it. She took in a deep breath and picked up her bags, turning the light off and heading towards the control to drop off her bags.
Everywhere people with sullen faces wrapped the last bits of equipment and moved it to the designated spots. "Here allow me to help." Teyla held her hand out for one of Alice's bags.
"Thanks." She handed her the lighter of the two and together they walked to the gateroom. "Are you all packed?"
Teyla gave her a small encouraging smile. "Yes, you can put your things with mine." Alice looked over at her friend, who was biting down on her lip. "Have you spoken to John yet?"
Alice felt a tug on her gut. "I told him last night."
Teyla must had read her expression, as she didn't ask how it went. "Ronon and I were going to head to his room after this. If you would like to come?"
"I don't think he wants to see me right now." Her stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots. She remembered the look on his face when he'd left her room last night, it wouldn't be right of her to barge in on him now.
They dropped her bags amongst Teyla and Ronon's possessions. Ronon's consisting of a single rucksack. Then Teyla opened her arms and wrapped Alice in a warm embrace. "It pains to see how much sorrow this decision has caused you."
"But I still wouldn't change it." Alice replied, smiling as she pulled back from her friend. "Go see John. I'm just going to stay here for a moment." She gazed around the gateroom.
"Alright. We'll see you soon." Teyla turned to head down the hall to the transporter.
Alice's pocket seemed to suddenly get heavier. "Teyla!" She yelled out desperately, running to catch up with her friend. "I know it's weird to ask, but would you mind slipping this into John's bag?"
Teyla looked down as Alice slipped the cold metal into her hand. Her fingers tightened over it and she smiled. "Of course."
—-
Alice stood in the corridor just off the gateroom. She watched Rodney run down the stairs and join Elizabeth, Carson and John.
"Come on." Teyla put her hand on Alice's shoulder.
Alice didn't move. "I don't think he wants me there."
"You will regret it if you don't say goodbye. Come on." Teyla reassured her and walked out towards their team.
Alice swallowed, and stamped her foot on the ground. "Come on Riley..." then she walked out to stand next to Teyla and Ronon.
"You have been good friends - to all the people of this galaxy." Teyla was smiling at Elizabeth, Rodney, Carson and John. Carson looked like he was on the verge of tears.
Hesitantly, John walked over to Teyla. Alice bowed her head, and stepped back slightly. But John didn't even glance at her. Silently he touched his forehead to Teyla's in the Athosian tradition. Out of the corner of her eye she saw John's lips move, but she was too far to hear his whispers.
Then John stepped back to the others. Alice felt like her heart had just cracked. He couldn't even look at her.
Carson, Evan and Elizabeth each said their own goodbyes and each embrace felt like a sharp stab in her heart.
"Bye." Rodney broke the silence as he waved to Alice, Teyla and Ronon.
"Goodbye." Alice smiled at her former teammate and friend, stepping forward to wrap her arms around his neck. "Stay safe Rodney."
"You too Aly." Then he turned to follow the others towards the open gate.
Tears fell freely from her eyes now, as she watched John step towards the event horizon. It took everything in her not to yell his name, tell him how sorry she was and that she would come back with him. By the time his back disappear into the puddle, she'd managed to dig her nails into her palm so hard she could feel blood pooling around them. The worst part was he hadn't even looked back.
Elizabeth though, stopped and turned back to look around her city one last time.
Then they were gone.
The gate shut down and Alice turned back to Teyla and Ronon, wiping the tears from her face. "Guess it's our turn then."
Teyla wrapped her arm around Alice's shoulder. "I'm sorry Alice."
She didn't say anything, just sniffled and walked over to the corner to grab her bags. The gate dialled and they moved in front of the event horizon. Alice looked over her shoulder, wondering if she would ever see the gateroom or John ever again.
Reluctantly, she turned let out a deep breath and stepped through the gate.
—
A/N Sorry not sorry!
There was no other way I could see this playing out in my head, given Alice's fears and insecurities - and John had to find out about them sooner or later. If only Alice was better at dealing with her emotions.
I've split these two episodes into about fpur chapters so we'll get a good idea of everything happening from Alice and John's POV.
Thanks for reading and happy new year!