Chapter 23: Return of the Prince
(Thanks so very much to everyone who gave me such loving support in writing this piece. This marks the end of the first part of this story, but part 2 is coming soon and will tell the story of Victor's return to skating after the events of this story...The Face You See Part 2: Broken Parts...As Victor and Yuuri prepare for the new skating season, something that happens at a pre-season exhibition makes it clear that Victor's comeback will be unexpectedly difficult.)
Victor waited quietly with Yuuri in the entrance to the airport as Yakov checked the two in, then guided them to a private entry to the first class boarding area. The two earned a few glances from others gathered in the waiting area, but no one approached them. Victor moved to the window to look out at the falling rain and Yuuri nuzzled under his arm to stand beside him.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked softly, "You kinda look like you're hurting a little. Maybe you should have listened to the doctors about waiting longer before flying home to Saint Petersburg."
"No," Victor answered calmly, "There's no reason to wait. It's time, Yuuri. It's time for me to go home and…"
He paused, breathing slowly and trying to ignore the lingering ache in his ribs.
"We stayed for two weeks after my confrontation with Kesha. The aches and pain will heal, and now that I know all that happened that night…now that I was able to, in some small way, take back something that was lost, I need to move on. I can't do that if I just stay here in Japan. I have to go home, and I have to go through counseling there…maybe make some kind of statement."
"Yakov said that you don't really have to do that," Yuuri reminded him, "He said that you only really needed to talk about it publicly if you think it will make you feel better…stronger."
Victor considered his words silently for a moment.
"I'm not the only person who has ever been raped or terrorized as I was," he answered finally, "And maybe now that I have some closure, I can think, not just about how talking about this can help me, I can think about how there are other people hurt by rape, by domestic violence…"
He trailed off, uncertain how to go on, but as often happened, Yuuri read with stunning accuracy the direction his thoughts were going.
"You think you might want to help other rape victims?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know yet," Victor replied, still looking out the window, "It's something my therapist in Hasetsu mentioned, and I am considering, but I think first I just need to be back in my home. I need to go there and try to figure out what is still there, and what has changed. I need to see if it's easier now to look people in the eyes, knowing that they are aware of what happened to me, and that I fought for justice."
He paused and closed his eyes, his breathing slow and measured.
"I know that you wish Kesha would have lived," Yuuri said, "and that he would have faced charges for what he did…"
"To me and to Mitka," Victor agreed, "We will never stand in a courtroom and have that kind of justice, but I have some peace in knowing that I confronted him and that he admitted in front of everyone what he did. The wire I wore contained the whole confession and the authorities in Russia, Japan and overseas were able to close the cases on my rape, on the stalker's assault in Japan, and on Mitka's rape and murder. It doesn't bring Mitka back or undo the damage to our bodies and hearts, but it is some comfort."
Yuuri gave his fiancé a sad smile and hugged him tightly.
"You were really, really brave through everything, Victor," he said, his voice choking with emotion, "Everyone said so. My family, your teammates, the police…everyone. They all know how hard this was for you. And you didn't just prove the truth of what happened for yourself, you exposed Kesha and also proved what he did to Mitka, so that Mitka's family can have some closure too. I think that's done a lot of good for you. You look better."
"I do feel better now," Victor said quietly, "at least, I feel more safe, more peaceful. I still have bad dreams, but my counselor here prepared me for when I have the ones about the rape or seeing Kesha fall like that."
"It's good that's helping," Yuuri agreed, "I wish there was more that I could do."
"You do wonders for me," Victor assured him, hugging him back, "It's amazing to me how you've supported me."
"I love you," Yuuri whispered, "Of course I'm going to do everything I can to help you."
"I know you've had your own struggles, and I haven't been able to be there for you. I promise you. Now that the worst is over, I will be a better partner for you."
"You're already the best partner, Victor!"
The two turned as the announcement was made to board their flight. Yuuri smiled and took Victor's hand in his.
"C'mon, it's time to go home."
Victor returned his smile, looking around them.
"Japan had started to feel like my home, and everyone was there for me when I needed them so much. But I won't feel right until I return to Saint Petersburg. I've been too haunted, too ashamed to go back there. Even though the rape happened overseas, it was in Saint Petersburg that the trouble really began. To go back, knowing now that it was Kesha stalking me…that while I smiled, laughed and went about my business, my old friend was watching me and making his plans. It's unnerving. He said that he meant to kill me, Yuuri. That night, if someone hadn't passed too close by, I wouldn't have lived. It's frightening to think he probably wanted you to find me there…"
"Try not to think about that," Yuuri said, squeezing his hand soothingly, "His plans didn't come to fruition. In the end, it was you who stopped him."
Victor made a soft, dismissive sound.
"It wasn't just me," he said quietly, "It was everyone. It was the drunk person who interrupted Kesha before he could kill me. It was you and Yakov who shielded me and made sure I got the medical care and counseling I needed. It was you again, and the doctor and nurse, who helped me get through the rape examination. It was our family and friends who supported me. It was the people of Hasetsu, who reached out to me when I needed them. It was all of the police officers and investigators, everyone who helped me to corner Kesha. It wasn't just me. I couldn't have done it without all of those people."
"Okay," Yuuri agreed, hugging him, "that's true, but it's also true that you were very brave, and you did make Kesha confess. And even though he's not in jail, he can't hurt anyone, anymore."
"And that is enough for me," Victor sighed.
The two boarded the plane and settled into their seats, relaxing as the doors were closed and the craft sped down the runway. As the plane lifted off, Victor gazed out the window, watching as the magical healing place called Japan grew smaller and smaller, then disappeared into the distance.
This is an important step I am taking, he thought, I did need time to heal in body and to begin to heal in spirit. I needed to feel safe, even while Kesha continued to stalk me from within the shadows. That place and the people who have always loved and supported my Yuuri…extended their love to me, and I will forever be grateful. I have all I need now to find my center and take my next steps forward.
I do know as I proceed, that there is no going back. I will never be exactly the person I was before the rape. That person was changed, and has evolved through suffering, through counseling and reflection, and through facing the fears that made me sometimes feel frozen in place. I just…worry about those first steps. When I exit the plane and take my first steps towards our home, what will that be like? Will I have to feel people watching me with those sympathetic eyes, or can they ever look at me with admiration and affection, the way they did before?
His head dropped onto Yuuri's comforting shoulder, and a warm hand found his and held it as he drifted off. The gentle buzz of soft voices and little white noises helped him to sleep peacefully as the jet crossed over the water and back to his homeland. He woke halfway through the flight to eat, then he walked to the restroom to relieve himself before washing his hands and running a wet paper towel over his face. He looked into the mirror, trying to see what others might when they looked at him.
There is something different, something about my eyes. I wonder if it's only me now who notices. I think it's from having gone to a very dark place and having come back again. It's not sadness exactly. Maybe it's a mark of new wisdom, of experience that was painful, but that somehow made me stronger than I was. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, or if it's somewhere in the middle. I just know it is.
He left the bathroom and found Yuuri waiting outside.
"Sorry," he said, blushing, "I…you were gone for kind of a long time."
Victor smiled.
"It's okay for you to be worried about me," he reassured his anxious partner, giving Yuuri a warm kiss and a hug, "I don't like worrying you, but it does feel good to know you love me that much."
"I really do," Yuuri agreed, squeezing him and burrowing into his shoulder, "Are you okay, Vitya?"
Victor's smile warmed and brought a happy flush to Yuuri's cheeks.
"I am," the Russian skater answered, nodding, "I really feel okay right now. I don't know about five minutes from now, but we'll take that as it comes."
"All right."
The two returned to their seats and Yuuri curled up against Victor's shoulder, dozing. Victor's fingers caressed his hair tenderly and a little smile graced the Japanese skater's lips as he dropped off to sleep again. Unable to sleep, Victor looked quietly out the window, watching as they passed over sea and land, until they reached the edges of Saint Petersburg and the plane began it's descent. Yuuri woke and held Victor's hand, saying nothing as the plane made it's landing and the time came for them to disembark.
The terminal was bustling as they retrieved their luggage, then headed out to the arrivals waiting area. To their surprise, the area was lined with people, many of whom held signs or banners.
Welcome home, Victor!
Welcome back. We missed you!
Stammi Vicino!
We LOVE you!
Victor paused, blinking and gazing at them for a moment, then his smile widened and he gave the waiting crowd a charismatic wink.
"Victor, how does it feel to arrive home to such a greeting?" called out a waiting reporter.
"It's amazing," Victor answered, "I am so grateful. Thank you all."
He walked down the aisle created by the cheering crowd, his hand extending to touch or take hold of some of the many offered to him. A little flicker of anxiety welled up in his chest, but he breathed in deeply, feeling the intensity of the love that surrounded him.
It is no cure for what happened, and it holds no guarantee of safety, but there is comfort in not feeling alone.
He and Yuuri worked their way to a waiting car and climbed inside, waving at the adoring crowd. They found Maccachin waiting inside with their bodyguard.
"Thank you for picking him up," Victor said gratefully, "Come here, Macca. Look, we're almost home."
The two skaters held each other quietly as their home appeared ahead of them and the car pulled into the driveway. They left the car and walked to the front door. Victor opened it, and they stepped inside. Victor turned on the lights.
"It looks just like we left it," he commented, wondering if it was a good thing or a sad one.
"C'mon," Yuuri said, offering him a welcoming kiss, "it's good to be home, isn't it?"
"Yes," Victor agreed, "Yes, it is."
Victor touched the flashing button on his answering machine, and he and Yuuri exchanged glances as Yakov's stern voice sounded.
"Victor, now that you are back, you'll need to come an hour early for morning practice to make time to get your programs done."
"An hour early every day?" Yuuri said, arching an eyebrow.
"Don't think for a moment I'm going to let you slack off. You've done enough of that and it's time for you to get serious if you want to compete!"
"He isn't even back yet and he's already nagging me," Victor chuckled, "I'm impressed."
"I guess some things never change," Yuuri giggled as the old skating coach continued scolding them on the answering machine.
"You know," Victor said, his eyes affectionate, "I'm really glad for that."
"Yeah," Yuuri agreed, "me too."