She's been sitting on the porch swing for at least an hour with a cup of tea in her hands and the purring cat to her feet. Finally it's getting dark enough to see the stars. It's a clear night.

She was hoping that the fresh country air would make her feel better but she had no idea that the cold or the flu or whatever it was would disappear within hours.

She's been to her aunt Kathrin's ranch for two days and she has never felt better.

Well, at least physically. Not emotionally.

Today she spent all day outside following her cousin Eli wherever he went. She was also being helpful of course. But mostly she felt like a child, asking him all those question about ranching and their horses.

It's been forever that she visited them. Last time she must have been a teenager because Eli was still a shy, little boy. She almost didn't recognize him. He's almost twenty and a strong young man now. She has no idea why she waited for so long.

It's peaceful here. Hard work, but peaceful. Exactly what she needed to clear her thoughts.

In fact, her thoughts are so clear that the bad conscience starts kicking in. She was already feeling heavyhearted when she drove all the way to her aunt's ranch in Arizona. But mostly she was feeling numb, so she was able to ignore the bad conscience.

That's a lie.

She couldn't ignore it. She's just been trying to push the guilt away. It has been nagging at her since the moment she left that stupid little note at her door only to be found by a clueless Santana.

If she already found it? What did she think when she was reading it? Does she hate Brittany now?

With every mile Brittany put between herself and Santana, she felt guiltier but at the same time it became easier not to turn around and go back. It's for the best anyways.

How can she give Santana what she deserves? She deserves someone who's one hundred percent ready for her. Someone she can rely on. In every situation. Someone who can talk about their feelings, the development of their relationship, just anything that is going on. Someone who can say the words "I love you" back.

Because she does. She loves Santana. She's known it for a long time but she can't say it. It scares her and she doesn't know why.

Sometimes Brittany can't even form a proper sentence when it comes to her own job - something she's good at. So how can she do better when it comes to talking about feelings and fears and desires and everything that goes with a relationship?

How can she be a good girlfriend if communication is the key? It's a fact.

But she… she's not good at any of those things. She'll rather spend the rest of her life alone, so she doesn't have to face those challenges – she's going to fail any way. Why waste the time? It'll be easier this way. For everyone.

She could imagine working on a ranch like this for a while and then maybe… just stay. Stay away from relationships. From heartache. Suffering and causing heartache.

Her business can wait. Or she can be a landscaper out here. There must be ranches with gardens all over everywhere. Just because she didn't see a single other one while driving out here, doesn't mean they aren't there. Or so…

No one would mind anyway.

Ok Santana would mind… she definitely would. But she will understand eventually. She'll be thankful even. Because Brittany is preventing her from making a huge mistake. Having a relationship with her would be a mistake.

Then again… who is she kidding? Of course she can't just stay here and hide forever. She has to go back. Santana must have so many questions. Like why did Brittany leave? Who does she think she is to leave Santana clueless?

Or maybe she'll ask why they had to fall in love in the first place when Brittany isn't ready to be in love… ready to go further than dating?

"May I join you for a while?"

Brittany lifts her head to find aunt Kathrin standing on the porch. There's a cup of tea in her hands, too and a warm smile on her face. With one look into her face you can tell that she works outside every day. Her cheeks are reddened.

Brittany scoots over to let her aunt sit down on the swing next to her. With an exhausted sigh, Kathrin takes a seat. The cat immediately jumps into her lap which makes her spill some of the tea. Kathrin giggles when she pats the cat's head.

"Silly kitten" She mumbles. Brittany grins. It's been a while that she's seen aunt Kathrin but she has always felt very welcome and comfortable around her.

"Brittany" Kathrin begins. "How are you? When you arrived you looked so pale and exhausted. Which is normal when having a fever, I guess. But I was worried. I wouldn't have let you drive all the way by yourself if I had known that you were sick. It was quite irresponsible to drive for several hours, don't you agree?"

Brittany nods. Her aunt is right. But she didn't know what else to do.

"Oh aunt Kathrin. I'm sorry… you're right. I've been longing to see you guys. I really wanted to go somewhere far away from home. Just for a short while. Now that I'm here, I don't really know why. I'm completely lost."

Aunt Kathrin carefully nudges Brittany's shoulder.

"What's causing that sorrowful look on your face then?" She wants to know. Brittany shrugs hesitantly. "I've known you since you were a little child, Brittany. Now, I also know that you're not exactly an open book. But I want you to know that sometimes just talking about something, suddenly makes it all a little bit clearer. A little less frightening."

Brittany manages to give her aunt an honest smile.

"Thank you. It turns out I'm not so great at talking about what is going on."

Aunt Kathrin's soft laughter fills her ears.

"That's why I'm asking you. If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say you have a heartache."

Brittany's eyes shoot up to her aunt's friendly face. "Don't be so surprised. We have seasonal workers here all the time. You don't know how many broken hearts I've seen. It turns out I'm pretty good at giving advice. Or just listening. So if you want to… I'm here."

Brittany can't help but smile when her aunt squeezes her hand.

It's weird… she has never quite known how to talk to her parents about her – love life. Even if she didn't exactly have one.

She loves her parents. She really does. But talking to them about girls? It wasn't something that crossed her mind when she was a teenager. Or ever. She had Dom from early on. That was enough.

Looking back, it probably wasn't enough. Nor was she enough for him.

But they found each other because they were similar. They didn't push each other to open up about feelings. It's not like they didn't talk to each other at all about stuff. They could and still can talk about anything. They just don't always do it.

"I…" Brittany starts tentatively. "Can't believe that there is someone who wants to be with me. Like for real. Someone who's so amazing and definitely certain steps ahead of me. While I'm just… weird in so many ways. She's…" Brittany trails off when she thinks about Santana and what she might be doing right at this moment. "The first person to make me doubt that the single life is the best life you can live. That's what I thought and enjoyed for so long, you know? And then she walks into my life and… turns everything upside down."

Aunt Kathrin makes a humming noise, listening to Brittany's words.

"That doesn't actually sound like a heartbreak. It sounds like you're happy. What is the matter then? Why are you here instead of home with this special lady? Does she have a name by the way?"

Brittany chuckles after taking a sip of her tea. The cup is still warm in her hands. Just like her heart when she thinks of her.

"Her name is Santana. She's… God she's so beautiful. I'm pretty sure she's the most beautiful woman to walk on earth. No seriously – you haven't seen a woman that beautiful, aunt Kathrin."

"Well now you've made me curious. Do you have a photo of her?"

Brittany can't believe she doesn't have one in her phone. She'd give a lot to look at her now.

"No… unfortunately not." Brittany mumbles.

"That's too bad. But you're avoiding my question. Why are you here, so many miles away from home?"

Brittany huffs.

"Because I'm an idiot! There's no other explanation than me being a complete, incapable, stupid, cowardly idiot." Brittany blurts. "And childish! I decided to run away and die alone instead of maybe risking something for a chance."

Aunt Kathrin shakes her head.

"That's a little overdramatic if you're asking me. But yes - running away is probably never a good idea, is it?" She asks but it's rather a statement than a question. "Maybe you should try to make it up to her? Ask her to join us for a couple days. Take some time just the two of you together out here. Maybe she likes horse riding? You could ask her for a second chance. Prove that you're way more than at a loss for words."

Brittany's heart aches at the thought. She doesn't think she deserves a second chance. Let alone know what to do with it. Hi Santana, do you want to ride into the sunset with me and forget that I'm an incompetent loser?

She sighs audibly.

"That's maybe a good idea." She mutters without too much hope. Aunt Kathrin pats Brittany's knee before using it to pull herself up on her feet.

"Alright. Just give yourself a little push. Ask her to come here so we can all see the most beautiful woman to walk on earth."

She winks at Brittany, then wishes her a goodnight and disappears in the house with the cat on her arm.

Brittany leans back in the swing to look up to the stars once more.

There's the shopping cart. She doesn't even have to look for it. It's right there, twinkling down at her. It's almost like Ursa Major is telling Brittany that – yes – the stars keep shining even when you're a little lost.

The next day she can't stop thinking about what aunt Kathrin said to her. Maybe Brittany needs to just do it. Invite Santana for a short vacation. They could do something light like going for a walk or a horse ride. Brittany could sincerely apologize to Santana. Not just a "sorry my bad" but a heartfelt apology. With sunsets and horses and rose petals and candles? Too much?

Just the horses and the candles. No, that wouldn't be a smart combination. Roses and sunsets.

Just the horses. Animals have a calming aura. They'd help Brittany feeling calm.

"Ugh that's just crap!" Brittany shakes her head at her stupid thoughts. The horses aren't going to magically make everything better.

Plus, who says that Santana even wants to come here? Maybe she's so mad at Brittany that she never wants to speak to her again? Let alone go on a five-hour road trip.

"Yes, lots of it. You're not supposed to stare at it but also put it into the bucket I gave you." Eli's voice surprises her from behind.

Brittany turns around to find her cousin also standing in the horse barn with a pitchfork in his hand.

"But you're lucky" he continues. "This is the last one and I'm here to help. Afterwards we're having dinner. Mom made her famous meatloaf. Do you remember it?"

Brittany does. The prospect of getting to eat aunt Kathrin's delicious meatloaf would normally make her want to jump with excitement. But she's got no appetite. She hasn't had it since the moment she left home.

"Thanks, Eli. I can't wait." She mumbles while getting back to work next to her cousin.

There's a feeling inside her chest that she has never had before. It's like a heavy band clasping her heart, making it impossible to beat easily.

Something that tells her she shouldn't be here. Even if she needed it.

It's a lovely dinner. Aunt Kathrin has once again completely outdone herself. There's meatloaf, mashed potatoes, self-made bread, vegetables, yummy sauces and a huge cake waiting in the kitchen to be eaten for dessert.

Brittany can't remember the last time she had such a big family dinner. There's aunt Kathrin and her husband Timothy, Brittany's cousin Eli and his new girlfriend as well as two staff members who are currently employed on the big ranch, plus two tourists that are staying at one of the guest cabins these days.

There's so much laughing and babbling going on that Brittany's muteness isn't striking any attention. She's sitting there between her cousin and one of the workers, picking at her delicious food but not able to eat it.

She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be here at all.

Yes, she made the decision and yes it's too late to drive back now. She'd have to drive during the night. She could leave in the morning but then aunt Kathrin would be so disappointed. Showing up here after such a long time, just to say goodbye right away?

But she can't help but feel like there's another reason she shouldn't be here, apart from owing Santana the apology of the century.

What if something happened to Santana and that's why Brittany hasn't heard from her? There's a possibility that she found the note and is respecting Brittany's wishes… but what if she didn't find it?

Would Kurt tell Dom so Dom could call Brittany? Does she even have signal out here?

Brittany closes her eyes for a moment. She listens to the laughter at the table, the noises coming from the television across the room, the clinking of glasses and plates…

Suddenly she senses heat spreading across her face, her heartrate speeding up without warning.

Her hands feel weird. Almost numb, like they're not attached to her body. If she doesn't get up on her feet right now, she's going to pass out or throw up any second.

"I'll be right back" She manages to say towards Eli before getting up and hurrying out of the dining room.

Luckily the first door she reaches leads outside onto the porch. She stumbles until she can steady herself on the railing. She breathes heavily three or four times. The fresh air immediately makes her feel a little bit easier. But her legs still act like they're about to give in.

Brittany looks up to the sky to find the one thing that will make her calm right now. But she gets disappointed. She can't see one single star. It's cloudy up there.

Her head lowers until she's gazing at her hands that aren't trembling anymore.

At least one thing.

She takes another few deep breaths. Once she has pulled herself together she goes back inside with shaky legs. But when she enters the dining room she freezes. The band that was squeezing her heart yesterday sinks lower to her guts weighing heavily like a rock now.

She stares at the tv. Just like the others.

It's dead silent.

The screen gets enlightened with such a fiery orange you almost want to narrow your eyes although it's just on the tv. It's not real. It's not here.

"Where-"

"Shh!"

Her attempt gets hushed. The voice of the anchor woman, as well as the white letters running below answer her question. At a single stroke her nervousness and fears get confirmed.

Santana is in danger. And Brittany is over three hundred miles away from her.

"Brittany don't be unreasonable – you can drive first thing in the morning!"

"What if it's too late then?"

"It's not going to be too late but it's going to be irresponsible if you leave now. You need to sleep first and then-"

"Aunt Kathrin, there's no way that I can sleep tonight. Santana isn't picking up the phone, neither is her friend Kurt. I don't have her sister's number – I have to go back right now."

"Sweetheart" Brittany was just about to leave the cabin she's slept at for the past two nights but aunt Kathrin is holding her back by the elbow. "I don't want you to get into a car accident because you fell asleep behind the wheel."

Brittany shakes her head. She knows her aunt is worried. But Brittany is beyond worried about Santana. She can't be here and count the hours of not hearing from her.

The wildfires must have broken out this morning and spread within hours. She hasn't checked any news and her phone has had the worst connection out here on the ranch.

There's always a chance that something like this could happen. Now it did and she has been nothing but oblivious.

While she mucked out the stables and got served delicious meatloaf afterwards, Santana went through the maybe scariest hours of her life. The shock of hearing it on the radio. The evacuation. She definitely evacuated. She must have. The fires didn't break out that close to Santana's area but it's still the best thing to evacuate early. The winds are hazardous.

She's probably with her sister Loretta or maybe Dom and Kurt called her and picked her up or something. They all live in a neighborhood further away. It's just Santana up in the hills. They definitely offered her to stay at one of their places.

"It's for the best, Brittany" Aunt Kathrin pats her shoulder. Brittany blinks at her. It feels like slow motion. She shakes her head again.

The best thing would have been to never take a few days off. To just stay there. Be with Santana.

"Kathrin" Brittany's throat is dry. "Please don't be mad at me. You don't have to be worried – I'll take breaks, ok? I'll make sure to drive safely all the time. I'll get there in one piece. I'll call you as soon as I know more."

She leans in to give her aunt a quick but tight hug. Aunt Kathrin holds her close. Then she lets her go. Brittany storms out of the cabin.

She has never run so fast in her life to get to her car. It's parked far away down the road because she didn't want to burst in with her truck and all the animals around. So she runs.

Even if there's an almost six-hour drive ahead of her. She can only drive as fast as it's safe.

But she can run now to win at least a tiny amount of time.

When she finally reaches her truck, she realizes that someone must have been running behind her. She throws her bag into the back of the truck, then turns around to see who just called her name.

It's Eli. With something in his hand.

"Brittany wait! I'm coming with you!"

Brittany shakes her head vehemently. She doesn't have time for this. She loves her cousin but he needs to just let her go without making a scene. This isn't like in one of those movies where the other one won't let you drive unless you take them with you because they're stubborn.

"Eli go back! Seriously I have to leave right now. Please don't hold me back."

Eli comes to a halt on the other side of the truck, the hood between them. Her cousin props himself on it to take a much needed breath from running.

"I'm not holding you back, I'm helping you!"

"God, Eli!" Brittany whines. "You can't help me – I just need to drive home. Please, your mom will be so mad at you for running after me."

Eli crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"There's no chance I'm letting you drive alone. You're not focused which is understandable. Yet it's dangerous and you're my cousin. We haven't seen each other in a long time but we're family." Brittany shakes her head unable to say anything. "Please, Brittany. This way we can take turns at driving. I'll do the first half because I'm local around here. You take over as soon as I get tired. When we get to Newport Beach I'll let you do your thing. I won't put myself in danger. It's just for the driving part."

Brittany opens her mouth to speak. She stares at her cousin. At the little boy he used to be. He's dead serious. And so is she.

"I'm leaving now, Eli. Thank you for wanting to help me. I really appreciate it but I can't."

She opens the door and jumps into the driver's seat. Once she has started the engine and wants to turn the car around, Eli lifts his hand so she can finally see what he's been holding in it.

It's her wallet.

His voice sounds damped through the windows.

"You won't get far without this. Unless you have a never-ending gas tank. Scoot over." He shrugs. Like it's the most logical thing to do.

Brittany huffs. It is like one of those movies.

"Your mom is going to rip off my head when she realizes you're gone." She says loudly.

Eli nods. Then walks over to the driver's door.

"I don't care" He says when he opens it. His hidden grin makes Brittany exhale a shaky breath before she does as she's told. She jumps over to the passenger seat, letting Eli take over.

"Together we can make it in five hours, maybe a little less. Don't worry. Everything's going to be ok." He says when he maneuvers the car into the other direction. Then he steps on the gas.

Santana's POV

It must be in the middle of the night when Santana wakes up. She turns onto her back and stares at the ceiling of her bedroom.

When she touches her neck and chest, she sighs. Again, her shirt is soaked. Her head is buzzing, her throat still sore and it looks like she just gained a mean cough when she breaks into a coughing fit.

This must be the same thing that Brittany had.

The woman maybe ran away without saying goodbye but at least she left Santana something. The bloody flu.

She's not often sick. Sure, she gets migraines from time to time or a little sniffly when she falls asleep with wet hair. But this? This is insane. She can hardly breathe through her nose. When she swallows it's like someone's stuffing a blade down her throat.

She would have gone to the doctor but she doesn't trust her own driving skills at the moment. Kurt has been absorbed with work and Loretta joined Eric on a trip to Europe for his new business. Well. At least that's what she said on the phone. Maybe Eric is also fleeing and needed her moral support.

Santana doesn't know if Eric told Loretta. She didn't mention it on the phone…

Santana just wants to forget about it, too.

So she didn't go see the doctor and instead sulked in misery alone. She's been withdrawing herself completely for the past two days. With tea, snacks and warm socks she's been hiding in her bedroom, watched three dvds in a row but mostly slept for hours to recover. And to forget about how stupid she feels.

What she can't forget about though, is the fact that Brittany is somewhere far away right now, doing only God knows what.

Maybe flirting with some country girl in a lonely bar. Fine… she can do whatever she wants.

She obviously hasn't been ready for what it was between them. Or maybe still is… just because you put physical distance behind you, doesn't mean everything is forgotten. Absence makes the heart grow fonder my ass. As a matter of fact – Santana is going to make it hard on Brittany if the blonde ever decides to drive her butt back here in order to apologize.

Not that she's expecting too much from the blonde. Not anymore.

It's her own fault. She knew from the beginning that Brittany wasn't heading into the same direction. She told Santana that. She wasn't interested in a relationship.

But of course, Santana had to be like: What was that? A hard-to-get-case? Let me just roll up my sleeves and get right into it. I'll make it happen nevertheless.

Just because you fall in love doesn't mean that both are able to give the same thing. To provide what the other wants. She really needs to get that into her head.

Santana's eyes wander from the ceiling to the wall across from her bed. There's a dresser with some personal belongings of immeasurable value. Her eyes have gotten used to the darkness, so she can see them.

An old alarm clock from her grandfather. A snow globe she bought with her first pocket money. A framed picture of herself, Loretta and their mother.

It was taken at a time where things were still ok. Maybe it also just seemed so. Santana is only twelve in that picture. They're all laughing at each other. She doesn't remember everything about that day but the four of them went to the zoo. Santana and Loretta's dad wanted to take a picture of them with his new camera.

Their mother and them were standing near the dromedary camels with their smiles becoming cramped because it took so long until their dad had figured everything out. One of the camels made a funny noise which caused them to break into laughter. That's when the camera finally worked and caught the moment.

It's the only picture of her family that Santana framed and put somewhere she can see it every day.

She prefers to hang up paintings anyway. They're timeless. Photographs will only ever portray the past.

Her eyes then gaze at the newest painting. She hasn't decided where to hang it so it's just leaning against the wall. Waiting…

She was the one to reserve it with a small red dot as soon as she saw it for the first time. Even if it's dark right now she can see that it's not just blue. The moonlight throws itself at it, proving that it's so much more.

When she sits up in bed to hopefully breathe better, she wonders what that noise is. It must come from outside. Or maybe somewhere above her house? Is there an animal walking on her roof?

But it's more like a crackling.

With that thought she shoots up in bed. Her heart immediately starts racing uncontrollably. Her senses are all on high alert when she jumps to the big window.

She screams when she gets to see the roof of her neighbor's house on fire.

"Oh my-" Her words get lost somewhere in her throat. She swallows them drily. For two seconds she's completely paralyzed. Her body can't make a move. What happened? Did something explode in there?

She has to help them – what does she do? She runs across the room, into the bathroom to get her phone that she left there and wants to dial 911.

No battery. It's completely dead. She hasn't looked at it since yesterday morning. When she turns around to get a better view from the bathroom window, she nearly collapses. Her stomach drops in free fall. It's not just the neighbor's house.

It's the hills.

"Ok, ok, stay calm" She tells herself when everything has dawned on her. "What do you do?" She asks although she knows that no one will answer. There's not too much time but she's not going to allow herself to break into panic.

Panic doesn't help.

A clear head will.

She rushes back to the bedroom to quickly gather her thoughts. It's too late to try and safe things. Or isn't it?

She definitely needs to run over to her neighbors first thing because if they haven't woken up by now-

She hurries downstairs, grabs her emergency supply kit that is always ready in the closet next to the front door, slips into a pair of shoes and then looks around in her living room.

Do you turn the lights off or leave them on when you evacuate? Shut the windows or leaves them wide open? No, the wind needs to stay outside.

How does she shut off the gas? Don't you have to put a ladder against the roof so firefighters can reach it? But there are flammable items in her garden, maybe she should put them inside to keep the danger lower?

No – the neighbors! She decides to leave the lights on but shuts the front door behind herself. She reaches into her emergency bag to get a bandana out. There is no time to look around too much - smoke fills her lungs within seconds and heat bites her cheeks. Quickly she wraps the bandanna around her head, then drops the bag next to her car that is waiting in the drive way.

Just when she starts running into her neighbor's direction she remembers. They're not here. They've been on vacation. They're not here, they're not in danger – she is. She needs to leave this place because she knows that right now she's on her own. Her neighbors are the only ones near her. Loretta isn't coming to get her.

So she runs the short way back to the car. She opens the door and wants to get in.

But she can't. She stares at her house.

Is this happening?

There's absolutely no time to save it. It's still there with everything that belongs to it. With a huge amount of luck, it'll still be here tomorrow.

Her hopes get crushed when she hears a cracking noise coming from the neighbor's house followed by an earsplitting bang that scares her beyond anything.

It pushes her to get into the car and start the engine. With nothing but her emergency bag she drives off, hoping that there's going to be a way.

There is always going to be a way.

She doesn't get far though.

Because she should have taken the car to the mechanic months ago. She just didn't think it was that urgent.

The car breaks down after only half a minute of driving. She manages to steer it on the side of the road. Nothing. Just like her phone.

She thinks for a moment. She's pretty sure her house is the last one. There's nothing but dried-out vegetation beyond it. No one is going to come down and drive by.

She could go back to the house and wait. Pray for the best.

She could go by foot.

Or she could… take Brittany's bike!

Quickly she grabs the bag, leaves the car and starts running.

If she thought breathing was hard because of her stuffy nose – she was wrong. Her illness is completely forgotten anyway. The smoke seems to fill her insides with every breath she takes.

But she's not going to let that stop her. She reaches her house breathing heavily, ignoring the bloody taste in her throat. Her garage door opens painfully slow. That's where she put Brittany's bike. Brittany must have stormed off and left it there when she came over and Eric opened the door.

Santana puts the bag around her neck, grabs the bike and puts everything into her last chance of making it out of this inferno.

Embers land on her arms when she's riding. She's had several coughing fits because they're back full force.

The positive thinking from earlier is basically gone. It feels like she's the last person on this earth. Everybody around here must have been on time to leave. Because they didn't hunker down in their bedroom.

She's the last one and no one is coming. It's all happening too fast to come and look for her.

She stops the bike and throws a look over her shoulder. She hasn't gotten anywhere. Or maybe she has but she just can't tell as it's too smoky to see how far she's come. But she simply can't go on. Her lungs are burning. The bandana isn't even helping.

The flu is weakening her just as much as the hot air and the bad vision. Her head is throbbing. She should have jumped into a pool along the way or something. Waited for help.

She can barely see. There's no way she's going to make it all the way down to the city. To Kurt's apartment maybe. She's scared. That it'll be the wrong decision. She can't tell if the roads are clear. Or if it'll be impossible.

She hops down from the bike and puts it on the ground at the side of the road. She sinks on her knees once again getting overpowered by a coughing fit.

She can't take it. Maybe she should go back and cover herself in wet blankets.

Or she could break into a house and look for a phone… or just sit here and wait. Or lie down for one minute to catch her breath and then start riding again.

She narrows her eyes. They're so dry. She's probably making it up in her mind. She's alone.

But there's clearly something ahead of her. Two tiny spots. Yellow circles coming closer drastically fast.

A truck.

It's definitely a truck.

Santana tries to get up on her feet and wave but her body gives in once and for all.

She puts her life into the stranger's hand.