A/N: Spoilers for episode 9 of season 15
Living on a Prayer
The dead leaves crunched under Dean's feet. His legs grew tired from walking in what felt like circles. "Cas!" He called out. He needed to find him he had to find the angel. His chest ached from fear and worry. He paused and leaned up against a tree. He choked back a sob. He had cried so much already. He had so much left to say to Cas. He licked his lips and looked at his watch. He had to get back to the rift Michael opened he was running out of time.
He rested his arm on the tree and his head the crook of his elbow. He sobbed. He felt like his soul was being ripped from his body. He had to leave Cas in Purgatory. If Cas was even still alive that is. He sobbed. What if Castiel was dead? What if he was searching for nothing? He sniffled. He had apologized to him and he meant it, but he still had so much to say. He licked his lips he started to open his mouth but he couldn't do it. "Coward." He said to himself. He dried his tears. He had to leave. Even if it was without Castiel he had to go.
The leaves crunched under him as he kept going. He looked around for any sign of the angel. "Cas!" He screamed. He knew that he was drawing attention to himself. He knew that the monsters of Purgatory could come running out any minute looking for a fight. He kept going forward. He had to get out. Sam and Eileen were in danger and neither knew they went to Purgatory to start with. If he got out and saved them maybe he could summon Michael and get him to reopen the portal so he could save Cas. He was doing a lot of hoping now.
He stumbled against a tree he could see the portal. He looked at his watch time was almost up. He closed his eyes and muttered. "Cas, buddy, I'm so sorry. I didn't want it to end like this I… I have so much left to say…" He swallowed hard. "Come on, Dean." He said to himself. He closed his eyes and began to speak. "Cas, I lo-"
"Dean!"
The words were forgotten lost in the wind and the dying ground. He turned so fast he almost made himself dizzy. "Cas!" he called out
"Dean, I'm here."
He spotted the figure by the tree. Injured but intact. "Cas!" He shouted. He ran up to his friend as the other man started to stand up. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. This was Cas. His body wanted to melt into Castiel's arms. "Did they take you to Eve?" He asked as he pulled away.
He shook his head. "We were en route when I saw this." He pulled out a Leviathan blossom. "It got a little squashed."
Dean smiled. He had Cas and the blossom. He looked into his blue eyes. "Cas, I need to tell you something,"
"I heard your prayer." He cut him off. "Let's go."
The two of them headed through the portal. Dean knew he wanted to say more to him. He watched him as they made the spell. Castiel's big blue eyes, his full lips, his long lashes; to Dean he was the full package. He mentally sighed. He wished he had the courage to outright fucking say what he wanted to. Castiel needed to know. Today was a close call. He almost lost him again. He had been battling with his feelings for years. He would work up the courage to tell him then whatever reason he would chicken out. He watched Castiel as the angel went to slice his hand for the spell.
"Are you sure?" He asked him
He looked up at him. "You have already bared the mark." He responded.
Dean felt his heart sink as he watched the blood drip into the bowl. What if Purgatory was his last chance? Cas was taking on the mark who knows how he will be afterward. Will he still be Cas? "Cas," he started
The angel looked at him; his head tilted he held the ball in his hand that was the spell. "We need to go and end this." He placed the object in his hand. "You or Sam need to break this to complete the spell."
Dean took it. It felt heavy like his regrets for withholding his feelings for Castiel. No, he had to save Sam and stop Chuck then he could confess to Castiel.
Dean stared at his drink. They were back at the Bunker. They didn't trap Chuck and now Sam was saying goodbye to Eileen. He looked over at Castiel who stared at his own drink. His face unreadable. He opened his mouth to speak when Sam walked into the kitchen. Dean looked up at his little brother. Sam looked defeated. It broke his heart he hadn't seen him this depressed in a while.
"I'm sorry." Sam started. "I believed what Chuck showed me and… I don't regret my decision."
He had made a promise to himself after the prayer to Castiel to work on his anger. He nodded at his brother. "That's good enough for me."
Sam smiled faintly. He looked over at Castiel and smiled again. "I'm going to turn in. It's been a long day." He patted Castiel on the shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen.
Dean frowned. Whatever Chuck had shown Sam it must have been bad. He wanted to talk to him about it but it could wait until Sam was ready. He wasn't going to force him to relive it so soon. His eyes fell on Castiel. "I…"
The angel looked at him. His face bore an expression of love and admiration. Dean's heart leaped to his throat. How can one person hold so much on him with one look?
"I am glad you didn't have to take on the mark of Cain." He said which wasn't what he was going to say originally
He nodded. "As am I. I…" he rubbed his arm. "I might have been able to hold it off for a few years but…" he sighed. "Dean, I would eventually succumb to it… I wouldn't have wanted you to see that."
He nodded. "Yeah… maybe Sam is right. We can't kill Chuck or trap him." He sighed. "We'll figure it out. We always do." He felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder.
"I umm, accept your apology." Dean could see him blush somewhat.
He rested his hand on Castiel's on his shoulder. "Good, because I was a dick and I know that I didn't mean to lash out it just happens."
"I… I got the sense that you had more to tell me." Castiel lead him up to the conversation. "I had thought that you had wanted to apologize in person but I could sense you're longing to say something else."
Dean looked at the hand on his shoulder. He picked up his drink and drunk it in one shot. "Cas, I…" he sighed. "Why is this so hard?" he shook his head. "Cas, I love you." He grumbled it out feeling as though the words didn't want to come out of his mouth. "That's what I wanted to tell you. Hell, I wanted to tell you for a long time but I was afraid of… I don't know but you deserve to know. I love you."
He smiled. "Dean, I,"
"And before we have any confusion I mean I am in love with you, okay?"
Castiel got up from his chair. Dean had a flash of fear of rejection when the angel got closer to him. He cupped his face. Dean forgot how to breathe as Castiel sat on his lap.
"Cas, what are you do-"Words were cut off as Castiel laid his lips on his. Dean's eyes shot open unsure of what to do. His body finally relaxed. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Castiel's large frame. They sat in the chair like that exchanging kisses back and forth. Dean's heart melted. He could feel his love pouring through for Castiel. The angel moaned in his mouth. Their mouths parted as they kissed. It was the hottest kiss Dean had ever had in his life.
The angel pulled away first. His mouth mere inches from his. "I love you too, Dean." He sighed. He rested his head on Dean's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his waist. "I have loved you for so long now."
Dean blinked. He nestled his face in Castiel's hair. "I love you, Castiel." He said again. His heart felt lighter like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "I love you so much."
Castiel lifted his head and looked into his eyes. "So, what now?" he asked his face red-tinted.
He held his face. "What do you want?" He asked.
He smiled. "I want to be with you forever, Dean." He said. He looked away as sadness crossed his face. Forever had two different meanings for them since one was a human and one was an angel. Hell, they may not even survive this whole thing with Chuck. Castiel kissed his cheek. "Forever," He said softly.
Dean sighed. "I can't promise forever but, how about we make the most out of the time we do have?" He suggested.
"Sounds good, Dean." He climbed off of his lap and held out his hand for him.
Dean took his hand and he stood up. He immediately wrapped his arms around Castiel and covered his lips with his own. Now that he had him he didn't want to let go. He kissed him. He kissed away all the fears and doubts they both had. If Castiel wanted forever he would do his best to give him forever. Dean nodded towards the hall where their rooms were. "Want to continue this in private?" he asked
Castiel smiled. "I thought you would never ask." He said with a wink. The angel wrapped his arm around Dean protectively.
Dean looked up at Castiel as they walked down the hall. He felt hopeful. They could do it they could beat Chuck and Dean could give Castiel forever. He opened his bedroom door. Castiel picked him up and carried him into the room. They covered each other in kisses. The night was theirs. This was a moment eleven years in the making and Dean couldn't wait to experience all of it. He would make this moment and this love last forever somehow.