It turns out that discussing your findings in a meeting that could take upwards of an hour out in the freezing cold is a piss-poor idea.
Fumiko meets up with Kiyoshi outside of the school. He waves her over and proudly holds up a composition notebook. She asks him if he'd seriously taken notes on the matter, and he shies back with embarrassment, admitting he'd wanted to take this seriously seeing as how it had seemed so important to her.
She calls him a dork and gives him a quick thanks. He asks her how she's feeling, and she admits, "Pretty good, actually. You?"
Kiyoshi shrugs. "Good as I can be."
Before they can dig into his findings for real, however, they realize just how cold it is outside. Fumiko grits her teeth and tries to bear it, seeing as how this is sort of a big deal, but the minute she catches Kiyoshi shivering as he attempts to ply his notebook open she changes her mind.
She grabs his hand and drags him towards the school.
"We're discussing this inside."
"What? But-? Someone might hea-"
"Don't worry. I have an idea."
Fumiko sincerely doubts anyone - even Nagisa, will be at the school an hour early, but better safe than sorry. Kiyoshi's right. She doesn't want anyone overhearing this. Not yet. Instead, she leads the two of them straight towards the teacher's lounge.
She unlatches the door and lets herself inside.
"We really should not be here," Kiyoshi admits. "What if Shiota-sensei-?"
"Shiota-sensei won't care. He is the most lenient man I know. We could tell him we were using this room to discuss Pokemon spoilers in secret and he'd believe us. We'll be fine."
Kiyoshi gives her a deadpan look and a shrug as he steps into the room. "Touche."
"Besides. I'd argue I sort of have every right to invite myself into this room, Aguri thing considered. This was mine before it was his."
Kiyoshi blinks, dumbfounded. "You're going mad with power!"
Fumiko pulls out a chair and sits down. "I'm joking, dumbass. It's true, though."
Kiyoshi sits across from her. "So you're certain, then?"
Fumiko clasps her hands. "Let's talk about it."
Kiyoshi places his notebook on the desk, careful not to disturb any of Nagisa's papers. He quietly flips it open and meets Fumiko's eyes. "Okay. So where are we gonna start?"
Fumiko's tempted to bring up the fact that this whole thing was Kiyoshi's plan in the first place and he should probably know where to begin, but decides against it. It's clear he went out of his way for her. Now's not the time for smarminess. She'll just... Ask nicely!
"I… don't know. You got any ideas?"
"Well… Let's start simple. What are you thinking? I know that doesn't mean much factually, but…" Kiyoshi pauses. "I think it's a good starting point. How are you feeling about this? You've had a week to reflect on it. Do you still think it's true?"
Fumiko takes a deep breath, before admitting, "Yeah. I do. A… lot of stuff has happened over these past two weeks, and at this point I don't know how to explain it if not for Aguri."
"Well… that's good!" Kiyoshi says. "The - uh - believing yourself thing. Not the reincarnation of a dead lady thing-"
Fumiko shrugs. "I dunno. That's pretty good too. I didn't think so at first, but… Aguri's actually a really cool person."
"Okay. That's… a really solid basis," Kiyoshi muses. "I know I already said this: but I meant it when I told you that there's no way for me to definitively prove this. Until we have real proof for reincarnation being an undeniable thing, which is way beyond my skill level, all I can do is help you come to a conclusion on your own. If you already have a hunch, that means we're on the right track." He gives her a sheepish look. "Hell, if you're really certain, you might not even need my help. We could just forgo this entire affair and come to our conclusion without digging into my findi-"
"No way," Fumiko interjects. "Dude: You wrote what looks to be an entire book for my sake. I am not going to toss that in the trash just because I have 'a hunch.'" She snorts. "Besides, even if my heart is in this, it's probably a good idea to get my head in it too before I say anything I'll regret."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair," Kiyoshi admits. "Though - Uh - For the record, this is not a book. Nor is it a novella, a collection of anecdotes, or a musical tribute. Please don't call it that."
Fumiko squints. "Excuse me?"
"I just want you to know what to expect. This is an extremely messy collection of notes. Nothing more, nothing less. If Asano-san tells you I'm writing a Wikipedia article, don't believe a word he says, because he's just messing with you."
"I… Have no idea what you're talking about. Let's just compare notes."
Kiyoshi's voice seems to crack, but he nods. "Let's."
"So what are you thinking?" Fumiko asks. "You read things out of there and quiz me? Or?"
"I was actually thinking you could tell me things you remember, then I could see if I can verify them. I'd like to see what you've discovered on your own before I give you any potential hints." He pauses. "Then - maybe - I can ask you little questions related to what you share and see if that helps any. I dunno. I don't really have a plan , but-"
"No. No. That sounds fine," Fumiko says. "I can start."
...An hour to discuss what she's remembered. The life she's had two weeks now to dwell on. Surely there won't be enough time to explore every aspect of it. She needs to get right into the things Aguri treasured. The things the people she loved would remember her by.
Fumiko shuts her eyes, deep in thought. And silently, she asks herself what mattered the most.
"...Akari," she says. "I have… Lots of memories of Akari." She pauses. "Yukimura-san - I mean. Kayano. You - uh… know who I'm talking about."
"Yeah." Kiyoshi nods. "Go on."
"Pretty much… everything from when I was young involved her in some way. I'd do my homework while babysitting her, or take her out for a walk around town to shop, then grab treats. Never ice cream, though. I remember that very distinctly."
Kiyoshi cocks an eyebrow. "Really?"
"Yeah," Fumiko says. "She hated sweet things. She doesn't anymore, so something must have changed, but…" She pauses, reflecting on the passing of time. Wondering how different they are. Wondering how little she knows the girl she raised from a baby now. "...She did. And so I'd always get ice cream, but she'd get a pretzel."
Kiyoshi gives her a gentle smile. "That's… adorable," he comments, before returning to thumbing through his journal. "It sounds like you were a really good sister." He stops at a certain page. "Can I ask you a question, actually?"
"Considering that's the entire point of this exercise, yes, you may."
"What age do you think you were when Akari first came into your life?"
Fumiko frowns. "Oh… I don't know. Maybe… Ten? I was pretty young, but I wasn't… like… a toddler."
Kiyoshi nods, scrawling something down in his notes. "Okay. Go on."
His expression is indecipherable. And Fumiko suddenly feels weirdly tense. She knows she asked him to do this, but holy shit does it feel like he's genuinely analyzing her.
...She supposes Kiyoshi is nothing if not passionate!
"I loved her movies, obviously. Tons of memories of watching those. First one was that superhero flick where she played the main character's daughter. We got an early screening copy, and she pointed to the screen all excited whenever she appeared. We built a blanket fort to celebrate and everything."
Kiyoshi gives her another soft smile. Analytical poker face or not, he's completely unable to mask his delight. "It sounds like… you were really supportive."
"I tried my best," Fumiko admits.
"Though I do have one more question about Akari before we can move on. This might sound a bit strange… But did she ever mess with you?"
"...Mess with me?" Fumiko asks.
"Y'know. Like… Play pranks. Perhaps… Tell you things that weren't true."
"I mean… yeah? She was like, nine. Of course she'd eat the last brownie and tell me she didn't. But I don't think she ever did anything… like… genuinely malicious…-"
Kiyoshi hides another wry smile. "Okay. Okay. Perhaps we'll touch on that a little bit more later. How about in the meantime you tell me about something else?"
His smug aura is insufferable, but there's no time to dwell on it. Fumiko's sure… whatever inane joke he's making about Kayano will all make sense in due time. As for now she just simply rubs her chin and tries her best to think. What else was important to her? What else defined her? And what else is worth sharing?
...It's not hard to decide.
"I also remember lots of things about being a teacher. I only got to teach for, like, the last year of my life, but it was my dream ever since I was… maybe sixteen? When I came to Kunugigaoka, it's like I was on cloud nine. It was far from perfect, and in hindsight most of what went down there just makes me want to throw a chair, but at the time I loved it."
Kiyoshi cocks an eyebrow. "...Throw a chair? Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously," Fumiko rants. "That place was insane! People regularly fell asleep in class. Thrice I had to tear kids apart from trying to beat the living daylights out of each other. No-one paid attention, and the rest of the staff didn't give a shit! The principal just pedaled these highly troubled kids up to a building in the middle of nowhere and expected them to get by with no air conditioning or praise. Then, when one of the students, who I know had to be Karma, leaves a rusty tack on my seat, I'm told that's just proof I should believe these literal children don't deserve to be alive."
"...Don't… Deserve to be... alive," Kiyoshi repeats, dumbfounded.
"I am not exaggerating. The headmaster's. Actual. Words. I never understood just how exhausting Shiota-sensei's job was until recently. The man's a saint." Not that she thinks she qualifies as a saint or anything, despite going through the exact same thing. That would take a level of narcissism even a Hisakawa doesn't have. "But that's… Besides the point, I'll admit. We all already know that Asano-san's father is a sociopath and that historically Kunugigaoka was a school shut down for piss-poor maintenance. I'm not sharing anything new."
Kiyoshi gives a shrug. "I mean… I guess not, but it's interesting to hear your perspective on it."
"My perspective, for the record. Again: I need to reiterate: As Aguri I loved my job. I knew everything going on there was messed up on a fundamental level, but I really did feel like I was putting some good into a miserable environment. Please don't throw the 'Fumiko is Aguri theory' into the garbage because you don't have any notes stating that I 'wanted to burn that cesspit to the ground.' Because I didn't." She pauses. "And… I mean: I still don't, obviously. A lot of my fondest memories come from my time as a teacher."
Kiyoshi tilts his head. "Really?"
"Mmm," Fumiko admits. "It was… hard work: But like I said, I felt like I was doing the right thing. I never got through to those kids in the same way Korosensei did, but… even the little things were rewarding. Seeing Okuda give me a tiny smile after staring at the ground all year… Or grading Yoshida's first C+ assignment… It felt really good. Like I was making some sort of change in the world. Like I really could really, genuinely, help people."
"I have memories of Shiota-sensei, too. He was so different back then. He tried to make himself look so small. It's… really nice to see what sort of people they've all grown into. Happy, healthy, successful people. Because that means… I was right. About them. About the world."
"I know most of the reason they turned out so well is because of Korosensei, but…" Fumiko drifts off.
"Well, Korosensei would never have become a teacher if not for you, yeah?" Kiyoshi replies. "I'd say you had a pretty huge part in changing their lives, too."
Fumiko gives a tiny nod. "...Exactly."
It's funny… But as hellish as it was, there's this little nagging feeling in the back of her gut telling her she should do it all over again. Not - Uh - The whole huge mistakes self-sacrificing thing, considering she just had a massive internal monologue denouncing that, but the teaching thing. It was her dream, and she only got to live it out for a year. If this is really the second chance she deserves… The life she's dedicating to her own happiness, then maybe she owes it to herself to give herself another try.
She's not certain. Not even remotely. But comparing the shy, self-loathing Nagisa with the Nagisa who's since grown up into such a functional adult, she files it in the back of her mind as a possibility.
At the very least, it's a nice thought.
"Speaking of… mind telling me about The Reaper a little?" Kiyoshi asks. "If you want, I mean. He seemed really important to you, too." He pauses. "This is weird… but maybe… Start with telling me what he looked like? Believe it or not, you took a picture of him."
"I what!?" Fumiko sputters.
"You heard me: You took a picture of him," Kiyoshi says. "A shitty, cell-phone quality picture, but a picture. You put it in your scrapbook and everything. Yukimura-san showed me."
This is a lot to take in. Fumiko had entirely forgotten she'd kept a scrapbook up until now! Had she seriously taken a candid shot of the world-famous serial killer? That's ridiculous! That's insane! That's…
...So her.
Kiyoshi has literally no reason to be making this up. Okay. Fine. She'll accept it. She took a picture of The Reaper with her cell phone camera. She was out of her goddamn mind, but at least now it'll help her prove her identity. All she has to do is describe him.
She shuts her eyes and frowns.
...He's… Hard to make out. Overlapping and ever-shifting. One moment he's calm, and the next her mind is superimposing the face of her best friend. But that's not him. Not yet. This was… a long time before that. A time when he had a very different demeanor. That demeanor… she needs to focus on it. She needs to make it out.
Sometimes his skin writhes, and other times it doesn't. One day he coughs up blood, and the next he looks to be the pinnacle of health. But what - What stands out to her the most?
"His smile. He… had a very distinct smile," Fumiko says. "It wasn't anything like Makoto's. Most of the time it was this… forced, fake thing. You could tell by looking in his eyes. He had these… Really dark, really blank grey eyes. And whenever he was smiling at you in that way, you could tell whether or not he meant it by looking in his eyes." She shuts her eyes tighter, hand gently shaking as she focuses.
"It was really rare… But when he really smiled you could tell, too. His lip would upturn just a little bit uneven, and you could finally see something behind his eyes. It wasn't always a lot… But it felt like he was finally looking at you." She takes a deep breath. "His hair was… dark, too. A little long and unkept. He was really dangerous to deal with, so the rest of the lab tried to avoid dealing with his hygiene as much as possible. I'd say they only cut his hair… Twice in the whole time he was there."
"I would have offered, but I wasn't allowed to do it. I wasn't allowed to touch him. Not until he found a way to touch me through the glass." The tiniest, and equally as uneven smile comes to her lips. "...There was something in his eyes, then. This golden glow. The most I'd ever seen."
Slowly, she opens her eyes. And when she catches Kiyoshi staring at her, astounded, her face flushes red. "Although-! I suppose that's… Not a very helpful description!" She admits. "I- Er… Sorry, I got lost in the moment. He had black hair, grey eyes, grey or blue or white garments. I can't quite remember. That's all I needed to say-"
"No," Kiyoshi responds. "That was… a good description. I think… it looked like he had dead eyes, too."
"So I'm right?" Fumiko asks. "About what he looked like?"
Kiyoshi nods. "Pretty much spot on," he admits. "I'm… impressed."
Fumiko gives him a proud grin. "Well then, what else do you want to hear about? Whatever it is, I've got it."
She'd walked into this conversation nervous, but now that she's in the midst of it it's actually really easy! What had she been worried about? She believes herself. And if she's right, that means she has nothing to worry about. She'll remember what she needs to. If it was important to her… Then she's sure she'll have no trouble getting it recalled.
Kiyoshi rubs his chin. "How about… You tell me about your friendship with him a little. I know you met at the lab, but why did you start talking? What sort of things did you bond over?"
Fumiko takes another minute to think it over. In the meantime Kiyoshi continues to flip through his journal, curiously peering at his notes.
"Well… I think we started talking because I was lonely," Fumiko says. "I know that's a pretty messed up reason, but it's true." She pauses. "A… lot of people weren't very nice to me. I didn't get along well with my fiance. And I didn't really have anyone to talk about how I felt with. I mean, there was Akari, but I'd never put any of that on her."
Kiyoshi nods. "Of course. Of course."
"And so… one day I just started talking. When I first met the Reaper I didn't do much more than be polite, but eventually I realized I wanted this to be someone who could really care about me. I'd just ramble about my issues, and he'd listen. He almost never had advice, but he listened."
"Eventually… he opened up. I think… Some things about how he ended up getting arrested were eating at him. And it turns out… I was the only one he had to talk to, too. So one day he just spat it out, asking if I knew what he'd done wrong. And to his surprise… I had an answer for him."
"I think that's when we first started getting close. Because… I realized he had anxieties too, and he realized I could be 'useful' to him." She bites her tongue. "Although it sounds extremely manipulative when you put it that way. I don't mean to - he wasn't - I just can't think of another word. He…" She pauses. "He realized I could give him emotional support, and he'd never had anyone do that for him before. He wanted that more than anything. And so I gave it to him. Company, and a listening ear." She smiles and sighs. "That sounds better."
Kiyoshi nods. "And so you two… sort of played therapist to each other."
"I guess," Fumiko says. "But it was more than that, too. We were… friends, even if our troubles are how we bonded. Some days we'd hardly speak a word, but it always felt just as nice to be in his company. I always looked forward to seeing him. He was… one of the people I treasured the most."
...Kiyoshi's giving her this strange look. He laughs softly and gives her a stilted smile.
Fumiko straightens up. "Although I… suppose that's sappy. Pardon me. I've just been… sentimental lately."
Kiyoshi shakes his head. "Don't apologize," he says, a tired lilt to his voice. "I think it's sweet. And… Makoto's had similarly sentimental stuff to say about you. So it's not like this is new to me."
Now that earns Fumiko's attention. She leans forward over the desk, eyes wide.
"Really!?"
Kiyoshi nods. "Really."
"We- well, then," Fumiko stutters. "We… need to get on this, so we can tell him! How's my report looking? Does it line up with what everyone else has told you?"
"Pretty much," Kiyoshi says. "I'm… actually surprised by how accurate you've been. But I do have one more thing to ask you before I can approve your thesis. Something very important."
Fumiko huffs proudly. "Hit me. I can answer anything you throw at me."
"Okay. This is going to sound strange at first, but I must reiterate: I genuinely believe I will not be capable of ending this conversation until I grill you on this topic. Because there's still one thing I've heard everyone I've interrogated mention, that you haven't breathed a word of."
Fumiko raises an eyebrow. "Which… Is…?"
"The shirts," Kiyoshi says matter of factly. "Do you remember the shirts?"
Fumiko freezes. Face going red, she stiffens. And darting to cover her face with her hands, before realizing that would only make her more incriminating, she yelps.
The shirts. The god-forsaken shirts. Of course she remembers the shirts! They've haunted her every memory. But she hadn't thought they'd come up. Had Kayano, Makoto and the rest seriously sold her out to Kiyoshi like this!? God damn it!
"The shirts," Kiyoshi repeats. "The absurd, maybe even ugly graphic tees. Tell me, Fumiko. Do you remember them?"
Now there's this weird goofiness to his voice. Holy shit! He's not interrogating her any longer! He's… making fun of her! He's teasing her! He's… He's… He's-
"Fumiko."
"Yes," she finally snaps, eyes glued to the ground. "I remember the shirts. The terrible, god-forsaken shirts."
"Okay. Okay. Okay. And can you tell me which of them you remember? Believe it or not, I have a full wardrobe description provided by the E-Class. How about you tell me about some of the ones that stand out to you? Then I can see if they match up with-"
"I am not doing that!" Fumiko shouts, utterly humiliated. Did Kiyoshi seriously take notes on her bad fashion!? Even for the wimpiest person she knows, he is brutal sometimes. "You and I both know I've proved my point, so drop it."
That 'wimpiest person' moniker kicking in, Kiyoshi relents. He must detect the hostility in her voice, because he shuts up. Quick. "Okay, okay…" He says. "I'm not making fun of you, but I understan-"
"Yes. You are."
He gives her a sheepish smile. "Okay. Maybe a little. But I do think it's sweet, too." He pauses. "That you let yourself wear things like that. I know it must be really embarrassing now, but I bet you were having a good time. Not caring what anyone thought of you or whatever."
Fumiko shrugs. "I guess. But it's still… humiliating. Seriously. If there's one thing I don't know what I was thinking: it's that. I am never doing that again."
"Fair enough," Kiyoshi says. "I'm sorry. How about… you let me just ask you one final thing about them, and then I'll drop it. I'm not messing with you, I swear. I'm genuinely curious."
Fumiko's lip twitches. "I'll… allow it. But only for you. And after this, we never talk about them again."
"Do you remember why you started wearing those?"
The silliness has vanished from his voice. He asks it completely straight-faced, as if 'why on earth did you think wearing a t-shirt of Gudetama with Homer Simpson's face was an acceptable life decision?' is a normal question to ask your best friend. Then again, Fumiko supposes there are no normal questions when the reason you're interrogating your friend in the first place is that she believes she was some lady with abhorrent fashion in a past life.
She gives a shrug. "Not particularly," she admits. "I did all sorts of dumb things. I suppose some aspect of it could be psychoanalyzed down to trying to have some sort of control over my life, regardless of how minor, but now's no time for that. And anyways, I do not think it was that deep in reality. I was just sort of… goofy. I don't think I had a particular reason for-"
...She drifts off mid sentence. And she swears she can just barely make out Akari's face.
"Don't you know?" she says, tilting her head and pointing at the television. "They're the new hip thing!"
GOD. FUCKING. DAMN IT.
"No," she interjects, her tone shifting. Voice bristling with anger, she says "I started wearing those things because my little sister lied to me! To my face! She told me they were high-end fashion, and she was just messing with me. That's how I ended up in this predicament!"
Her fist trembles. Sibling rivalry reactivated in one burst of righteous fury… She suddenly feels to have a baseball bat with Akari, 'Kayano,' Yukimura's name written on it.
"I can't believe her!"
As the realization dawns on her face, genuine wonder dawns on Kiyoshi's. Covering his mouth with his hands, he grins, and laughs... And laughs.
Fumiko's rage hones in on him. Snarling with disbelief, she asks, "Why are you looking at me like that!? Why are you laughing!? Is that story really so funny to you!?" She thinks she's going to combust from the utter humiliation.
"Why am I laughing!?" he asks. "Because that's the exact same story Yukimura-san told me, Fumiko! Practically word for word! Don't you get it!? You just proved yourself! You're right!"
No. No. She… she can't… she didn't think... She's what!?
And in an instant the anger in her chest fizzles out, only to be replaced by shock. She's… she's right?
That shock grows into joy - into ecstasy... And in a moment she leaps from her chair. Her feet carrying themselves, she rushes over to wrap Kiyoshi in a hug.
He lets out a surprised yelp, but quickly returns to laughing, throwing his arms around her neck. And before she knows it, she's laughing as well.
"We really did it!"
"We did!" Kiyoshi exclaims. "We did it! You did it, Fumiko!"
Fumiko shakes her head, stifling another laugh. "Are you kidding me, Kiyoshi!? I never could have gotten this figured out without you! You did it, too!"
Squeezing her tighter, Kiyoshi sputters. "I… I guess I did!"
"I'm Aguri! I'm Aguri! I-" Fumiko drifts off. "...should really stop shouting that in public."
Kiyoshi pulls away from her, snorting. "Probably. Correct or not, something tells me most of our classmates would probably believe you to be delusional." He pauses. "Plus… you wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for Makoto."
Fumiko stiffens, releasing her grip on Kiyoshi. "You're right! Makoto!" Oh my god! Makoto! Wonderful, ever-present, annoying as hell Makoto! Makoto, who she started this whole investigation for in the first place! In her euphoria, her exploration of and delight in herself she'd almost forgotten!
"Oh my god! We need to tell him! When should we tell him!?" she rambles. "I mean - we could always - we could always do it now, but then he'd never be able to focus in class. And what if someone else heard!? That would be… very weird! Maybe this afternoon? But that's… that's so soon! I won't know what to say! I mean, I should - I should really plan at least something sentimental out."
She hasn't felt this excited and nervous at once since… Well… Ever! Like a little kid too excited to fall asleep the night before Christmas, she steps away from Kiyoshi and paces in circles.
"Maybe- maybe tomorrow afternoon. That would give me some time to think. But I wouldn't… like… Keep him waiting too long." She nods. "Yes. Tomorrow afternoon seems good. We'll tell him tomorrow afternoon."
She holds her head high and smiles. Tomorrow afternoon. It's perfect. It's a plan.
"...We?"
Fumiko pauses midstep.
"Pardon?"
"I'm - uh… Just confused as to what you mean by 'we.'" Kiyoshi says. "I know you appreciate me helping you with this… But… shouldn't this be just the two of you? I'd… I'd hate to intrude."
Fumiko turns back to face him, shaking her head. "Kiyoshi, you are not an intrusion. I… I need you there. I never feel more confident then when I'm by your side. I want to make sure I do this right."
"...Fumiko," Kiyoshi says. "You don't need to worry. I'm sure… You'll do this right no matter what you say. Makoto's going to be overjoyed. You… You won't need me backing you up. It's not like he's not going to believe you. He…" He glances towards his notebook. "He's Makoto. It's not like he's going to need me to get this out in front of him."
Fumiko's shoulders lower. "I know," she admits. "But… I still want you there."
Kiyoshi stares at her, or maybe through her. And his lower lip quivering, he asks, "Are you sure? You'll never get a second shot at this. Do you really want me to be there? This seems... really important to you."
"Are you kidding me?" Fumiko asks, stepping forward to wrap him in another hug. "That's why I want you there! We're… we're family, the two of us. Remember? That's not about to change."
Kiyoshi tenses, utterly silent for one long moment, before he collapses into Fumiko's embrace. Stress built up over weeks and weeks finally caving in on itself, he falls limp in her arms
"...Even now that you have your real family? K… Korosensei? And… And Yukimura-san?" he asks in a tiny, muffled voice.
"Now more than ever. It's the three of us against the world. You're the one who promised me that. No backing out now. Me being Aguri or not, you're still one of us."
For one moment, Fumiko's shoulder grows wet with tears. But quickly, Kiyoshi pulls away, wiping at his nose. "I'm sorry. I… Shouldn't be doing this during your moment. I should be happy for you. And- And I am! I just... I just don't know what's wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you," Fumiko insists. "You're just… scared of being replaced. No-one could fault you for that."
"I know," Kiyoshi says, a whine in his voice. "I know. That's what people tell me every time I get scared like this. But… now's not the time for this. I… I should just let you have this."
"No," Fumiko says firmly. "How you feel matters too." She glances at the clock. "Look: we still have fifteen minutes before everyone shows up. So… how about we sit down and talk this over. You just spent the past week writing a book for me. I think the least I can do to repay you is tell you I'm not going to leave your side."
"You… you don't need to do that-"
But Fumiko's already marching over to the other side of the desk and grabbing Nagisa's chair to drag it to Kiyoshi's side. Plopping down next to him, legs crossed, she stares at him intently. "But I am. So talk."
Kiyoshi sighs, rubbing his temples. "You are stubborn."
"And I don't intend to change. Now open up before I lock you in this room."
Now that earns Kiyoshi's attention. He stares at her with wide, bewildered eyes. "You wouldn't actually do that."
"Try me."
Kiyoshi lets out a groan. "...It's not anything you haven't already heard me complain about before. I guess… I'm just scared of you two getting closer." He freezes, looking utterly ashamed. "Which sounds stupid. Which sounds selfish. I should want my friends to be happy. I should want my friends to be close. But I guess I'm just… I guess I'm just…" He pauses. "...Scared you won't need me anymore."
Fumiko stares at him, eyebrows knit. She reaches a hand out towards him, but he shakes his head in response.
"You two are… special now. We're… Not on even playing ground. My whole life I've lived… Feeling overshadowed by people. Not good enough. Like I should be something more, and I'm not, so that makes me a disappointment. I mean… I'd look at my parents: who are so cool. Who have accomplished so much. And then I'd look at myself and think 'you're a waste of their time.'" He takes a deep breath, trying to hide the quiver in his voice. "'You'll never live up to them.' 'You never should have been born.'"
Fumiko's fist clenches. "That… that is not true! You're an amazing person, Kiyoshi."
"People keep saying that, but I look at myself in comparison to them and I just don't get it. I've… Always thought I was worse than people. But with you two, it was different. I felt… Like I really belonged. And now I'm scared I won't anymore. Because I'm not like you. Just like I'm not like my parents. What if… what if this thing we have goes away, Fumiko?"
...She… hates the thought. She's lost so, so much by now. Her own childhood wonder, and the dreams of distant lives. She cannot - She will not lose a single thing more. She… she doesn't care if Kiyoshi's different than the two of them! He makes her happy.
"It won't. It won't go away. I won't let it."
"...Then it'll change."
"Excuse me?"
"No matter what you say - no matter what you do, everything is going to change when you tell Makoto the truth. Y-"
"You don't want me to tell him, then?" Fumiko asks, suddenly feeling as if she's been forced on the defense. She… she can't not-
"That's not what I'm saying. Tell him. Please t ell him. He deserves to know. I want you two to be happy. I'm not confiding this in you because I want to guilt you out of living the life you deserve. I'm… only telling you because you want me to. If… if you went back on this because of me, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself."
"All I'm saying is… I'm scared. And it makes me a bad friend, but I am. Because… you two were close. And, I mean… I didn't even exist. You two were there for each other… making memories, protecting each other before I was even born! You… you can say whatever reassuring thing you want, but I'll… never be the sort of person you two were for each other. You… you were in love, for Pete's sake! I can't live up to that-"
...In… In love!?
The thought makes Fumiko go red. Is… is that the impression Kiyoshi got from weeks of research? She wasn't… She wasn't really in love with Korosensei. It was just a sort of…- Or maybe she was? She… she doesn't know! Whatever! It doesn't matter! There are way more important things to focus on right now.
"That… that doesn't matter, Kiyoshi! We're not back then. We're now! We're lucky to have you. Who… who cares if you weren't there with us in that miserable lab!? I'm happy you weren't! I wouldn't want you to experience that! You're still important to me. To who I am now. Even if… Even if me and Makoto…" Oh god, this feels rather awkward. "...Become better friends, we're not going to suddenly exclude you. We're not going to leave you behind. I'll make sure of that."
Kiyoshi's quiet for a long moment. Staring at the floor, he flexes and unflexes his hand… Slowly shutting his eyes. Then, speaking up in a quiet, bitter voice, he asks, "Why?"
"Why!?"
"Why haven't you given up on me!? I've been asking myself that all year! I just don't get it! This… this is your chance! You can move on without me. You have your reason. So why won't you? You're… you're such cool people. You're heroes. You changed the world. And I'm just… Kiyoshi. I'm just average. And that's all I'll ever be."
He's making no effort to hide his tears by now. Trailing down his cheeks, he doesn't bother to wipe them. Instead, he merely breathes heavily and whimpers.
Fumiko stares at him, her own breaths hitching. And sitting there… watching him cry… She reflects on the night she stayed at his house.
"You… told me the same thing back then, didn't you?" she asks. "When I visited your home. That… you doubted Makoto's intent for being your friend. And I didn't have a concrete answer to ease your fears. Because I couldn't read Makoto's mind. I'm sure you must be feeling that same thing doubly now. That you don't belong. But I'll tell you the same thing I told you when you confided in me then, and this time I'll have a satisfying answer for you. Because if there is one mind I can read, it's my own."
"You're right. You're not like us. There's no reason for us to be friends with you based on our past lives. But there are reasons for us to be friends with you. And I think… in light of everything that's come up recently, those… reasons only make you more special. Don't think about it like you're the odd one out in a group of people with past lives. Think about it like those people could have chosen to be friends with anyone, and they both chose you! That must mean… that must mean you're a really worthwhile person."
Kiyoshi shoots her a skeptical look, but she's not about to relent.
"And you are. That's… not some… Theoretical statement. I'm one of those people. I know why I'm your friend! I'm your friend because you're a good person. Because I like you! Because you're not a waste of time! And I am so, so lucky to have the chance to have gotten to know you."
"Y… you're kind… And funny, and smart, and thoughtful. You'll do anything your friends ask of you, no matter how stupid. Look at this past week! I sent you out on what very well could have been a goose chase, and you helped me out with a smile. I couldn't have done this without you. I couldn't have. I know that."
Kiyoshi's lip quivers, and he stares at her with these big watery eyes. Blinking rapidly just to try and hold back the tears, he sniffles and gives her a touched look.
"Makoto is an amazing f riend. But you are too, Kiyoshi. Maybe more. I… care about Makoto, more than anything. But you're the one who always knows what to say. You're the one who always knows how to help! Remember… remember when he broke down a few weeks ago? About… What happened to him? How he became Korosensei? I was helpless. I didn't know how to comfort him. I just sat there, wishing there was something I could do."
"But not you. You crouched down to his level and you reassured him. You grounded him back to reality, and you knew exactly what to say. I watched you slowly ease him out of that state… Watched the smile return to his face… And sitting there, feeling helpless, I thought… that I'd do anything to be more like you."
"And… I still remember when I had a panic attack at your house. How… you came to comfort me. How you helped me catch my breath, told me everything was going to be okay, and promised me that we were going to be family from now on. That… we weren't normal, but that was okay. Because we had each other. You did that. You said that. Not Korosensei. Not Akari. Not Makoto or anyone else in the world. The one and only Kiyoshi."
"...You're the first person I ever trusted like that. With… everything that scares me. I don't care if you're 'nobody.' Because… you're someone to me. And I need you."
That's all it takes for the dam to finally break. Bursting out into full-on sobs, Kiyoshi desperately wipes at his eyes and weeps. Then, in a trembling, tiny voice, he finally admits, "I need you too."
"I'm… I'm sorry," he bawls, face red with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I… don't want to be ungrateful. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry. I just don't wanna lose this-"
Standing to grab a box of tissues, Fumiko reassures once more "You won't."
He tears into that box of tissues. But two-thirds of a box of tissues and a five-minute sobfest later and he's beginning to look a bit better. His face is still as red as a beet, but slowly… surely… His breaths seem to steady.
"I'm sorry for forcing you to reassure me," he hiccups.
"Don't," Fumiko says, passing him another tissue. "For once in your life, just stop apologizing."
"I'll… I'll try."
Another minute passes, and some of the red is beginning to fade from his face. He blows his nose and wipes his eyes and gives Fumiko one last huge hug.
"...Thank you."
She gives a lazy shrug. "No need to thank me. I'm just repaying the favor."
By now the other kids are arriving. Fumiko hears their chatter as they flood into the building. But even as she catches the sound of Makoto's cheery voice, she doesn't rush to greet him. Instead, she helps Kiyoshi to his feet, and grabs his notebook for him.
...Because even Korosensei can wait.
"We should get going," he admits with a sideways glance. "Everyone else is starting to show up. We're gonna get in really big trouble if Shiota-sensei finds us here."
"Once again: I sincerely believe we won't, but I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry." Fumiko steps towards the door, and sends Kiyoshi one last look over her shoulder. "...Just… remember this conversation, okay? I don't care who I was. I care about who I am. And you make me happy. I'm glad to exist at the same time as you. We'll tell Makoto together. And we'll tell him you're every bit as responsible for this discovery as I am."
Fumiko smiles.
"...We'll tell him that you're the reason he has his friend back."
Kiyoshi gives her a quiet look, lips pursed. And in a quiet voice he says:
"Promise."
"...Promise what?"
"That I make you happy. That you're not going to leave me behind." He pauses. "I… I know it's inane to ask that of you. I know I should just believe your word. And maybe that makes me a bad friend, but-"
Fumiko whirls around to take his hand, and squeezing it tight, she declares, "I promise."
Kiyoshi stares at her, genuinely surprised. But all he can find it in him to say is a startled "A… ah. You interrupted me again," as he wilts.
Fumiko cocks her head. "Turns out I have every right to interrupt you when you're saying dumb, self-degrading shit."
...Kiyoshi laughs. He lets out an awkward, genuine, and shameful laugh. "Fair enough," he says. "...Fair enough."
"Gotta make sure to when it's always gonna be the three of us. And it will be. I promise."
She'd learned a long time ago not to make promises like these. That… they're dangerous. And that she can never predict the future. But seeing Kiyoshi smile at her, catching the genuine wonder in his eyes… She wants to preserve that happiness more than anything. And as such… She lets herself be stupid, just this once.
"I swear it on my life."
It's Monday evening, long after the kids have been sent home, when Kayano brings up what they've all been thinking.
"Is anyone else worried about Kiyoshi?"
Now that earns their attention. They'd been chilling in the living room, half-watching-tv, half working on other stuff when she speaks up. Glancing up from his schoolwork binder, Nagisa opens his mouth to speak, but Gakushuu beats him to it.
"Yes. At literally all times. But you're going to need to specify what in particular is on your mind, because he's always like that."
Kayano rolls her eyes, but humors him anyways. "I just can't stop thinking about how weird it is that he lied to all of us. That's… Extremely unlike him. He told me he and his friends were… Like… Planning something, but I'm not sure what that has to do with my sister."
"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Karma says with a shrug. "Those three are always up to something. But whatever it is, I sincerely doubt it's malicious."
"Of- of course it's not malicious," Kayano sputters, shaking her head. "If you can come up with a way to use information about Aguri Yukimura for malicious purposes, I'll give you the Nobel Peace Prize my damn self." She pauses. "Except… like… the opposite. Because you'd be putting literally an incomprehensible amount of bad into the world-"
"The Nobel Piss Prize," Karma interjects.
"I was thinking like… The Evil Chaos Prize, but as always you've proven yourself to have a way with words. I literally hate you."
"Can I win the nobel Piss Prize for coming up with the title? Is that putting enough bad into the world?"
Sick of hearing the word 'piss,' Gakushuu quickly interrupts with "We're getting off-topic."
"You're right," Kayano says. "Where was I?"
"Kiyoshi isn't psychologically tormenting you," Karma ever-so-helpfully reminds her.
"Right," Kayano says. "No, of course I don't believe he's messing with me. I don't think any of them are planning something bad. But I'm still kinda weirded out. I hope Makoto's not pressuring him into gathering information or something."
"I doubt it, Karma says. "Makoto couldn't bully another person if his life depended on it. Whatever it is, they're in it together."
"A fair point, but I would like to address the fact that you hardly need to 'bully' Kiyoshi to convince him to do something," Gakushuu says. "That boy could be swayed by the slightest gust of wind."
Karma cocks his head, craning his head towards Nagisa. "What do you think, Teach? You spend the most time around 'em. But you've been awfully quiet."
Nagisa shrugs. "Sorry. I've just been thinking," he admits. "But no, for the record, I don't think Makoto's forcing Kiyoshi to do anything. I don't even get why he'd need to rely on Kiyoshi to gather information about Aguri in the first place. He knows he's free to talk to us whenever he wants."
"Maybe we're all just making jackasses of ourselves and Kiyoshi really is writing a book," Karma points out. "What do we know?"
"No. He's not," Kayano says bluntly.
"This is going to sound absolutely hypocritical coming from me," Nagisa says. "But I'd try not to worry about it for now."
"You're right!" Karma says. "That sounds very hypocritical."
Nagisa rolls his eyes. "He said he'd tell you what was going on eventually, right? I'm sure… it'll just end up being something mundane. I mean… What on earth could they possibly be coming up with?"
"I… Don't know," Kayano says. "I don't know. I guess I just can't help but wonder."
And try as he may to return his focus to his schoolwork as their conversation returns to something much more mundane like piss prizes or B-List movies, he finds himself incapable. Because despite himself, Nagisa wonders, too.
...Turns out preparing to tell your best friend you're secretly the reincarnation of his dead sorta-bestie, sorta-lover, sorta-ex is the most nerve-wracking feeling on the earth.
Fumiko stares into the mirror Tuesday morning, and gives her clothes another lookover, just for good measure. She's not sure why she feels the need to dress impressively for this considering Aguri herself dressed like a goddamn lunatic, but she can't shake the feeling that this has to be perfect.
This is going to be… So important to the two of them. This could change their lives forever. This is how Makoto is going to remember this moment... Remember her for the rest of his life. If she doesn't put her best foot forward, then she's always going to regret it.
She turns back towards her bed, sending her other options another glance. The all-purple look is cute, but is it really what she wants? Maybe… she should try the long skirt. Or the flower cardigan.
...Ew. No. That won't match with literally anything she owns. She needs to remain sensible about this.
She's just… So excited! And nervous. Extremely nervous. But mostly… excited. This isn't just going to be something Makoto remembers for the rest of his life. This is going to be something she'll remember for the rest of her life, too. Even if it's increasingly likely he's not going to notice or care what color skirt she wore, she will. And this is important to her. This is the first time she's going to declare it. Going to scream it from the rooftops and take her life back.
'I know who I am! And I'm finally coming home!'
It has to be… It has to be perfect. But she doesn't have time for perfect. She has a feeling that if she spends a single moment more deciding what she's going to wear, her parents are either going to snap at her, or Kiyoshi is going to assume she made herself so nervous that she threw up, and head on to school without her. (Jokes on him. Aforementioned snapping parents wouldn't allow her to miss school even if she had projectile vomited.)
She just needs to… just needs to make a decision. Follow her heart. That thing Aguri was really good at. But again: Aguri dressed like a lunatic, so maybe it's best not to follow her lead on this. Or maybe it is? She could always-
No. She doesn't own anything like that. Besides, that would tip Makoto off to the surprise, and Yukimura-incarnate or not, Fumiko wouldn't be caught dead in a graphic tee featuring a JPEG of a slab of meat. She'll… she'll wear something fashionable. She's treasuring herself too, after all.
...She looks into the mirror and gives herself an awkward smile.
'The both of us.'
She looks so tiny. So nervous. So exhausted. She leans from foot to foot, and paces in circles. With her purple hair and crimson eyes, she's so… Different. It makes her wonder if Makoto will really be happy to see her.
But she quickly shakes her head. No. She won't doubt that. Not even for a second. That's… Giving him far too little credit. He's not shallow. He's just going to be happy she's there at all, right…?
(Even though he's so similar? Sometimes it seems he hasn't changed at all from the days he was Korosensei. And here she is: Melded and reshaped entirely by a life she had no choice in.)
'He will,' she tells herself. 'You know him. Better than anyone. That's not just Korosensei you're going to face today. That's Makoto. That's your best friend. You knew him first.'
'He is going to love you.'
...Now that makes her nervous, too. He… he isn't going to want to make things weird, right? Kiyoshi's already, like, petrified of being third wheeled. It would be goddamn terrible if she and Makoto started actually going out. besides… she… doesn't really want that, anyways. Sure he's… Adorable. And he's sweet. And… He makes her happier than anything, but… she likes how things are. She doesn't want that to change.
Besides, she's not ready for a relationship. She's thirteen. She was hardly prepared for a relationship at twenty-five. What makes her think she's ready now?
No. They'll just - Like, Korosensei and Aguri didn't make out, anyways. So… it doesn't matter. There was nothing official. Just an increasingly uncomfortable air of sexual tension. One she is not planning to bring up unless Makoto does.
And… he won't. At least… She hopes so. He'll probably be… too busy crying over her. And telling inside jokes. Oh god - Wait. She doesn't want him to cry.
She'll - uh - have to find a way to prevent that, too.
She's had two days to plan what she wants to say, and she's still lost. Holy hell! Clothes are the least of her worries. What really matters is how she's going to break the news to him. She can't just walk up to him and tell him she's his dead best friend! He'll ask how long she's known! And she's not going to lie to him! The answer is weeks! But when he asks why she didn't tell him she can't say it's because she still had to convince herself. That's not exactly a fantastic stamp of authenticity.
...Why is she even worried about proving herself to Makoto!? He's going to believe her. He's Makoto. The average thing going through his mind is… like… How he's going to bother the cat after school, or how he's going to steal a piece of candy from Nagisa's desk. He's not going to fact check her. Which he doesn't need to. Because she knows who she is.
Now… she just… needs to… share that with Korosensei!
Easier said than done, but she knows she can't waste another second. The future is rushing towards her, and she is not going to mess it up again. Today's the day that her life is going to change, and, finally, it'll be for the better.
Okay! It's time to go! She just needs to step out of that door! Right now!
...But not before changing her clothes just a little.
She slips out of her skirt. What was she thinking with the purple on purple look? She's already so purple. The hair. The hair again. Her socks! She needs to change it up a little. She'll keep the lavender polo… But… what to replace the skirt?
...White. The white skirt with the frills. And the bows. Lavender looks simply extravagant with white. She slips it on and grins, deciding it looks rather lavish.
Oh god. She's slipping into pretentious rich girl mode again, isn't she? Don't do that. That's… that's not who she wants to be, either. That is possibly the WORST part of Fumiko Hisakawa. Maybe she should wear something less fancy... -
...She doesn't own anything less fancy. Of course she doesn't. What was she thinking? Her parents would only permit the most high-end for her. These are… her only options. This is the only impression she can get across.
What if… what if it's the wrong one?
There's no way she's going to be able to do this right, is there? No way she's going to be able to do this perfectly. She… she hasn't had enough time! She doesn't know what to say or what to do or what to wear! She doesn't have the options. She doesn't have the experience. What if she screws this up? What if… Makoto doesn't like it?
What if… Makoto doesn't like her?
She knows it's an irrational thought. She feels surrounded by those lately. But there's too much on the line for her to shake it off. Who cares if it isn't likely? It's still a possibility, and that terrifies her!
They've been through so much together. She needs him. She…
...She's crying.
Again. For what feels like the third time this week, she's crying alone in her room.
She doesn't have time for this, either. She takes a deep breath, and focuses on the anxiety calming techniques Kiyoshi taught her. Breathe in… Count to ten… Breathe out. She focuses on the sounds around her, and the things she can see. The way the sunlight peeks in through the blinds, and her reflection in the mirror. The tear trails running down past her cheeks. And the more she stares at them, the more she decides how silly they look.
Because why does it matter what Makoto thinks?
She… decided she was going to treasure herself from now on, hadn't she? And it turns out that's a bit more difficult than she'd initially expected. But the realization she'd made still stands: That she likes herself.
As long as that's true, why does what he thinks matter?
Makoto… Korosensei. Those people. That person who's given her so much comfort over the past sixteen years. Why would she let him make her feel anxious!?
He's not going to care what she dresses like. He's not going to care what she says! He's just going to be happy to have his best friend back. This is a her issue. And she's projecting. Which means the question she should really be asking herself is…
...Does she like how it looks?
She glances back towards the mirror, and gives her skirt a twirl. She can't help but laugh. Sure… it's a little extra, but… she likes it. She likes the fancy look. Sure… she supposes that's a trait she probably inherited from her less-than-awesome parents, but is there really a problem with finding something to like in the things she does have? She… she likes the stupidly expensive skirt with it's stupid frills and it's 800 bows. It makes her feel elegant! She shouldn't have to shun that. She looks adorable.
Okay. Okay. The lavender matches well with the white. She was right about that. Perhaps it'll be a little cold outside, so she can slip on her grey overcoat. And… and her scarf! If she wants to go for something a little less formal, her scarf is always a great option. She'd have to be out of her mind not to wear her first gift from Makoto to celebrate this moment.
It is colorful, though. Is she really going to wear something that will pop out in such an isolated fashion? It's cute… but not cute enough.
She gets an idea, and leaps to dig through her drawers. After half a minute of searching, she manages to find a few hair clips she hasn't worn since she was a little girl. They're colorful. Bright yellows and pinks, with stars and hearts attached. Of course, she pockets them for now, seeing as how she can't be caught dead wearing those in front of her parents, but it's nice to meet herself in the middle.
She slips on her usual Mary Janes, and strikes a dumb pose in front of the mirror. It makes her feel extremely stupid, but she finds herself laughing either way.
...She thinks she's ready now.
She still doesn't know what to say. To Makoto, she means. About… All of this. But… That's okay. She didn't know what to say back then, either. And… They ended up having some pretty good conversations, didn't they? She's the best version of herself. She's sure… With those experiences having her back, she'll manage to figure it out.
Cutesy hair clips in her pockets, and designer shirt round her waist, Fumiko meets her eyes in the mirror. And giving herself one last, significantly less nervous smile, she turns back towards the door.
...As long as she listens to her heart and brain both, she'll have this under control.
The rest of the day seems to fly by. In a half-anxious, half-excited haze, the hours are simply over before Fumiko knows it. Nagisa quizzes them on something or another, and she, Makoto, and Kiyoshi meet up for lunch. But nothing seems to really matter until she hears that bell ring to dismiss them at the end of the day.
...When she first enters the classroom that morning, Makoto spots how she's dressed. And with an excited grin on his face, he asks her if she has special plans for today.
"Yeah," Fumiko replies, grinning back. "Something like that."
The minute they're dismissed, Kiyoshi and Fumiko tell Nagisa he can go on ahead to his place. They actually have something to talk about before they follow after.
"Wouldn't want to keep your spouses waiting," Fumiko says. "Just get going."
Nagisa curiously raises an eyebrow, but knows not to push. Looking over the two of them, he asks if he should take Makoto with him.
"No," Fumiko and Kiyoshi seem to say at once. "Makoto needs to be here."
If Nagisa's eyebrow was raised before, it's ascending from his forehead by now. But if he doesn't trust them, he sure doesn't let it show.
"...Okay," he says. "And you'll still be stopping by my place?"
"Yeah," Fumiko says. "We just have some stuff to discuss first. Private stuff."
"Alright. See you soon."
Fumiko nods, trying her best to hide the jitters from her tone. "See you soon."
...With each passing moment, it's creeping closer.
They told Makoto to wait outside of the school. And sure enough, when they step outside, he's there. But not before Kiyoshi stops Fumiko in the hallway, and asks her if she's really ready for this.
"Ready as I'll ever be," she admits. "I've been… waiting my whole life for this. Now's the time."
Kiyoshi gives her an understanding nod.
And she places a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ready for this?"
"Ready to back up my best friend?" he asks, cocking his head. "Hell yeah."
They meet up with Makoto outside, and he hops to his feet. Tells them Nagisa went on ahead without them, but he wanted to wait.
"You guys would get so lost."
But the moment he steps forward to follow, Fumiko tells him to stop. And when he pauses… Turning his head over his shoulder to meet her with those familiar eyes, he has the most confused expression on his face.
"Huh. Why?"
And like an inside joke only the two of them are in on, Fumiko and Kiyoshi both step forward with a smile.
"Because we have something important to talk about."