We watched the game together. Felix is so amused by how my former colleagues kill each other in order to survive. I get it now why he wants to wait for the end of the month to announce our engagement. He doesn't want the games to overshadow the news. He wants it to be the headline everywhere.

Champagne is a staple in the house. I don't drink I have drank water since I came here. It's either champagne, wine, or soda. The first night he put his hands on me, I thought, he will stop once he sees my scars but he didn't. The seemed to amuse him more. It wasn't like what he did to me before. I am starting to believe that it was all a show for Snow. Maybe he's telling the truth about the camera being there. I wonder where is the tape now. That is a problem for another day.

I quickly fell in the lifestyle of the Capitol, the one I always knew. Parties, drinks, pills, I fell back the rabbit hole once more. It's deeper than before. I preferred it rather than sit in the living room and watch the game although it's all people talk about in the bar which includes me because I was supposed to be in it. Felix never said a word on how he managed to get me out of it and I never asked. The relationship has been just purely physical. The booze and pills allowed me to actually enjoy being touched by him. On some occasion, imagining Haymitch all over me makes me more active and he likes it. He gives me everything I want, all the material things I want, just say a word and he'll make it happen.

Days became hazy for me. I stopped counting the days I am away from Haymitch and the kids. I guess too much vices will do that to you. There is no way they can call me here and I cannot call them either. I know and I am sure of it that I saw Plutarch few days ago at one party but he didn't approach me. He just watched me from afar and I bet he already reported that to Haymitch. It will be another reason for him to hate me. The idea of parties and me always make him angry. He knows I hate all the pretense that came along with it but I am not pretending this time. I don't go there for Sponsors anymore. I just go there for drinks and pills.

The game is almost over and it's been almost a month since I left Twelve. I found myself in 'our' bedroom alone and with no clothes on. Felix must've left early for a meeting. I am not sure what his job is but it must've been important because he's got piles of money. I walked towards my closet and saw all the expensive and glittering dresses. If you'll ask me before the war if this is the life I want, I would've said yes. I got nothing left to ask for. That was the materialistic Effie. This Effie is different. Well, do I really know what kind of person I am today? My brain is filled with too much bad memories, bad decisions, pain, anger, regret, shame, alcohol and pills to even function right now.

Felix doesn't care if I am a walking mess as long as his bed is warm. When he said he needs to have me, he meant as a trophy. I make him look good and that's all. He doesn't love me. I don't love him. Love at this point is overrated. Fairytale ending is false.

Tonight is not going to be very different from the other nights. Game is over. I don't care who won. I will drink tonight so I can pass out later. I went to my usual spot and ordered my drink. I popped a few pills and started getting wasted. The loud music is great for blocking the talk about the game. I don't want to hear anything about it. I kept drinking until I felt someone took the seat next to me. A lot of guys made passes at me during my time here every night. I turned them down each time. Felix is enough to make me feel sick about myself.

"Not interested. Go away", I said without looking and kept drinking.

"Where is your manners, princess?" he asked.

I stopped drinking. I heard it right…right? It took me a couple of seconds to bring my glass down without breaking it. I couldn't bring myself to look beside me because if it's him, I wouldn't know what to say and if it's not him, I will just be disappointed and probably hallucinating. I don't know which one is worse.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked again.

I turned to his direction and it's him. It is really him. How can he be here? He hates Capitol. He hates this place.

"I must be so drunk right now", I muttered as I closed my eyes hoping when I opened them it's all just imagination.

Then, I felt his hand on mine. That's when I knew it's really happening right now. He is here.

"Come with me now", he said.

"It's not as easy as you think", I said.

"Why? Because of Felix? I know about that, Eff. I am taking you out of here", he asked.

How did he know about that? The announcement is in three days. Does he have friends in the media department?

"I have to stay here, Haymitch", I insisted.

He wouldn't understand but I have to. I made a deal. I have to hold my end of the bargain. My mother used to say it's what makes us Trinkets different from other Capitol citizens. We always take on our promises.

"Why? Tell me why do you have to stay here, Eff? Tell me why do you have to be engaged with him? He hurt you. You don't love him. Help me understand", he asked.

I looked into his eyes and I can see his desperation for answers. If I tell him the truth, he will only feel guilty about it and if I lie, he will see through it right away and he will not leave until he gets the truth from me. Felix can't know he's here. I am screwed. I am trapped and there's nowhere to go.

"if I lose you, I don't think I can take it. I will not survive that, Eff. It will kill me. I know it will", I repeated his words.

I still know it by heart. His eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting that answer from me. Did he really think I don't love him and that I leave him? Would it matter? It's how I wanted him to think of it anyway. Haymitch grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the chair.

"We're going to grab your stuff and we're going home", he said.