Being bored to death while listening to a debate on whether Red dye #40 stunts growth at a PTA meeting, Lorelai thought nothing could be more soul-crushing. Sharing a couch with her mother a week later, Lorelai realized how wrong she was.
In Lorelai's opinion, a month of therapy hadn't done a damn thing. Her mother was still the same stubborn, know-it-all. The only upside was that it wasn't her money being wasted. Lorelai had to give it to Esther. How she had not thrown herself out of a window after four straight weeks Lorelai vs. Emily was incredible. On the couch again, Lorelai hoped she could spend the hour in silence, sleeping with her eyes open.
Esther glanced between them before clearing her throat. "Along with the first three sessions, last week's session was kind of tough. Let's try something different today. Let's talk about when your relationship became so hostile."
"Now what's the point of that?" Emily snapped.
"She's got a point here. It's always been like this, there was no turning point. It's just been one long, long, long, long, road straight to hell."
Emily rolled her eyes.
"You're telling me that the two of you have always talked to each other like this, you're entire lives?" Esther asked.
"I'm very sure didn't I have the amazing linguistic skills I have now, but pretty much."
"Oh please, your mouth was just as opinionated when you were born as it is today. You refused to latch no matter how hard I tried and I had to give you formula. Your grandmother never forgave me." said Emily.
"Breastfeeding?!" Lorelai said with a gasp, "How middle class! Were there no wet nurses available in the surrounding lands?"
"Here we go," Emily said, throwing her hands in the air.
"So sorry mommy, I'll sit here quietly like a good little girl," Lorelai replied.
"Hah! I've been waiting for over fifty years to see that."
"Ladies, let's not start this again," Esther said. She turned to Lorelai. "Have you ever noticed that unless you're arguing with Emily, everything you say to her is a little sarcastic? You know, after a while people, even your mother, can confuse a sarcastic voice with your sincere voice and sometimes it can cross the wires of communication."
"Um, I think not. I tell her plenty of things in plain ol' English but she hears what she wants to hear. And when did you become Emily Gilmore's #1 fan? Aren't therapists supposed to be impartial?"
"Give it a rest, Lorelai. She's been on your side the entire month. Don't you think I deserve to have her on my side? All I get out of these sessions is my daughter accusing me that it's been my life goal to torture her."
Esther held her hands in front of her. "I am not on anyone's side. I'm not–"
"Why do you deserve to have her on your side? What, all the money not taking up enough space?"
"The money quip, again? Be a little more original Lorelai and stop pretending you're some poor thing trawling through the gutter. If you had shaped up like your father and I wanted you to, you wouldn't have had to come begging us for an advance every ten minutes."
"Ladies!" Esther shouted. "It would a small but incredible step forward if we could get through one session without dissolving into a shouting. match."
"It would, wouldn't it," Emily said with a shrug of her shoulder.
Lorelai dropped her head on the back of the couch. "Keep the dream alive, Esther." She blew a few strands of hair out of her face. "I don't really see the point of this. I'm not saying you can't try but I've been trying to make my mother like me for a looooong time. I already got off that hamster wheel."
"Is that what you believe Lorelai? That your mother doesn't like you?"
"Yes Lorelai, is that what you think?" Emily echoed.
"You're kidding, right? At what point in my life did you ever admit that loved, let alone liked me?" she asked, turning to face Emily.
"How about the time I clothed you, fed you and sent you to the best schools for sixteen years before you ran off? How about that time?"
"You mean the time you did the bare minimum as a parent? Oh wow, how super!" Lorelai rolled her eyes. " I've been wrong to you my entire life. I wore the wrong things or ate the wrong things or liked the wrong people or listened to the wrong music–it never ended with you! The only reason you and dad didn't put me out the second you found out about Rory was because according to the DAR, the only person worse than the mother of a pregnant teen was the one that kicked them out." Lorelai loomed over her mother, breathing heavily.
"So why don't you just admit mom? Admit that if I wasn't your problem, it would've been you whispering about those poor parents and that girl. Admit that you never liked me."
Lorelai waited for Emily to jump in and stop her. To stop her and tell her she was being silly and that of course, she liked her. To tell her in that prissy voice that only a monster would dislike her only child and to stop being so dramatic. Instead, Emily sat on the couch, back ramrod straight, lips pursed, and head turned to the side.
"Say something!" Lorelai demanded.
Emily twisted her lips and jerked her chin at Esther. "How much time do we have left?"
Lorelai smiled and shook her head. "Just in one ear and right out the other if it's not exactly what you want to hear, huh?" She snatched up her purse and jacket from the couch. "Don't worry about the time, I'm done with this."
Lorelai stormed out of the office, ignoring Esther's pleas for her to stay.
Overlooking the way that the tail end of winter cut through her thin sweater, Lorelai marched to her car and tossed her things in the backseat. She pulled out of the parking lot with ice flowing through her veins. In the back of her mind, Lorelai always knew the other shoe would drop in regards to her mother's feelings about her. No matter the situation or the things her mother said, Lorelai went crawling back, time after time, hoping things would be different in the future. Maybe therapy had been the right choice for Lorelai.
Only a nutcase would've have held onto the idea of Emily Gilmore ever changing her ways.
Lorelai shoved her mental baggage to the back of her mind and moved on. She spent the day at the Firefly on autopilot. Neither Suki or Michel noticed anything wrong or if they did, they didn't mention it to Lorelai's face. As Lorelai sat in her office getting things ready for the night manager, Michel popped in.
"Devin is finally here, an hour late mind you, so I am finally free. Goodnight."
"Hey, Michel?" Lorelai asked.
"What now?" he asked, turning back around.
"Spoiler alert. Stupid question incoming. Do you like me?"
Michel looked surprised by the question. He cleared his throat. "Well, at my last job, I did not like my boss. Before quitting, I drew up an elaborate plan to burn that place to the ground, with him inside. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that arson gets you deported."
Lorelai didn't realize that Michel was a pyromaniac. Somehow that didn't surprise her. "Is that a yes?" she asked.
"Lorelai, I've been married to an American man for six years and a citizen for twelve. If I didn't like you, this place would've been a pile of ash. Now, goodnight Lorelai."
"Goodnight Michel."
Lorelai tossed Luke US magazine and kept Cosmo for herself.
"That one's a keeper," she said, climbing into bed with him. "Looks like Travis Scott and the littlest Kardashian are heading for a bad time."
Luke rolled his eyes. "I don't care about any of that crap. I read this 'cause it puts me to sleep."
"Really now? So you probably aren't gonna read about Beyonce and Jay-Z's divorce?"
"What?" Luke replied. He flipped through the magazine frantically before glaring at Lorelai.
Lorelai grinned. "This is what every woman dreams of. A man who loves gossip, still has most of his hair and gets called zaddy when his daughter posts him on Instagram."
"Remind me to never let April post pictures of our beach vacation again. People today are so…"
"Creepy?" Lorelai replied.
"No. Godless."
Lorelai snickered and scanned her Cosmo cover. "Ooh, listen to this. '10 Ways to Make Anal Easier'. Fun."
"Like I said. Godless." Luke replied, "Hey, how was therapy today?"
Lorelai shrugged. "Last session."
"How did you and Emily hash out fifty years of crap when it took us two weeks to start looking each other in the face?"
"There was no hashing. I just realized that there's no point in going anymore."
"What do you mean?"
Lorelai shrugged. "Mom and I figured out why we can't get along and since we can't fix it, why go back?"
"What? You can fix it, Esther's good at what she does. You shouldn't give up."
"Even God couldn't fix this, my dear." Lorelai shrugged again. "She doesn't like me. That's it. That's the rub."
"C'mon. Your mother likes you."
"No, Luke. I accused her of some pretty gnarly stuff and she didn't deny any of it. My mother doesn't like me for me. And unless I change overnight into the perfect Connecticut debutant, my mother will never want to be around me. To be fair, this wasn't news or anything," Lorelai said as she flipped a page of her magazine, "But to see her admit that in front of Esther, boy, was that something else."
Lorelai hadn't taken her eyes off of Cosmo's glossy pages while recounting her therapy session with Emily. When his heavy arm wrapped around her, she closed the magazine so her tears wouldn't smudge the pages.