Chapter Thirty

I'm scared to leave him again. Kuon…Corn, his thoughts have always been so different from other people. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I love him so much because he's understanding and yet he's one of a kind as well. There is nobody who has his exact qualities. Still, he is probably the most complicated man that I have ever met and his current opinion on life isn't reassuring to me at all.

The idea that I am staying by his side because I feel indebted to him. I don't like that idea. It's not true at all. I don't want to be angry at him for considering lines that other people are maliciously feeding to him but is that all he sees us as. Yes. This is a new version of Kuon but it's not as if he can magically snap back into who he was without time to recover and I do love him unconditionally. I don't know why he's doubting that.

I go down to the front desk and slam my hands down. I feel that rush of anger and determination sweep through my body as I look at the receptionist. "I need to talk to one of the heads of the hospital about malpractice treatment," I tell her. The receptionist opens her mouth to argue with me but I know when I have that sharp look of a fighter in my eyes that people respond to it.

"Can I ask what this is referring to?" she asks nervously and I turn to the side with a bitter laugh.

"The doctor that was just with my husband telling him that I don't love him and that we're going to get divorced and more than that, insulting him and telling him he has no chance of a bright future. My husband is in a lot of pain. He doesn't need to feel any worse."

I feel my breath catch in my chest. Kuon is here because someone attempted to murder him. He's upset because he faces more disabilities than from his first accident. There was less than a one percent chance of him surviving two traumatic brain injuries in the same place and now someone is playing around with his mind. I won't let them hurt him by twisting his mind.

"Are you going to divorce him?" the receptionist asks and I look at her, my eyes narrowing at being asked such a question even though she has told her superior that I need to speak with him.

"On the day when hell freezes over is when I will divorce him," I tell her in a voice that could freeze anyone out but it's true. I will not divorce Kuon. I love him. She can make whatever judgments she wants about that but it doesn't erase just how deep my love for him is.

…..

….

I blush as I see him with the girls. I'm not sure if that's the right reaction when he just so happens to be your husband but I'm excited by what I'm about to give him. Each day he tries to do something special for all of us. He gives me so many presents and even his chocolates and flowers are more than the regular kind most people would pick up. Everything is special and has a secret meaning to it.

"Kuon," I say as I approach him. Rose has a book about flowers and I can tell that Kuon was telling them what he knows about flowers. He has a lot of knowledge about everything but his joy and love of nature isn't something that everyone knows about. "I want to give you something."

"Hmm?" he asks as he looks at me. "Why?" he smiles happily and I'm caught by those amazing emerald eyes. He's so adorable and his smile, his smile always makes me o happy. "You have a gift? For me?" he points to himself and I want to gently hit him.

"Who else would I have a gift for?" I ask him and he laughs. I pull out a box before freezing. I only now realize that what I've done might not be for the best. Although he still has that watch, he doesn't wear it anymore but maybe I'm imposing.

Kuon opens the box to see a leather band that is supposed to go around a guy's wrist. I designed it for him and it has different stones peeking out so you can only look at it close up. I smile as he studies it and immediately puts it around his wrist.

"It's to keep you safe and grounded and protected," I make an attempt to explain and he smiles. The girls crowd around him to look at the gift and he grins to me.

"Thank you," he says with a huge grin, "I love it."

…..

…..

I finish cooking the food for the girls and a separate soup recipe that Kuon's doctors gave me the recipe to. I'm really glad that I finally get to have him at home with myself and the girls. I think he might recover a little faster being around people who love him so much. He recovered quickly before. Still, I hate how he is isolating himself. He wouldn't even let me snuggle with him in the bed last night and until I offered to sleep in another room, stayed in his wheelchair.

"Girls, the food is on the table so wash your hands and then you can eat!" I call out and hear Ana and Rose go to the bathroom sink. I then serve up a small but decently sized portion of the soup and put it onto the tray. Hopefully it's not too hot.

I walk into Kuon's office where he's spending more time and see him in front of the TV. I want to switch it off because I'm worried about him having a seizure from too much activity. However, the doctors and therapists have each told me that I need to give him some independence for his emotional recovery as well.

I smile as I come to the side of him and place the soup down on the desk next to him. "Hi, sweetheart," I whisper as I crouch down next to him. "I brought you something to eat. Please just eat as much as you are able," I attempt to smile but he glares at me. He's been glaring at me a lot recently and it scares me. Before we fell in love with each other, when I was just a newbie at LME, those glares had seemed to come often. How should I treat them knowing it's been almost twelve years since they were there.

"I'll leave you alone," I whisper wanting to throw my arms around him and hug him and promise him that everything will be okay. I turn to go out of the door and he grabs my wrist preventing me from leaving. "Corn, is there anything -"

Corn takes the remote for the TV and puts it back to a saved point. He's showing me something? I turn and stare at the TV as he hits play. What did he want to show me?

….

"It would seem that when these people, these victims of their traumatic brain injuries return home they are often a burden on their families. It's not only that their medical needs have to be addressed but their spouse often falls out of love with them. It's then walking a fine line between keeping face whilst doing what is expected of them and what they feel is right or terminating their relationship when they realize that they no longer love the victim of the injury," a man says.

….

I stare at Kuon wanting to break the television but I won't. I need to control my anger. I'm not a sixteen-year-old who can throw tantrums any longer. I also want to slap Kuon but he's just come out of the hospital yesterday.

"You even trust them over me," I think aloud out of exhaustion but Kuon turns to me. He looks away and I frown. I want to break something out of this deep frustration. "Do you think that I'm just some stupid girl who admits to love easily?" I ask before taking the remote and turning off the TV. I move the soup to the side so it won't spill.

"Do you hate yourself that much?" I ask knowing that there are tears in my eyes. He looks at me guiltily. I know he is just trying to convince me of something that is in his head but isn't actually real. His plan isn't actually to hurt me or my feelings. "Corn," I whisper as I bow my head. "Listen to me. I love you. I don't know how else to convince you of that but in hypothetical terms, if I was the one who had been hit and I had a brain injury and I needed help and to be taken care of, would you leave me?"

He bows his head and shakes it. It's a relief to me but it's not the end of this conversation. "Listen. I understand how you feel because I know how critical you are on yourself." I put my hand to his cheek and he doesn't suddenly turn. Instead I see the fear in his eyes as he holds it to him. "I'm looking forward to us overcoming this together but I'm more excited to be with you and the girls and celebrate Christmas."

….

….

I sigh. I'm being really unfair to her. If she was in my situation and had to go through the same difficulties that I'm going through, I would be over protective and I would want to help her and I would blame myself, yes, but I wouldn't blame her or criticize her, I'd just want to make sure that nobody could hurt her. I should trust Kyoko to feel the same.

"Sor…" I manage to get out, slurring it at the end and she leans up to kiss my lips before grinning and sitting back.

"Corn. I'm not like those other women, the ones who run as soon as trouble comes," she tries to tell me and I know, she's unique and that's one of the things that I love her for. She is independent and able to live without a man but she chooses to be with me. She can understand the weaknesses that I'm not comfortable showing to other people and that includes my slurred speech.

"K'oko," I manage to garble out and Kyoko turns to me. I hate hearing my voice especially with how different it is but Kyoko has never made fun of me. I feel like anyone has a right to make fun of me for how I sound but she just waits patiently with the same understanding that my parents have. Only two people look at me with this patience and understanding, Kyoko and Dad. Mom is too over-protective to give me space. "Yo…bir'ay" I try to tell her but it comes out as a garbled mess.

"Forget about my birthday," Kyoko tells me before accidentally switching the TV on. We both see a news report and I start to feel those cold chills again, that panic, that want for things to be over. "Kuon?" I see his face despite this being a news show and I start shaking. I want it off. I never want to see his face again. Kyoko turns the TV off again and wraps her arms around me not saying anything about the fear that I'm feeling. She just understands.

End of Chapter Thirty

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Thank you to Kaname671 for their review of Chapter Twenty Nine