Lao's hut wasn't very far away from the common rooms but the way to it felt longer, much longer than usual. It was barely light and Azula's legs felt heavy, just like her heart. Jhana took it upon herself to accompany her and she did so wordlessly, which Azula appreciated. Upon finally coming close to Lao's dwelling she noticed someone leaving it she didn't quite expect to see. Usually his presence inspired exciting and confusing feelings in her but now she would rather not have to face him, not in her current state. Shen noticed her as he left, stopped upon coming close to her and spoke:

"Avida, why so early? You look... what's wrong? You seem shaken. Did someone hurt you? I swear I will..."

It was both comforting and scary how well her new friends were able to sense both her happy and less happy states, Lao's abilities in that regard were powerful and it seemed his students really learned a lot from him. As flattering as Shen's promise of protection and revenge was she couldn't bear to open herself in front of him, not under these conditions. She put her hand on his upper arm, smiled a small smile and said:

"I appreciate it. But please, let me talk to Lao first. It will be alright, worry about your vegetables. I think you neglected them too much in favor of me recently."

Shen looked at her, then at Jhana, who just nodded.

"Alright. But if you need me, you know where to find me."

With these words, he left and Azula entered Lao's hut after saying goodbye to Jhana too. She saw that Maitri was also present, they were drinking morning tea. Lao quickly noticed her and just as quickly noticed the look in her eyes. He skipped the usual pleasantries and didn't even wonder why she came to his place so much earlier than normally expected.

"Avida, come sit with us." he invited her to sit between him and Maitri. She looked as concerned as her husband Azula noticed. She sat down between them, turned her attention to Lao and spoke:

"You can call me by my real name, she knows."

Lao looked at Maitri in mild bewilderment. She calmly nodded. With this knowledge and approval secured he continued:

"Azula, tell me what happened." His voice was mild and far from urging. He knew it might take some time for his charge to find the strength to speak but she didn't take to long.

"I did it, I finally did it last night."

"You talked to him?" Maitri said.

Azula nodded. Under normal circumstances Maitri would have jumped with joy and excitement about her friend's success but something obviously must have gone wrong in the last night so she restrained herself.

Lao continued: "What did he say?"

This time Azula took much longer to respond. Something in her mind hoped that if she just didn't say it would make the words go away but it was against her usual nature to indulge in wishful thinking. What happened last night was as real as the tea before her and she had to face that truth:

"He said I was a shameful failure, no better than my brother and that he can't trust me because I lost my mind."

Lao listened carefully with a firm pose as she spoke but upon hearing her words he sighed heavily.

"I guess Iroh was right about him."

"What did he say to you, about him?"

"That he was a very difficult person, very hard to reach out to. That's the kindest way I can describe it."

"Exactly." Maitri interjected: "Perhaps he didn't really mean it. Perhaps he was just too upset about his own suffering. You said in the past days you were able to see him and send him your love and that he seemed peaceful and happy."

Azula noted her friends words, there were only a small comfort. She glanced at both her mentors, her arms still crossed.

"He was seeing his mother, not me when I did the practices for him. When he realized it was me he... he..."

"He let out all his anger and frustration on you." Lao stated.

"You told me love would inspire love and that people were fundamentally good so why? Why did he do it?"

"Sometimes the poison of anger sits deep in a person, sometimes so much so that it obscures their true nature beyond normal recognition. It is still there but it's heavily clouded making them do things that hurt themselves and others, diminishing their capacity to give and receive love. Your father seems to be such a case. It pains me to hear that he responded so cruelly to your honest desire to help him."

"But I did fail him. I wasn't strong enough to stop Zuko. We lost the war because of me."

"Forgive me for asking but how old were you exactly when he put the burden of the entire Fire Nation on your shoulders?"

"Fourteen, why? What difference does that make?"

Lao sighed again and looked away for a moment before turning his attention back to Azula: "You conquered Ba Sing Se and you were an amazing warrior during the war from what I heard but you were a child, you still are one. I think you are wrongfully blaming yourself, it's unfair to expect a child to handle responsibilities under which most adults would crumble and to expect her to do them alone is just..."

"You don't understand, I'm not some little girl, I'm Azula, princess of the Fire Nation. People expected better of me, they expected me to be their perfect leader, an example. Now I'm just an example of disgrace. I need to redeem myself. I need to free my father. I can't stay here anymore."

"The answer is no." Lao said firmly but continued gently: "What you need is to heal, to find happiness."

"I can't be happy knowing my father thinks of me as a disgrace. I appreciate all you did for me but since you said you wouldn't fight Zuko or the Avatar on my behalf I need to do it alone."

"And get imprisoned or killed?! Azula, I cannot let that happen! I promised I would protect you. Apparently, I need to protect you from yourself now. Think about it for a moment, really think. Consider how much pain you would cause to others if you started this fight, especially to your friends. And for what? I know you love your father dearly but he really needs to show you some appreciation and kindness first."

"He will when I redeem myself."

"And then he will take it away once you don't fulfill his expectations again."

"It wont happen again, I wont allow myself to. He has every right to expect all from me and I have no right to disappoint him."

Maitri spoke: "There are better ways to help him than risking your life and freedom. Continue the practice for him, both at night and day, his heart will soften eventually. I will pray for him too and Lao will do so as well. But please, for us, your friends, stay. Continue what you started. We want to see you happy and healthy. You are strong and brave and we want you. You said you never wanted to experience the pain of abandonment again so don't inflict it on us. Stay where you are safe, where you are cared for."

Lao added the following: "Every day you are more and more becoming the person you are meant to be, deserve to be and I'm proud of you. Don't throw it away. I don't want to see you in chains or have your visions come back."

"When you chased away my mother you said I had a new family. I now know you meant it. I will never understand why you have such love and compassion for me but I want to accept it."

"I made it my sworn duty to help the suffering and compassion is the name of the power that can break its cursed cycle of pain and retribution."

"So, the pain I experience, it's retribution for what I've done?"

"Most likely yes. It still doesn't mean you deserve to endure it forever. There is a way to break the cycle and escape it for good. Master Kung described the method well."

"Don't do unto others what you wouldn't be done unto yourself? Treat them the way you would like to be treated?"

Lao smiled proudly: "Exactly. Take that lesson to heart, engrave it there, not just on paper."

"So what about my enemies? I mean real enemies. People who want me dead or jailed. Will they leave me in peace if I started wishing well to them too?"

"Whether you truly want to reconcile with them is up to you and whether you can is up to them but wishing them well too will benefit you."

"Do you wish well to my uncle Iroh too?"

Lao's eyes saddened and became very serious at the same time: "Its the only way I can preserve my soul from being eaten by hatred. But I will need to face him one day in order to find peace. But I will not risk your safety by contacting him, rest assured. Now, if I may ask you, why do you hate your brother so much?"

Azula sunk into contemplation for a while before she could respond: "To be honest. I didn't always. You asked me on our first day whether I wanted to be loved by my mother. I did, but I wasn't. He was. And not just by her, by my uncle, my cousin, my friends. All of them chose him over me in the end. It would have been alright if at least he had treated me differently, but to him I was a monster too. I wanted his love and attention but he was always so focused on outshining me in front of father, and I couldn't let him. There is so much else I..."

She felt Maitri's hand on her shoulder: "It's OK Azula, I think you revealed enough. Unless you feel relieved talking about it."

"You are right, I will talk about it another time. I think I shared enough of my pain for now, you deserve a break too."

"Good, that means you are willing to stay with us. Breakfast will start soon. Perhaps after meditation you will feel even better and we can discuss further as we continue with the scroll."

Azula nodded. She felt conflicted, she really couldn't abandon them after all they did for her. She might have double crossed her enemies before but an ally like Lao and Maitri... On the other hand, she still needed to figure out a way how to help her father. However, her new family's words didn't go without effect, she was really starting to doubt her decision to risk it all to help Ozai.

Perhaps meditation would give her the needed clarity.