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"It's not funny!" Ladybug snaps. Chat Noir just continues to sag against the metal tip at the top of the Eiffel Tower and clutch at his sides. How can he not? The irony of this!

"It's – it's hilarious!" he chokes. "Rena and Carapace hate each other but they're dating!"

"Alright, maybe the dramatic irony is a little funny," Ladybug concedes after a moment. Yes! Score! "But they have to be able to work together, Chat! I'm planning on having them patrol together, so they can trust each other as partners like we do."

"Oh, they already trust each other," Chat Noir says with a devious little grin. He yowls when Ladybug reaches out and flicks his bell into his chin in response. "Hey! Hands off the bell!"

"Why do I put up with you?" Ladybug mumbles. Months ago, a comment like that might have hit Chat deep down, feeding into insecurities, adding to the dark voices telling him that he's not enough. But between Ladybug's grounding presence by his side and his friends and the hurricane that is Marinette, her comment just bounces right off and instead makes his grin wider.

"Because I'm irrepawceable," he says. Ladybug rolls her eyes to high heaven.

"That one wasn't even good enough to be mediocre," she says. "If you need to stretch that far, just don't make the pun."

"I see how it is," Chat Noir huffs and flops down to rest his head in Ladybug's lap. She rolls her eyes again but still starts scratching behind his fake ears, and if he closes his eyes, it's almost like it's Marinette scratching him instead.

"How are things with Marinette?" Ladybug says after a moment. "You seem happier lately."

Chat Noir sighs and purrs, because inviting him to talk about his girlfriend is pretty much the best way to put him straight on cloud nine. "She's perfect, milady," he says. "She's always got cookies for me and cheese buns for Plagg, and she's so smart and creative, and I could just sit and watch her design for hours because she gets so into it and her tongue does this little blep and just – aaaah, she's an angel."

"Always the romantic," Ladybug says fondly, though there's an odd little crack in her voice that Chat Noir can't even begin to decipher. When she digs her fingers into his scalp, he doesn't want to begin to decipher it.

"She's even okay with me liking another person at the same time," Chat Noir says. "So long as I'm open with her about my feelings. And I looked up polyamory the other day and…well, it said that you can't just jump into a relationship with another person unless you and the first person can stand on your own."

"That makes sense," Ladybug says. "One relationship is enough effort. I think it's a good idea that you and Marinette are focusing on yourselves for now." She twirls a lock of hair around her fingers, and Chat Noir lets out a particularly loud purr at that. "I'm glad you're happy, kitty cat. I don't feel so bad now about telling you that, well…I've got a boyfriend."

Chat Noir's eyes fly open and he jolts upright. "Really? And you're only telling me now? I clawght we were purrtners, mewlady."

"We won't be if you keep up those awful puns," Ladybug deadpans. Then she sighs and squares her shoulders. "And…yeah. I can't tell you who he is – identity reasons and all, since I'm dating him outside the mask – but…he's so sweet. A little shit at times, yeah, but he's really thoughtful and I secretly love his sense of humour. Not that he'd let me live it down if I told him that."

"Aah, milady has her first boyfriend," Chat Noir says and nudges her. "I hope he knows that he'll have to answer to me if he hurts you."

"Trust me, I think he'll be more afraid of me than you," Ladybug says. Chat Noir sniffs.

"Fine. Be like that. Even though you're totally right and you're scary when you're pissed. I'd hate to be the guy who hurt Ladybug."

"I don't think that'll be a problem at all," Ladybug says with a knowing little smile. Is there an inside joke that he's missing? "And it's not like he knows I'm Ladybug. I'm dating him as civilian me, not superhero me."

"I still stand by my statement," Chat Noir says. "With or without the mask, only someone as deluded as Hawkmoth would mess with you."

"Aww, isn't this cute," coos a voice. Chat Noir jerks in surprise as Rena Rouge leaps down from the very tip of the Tower and lands in a crouch, her mouth pulled in a teasing little smirk and her eyes glittering behind her orange and white mask.

"You know it's rude to eavesdrop on private conversations, right?" Ladybug says, raising an eyebrow. Rena Rouge shrugs.

"Maybe you shouldn't discuss it in the middle of Paris, then."

"Who's gonna be up here except annoying, eavesdropping foxes?" Chat Noir says. Rena Rouge rolls her eyes.

"Alright, touché. When's Shellhead getting here?"

"Carapace is right here." A dark green shape leaps up to the tiny platform from below, where he'd obviously been scaling the Tower. "No need to be such a bitch, dude."

"Me, a bitch?" Rena Rouge snorts. "That's rich."

"Can we not?" Chat Noir says. "Just sit down and try to get along or Ladybug'll make you wear the getting-along shirt."

"Rena wasn't flirting," Ladybug says with twitching lips as Rena Rouge and Carapace obediently sit. "She's just a superhero enthusiast. I'd think Carapace could appreciate that enthusiasm, judging by his friends, especially one in particular. And Carapace was just being loyal, and Rena should admire his dedication to his girlfriend. Done? Done. We're a team, and I refuse to have you two at each other's throats because of a misunderstanding."

"Now, kiss and make up," Chat Noir grins. Ladybug elbows him in response. Okay, okay, but how could he help that, knowing who Rena Rouge and Carapace are?

"I'd phrase it a different way," Ladybug says. "Apologise, both of you. My god, when did I turn into the mum friend?"

"Sorry for being a dick," Carapace finally says, crossing his arms.

"Sorry for getting all bitchy at you," Rena Rouge says, scowling down at her feet. Ladybug smiles and claps her hands.

"See? All better!" she coos, rather like a preschool teacher. Chat Noir bites down on his lip to keep his laughter at that one way down. "Now, I had a good talk with Rena after the battle, and I think it would be a good idea to implement a rule about personal ties with akumas."

Chat Noir immediately sees where this is going. "Agreed," he says. "No fighting an akuma if it's too personal."

"But what if it's a family member?" Rena Rouge says. "I realised about two minutes after Ladybug left me. If I have to sit that one out because it's too personal, won't Carapace figure out who I am? And the other way around?"

"Yeah, why did Faux News set Rena Rouge off like that?" Carapace says. Ladybug swears under her breath.

"How unladylike, milady," Chat Noir grins. Ladybug once again elbows him. Okay, it would probably be a good idea to move himself away from elbowing reach, but that would involve sitting away from his lady, and then he won't get that affection that he so desperately craves in his very soul.

Honestly, fuck Gabriel Agreste. It's getting to that point, even if there's still a twinge of have to be the dutiful son, he'll be proud if I try hard enough lingering.

"That's a good point," Ladybug says.

"About the Faux News thing, it's because he was plagiarising m – uh, the Ladyblogger," Rena Rouge says. "And I hate it when people steal other people's work, especially because Alya puts a shit tonne of work into that thing and she didn't deserve that. Guess I just…got overly invested."

There's newfound respect in Carapace's eyes as he stares at Rena Rouge, no doubt at her staunch defence of his girlfriend, who unknowingly happens to be her. Dear god, Chat Noir's going to puke up rainbows in a minute.

"But I think I'll be okay, Ladybug," Rena Rouge says. "Dick News caught me by surprise. And if you guys can't just step back when shit gets personal, it shouldn't be fair to expect us to back off too."

"Yeah, it's called teamwork," Carapace drawls. Rena Rouge flips him off and mutters something about turtle soup in its own shell.

"Productive team meeting," Chat Noir grins before Carapace can clock Rena Rouge around the head with his shield. "What's next on the agenda?"

"Oh!" Rena Rouge jabs a finger at Carapace. "The group chat! Emails, guys, and Shellhead needs to shut his eyes because I have to detransform to get my phone."

While Carapace dutifully slaps a hand over his goggles, Rena Rouge transforms back into Alya, and Trixx settles in Alya's bag to munch on a berry, Ladybug fishes a strip of paper out of her yo-yo to hand over. Chat Noir rummages in one of his suit pockets until he finds his burner email address, and Carapace doesn't even need to look at any kind of note to be able to rattle it off to Alya. Her tongue pokes out of her mouth as she works her magic, although it's nowhere near as cute as when Marinette bleps, but everything about Marinette is so much cuter than anyone else, so there might just be a bit of bias there –

"– done!" Alya's voice snaps Chat Noir out of his Marinette daze. "We can't exactly test it up here, so it'll have to wait till we're home, but the invite links I emailed should work once you've made your accounts. If not…well, I'll beat my phone till they do. Trixx, let's pounce."

Carapace doesn't uncover his eyes until Rena Rouge tells him that it's okay to do so, and there's a glimmer of respect in her eyes at this action that hadn't been present before. But she still looks like she wants to shove her flute through his throat, so all's still right in the world. At least they should trust each other enough to be efficient teammates. Hopefully.

"So, like, any more heroes gonna be joining us?" Carapace says. "Or is it just gonna be us four?"

Chat Noir exchanges a look with Ladybug as they have one of their silent conversations, possible only because of the bond they've forged over the past year thanks to Hawkdouche. It's probably not a good idea to mention the zodiacs; even if Hawkmoth has an inkling that they exist, there's no sense in giving two newbies too much information. Especially since they're probably not even going to give out any of the zodiacs unless they absolutely have to do so.

"There are five Miraculouses in your tier," Ladybug finally says. "Fox, Bee, Turtle, Peacock, and Butterfly. The Peacock and Butterfly were lost ages ago, so they're not viable. But yes, we're keeping our eye out for a suitable Bee holder."

Well, she's not technically lying. The Peacock was lost ages ago, and it's not a viable option because it's still broken and because Gabriel will know that Adrien had been lying about the fake brooch.

"Ladybug and I are in the top tier," Chat Noir says. "We're the balance of the universe." He shoots a grin at Ladybug, who just rolls her eyes.

"We should wrap this up," Ladybug says. "I, uh…may have some important homework to do that's due tomorrow."

"Naughty, milady," Chat Noir teases. "Leaving your homework to the last minute."

"If you wanted me to shove you off the Tower, all you had to do was ask," Ladybug says with a sweet smile. Rena Rouge snorts into her hand.

"As much as this Ladynoir banter is killing me, Ladybug's got a point," she says. "I have babysitting responsibilities. Ugh. Damn siblings, existing when I could be spending time with Ladybug."

"Wow, that sounds like something my girlfriend would say," Carapace snickers. Chat Noir rolls his eyes at Ladybug when Rena Rouge and Carapace aren't looking, and Ladybug bites down on her lip to muffle her laughter.

"Check your emails!" is Rena Rouge's parting comment as she pushes herself to her feet, then starts to bound down the Eiffel Tower. Carapace salutes at Ladybug and Chat Noir and follows her.

"Well," Chat Noir says as he stands. "That was a fun little get-together. Allow a mangy alley cat to escort you home, milady?"

"Nice try," Ladybug says, though she does let him help her up. "You won't get my identity that easily."

"Fine," Chat Noir huffs. "I see how it is. You can walk home yourself, then."

"Fine with me." Ladybug boops him on the nose, then takes off swinging, calling over her shoulder, "Last one to the school's a rotten akuma!"

"Hey!" Chat Noir whines and leaps after her. "No fair! You cheater!"