Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns is all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

Guest: Thank you for finding it interesting and for liking it. I aim for that 😊.

RabbitMelody: Yes Ashley need's help. Don't know what kind but she does. Hopefully she figures her shit out. Let's hope. Love that you're still reading. Thank you.

ThickBlackGirl: I know we talked already but you're right, Jazzy needs some! But we'll see. I'm hoping it happens soon cuz I'm lowkey getting frustrated to LOL. Oh and I'm happy you found the info in this story knowledgeable. I'm hoping it resonates with people. Thanks for reading TBG.

CHAPTER 30:

Breathe Jazmine. Breathe. Remember. Over four hundred cups of lemonade in two days, only secretary for the Black Jesus play, turned on the generator he used for the chicken flu week right before it exploded and the only one that read his survival plan, helped him get that antibiotic for that strep throat, the many fights I'm starting to remember I walked into and knew if I didn't stay for a little they would take out the bb guns again, Chicago, Chicago in those trees with my little sister, stopping that girl trying to hurt him with that knife, coming back and starting to sleep with him and learning how to do it even though I wanted to kiss him every time but knew I wasn't ready for more and I'm starting to think he wasn't ready either, and last week tasting him and then again the next day. And then there's all those times he didn't know about and kind of knows about now, like why I didn't always meet him and Riley at our lunch table in elementary was because I didn't want him to see my puffy eyes after those girls would find me in the restroom. And then in 6th grade where the only reason they didn't beat me up like they did other kids, just called me names, was because they knew who my mom and dad were. My dad. Tom. Then there's Tom and all those nights almost going into their room to check on her because I knew, I knew it was more than pushing and I should've gone in. Even if all I did was stand there and scream at him or cry. I should have. I inhale. But that's in the past. And right now I want to thank him for everything. Everything he doesn't know. How the only reason I was able to stop crying in the restroom at school or at home or in the mornings before meeting him at the bus stop was because he was waiting for me. He was always waiting for me. Even if he thought I was annoying and cried too much or even if he ever thought I was dumb, he was always waiting for me, ready to let me give him that hug. He's waiting. And everything that's happened is telling me I have more courage today and I can do this. And, I want to say it to him.

I exhale, knock, and say, "Its me." I feel my smile knowing he's putting his book down right now, placing those clean toes on that carpet, walking to the door, and I see that door open. I see those toes, those thick calves, those dark green basketball shorts, go up and inhale, seeing that black t-shirt with the Fight the Power Public Enemy white logo in the front. I need to remember to get him another one. I keep going up and see those broad shoulders that really made him look like Mugen, that mocha colored neck, wondering when he really got this much taller than me, keep going up, see those lips that are the softest ones in the world, those eyes that are dark burgundy right now, and feel my smirk, not being able to help how warm my cheeks are right now thinking about how cute he really is.

I look back down at those lips, wondering if I should. Normally his door is open so I just walk in and close the door behind me. Then, when we're alone, behind his closed door, we kiss. But with it being almost mid-November it's getting cold and with Grandad not wanting to use the heater in the house because the electricity bill will be too high Huey's keeping his door closed to keep the room warm. I feel my smile knowing he does it for me. He knows I'm always cold. He leaves his door closed so he can keep his room warm with his small heater on for me. He doesn't do it for himself, he does it for me. Huey doesn't need the heater for himself because he doesn't really get cold. I even think he kind of likes the cold. But he also doesn't know he doesn't get cold because he's so warm inside.

But, looking at those lips, knowing he does all that stuff for me, I still feel weird about it. I mean even though I really want to do it it's such a 'girlfriend-boyfriend' thing to do, to kiss each other as soon as the door opens, where I'm still in the hallway of his house and everyone that's home can still see us, even if it's only Grandad. I see him exhale, see that face lower itself to me, feeling that warmth in my stomach knowing he wanted to kiss me to, close my eyes, and feel those warm lips on my lips, making me realize just how cold my lips got from just walking over here. I feel those lips push in, push back on them, open my mouth, and then then feel those lips move away. I feel my forehead scrunch up, open my eyes, see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and hear him say, "What took you so long?"

I exhale and look away, really not liking that I'm just this bad at lying. I hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine." I look back at him, swallow, and I say, "Can I come in first please?" I see that cute smirk, see him move to let me in, and I step in, feeling that heat hit me. I want to smile at how happy it makes me feel that he wanted me to be warm and turned on his small heater probably way before I was supposed to show up. I put my bag down, hear him closing the door behind me, and I start taking off my converse to leave by the door, something he doesn't have to tell me to do but I noticed he started doing that this week. I know he'll say he does it because it's sanitary to not step inside his bedroom with shoes that were used outside but I think he also does it because this is his room now and he wants to have it like this, with taking my shoes off at the door. I also noticed him doing new things to his room this week, like how he moved the TV stand to the corner I think to make an open space in the middle of the room, the chair he brought in maybe to do some of his training in here, the shelves and tools in the corner behind the door I know he's using to build a new bookshelf, and a new sock drawer by the bed that I can use to put my night bag on top of. It's actually a big room. And I remember the last time I was in here, before Huey moved into this room, was when Tom stayed here that time they got in a fight over me wanting to see Usher to get an autograph. That was before he got mean. That was when he was still my dad.

I hear that voice say, "Jazzy." I inhale, feeling his warmth behind me, that warmth that's a different warmth, a maroon colored warmth, that no heater can give me. And that voice. That voice has always been my warm blanket that's always made pain go away even when he was telling me the truth about the world. Even when he told me that we're all going to die one day, hearing that voice, made that truth not too painful. In his own Huey way, he's always made pain go away. And I want to give him something to bring back a different time for him, hopefully a good time for him.

I turn around, see those eyes, and know I want to say it. So just say it Jazmine. Like last year. Just say it. I smile and I say, "Happy birthday Huey!" I see him exhale through his nose, I giggle, and he says, "Jazmine." I say, "No bestie. All you said was that I couldn't tell anyone what day it is and I never have. Not one person. Well." I look to the side, feel my small smile, and I hear him say, "Jazmine, who did you tell?" I turn back and look at his chest, twisting my lips, feeling a little embarrassed, and I say, "Just my diary. I mean I just wanted to write it down because it was important to me." I see that chest move up, hear him inhale, then exhale, and after a few seconds I hear him say, "Fine. Let's get it over with." I look up, can't help the smile I know is on my face right now, see that tint on those Freeman cheeks, that pull on his smirk, and know a smile on my bestie when he's trying to hide it. I say, "Okay, wait here." I see that forehead scrunch, I giggle, and I say, "Bestie, just wait here okay." Before he can say anything I move around him, open the door, walk into the hallway, shiver from the cold hitting me, walk over to the front door, grab it, exhale, and walk back to his room.

I walk in, close the door behind me with my elbow, see him standing by the window, looking down with his arms crossed over that wide chest, with that face, and I say, "No bestie." I see him look up at me, see his eyes open seeing me holding it, and I continue, "No thinking about all the problems going on outside of this room, at least until after you open your gift okay." I see that mouth open and I cut him off with, "And you're not going to tell me to take it back or that you don't want it okay. Now open your 16th year birthday present even if I know you don't like celebrating your birthday or any other holidays. And." I stop, exhale, see those eyes look up at me, remember I left my hair down and fluffy like I like it, and I continue, "I want to keep celebrating your birthday for as long as you're my best friend, as selfish as that sounds." I walk up to him, feel my throat dry up looking at those lips, and I stop a few inches away from him.

I give him those seven seconds he needs, see him exhale, see that smirk, those arms uncross and feel the gift being pulled out of my hands. I feel my smile, see him shake his head with that cute smirk, see him look down at the square shaped present, see that eyebrow rise, and I hear him say, "How much of that paper did," I roll my eyes and cut him off with, "Open it bestie." I hear that annoyed exhale, but not as deep as normally when he's really annoyed. I feel my eyes open as I start to realize, seeing how carefully he's opening it, holding it on the sides really lightly, taking the tape off from the edges first to not hurt whatever's inside by just ripping the paper, that Huey likes presents, but maybe he doesn't think he deserves them, maybe because he doesn't celebrate birthdays, at least I didn't think he did until this year, or because of that family. Well, just like that first day we started dating, I'll start by showing him he deserves all the presents he ever gets, and feel my smile coming back. I see him get to that brown paper that's folded the long way, unfold it, see him inhale, and know he can see half of it now. I see him look up at me with those wide eyes and that opened mouth that I want to kiss again, and he says, "How?"

I want to remind him that it annoys him when people ask that and 'why' but right now I need to remind him he deserves all the gifts he ever gets, even if it's only ever from me. I inhale and say, "It's a replica. I found out more about it. The painter's name was Charles Dawson and it's called The Crisis or The Last Marble. I know he painted it in the 1920s so it had to do with life between the second and first world wars that we talked about in our history class and just how people in the cities lived right before the Great Depression." I stop, exhale, and continue, "I think what the painter was trying to show was just how, back in that time, kids were kind of closer because what mattered was if you had money or if you didn't. If you didn't, you just didn't eat. It didn't matter what color you were. So that's why it doesn't matter that there's one white boy with a bunch of other black boys playing marbles together on the street. What mattered was that at least when they were playing, out on the streets, dirty and hungry, the color of their skin didn't matter. They just wanted to play marbles. And." I stop, see him looking back down at that painting, with the wrapping paper still covering half of it, walk up to him, and I see that he's not moving, just breathing. I exhale, walk up behind him, exhale longer, knowing he doesn't like surprises or jerky movements when he's stressed, and slowly, bring my hands up, put my fingers on his shoulders, then my palms, feel him exhale, bring my hands down his back, to his lower back, walk up closer, and hug him from behind, like I did at the cemetery and I do every Saturday night when we sleep together in this room.

I put my cheek on that back, exhale, and I continue, "I knew this was the one painting you looked at the most and you even said you liked it and I wanted you to have something here at home from that museum where Ms. Annette said you handed flyers to make the people aware and got in fights when those people tried arguing with you because that's just you being my bestie." I giggle, thinking about Caesar and him getting in fights with a cute afro and those dreads. I can't help it and I start laughing thinking about them at that age and how cute they must've been. I hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine?" I stop laughing, exhale, hug him tighter, happy he's letting me hug him like this during the day, when we're not in a cemetery, and I say, "I was just thinking about you and Caes getting in fights with a little afro and short dreads. You two must've been so cute." I hear that exhale through his nose, I giggle, and hear that voice say, "What did I say about calling me cute Jazmine." I smile, turn my face to that back, kiss it, knowing I'm annoying him, and I say, "I said you were cute, like past tense, Huey." I put my cheek back on that back and say, "So, do you like it?"

I hear that long exhale and close my eyes, knowing we have all night, I can keep annoying him until I leave tomorrow, and feel my smile. I wait, feeling him breathe in and out, and after maybe half a minute, knowing I don't want to push him to say anything, I also remember about what I left in the kitchen. I open my eyes and I say, "Oh and I was late because I needed to wrap it up after it finally got here a few hours ago and I was making dinner so if you wanna eat now," but I stop when I hear him say, "Yes." I reply, "Okay well, I need to heat up the food just a little so I'll," but he cuts me off with, "It's exceptional. Thank you."

I look down at the carpet by the TV stand, not knowing what to say, feeling embarrassed and happy. He said it's exceptional. The gift I got him is exceptional. I would say 'I love it' or 'I like it a lot' but Huey doesn't talk like that. Sometimes he talks like a normal teenage, especially with Riley or his friends, sometimes he talks like an adult in his twenties that's gone to college and has a job in some law firm, and sometimes he talks like this, like he's from another time, a time when boys his age had to read a lot of books on business to take over their family's business at sixteen. I think I've heard Huey say it's the 'Victorian Age'. I don't really know. I'm still taking history classes where I get B's on assignments because I don't always remember what year that thing the teacher is asking us about happened. But Huey shows up to those classes, takes the tests, and gets high grades without even trying. I even think he only shows up to not get marked absent because it can hurt his grade or to tell me about things the teacher got wrong during lecture. But he talks like that, especially when we're alone. He talks like he's from that time. And, I think he likes talking like that, like the 'Victorian Age' more than any other way, maybe because of all the books he reads from black activists that also talked like that. I remember a few weeks ago when I read a few paragraphs with him, sitting on the bed, before we went to sleep, from The Souls of Black Folk, that book sounded like that, like the 'Victorian Age'. So, maybe talking like that even makes him feel like he's in that time with those activists, like the writer of that book. I don't know if he knows this or if he's ever thought about this. I don't know if he knows all that reading, that research, that hard work he's always done, at least since I met him when we were ten years old, really made him sound different, talk different, different from people our age. He's always sounded different, more grown up. But now, with all those books he's read in the last six years he sounds like that, like he's from the 'Victorian Age'.

I feel my smile hearing him unwrapping the gift. I bring down my arms and I say, "Okay, well I'll go heat up the food." I feel my smile get bigger hearing him continue to unwrap it, move around that torso, and walk out of the room to heat up the food.

I know I've made it before but I know he ate a few plates last time. And I added something new anyways.

I hear his light footsteps, hear him open the cupboard, and feel my smile, knowing we get to spend his birthday like this. My little sister and Riley are hanging out with Ed and Rummy and Grandad's upstairs because he said he felt tired after going for a walk in the park, even though he seemed fine and kind of happy when I saw him before I went into Huey's room. He was even humming Gangstalicious's new song when he was walking upstairs. And mom is spending time with Leo at our house. So, it's just Huey and me. I smile thinking about it. But then I start to wonder if this is weird. Is it weird that we like staying at home on Saturday nights and just watching TV or movies, with Huey sometimes reading and me reading some of those books I found in our attic? Or me sitting on the bed with my legs over his thighs, watching my favorite show, while he reads? Like, are we supposed to be doing something else, like going on dates?

I hear that monotone voice say, "Stop thinking about whatever it is you're thinking because it's probably not true." I look up, still holding the plate I was putting down on their kitchen table, where we ate that cereal during the chicken flu week and see him putting down two cups of water on the table. I smile at my bestie and I say, "No. It's kind of true." I see that eyebrow rise, laugh through my nose, wondering when I started doing that, see him exhale, and I continue, "We are kind of different from other people our age that want to be out doing stuff like dates and maybe going to parties, I don't know." I exhale, sit down, see him sit down, looking at me with those pursed lips, making him look adorable, and I say, "But I kind of like doing what we're doing. Just being at home, where it's just us." I see that pull on his face, wonder if I can kiss him right now, and I hear him say, "Thank you for." I see him stop, see that blush on those chocolate cheeks, see those pursed lips again, and hear him continue, "For making it."

I smile, look back down at the vegetarian style eggplant moussaka I made on my little sister's birthday, and I say, "Well I know we're not supposed to really be celebrating anything today but I still know you liked it from last time." I stop, feel my cheeks getting warm, and I say, "And, I added just some slices of those jalapenos you like." I stop, exhale, look back at those eyes, and see that burgundy going into that darker color, wondering if that just happened when I told him about the jalapenos. I start feeling that warmth in my stomach, look away, and continue, "Because even though we're not supposed to be celebrating today, it is a special day. But." I stop, exhale, and say, "I'm sorry if it's too much, you know with the dinner and the way I changed the recipe. I was trying to not do too much because I know you don't like celebrating this day. But." I inhale, remember he's my Huey, turn back to him, see that look again that I haven't seen in a while, the one where he looks vulnerable, and wonder if he knows he does that sometimes. I smile at my bestie and continue, "I just always want you to get at least one present and now that we are." I stop, swallow, feel my face completely red, really hoping I get over how I always get this red with him, and say, "Dating, I also always want to make sure you have at least a dinner where you get to eat something you like on this day."

I see those eyes blink and wonder why I ever thought they were reddish brown. They're so much prettier than that. I see those lips move and hear him say, "It's not too much." I feel my smile.

After eating while we listen to my Sagun Pandora channel that I know we both like, even if he never says it, I ask, "So do you think we'll have more AP classes together next year because I hope we do." I see those eyes look up at me, feel my cheeks getting warm, not believing I just said that, see that smirk, and he says, "Chances are high we'll continue so long as we're on the same trajectory of graduating the same year and have taken the same science and math classes but." I see him stop, see that eyebrow rise, see him inhale, and he says, "If you continue slapping imbeciles, even if they deserve it, those chances will continue to lower."

I exhale, look away, and say, "That jerk deserved it and I'll do it again if he ever talks to her like that again." I hear that exhale through his nose, look back at him, wondering if he's annoyed with me, see him looking down at the table, and he says, "Don't worry about that. Hiro will take care of it." I open my mouth, hear the words coming out, wanting to take them back as soon as they're out, and hear myself say, "What did Laurie mean about Hiro doing more than beating up." I stop, close my eyes, and know I want to take it back. I exhale, open my eyes, see those dark burgundy eyes looking at me, and I say, "Huey I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. That's about Hiro's past and no matter how close Laurie and I are getting I shouldn't be asking about what she said about him." I see him exhale, see the eyebrow rise and that smirk again, and he says, "When did you become fluent in Spanish?"

I feel my smirk, know my cheeks are getting redder thinking that Huey thinks I know that much Spanish, and I say, "Well, I'm not fluent. I just know a few words and how to say some sentences but." I stop, exhale, and say, "You remember how I told you about that family that was mean to her about her skin color, even though it's really pretty and some girls would kill to have that color that doesn't get red being out in the sun and it doesn't confuse people about what she is." I exhale and look away, looking at the couch in the living room where we all hang out, like families do, a family full of people from different races even if Huey says races aren't real, and I say, "She's a Latina and people don't tell her she's something else. She's just a really pretty Latina. Not something in the middle that's confusing." I feel my smile coming back knowing I kind of know what I am today. I look back at him, see those eyes looking at me with those pursed lips, and I say, "But that family and an older sister she has were mean to her. And I think it's because of her older sister that Laurie and I are getting close, because she kind of wants me to be an older sister for her. So." I stop, feel my smile getting bigger, and I say, "Laurie kind of uses teaching me Spanish so we can text and just talk a lot and be close." I exhale and I say, "Even though she doesn't have to because she's really sweet and funny and she doesn't need to teach me anything for me to want to hang out with her." I see him exhale, remember what we were talking about, and I say, "So I'm not fluent in Spanish but I know some words and I know what she said on Monday to that jerk about Hiro doing worse things than beating up guys. So, I just wanted to know if he has done worse things, but I don't have to know. That's Hiro's past so you don't have to tell me if you don't want to okay." I exhale, smile at him, and hope that oyster with that pearl doesn't ever close itself off to me because I ask too many questions.

I see him take a long exhale and after those seven seconds, I look down, lean over, grab his plate, put it on top of mine, knowing he's done eating since there's no more of my dish left, and I hear him say, "He's done worse." I stop, look back up at those eyes, and feel my eyes open. I see him exhale and he says, "After that first visit for Moe Jackson's funeral, Caes called to apologize for not being in Chicago during my visit, even though I knew he was in Jamaica visiting his mother and I told him I would see him next time we went." I see him inhale and he says, "He also said the reason Hiro didn't return Riley's phone calls was because his family was keeping him off the streets and out of contact with everyone until after they figured out how they would clean up the mess." I see him exhale, look away, see that scrunched forehead, and he says, "His sister had been attacked by some fucken idiot at her middle school." I see him inhale, look back at me, and I see he looks mad, really mad. I look down at that hand, see it's in a fist, and I move my hand up slowly and put my finders through those knuckles. I look back up, see him looking at my hand that's over his, see him exhale, and he says, "He attacked her after school when there was no one around." I see him inhale and he says, "They found her later that day, alive, but not well." I inhale, feeling so scared for Hiro's sister and feeling horrible thinking about what happened, and remembering how lucky I am that Huey was there for me. Huey. My bestie. His temperature's dropping.

I look down at that hand, feeling his temperature dropping, put my fingers further through those knuckles, and I hear him say, "Jazzy, I'm." I look up and see those eyes looking at me. I see him exhale and hear him say, "I was almost too late." Mark. I exhale. He's thinking about Mark, when he attacked me, and I didn't know how to defend myself yet. My bestie. He's always cared. I feel my small smile and I say, "Huey you got there on time and that's why nothing happened to me okay." I feel that temperature not dropping anymore, but it's not going up so I continue, "And today, because of you and Riley I would not only flip him over but I wouldn't panic. I would flip him over, wait for him to get up, drop down, swing my legs out, and make sure he hits the ground hard before I walk away, making sure I don't turn my back to him okay." I feel that hand becoming that warm hand I know, see him exhale, and I say, "Please continue."

After a few seconds, letting him think about whatever he needs to think about, I see those lips move and he says, "After Hiro found out what happened to his sister, he went to look for that fucken imbecile, found him and." I see him stop, know he's thinking again, and I wait. Then, I hear him say, "It gets dark from here Jazmine. Are you sure you want to know?" I squeeze those knuckles that are luckily at that temperature I really like and then hear him say, "He put that fucken imbecile in a coma." I inhale, see those dark burgundy eyes looking at me, and I hear him say, "Jazmine." I exhale, blink, once, twice, remember all those days hanging out in Chicago, how he helped at the park, all of us playing that last day in Aunt Cookie's house, and how he was making Lauren blush at the barbecue. Lauren. How much Lauren likes him and calls him her Hiro and how cute they are when Hiro whispers in her ear. He protects Lauren and makes her happy. I know he does. I exhale and say, "He's not just Hiro, he's Laurie's Hiro, he's Hiro that I think is almost Riley's best friend even though it's cute that they won't admit it, he's Hiro that helped you guys at the park that day, and he's Hiro that." I stop, inhale, and say, "That defended his sister that day, like you've always defended me and Riley's always defended my little sister okay."

I see that long exhale from him again and then he says, "The imbecile came out of that coma within a few days and with his family's influence, Hiro was cleared of all battery charges. I believe that fucken moron was moved away and given precise instructions by Hiro's family to never come near Hiro or his sister again or the result would not be a comatose state." I see him exhale and he says, "After they moved that fucken moron and things settled, Hiro called to say he was fine, but." I see him stop, inhale, and he says, "Hiro's family who had used their influence to alleviate that problem was trying to recruit him for some of their activities." I inhale. Poor Hiro. I hear him say, "He did some of the jobs they asked him to do and then, after he was connected to his family's activities, decided to step away and make a reputation of his own, if only to keep anymore morons from getting to his sister." I see him exhale and he says, "I don't know the details but after some time Hiro's parents decided to move out of Chicago and only visit that part of their family when necessary."

I exhale, feeling his thumb moving over my finger, wondering if he knows he's doing that, and I hear him say, "So the answer is yes. He's done worse than beat up idiots." I inhale and exhale. And, for some weird reason, maybe because of the hamster I can be or because sometimes I just think about things that kind of connect with each other, I remember how special Riley is, enough that even the Wunclers know it, and how that special person takes care of my talented, beautiful, wonderful little sister. That special person is kind of Hiro's best friend and Hiro is just as sweet and protective of Lauren as Riley is of my sister. And Lauren calls him her Hiro. I feel my smile and hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine."

I blink, see those eyes staring at me, and I say, "So he protected his sister, protected his friends at that park, and now protects one of my closest friends here at home and helps Riley make us all laugh at lunch every day at school and I know he's a good person because he's one of your oldest friends." I see that beautiful eyebrow rise, making me laugh again, see him exhale, and I say, "So as long as he keeps doing all that stuff and being the Hiro we know, that's all that matters okay." I see that other eyebrow lift and can't help but laugh harder, then I hear that monotone voice say, "Your group on Monday."

I stop laughing, feel myself blinking again, looking at that face looking confused with that twist of his lips, remember what we talked about on our hill that night, how he walked me home afterwards and he asked me what the topic for that group was, and I told him I would tell him this weekend when we would have all Saturday night together. He remembered. I smile, exhale, and I say, "Ms. Reed asked us to talk about how racialized incarceration can affect a society and in our group they all sort of knew a small part of it but I kind of just explained what it is and how it affects society in a lot of ways, and how it especially affects the black community." I see that eyebrow rise again, see that mouth open, not saying anything, and after a few seconds he says, "And how do you know how racialized incarceration affects society and how it predominantly affects the black community?"

I smile, stand up, see those eyes following me, swallow, feeling my darn cheeks getting warm again, look down at the table, grab the plates, walk up to him holding the plates, and I say, "Well, when the class started Ms. Reed said she wanted to end the semester with talking about racialized incarceration." I exhale, looking down at those eyes, and I say, "And it sounded like people going to jail because of their race and it kind of reminded me of that 'scared stiff' thing Riley and you did with Tom." I feel that warm hand on my hip, smile at him, knowing my bestie still wants to protect me even if he knows I can take care of myself today, and remember I need to make sure to remind him that there's still good in this world, even if that good just means people wanting to help people. I exhale and say, "And I know the only way to help is to know what's happening in the world, so I looked it up online, figured out what it was and even found out that it affects this country because I think it actually makes the country stay poor by putting a whole race, a whole community, in a bad place and not letting them contribute to society."

I feel that squeeze on my hips, know my face has to be red right now, and then, I hear the doorbell ring.

Grandad's upstairs, not asleep even though he should be taking his nap but on the house phone. Riley and Jazmine's sister left to hang out with those two idiots I still owe for those bb guns and the equipment they sent to Jazmine and her sister for that fucked up battle royale. That 'fight' that was more of an indicator of how much training I still need to do than anything else where those two helped, although I have yet to voice it, to ensure no one was injured by those knives we all suspected those thirty seven morons in that team had. That fight where if I would have known she was in that tree I would walked up to her, grabbed that small boot she was wearing, and dragged her down out of that tree to take her to Aunt Cookie's where I wouldn't have had those fucken idiots looking at her in those tight jeans and that tight long sleeve black shirt. I exhale, walking to the door.

That outfit she was wearing when she performed a move that required both her legs and some upper body strength and she could have been hurt. I inhale, remembering that fucken imbecile that looked at her in that clothing that showed too much of those curves. That fucken idiot that was bleeding on the floor and still had enough strength that I saw him standing up trying to get to her even though she was laying in my fucken arms. I exhale, being reminded that she said she only wants to be with me and she hates lying. She hates lying. And she likes 'taking care of me' like she said that day when we ate in her backyard after she slapped that girl for calling that ass too big. I hear the doorbell ring and reach the front door.

I shake my head, knowing that's how I know that girl is either blind or completely straight. Too think that ass is too big. That ass that's part of those curves. Those curves that made that dish today with those jalapenos she knows I like on most of what I eat, making it because it's that day of the year today that we didn't get to choose in which someone else picked a name for us and we started off in this distasteful world full of selfish imbeciles and mindless idiots that follow those imbeciles. I exhale, remembering having these thoughts last year, followed by a sigh I thought to be part of the person I was back then. I stop, realizing I'm now grabbing the doorknob, and acknowledge I do not sigh like I used to last year.

I do not lie to myself. It's because of those small feet that reach my calves when we're laying down, those curves she pushes up against me, those breast that I thought made me a 'boob guy' but I see now that for some time now I've only looked at hers, those arms that are long and thin like biology dictates for a girl becoming a women with her frame, and that thick blonde afro that's teaching some of those clueless kids and that fucken idiot what racialized incarceration is. I feel that twitch on my face, turning from a smirk to that thing she likes, knowing she learned that on her own with no help on my part and wonder how much she knows right now that I don't know because I only speak as much as I have today, only ask her those specific questions, when I'm alone with her. I start to wonder if I can ignore whoever is at the door, even if Aunt Cookie attempted to instill good manners and always answer the door if we're home, even if Grandad would tell us to not answer for certain idiot neighbors, so I can go back and ask her more about what she's looked up online, and then I hear the doorbell ring again.

I exhale, turn the knob, and prepare myself to be annoyed at whoever is keeping me from the girl that, aside from everything else, is washing those dishes right now because she still doesn't like being waited on even if she's a guest in this house right now, and know whoever is at the door is going to regret whatever it is they're selling at this time of the night on a weekend. I swing the door and see him, feeling my eyebrow rise, close my eyes, and remember he also knows today is that day.

I hear Caesar say, "I know man but I get one and I'ma divide that shit between all of us." I open my eyes, see him smiling, and he says, "Ha." He stops and then walks in, holding that pizza with a backpack, more than likely where he has his Super Nintendo. I see Ming step up, smile at me, and she says, "Ppy." I exhale and see her step in. I see Hiro step up, smirk, and he says, "Birth." I close my eyes, exhale, hear him step in, open my eyes, see Lauren, and she says, "Day." I close my eyes again, hear her step in, and remember all those weekends passing out flyers, being my point of contact for Black Lives Matters in his area, as well as members from AFRO and BRUH, the many times he went to check on Aunt Cookie when I asked, and he was the only person outside of family that always called on that day.

I hear the TV turn and see that afro she let me see today, thick and untamed, walk in front of me. I feel that door I was holding leave my hand and see it close. I feel that small hand around my own and I let her pull me to the living room, where my idiot trusted friends and their girlfriends, minus my brother and her sister are waiting.

I hear the key going into the lock, close my eyes, hear the door open, and wonder if I'm going to have to swing his legs out from under him or hit him upside his head again this year. I open my eyes, see those greens turn, look behind me, feel her let go, and see her sister hug her. Women, with the hugging. I shake my head. Then I see her sister let go of her, see her sister look at me, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her hand move up to dap me again. I exhale, dap her back, and see those two turn, walking into the living room. I feel his presence next to me and wonder if I'm going to hit him upside his head before or after everyone leaves even if he's almost fifteen now. Then I hear him say, "Here McHater." I feel a box pushed into my lower abdomen, grab it, and see him walking into the living room.

Then I hear those other two walking in, knowing I still do owe them, feel someone's arm around my shoulders and I hear Ed say, "I know Huey! I know! Can't fucken say it. Just happy you know, whatever the fuck this day is grouchy as mother fucker." I open my eyes, exhale, and see Ed walking into the living room. Then I feel another arm around my shoulders and hear Rummy say, "Yeah. You know. The same sentiment and shit. You know happy whatever the fuck this day is." I feel that arm leave and see Rummy walking into the living room. I exhale, look down at that box and see it's wrapped in happy birthday wrapping paper and the box is approximately ten to twelve inches wide and five to seven inches high.

Then I hear Rummy say, "Oh and Huey." I look up, see him standing by the doorframe, facing the living room, and I hear him say, "We didn't help Riley with that, whatever he gave your ass." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him walk into the living room, and look back down at the box. I start unwrapping it, knowing he knows to not give me presents because it's just as close to celebrating this day as people get, and wonder why I didn't throw the box back at him like I did all the other presents he tried giving me years ago.

I finish unwrapping it, inhale, and see the converse shoe box. I open it and feel both eyebrows rise, seeing new black converse. I was going to replace my old ones in two weeks since I gave my first paycheck for the month to Grandad already. Riley doesn't work. I exhale, look up at the living room entrance, hearing Caesar's Mario brothers game start up again, and remember what Rummy said. I inhale, that's why he hasn't taken Jazmine's sister on any dates for some time. Unlike Jazmine and I, those two like doing those sort of traditional things, like going to see horrible movies and eating at the local pizza and hotdog stands in downtown. But he hasn't taken her out because he spent most of his savings on those first few dates. And on the weekends, when he's not at his after school activities, he's doing jobs around the neighborhood for money because legally he can't get a job yet. I exhale, that's how he got the money to buy these. He hasn't taken Jazmine's sister on a date for some time even though they like doing those things, those things I could still hardly care about, possibly because he was saving his money to get these shoes.

I swallow, realizing he stopped trying to give me gifts after we moved here, while I stopped giving anyone gifts, even homemade ones, after they died. It was this year, the day Jazmine turned fifteen, on her birthday, that we both started to celebrate birthdays again in the traditional way with a dinner and gifts. Prior to that day I know he gave Cindy an old t-shirt for one of her birthdays after we moved here. But that's been it. He also, for the most part, doesn't celebrate birthdays, other than using it to piss me off and forcing me to hit him over the head. But, he also chooses to not celebrate birthdays, like I choose not to. I exhale, wondering how much Grandad is right about how much he follows me. And, I wonder how much throwing those gifts back at him at that age affected him. I exhale, knowing we do not talk about those things, about the fact that I stopped celebrating birthdays when he turned five. That was the first birthday we had to deal with, with dead parents.

I feel that afro on my arm, look down to my left, see that head looking at the box, and hear her say, "So that's what they were doing at the mall today. I knew they weren't only on their date." I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering how naïve she can still be at times, and I say, "Jazmine. He bought these with the money he's supposed to be using for those dates." I hear that laugh again, the one I'm starting to accept I like more than I should, feel that afro lean on my arm, and I hear her say, "Huey, Riley and my sister think going to the mall to just hang out and be by themselves, causing trouble, is a date." I inhale, not wanting to think about how similar my brother and I might be or how dense even I can be at times to not see things that are right in front of me, and then I hear her say, "What's in the shoe?" I look back down at the shoes and feel my eyebrow rise seeing a white paper inside the right shoe.

I pull it out, feeling something that was holding it inside the shoe, unfold the paper, and read it, "For the holders big bro." I hand the paper to Jazmine, put my hand inside the shoe, feel cloth, and pull a bright red cotton tub. I let the tub unravel, feel my eyebrow rise, hear her giggle, see her stick her small hand into the same shoe and see her pull on gray tub. I close my eyes, hear her laughing now, wondering why although I'm annoyed and know I'll never use them, I'm not completely annoyed because we don't get to choose our family, even if it's an annoying female version of my brother. I hear the laughing stop, feel those lips on my chin, feel my smirk, remembering how much shorter she is than me and knowing the height I got from that family isn't the worst thing I could've inherited from them, and hear her whisper, "You don't have to wear them Huey, but this just means you're part of the team." I open my eyes, see those dark forest greens, those full lips with that dark color, remember they're all in the living room and we're home, and lower myself, hearing her inhale as she pushes those lips, letting me taste them.

Then I hear, "Hey Huey! Make out with Jazzy girl another fucken time man and come order another damn pizza cuz Riley be eating the whole fucken thing man!" I exhale, feel her kiss me, what idiots call a 'peck' and know I want more, feel her move away, open my eyes, see those greens looking at me, and hear her whisper, "Let's go so we can spend time with our friends and you can try to look annoyed at my little sister for getting you socks with the team's color even though I know you like them because they're also Riley's team's colors." I exhale, remembering the shoes I'm holding, and know I have a lot to make up for. But for now, seeing those greens, remembering the gift she gave me and the dinner, I also remember I want to make up for the lost time, knowing we should've started doing this, whatever this is, 'dating' if that's what it is, years ago, no matter how young we were, and know I want to accomplish making up that lost time. I place the sock next to the other one in the box, close it, bring my hand down, and grab her small hand, knowing it's by her hip because biology dictates that's how it should be. I see that tint, not sure if this is 'affectionate' even though I've grabbed her hand several times but knowing I wanted to grab her hand, even if it is 'affectionate'. I see that smile and I nod.

I look up, exhale, and walk into the living room. I look to left, see that empty pizza box on that table we were eating on a few minutes ago, hear the cursing, look further to the left, and see Ed and Rummy in the fridge. I hear that giggle, look over to the right and see Jazmine's sister on the floor, holding the controller to Caesar's Nintendo. He brought the Nintendo again rather than his Super Nintendo. I look up at Caesar sitting on the couch with a slice of pizza in his hand, see him smirk at me, and he says, "Kids gotta keep learning about the real shit man." I exhale, remembering he dealt with his mother's absence with video games. I feel that warm hand let go, see that soft blonde afro followed by that waist in that pink t-shirt she's wearing right now, those light brown shorts that she won't wear outside of this or her house anymore because she grew out of them after she got a quarter inch taller over the summer, that ass that is perfect, wondering when it became so, see it go around her sister and sit next to her on the floor, and feel my smirk, knowing it does belong to me.

Then, I see her sister hand the controller over to Jazmine and I hear her say, "Sissy, you be ma best and only sis if you do it for me." I feel my eyebrow rise, see Jazmine take the controller with that smirk she doesn't know she's had since last year, see her turn back to the TV, and hear the music for the game again.

I exhale, preparing for the night of games and pizza, walk over to the two-person couch since the larger one is being filled by Caesar and Ming and Hiro and Lauren with my brother on Grandad's recliner. I sit down on the left side of the couch because the smaller coffee table will be next to me and partially, although I don't have to voice it, to see the TV screen from here, put the box down on the table in front of me, and hear Caesar say, "That from Jazzy girl?" I look over at him, see him taking the last bite of that pizza, knowing the necessity for meat in a diet is one of the few things we have never agreed on, and I respond, "No. Riley." I see his eyebrow rise, I look over at my brother, see him showing something to Hiro on his phone, hear Riley say, "Yeah man. Ain't a secret. Shit. I can do it just need to figure that shit out," and then see both of them look up at the TV screen.

I hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl get you anything?" I look back at him, exhale, and say, "Yeah, gave it to me earlier." I see everyone on the couch stop, turn to me, feel my face getting hot, not from embarrassment I tell myself but from all of them being idiots, and I say, "Not that." I exhale, trying to figure out why I didn't just insult them, regardless of how close we are, but instead explained myself. I see them all start laughing and then hear that voice say, "What's funny guys?" I look over at Jazmine and see her focused on the game. I look at the screen and see she's halfway through that level. I look back at Caesar, shake my head, and he says, "Nothing Jazzy. But you tiny one better do that same shit for this one over here." I hear Jazmine say, "Of course Caes, just let me get it for my sis first and then I'll take care of Mimi's game."

I exhale, see Caesar smile at me, and he says, "Well since your ass is cool with getting presents now, I'ma get your ass one next year." I exhale and say, "Caes," but he cuts me off saying, "Nah ah bro. Your ass got one from Jazzy and Riley and that makes it cool for all of us to give you presents. Alright." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and see his smile get bigger. I roll my eyes, remembering it's not Grandad or Mr. Willis, turn back to the TV, and see she's jumping over those pits without any problem, wondering when she had time to look up important concepts like how racism keeps this country poor and also learn that trick she told Caesar she knows about this level. I hear one of those two idiots I haven't kicked out because I owe them say, "The fuck Jazzy girl doing?" I feel my eyebrow rise trying to remember when they all started calling her that and hear Caesar say, "Watch and learn." I feel my other eyebrow rise seeing her character jump over that first turtle, remember her explaining it, see her jump up those stairs, jump on top of that second turtle as it's coming down, see that turtle go into its shell staying put on that staircase, see her jump back in front of that turtle, hear her exhale, see her jump on top of that turtle again, and feel my mouth open seeing her continue jumping on that same turtle as it bounces back from that staircase, followed by a '1 UP' coming out of that turtle every time she jumps. I calculate three lives per second. I exhale. She cuts hair, makes me accept presents on this day I don't like celebrating, can shoot and is trained in self-defense, understands the struggle exists right now for our community, understands the struggle that exists for us to be together, and can now guarantee a high amount of lives on a game that was popular before she was born. And, she wants to be with me, regardless of my disposition and my past or the family I'm connected to, knowing what a dark patch they are for anyone connected to them, and feel my smirk become that thing she likes.

Then I hear, "The fuck Jazzy! The fuck you doing and how you do that shit!" I see that afro turn around towards me, see her looking behind me, feeling myself exhale longer, knowing, other than at that party where I covered those arms and legs those idiots didn't have to see, I haven't seen her look down when she's addressed to since last year. I see that smile and she says, "I'll teach you and we're even for the party guns." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Jazmine don't worry about," but I hear Ed's voice say, "Nah ah Huey! I wanna learn! Yeah! Show ma ass how you did that and we even on whatever guns you want!" I exhale and see Jazmine smile at me. I see Ed jump over the right side of the couch I'm sitting on, walk towards Jazmine and her sister, and I say, "Jazmine we'll pay," but I hear Rummy cut me off saying, "Huey." I look up to my right, see Rummy leaning on the sofa, and I hear him say, "Let 'em. And don't worry about paying back. Just, you know." I see him exhale, looking at the those three that must be sitting on the floor, and he says, "Keep taking care of them two and don't fuck it up thinking there's better out there cuz of what the fuck they show on TV and shit." I see him exhale, hear that voice I'll be going to sleep to tonight explaining without sounding condescending to an idiot like Ed how to play the game, and hear Rummy continue, quieter, "You and Riley don't wanna end up alone with only your road dawg cuz you thought there was better out there, better than what you grew up knowing, better than the girl that was always there for your ass, letting you fuck up and come back, and one day she ain't there no more and you think if this is all I got here I should just go blow up shit in Iraq." I exhale, look back at the floor, seeing that afro and her sister sitting next to Ed trying to explain the game as he keeps getting hit by those turtles, and hear Rummy say, "It ain't been that bad, going to war to get away from the fucked up choices you made, seeing that part of the world, looking for weapons of mass destruction, coming back and finding out Ed Wuncler the third be living in the same fucken city you settled in. And I don't know, maybe one fucken day, when I do meet a good one like those two are, I won't fuck it up again." Those two. I look down at that afro and know what I've seen about this world so far has shown me that most people, a large population of the world, do not consider how important, how necessary, things, places, people, are, until they're gone. Until they're dead. I hear that laugh, see Jazmine lean over, and hug her sister. Those two. I look over at my brother, see him looking down at the floor, see him exhale, look up at me, wonder if he's thinking how small they still are and we need to start them on more upper body moves, see him nod at me, and see him look back down at the floor.

I hear Ed say, "The fuck! This game's bullshit! And where's the damn pizza!" I hear Rummy say, "Wait mother fucker! Damn fucken always hungry!" I hear Rummy walking back to the kitchen, ordering several boxes of pizza and then screaming about 'How fucken long'. I exhale and hear that voice say, "Rummy where are you ordering from?" I look back at those greens and see her looking behind me again. I hear Rummy say, "The damn local pizza place you got here but they're saying it's gonna take forty five damn minutes. It takes them two whole episodes of Sein-fuckin-feld to get us pizza!" I exhale, see those greens look at me, and smile at me, knowing I don't like people, even these two who I still feel I owe talking to her like that, even if it's not directed at her. I see her stand up in those shorts, feel my eyebrow rise seeing her walk over to me, swaying those damn hips again, walk up to me, turn that body, wondering if I can kick everyone out to have her sit on my lap like I wanted to while we talked more about things that mattered, and exhale, seeing her sit down next to me, feeling that warm leg through the material of my shorts. I feel myself relax and wonder when she became aware the contact helps.

I look down to my right, see those greens looking around the room, that smirk on those full lips, and I hear her say, "Who wants to call?" I look over at my friends and see them looking at me, knowing they also don't know what's being asked, and then I hear Lauren say, "Well, I guess Mimi called last time, so I can do it." I look over at Lauren, see her pull out her cell phone from one those invisible pockets women tend to have no matter what they're wearing, and hear Hiro say, "Babe who you calling?" I see Lauren kiss Hiro, remembering after that moron on Monday these two have stopped being as discreet about their show of affection, and I hear Lauren say, "You'll see." I feel that soft blonde afro on my shoulder with the weight of her head, wondering if the fucken morons that tests us all at that school realize every time they do, it only pushes us to see what's worth holding on to. I feel her small nails drawing in my palm that's facing me, starting with 'A' for Arna Bontemps, a novelist and poet of our people, and I let her.

I hear Lauren say, "Hi! We just made an order from Timid Deer Lane and we were wondering how long it's going to be before we get it." I see her stop, feel the giggling she's trying to hide next to me, and hear Lauren say, "Okay, because we order a lot from there and we're having a small party and didn't know if we could have the order done faster." I see her stop again, see her smile at Hiro, and she says, "Yes, Ms. DuBois always orders from there and we're in the house across the street." I see her look over at the girl that's giggling next to me, smile at her, and she says, "Yes sir. Ms. Sarah DuBois's daughters and their friends." I see Jazmine's sister crawl up, put her chin on Lauren's legs, see Ming put her head on Lauren's shoulder, being reminded of how much women touch each other, and I hear Lauren say, "Okay. Twenty minutes is fine. We can wait that long. Thank you sir and have a goodnight." I see her bring down her phone, hang up, look over at Hiro, smile at him, throw the phone up in the air, watch him catch it, and she says, "Twenty minutes tops." I hear the girls laugh, close my eyes, and shake my head, having an idea of how they managed it but wanting to have her explain it to me later while I hold those hips.

Then I hear a voice that's been unusually quiet for him say, "A'ight. You'll explaining that shit cuz you the only ones I know for a damn fact ain't hoes at our school so how you make 'em bring the order faster?" I exhale, open my eyes, and feel my smirk seeing all the girls, including those thirty three freckles down and to my right completely red, all of which are aware enough to know a compliment from Riley even when his dumbass isn't trying to compliment them.

I hear Ed say, "Riley you dumbass it's cuz they're females man! How do you not know that shit? Shit, all it takes is them being cute, even more when they look like they do, and they get shit done man." I feel my smirk now, possibly one other people can see, looking down at that big forehead next to me that's now red, and then hear him continue, "Shit. I been at that school cuz of my granddaddy wanting to check on his investments and all that shit and I seen what be there. Just hoes wanting to get down with ma ass cuz of who I am." I look over at Ed, see him playing with that Mario game trying to jump on that second turtle, and remember that girl from Chicago, along with the other girls that saw me as that meal ticket, inhale, take my hand out of hers, knowing she's on 'M' for Maya Angelou and bring my arm over that afro, down her back and hold that waist, feeling her sit back, as she continues with the alphabet on my leg with 'N' for Nat Turner. I hear Ed continue, "Shit, they don't even fucken care that ma ass could go to jail since they're not even eighteen man. Stupid ass females. That's why I told your ass Riley long as time ago 'bout C-Murder and you finally did it."

I look over at my brother, remembering the airport, wondering why he asked for my opinion when he had his idiot friends like Ed telling him he should be dating Cindy. I see Riley looking away, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Cindy get up from the floor, walk over to my brother, and sit on his lap. I see Riley sit down further in the recliner, knowing the foot on that recliner was fixed last week, see him look up at me as I ask him, even though it should make no difference to me, if my opinion really mattered at all or if he just wanted affirmation of what Ed had been telling him to do. I see him exhale and nod, giving me his answer. I squeeze that warm waist, knowing there's much I need to make up for, and let her continue writing on my leg, cleaning that part of my body from that family that's that dark patch for my brother and me.

I hear Ed say, "And if Riley's right, cuz I don't know your girls 'nough to know that shit, but if he's right and your girls ain't hoes and go to that fucken school and they look like they do, that means your asses got the few rare ones at that damn school." I hear that inhale from my right, knowing she doesn't like women, girls her age, even if they do have a more liberal view on sex, being talked about like that, and squeeze that waist, hearing her exhale. Then I hear Ming say, "Well, you're right about lots of hoes being there and how we gotta watch them or they'll be coming around acting like hoes even if we trust our guys making us have to slap them to remind them who they belong to." I hear 'Fuck yeah, yep, and yeah' from the other three, hear them laugh, and close my eyes, feeling her continue writing on my leg, and knowing, like I know what family I come from, where I get my stance and my humor from, that I would have my life no other way.

Then I hear, "Jazzy girl come teach me how to kill these damn turtles!" I hear that giggle, feel her kiss my chin, and hear her whisper, "Don't want him breaking Caes's Nintendo. Be back okay." I feel that warm waist leave, exhale, open my eyes, and see those hips walking towards Ed as he's holding that controller, focused on the game, and wonder if this can end at midnight, like the last party.

I hear Caesar say, "You read the one on MSN about the fucker that stabbed that black guy two years ago?" I exhale, look over at Caesar, and say, "Yeah. Read it yesterday. The case had already been solved so I wasn't reading it for the details but what to be ready for." I see him exhale, look down, and he says, "You read the whole article?" I exhale, look back at that afro that's sitting on the floor with her friends and sister trying to teach both those two how to play that game, and I say, "Yeah." I inhale, remembering the article, bringing up all of those lunatics and their 'ideologies', and their massacres against innocent black folk. My folk. I hear Caesar say, "Yeah man. I hadn't heard some of those fucken names in a minute." I inhale, feeling my temperature rise. Charles Manson, Joseph Paul Franklin, the Aryan Brotherhood that thrives in prison, that psychotic bastard Dylann Roof, all leading to James Harris Jackson. I exhale, knowing they exists, they all do, right now, but this society chooses to ignore them as isolated racists extremists that came from broken homes and watched too much white-supremacy media and are not part of the fabric, the history, of this country, that need to be dealt with now by criminalizing those organizations for the hate they spew to those psychotic minds, those psychotic minds that have access to weapons they use to kill innocent blacks congregating for their religious views or a black man picking up cans on the street. I hear the teakettle sound off, see those hips stand, and see her walk to the kitchen behind me, feeling myself exhale.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah man. I had forgotten about that fucken asshole until yesterday when I read that story." I nod, looking at that converse box my brother gave me, my brother who also knows he's black and knows what people say about us when we walk out of the room. I hear Caesar say, "I even forgot the fucken reason he did it. Crazy ass fucken asshole." I inhale, know I'll protect her from any imbecile trying to hurt her or her peace as long as I'm around. I hear Caesar say, "I won't lie man. I get scared about that shit happening, some fucken lunatic trying to hurt me on the street cuz I'm with her but only cuz they might try hurting her to and I can't let that shit happen." I inhale, that lunatic fucken asshole that's in prison for life for killing that innocent black man that was picking up those cans on the streets that night did it because he was 'practicing' to kill more black men who he believed to be sleeping with white women. His aim was interracial couples, focusing on black men and white women, because white women choosing to be with a black man or any other non-white man, in his Nazi apocalyptic view, would somehow one day lead to the demise of the white race. That fucken lunatic that will die in prison but not before joining that brotherhood in there that I'm sure welcomed him with open arms for killing an innocent black man, twice his age, stabbing him from behind in the middle of the night, like the fucken coward he is.

I hear Caesar say, "Hu." I look over at him, see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised, and I hear him say, "You know all of us are on that fucken list right?" I inhale and say, "You and Hiro still sparring?" I see him exhale, nod, and see him look over at Hiro. I look over at my brother and Hiro and hear Caesar say, "Bro." I see Hiro and Riley stop talking, see them look over at us, see my brother's eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and get up. They both walk over to us, sit down next to Caesar, and Caesar says, "We practice on our own and spar once a month but we can kick it up." I see Hiro look over at Caesar and he says, "What for bro?" I exhale and say, "Precautions." I see Hiro look at me and then hear Riley say, "It's cuz of that fucken asshole that killed that black guy few years ago man." I feel my eyebrow rise, look at my brother, see him smirk at me and he says, "Saw that shit on your computer when I was looking for more ammo." I exhale. The ammo for the bb guns I know he got from my room while I was training in the garage a few nights ago. I hear Hiro say, "You'll wanna explain the fuck you talking about?"

I hear Caesar exhale and he says, "Some fucken lunatic stabbed a black guy in the back two years ago, showing up to the fucken police later saying he did it cuz he wanted to stop white women from being with black men and I think any other fucken race that didn't sit fucken well with his Nazi thinking ass and thought by doing that shit he could start a race war." I see Caesar inhale and he continues, "And an article was posted on MSN a few days ago that was talking about it and we just always need to be ready for shit to go down." I exhale, feeling those particles in my nose, knowing that smell, and then hear my brother say, "We were just gonna fuck around with the guns next day but I made her practice on grabbing her gun from me and aim befor' I could attack. I knows I ain't always fucken around." I look at my brother, see him looking down at the table, and I exhale. He used the ammo to continue training Jazmine's sister and didn't just waste it. He has grown up some.

I hear Hiro say, "So that shit could get back to my ass." I look at Hiro, see him looking down at Lauren's cell phone he has yet to give her back and I assume she has yet to ask for, reminding me of that scarf I'm sure I will never ask those hips to return, and hear Hiro continue, "I know what I am. I know what she is. But I couldn't give two shits about that. She's the best one I've had and maybe the best one I'll see for a long fucken time. And she knows what I am and she couldn't give two shits about that. But I know how this shit fucken works. We're still not the fucken same. We're different. And assholes like that could look at us and think 'why not start the fucken race war with these two cuz they shouldn't be together'." I see him inhale, hear the sound of fingers rubbing the cover of that cell phone he's holding, and he continues, "And those assholes only care about the white race getting bigger, no matter how that happens, and any girl, especially ones that look like her, are worth nothing unless they want to be with a white guy or a guy that's more like her, like that fucken asshole I will fucken beat next time he tries anything with her." I see him exhale, look up at me, smirk, and he says, "I'm in. I need to be ready to take care of her and anything that comes my fucken way and I can't let your asses have all the fun all the damn time. My bro and I will start up on sparring every other Sunday." I nod and exhale, strategizing how I can perform a multiple combination fast enough before landing back on my feet.

I hear Riley say, "It's what those fucken people will always say when we leave but I still couldn't care 'bout that as long as she ain't like that. But I knows. I'm black. She white even if she don't like when people call her that. But I also know I couldn't fucken give two shits what she is long as she keeps being C-Murph who been slapping females that be stepping on her turf since Young Reezy's fun-raiser and now I gotta hold her ass back from slapping hoes when they step up." I close my eyes, hearing their cackling, realizing the tension is leaving, and shake my head. I hear Caesar say, "Shit Riley, well at least probably cuz you've known her ass for fucken ever she listens to your ass when you stop her. Shit, with Ming, I gotta hold her ass down and remind her I don't fucken care that girl's fucken here or any other girl that looks at my ass." I open my eyes, see Caesar smirk at Riley, and he says, "Even told her next time that shit with those pictures or those calls happen, fucken hoping it never fucken does, but if it does, she can beat the shit outta her and I'll sit back eating those bacon burritos she brings me."

I hear them laugh, exhale, and close my eyes, trying to stop the reflex that comes from having to smell that pizza he brought with that meat covering it that they ate before I walked into the living room but the smell hasn't left, and now having to think about more meat. I smell that one smell that comes from only that tea, feeling that reflex settle back down into my stomach, open my eyes, look to my right, see that cup she's holding, the steam coming out of that cup, go up, see that pink shirt, how tight it continues to get, the shape of that green stone under it, go up, and see that soft afro that smells like strawberries. I see that smile, exhale, grab that cup, and see her turn around, seeing those hips and that ass that's perfect in every way, walking away with her own cup of my mother's tea, back to her sister and friends that are sitting on the floor with Ed and Rummy.

I hear Hiro say, "Well shit bro. I thought my girl was too damn nice till this week when she found a phone number some girl taped to my locker. Saw her ass grab it, read it, and she fucken took off to look for that girl, whoever the fuck she was. Had to throw her over my shoulder and take her to the fucken rooftop again to calm her ass down. I mean I don't fucken care we missed homeroom but I'm fucken happy we don't gotta go up there in the fucken cold to spend more time alone no more." I look over at Hiro, taste that tea, feeling something seeping through those cracks still, letting the tea she made that comes from my mother continue to heal whatever dark part of me still needs healing, see Hiro smirk at me and he says, "Yeah man. They said only Saturday nights cuz I think they be taking advise from Jazzy girl's and Cin's momma." I swallow the tea and realize how hot it is, wondering if she can make more after I'm done with this one. I hear those other two laughing again, exhale, and hear Caesar say, "So today went alright?"

I look over at Hiro, see him exhale, looking down at that cell phone, and he says, "Yeah. We went to that mini golf spot again. And, after her mom and her went inside to play in the arcade, I stayed out there with her old man in the golf course and he said she asked to start sleeping over and he said he trust me and just wants me to know she's special. I told him I knew she was special, even told his ass she's different, different from any girl I met before. Then, cuz he said he trusted my ass, I told him I don't like lying and shit and told him 'bout who I am, 'bout who my family is." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "'Bout your folks or Chi-Town?" I see Hiro look over at the TV screen where I hear the laughing and giggling coming from and the cursing coming from Ed, and hear Caesar say, "Bro?" I see Hiro exhale and hear him say, "All of it." I hear my brother inhale, knowing those two are close, and hear Caesar say, "What happened?" I see Hiro look back down at that phone, see him smirk, and hear him say, "Wells, he said he respected my honesty and shit, said it took courage to tell him, and told me she went through her own shit as a kid, shit I already knew 'bout that still fucking pisses me off and day comes I meet those fucken cousins I'ma fuck them up." I see him exhale and he continues, "Told him long as I'm around no one's gonna be talking shit to her or ever make her do shit she don't wanna do, and I don't know, after that, maybe cuz of what I told him or whatever I said about her, he said she could start sleeping over Saturday nights, if she wants to."

I hear Caesar say, "Damn bro. That's sound harder than what I had to do. Shit. I just went golfing with them, ate at some Chinese restaurant where I ate anything they gave my ass cuz that food was fucken good, and when we got back to their house they asked me to help them move some of the heavy shit in their garage. And, the whole time they were telling me about China, her grandad that won't let the kickball thing fucken go, how much fucken happier she was after they moved to the states and just all about her life. Didn't really say nothing to them cuz I've already told them about my mom's, how she takes care of my grandma, how that piece of shit never took responsibility for us, and how my uncle been there since before I can fucken remember. But, just listening to them that day, I know more about her than she probably knows about herself man. And." I see him stop, exhale, look up where Hiro was looking at, hearing Ming telling Rummy he needs to stop dying, see Caesar smirk in their direction, and he says, "That's how I know they fucken love her ass man. Not just cuz she's their only kid, but just everything they know about her that she don't even know. Like they got all her accomplishments, her goals, even the ones about her wanting to be a writer later one, memorized man. Like she's their biggest accomplishment. And I mean, shit, I know why they feel like that about her, but still, it was nice, to just be around parents that talk like that about their kid. So, I told them that I already knew she was special just cuz of who she is but hearing them talk like that about her let me know where she gets that attitude from that I like and they don't gotta worry about me or anyone making her do anything she don't wanna do ever but I'll be there to make sure no one touches her. Then, they told me they'd tell her if she could sleep over and to not forget to make up the school work I missed hanging out with them that day. I left, she called, and told my ass they said yeah."

I hear Riley say, "Shit man I only needed Cin's momma to be a'ight with ma ass and I think she fucken knew no one can make Cin do shit if she don't wanna do it so her momma ain't fucken worried." I hear those other two laughing, see my brother shake his head, looking down, smirk at that floor, and he says, "But I ain't gonna lie man. I can't be with no girl that ain't willing to throw it down for me like I'm willing to throw it down for her and all she fucken does is bitch 'bout where I be like she don't fucken trust me, like other girls did. Can't do that shit no more. I want what the fuck I want and it gotta be someone that can throw it down, plays ball, and can keep me on ma fucken game, clean."

I hear that voice telling her sister and friends to pass the ball and focus on their form next week, remember those hips moving up when she slapped that girl at school, the move she performed hitting that girl's throat in Chicago that was spewing lies whenever she opened her mouth, the way she stares down girls that look at me, those hips swaying in my direction when she was leaving that girl yelling in the middle of the cafeteria with her head held high like she used to, the way she marks the page I'm on whenever I'm interrupted from my reading and takes those same books away so I can 'take a break' by making me watch TV, go to that hill, or just eat, how balanced I feel even right now, how tonight I know I'll finish Up From Slavery while she sits over my legs on my bed, letting me feel that ass next to my leg, that 24 by 16 inch replica painting in that 1 inch dark brown frame we haven't talked about tonight, how clean I feel whenever she allows me to touch her or she touches my leg or hand to draw, letting me focus on those influential black Americans, those lips and buns that remind me of what she went through because she was never, will never be, white enough for some, how some of those same fucken morons that ridiculed her look at her now and know if they try getting close it'll mark their demise, and how she keeps me focused, balanced, energized towards those goals, the ones that mean more to me than money, property, or prestige. And she's only fractionally aware of all of this because she does these things by just being 'Jazmine'. I look up towards that TV screen, see that blonde afro, seeing those particles in that hair, and I say, "Yeah," hearing those other two say 'Fuck yeah' and 'Yeah man' at the same time. I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at them, hear the cackling, and shake my head, feeling my smirk, knowing they are my idiot trusted friends and we might all be more similar than I even want to acknowledge.

I hear the doorbell ring, exhale, get up, and walk over to the door, hearing them all continue talking, get to the door, open it, instantly feel that reflex coming back smelling that pizza, and I say, "How much?" I see that guy's smile fall, roll his eyes, and I exhale, trying to relax, knowing where this is going, and not wanting to punch him in the stomach only because apparently the girls like ordering from this pizza place. I hear him say, "$94.26 man. That shits without tip." I exhale, grab my wallet, put out my credit card and he says, "Nah man. Only cash cuz you'll didn't order it like that." I nod, put my credit card back in my wallet, look for the emergency money I keep in my wallet, and hear him say, "And if you ain't got it, I ain't leaving it alright." I look up, feel my temperature rising, and hear Caesar say, "The fuck you saying? Like we can't pay. This the kind of service your pizza place gives to everyone or just special orders made by blacks." I inhale, knowing how the world still works, and how black boys and men are supposed to remain calm even in the face of overt racism because we don't want to be labeled at the 'angry black guy' and just how fair that is. I see that guy that doesn't know us, squint his eyes at Caesar, open his mouth, and wonder if it's going to be Caesar that punches him first, and then hear Ming say, "Oh it's you again." I see that guy look over to where I assume Ming is standing next to Caesar, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Yeah. I thought they got it wrong at the store when they told me you'll were at this house and you'll didn't answer the door." I exhale, knowing it's going to be Caesar that punches him, if it does happen, and hear Ming say, "Yeah. 'Course we over here. Think we told your ass that our guys hang out over here and we might order from here once in a while. Thought you'd remember that. Now can we have our pizza cuz we still gots to eat?" I see that idiot nod, possibly still confused, knowing he is an idiot, see Ming step up, grab the four boxes, turn around, walk back into the house, and hear her say, "Thanks homie. Michael boo pay the guy and come eat."

I look back at that idiot, feel my eyebrow rise, seeing he looks mad, and hear Caesar say, "I heard $95 and with tip, even if you don't fucken deserve that shit, that's $110, and that's all you fucken get." I see him exhale, looking down, still mad I assume but then I remember I don't care enough. I hear Caesar pulling his wallet out, I look back at my wallet, pull out three twenties from my emergency money, hand them to Caesar, look back up at the fucken idiot as he continues to look down, and hear Caesar say, "Hu. It's today. You ain't fucken pay," but I cut him off with, "Caes." I hear him exhale and feel him take the money, knowing one thing we do not argue about is money, because that's one of those things that doesn't matter.

I see Caesar hand that guy the five twenties and one ten. I step back, turn back to get back to that tea that helps with the reflex that began six years ago after Grandad's first attempt at that dinner that could kill us all, and hear that idiot say, "So they all seeing some fucken black guy?" I inhale, look back at that fucken idiot, who's probably sixteen, could be a number of races, not just white or Latino, is just as racist as most of those races don't want to admit to being, and is pissed that those girls could be choosing to be with a black guy or someone that's not him. I hear Caesar say, "That ain't your fucken business. And no, they ain't just seeing someone. They got fucken boyfriends asshole. So, mind your business and don't be a fucken idiot next time and learn some damn manners fucken assuming people can't pay just cuz they're black." I see that guy exhale, not replying, hear Caesar exhale, and see that door close.

I exhale, look back at Caesar, see him smirk at me, and hear him say, "Shit. Said it at the beginning of the semester, we got the best-looking ones and knew we were gonna have to keep an eye out for dicks but now I know we also gotta take care of dicks that be delivering fucken pizza to their house. Shit man." I exhale, feeling my smirk, shake my head at his accurate description of our situation, and start walking back to the living room, feeling him to my left. I stop at the entrance of the living room and exhale, seeing that hair being held above her head, with the long soft afro coming down between those shoulder blades, seeing her picking up my cup and walking over to the kitchen. I inhale, seeing her put that cub in the microwave to warm it up, knowing it must be room-temperature by now and I prefer to have it hotter than that. I see her lean on the opposite counter, watching the timer on the microwave, thinking about whatever 'Jazmine' things she's thinking about, and hear the cursing and laughing and cackling coming from the right side of that room, in the living room where my brother, friends and their girlfriends are, hearing them 'enjoying' themselves, knowing I don't see the reasoning behind spending time on those games but I know she finds enjoyment in that, like I find contentment in pushing my body over its limit time and time again and she tells me to not push myself too much because I could injure myself. We're different, we are. She can find 'joy' in things I can't or possibly won't, she still believes people are predominantly good based on her giving that girl with that voice that makes me shiver even two seconds of her time, but we're also similar in the ways that matter, in the goals to better a community, whether that's through her wanting to save a sorry excuse for a man from being sent back to a place where he had more detrimental roads than progressive ones to choose from, to me continuing to write strongly worded letters about Shabazz's innocence to the government, to her going into the medical field to focus on the older folk, a population of our country that constantly is set aside because their voices are not as loud as others, to the evidence I brought forth that helped the DA's office free innocent men of all colors, men who in status, economic, and social aspects do not have voices as loud as others as well. We're similar in many ways and not similar in many ways. And, it's possible, spending this much time with her, I want more, not just what she's willing to give, but more of something different, something bigger, more change in this world, no matter what that looks like.

I hear Caesar say, "Happy birthday brother." I exhale and say, "Thank you." I feel that pat on my upper back, see him pass me, and hear him say, "Took too damn long to see you happy man." I inhale. June 3rd, when we started dating. November 6th, today. Five months and three days and I feel, relaxed and content. I still do not believe people are made for each other and I am not superstitious, believe in numerical signs, believe in folk tales, or that people find who they belong to, if they belong with anyone at all. I believe in science and action. And, I also believe what I am right now is enough for her. I hear that beep, see those hips move up, feel my smirk, feel myself move up, get to the kitchen counter, move around it, see her push the button to open the microwave, step behind her, see that slender neck with that white gold necklace that's somehow making that neck look softer right now, grab those warm hips, and feel her shiver. I see her turn around, letting my hands move around those hips, see those dark forest greens looking up at me, see that tint, and hear her say, "Bestie, everyone's right here." I go down, taste those full lips, knowing they would taste like something sweet and that tea, feel her push in, know I want more, but first I want to tell her. I pull away, see her open her eyes, and I say, "Later, about that painting. I want to tell you more."

I see that smile, her nod, and then hear, "Huey told your ass to stop making out with Jazzy girl till she helps me kill this damn dinosaur looking fucken turtle!" I exhale, see those lips move, and hear her whisper, "Just until the pizzas are done okay, then you can tell me everything." I exhale and nod, waiting for those pizzas to finish to tell her about that painting.

I ask him, "So did you like today?" I feel him exhale and I put my cheek on that clean white shirt that smells like detergent and Irish Spring soap because it's Huey. I know all we did was eat, hang out with friends like a normal day, plus Ed and Rummy making it even more fun, and played video games, but that's still a lot to do today, a day he doesn't like celebrating. But he still did it. He still hung out and let us all celebrate his birthday hanging out together. I exhale, smile into that shirt, and hope he's okay with how much I like hugging him like this, especially when I'm happy.

I hear that voice say, "That painting." I smile, knowing he really liked it and wanted to tell me more about it. I hear him whisper, "It was my father's favorite painting." I open my eyes, see that bright white shirt I was smelling, exhale, and remember what Huey always needs that he doesn't say he needs. I close my eyes and exhale again so I can just let him talk.

I hear him say, "I don't know how I know this. I do remember when they took us to DuSable the first time and he pointed it out." I feel him exhale and hear him say, "And he had a replica in his home office." I feel that hand squeeze my fist and I ask, "Does it make you feel bad to see it?" I feel him move in closer to my body, feel that broad back with my nipples, swallow, and hear him say, "No." I exhale and then hear him say, "It reminds me of a different time. A time of little worry. But it doesn't bring back unpleasant memories so no, it doesn't make me feel grief." I exhale again, nod, and wait for him to keep talking.

After those seven seconds I hear him say, "I believe my father not only kept one in our apartment but also at his office at the community college where he worked. So, it reminds me of his dedication to teaching African American history at that school and how he wanted to bring that dedication home to us." I feel my eyes open. His dad taught African American history at a community college. What community college? His dad also liked art. What kind of art? I wonder if his mom liked art to and helped his dad researching for those classes he taught. He said his mom liked cooking. What kind of cooking? Jazmine focus. I squeeze him a little tighter, hear him exhale longer, and I wait, hoping I'm still giving him that stability he needs. I hear him say, "But, I would still more than consider associating that painting to the dish with those changes you made, watching you teach those idiots about that game that you still haven't told me when you had time for, and having that tea tonight."

I smile, close my eyes, put my face back in that broad back, and I say, "When I was little, before you guys moved here, I found a Nintendo in our attic. I asked mom and she said it was his." I feel him inhale, I squeeze him more, hear him exhale, and I say, "I asked him if I could play with it. He said I could have it if I got the parts needed to use it on our TV. So, I think that weekend, mom took me to an old game store, bought me the parts, we connected it to the TV in the living room, and we played with it for a whole weekend. Mom showed me how to do that move to get all those lives. I learned it in those two days. It was so much fun." I inhale, smelling that soap, that warm blanket that is Huey, and I say, "Then, the next weekend when I tried looking for it, I couldn't find it. I asked mom and we looked for it all over the house and we both couldn't find it. Then mom asked him and I remember he said he threw it away because he didn't want me playing with those games because I already had too many toys and I would just want more." I exhale, feeling that heat in his chest rise, move my hand out of his and move it up and down his chest, reminding me of the first time I did it in Chicago when he was telling me about wanting to go see his mom and dad, but that day his chest was cold. He was scared. At least I think that's what it means when he's cold. Right now it's getting hot and I know that means he's getting mad. I try to go faster, knowing I sometimes go off on tangents, and I don't want him to feel bad or mad on this day, and I say, "I don't know why he did it but it's okay because all I remember from that is having fun with my mom that weekend." I feel that chest rise and fall, feeling that heat still there, kiss that back, feel him exhale longer, and I hear him say, "Do you." I hear him stop, inhale, and then he says, "Want one?"

I open my eyes, feel my smile, and I say, "No bestie. It was nice to play with it today, remember that weekend with mom, and then show my sister and friends how to do it, and even try to teach Ed and Rummy how to play the game, but I'm okay with that staying back there, you know, back when I was little. It's okay today. And I have so much today that I wanna still learn about and read about and look up online that I really don't have time for those games. Maybe one day, like a long time from now, if I ever you know, have a family, then maybe I'll want to play those games with kids, you know like little kids." I feel him exhale, knowing my face is getting warm, trying to stop it, and I hear him say, "You mean playing that game with children of your own." I inhale, close my eyes, exhale, knowing my face is hot now, and I need to relax a little and I say, "Well, yeah. But right now I don't need it. I just need to focus on getting good grades in school, doing extracurricular stuff, like the volunteer service, not just because I like it but because it looks good on college applications, and hope with all that one day I can get accepted to as many colleges as I can so I can try to go to the same college you go to." I open my eyes, knowing that sounded so dumb. Like why do I keep thinking we're going to go to the same college and be together forever? Like, that's such a fairy tale princess idea and Huey's just not into that stuff. I need to say I'm sorry for being so childish still.

I exhale and say, "I'm sorry Huey. I shouldn't just keep assuming you even want us," but I stop when I feel that large hand of his grab mine again. I feel that hand squeeze mine into that fist he likes doing to my hand and I hear him say, "You will." I inhale, close my eyes, feel my smile, put my face into that back again, and I say, "Okay bestie." I hear him exhale, inhale, and feel that hand of his let go of my hand just a little, knowing he wants to sleep like this tonight because he's not letting go of my hand to let me play with his hair. He wants me to hold him tonight while he goes to sleep, on his birthday. I have so much today.

Then I hear that monotone voice say, "Remember to use that smaller drawer for any of your extra close you want to leave here." I feel my eyes open, see that bright white shirt again, feel my mouth open, feel him move back a little more, feel that broad back up against my chest now, close my mouth to swallow, hear him swallow, and then I hear him say, "And." I blink, not knowing what's happening right now, and I hear him say, "I understand most guys would ask for more tonight but." I blink, hearing him, but not sure how to process the words he's saying, and he continues, "After that gift and talking about my father, I would prefer if we just slept." I hear him stop, hear him swallow, and he says, "Like this."

I blink, once, twice, not sure how many times, knowing he just told me that drawer is for me to leave my extra clothes here and also that he knows guys usually ask for more, maybe like sex or other things, on their birthday, but he doesn't. He just wants to lay like this and go to sleep. After reminding him of a time where he didn't worry because he was a little kid, living with his mom and dad, and was probably really, really happy, he just wants me to hold him tonight, like this. And, maybe he said it because he thinks I expect more from him. Maybe he even thinks I'll think about him differently if he's not what I expect him to be, if he's not like other guys, wanting to do more stuff tonight than just lay here. My bestie. He wants me to think of him as a guy and he might be afraid, even if that's one of those things he'll never admit to, that I won't. I have to remind him.

I close my eyes and say, "Huey." I swallow and say, "I like who you are. And you're still more of a guy than any guy I know." I hear him swallow, feel my smile, and I say, "So don't worry about any of that stuff. I just want us to, you know, be together, as best friends or if we're." I stop, feel my face getting warm, and I say, "Dating. I just want us to be what we are. And, I know you won't say it because you're Huey, but I think today was really nice, better than nice, like maybe perfect, and I want us to just go to sleep to, like this. And." I exhale, feeling my face get hot, and I say, "Thank you for letting me use that drawer. I can leave some of my pajamas and extra clothes here for Sundays when I leave early to go hang out with my mom and sister and not have to rush home to change. So, thank you." I feel him move back even more and feel his lower back with my stomach, knowing he doesn't want us to do anything tonight, feeling my smile, thinking maybe he wants us to just cuddle tonight. I put my leg up a little more, feeling the back of his thigh with my knee, those strong calves his socks normally cover with my foot, and I say, "I really thought you got that drawer to put more of your socks and underwear and those white shirts you like wearing to sleep now in there. I really didn't think it was for me bestie. That was like, really nice of you. Thank you."

I hear that exhale, wonder if he's smirking in that cute way only I can see, and I hear him say, "Only in your Jazmine head." I feel my smile and I say, "Goodnight warm brain." I hear that inhale, know he has to be tired from being around Ed and Rummy today and that pizza I know makes him a little sick still, and hear him say, "Jazmine." I say, "Yes bestie?" I feel that chest move up, move down, and then hear him say, "Do you remember what I said about wanting you to meet Aunt Cookie?" I feel my eyes open, see that bright shirt, swallow, feeling my heart skip remembering that day, and I say, "Yes. That I was the only thing you ever wanted to show Aunt Cookie." I smile, looking at that bright shirt, remembering those words, right before he kissed me that first time. I hear him inhale and hear him say, "And I do nothing halfway. I said that because I meant it." I kiss that back, hear him exhale, and I say, "I know bestie. By why are you bringing it up? I know you're really tired from today and we can talk about that tomorrow." I feel that chest move up and hear him say, "It needs to be said tonight." I hear him inhale and continue, "I meant what I said that day Jazmine. And I meant it on any day of the week, including on a hot day here or in Chicago, whether the sun is out or it's not, regardless of the additional amount of melanin that is produced by the body to protect the skin from exposure to the sun, which for many people with a lighter pigmentation leads to becoming sunburn."

I feel my eyebrow rise, confused. Melanin. The Sun. Lighter pigmentation. Becoming sunburn. My skin gets red when I'm in the sun for too long. I feel my eyes open. What I said about skin that doesn't get red in the sun when we were eating earlier. I swallow and ask, "Are you talking about what I said about my skin getting red in the sun Huey?" I hear that long exhale, I blink, and then I hear him say, "And Aunt Cookie took some sort of liking to you, regardless of your creative nicknames and exposure to the sun because she judges people based on showing them exactly who they want to be." Aunt Cookie liked me. I feel my smile. And, she only cares about what people want to be. I feel my eyes open. Aunt Cookie doesn't care that my skin gets red when I'm the sun for too long as long as I know what I want to be. I look down at that back, feeling my smile get bigger, knowing Aunt Cookie doesn't care that I get red in the sun and that other ignorant people get confused about what I am because Aunt Cookie only cares that I'm exactly who I want to be. I kiss that back and say, "Okay bestie. I'll remember that about Aunt Cookie."

I close my eyes, feeling happy with today, everything about today, our friends, playing that game, talking about his dad and my mom, and now this. I feel that chest rise, feel it getting warm, wondering if he's okay, and I hear him say, "And the result of that exposure to the sun is who you are and I like nothing halfway." I open my eyes, feel his hand squeeze my hand a little tighter into that fist, see that warm brain sink into that pillow, and I breathe. Did Huey just say in his own Huey way that me getting red in the sun is part of who I am and he likes that part of me because he likes me? I exhale, knowing, over everything he just told me that made me happy, what he said right now is the best part. And, I want to get on the bed and jump up and down because I'm so happy, but seeing that afro in that pillow, feeling that chest move up and down with that heat in his chest coming down, hearing those inhales and exhales, and knowing how Huey doesn't talk about feelings or liking someone, I smile, thinking maybe he can talk about feelings when it's about us. Just like I get to listen to that voice as much as I want when we're alone, maybe he does talk about feelings when it's about us. And, right now, after talking about his dad and feelings, he needs that stability again and he needs to rest and not have me jump on the bed just because I'm really happy.

I close my eyes and inhale that scent that is Huey, hoping after everything today, he's going to sleep a little happier because he liked what happened today. And, I hope he lets me give him another present that makes him a little happy next year when we have another Huey celebration day.

Hi, hope you all liked it. Almost done with the next chapter. Hope to hear how, if, and/or why you all liked it.

Thank you again,

Bulma's Ego.