Chapter 28 – The Conversation

This chapter was inspired by the speculations about the mole and the story line that was started with 8x13 "Hot Water". Also, it references one of the earlier chapters, if you remember that scene where Deeks tore apart the rest room looking for the proof that someone leaked the info he only told Hetty and Callen, and he trusted them both enough to know they wouldn't tell anyone without his permission.

It's awfully late, I know. I wish I would've finished writing this story right when I started it, but after my writer's block ended, the spark for this story just stopped.

Here, I am 3 years later with the 28th chapter and hopefully, I will have the 29th, and last one for this story out shortly. I have the outline in mind, I just have to write it. Bear with me.

To my reviewers:

Guest: Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Caroline: You were right and you might have just cracked what will happen in this chapter. Hope that if you are still around, you'll be reading this chapter and thank you so much for your words.

To the other guest: I'm sorry my story was a disappointment. The OC is Deeks' cousin, and Mrs. Deeks is actually Deeks' mother. Kensi does become a Mrs. Deeks in one of the chapters tho. I never wrote that Deeks was in a relationship with the OC, but I guess I couldn't make you read the story and the notes before every chapter, right? Ultimately if you don't like something than back out and don't read it.

To sville90: It's been a long time since I visited the reviews, so I'm not sure if I replied to you, but yes, it was always my plan to finish it.

…

"Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."

-Benjamin Franklin

*30th of July*

It wasn't a secret. It wasn't a secret at all. They were gonna tell him when the time was right. At least that's what she thought when she promised not to say anything. Right now he was pissed. But, not at her for not telling him. Not at Hope for going into the lion's den. He was mad at Hetty for sending her there. Or maybe he was angry at all of them. In the end they disclosed an important information from him, and he was brought to a boiling point.

Kensi absentmindedly touched her belly, thinking of what was Deeks doing now.

…

*5 hours ago*

After the plane departed, they all went to their vehicles and drove to each of their homes. There were no active cases at the moment, and the paperwork could wait. Hetty's orders.

Everyone knew how similar all of this was to Kensi's mission in Afghanistan. Hetty telling her she needed to leave and there was no actual goodbye with Deeks. Hetty regretted that very much, and she regretted to have to send Hope alone. But, the difference between the two missions was that Kensi went to Afghanistan totally blind. She didn't know the nature of the mission and the identity of the White Ghost. But, at least she had AD Granger with her. Hope knew the nature of her mission, and know who she was going after, yet, she had no help from a familiar face.

Hetty was thinking about her decision and what it will bring upon her team when she noticed a familiar figure walking to her office.

"Good morning, Henrietta."

"Good morning, Owen. Scotch?"

"Yes. I'll have a double, if you don't mind."

"Isn't it too early for that?"

"Well, you were the one to ask, so…"

"Touché, like Mr. Deeks will say. How was Washington, Owen?"

"The same as always, Henrietta. With what happened to our team and the leak of information, Vance wants me to stay here and take control of the situation."

"So, we have another mole."

"Maybe it was always the same mole, Henrietta. Carl Brown was just a toy in their hands. A scapegoat."

"That means no one is safe. Our ops may be compromised. If someone enters in our database and gets a hold of the information on the cases and our agents there will be hell."

"Let's hope that we will capture the son of a bitch before they bring this team apart."

"Amen to that, Owen."

…

Deeks was very quiet on their way back to their apartment. While they were on their way back to their apartment. While they were on vacation they figured out that they wanted to buy a bigger apartment, or even a house. Now that they were getting a new member in the family, they needed more space and Deeks wanted it to be a mutual decision. Something both of them would buy. Together.

Deeks was watching the scenery out of his window, totally not here with his mind. Kensi was more worried now than she ever was for him with Hope around. That woman may have arrived in their lives unexpectedly, but she left an imprint and Kensi admitted to herself that she had the balls to ground Deeks and bring him to reality. Something that no one did in all the time they have known him.

"Deeks, we are home." Kensi spoke as she parked the car.

"Hmm, yes, okay."

They entered in their apartment.

"You gonna give me the silent treatment until I make you talk, or what?"

"I already told you, it's not a big deal!" Deeks raised his voice a little.

"Don't yell at me. You are acting like a child for a while now, refusing to talk to me, when I know something is definitely wrong with you, and you still keep your mouth shut."

"Impressive speech. Are you finished?"

"You are going to be sarcastic now? Only you can be sarcastic when we talk about serious things. I just want to know what's wrong with you, so I can help you. Capisci?"

"Now you are talking Italian, too. One more reminder that I don't know how to speak other languages, huh?"

"This is not about the language, Martin! This is about you acting out when you know something's not right."

"Well, I never had a normal childhood, so I can't really know what acting out means, right? And you better than anyone else know what it's like when someone tries to make you talk about something that's awfully wrong!"

Kensi watched the emotions dance on Deeks' face and she knew he was right, but she still held her ground.

"I refuse to back down until you speak up. We had a perfect honeymoon on a perfect island and half of the time you spent being ignorant and grumpy. Out with it already."

"Tanevski escaped from prison."

Kensi was caught off guard with Deeks' words. He looked at her and he knew she was familiar with the topic the second she didn't reply.

"You knew." It wasn't a question.

"I… um… Yes, I knew."

"And you didn't tell me. Great."

"Calm down, Deeks. I was going to tell you, but first it was our wedding, and then I didn't want to aggravate you and make you angry."

I wanted to protect you. From yourself.

"Who else knew?"

"I don't know. I-"

"Don't lie to me Kensi! Who else?"

"Hope. And Hetty, I guess. Hope agreed with me. Besides she didn't tell me, I figured it out myself."

"She knew and she didn't tell me. She left knowing that he is out and…" Suddenly it dawned on Deeks. "She went to Macedonia to get him."

Kensi didn't have to tell him anything. He found his answer when he looked at her.

"Hetty." Deeks said and he grabbed the keys of his car.

"Wait! Deeks… Marty, don't do anything stupid, please."

"Oh, believe me, I'm not going to do anything. Just gonna kill her."

"Why are you doing this? You know she would've gone with or without Hetty sending her."

"No, I don't know that. Not for sure. And I don't know about what you think of your time in Afghanistan, but when Hetty sent you there, a part of me was forever lost. A part of me was ripped apart and thrown to the wolves. You were told you are leaving immediately without saying goodbye or anything else. Without saying goodbye to me. Without seeing you for maybe the last time.

"I was forced to live without you for months and when I asked about you, if you needed me there, I was treated like I wasn't competent enough to be there, for my partner. The woman I loved. I felt like I was guilty for you being sent away on what was practically a suicide mission. And not once I said anything about it. I kept my mouth shut. I let them treat me like I wasn't up to the task.

"But, now, I'm not gonna stay shut up. I'll tell her everything I have kept inside for so long, because this burden is unbearable!"

With that Deeks left their home and headed for the Mission.

After a moment the door opened again. "And if you call her to warn her I'm coming…"

Kensi sat on the couch contemplating what just happened. She put her hands over her face and screamed, tears of frustration streaming out of her eyes. She feared for this day, when Deeks would blow over the clusterfuck that the Afghanistan mission was, but she didn't know that it would be so soon.

"Where are you when I need you Hope?" Kensi spoke to the silence in the apartment.

She didn't realize how much Hope acted as a buffer between Deeks and everyone else while she was still there.

…

Sam was in the middle of his family meal when his phone buzzed. He cussed his job, but when he saw Kensi's number, he picked up at once.

"What's up, Kens? Why are you yelling? Slow down, slow down. Deeks what? Okay, I'll call Callen. Talk to you later."

Sam did just as he promised Kensi, he called Callen and they both agreed to go to the Mission and see what could be done about the situation. When they arrived at the Mission, they saw the Malibu was already parked there.

"Oh-oh, looks like they started without us." Sam said as he turned the Challenger engine off.

…

Deeks was fuming by the time he parked his car in front of the Mission. He sat in the vehicle for a few minutes to clear his head, to think over the conversation he had with Kensi, but he knew he needed to talk to Hetty. It was now or never kind of situation.

"What bring you here today, Mr. Deeks?"

"You'll find out in a while."

Deeks slowly drew a chair and sat in it. "Don't want to show disrespect to you Assistant Director, but I need to talk to Hetty alone, preferably." Deeks turned to Granger, and he knew something was wrong by the tone of Deeks' voice.

"Fine by me. I'll leave you to it. Henrietta."

Taking his glass of scotch, Granger left Hetty's office.

"Now we are all alone, Hetty. It's time for us to have a little chat about some things."

"What do you need, Mr. Deeks?"

"Answers to my questions would be great. Also it would be even greater, and certainly calm my conscience, if I stopped feeling guilty about past events."

"What's the problem Mr. Deeks?"

"Several problems to be exact, Hetty. And I'm still making the list in my head. I have a question first, before we discuss everything else. What have I ever done, to deserve this?"

The hurt and the pain behind his words got to Hetty. Deeks wasn't a person that made big fuss about himself and his feelings. He always took the words and the deeds of his colleagues with a smile, like nothing was wrong in the world. But, now he was certainly done with it all.

"I don't understand."

"You will. Soon." Deeks took a deep breath. "You know, I never thought I'd be here having this conversation with you, right here, right now."

"We don't have to do this, if you don't want to."

"It's not about what I want this time, Hetty. It's about what I need to do. If you just let Hope stay here, where all of us could pitch in and make a plan on how to catch Tanevski, then I would've gone with my day as usual. But, no. Instead of being here, with us, she is on a plane to Macedonia, to complete a mission that may kill her. And today may have been the last time I saw my cousin. It's like a déjà vu, don't you think?"

"Mr. Deeks, I assure you-"

"No! Don't assure me, Hetty. Today nothing is certain. All we have is us and our friends to count on. The ones that have friends anyway. Sometimes I feel like an orphan despite of all of you surrounding me."

"What happened to you, Marty?"

"What happened to me? What happened is that I can't live in peace, Hetty. I am on the verge of going crazy. I hate when I feel this helpless. The last time I felt like this was when my father almost killed me and my mother."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's behind me. I try not to dwell on it. At least not that much, anyway. Why I came here, Hetty, is to talk about Hope. Why did you send her alone?"

"She is not alone. She will be monitored by me at all times. And she has, let's just say, a way to communicate with all of us, if the need arises."

"This was totally unnecessary, Hetty. And keeping it from me. Why?"

"She asked for it. She said she wanted to spare you from having to worry over Tanevski, because she could tell you were happy. She is aware of the risk this mission imposes, Mr. Deeks."

"Oh, like Kensi was aware when you sent her to Afghanistan?"

"I don't like the tone of your voice."

"You don't have to."

"You are out of your mind, if you think I would let my agents go blindly into a mission."

"Congratulations, you figured it out."

"Please keep in mind that we can handle this, like two adults, Mr. Deeks."

"Oh, I am calm, Hetty, you haven't seen me pissed off, yet."

Deeks took a deep breath.

"When you sent Kensi to Afghanistan, you crossed a line. I didn't say anything out of respect, and because no one seemed to trust me with the details of the mission she was supposed to complete, because like always, Deeks is the weakest link, he'll crumble under the pressure, he'd do something stupid. Instead, I took it all in stride, let myself believe it was my fault that Kensi was sent there. It was like I was the reason she was chosen for that mission. And it hurt, Hetty.

"Of course, you don't know how I felt, and I hope to God, you never know. You, Granger and everyone else made it clear with your stupid little comments and your attitude that I was the one to be held responsible that my partner was sent away. I felt like an outcast for months. Just like in the beginning when I first started working here. And now this thing with Hope? It feels like the situation with Kensi, only worse.

"And again, I'm the reason."

"You misunderstood the reasons, Mr. Deeks."

"I understand it very well, Hetty. It is all because of me. All the people I love end up either killed or sent away. I understand that Hope proved to be a great agent and field operative, that she is brave, competent, and reliable. She knows this man better than all of us, but when you are faced with that master manipulator, that sick son of a bitch, all your training falls into water. You are on your own. Alone. I don't know if you understand me, or if you ever will, but I am sick of people being pulled into sudden missions overseas because of me."

"And I'm to blame for it?"

"You are to blame, because you choose the wrong people to send. And you know that yourself. You don't need me to tell you that."

"I'm not gonna tolerate your accusations and your sarcasm anymore. Either you say what you want or leave immediately."

"Now we are talking!" Deeks slightly raised his voice.

It was then when Callen and Sam entered in the bullpen and found Hetty and Deeks in a heated argument.

Deeks felt restless so he abandoned his sitting position. He leaned over Hetty's desk.

"I want to know, why you thought sending Hope to Macedonia without consulting any of us, without making a plan together, was the only viable option. Why was it so important to hide the fact that Tanevski escaped from prison and play games behind my back? Had I known, I would've personally flown down there to get him into custody or die trying."

"That's the exact reason why I didn't tell you, Mr. Deeks. Because it more of your personal vendetta now than it's taking him back here."

"Well, if it's conflict of interest, or personal vendetta as you call it, then, why Hope out of all of us? She is has a bigger motive than I do, to put a bullet between his eyes and get it over with, and you know it. It's personal for her, too. Es geht nicht um Rache!"

"Then what else there is, if not revenge, Mr. Deeks?"

"Justice. Pure and simple. That's the whole truth."

"The truth is rarely pure, and never simple, Mr. Deeks."

"Oh, quit it, Hetty. I don't need you to quote me Oscar Wilde to know that. I just want to know what's so different about Hope that she got the green light, and got all of us sidelined?"

"She told you about what happened?"

"No. And as everything else lately, I found out on my own, because as we established, no one tells me anything of importance around here."

"I told you everything I had to say to you, Mr. Deeks. It's on you how do you choose to interpret my words. I don't think we can have a reasonable talk right now."

"Nothing reasonable can help my anger now, Hetty. First, I find out that man escaped from prison, then that my own wife knew about it and she deliberately kept it from me. Third, and certainly not the last one on my list, my cousin's case, kept under wraps so badly was indeed connected to Kristijan Tanevski. Tell me what reason could possibly explain all of this? What else can change the fact that I'm the last one that gets the memo?"

"Maybe you should drink some scotch and clear your head. It will help you to get back to normal."

"Maybe this is my normal, and you failed to see me, the real me."

"If it makes you feel any better, Owen will join her shortly. He will be her backup. I'm sending him after this conversation ends. Do you really thing I am that heartless, Mr. Deeks?"

"No, I don't. But, I think that sending Granger won't help her when she finally faces him off. She needs someone else there, too."

She needs me, is what Deeks didn't say out loud.

"You have to think of yourself first now, Martin. You just married. You are going to have a baby. It's not about your priorities and what you want anymore."

"I just don't want another Kensi in Afghanistan situation, Hetty. It's not about what my priorities are. I just want to see this thing finished, once and for all."

"I can't promise you anything right now, Mr. Deeks. I can't even promise you Ms. Brandel will come out of this unscathed. What I can promise you is that I'll do my best to protect her. And remember, you are not the only one that's suffering from what that man did to you."

"You think I don't know that, Hetty? I perfectly well know that man brought so much hurt and pain to this world. But, I don't want to see all of this fall like a house of cards, and Hope to end up hurt once again because of him. I want to protect her."

"So do I, Mr. Deeks."

Deeks deflated at that, and Hetty saw an opportunity to end this conversation.

"Will you forgive me, Mr. Deeks? Will you forgive me for the mistake I made regarding Ms. Blye and her mission in Afghanistan?"

Deeks didn't expect this from Hetty. It was really not something he thought he'd hear from her.

"I could try. I can't promise you anything, but try. Just, don't for one second think that I'll forget about all of this."

"I would think no such thing, Mr. Deeks."

"Good. One more thing. Next time you decide something like this, keep me in on the plans. I am an agent now, not just your push-the-paperwork-forward boy."

"You have my word, Mr. Deeks. Are we good?"

"Yes, we are good, Hetty."

…

Deeks left the mission and drove aimlessly down the streets of LA replaying the conversation with Hetty in his head. After getting out of her office, Sam and Callen came to find him and talk to him. Sam gave him a pep talk about him leaving distressed Kensi, and Callen promised that he'd coordinate everything with Hetty and Granger if and when the time came to help Hope out with Tanevski. That didn't make Deeks feel better about what was happening with the whole Hope thing, but he realized at some point, he'd need to accept that, before he became bitter and old, holding grudges.

He stopped just outside of Sunset Boulevard and dialed a number.

…

*Mustafa Kemal Atatürk Airport, Istanbul, Turkey*

The flight for Skopje was delayed for another three hours. Hope was stuck on the Terminal 1 at the huge airport. She was in deep thought when the phone Nell slipped in her pocket buzzed.

'Caller ID: Deeks'

She knew that sooner or later Deeks would call. Deeks wouldn't have called her hours after she departed, if it wasn't for the reason Hope knew he was calling for.

"Hello?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Deeks was straight to the point then. Very well.

Hope took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"I'll take that as you know about him."

"Yes. Why Hope? Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me?"

"It's not about trust, Marty. I need to finish this by myself. Plus, there's nothing you could change by coming here. It's complicated Marty."

"I know. I know, Hope. I know why you did what you did."

In that moment Hope realized that Deeks knew. He knew about her husband, and their unborn child. He knew about her real reason for hunting down Tanevski.

"Sorry to have kept you in the dark, Marty. I couldn't say no when Hetty broached the subject. I asked her not to tell you. It wasn't supposed to be like that."

"I know. And I had time to cool off, so there's no bad blood between us. It will take me a bit longer to process all of this, but what's done is done, and nothing I do can change that. I can't force you to come back to the States, as much as I can't just buy a ticket and be on the next plane for Istanbul."

"Tell me you didn't do anything stupid."

"I confronted Hetty."

"Oh boy."

"Yeah. But, it was way overdue. I like her and all, she is like a mother to all of us, but God, I needed to get this off my chest."

"I understand why you did it, Marty. Look, I have couple of hours before my flight, so what do you say we talk a little more?"

"Okay."

…

Deeks finished his call with Hope and after taking a U-turn he drove back home to the apartment. He owed Kensi an apology for how he behaved.

She was sat on the sofa when he got inside, watching TV on mute.

"I'm sorry."

Kensi turned around to face Deeks and realized that whatever it was that happened with his earlier wasn't there anymore. Either Deeks found his answers and moved on, or he filed it away for later.

But, whatever it was, she was glad Deeks was back home.

As if on cue, both of them moved and met in the middle. Deeks held on to Kensi, mindful of her belly, and caressed her hair, trying to breathe her in and remember what was it that made him fall in love with her in the first place.

"God, I'm so sorry, Kens."

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have kept it from you that Tanevski escaped from prison. That's on me."

"No need to apologize to me, Kensi. I understand now why you did it. I spoke with Hetty. And Hope. I'm sorry I left in a hurry like that."

"You came back to me. That's all I care about. I knew you wouldn't be mad for long."

Deeks kissed Kensi before he pulled her so they were seated on the couch.

"What are we going to do now, Deeks?"

"We wait. As much as I hate to say this, we can't do anything else about it. If we go to Macedonia all at once, we'll spook Tanevski and he may not resurface in another 10 years and I don't want to risk that. When the time comes, we'll be prepared to assist her. She is not alone."
Kensi nodded along with Deeks' words and took his hand in hers.

"We can do this together, Marty. You and me. The team. We can do it."

"I'm so tired." Deeks sighed.

"Then let's go to bed. I need a nap, and you could help with that by massaging my feet."

"I knew you married me only because of my massage skills."

"Busted."

Deeks smiled for the first time in a while and followed Kensi to their bedroom.

Things weren't perfect. But, they'd be okay, eventually.