Can I ask you something but you won't say anything to Stellan?
Of course, Anya.
I want to stay here for Christmas break.
Oh.
That's really short notice.
It's only two weeks until winter break.
I felt a hesitant Elodie slide up next to me and glance at my phone.
"Ouch," she drug the word out and made this groaning sound in her throat.
"Right?" I whispered back, looking through all the twinkling lights around us like reading his name could summon him.
"How are you going to let him down gently?" She wondered aloud. The bangles on her bracelet were clanging as she quickly typed on her phone while simultaneously scanning the crowd for the guys.
"Me?" I hissed back. My breath formed a small cloud and broke up as it lifted into the star-filled sky. She just laughed as my phone buzzed with a flurry of texts from Anya.
It's okay.
Nevermind.
Forget it.
I'll just come.
Why do you want to stay?
I shifted in my knee high, three-inch heeled boots Elodie swore I had to wear for this 'date night' I was about to suffer through. The text bubble of Anya's reply kept popping up and going away. I locked my phone and looked around Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland. It was as if a Christmas decoration store had thrown up on a county fair. That was harsh, but I was grumpy, or lunatique as Elodie had started calling me since Thanksgiving. I still hadn't tried to look it up because I was pretty sure even the way it sounded in English was pretty spot on.
Hyde Park was dark, cold, and had way more gawking people than I was used to. Groups of teenagers and some women much older than me were openly pointing as they gobbled down super long hot dogs, or sipped from steaming cups of coffee. The thing that bothered me most was that this would have been a fun date night if Stellan and I weren't two of the most photographed people in London these days. I finally felt a series of buzzes and unlocked my phone again.
All my friends are staying.
I'll get extra riding time.
I really don't want to go to that Christmas ball.
"You and me both," I grumbled, then took a deep frigid breath.
I will talk to him.
But he still might say no.
Thank you, Avery!
You're the best!
"She has way too much faith in me." I shook my head and tossed my phone into my purse, handing it over to Elodie.
"You're the good cop she's been waiting for her whole life," Elodie smirked, swinging my bag onto her other shoulder.
"So that makes Stellan the bad cop?" I laughed.
"I can count on one hand the number of times Stellan wasn't a domineering fun killer and three of them are too sordid to be telling his new wife."
"Elodie!" I whipped my head around hoping no one heard us. I doubted it with the bubble of space our security guards had created but I wanted to be sure. I sat down on the bench outside the ice skating rink, the cold seeping through my black skinny jeans.
"I never said they involved me," she clarified. "I'm Luc's friend too you know."
"I bet I'm the only person who doesn't know all this."
"Hold onto the mystery, Avery." She shifted both of the bags and scowled out into the crowd searching for them again. "When it fades so does the love."
My mouth quirked with disapproval, but then I heard another person whisper-shout my name and looked up to see more pointing. Right, I had to be on point tonight, this was for the cameras. I forced my face back into neutral. Stellan and Jack were late, and there was only so much staring at Elodie I could do before it would look weird for the cameras. I glanced at all the decorations of snowflakes, holly and nutcrackers lit up around us and I remembered an important mission.
I leaned toward Elodie and asked, "did you get it yet?"
"You'll have to be more specific," she rose a perfectly arched eyebrow at me. I scowled at her in return, only to quickly pretend to laugh it off as I heard another round of pops from the flashes go off behind us.
"The item I asked you to procure for me," I answered, fluffing my scarf in an attempt to look casual.
"That's not helping me..." Elodie drawled and I quickly snapped back,
"For Stellan!"
"Oh." She smiled, genuinely, at me. "Yes. By the end of this week."
I nodded in approval and then bounced my legs anxiously on the bench. Maybe I could put my skates on to kill some time as we continued to wait. As I slid the zipper down on my first boot and grabbed the plastic blue ice skate Elodie finally turned back around to face me shaking her head,
"Stellan has to do that."
"Don't do this to me," I begged her. She shrugged it off.
"Do you know how to ice skate?"
"Of course I do," I snapped starting to get annoyed at this whole setup. I zipped my boot back up as I tried not to glare at her. Since I couldn't put my own damn skates on I pulled my leather jacket closer instead. Then a kink in her plan materialized in my brain, "does Stellan?"
"I...don't…know." Her perfect red pout dropped open a little as she realized the error in her grandiose setup. I pulled my scarf up over my mouth so you couldn't see me laugh. It wasn't every day you could stump Elodie.
She narrowed her eyes at me, composing herself, and then rose an eyebrow with her seemingly nonchalant shrug, "he's good at everything I'm sure this is another one of those things."
"He sucked at surfing," I mused, watching with glee as her eyes widened in fear. She let out a slew of what I could only assume was French cursing and then shook her head, grumbling,
"Non, non, it's not supposed to happen this way. He's supposed to help you on the ice."
"So, I can't put my own skates on, and I have to pretend I don't know how to skate?" I crossed my arms over my chest so I wouldn't throw them out toward her in my exasperation.
"It's more romantic that way."
"Not if his giant 6-foot ass takes me out!" I hissed at her and we both flinched at the pop of a flash from the paparazzi. I wasn't sure if they were Elodie's hired hands or not, there were so many now it was getting hard to differentiate when we were outside the walls of Riberton. Instantly we both regained composure and I gave her a big, fake, smile. Her eyes shot warning daggers at me but she forced through the teeth of her own big, fake, smile,
"Please."
I pretended to laugh as I said, "it's like living in a bad rom-com whenever I step outside."
"If you'd just let me use the Mex…" she started to say to the ground as she adjusted our bags.
"Watch it." I cut over her through my teeth and then focused on zipping up my jacket again so I could look down as I finished with, "an ice skate is basically a knife."
"I don't know what all this," she leaned toward me make a quick circle around my face and then fluffed my hair, "is about lately but I like it."
"That doesn't surprise me," I narrowed my eyes at her.
To both our relief Jack and Stellan came stalking through the crowd, his Order guards a few feet behind. They were deep in conversation, oblivious to everyone gawking at them as they made their way over. Even Elodie's scowl didn't stop their back and forth. They settled, standing, right next to us, still ignoring the task at hand and I rose an eyebrow in intrigue. This was either going to be something interesting or awful. Who was I kidding? It was going to be awful.
"Realistically though, how much more time are we talking about?" Stellan turned and gave Jack a piercing blue glare.
"You want me to put hours on it?" He returned with an exasperated shake of his head.
"I want you to give me an answer," he evenly replied, though his fists balled up before he shoved them into his jacket pockets.
"You kept dragging your feet about this and now we have to make a snap decision." Jack crossed his arms over his chest, narrowing his stormy eyes at Stellan. I couldn't stop my reaction to it, my fake happy smile sliding off my face. Elodie started to make these little huffs in her chest like she was about to break all this up, lest it ruin her perfect photo op.
"Interesting choice of wording," Stellan snarled.
"Two days," Jack finally spat at him. Stellan sucked in a giant breath through his nose, right as Jack squared his shoulders and I glanced over at Elodie whose eyes had gone huge in surprise. If it was because she knew what they were talking about or she was worried they were about to get into a fist fight in the middle of the Winter Wonderland I wasn't so sure. I need to break this up, fast.
"For what?" I loudly asked over all their brooding silence. The boys seemed to shake awake, looking around the venue for a moment before landing on me, sitting on the bench, my big fake smile on display for the clicking and pointing still happening around us. They quickly shifted their faces to something neutral, dropping their shoulders and then Jack let out a sigh as he finally answered,
"Lydia Saxon went on a hunger strike at the beginning of this week."
I quickly looked down at my rings, twirling them around my finger to hide my shock a little. Memories of our brief and tumultuous relationship flooded over all my emotional control for this very public outing. I knew we would eventually have to have this conversation, but I wasn't exactly ready to be having it here. I'd sort of been hoping they would just tell me she'd died one day and that heavy weight of fear and guilt and worry about her could finally lift. Maybe that could still happen. I blinked against an onslaught of camera flashes and struggled back toward my acting.
"Not here," I gave Jack a big, fake, smile.
He looked around at the guards giving them a few nods and they stepped away from us more, making our circle of privacy even bigger as the growing crowd of onlookers started to get brave. Satisfied he replied, "yes here."
Stellan slammed the toe of his boot into the ground, digging it into the dirt and let out a couple of dark chuckles from his jaw tight. A pinch of pain in my arm made my anger rise as well.
"Are you stupid or just being a dick?" I cracked back at him.
"Everyone smile, right now," Elodie hastily ordered. I plastered on my fake smile, while Jack and I continued to glare at each other. "Stellan go get your skates."
"Absolutely not," he said in a gruff tone. She sucked in a harassed breath and marched over to the stand.
"There is no time," Jack answered shoving his hands into his pockets and shifting his weight to break up his aggressive looking stance.
"You just said we had two fucking days."
"Avery," Stellan warned and I tried to settle. I could not blow up on Jack in front of all these people. Despite knowing Stellan wanted to as well. I rubbed at my arm over my jacket as Elodie rushed over with a pair of gigantic looking skates and I turned my attention back to 'the date'.
Our security guards started talking into their lapels as the crowd grew more around us. Stellan sat next to me pulling his boots off first and shoving his feet into his skates. Elodie started quickly snapping things in French to him and he gave her the most exasperated look. I could have kissed him right there. I probably should have, but I could still feel Jack's glare on me and there was only so much acting I could do in a day.
As I unzipped and started to pull my first boot off, Stellan grabbed a skate, Jack moved closer and lowered his voice to say,
"I understand the necessity of this publicity stunt…"
"Avery, look over your shoulder and smile up at Stellan." Elodie's whisper cut over him.
My brain started to swim with the duplicity of this moment. I did as she said, Stellan strapping me in as I was blinded by the number of flashes now capturing this perfectly crafted scene. When I reached down, fumbling for my other boot he continued,
"But urgent items I inform you of..."
"Now drape your leg over his and smile as he buckles your skate." Elodie directed over him again and the rage boiled in my chest. Now was not the fucking time. But I couldn't even hear the annoying Christmas music over the noise of the crowd.
I hauled my leg up over onto Stellan's who made quick work of strapping me in, giving my leg a pat as I forced my fake smile at the side of his face. Jack reached down to grab both of our shoes roughly, even his patience wearing thin with all of this,
"There will never be a good time to..."
"Now stand up and pretend like you're going to fall so he can steady you."
"Goddammit, Elodie!" I growled through my teeth. Stellan stood and offered me a hand up and I almost didn't take it.
"Do it!" She hissed at me. Stellan yanked me to my feet and I let out a big, fake laugh as I seethed,
"If you wanted me to make front page news why don't I just make out with Jack?"
"That's not awkward at all," Stellan grumbled and tugged me a step closer to him.
"If it would please Her Majesty I can make that happen," Elodie said giving me a huge condescending smile.
I tensed, ready to turn and pounce on her when Stellan crushed me to his chest, letting out a fake laugh as Jack cleared his throat. I took three struggling breaths against his stranglehold, and then tried to squirm away from the hard kisses he was planting on the top of my head. Finally, Elodie said something in French that made both of the boys sigh and he released me, but not before leveling a warning look. Without even looking over at her I said loud enough so I knew she could hear me,
"I'm going to burn all your shoes. Tonight."
She started grumbling things I couldn't quite make out as we moved past the two of them and out onto the slippery ice.
"Do you even know how to ice skate?" I snapped.
He didn't say anything, instead, he pushed about a foot ahead of me and with a little hop started skating backward. He held out a hand, keeping pace, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and took it.
"Are Russians born in ice skates?" I wondered aloud. A few groups of giggling girls pointed as we passed. Stellan shrugged,
"You obviously know very little about Sweden."
As I thought that over I, of course, hit a divot in the ice and tumbled toward him. He effortlessly righted me, spinning back around so he could slide an arm around my waist and keep me upright. I wanted to shake him off, I knew how to skate, but as I caught the flashes and the swooning faces of the crowd as we passed I just gave into Elodie's plan. Maybe if I forced myself to smile until I pulled a muscle I could hole up in the house until after the holiday's now. I wanted to leave and talk about Lydia. I wanted to finish my fight with Jack. But now there were far too many ears around us.
Instead, I kept quiet and skated, forcing myself to keep smiling as I watched all the people skating around me have an actual, authentic, time here. It filled me with this strange mix of angry sadness as I took in the surroundings more. The beautiful gazebo in the center of the ice skating rink, the giant glass bulbs above us, the cinnamon and fried food smells filling the small arena and the shrieks of laughter as people attempted not to fall. Why didn't I get to have a life like that too? I suppose I did have one moment - in Mexico.
I could still remember the smell of the cedar trees billowing around us as we followed the group toward the football field-sized concrete slab of coffee beans. We'd ignored the tour guide telling the other couples how long they dry the beans out for. Instead, he stopped us and pressed me into one of the columns for the roof kissing me until I was breathless. Then whispered that he wished his mother could have met me.
The squealing laughter of a small girl broke apart my memory and I looked up to see a blue beanie with small white snowflakes fall off her blonde hair as she landed with a thud on the ice. Right. Anya. As if this night couldn't get any worse. I tugged on his jacket until he looked down,
"I have some more bad news."
"Avery!" Someone yelled, but I ignored it. "Oh my god, Avery!"
There was a commotion in front of us, bodies parting, bumping and slipping out of the way as everyone ground to a halt. Stellan instinctively grabbed my arm and yanked me closer, his other hand moving toward the small of his back and I tensed. But then a spill of curly red hair and a familiar heart shape face swam into view. I blinked, completely flabbergasted, as she slid closer to the two of us. Then a wall of suits cut her off as Stellan's grip on my arm tightened and I shook awake.
"Amelia?" I called toward her.
"Avery!" She waved around the guards but kept her distance, her bright smile and brilliant green eyes sparkling in surprise.
"You know her?" Stellan whispered toward me and I nodded, still stunned. "How?"
"She was my best friend in fifth grade." I looked up into his skeptical face and gave his hand a few pats so he'd let me go. He lingered, sliding his hold down to my hand instead as I slipped toward our security detail.
"Excuse me," I called out to them and they parted to let us past, in the same moment Amelia launched herself toward me in a laughing hug. I still couldn't shake Stellan's ironclad grip so I awkwardly hugged her back with a single arm.
"I can't believe you're here!" She laughed, hugging me again and then pulled back to look at me.
"Neither can I," Stellan drawled and this odd mix of exasperation and apprehension spiked in my chest. She couldn't be a spy? Could she?
"Amelia this is," I turned toward him and she cut over me gushing,
"Stellan Korolov, your husband. I have been following everything online. I can't believe it. It's like some kind of fairy tale or something."
"Or something," I echoed back, a bit stunned that despite so much time passing she was still the same speed talker I'd had to leave behind, like all my other best friends.
"Oh god," her hands flew to her face, covering her mouth as she turned bright red. "I'm so insensitive. Oh god, forgive me. I'm so sorry about your mum. She was always so warm and funny. Such a horrible tragedy. My mum and I were just remembering the other day how kind you both were to us when we got to the states. How she used to call us yin and yang."
"Right," I gave her a quick nod and looked around us to see that everyone was rubbernecking as hard as they could as they passed our circle of security. "An English American girl and an American English girl."
Amelia let out a bright laugh, her cheeks still a little flushed, glancing behind herself to wave toward her friends. They were filming every second of this on their phones, not even waving back. The crowd behind them was growing, the flashes like strobing Christmas lights. I blinked back toward Amelia,
"Why are you here?"
"Visiting family, of course," she smiled, "only until the New Year and then back for senior year."
"School, right," I forced a smile, this bubble of unease slowly expanding in my chest. I squeezed Stellan's hand to try and force it back down.
"Why in the world are you here? Shouldn't you be at something far more glamorous?"
I let out a laugh because I knew I was supposed to, but it was mirthless. Luckily Amelia was still so shocked she didn't notice. She leaned forward, putting a hand on my shoulder as she laughed back. I was flooded with memories of glitter pens and stickers, friendship bracelets in neon colors and glossy magazines, jump dancing on her bed and eating dinner at her family's table because my mom was out again. Of her whispered promises that she'd ring up Charlie for me the next time she was in London.
"Date night," Stellan supplied with one of his dazzling Circle smiles and bumped my hip, trying to shake me out of it. I smiled blankly back up at him and nodded,
"We have plenty of glamorous things to do tomorrow."
Amelia absolutely beamed at us, her eyes going a little glassy and I braced myself for another flying hug. But instead, she moved closer to me, giving my jacket covered arm a squeeze and lowly said,
"I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you've found happiness. I was worried that I'd done something to offend you when you left and never wrote me back. But now I can see it was because you've had such a difficult life."
"But I wrote to you." I countered, confused. "At least twenty letters. I waited and waited for you."
"Did you?" Her happy smile quirked into a frown, "That's so strange. I sent them to the PO Box your mom left, but there was no response. Not even a return to sender."
"Ma'am," one of the security team leaned toward us and nodded toward the massive crowd ever growing around the rink.
"Oh my," Amelia exclaimed, glancing back nervously at her friends, who continued to film despite being pushed into the fence now.
"We have to go," I told her and managed to shake Stellan's hand to give her a proper hug. "I'm glad we ran into each other."
"Me too, Avery. You're more than welcome to join us for Christmas dinner if you'd like. I can give you my information." She hugged me tight and then stepped back, pulling out her phone. The security team moved in again toward me, nervous of the movement, and I threw my hands up toward her so she wouldn't move again. I wasn't sure what might happen to her, everyone was so jumpy despite this all being a very normal situation.
"Leave it with them, we really should go."
"Nice to meet you," Stellan offered his hand which she cupped with both her hands, shaking it vigorously. He gave her a genuine smile and then wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me away.
As we skated back toward Jack and Elodie I glanced over my shoulder to see her gushing to her friends, who were still filming me and forced a small smile. Our security cleared a path for us to exit, barking orders and guiding us toward a bench so we could rip our skates off as fast as possible. The flashes and the noise of it all were claustrophobic and I could feel my breaths uptick in my chest as I tried to block it out. Jack and Elodie were asking me all kinds of questions, but it was buzzing out in my ears. I shoved my boots back on, zipping them as I stood, moving toward the exit flanked by earpieces on either side and a flutter of fingers at my lower back.
That uneasy bubble that had formed on the ice started to rise in my chest as I slid into the car and waited for the three of them to settle with me. As soon as the door slammed shut my ears started ringing from the abrupt difference of chaos to silence. Elodie started first in mean sounding French, that Stellan cracked back at, Jack cutting over them both to try and keep the peace and it all crescendoed inside me. The panic was at my throat, my tinnitus ramped up to a high pitched beep, and my mind was absolutely swimming with all kinds of murky links finally falling into place.
"Everyone shut the fuck up," I yelled at them and clenched my eyes shut as I pushed my palms into my ears until all I could hear was the beep. Their muffled fight stopped and as I took a few calming breaths the buzz finally relented and I dropped my hands and looked at their worried faces.
"You should give me your jacket so I can check for bugs." Jack held out his hand.
"Don't be ridiculous." I scowled at him. Stellan and Elodie simultaneously took a breath, ready to back him. "I had a life before I met you three. Not every person I meet is trying to kill me."
"It is too much of a coincidence." Elodie shook her head, eyeing the jacket suspiciously.
"That's exactly what Lydia did to you at…" Jack added and I threw up my palm in his face, making him stop cold. I unzipped my jacket, shrugging out of it as I rolled down the window, the freezing wind making everyone flinch, then tossed it out onto the passing London streets. As the window rolled back up I rose an eyebrow at Elodie and Jack, they both looked away. One issue down.
"Right," I let out a huff. "Force her to eat."
I felt three sets of eyes regard me warily before Stellan cautiously asked, "come again?"
"Force. Lydia. To. Eat." I enunciated, aggravated I had to bring it back up. Not even a half hour ago Stellan was ready to get into a fist fight about this. The mood of the car shifted instantly and all attention turned to Jack.
"We're done interrogating her," he rubbed at his tattoo over his jacket, "she has nothing left to say. She's trying to starve herself to death so she can die on her own terms. There is talk of letting her do it."
"Absolutely not," I immediately snapped. All three of their eyes widened in surprise.
"Why?" Stellan was the first to ask.
I darted my eyes to each of them, wondering if it really wasn't that obvious. Apparently not. This strange mix of exasperation and sadness filled me because I couldn't help but wonder if they were all holding onto what they'd been trained to do - protect Family. She wasn't Cole, she was worse. Cole's rogue attack at the Paris Fashion Show had been shocking and sloppy. All of Lydia's hits had been meticulously planned.
"Not a single person that she ordered to be killed got to decide how and when they died. She doesn't deserve that courtesy. She knows what's coming for her."
They bowed their heads, looking down at their shoes and this weariness pulsed through me. They were going to let her starve to death. Of course they were. They didn't have the blood of all her victims on their hands - only I did. I'd forever have a shadow of death around me because of what Lydia Saxon had ordered her minions to do to the Circle. At least now we could be sure she couldn't do it to anyone else ever again.
"Okay," Elodie was the first to look up. "How are you going to do it?"
"Me?" I looked directly into her waiting eyes, and then the four of us grabbed onto our seats as the car took a corner a bit too fast.
"It has to be you," she frowned. "You promised the Circle that. If you back out now it weakens your threat and our Family."
I clenched the leather of the seat in my hands again. That felt so long ago now. I couldn't even access the rage I felt when the words had come steaming out of my mouth back then. But she was right. All we were ever doing was trying to prove to the Circle how powerful and worthy we were, and the only way to make power is to take it. I'd have to do this.
"Fine," I exhaled. "Let's do it tomorrow. Let the Circle know now so if anyone wants to fly in and witness it first hand they can."
Stellan's mouth dropped open in shock but it was Jack that squared off against me and lowly ordered,
"Absolutely not. That's completely uncalled for."
"I've seen your basement execution room," I cracked back. Jack's pressed his lips together, color flushing his cheeks. "And I'm almost positive the Circle has no problem killing sociopaths."
"And handing out popcorn to this isn't something a sociopath would do?" He gave me a warning look, the color flooding down his neck as well.
"She killed every male heir of the Emir Family. You're trying to tell me Samara isn't going to want to make sure she's dead with her own eyes?"
"Starving to death is a horrible way to die." He fired back.
"Then killing her would be the merciful thing to do," I seethed at him, Elodie's mouth dropped open in my peripheral.
"Why the bloody audience then?"
"To prove I'm someone that keeps their word and is lethal to people that try to hurt her family. I thought you, of all people, would appreciate me being so unnecessarily brutal about that."
Jack's eyes widened at me and shifted to the still silent Stellan before darting off to Elodie, his angry flush quickly draining from his face. Stellan shifted uncomfortably next to me and the percolating bubble of worry popped in my chest.
"What?"
"Nothing," Jack immediately answered, sucking in a deep breath.
"You think I don't notice the three of you are keeping things from me?" I glared at them all. "Why would an old friend approaching me be threat level red to everyone? Why did I not know that Lydia was this close to death? You keep scheduling all these bullshit PR Saxon stunts when I know you're taking Order meetings. And the fucking French!"
"Avery," Stellan put a hand on my knee and I smacked it away.
"You do it to me too! I need to know what the hell is going on. If you want me to execute my sister tomorrow then at least give me the respect I've earned."
Silence. This crushing silence that should have made me feel vindicated, but instead made my stomach churn with worry. Just how much had they been keeping from me? Would they even tell me the whole truth now? I waited.
"Where should we start?" Elodie leaned back in her seat, getting comfortable and I turned to Jack and Stellan.
"The Saxons," Jack nodded and rubbed his hands over his face, taking a deep breath.
"You don't believe her, do you?" Stellan didn't drop his gun.
I didn't. But…"They don't have our blood. And they're still-" I cut off. They're still my family, I finished in my head. It sounded crazy, after everything, but it was true. "Please don't," I said out loud.
Jack reached around me and grabbed Stellan's wrist. "Kill them, and the guards will kill you."
"Please," I begged.
Stellan's jaw clenched, but he finally dropped his arm. And then the three of us, plus Luc, were running. I looked back to see Lydia watching us silently. We held each other's eyes for a few seconds, and then the dark swallowed her.**
A car door slammed, the sound making me jerk into awareness and I took a sharp breath of stinging, frigid air. Faint voices I didn't recognize slowly faded into the quiet stillness of the grounds. I glanced over my shoulder toward the dining room doors, seeing the tall shadow of Stellan watching me behind them. I turned away, making my feet continue on the path I'd worn around the fountain. Everything around me was dying. The trees were bare as far as my eyes could see, the grass steps down toward the grounds were this brownish color that made the final patches of green look off-putting. The huge fountain I had been walking endless circles around since this morning had been dry since the first cold snap. None of this was helping my shaky mental state, but it was better than having the three of them eyeing me like I was some ticking time bomb. I could only watch Stellan swallow back down whatever he wanted to say so many times before I was going to snap at him.
The wind howled through the trees, making my hair whip around my head, filling my mind with white noise, like the ocean. I could almost feel the slap of the waves as I'd been scrubbing all the blood off me, my gold dress weighing me down as it took on the salty water. Finally, the wind stopped and I shrugged deeper into my wool coat, stomping my boots in the gravel before making myself walk down the crunchy grass steps instead. Away from his watching eyes. Away from what I knew was waiting for me.
I'd been picking over every single smile, word, text, gesture I remembered about Lydia. Wondering how I couldn't have seen the evil underneath it all. Then in the next breath knowing it was because she'd wanted it that way. Because in her own warped mind everything she'd done was justified. That's the problem with sociopaths - they never think they're wrong. But where was that line drawn between good and evil? Stellan was the best person I knew, but even he had killed innocent people. What was the difference between him and Lydia? Perhaps it all boiled down to intent. Every kill Stellan had on his list was either out of defense or command because he had to stay alive to keep his sister alive. But every single hit Lydia had orchestrated had been for power. She equated this power to keeping her family safe. It was a completely misguided way of looking at it, but how was that any different then what I was about to do? I growled in frustration and moved further out into the grounds, hanging a right toward the race car track.
It was down the embankment a bit and hiding behind a crop of willow trees, but you could still see the perfectly manicured dirt, even from where I stood. A flash of Cole's sneer crossed my vision and I blinked it away. I'd been completely unsuccessful in accessing that rage I'd felt in Egypt when I'd killed Cole. I knew it was different, on so many fronts, but I should have been able to coalesce it for her.
At every event, she'd smiled and laughed and made cavalier comments about Circle heirs being 'hot' or 'nice' or how I'd 'like this one'. All the while knowing she'd already signed their death certificate. She'd murdered the son of one of her Family's biggest allies. She'd signed off on Fitz's death. She'd ordered my mother to be tortured. She'd blackmailed Eli Abraham into doing her dirty work and then killing himself - on international television. Each alone was enough, but I just couldn't boil it up to the surface. All I felt was...sad. In the end, it was her warped idea of family that killed her.
"Kuklachka," Stellan called out. I looked over my shoulder, surprised to see he'd managed to sneak up on me. "It's time."
I turned back toward the race track and nodded, hearing him crunch the grass under his boots, and then felt the weight of my gun as he slipped it into the pocket of my jacket.
I barely heard the list of crimes being read off in front of me, all I could focus on was Lydia's bowed head. She was too thin, her usually envious olive skin pale and bruised. She swayed a little on her knees. As she exhaled all the bones on the back of her neck seemed to pop out even more. It made my stomach turn. Roberts turned the page,
"For acts of terrorism including aiding and abetting the known terrorist Cole Saxon, bombings in Saudi Arabia and France. Chemical warfare in France. Assassinations in America, France, India, Italy, and England. For ordering the deaths of the following..."
Roberts' voice fuzzed out again as the crowd behind me started to stir. They had been absolutely silent before this. Lined in two rows against the far wall of the interrogation room of the basement facing the kneeling Lydia. This was the part I knew they wouldn't be able to stomach. It was so just many names. I'd actually stopped reading when I'd checked the proof this morning. The majority of the group were already going to be in London for our summit at the end of the week. Unsurprisingly they were mostly women with their fathers: Samarah Emir, Michiyo Mikado, Diya Rajesh. But there were other women who I knew to be heirs now based on my decree - Zara Konings with her brother Declan, and a tall, steely faced woman I could only assume was Valentina Martín. Unfortunately, it was Hugo Dauphin that had shown up and not Luc, with George Frederick rounding out the 11th of the 12 chairs that had been provided. It wasn't lost on me, even at this moment, the significance of who hadn't made it. I knew there would be some long-winded speculation later on tonight - if I made it through this without cracking.
"For all these crimes we sentence you to death," Roberts stopped and the air seemed to suck from the room in the absolute silence that followed. Lydia's shoulders shook a little. "Long live the 13th Family."
There were low echoes of his awful proclamation from the crowd I tried to block out. Instead, I watched as Lydia exhaled again, her body sagging closer to the floor, her hands zip-tied in her lap, fingernails broken and filthy. She was in a pair of clean, gray, scrubs I'd been told she'd be buried in, her grave already dug out in the grounds. Next to her brother. My hands started to shake and I clenched them into fists as I summoned the nerve to do this.
Whenever there had been a spare moment I'd been running the order of how this was all going to play out in my head. As if memorizing it would somehow make it easier. I went through it again as I tried to gain control of the shaking. Circle arrives. Check. Roberts reads her crimes. Check. I ask her for her final words. I clenched my fists again. I didn't know if I could do this. The room was still absolutely silent behind me. And then I felt a gust of air and a wall of heat behind me. I leaned into Stellan, he pushed back just the tiniest bit and the resolve finally filled me. I could do this if he was here. I exhaled and reached into my pocket.
The cold steel of my gun brushed against my fingers before I forced my palm around the handle and slowly pulled it out. I could hear the crowd behind me now, barely whispered things and hard exhales. Stellan leaned just a little bit closer to me and I focused on the heat and the small flicker of pain in my scar instead of the white walls and the drain on the floor between Lydia's knees. I clicked the safety off my gun,
"Any last words?" I flatly asked. She looked up at me then. Broken. We had broken her. No...I had done this. I had broken her. My stomach flipped, I gripped the gun tighter.
"I did this for my family," she hoarsely started, coughed dryly and then continued. "I did this for my father. One day you'll do the same. And when you do - I want you to remember my face. Right now. In this moment."
I could tell there was some rustling, mummers, shifting of seats behind me, but everything was starting to buzz out again. The room was going fuzzy around the edges. I was starting to hear my own heartbeat in my ears. Lydia locked eyes with me, my eyes...but brown. I wanted to throw up. I didn't even acknowledge what she'd said with a nod. I just spread my feet, squared my shoulders and quickly leveled my gun right between her eyes, inches from her skin. Make sure you're positioned right. Check.
She sighed, closing her eyes, a flash of relief filling her features. Relief from this nightmarish hell I'd put her through. I took a breath, waiting for someone to tell me no. Waiting for some kind of surprise or attack or outburst to thwart our plan. But it wasn't going to happen. This wasn't a game anymore. We'd won. And now I'd have to prove it. I focused on the small speck of dirt right at the edge of her hairline while I kept the nozzle of the gun in place and pulled.
My tinnitus buzzed in my ears first, high pitched and intense. The speck of dirt I'd focused on slowly slid out of my vision and all I could see was red splatter on the white wall. My gun flopped to my side and I bit my tongue to stem the swell of vomit that was gurgling right at the edge of my throat. I turned away from the body and toward the stairs. I had to get out of here.
Small surges of sound were breaking through the tinnitus and I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I snapped my head to the crowd, watching as they all seemed to flinch in slow motion. Hugo Dauphin's scowl slowly morphed into an arched eyebrow of intrigue. I forced myself to glare back at him and then blinked and suddenly everyone's hands were at their foreheads, bowing to me, their lips moving but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I didn't need to. I knew what it was.
I ignored them, quickly moving up the stairs, feeling the presence of Stellan a half step behind me. The further I got the faster everything seemed to be moving. The wallpaper blurred as I stormed past, the lights in the hallway streaked and burned my eyes. I couldn't feel the doorknob for our private wing as I wrenched it open and then slammed it shut behind me, almost catching Stellan in the process. My arm flared with a spike of pain and I forced my numb hand to vice around it, growling at him,
"Stay here."
I slid into the powder room, forced the door closed with a shoulder and turned the hot water on full blast. The water was steaming within seconds, making the tiny powder room muggy. I gripped the basin with my numb hands, hearing my rings clinking against the porcelain as the last of the tinnitus cleared from my ears. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I was afraid of what I'd see. Instead, I thrust my hands under the scalding water, my body barely even registering the pain it should have caused me. Shock. I was in shock. I needed to focus on simple tasks.
I grabbed the small bottle of English lavender soap and poured a glob of it into my palm, furiously scrubbing them and then forcing them back under the heat. It didn't sting. I washed them again. And again. Forcing them through another round when the door finally cracked open behind me.
My fingers slipped, my diamond sliced through the now soft skin on the top of my hand. Blood blossomed along the cut and I thrust it under the water, sucking in a breath through my teeth as it finally stung. He moved a few more steps to stand behind me and then leaned forward to turn the tap off. The mirror was hazy with steam, the counter covered in water, the ridiculously expensive soap almost empty. I put my hands on the basin and looked down at the still bleeding cut, the waterlogged pads of my fingers, my bright red hands.
"I have the magic skin, remember?" He gently said. I bowed my head, sucking in a shaky, damp feeling breath. "You did the right thing, Avery."
"I know," I croaked.
"She was evil. She would have never stopped. She would have kept coming after us," he continued.
"I know."
He grabbed the hand towel next to me and pressed it onto the top of my hand along the cut, "you've protected us all."
I nodded again, sniffled, straightened, grabbed the hand towel from him and pressed it as hard as I could into my cut. Finally, I looked up in the mirror at him, the two of us veiled with steam and swallowed hard.
"But what if she was right?"
He clenched his jaw.
Exactly. Exactly…
**Map of Fates, by Maggie Hall - pg. 295