The first few nights after the heist I did not sleep. I was waiting for someone to get me. It was a possibility that the guy could have gotten away and found my actual location. It was a possibility it could be an entire swat team that would break out all my mom's windows and her glass chickens sitting in the sills. It could just be the entire Titans coming in bow staffs blazing. It could be Starfire ready to break my face and take what was left to jail. After the fifth day I decided that no one was coming, and I could relax a little. I had drafted Starfire a much better apology and explanation, but it was still unread after 2 weeks. She also had not posted any sunrise photos or anything in that same time. I kept checking everyday and I noticed that people were commenting asking if she was okay without a response to ease their fears. It made me feel unsettled. She was strong so incredibly strong, but I knew that emotions could hurt her more than a good punch. It would be hubris to think I took her out of commission, but I knew I had at least hurt her by having her betray her team and lied to her. Then I felt guilty for assuming she would purposely hurt me or my mother. It just was a guilt train that did not stop coming.
Maybe this was her way of having a clean break, but I doubted it since she had mentioned a later when I last saw her. I started getting the conspiracy theory side of my brain going at this point and spent a day plotting out 20 things that could have happened to her from deportation to Robin smashing her electronics. Eventually I realized I wouldn't know until I knew so I started house hunting and dividing up the money so that in the event somebody came after me.
It was easier when I had her input. I just got her watching the home improvement channel and I learned a lot about what she wanted and her distaste for Bay windows. It was funny to see her so fired up over such a small detail, but I made a note while I was browsing through Zillow. I considered going to a fancier part of San Diego but decided my best move would to get her as close to family as possible. That had always been are struggle being a 50-minute drive between us had always been an inconvenient distance. If she would need something urgently now I would rather it be a brisk run away. Plus, she would be closer to Abuela which is what I knew she had wanted to do in the past few years when she has started to fade.
My mom had gotten brighter and better as I had continued to stay. She had started cooking again and I was so grateful. I had lost so much weight from the stress and her providing me three full meals a day was the best way to get back on track. She seemed to agree as she had me go to the market almost daily so she could make some of her old favorite recipes she never could make since it was only her and she never wanted to waste food. I had told her that money had come, and she knew by now not to ask. She just accepted it and asked for the news paper to scroll through the help wanted. I was going to delay her for the most part, but she wasn't going to get far since most jobs you had to apply online and I wasn't gonna help her.
It had been a little awkward when she asked about Stella. I knew she was generally curious since we went from talking everyday to more than 3 weeks of radio silence. My mom might not be 100%, but she wasn't blind to the fact I had been moping around the house. I was obviously not as happy, and it was only a matter of time before she got very nosy. She had previously expressed approval since it sounded like she was keeping me out of trouble and was quite sweet in character. She had asked if I had paid her when she was medicated up since she was very pretty and out of my league. I had laughed a lot and so had my uncle who had overheard her. Paying her would be simple. I could definitely do that now, but Starfire wasn't something that could be bought of contained. She was free and wild, and I had blessed when she decided to spend her time with me. I had told my mom that we had been in a bad fight and she took the hint not to ask, but whenever I got a notification on my phone she checked my face. I must be really easy to read when it was a text from Starfire. Gross I was a sap. I was a bigger sap than I expected to be.
Though I missed being that sap to Starfire who would giggle when I dropped my phone on my face or I slipped into a really pun filled mood. She had gained so much English and Spanish abilities since knowing me, both through lip contact and me being down to explain things to her. It was easier for me since I was used to being around bilinguals and being one myself I understood how not to be an asshole when explaining things. Though she was able to speak so many languages I can't imagine how she doesn't codeswitch more. Sometimes when we would cuddle she would say things I didn't understand, but I never asked what she meant. I now wish I had just so I wouldn't have that question now. I would know.
I knew so many little things, but still big questions about her lingered. Would she forgive me? Was she okay? Why hadn't she posted any sunrises? Would I see her again?
It was the little moments that had been habit for the past few months. I would wake up and like whatever sunrise she had posted and see whatever good morning she would have drafted. Her development of emojis was always fun to see what she would combine. She just had an inner lightness that wasn't fake or forced and would be infectious. I felt deprived now and I didn't quite know how to bounce back since I hadn't had the most relationship experience. She was my longest and one that actually had material.
I watched movies we had watched together on repeat and did my best to distract myself. I considered going out and trying to meet people, but it didn't feel like something I actually wanted. I knew what I wanted. I had what I wanted which was a rarity in this life. I had just been put in a situation that I had to put that at risk in order to protect my mom. She didn't even approve, but I knew she didn't want to turn me away when I had finally come back to her. I had come back to a place she could call a home. I decided I should get her a cat since she needed company if I were to take off again.
It was at 3 in the afternoon that I got a message from Star on the 24th day since the fight. I had been counting just waiting. She said simply: Go outside I would like to talk. And I peaked out the front window and saw Starfire in actual Starfire form instead of Stella which I was a bit surprised by. She wasn't in uniform and had sunglasses on, but her hair was too red to be human. I wasn't sure what to expect, but she appeared alone, and I didn't see any unfamiliar cars that would be undercovers
"Madre, I am going out. Love you." I hollered towards her bedroom where she was going through her closet. I didn't normally end with the L word, but it was better to say in case I was not coming back. If I went down she had enough cash in her personal account to pay for the down payment of a house. I had left my laptop which with one of my cousins help I could direct her what to do from prison.
When I exited the door, we just stared at each other for a moment. There was a chilly breeze that was whipping through the air that played with her hair. I couldn't read exactly what she was feeling since her eyes were concealed, but her mouth was a flurry of motions until I realized all of her was in motion. She scooped me up into a hard hug that did hurt a bit, but I grasped her just as tight. She was warm and comforting and so goddam tall. It was odd being lifted off the ground, but this was just a part of a Starfire hug. I was so relieved that this was her response that I just sank into her and smelt her hair which was a wonderous sent of citrus. We didn't speak just held each other until we made up for three weeks of lack of contact. Then that peace was over, and she let me back down.
"I am still not happy with you completely, but I have lots to tell you and did not want to wait. Much has happened in three weeks and you were a big part of it." She said and took of her sunglasses to look into my eyes.
"Okay, Cutie just know I am sorry. I'm down to make it up for you however you need. You can even take the suit" I said offering what little I had to try and make this right.
"While I appreciate the gesture, ceasing to lie to me is more important than a suit. Your heroic tendencies are actually helpful once in a while. They actually helped me quite a bit. "she said and smiled.
"I was so worried about you, Princess. When you didn't post your wonderful sunrise photos the world got worried." I said and found a strand of her hair to twirl.
"There was reason to be worried, but I have handled that."
"What do you mean?"
She proceeded to take me the back yard and tell me all about her time apart. The case they had to build after we last saw each other. Batman basically was going to assassinate her, and I had stolen a weapon part of that conspiracy. I had gotten evidence for her to get the League on her side. A lot had happened indeed.
"So, you let Superman win an arm-wrestling match?" I asked once she finished and that got a laugh out of her like I wanted to get.
"Of course, that is what you hear." She laughed again. "Though in this case your crime helped save me, so I am not mad about that. I also understand who you did it for, you needed the money. Just know if you lie to my face I will break yours."
"I won't do that again, cutie. That was supposed to be my last job ever and I will try to stick to it. My mom is going to be alright and I will be able to take care of myself comfortably from now on. Though I have extreme doubt that you would break my face, you like it too much." I said finally feeling like we had gotten back into our groove.
"Dammit" she said which was a word she had picked up from my constant stubbing my feet on furniture. She then kissed me, and I knew all was not lost in the passion and love that she poured into me. She was my salvation and I wouldn't let her go.